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How to Manage A Bipolar Relationship — Transcript

by Dr. G Explains · 2,833 words · 429 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00hey everybody Dr G here I'm a licensed
0:02clinical psychologist and personality
0:03disorder expert and today we're going to
0:05be talking about bipolar disorder and
0:07relationships
0:08[Music]
0:15bipolar disorder can be incredibly
0:16challenging for relationships and today
0:18we're going to be talking about all the
0:19different ways that it may be impacting
0:21relationships now if you're in a
0:23difficult relationship whether it's with
0:25someone who's bipolar or not I highly
0:26recommend you take the quiz I have in my
0:28description because it can help you
0:29better understand the impact your
0:31relationship may be having on you and
0:32also like to subscribe if you like this
0:34kind of content anyway moving on so what
0:37is bipolar disorder bipolar disorder is
0:40in essence a disorder where people go
0:42between Mania and depression and I'll
0:44explain what those mean it actually used
0:46to be called manic depressive disorder
0:47because people go of phases between
0:50where they're feeling really energized
0:52and Manic and excited and they're
0:55feeling highly sexualized or they're
0:56feeling impulsive or not sleeping and it
0:59goes to this phase where people talk
1:01faster they act faster they feel
1:02pressured they're around them and
1:04they're just at times they can be just
1:07emanating energy
1:08and that's what we typically see with
1:10Mania people don't also have what's
1:12called dysphoric mania where they're
1:13like that but they're very agitated and
1:15during manic phases we see people engage
1:18in things they wouldn't normally they
1:19get strange thoughts depending on the
1:21severity because there's two levels of
1:22bipolar bipolar one which is the more
1:24severe and bipolar II Which is less
1:26severe but it still can be very
1:28pervasive in how much it affects
1:30people's lives
1:32but during demandic phase people can
1:34engage in cheating behaviors they can do
1:37gambling they can waste money they can
1:39do things they wouldn't normally do they
1:41engage in impulsive things that they
1:43wouldn't normally do it's out of
1:45character for them not everybody knows
1:47when they're seeing someone who's manic
1:48it can actually be very challenging it
1:50sounds like when I describe it oh it
1:52must be obvious when somebody's manic
1:53but it isn't always the case and what
1:55happens is that after the Mania which
1:57can last a few days a couple of weeks
1:59and in some cases the more severe cases
2:01can last longer then they slip into
2:03phases of depression typically where it
2:06can be like low mood feelings of
2:08worthlessness low energy insomnia
2:11hypersomnia where you sleep too much
2:13the more typical signs of depression and
2:16so they go through phases where there's
2:18the ups and there's the downs and they
2:20can go over the course of a lifetime
2:22some people will have very few manic
2:25episodes and they could be spaced very
2:26far apart some people have them very
2:28frequently but it's a disorder that's
2:31really can be marked with irritability
2:33in quick phases of ups and downs and
2:36that's where a lot of people kind of
2:37think it is but it really is more about
2:39prolonged ups and downs rather than it
2:41being like this it's more like this but
2:44today I want to talk about how bipolar
2:45can affect relationships so first let's
2:48talk about how it affects romantic
2:49relationships
2:50being with someone who's bipolar can
2:53really test the strength of a
2:54relationship because the question is
2:57when someone's in a manic phase do you
2:59hold them accountable for all the things
3:00they do if this is somebody who normally
3:03when they're not in manic phase or when
3:05they are treated and it's managed and
3:08all of that are someone that is pretty
3:10predictable that you love to be around
3:12someone you care greatly about when
3:13they're in the manic phase and then they
3:15cheat or they waste a bunch of money or
3:17they do something that's outlandish how
3:19do you tolerate this and that's the
3:21question do you have the kind of
3:23personality that can't tolerate this
3:25we're gonna be talking in a couple of
3:27minutes more about the specifics of the
3:29kinds of behaviors people that get manic
3:31engaged in in more detail but another
3:34area that can be impacted is work
3:36because if somebody is let's say they're
3:37in sales and they are traveling around
3:40the country and then they get manic when
3:43they're doing this they might make a bad
3:45impression on a client or while they're
3:47traveling they might engage in behaviors
3:49like hiring a prostitute or something
3:51that normally this person wouldn't do
3:53there's all sorts of things that can
3:55happen that can put a lot of pressure on
3:58a job because they're they're people
4:00that are engaging in behaviors that are
4:01outside of the balance of what they find
4:03okay but it's also caused by medical
4:04condition so work can be very
4:06challenging and on the other side the
4:08depressive side it can be hard to find
4:10motivation for work it can cause
4:11problems where there's lots of time off
4:13so for people with bipolar they have to
4:15hopefully have an understanding job it's
4:18not that they have to tell people the
4:19work that they have it it depends on if
4:21they're trying to get accommodations or
4:22something like that it all gets very
4:24complicated and it's really something
4:25you need guidance to be able to do I
4:28wouldn't recommend just making all these
4:29decisions on their own because they're
4:31very complicated parenting is another
4:32one that's very challenging because when
4:35people are manic sometimes they can make
4:37crazy decisions once again spending lots
4:39of money making their kids feel on top
4:41of the world or they can be depressed
4:43and can be a very challenging parent to
4:45get to engage and it's very hard for
4:48children to see this especially when
4:49it's a severe case of bipolar the least
4:51is something like hospitalization which
4:52also also happens particularly with
4:55bipolar one because people with bipolar
4:57one with the more severe sort of
5:00behaviors can sometimes get to a place
5:02where they are delusional or they're
5:04disconnected from reality they have what
5:05we call fixed false beliefs and all of a
5:08sudden need help beyond what the family
5:10can provide and for children that can be
5:12very stressful it can be hard to watch
5:13and it can be very scary it can also be
5:15very scary for the person with bipolar
5:16so this is a very challenging issue when
5:18it comes to Parenting so obviously not
5:20all relationships with someone who has
5:22bipolar disorder are going to fail but
5:24sometimes they do and let's talk about
5:25the reasons they can pressure or
5:28challenge a relationship that do cause
5:29it to fail extreme shifts and mood is
5:31one of them when people are depressed
5:32they Moody full of feelings of
5:35worthlessness guilt can become agitated
5:37and when they're manic especially if
5:38they're dysphoric they can be very
5:39difficult to be around so these extreme
5:41shifts of mood are exhausting most
5:44people like stability they like
5:45predictability and when somebody has
5:47bipolar disorder unfortunately by by
5:49their very definition they struggle with
5:51predictability they struggle with this
5:53unless they're medicated and it's
5:54treated and you know what you're dealing
5:56with but if you don't or it's somehow
5:58mismanaged it can be very challenging
6:00and unpredictable the emotional ups and
6:02downs dealing with Mania is exhausting
6:06and dealing with depression can also be
6:08so when you're with somebody who's
6:10fluctuating not constantly between those
6:12two because it's not like you have to be
6:14one or the other but the shifts can be
6:16pretty dramatic and they can last for a
6:17while so oftentimes somebody is either
6:20mildly or severely depressed and or
6:22Manic and dealing with this is very
6:25challenging once again it's stability
6:27that a lot of people are looking for and
6:28the lack of predictability can be very
6:30uncomfortable it can be very challenging
6:32anger and rage now this is one that can
6:34become very challenging if someone is in
6:37Mania particularly if they are bipolar
6:40one when they believe something that's
6:42unusual or they're challenged in a way
6:44or they're restricted and not able to do
6:46the things that they want to do they can
6:48become angry and rageful they can act
6:49out in ways they wouldn't normally and
6:51that can be very scary and so when
6:54somebody acts out in this way some
6:56people set a clear line to say I can't
6:58deal with that and they leave the
6:59relationship they go I'm not here to
7:01manage that and they they can't tolerate
7:02it and we we've all got different things
7:04that we're okay with and that we can and
7:06can't tolerate and this type of anger
7:08and rage that we sometimes see is a red
7:10line for some folks self-destructive
7:12behaviors drug use is not uncommon at
7:15all or extreme or excessive alcohol use
7:17many different impulsive behaviors are
7:20extremely common during Mania and it can
7:22be very hard to watch it can be hard for
7:24somebody who's not a professional and
7:26even for some professionals to really
7:28understand
7:29the helplessness that people deal with
7:31when they are Manic the terrible ideas
7:34that seem like good ideas at the time
7:36the things that they engage in that feel
7:39so self-destructive and they are
7:40self-destructive but it's it's within
7:42the context of a time and a period where
7:44the person isn't thinking clearly and
7:46for some people they go I I can't I
7:48can't deal with somebody who's going to
7:49drink like this or drink and drive or
7:51end up with another DUI because they're
7:53romantic or end up in another situation
7:55where they did drugs or whatever it is
7:57these manic phases can be exceedingly
8:00difficult
8:01because they really are impulsive and
8:03unusual behaviors that people may engage
8:05in I know there was a psychologist
8:07actually with bipolar and they had said
8:08that during their manic phase they went
8:10and bought people snake bite kids in a
8:12place where there weren't really any
8:13snakes it seemed like a great idea at
8:14the time they wasted some money
8:16but the point is is that you may engage
8:18in irrational or unusual behaviors
8:21during this time hypersexuality if
8:24there's one issue that ends
8:26relationships with bipolar more than
8:28anything else this would be the one
8:30because when people become hypersexual
8:32and they are impulsive and they are
8:34Manic and they go around and they sleep
8:36with people or they sleep with somebody
8:37because of some delusional sort of
8:39underpinning which is on the more severe
8:42side this is one that crosses the whole
8:44spectrum of bipolar disorder
8:46hypersexuality cheating
8:49it's it's one that some people say I
8:52can't deal with that whether somebody is
8:54ill or not some people say that that is
8:55absolutely a red line for them I've seen
8:57plenty of relationships that have become
8:59challenged to the point of not working
9:00because infidelity was the line for them
9:03and it's not always infidelity sometimes
9:05it's hypersexuality with their own
9:06partner that tends to be less of an
9:08issue but it's still an issue if you
9:10have somebody with a different libido
9:11somebody with a manic libido dealing
9:13with somebody who may have more average
9:15or even a lower one
9:16is going to be tremendously frustrating
9:18for both people and so it can lead to
9:20arguments it can lead to all sorts of
9:22frustrating situations for everybody
9:24involved and so hypersexuality is the
9:27one I see leading to more clear-cut
9:29situations where people say I don't care
9:30if they're romantic or not I don't want
9:32to do this anymore social isolation this
9:35tends to come here in the depressive
9:36phase and oftentimes when people are
9:38feeling extremely depressed they do
9:40isolate socially if it's severe enough
9:42and with that sometimes their partners
9:44are impacted by it as well because they
9:45don't want to do things with friends
9:46they don't want to go out so social
9:48isolation can become a big factor and
9:50frustrating the partner that doesn't
9:52have bipolar disorder so how do you cope
9:54when you have a relationship with
9:55bipolar disorder and it fails is one
9:57understanding that if you're the person
9:59with bipolar disorder that everybody's
10:02got what they can and can't tolerate in
10:03relationships and hopefully you're with
10:06somebody that has the ability to
10:07tolerate different fluctuations that
10:08you're going to have and so as
10:11frustrating as it can be not everybody's
10:12built for that not everybody's built for
10:14being in a relationship with someone
10:15with bipolar disorder if if you're with
10:17somebody with bipolar and the
10:18relationship fails it's understanding
10:20the mental illness underlying the
10:23challenges underlying why a cheating may
10:25have happened or why your partner may
10:27have gone and done something that was
10:29impulsive then you have to understand it
10:31has less to do with you and more the
10:32idea that your partner or former partner
10:35who had bipolar needs to be with
10:37somebody who can tolerate that type of
10:39lifestyle and you have to be with
10:40somebody who has the stability you're
10:41looking for sometimes that's just how
10:43relationships go unfortunately but if
10:45you're in a relationship with someone
10:46with bipolar and you want to make it
10:48work let's talk about the different
10:49things you can do one is going to
10:51couples counseling because oftentimes
10:52people that I see where there's a couple
10:54where one or the other has bipolar
10:56disorder they tend to not have a really
10:59great depth of knowledge about this
11:01disorder as most people don't and
11:03there's plenty of clinicians who don't
11:04as well if I'm being honest so I
11:06wouldn't expect you to go into a
11:08situation knowing all about bipolar but
11:10hopefully if you have a therapist who's
11:11knowledgeable in this area they can
11:13really help you understand what the
11:15diagnosis is the impact it may have had
11:17the different issues it has caused and
11:19to understand truly what the Mania is
11:22and the kinds of things you can expect
11:24from it getting involved with treatment
11:26as a partner of someone with bipolar you
11:28can get involved with the treatment if
11:29your partner is comfortable with that
11:31because you may have to help them
11:33understand when they are getting manic
11:35you may have to remind them to take
11:36their meds you may have to do a lot of
11:37things
11:38involved with helping them manage their
11:41issue unfortunately that's the reality
11:44of being the partner of someone with
11:45bipolar disorder is there may be a lot
11:47that falls in your lap
11:49in order to help you have a higher
11:52quality relationship practice self-care
11:54it is exhausting and challenging to be
11:57with someone with bipolar disorder and
11:59that's just the reality of it and that's
12:00okay that doesn't make them bad people
12:01it just means you've got to be able to
12:03find time for yourself to relax to talk
12:05to someone to get your own therapy about
12:07this this is really really important and
12:10I see that that when there's a marriage
12:12that is really working with someone with
12:14bipolar it's because the person without
12:16bipolar is taking really good care of
12:18themselves and they're setting really
12:19good boundaries about what they will and
12:21won't tolerate learning about the
12:22condition is so important it's such a
12:26difficult condition to understand it's
12:28so difficult to relate to unless you're
12:30talking to other people who have parents
12:33siblings spouses whatever with bipolar
12:36disorder unless you've been around it or
12:38unless you're a clinician it can be very
12:40challenging to know how to deal with
12:43something like this create a support
12:44plan you've got to know where you're
12:47going to get support from because there
12:48are going to be challenges being with
12:50someone with bipolar that just is the
12:52reality of the disorder is that at times
12:54it doesn't mean it could be years and
12:57years apart when hard challenges come
12:59but it's likely that there will be
13:00challenges at times so having a support
13:02a support plan in place having people
13:04you can talk to whether it's a support
13:06group of people with spouses with
13:09bipolar disorder for example or it's
13:11just family and friends and people you
13:13can you can turn to when the challenges
13:15happen it's vitally important that
13:17you've got this outfit communicate your
13:19feelings don't hold it all in the
13:21frustrations that come with being with
13:22someone who's manic or being someone
13:24who's depressed being with someone who's
13:25depressed you got to be able to talk to
13:27these talk about these feelings whether
13:29it's with friends family a group a
13:31therapist you got to be able to talk
13:33about this stuff you can't hold these
13:35things in
13:36so if you're in a challenging
13:38relationship I highly recommend as I
13:40mentioned earlier the quiz that you
13:41should take below it'll give you some
13:43idea of whether or not maybe your
13:45relationship is having some impact on
13:47you
13:48but if you like this kind of content you
13:49want to learn more about mental health
13:50please like And subscribe here thanks
13:53for watching
13:55foreign

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