How to overcome old patterns w/Olori Boye-Ajayi — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00You know exactly what to do.
2. 0:02You've known for years and you know what
3. 0:05to stop. You know what you should start
4. 0:07by now. You've read many books. You've
5. 0:09listened to quite a number of sermons.
6. 0:12You've written the instructions in your
7. 0:15journal more than once. This year
8. 0:19you've written more than enough
9. 0:20instructions to build for the next
10. 0:22season.
11. 0:23So, why aren't you doing it?
12. 0:26In the last video where I talked about
13. 0:28mind re-engineering,
14. 0:30about how God wants to use your mind in
15. 0:33this season, thousands of you responded
16. 0:36to that video [music].
17. 0:38There were questions. There were
18. 0:40messages.
19. 0:41But underneath your messages,
20. 0:44everything was pointing to the same
21. 0:46place.
22. 0:47Most of you were asking,
23. 0:49"Okay, God wants to use my mind.
24. 0:53I want to re-engineer my mind, but how
25. 0:56do I actually re-engineer my mind?"
26. 1:00And some of you said something even more
27. 1:02honest than that. "I don't even know
28. 1:04where to start." And a few of you said
29. 1:06something really, really, really, when I
30. 1:10say really, I mean really,
31. 1:11um
32. 1:13very root cause
33. 1:16that I want to bring to the fore today.
34. 1:18"What if I'm the problem?
35. 1:21What if the thing standing in my way is
36. 1:23me?" So, today I want to talk to the
37. 1:26person who's tired of their own
38. 1:28patterns.
39. 1:30The one who you keep ending up in the
40. 1:32same place.
41. 1:34Same thinking, same choices, and you're
42. 1:38secretly wondering, "What's wrong with
43. 1:40me?" Because most of us have that
44. 1:44question.
45. 1:45But when we have that question,
46. 1:48we answer it with shame.
47. 1:51"Maybe I'm just undisciplined. Maybe I'm
48. 1:53lazy. Maybe my faith is just not strong
49. 1:56enough. Maybe something in me is just
50. 1:58broken, and none of that is the answer.
51. 2:01The answer is that nobody ever explained
52. 2:05your mind to you.
53. 2:07And once you understand how your mind
54. 2:09actually works, I'm telling you it's a
55. 2:12game changer. The shame lifts, and the
56. 2:15real work of mind re-engineering can
57. 2:18finally begin. Most of us know about the
58. 2:20conscious and the subconscious mind,
59. 2:22right?
60. 2:24But that's not all you have. You
61. 2:26actually have four, and most people only
62. 2:29know two divisions in their mind.
63. 2:33Guess what? They're not the same.
64. 2:36And knowing the difference between the
65. 2:38four will change your life habits and
66. 2:43choices. I'm telling you, when I found
67. 2:45this out,
68. 2:46I was probably in a very difficult phase
69. 2:50of trying to break patterns. Man, it it
70. 2:53took me it took me
71. 2:55on a journey, and I'm really excited
72. 2:58that mastery of my mind has led me to
73. 3:02way more breakthroughs than fasting and
74. 3:05praying and wasting God's time when I
75. 3:08could have just renewed my mind.
76. 3:11So, we're in for a ride.
77. 3:13We're in for a ride.
78. 3:15This is the work of Dr. Caroline Leaf,
79. 3:18a neuroscientist who has given her life
80. 3:21to studying this, and she describes the
81. 3:23mind in four divisions.
82. 3:26The first is your conscious mind. That's
83. 3:28the part listening to me right now. It's
84. 3:31awake. It's where you know things. It's
85. 3:34very deliberate. It's aware. It's
86. 3:35intentional. The second is your
87. 3:37subconscious mind. That's the just below
88. 3:41the surface level, where thoughts move
89. 3:43up and down, where you feel a prompt or
90. 3:46a warning,
91. 3:48you know, those signals that make you
92. 3:49know, something's going on here, but I
93. 3:51can't just explain it, right? The third
94. 3:54is one most people have never heard of.
95. 3:59And it is the one that is running your
96. 4:01life, your non-conscious mind.
97. 4:04This works 24 hours a day.
98. 4:08It never sleeps.
99. 4:10It's where every memory that you've ever
100. 4:13made is stored. It's the powerhouse
101. 4:16underneath everything and everything you
102. 4:20do.
103. 4:21And the fourth,
104. 4:22Dr. Caroline says it's not really a
105. 4:25division of your mind at all.
106. 4:28It's the unconscious.
107. 4:30That's not a place you think from.
108. 4:33That's a thing that gets done to you.
109. 4:36When you're knocked out, concussed,
110. 4:39those sort of things, you understand.
111. 4:41When you are unconscious, you are not
112. 4:44awake to your own mind.
113. 4:46And I want you to hold on to the fourth
114. 4:48one because we're going to come back to
115. 4:50it.
116. 4:51I believe a lot of people are living
117. 4:54there without knowing it. Now, I want
118. 4:57you to picture your mind as a tree.
119. 4:59The branches and the leaves, up top,
120. 5:03where everyone can see them, that's your
121. 5:05conscious mind. That's your words, your
122. 5:08actions, your behavior, the fruit of
123. 5:11your life that everyone can see around
124. 5:14you.
125. 5:15The trunk of that tree is your
126. 5:17subconscious mind.
127. 5:20The signals travel up and down.
128. 5:23The feeling that something is off, the
129. 5:25anxiety that you can't really understand
130. 5:27where it's coming from, the warning
131. 5:29lights on the dashboard.
132. 5:32But the roots,
133. 5:34they're down in the dark, underground,
134. 5:37tangled, deep. That is your
135. 5:40non-conscious mind. And that is where
136. 5:43the thought actually lives, not in the
137. 5:46leaves that everyone can see, it's in
138. 5:49that root.
139. 5:51And this is why it's important.
140. 5:54Anything I'll say today is going to come
141. 5:56from this analogy.
142. 5:58Every thought
143. 6:00please pay close attention.
144. 6:03Every single thought, and by the way,
145. 6:05you can have up to
146. 6:07300 million a day.
147. 6:10I'm telling you, that's how fast some
148. 6:12people's mind is really working.
149. 6:14Every thought you have is real.
150. 6:18Physical thing.
151. 6:20And that physical thing, it grows like a
152. 6:23tree.
153. 6:24Do you understand what I'm trying to
154. 6:25say? So, that thought that you just
155. 6:28think,"Oh, it's just in my head."No, no,
156. 6:29no, no. It's a physical thing and it
157. 6:32grows like a tree
158. 6:35with three roots feeding it.
159. 6:38Number one, an informational root.
160. 6:42What's happened?
161. 6:44An emotional root. How it felt.
162. 6:48And [music] a physical root. What your
163. 6:51body did with that.
164. 6:54These three are wired together
165. 6:58underground and they've been growing for
166. 7:00years.
167. 7:02I want you to think of how many thoughts
168. 7:04you've had since you were a child.
169. 7:07I was speaking to a lovely lady
170. 7:09yesterday about why she's afraid to be
171. 7:13on camera.
172. 7:14And she just said to me,"I don't think I
173. 7:16sound good enough."
174. 7:18Well, why don't you think you sound good
175. 7:20enough?
176. 7:22So, the emotional root, she's held on to
177. 7:25how it felt to hear herself.
178. 7:28The physical root is that it stops her
179. 7:31from going in front of the camera. So,
180. 7:33now I can tell you
181. 7:36why you know what to do and still don't
182. 7:38do it.
183. 7:40Because you keep trying to fix the
184. 7:42leaves. You keep working on your
185. 7:43behavior, you make a resolution, I'll
186. 7:46start by next week. You've downloaded
187. 7:48the app, you've downloaded the recipe,
188. 7:50you've done everything.
189. 7:52Right? In fact, some of you go so good
190. 7:55and you go 2 weeks.
191. 7:58Like and that can look like something
192. 8:00like this cuz someone
193. 8:01like myself, I sometimes
194. 8:06and people will never believe this if I
195. 8:07say it, but I'm an ambivert. I'm not an
196. 8:10extrovert, I'm not an introvert, I'm an
197. 8:12ambivert, which means yes, I am powered
198. 8:15and fueled by people, but I also get
199. 8:18drained by people.
200. 8:20So, I want to start a habit and then I
201. 8:24say to myself, okay, I'm going to be a
202. 8:26lot more
203. 8:28um
204. 8:28in terms of when when when I'm around
205. 8:30people, I'm not going to allow them
206. 8:31drain me. [music] Right? And I'm saying
207. 8:34it, but I'm not asking the tough
208. 8:36question. Why do people drain me?
209. 8:39Why?
210. 8:40Because if I only focus on I'm drained
211. 8:44when I'm done with people, then I have
212. 8:47just literally attacked that situation
213. 8:50on a surface level. What I want you to
214. 8:52understand and learn how to do when you
215. 8:55sabotage a relationship, when you do
216. 8:57something you shouldn't have done, why
217. 9:00did it happen? Not why did I do it?
218. 9:04Why did it happen? So, what a lot of
219. 9:07people do when they notice something
220. 9:08they don't like about themselves, a
221. 9:10habit that has gone on too long, guess
222. 9:12what they do? They take
223. 9:15a pair of scissors and I want you to
224. 9:16picture this how you do what you do to
225. 9:18yourself.
226. 9:19And they've gone to the branch.
227. 9:24Just imagine our tree with that scissors
228. 9:27and they cut off the fruit they don't
229. 9:29want. [music] So, I don't want to be
230. 9:31spending more than 8 hours on [music]
231. 9:34social media, which is too much, by the
232. 9:36way. Way too much. Right? And guess
233. 9:39what? It's going to work.
234. 9:41You even put, you know, guardrails.
235. 9:43You're like,"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not
236. 9:45going back to social media, da da da."
237. 9:47And you do this for 2 weeks.
238. 9:49And then guess what happens? That same
239. 9:52fruit grows right back. This time, it's
240. 9:55going to come even worse. You're
241. 9:56spending 10 hours on social media.
242. 10:00Every single time you take that scissors
243. 10:03and you cut a branch
244. 10:05and you never
245. 10:07think that it's a root problem,
246. 10:10you're going to keep having the same
247. 10:11pattern.
248. 10:12You didn't touch the root.
249. 10:14The knowledge lives in your conscious
250. 10:16mind.
251. 10:18Do you understand? It's the knowledge
252. 10:20that lives in your conscious mind, in
253. 10:22the leaves up there, but your behavior
254. 10:26is driven from the root.
255. 10:29That's from your non-conscious mind,
256. 10:32from a pattern that was planted long
257. 10:35before today,
258. 10:36and that has been watered every day
259. 10:39since. And when the leaves and the roots
260. 10:42disagree,
261. 10:44guess who wins?
262. 10:45The root.
263. 10:47Every time.
264. 10:49And it's not even a fair fight. That's
265. 10:52the honest truth, because you're not
266. 10:53weak. You are not faithless. You are not
267. 10:56a bad person. And some of you are really
268. 10:59good people, but you do bad things,
269. 11:00right? You're not doing like,"Yes, help
270. 11:03me."
271. 11:04You have been gardening the wrong end of
272. 11:06the tree.
273. 11:09Now, let's come back to the fourth mind.
274. 11:12Remember the unconscious?
275. 11:15The one that gets done to you. And this
276. 11:18is where it gets crazy, guys.
277. 11:21The spiritual danger is that you can go
278. 11:24your whole life on autopilot. You are
279. 11:27awake, but you're not aware.
280. 11:29Reaching out of roots you have never
281. 11:34once examined, letting that same pattern
282. 11:38run your life and saying [music],"It's
283. 11:40just how I am."That is a kind of sleep.
284. 11:44It's actually even a kind of death.
285. 11:47That means you're living unconsciously.
286. 11:50And that is exactly the state the Bible
287. 11:52keeps trying to wake us out of. It says,
288. 11:55"Awake, oh sleeper. Be sober. Be
289. 11:58watchful. Be transformed by the renewing
290. 12:00of your mind."God is not calling you to
291. 12:03prune you harder. He's calling you to
292. 12:05wake up. Go down to the root and deal
293. 12:08with this thing from the source.
294. 12:10And here's the good news.
295. 12:12The part that is pure mercy.
296. 12:16I'm telling you,
297. 12:18roots can be moved.
298. 12:20And I just see that as God's mercy. Your
299. 12:23brain has a quality
300. 12:25that scientists call neuroplasticity.
301. 12:28Neuroplasticity. It means that your
302. 12:31brain is not concrete.
303. 12:34It is not fixed.
304. 12:36It can literally rewire itself based on
305. 12:40what you've repeatedly grow.
306. 12:42It can grow into something different.
307. 12:46The same mechanism that grew the toxic
308. 12:49root can grow a new one.
309. 12:51The old road grows over. I'll say that
310. 12:56again.
311. 12:57Have you seen
312. 12:59those images on um Instagram where
313. 13:02someone is pouring water into dark
314. 13:05coffee? Have you seen [music] that?
315. 13:07So, they pour the water, the clean
316. 13:08water, into the cup of coffee until the
317. 13:12cup of coffee becomes what? Clean water.
318. 13:15Same thing for your mind.
319. 13:17The old road grows over and a new one
320. 13:22becomes home.
321. 13:23Think about what that means. It means
322. 13:25that the patterns you've had since you
323. 13:27were a child is not a life sentence.
324. 13:30It's a root and a root can be dug up and
325. 13:34replanted. Neuroplasticity is the mercy
326. 13:38of God written into your biology. He
327. 13:41built you to be able to change. Your
328. 13:44mind is just a part that you can't seem
329. 13:48to figure out, but your brain can help
330. 13:50you. It can rewire itself.
331. 13:53I know that scripture has made you feel
332. 13:55like
333. 13:56I'm literally trying to transform and be
334. 13:59renewed, but I don't know what's going
335. 14:00on.
336. 14:02God built you to be able to change and
337. 14:05there's a rhythm to it. The research
338. 14:08says it takes roughly
339. 14:1060 days of daily deliberate work to
340. 14:14build new automatic patterns.
341. 14:17Not 21 days. You know, they've told us
342. 14:19it takes 21 days to build a habit. You
343. 14:22are not trying to build a habit, you're
344. 14:23trying to rewire your brain.
345. 14:26It's a process, which is exactly why God
346. 14:29told Joshua,"Meditate on the word."How
347. 14:33many times?
348. 14:35Day and night. Repetition was never a
349. 14:38religious performance. It is root work.
350. 14:41It is rewiring. 3,000 years before we
351. 14:44had the science for it, God was already
352. 14:47teaching us about neuroplasticity.
353. 14:51So, how do you actually do the root
354. 14:53work? It's simple. You catch the
355. 14:55thought.
356. 14:56You go down to the trunk,
357. 14:58to the signal, the anxiety, the
358. 15:00reaction. Instead of ignoring it, you
359. 15:03follow it to the root.
360. 15:05Why are you jealous when your friend
361. 15:07posts certain things about their growth?
362. 15:10Why do you feel a sense of
363. 15:12um overstimulation
364. 15:15when people pay you compliments?
365. 15:17Why do you feel rejected when
366. 15:20the girl you're trying to approach is
367. 15:22saying no. Why is it rejection that
368. 15:24comes to your mind? You have to question
369. 15:26it.
370. 15:27Ask why when your bank balance is on,
371. 15:31you know,
372. 15:32$100, why are you anxious? Why can't you
373. 15:37be in a state of rest in plenty and in
374. 15:39little? You have to ask yourself, where
375. 15:42did this all come from?
376. 15:44Is it even true or is it just familiar?
377. 15:47Familiar is not the same as true. You
378. 15:49replace it.
379. 15:51You cannot dig up a root and leave a
380. 15:53hole. You plant a new
381. 15:56one there.
382. 15:58Do you understand? You find what God
383. 16:00says about that exact thing and you put
384. 16:02it in the ground where the lie used to
385. 16:05be. Mhm. Thank you, God.
386. 16:09And you repeat that daily.
387. 16:11Long enough for that new root to take
388. 16:13the old one
389. 16:15out.
390. 16:17And you cannot do it alone.
391. 16:19Oradocha, adaba. The Holy Spirit is
392. 16:21called Paraclete, the advocate who lives
393. 16:25on your inside. He goes down to the
394. 16:28roots with you, into the parts you can't
395. 16:30even see. He does that deep work that
396. 16:33could never be done by willpower. Of
397. 16:35course, you will masturbate again. What
398. 16:37are you saying?
399. 16:39You are bringing scissors to cut the
400. 16:41branch and you think it will not grow
401. 16:42again. Those leaves will even now, they
402. 16:44will grow
403. 16:46more beautiful. You that you told God,
404. 16:48"I will not do it again. I promise."Oh,
405. 16:50God, help me. I want to stop
406. 16:51pornography. I want to stop
407. 16:52masturbation. You sing Pastor Lawrence
408. 16:55or your song.
409. 16:56What's that song? Who will break the
410. 16:58jugular?
411. 16:59Who will break the jugular?
412. 17:01Now, do you masturbation is holding you
413. 17:04by the jugular because you are using
414. 17:06willpower. You are not rewiring your
415. 17:08mind by willpower.
416. 17:10Do you understand? It's not by that. You
417. 17:13are doing it with the spirit of God
418. 17:15holding the other end of the shovel with
419. 17:17you.
420. 17:20So, if you're the one that is tired of
421. 17:22knowing
422. 17:23what to do, but not doing it, you're not
423. 17:25the problem. The way you are going about
424. 17:27it is.
425. 17:29You've been cutting leaves for years
426. 17:31when God is inviting you to the root.
427. 17:33And the root work is not easy.
428. 17:36He never called you to just know the
429. 17:38truth. He said that truth must set you
430. 17:40free.
431. 17:41Knowing is never the finish line. He
432. 17:43called you to be transformed by that
433. 17:46truth from the root up.
434. 17:49I built something to walk you through
435. 17:52exactly this. Seven days,
436. 17:55one email each morning, one thought at a
437. 17:59time.
438. 18:00Taking you from the leaf
439. 18:02down to the root, and helping you plant
440. 18:05something new. That is the most
441. 18:07important thing. It's free. The link is
442. 18:09in my description. Go and do the root
443. 18:12work.
444. 18:13I'll see you there.