How to manage your emotions — Transcript

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1. 0:06You and your friend need to ace Friday’s exam to avoid summer classes,
2. 0:11and after a week of studying, you both feel confident that you pulled it off.
3. 0:16But when you get your grades back,
4. 0:18they’re much lower than the two of you expected.
5. 0:21You’re devastated.
6. 0:22However, your friend doesn't seem too bothered,
7. 0:25and it's making you wonder why you can't shake this off like they can.
8. 0:29But should you really be trying to look on the bright side?
9. 0:32And is controlling our emotions even possible in the first place?
10. 0:37The answer to the last question is a definitive “yes.”
11. 0:41There are numerous strategies for regulating our emotions,
12. 0:44and one framework to understand these techniques is called the Process Model.
13. 0:49Psychologists use this tool to identify where and how to intervene
14. 0:54in the process that forms our emotions.
15. 0:57That process has four steps:
16. 0:59first, we enter a situation, real or imagined,
17. 1:03and that draws our attention.
18. 1:06Then we evaluate, or appraise, the situation
19. 1:09and whether it helps or hinders our goals.
20. 1:12Finally, this appraisal leads to a set of changes in how we feel, think, and behave,
21. 1:18known as an emotional response.
22. 1:21Each step of this process offers an opportunity to consciously intervene
23. 1:26and change our emotions,
24. 1:28and the Process Model outlines what strategies we might try at each phase.
25. 1:33To see this in action, let’s imagine you’ve been invited to the same party
26. 1:37as your least-favorite ex and their new partner.
27. 1:41Your first strategy could be avoiding the situation altogether
28. 1:45by skipping the party.
29. 1:47But if you do attend, you could also try modifying the situation
30. 1:52by choosing not to interact with your ex.
31. 1:55If that’s proving difficult, you might want to shift your attention,
32. 1:59maybe by playing a game with your friends
33. 2:01rather than focusing on your ex’s new partner.
34. 2:03Another option would be to re-evaluate how you think about the situation.
35. 2:09After seriously reappraising things,
36. 2:11you might realize that you don’t care who your ex dates.
37. 2:15If none of these strategies work,
38. 2:16you can always try tempering your emotional response after the fact.
39. 2:21But this can be tricky.
40. 2:23Many of the easiest ways to do this,
41. 2:25like hiding your emotions or trying to change them with recreational drugs,
42. 2:30generally lead to more negative feelings and health concerns in the long term.
43. 2:35More sustainable strategies here include going for a long walk,
44. 2:39taking slow, deep breaths, or talking with someone in your support system.
45. 2:44While using all these strategies well takes practice,
46. 2:47learning to notice your emotions
47. 2:49and reflect on where they’re coming from is half the battle.
48. 2:52And once you’ve truly internalized that you can regulate your emotions,
49. 2:57doing so becomes much easier.
50. 2:59But should you use these techniques to constantly maintain a good mood?
51. 3:04That answer depends on how you define what makes a mood “good.”
52. 3:09It's tempting to think we should always try to avoid sadness and frustration,
53. 3:13but no emotion is inherently good or bad—
54. 3:17they’re either helpful or unhelpful depending on the situation.
55. 3:21For example, if a friend is telling you about the loss of a loved one,
56. 3:25feeling and expressing sadness isn’t just appropriate,
57. 3:29it can help you empathize and support them.
58. 3:32Conversely, while it’s unhealthy to regularly ignore your emotions,
59. 3:36forcing a smile to get through a one-time annoyance is perfectly reasonable.
60. 3:42We hear a lot of mixed messages about emotions.
61. 3:45Some pressure us to stay upbeat
62. 3:48while others tell us to simply take our emotions as they come.
63. 3:51But in reality, each person has to find their own balance.
64. 3:55So if the question is: “should you always try to be happy?”
65. 4:00The answer is no.
66. 4:01Studies suggest that people fixated on happiness
67. 4:04often experience secondary negative emotions,
68. 4:06like guilt,
69. 4:08or frustration over being upset,
70. 4:11and disappointment that they don't feel happier.
71. 4:14This doesn't mean you should let sadness or anger take over.
72. 4:18But strategies like reappraisal can help you re-evaluate
73. 4:21your thoughts about a situation,
74. 4:23allowing you to accept that you feel sad
75. 4:26and cultivate hope that things will get better.