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How To Make The Next 10 Years The Best Years Of Your Life | Mel Robbins | FO584 Raj Shamani — Transcript

by Raj Shamani · 17,517 words · 3,019 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00you will be startled at what you can
0:02accomplish in 10 years if you define
0:04what you want and you know why you want
0:06it. And despite how you feel, you force
0:09yourself one move at a time. And then
0:13what we do, and this is the hard part
0:14>> What's the hard part?
0:16>> Do it.
0:18And this is what changed my life. And I
0:22call this the 5 second window. It
0:24defines your whole life. If you think
0:25about what you need to do for more than
0:275 seconds, you will not do it. You'll
0:28talk yourself out of it. And the way
0:30that I learned how to do it is you count
0:31backwards 5 4 3 2 1 then move.
0:36>> Mel Robbins is a best selling author and
0:38host of one of the world's leading
0:40podcasts inspiring millions of people to
0:43transform their lives. In this episode,
0:45she reveals how to stop overthinking,
0:48overcome self-doubt, and finally take
0:50action.
0:51>> If someone's going through a very tough
0:53time in life, [music] jobs not working
0:55out, they lost their partner or the
0:57husband or wife or the earning member of
0:59the family.
1:00>> If you're watching right now and you're
1:02in a terrible chapter of your life and
1:04you're really struggling right now, one
1:06thing you can do immediately, I want you
1:08to start a small practice of gratitude.
1:11Now, what does that mean? It means
1:12you're going to train your brain to
1:14intentionally spot aspects of your life
1:18that are going well that you're grateful
1:20for. If you get into that downward
1:23cycle, that's is the single biggest
1:25thing that's standing in most people's
1:27way right now unless you start to create
1:29a positive upward spiral by
1:31intentionally noticing the things that
1:34you still have to be grateful for.
1:36>> A lot of people know that they want to
1:37change their life.
1:38>> Yes.
1:39>> They think about it every night. They
1:40want to change it.
1:41>> Yes.
1:41>> Yet there are people who are not able to
1:43change it. What is happening?
1:45>> If you want to feel a little bit better
1:47in your life without being able to
1:50change anything right now, the one thing
1:53you can always change is this. And so
1:55the first step is you're going to start
1:57waking up every single day by setting an
1:59intention. And intention I use today is
2:02going to be a good day because I'm going
2:04to make something good happen. And what
2:06you're doing by saying that is you are
2:09giving your mind a job. The second thing
2:12that I do is I always start my day
2:16thinking about the one thing that
2:18matters to me to make progress on
2:20because I think every day it's important
2:22to wake up and have something you need
2:24to do. You do those things every day,
2:26you have a really good life. Third thing
2:28[music] I want you to do, if you want to
2:30feel more in control of your emotions
2:32and shift your emotional state, move
2:34your body physically. And then the final
2:36thing that I would say is
2:42>> I have a small favor to ask you. I need
2:44you to subscribe to our channel. The
2:46more subscribers we have, the better and
2:49bigger guests we can bring and provide
2:51you more value through these
2:53conversations. And the full audio
2:55experience of this show is also
2:57available on Spotify where you can
2:59follow us and listen to the new episodes
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3:58Thank you so much. Welcome on the show.
3:59>> Well, thank you for having me.
4:01>> It's amazing. I was just
4:02>> talking to my team before you came here.
4:04I was like, hey, I used to
4:07I have seen so many videos of you. I
4:10like typically like grew up watching
4:12you.
4:13>> You did? And you [clears throat] still
4:14invited me here.
4:16>> [laughter]
4:16>> That's why I invited you. It was like
4:18one of the
4:20like you were on on the list of like
4:21probably top six or seven people that I
4:23always wanted to call.
4:24>> Really?
4:25>> Yeah. And I because I
4:28Because
4:30you know how for the first time when you
4:31start watching these
4:33motivational videos or all these videos
4:35which you want want to watch to turn
4:37your life around or want to watch
4:40just to learn how they speak.
4:42You were one of those people where I
4:43used to resonate with and I used to just
4:45like the way you you you speak.
4:47There were so many things in your story
4:49which I would probably not even relate
4:51to, but I would just love the way you
4:53would explain things. And I
4:55there was a time and you, Simon, Tony,
4:59these were like I would just listen to
5:01you guys all day, all night.
5:03So that's why you were on the list. And
5:05it it was amazing. And there were so
5:06many
5:07relationship bits that you used to like
5:11I mean your clips here and there. I
5:12would pick that up and just put it. And
5:14then five second rule obviously that was
5:17it helped me start waking up early.
5:19>> Wow.
5:19>> So I used to be the guy who would wake
5:22up
5:23but then be on the bed for like three
5:24hours.
5:25>> Wow.
5:26>> And then the five second rule I was
5:27like, okay, I need to just get out of
5:28bed.
5:28>> in bed for three hours? Was there
5:30something going wrong in your life or
5:31were you just lazy?
5:32>> Oh, no, just lazy. I was like, okay,
5:33yeah, just checking phone and just I
5:36mean three hours exaggeration, but like
5:37one, two hours I'd be on the phone. And
5:40after two hours I'd get up and do the
5:42work. Like I'll actually go kill it, but
5:44I would waste two hours. And then the
5:46five second rules helped me. So so many
5:48things if I will look back and reflect
5:50right now, I'm I'm really grateful for
5:52your content. So thank you so much.
5:54>> Well, I'm I'm honored that you have just
5:57taken the time to tell me.
5:59And you know for the person that 's
6:01listening to us and watching right now,
6:03I think this is a very important
6:05takeaway.
6:06Because one of the things that I've done
6:09in my life, and I'm sure you've done it,
6:11and I know as you're watching and
6:13listening, you've done this to yourself,
6:15is you talk yourself out of
6:19doing the things that you want to do.
6:22And when I started putting content
6:24online and I started sharing the things
6:27that were working for me,
6:29never in my wildest dreams did I think
6:32it would go halfway around the world and
6:34reach somebody who's half my age and
6:37make a difference. And you have no idea
6:41how
6:42big of an impact you can make in
6:44somebody's life. You have no idea how
6:47much of the difference you can make.
6:49And if you don't get out of your own way
6:54and get started,
6:56you will never experience the magic that
6:59is contained within your lifetime
7:01because you will have talked yourself
7:03out of even doing the things you want to
7:06do.
7:07>> True.
7:08True.
7:08>> And now here we are,
7:10and we're on your show.
7:12>> Thank you so much.
7:13>> And you're the one that's going to be
7:15putting out the content that will ripple
7:17around the world and impact somebody
7:19else's life.
7:20>> I hope so.
7:21>> So, uh thank you for inviting me here. I
7:24am excited to co-create this with you.
7:26>> Thank you so much for coming. Let's say
7:28if someone's watching you for the first
7:29time,
7:30>> Uh-huh.
7:30>> they have no clue who you are.
7:32>> Okay.
7:32>> How would you explain them who you are,
7:34what do you do,
7:35>> Ahem.
7:35>> and [clears throat] what are they going
7:36to learn by the end of this podcast?
7:38>> Okay. So, my name is Mel,
7:40and I, in terms of a job,
7:44I'm the CEO of a media company
7:47that makes a positive impact in the
7:50lives of, I would say, hundreds of
7:52millions of people.
7:54And I do that through writing books and
7:56through recording podcasts and through
7:58giving speeches and through um putting
8:01out short-form content online.
8:04And my
8:06mission in life
8:08is to be a source of encouragement
8:12to other people
8:13and to use uh media and conversations
8:18like this
8:19as a way to highlight wisdom and as a
8:22way to highlight research and highlight
8:24habits and hacks that can help you
8:27create a better life.
8:29But mostly what I am
8:32is I am a very good friend. I am the
8:36friend that you need
8:37that provides you the encouragement that
8:40you need when life is hard or when you
8:43start doubting yourself. And I am the
8:47friend that is annoying
8:49when you start beating yourself up, I
8:54tell you to knock it off. When you start
8:56saying uh should I go to a nursing
8:58school? Should I should I end this this
9:00relationship? I'm the one that's like do
9:03it! Like I and so I'm that person in
9:07your life because we all need that
9:08person. And in my life when I have
9:10struggled and I have struggled
9:12profoundly throughout my life, I tend to
9:14learn things the hard way.
9:17It
9:17it's easy to isolate yourself and it's
9:20easy to feel alone. And
9:25I tried to be the person that I needed
9:28in those moments in how I show up every
9:31single day.
9:32And so that's what I would say. And then
9:34in terms of some of the other details,
9:35I'm 58 years old.
9:37I just celebrated my 30th wedding
9:39anniversary.
9:41>> Wow.
9:41>> I have three kids who are uh
9:44I should say we have three kids who are
9:4527 26 and 21 two girls and uh a boy.
9:50And uh I am an entrepreneur and I am a
9:55deeply spiritual person and I'm outside
9:58all the time and I live you know despite
10:01the fact that I have a global following
10:03and one of the largest podcasts in the
10:05world and I've written the book The Let
10:07Them Theory with my daughter Sawyer all
10:09about what's in your control and what's
10:10not in your control.
10:12And it's one of the most successful
10:14nonfiction books ever written.
10:16Um,
10:18I live in a tiny town.
10:20And I
10:23care deeply about my family and about
10:27the community I live in. And I am
10:30somebody who believes that every human
10:33being on this planet has worth
10:36and that there is
10:37a deeply personal
10:40purpose for you being here.
10:42You are not here on this planet at this
10:44moment on accident.
10:47You are here with the other eight
10:49billion of us
10:50for a very specific reason.
10:54And my hope and mission and intention
10:58for being here
10:59is to encourage you
11:01and to inspire you
11:04to wake up
11:05and to recognize that the time that you
11:09have left on this planet is a gift.
11:12And that you have the ability to change
11:15who you are,
11:17to change the way you think,
11:19to change the way you feel, to change
11:20your health, to change your habits, to
11:23change your career.
11:25You have the ability to do that. And
11:28there will be something that is said by
11:30either Raj or me that is exactly what
11:33you are meant to hear at this exact
11:36moment in your life. It is going to be
11:37uncanny. You're going to feel the hair
11:40on your arms lift up.
11:42And that is why I showed up today.
11:46Because you made time to listen to and
11:49to watch something that you knew could
11:52help you feel better and do better in
11:54your life. And I honor that. And I'm
11:57going to do whatever I can to spark that
12:00light
12:01inside you.
12:03>> So
12:04right now, if someone's watching,
12:05>> Yeah.
12:06>> and they're in they're watching in a
12:08hope that you'll
12:10they want to change their lives, right?
12:12There there's some spark.
12:14Before even they change their lives,
12:15some people are not self-aware.
12:18>> Uh-huh.
12:18>> a friend, because you love helping
12:30>> helpful to think about your life as if
12:34it's a movie or a book.
12:37And
12:38where you are in this exact moment is
12:41just a scene in the movie.
12:44This is not how it ends.
12:46And you know how I know?
12:48Because you're still alive.
12:50And if you like the book metaphor,
12:53you're on page, I don't know, 93.
12:57And this is a big book.
12:58>> Yeah.
12:59>> So you're just on a page.
13:02And if you're listening and watching
13:04this right now,
13:06that tells me you want more out of life.
13:09See, people don't listen to you
13:11just to waste time.
13:13>> True.
13:14>> Somebody that hits play on this show,
13:18and I want to acknowledge that,
13:20that you hit play on an interview with
13:22Mel and Raj because you're like, oh,
13:24it's going to go down.
13:26Like I I I can't like I need that. I I
13:28want to I want to feel inspired.
13:31You are not wired
13:33as a human being to survive your life.
13:35>> True.
13:36>> You are not meant to be stuck.
13:38You are not meant to feel like things
13:40are have no meaning.
13:42Those things are going to happen in your
13:44life, but that's not why you're here.
13:47And I personally believe that everybody
13:49wants to thrive. Everybody wants to feel
13:52like their life has meaning. Everybody
13:54wants to put their head down on the
13:55pillow at night and say, okay, you did a
13:57good job today. You are a good person
13:59today. I'm proud of you today. Like what
14:02you did today mattered. And you can make
14:05tiny changes
14:07that can do that. And so
14:10some of the reasons why
14:12uh you can find yourself in a chapter of
14:15your life or in a scene in the movie
14:17where you feel discouraged
14:19>> Mhm.
14:20>> or you feel checked out.
14:22Or you feel that
14:25kind of feeling where you're like, is
14:27this all there is?
14:29I'm just waking up.
14:31I'm eating the same old stuff.
14:33I'm going through the motions.
14:35I'm hanging out with people who don't
14:36care about me.
14:38I'm going to a job that I hate.
14:40Going home, flipping through the
14:42channels.
14:43Laying back down in bed, I'm scrolling
14:45on my phone looking Is this Is this
14:47really all there is?
14:50And you can find yourself there for a
14:52number of reasons. You can find yourself
14:53there because a lot of stuff has
14:55happened to you in the past and it's
14:56beaten you down.
14:58You can find yourself there because
14:59something has happened in your life
15:02right now. Maybe somebody that you love
15:04has died. Maybe you lost your job. Maybe
15:06you're going through a breakup. Maybe
15:09you're having trouble getting pregnant
15:11and all your friends are getting
15:12pregnant. Maybe you've had a string of
15:16attempts to launch something and it's
15:18not working.
15:19There's so many reasons why you can get
15:21to a chapter in your life where you feel
15:25like things are not going well.
15:28And I
15:29believe
15:31that while it's important to recognize
15:34that
15:36there's a bunch of things that led you
15:37to this chapter,
15:39the more powerful thing to do is to say
15:42yes and
15:44now what?
15:46Yes and now what?
15:49Because you can waste the rest of your
15:52life beating yourself up. You can waste
15:55the rest of your life telling yourself
15:57things like that don't happen to a
15:58person like me. I could never do that.
16:00I'm not smart enough. I'm not good
16:02enough. I'm not this. I'm not that.
16:04And you can do that.
16:07Or you can have a moment, and I hope it
16:10happens as you're listening or watching
16:11today where you say, you know what?
16:15I want more out of my life.
16:17I want more out of my life, and nobody
16:19is going to magically ride a dragon into
16:22my living room and rescue me from this
16:25situation.
16:27And I don't need anybody to
16:30because I can rescue myself. I can
16:33change. The only person who's truly
16:35stopping me is me.
16:37>> Fair.
16:38>> [clears throat]
16:38>> And so the most important thing
16:41is to
16:43recognize
16:44that you have agency and a choice in
16:47your life to change.
16:49And if you don't want to change,
16:52there's nothing I can say or do that's
16:54going to make you change.
16:55>> Do you think you can change a person who
16:56doesn't want to change?
16:57>> Absolutely not.
16:58>> Never.
16:58>> Never. You have no control over what
17:01another person does. No control.
17:06>> And if someone's going through
17:08a very tough time in life, how do
17:10>> me an example.
17:13>> Let's say things are
17:16jobs not working out.
17:17>> Mhm.
17:19>> They faced a big financial problem.
17:21>> Yep.
17:22>> Their health is not good.
17:24>> Okay.
17:24>> They lost
17:25the they lost their partner or the
17:28husband or wife or the earning member of
17:30the family or they're too young and then
17:32they lost their parents. Like something
17:34very terrible.
17:35>> Yes.
17:36>> How do you know that life is genuinely
17:38not being unfair and
17:40>> It is being unfair.
17:41Life is unfair. And
17:43what are you going to do about it?
17:45Really terrible things happen to amazing
17:48people.
17:49And
17:50what are you going to do next?
17:54It's not like like I believe that
17:57horrible things happen to people that do
17:59not deserve it.
18:01And they happen for no reason.
18:03And it's unfair.
18:04>> True.
18:06>> And
18:08you have to find a reason to move
18:11forward.
18:13That's what's in your control. The the
18:15number one thing in life that you cannot
18:17control
18:18is what another person thinks, does,
18:21says, whether or not they heal, whether
18:22or not they lose weight, whether or not
18:24they get sober, whether or not they
18:26develop a sense of humor, whether or not
18:27they start processing, you know, faster
18:30or they ask less You You can't change
18:32another person. And you create so much
18:35frustration in your life and you create
18:37a lot of tension in your relationships
18:39by wishing everybody else would be
18:41different
18:42and by stepping across the line and
18:44trying to solve everybody else's
18:46problems. That's not love, that's
18:47control.
18:48>> Mhm.
18:49>> And wishing the person that you are in a
18:52relationship with would be different,
18:53that's not loving somebody, that's
18:55judgment.
18:56I learned this the hard way, by the way.
18:58Like I didn't learn this till I was 54
19:00and I've been married for 30 years. I
19:02spent I feel like I'm in a second
19:04marriage now that I've created the let
19:05them theory because I've learned how to
19:07truly look at my husband and accept him
19:10for who he is and who he isn't.
19:13And I've learned how to be less judgy
19:16and I've learned how to stop controlling
19:19him
19:20and focus on the one thing I can control
19:22and that's me, Mel Robbins. I can
19:23control what I think about, I can
19:25control what I do or don't do.
19:28I can control whether or not I show up
19:29with compassion
19:31and acceptance or do I show up with
19:33judgment and frustration.
19:35>> Mhm.
19:35>> I can also I can't control my emotional
19:38reactions, but I can control how I
19:40respond to what's happening
19:42in my body. That's all you got.
19:44>> So there are two things which you said,
19:45right? The second one was to let them
19:47and the first one was about
19:49you got to move forward, right?
19:51>> Yes.
19:52>> That's very
19:53That's very simple, basic advice. A lot
19:55of people know this. A lot of people
19:56know that they want to change their
19:57life.
19:57>> Yes.
19:58>> They have this intention. They think
19:59about it every night before sleeping.
20:01They're like, yeah, just by from
20:02tomorrow
20:03>> about it isn't doing it.
20:04>> Yeah, fair, fair. And then that's what
20:06I'm coming to. Like they think about it
20:07every night. They want to change it.
20:09>> Yes.
20:09>> Yet there are people who are not able to
20:11change it. What is happening
20:14between thinking and
20:16not changing their life? Because
20:18everybody knows that, hey, I want to I
20:20want to change.
20:20>> So I'm going to write cuz I
20:22a whiteboard.
20:25>> I love whiteboard too.
20:28>> So, the first thing you have to do is
20:30answer this question. What do I
20:34really
20:37want
20:39and why?
20:42So, that's the intention, okay?
20:44>> Okay.
20:46>> The next thing that you're going to do
20:48is if that's the intention,
20:51what is the action
20:53that causes it?
20:55That's it.
20:57What you're talking about And And most
20:58people
21:00most people, and this was me,
21:04are not able to change their life
21:05because they don't even know what they
21:06really want.
21:09>> What do you mean? Give me an example.
21:10>> Oh, I should lose weight, I should get a
21:12different job, I should do this, I
21:13should do that, I should do the other
21:14thing.
21:14>> know what they want, right?
21:15>> No, no, no, no. That's not what I want.
21:17That's what I think I should do.
21:19>> Okay, what's the difference?
21:20>> There's a huge difference. When you say
21:22I should,
21:24you're imposing something on yourself.
21:27You're not choosing it.
21:30I should exercise.
21:31>> Hm.
21:32>> I should exercise because
21:34um I need to lose some weight.
21:36>> Hm.
21:37>> Did I choose that?
21:40>> No.
21:40>> Or am I just thinking about something
21:41that I think I should do because other
21:43people said I should do it, but I don't
21:44really want to do it and I know that I
21:46don't really want to do it because I
21:47don't really have an intention to do it.
21:49I'm just going to think about it and
21:50torture myself.
21:51>> Yeah.
21:54So, how do you choose then?
21:55>> Well, what you do is you have to You
21:57have to take a minute and this is If
22:00there's one thing you take away from
22:01this
22:02other than the fact that you can change,
22:06you're one decision away from a
22:07different life.
22:09But the first question you have to ask
22:11is what do I really want
22:14and why do I want that?
22:16And
22:17you can answer that this way.
22:21I find that
22:24sometimes it's easier to answer the
22:26question in the negative.
22:28So if you can't answer
22:31the question, what do I really want?
22:33>> Mhm.
22:34>> Okay, so you can answer this one.
22:39What do I want?
22:42Okay? There's one way you can but you
22:44have to answer
22:47either this question, what do I want?
22:49Or what
22:52do I
22:54not
22:56want?
22:59>> Mhm.
22:59>> And I tend to be more of a negatively
23:02motivated person.
23:04I tend to be the kind of person that
23:06what comes into focus
23:09is what I don't want first.
23:11Because that's easy to identify. Like
23:13here's what I want you to think about as
23:15you're listening and watching. Your life
23:17right now,
23:18where you work, where you live, your
23:21habits, your morning routine, and by the
23:23way, if you lay in bed like Raj used to,
23:25rotting on your phone for 2 hours,
23:27that's a morning routine.
23:29There's morning like whatever you do
23:31every morning is your morning routine.
23:32>> Yeah.
23:33>> What you're doing on an average Tuesday,
23:35that's your life. Your life is not a
23:37vacation. Your life is Tuesdays all
23:40added up. That's what your life is. So
23:42if you think about the average Tuesday
23:46and you roll the clock forward,
23:49let's go 4 years.
23:51It's 2030.
23:53Because your life right now is a path
23:55that you're on.
23:57And if things go okay,
24:004 years from now, 2030, that time's
24:02going to come and go before you realize
24:04it. It's going to pass whether you do
24:06something different or not.
24:08And if you think about waking up on a
24:10Tuesday in 2030 and you're in the same
24:11job,
24:13you're in the same relationship,
24:15you got the same body,
24:16you got the same morning routine, you
24:18got the same habits,
24:21do you
24:22like that? Do you want that?
24:25And if you
24:27roll the clock forward to 2030 yes, I
24:29love my job. Yes, my relationship.
24:31Great.
24:33Then you know what to do. Keep doing
24:35what you do and try to insert moments of
24:38presence and joy and gratitude in your
24:40day and that's how you magnify something
24:43that's working.
24:44But if you roll the clock forward
24:47and you think about a Tuesday on 2030 in
24:49the same job with the same bank account
24:51with the same person you're dating with
24:53the same
24:54and you're like
24:56I don't want that.
24:58Great.
24:59You just woke up.
25:01You just recognized that where your life
25:04is taking you is not where you want to
25:05end up.
25:06>> Mhm.
25:07>> And in that moment you have awareness
25:10and you get to now decide well if I
25:13don't want my life to take me there,
25:16what would I like to imagine could be
25:18different?
25:20Can I imagine a job where I go in to
25:23work and I'm excited to work?
25:25Can I imagine a relationship whether
25:27it's a relationship with the person I'm
25:29already with but we've worked on it and
25:32things have gotten better
25:34and I feel in love again?
25:36Can I imagine living in a different
25:37place? Can I imagine having a better
25:39relationship with my kids or parents?
25:41Can I imagine seeing my friends more?
25:44Give yourself permission to time travel
25:48to the future you
25:51and think about how you want your life
25:53to feel
25:54and think about how you want your
25:56mornings to be and think about how you
25:59want friendship to appear in your life
26:01and think about what your romantic life
26:03is like and family and imagine it.
26:07And then I want you to open your eyes
26:10and get a pen and write down what is a
26:13Tuesday
26:14look like? What time do you wake up?
26:17What is your new morning routine look
26:19like in 2030 if you're this person who
26:23feels present, if you're proud of
26:25yourself, if you're doing something with
26:27your time,
26:28if you're surrounded by people that you
26:30care about, what does that person's life
26:31look like?
26:34Your imagination, your dreams, your
26:36goals gives you the map
26:40to how to get there.
26:42And then what we do, and this is the
26:45hard part,
26:46>> What's the hard part?
26:47>> doing it.
26:49That's the hard part.
26:51Because what happens is there's a
26:56there's a huge gap
26:57between
27:01the thinking, right?
27:05And the plan,
27:10the vision, whatever you want to call
27:12this, the goal.
27:17So here's this.
27:19This is what
27:23>> Okay.
27:23>> need to do.
27:28And then there's the action
27:31that creates it. It's the get out of
27:34bed.
27:36The stuff you need to do is obvious.
27:38Apply for the job,
27:42stop drinking,
27:47exercise,
27:50sleep,
27:52[laughter]
27:53be kinder to people,
27:55manage my emotions,
27:58save money,
28:00make money,
28:02right? Volunteer.
28:05There's the list, but here's the
28:06problem. You know what to do,
28:10you know what you want.
28:12The thing you need to do is obvious,
28:16but then right here in the middle
28:19is where you get
28:20in trouble. This is the difference
28:21between thinking and doing.
28:23>> Yeah.
28:23>> This is the knowledge action gap.
28:26>> Mhm.
28:26>> And how this starts is in the moment
28:30when it's time to get out of bed,
28:32you're a dummy.
28:33Instead of just getting out of bed, oh
28:35no, you're like Mel Robbins used to be.
28:37You lay in and like Raj used to be. You
28:39lay in bed and you think about how you
28:41feel about getting out of bed.
28:45You got to apply for the job. You know
28:46that. You know how to do this. But
28:47instead of applying for the job, you sit
28:49and think about how you feel about doing
28:51it.
28:51>> Yeah.
28:53>> You need to stop drinking, but oh, but
28:55okay. And I realize there are issues
28:56with addiction that make it a little bit
28:58more complicated, but you you you know
29:00you're not going to have a drink, but
29:01then you feel like having a drink and
29:02now you're thinking about it and you're
29:04thinking about how you feel about it.
29:07And so the problem is here, and I call
29:09this the 5-second window.
29:11>> Hey.
29:12>> There's a 5-second window
29:15between thinking and doing. It defines
29:18your whole life. If you think about what
29:19you need to do for more than 5 seconds,
29:21you will not do it, period.
29:24You won't do it. You'll talk yourself
29:25out of it.
29:26Autopilot takes over, your old habits
29:28kick in, your emotions ramp up.
29:31And this is
29:34what
29:35changed my life, is understanding that
29:38if you can move within a 5-second
29:40window, if you can move within 5 seconds
29:42of thinking about anything,
29:44you actually get yourself out of this
29:47trap. And the way that I learned how to
29:49do it is you count backwards. You have
29:50to do it backwards. 5 4 3 2 1 then move.
29:56And the reason why this works, so let's
29:59say you got to exercise.
30:01You're sitting on the couch, you're
30:02flipping through channels, you know you
30:04got to go for a walk because you've
30:06heard the experts on Raj's podcast. We
30:08got to go for a walk, everybody. We got
30:10to get sunlight in our eyes. We got to
30:11do all these things. Like we all know
30:14what we need to do. We're not idiots.
30:16We just get stuck up here.
30:18>> Yeah.
30:19>> And instead of just
30:205 4 3 2 1 move,
30:23we go, ah, I don't really feel like it.
30:25Ah, I'll do it later. And that's just
30:26how your brain is wired. You are never
30:28going to feel like doing the things
30:31that you need to do
30:32ever.
30:33And that's why I say motivation is
30:35garbage.
30:36You're going waste your whole life
30:37waiting to feel ready, waiting to feel
30:39motivated, waiting for the right time,
30:42waiting till you're not afraid, waiting,
30:44waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. And
30:46what you're waiting for is for your
30:47casket to arrive because you're going to
30:48be in the ground
30:50and you're going to have spent your
30:51entire life
30:53thinking about what you needed to do and
30:55allowing your emotions and your feelings
30:57and the resistance that you feel to
30:59determine what you need to do. And the
31:01secret is identify what you want and
31:04then ignore how you feel.
31:07>> Ignore how you feel.
31:08>> Yes, cuz you're not going to you you're
31:11you're not it is part of the wiring. I
31:13learned this you should have Have you
31:15had Dr. K on the Healthy Gamer?
31:16>> Yeah.
31:17>> Okay. Well, I learned the most I've ever
31:19learned about motivation in the brain
31:20from Dr. K.
31:21And you should check out the episode Raj
31:23did with him.
31:24He basically says that we are all
31:27none of us understand the way our minds
31:29actually work. It's sort of like driving
31:31a car and you think you're pressing the
31:35accelerator, but you're actually
31:36slamming on the brake.
31:38And Dr. K very plainly will tell you,
31:41your mind can change.
31:43>> Mhm.
31:44>> Your mind is growing and learning and
31:47creating new connections through your
31:49entire lifetime. That's the great news.
31:51But here's the problem.
31:53Your mind doesn't want it to change.
31:55And so anytime you are going to make
32:00yourself do something,
32:02get out of bed, apply for the job, stop
32:04drinking, exercise, sleep, be kinder,
32:06manage your money, save your money, make
32:08your money, manage your emotions,
32:10volunteer anytime you're about to do
32:11something
32:12that you know you want to do, but you
32:14just don't feel like doing it, that's
32:15your brain saying, I don't want to do
32:16the thing that's hard.
32:18Your brain wants to do what's easy. And
32:20what's easy is sitting on the couch
32:22and eating potato chips.
32:25What's hard is pushing yourself off the
32:27couch
32:28and going for a walk.
32:30>> True.
32:30>> It's always going to be this way,
32:32always. And so here's what I want you to
32:34know.
32:35You can feel
32:38the resistance, you can feel
32:40afraid, you can feel self-doubt, and you
32:43can still make yourself do it.
32:47You have to
32:49put the action first
32:53so that your emotions and your feelings
32:57don't ruin your life.
33:00>> Fair. But then can you train your brain
33:03to love the hard things?
33:06>> I think it depends on you. I I would
33:07prefer
33:09to not have to make myself like it.
33:12Like why I don't like picking up dog
33:14poop. I still do it.
33:16I don't like unloading the dishwasher. I
33:18still do it. I don't like folding
33:21clothes when they come out of the dryer,
33:22and I'm grateful to have a dryer. I'm
33:24grateful to have a dishwasher. I'm
33:26grateful to have a dog.
33:28But I don't want to do those things.
33:30Why would I have to twist myself in
33:33knots and gaslight myself into trying to
33:36love something that I don't like doing?
33:39How about this? How about you grow up
33:41and be an adult and learn how to do
33:42things you don't like doing so you can
33:44have the life that you love?
33:46Because news flash,
33:48if you just did all the things you don't
33:50want to do, in 10 years you'd have
33:52everything you've ever wanted.
33:55>> But isn't that a bad way to live that
33:57you don't like
33:59half of the things that you do?
34:00>> I think it's a bad way to live to only
34:03do the things you like.
34:04>> Okay, explain more. Why?
34:06>> Why?
34:07>> Because Haven't you heard that you
34:09should keep doing things that you like?
34:10You should fall in love with the
34:12process. You should love You should fall
34:13in love with everything that you do and
34:15only do things which you love.
34:17>> I think that's a very privileged point
34:19of view. Is somebody paying your bills?
34:21>> No.
34:21>> Right? So there's reality and there's
34:23fiction and fantasy. The reality is you
34:26may be in a chapter of your life where
34:27you got no choice but to go to a job you
34:29hate.
34:30>> Yeah.
34:30>> You got no choice but to drag your
34:33overweight self up the flight of stairs
34:35because you've let yourself go because
34:36you've been caring for your dying
34:37parents.
34:39If you are in that chapter where you are
34:41really struggling and I've been in those
34:43chapters, then I want to say bravo to
34:46you for waking up and pushing yourself
34:48through those chapters. And I'm not
34:50going to tell you to fall in love with a
34:51job you hate
34:53because
34:55I don't I I I I I don't I think that's a
34:57fantasy. What I can tell you
35:00is you can switch your attitude
35:03and you can start to find the why
35:06it's important to have a job that you
35:09hate right now.
35:11And the why it's important to have a job
35:14that you hate is because it's paying
35:15your bills.
35:16And that's important to you because you
35:18want to take care of your family. And
35:19that's important to you because you need
35:20to take care of yourself.
35:22And another why I can think of is that
35:24all work has value. Even the jobs that
35:27you hate. In fact, the jobs that you
35:28hate can often teach you the most about
35:30life, success, marketing, motivation.
35:33Because showing up in a situation you
35:35hate and overriding all of the negative
35:38emotions you feel and still showing up
35:40and doing a good job,
35:42that is a skill.
35:45Being grateful for the money that you're
35:48earning in a job that you hate
35:50is a
35:52master level practice of gratitude.
35:55Because you are digging deep
35:58and identifying
36:00the intention and the why it matters to
36:04continue to show up in your life even
36:07when you have to do things that are
36:08really hard.
36:10It is a fantasy
36:12to think that you can only
36:15you can orchestrate your life so that
36:17everything that you do is just stuff
36:18that you love.
36:21>> Can you excel at
36:22>> Look at you laughing.
36:23>> No, I like it. I really like this. I'm
36:25I'm
36:25>> What do you like about this?
36:28>> This being super real.
36:30>> Yes.
36:30>> Being super real. I used to believe that
36:32get to a certain point
36:34where you are making let's say
36:363,000 5,000 a month
36:38>> Okay.
36:38>> and then you start thinking about
36:40passion and love and all the things that
36:41you like, but first do do everything
36:44what necessary to just pay the bills
36:45till the time you reach that.
36:47>> Right. Well, let's get real. Because a
36:48lot of people don't acknowledge the
36:50truth, which is if you are under
36:55a tremendous amount of financial
36:56pressure,
36:59that chronic stress of not being able to
37:02pay your bills
37:05is a acute pain that you feel.
37:08>> Yeah.
37:08>> And
37:09I just want to acknowledge and say the
37:12truth, which is
37:14until you can take care of your basic
37:16needs, you have food to eat, you have
37:19shelter,
37:20you are able to provide for yourself.
37:23I'm not even talking about savings.
37:26There is a level of stress that you're
37:28going to feel because you're under
37:31threat right now.
37:32>> Yeah.
37:33>> And when you can get to a point where
37:35you can make the ends meet,
37:39now I think it's important to really
37:42look at, okay, if I'm in a chapter of my
37:45life where I'm really struggling,
37:47what are a couple things I can insert
37:49right now that serve almost like a
37:51flotation device, a raft that can help
37:55keep me above water? And two of those
37:57things, believe it or not, one is
37:58gratitude and one is joy.
38:01I recently had a uh Dr. Kelly McGonigal,
38:04I think is how she says her last name.
38:05She's a psychologist from Stanford, and
38:08this really struck me.
38:10The Do you know the purpose for joy? We
38:13are wired for joy.
38:14>> Hm.
38:15>> We are wired to experience. There are
38:18things in our muscles called hope
38:20molecules
38:21that when you move your body in a
38:23physical way, just climbing a flight of
38:25stairs, going for a walk, your muscles
38:28excrete hope molecules.
38:31And
38:32joy
38:34are small experiences every day
38:37that make you want to live.
38:40>> Right.
38:40>> That's the purpose of joy.
38:42And so I want to tell you if you're
38:44watching right now and you're in
38:46terrible chapter of your life and you're
38:48really struggling right now,
38:50one thing you can do immediately is I
38:53want you to start to look for small
38:55moments of joy right where you are.
38:57Could be, you know, a puppy on the
39:00street and they've got a cute little
39:01nose and just stopping
39:03and and petting the puppy. It could be a
39:05beautiful flower that you stop and look
39:07at. It could be a baby and they're
39:09looking at you.
39:12Moments of joy, music that you love,
39:14a beautiful sunset. Even if you hate
39:16where you live and you look out the
39:17window and you're like, wow.
39:19It connects you to something deeper
39:23because there is something bigger for
39:25you to tap into beyond the day-to-day
39:28that you may be struggling in. And so
39:31noticing
39:33some of the good things that are going
39:35on, super important. Second thing that
39:36you can do even when you're struggling
39:40is I want you to start, as cheesy as
39:41this sounds, I want you to start a small
39:45practice of gratitude. Now, what does
39:47that mean? It means you're going to
39:48train your brain
39:50to intentionally spot
39:54aspects of your life that are going well
39:57that you're grateful for.
39:58>> How do you do that?
39:59>> You can do that very simply by um at the
40:02end of the day
40:04I want you to just scan your day and
40:06think about, okay, what went well today?
40:09What am I grateful for?
40:11It you might say I'm grateful that I'm
40:13alive and I live today.
40:15I'm grateful that I have a job that I
40:17hate because I can pay this bill and now
40:19I can watch a show that I love. I'm
40:21grateful that my parents are alive.
40:23I am grateful that my brother lives near
40:25me.
40:26I'm grateful that I, you know, am able
40:28to have this glass of water. Like you
40:31and I drinking water
40:33we're we're we're better off than
40:35millions and millions of people around
40:36the world.
40:37And so starting to notice what you have
40:42especially in chapters in your life
40:44where it feels like
40:46you're never going to have anything.
40:48If you're able to watch and listen to
40:50this show, you have something to be
40:52grateful for.
40:53>> True.
40:53>> And you have to start there because
40:56by building the ability to see what's
40:58going well,
40:59by noticing small points of joy every
41:02day, you are
41:04giving yourself a life raft during
41:07challenging periods and you're building
41:09a muscle in your brain
41:11that will help you appreciate and notice
41:14the good as you start to climb out of
41:16the hole that you're in.
41:17Because if all you do is see what's
41:18going wrong, you're never going to be
41:20motivated or you're never going to feel
41:23you're going to feel discouragement.
41:24Like I I I think that discouragement,
41:28this sense that there's nothing that I
41:29can do
41:31is the single biggest thing that's
41:32standing in most people's way right now.
41:35The sense that it doesn't matter if I
41:37try. It doesn't matter
41:39if I change. It doesn't matter
41:42that the problem seems so big or I've
41:45screwed up so much or I'm old or I'm too
41:48young. If you get into that downward
41:51cycle
41:52of telling yourself
41:55that it doesn't matter, the sense of
41:58discouragement,
41:59that's
42:01a really hard thing to come out of
42:03unless you start to create a positive
42:06upward spiral
42:08by intentionally noticing
42:10the things that you still have to be
42:12grateful for.
42:14By stopping during the day and noticing
42:17the small things. It's sort of like if
42:19you've ever been to a funeral,
42:22you can go to a a funeral or memorial
42:24service for somebody
42:26and you can be crying one minute
42:29and then somebody's talking about the
42:31person that died and you're
42:32laughing and tears are coming out.
42:35And I love that example because life
42:38isn't supposed to be perfect.
42:40Life is heartbreak
42:43and it's also love affairs. Life is
42:46birth and death. Life is things that you
42:49achieve and things that you fail at.
42:52And
42:53you can be going through a very
42:55challenging period of your life and
42:57still see that your life is beautiful.
43:01>> True.
43:02You you said two things. First was
43:06Do you did you say if I'm paraphrasing
43:08it
43:10physical or the mental effort
43:12>> Mhm.
43:12>> leads to joy.
43:14>> No. What happens
43:16Oh oh the hope molecules. This is Dr.
43:18Kelly McGonigal at Stanford.
43:21There is research around physically
43:24moving your body and it could be climb a
43:25flight of stairs. You could have a job
43:27you hate where you're loading boxes and
43:30the loading of boxes if you know that
43:34the physical movement is giving your
43:36body energy in a positive way
43:40it gives a it gives a positive reason
43:43for why even that job you don't like has
43:46a really important purpose in your life.
43:49>> So how can somebody change the story in
43:51their head
43:52>> Yep.
43:52>> while doing something that they hate and
43:54still be happy?
43:56>> Okay. Well happiness is not the goal, is
43:58it?
43:58>> Feel a little bit of joy.
44:00>> Okay. Joy, contentment.
44:02So
44:03here's what I'm going to tell you.
44:05If the way that you're doing your life
44:07is working for you, don't do anything
44:10different.
44:11If you want to feel a little bit better
44:13in your life
44:14>> Mhm.
44:15>> without
44:17being able to change anything right now
44:21the one thing you can always change is
44:23this.
44:24>> Yeah.
44:24>> And so the first step is you're going to
44:26start waking up every single day
44:29and this is a trick I learned from Dr.
44:30Daniel Amen, the very famous, you know,
44:34medical doctor that is a world-renowned
44:36brain expert.
44:37You start every day by setting an
44:40intention.
44:41And the intention that he recommends and
44:44that I use every day is you just wake up
44:47and say today is going to be a good day
44:50because I'm going to make something good
44:52happen
44:53and I'm going to have a good attitude
44:55And I'm going to see the good in other
44:56people.
44:58And what you're doing by saying that is
45:01you are giving your mind a job.
45:04You're setting an intention.
45:07The second thing that I do
45:09is I always always start my day thinking
45:14about the one thing that matters to me
45:17to make progress on.
45:18Because I think every day it's important
45:20to wake up and have something you need
45:23to do,
45:24someone that you love, something to look
45:27forward to,
45:28and something that is meaningful for you
45:31to put a little bit of time in.
45:33You do those things every day, you have
45:35a really good life.
45:37And so think about what's the one thing
45:39and it could be anything. It could be
45:41personal. Like maybe you want to maybe
45:43somebody's birthday is coming up and you
45:45want to take a moment and write an email
45:47to the person that you care about whose
45:48birthday's coming up. And that's the one
45:50thing you want to make sure you get done
45:51today because it's going to make you
45:52feel good about you. Perfect. Maybe
45:55there's something at work that you've
45:56been avoiding and it would be really
45:58great if you spend a little time working
46:00on that report because you're starting
46:02to get nervous that your boss is going
46:03to chew you out.
46:05So if that's the thing, great. It
46:07doesn't matter what it is.
46:09You making progress on something you've
46:11said is important to you leverages what
46:13they've researched at Harvard called the
46:15progress principle.
46:16And they found that people that feel a
46:18sense of purpose and meaning during the
46:20week, particularly at work, feel that
46:23way because they've made progress on
46:24something that was important to them.
46:27That's how you can put that in your life
46:28right now regardless of the
46:30circumstances of your life.
46:32The third thing I want you to do is
46:37it's critical to understand
46:40that moving yourself and your body
46:43physically
46:45impacts you mentally,
46:47it impacts you spiritually,
46:50and it impacts you emotionally.
46:52If you want to have a positive shift in
46:55how you feel mentally,
46:58move your body physically.
47:00If you want to have a deeper connection
47:03spiritually
47:04to your own power,
47:07move your body physically.
47:09If you want to feel more in control of
47:12your emotions and shift your emotional
47:14state,
47:15move your body physically. You can use
47:18your physical body
47:20to cause
47:22a mental, spiritual, and emotional
47:24transformation. It's the fastest way to
47:26do it. And so if you can get in a
47:2710-minute walk, do it. If you can lift
47:30weights, do it.
47:32If you can climb stairs at your office
47:34building, do it.
47:36Because moving yourself physically
47:38changes you mentally, spiritually, and
47:41emotionally.
47:42And then the final thing that I would
47:44say, or I'll do two more, is
47:50your energy
47:52is incredibly important.
47:54I think your energy is your one of your
47:57most valuable currencies.
47:58>> Explain more energy. What what is in it?
48:00What do you mean by energy?
48:02>> What I mean by energy is
48:05you have a life force
48:08in you.
48:09And you can use it for good.
48:12You can use it for evil.
48:14There is
48:17power
48:18in how you show up.
48:21And I always say leaders bring the
48:23weather.
48:25And every human being is a leader
48:27because a leader is just somebody whose
48:28behavior influences somebody else.
48:31And your energy
48:34influences other people.
48:38I want you to consider whether or not
48:41you move through life as a thunderstorm
48:44or a tornado
48:46or a cloudy, gloomy day
48:49or you are a more of an optimistic, blue
48:52sky, warm, sunny kind of person.
48:57Your energy has power. And let's talk
49:00about a couple reasons why.
49:02Number one, the law of reciprocity. The
49:04law of reciprocity is one of the most
49:06underutilized
49:08like
49:09researched facts about human
49:11relationships
49:12that everybody needs to know about. The
49:14law of reciprocity is the tendency
49:17for other people to want to return the
49:20favor when you do something nice for
49:21them.
49:23It's hardwired in us.
49:24>> Yeah.
49:25>> You know, if somebody holds open a door
49:26for you and there's another set of
49:27doors, what do you do?
49:29>> You go
49:31you go in front, you take over and then
49:32you try to open it for them.
49:34>> I think one of the reasons why a lot of
49:35people are like, no, no, no, no, I don't
49:37need help with that is because you feel
49:38like I'm going to have to do something
49:40for you and I can handle it and I don't
49:41want to burden you, right?
49:43>> Yeah.
49:43>> That's the law of reciprocity.
49:44>> Yep.
49:45>> Your energy is like that.
49:47If you're a warm, sunny, optimistic
49:50person and you bring that in your
49:52relationship to people at work or your
49:54family,
49:56they feel it.
49:58They feel it. They might not give it
50:00back immediately,
50:02but
50:03the second reason why your energy is so
50:05important is the law of karma.
50:07The energy you put out is the energy you
50:08receive. Period. Full stop.
50:10>> Agreed.
50:11>> It doesn't necessarily come back to you
50:13today,
50:14but if you are intentional about the
50:17energy that you put out, you are sending
50:20ripples into the world
50:22that build and build and build and come
50:24back to you in waves and waves and waves
50:26when you least expect it.
50:27>> Yeah.
50:28>> And so understanding that you can
50:31through your warmth,
50:33through your
50:35the way you move about the world, you
50:37can have a positive impact on other
50:39people. And if you're going through a
50:41challenging time, the single best way to
50:43lift yourself up other than these things
50:45is help somebody else.
50:47Because when you compliment somebody
50:48else, when you volunteer, when you hold
50:51the door open for somebody, when you,
50:54you know, slow down and listen and, you
50:56know, tell somebody why they're
50:57important to you, by helping somebody
51:00else, number one, you step out of your
51:02own life for a minute.
51:03>> Yep.
51:04>> And helping somebody else shows you that
51:06you have value.
51:08And the positive energy that you get
51:10back
51:12lifts you up a little bit and reminds
51:14you that you matter.
51:15And I could go on and on and on about
51:17this. So then we're getting through our
51:19day.
51:20At the end of the day, here's what I
51:21want you to do. I want you to look back
51:24at your day and I want you to think of
51:26three things that went well or that
51:28you're grateful for.
51:30And now we're closing the loop and
51:33you're starting to train your mind to
51:36look for the things that are going well,
51:38look for the things that bring you joy,
51:41look for the things that you're grateful
51:43for, and you're starting to create space
51:46in your life.
51:49Even in a chapter that sucks,
51:51that's good.
51:53It's training you to learn how to
51:55appreciate what you have even while
51:58you're working to have more.
52:01>> Mhm.
52:02>> It's making you
52:05an ally and it's helping you motivate
52:09and encourage yourself through the day
52:12rather than what you're doing right now,
52:13which is beating yourself up and
52:15pointing out everything that's going
52:17wrong and telling yourself why it's
52:18never going to happen. Is that
52:19motivating? No.
52:21It makes you feel discouraged.
52:23>> Yeah.
52:25Can
52:27when somebody does all of these things,
52:28right? And yet they go to the job which
52:30they hate, but it's necessary to go
52:32there, right?
52:33>> Yes.
52:33>> Can you become extraordinary
52:37at the thing which you hate?
52:38>> Yes, if you intend to.
52:42>> But can you excel at the things that you
52:43don't like? How?
52:44>> Well,
52:45there's a lot of research around this.
52:49So if you look at Angela Duckworth's
52:52uh research on grit
52:54>> Mhm.
52:54>> and willpower, right?
52:56There's a huge misunderstanding
52:58about what
53:00really makes somebody have a a of
53:02discipline to push through.
53:05And her research shows that,
53:08one of the things that creates
53:10discipline and consistency and grit in
53:12people is that they like the thing
53:14they're doing.
53:16And
53:17if you
53:19I don't think you have to if you want to
53:21be if you want to leverage the power of
53:24grit and all of her research, I think
53:26it's helpful to understand that of
53:28course some of the greats,
53:30you know, are fantastic at the guitar,
53:32fantastic at basketball, or fantastic at
53:34football, or fantastic at business
53:36because they like doing it.
53:38Your question is though, can you become
53:40excellent at something you don't like?
53:42If you push yourself enough, sure.
53:46But I think there will always be a part
53:47of you
53:48that is feeling the chafe and the
53:50resistance because you're spending time
53:52on something you don't actually care
53:54about.
53:55>> Mhm.
53:56>> And that's a sad way to live your life
53:58unless the reason why you're doing it is
54:00it serves a deeper person and allow
54:03unless the reason why you're doing it is
54:05it serves a deeper purpose,
54:08like going to a job you don't like
54:10because your most important mission is
54:12to provide for your family
54:14and you love your family
54:16and being able to put your kids through
54:18university makes you so proud of
54:21yourself
54:22that that's the source of the motivation
54:25that has you excelling at a job that you
54:27don't particularly like.
54:30>> You were
54:31you were under debt, right? You were
54:33>> Yes. Yes.
54:35Uh-huh.
54:35>> You were not things were not going well
54:37for you. You were jobless.
54:38>> Not going well. I appreciate how how
54:41kind you are in that. Okay, things are
54:42not going well. Yes.
54:45>> You were
54:45>> I was 41 years old, three kids under the
54:47age of 10 and nearly a million dollars
54:50in debt and I lost my job and my
54:52husband's restaurant
54:54was going under.
54:56>> Then
54:57how did you find out that you want to do
54:59this?
55:00>> Well, for the first year when all this
55:02started happening, I felt really sorry
55:03for myself and I drank myself into the
55:05ground and I blamed everything on my
55:06husband and the world and you know it
55:08was everybody else but me.
55:11And that only gets you so far.
55:13>> Yeah.
55:13>> And like you I would lay in bed for 2
55:16hours
55:18and I kept hitting the snooze button and
55:21you think that when life gets
55:22challenging you're going to be the hero
55:24of your story and what ends up happening
55:26is you tend to be the villain.
55:28And I became a person that I didn't
55:30recognize. I was discouraged. I was
55:33drinking too much.
55:34I couldn't get out of bed.
55:37Uh some days I avoided doing everything
55:40I knew I needed to do.
55:42And
55:43thinking and knowing what you need to do
55:46is not enough to make yourself do it.
55:47>> Fair.
55:48>> So it was at this moment 17 years ago
55:51actually it was a Tuesday in February
55:54that I decided
55:57that instead of laying in bed thinking
55:58about my problems and hating my life and
56:00my husband and avoiding everything I
56:02needed to do
56:04that I would
56:055 4 3 2 1
56:07start acting like the person I needed
56:10instead of acting like the woman I felt
56:12like.
56:14I needed somebody
56:15who would get out of bed. I needed
56:17somebody who would look for a job. I
56:18needed somebody who would ask for help.
56:20I needed somebody who would stop
56:22drinking. I needed somebody who would be
56:23kinder to her husband. I needed somebody
56:26who would
56:27get control of her emotions and not be
56:29snapping at her kids.
56:32And counting backwards 5 4 3 2 1
56:35helped me push through those moments
56:37where I would freeze. Like I needed a
56:39job.
56:41And I would look at the phone
56:44and one of the fastest ways to start
56:46networking is to call your friends.
56:48>> Yeah.
56:48>> But I would look at the phone and be
56:49like uh what am I going to say and uh uh
56:51and turn to walk 5 4 3 2 1 okay Raj I
56:53got a problem. I haven't told you this
56:55but I lost my job. We're a million
56:57dollars. I know you didn't know that
56:58there was a lien. Yes there was a lien
56:59on the house and you just
57:02one action at a time.
57:05And for the first
57:07I'd say 6 years
57:11I wasn' thinking about anything other
57:12than I've got a major problem.
57:14I have bills I need to pay. I do not
57:17have a job. My husband's business is
57:18failing. He is depressed and bottoming
57:21out.
57:21And nobody's going to fix this.
57:25No one's coming.
57:27If I want my life to change, it's up to
57:29me.
57:30And if I change nothing, nothing
57:32changes.
57:33And by the way, nobody is stopping me
57:35from changing either.
57:36>> Hm.
57:37>> I'm the one
57:39that needs to change. I need to stop
57:41looking around waiting for somebody else
57:43to do it. I need to stop wasting time
57:45and energy complaining about everything
57:48and wishing somebody else would do it.
57:50And I need to get to work.
57:52And I need to do it.
57:54And one of the interesting things about
57:56life, Raj, is that
57:58because your brain will always default
58:01to what's easier,
58:05oftentimes
58:07you will get to a point where
58:12the pain has to get so bad
58:15that it's harder to stay in bed than it
58:18is to get out of it.
58:19It's harder to be unemployed than it is
58:21to look for a job. It's harder to drink
58:24than it is to get sober.
58:27That's when things change. And you know,
58:29when people in my life are struggling, I
58:30always ask them this question. Do you
58:32want it to get worse before it's going
58:33to get better?
58:35Because it will get a lot worse or you
58:37can choose to make it better now.
58:40And that's the truth because you're
58:42never going to feel ready to change.
58:45You're always going to be scared,
58:46afraid, and resistant. That is the
58:48truth.
58:48>> Yeah.
58:49>> And if you can accept, oh, okay, this is
58:50what Mel and Raj are talking about, I'm
58:52going to do it anyway
58:53because I've got up 5 4 3 2 1 and start
58:55acting like the person I want to become.
58:58Your life is not out there in the
59:00future.
59:02The things that you want in the future
59:03begin with how you start acting today on
59:05a Tuesday.
59:07>> True.
59:09>> And you know why that's true?
59:11Uh it's not because I read it online
59:13And it's not because AI told me it.
59:16It's true because the lessons that I
59:18share, Raj, are the things that I had to
59:21learn the hard way.
59:23That's why I believe what I'm saying,
59:25because I've lived it.
59:26And when you see the woman that you see
59:29today with the business that I've built
59:32and the work ethic that I have and the
59:35success that I have,
59:37this was hard earned over the last 17
59:41years and it was first earned by clawing
59:44my way
59:45out of the hole that we had dug
59:47ourselves in. And people are like, well,
59:49how do you get 800 how do you get out of
59:50debt when you're that in debt? It takes
59:52a decade.
59:53It takes a decade. You're going to have
59:55to work three or four jobs.
59:56And then you're going to have to get
59:57disciplined about where you put your
59:59money. And where I put my money is I put
1:00:01it to paying the bills. I put it to
1:00:03getting the liens off the house. And
1:00:05then once we were able to get the liens
1:00:07off the house, then it's like pay off
1:00:09the credit cards. And then when you pay
1:00:10off and you're not taking the kids on a
1:00:12trip, you're not buying nice things, you
1:00:14are just making the ends meet because
1:00:16you have you know what you want and I
1:00:18wanted safety.
1:00:20I wanted to stop waking up in a panic
1:00:22attack because of the bills piling up.
1:00:24I wanted to feel proud of myself. I
1:00:26wanted to
1:00:28feel secure
1:00:30that I could pay my bills. I wasn't
1:00:33looking to do anything
1:00:36except for achieve the goal of getting
1:00:39out of this financial hole.
1:00:41And
1:00:43once I started to have a little bit of
1:00:44extra money, I never wanted to have that
1:00:47happen again. So
1:00:4850% of everything that came in the door
1:00:51I put into savings
1:00:53because I wasn't going to allow it to
1:00:54happen again.
1:00:55And it is not glamorous to change your
1:00:57life. It is not fun.
1:01:00It can be grueling and boring and
1:01:02lonely, but holy cow,
1:01:04you will be startled at what you can
1:01:07accomplish in 10 years if you define
1:01:10what you want and you know why you want
1:01:11it
1:01:12and you just wake up every day and
1:01:14despite how you feel,
1:01:16you force yourself one move at a time.
1:01:21>> Do you still say 50% and you said you're
1:01:23making
1:01:32>> Yeah. when you have an experience in
1:01:34life where you live through a
1:01:36challenging chapter and you almost lose
1:01:38the things that matter,
1:01:39your marriage,
1:01:41your family,
1:01:43your financial stability, your home,
1:01:46your sense of self,
1:01:49you don't forget the things that
1:01:51actually matter.
1:01:52And so I am grateful that all of this
1:01:55success came after that
1:01:58because there is no amount of success
1:02:00that would change fundamentally who I am
1:02:02and what matters to me.
1:02:04>> Mm.
1:02:04>> And once I achieved financial safety,
1:02:09saving money was a very important thing
1:02:12to me. And
1:02:14you know, I live in a house that I love.
1:02:16I am able to go on trips when I want to.
1:02:20I
1:02:23have paid off my bills.
1:02:25I have savings. What more do you need?
1:02:27Like what what more do you need? What is
1:02:29all this stuff for?
1:02:30I mean, you're not going to put it in
1:02:31the casket with you.
1:02:33What what what is all the things that
1:02:35you are trying to accumulate? What is
1:02:37what is that for? And there's there's
1:02:38reasons to have beautiful things, but I
1:02:40don't need those things to prove to
1:02:41anybody anything.
1:02:43And I don't value them.
1:02:46You know, I will when I am also saving
1:02:49money cuz I like giving a lot of it away
1:02:51and I like doing good with it and I like
1:02:53investing in other people and giving
1:02:55other people a shot.
1:02:57And so I
1:03:00I think it comes back to again,
1:03:02something that I learned from Oprah, the
1:03:03power of your intention, which she
1:03:05learned from Gary Zukav. The Seat of the
1:03:07Soul is the book that changed her life.
1:03:10And there is cause and effect and your
1:03:12actions
1:03:13are the cause that will affect the
1:03:15outcome of your life. But before the I
1:03:17want you to set an intention.
1:03:21What is it that you're doing, and why
1:03:22are you doing it? What is it that you
1:03:24want in your life? And I am very clear
1:03:26that my purpose on this planet is to
1:03:30be an encourager.
1:03:33That people need encouragement. People
1:03:34need friendship. People need somebody
1:03:37that's rooting for them.
1:03:38People need to be able to borrow your
1:03:41belief in them in those moments when
1:03:44they feel down. And
1:03:46I misunderstood purpose for a long time.
1:03:48Purpose is not something you do.
1:03:51Purpose is what happens in other people
1:03:53when you do the things that you do.
1:03:55>> Explain nice.
1:03:57>> Yeah.
1:03:58>> Explain and say that again and explain.
1:04:00Say that say that again and explain.
1:04:02Yeah, like purpose is not something that
1:04:04you do.
1:04:04>> Yes.
1:04:05>> Purpose is what
1:04:06>> Happens.
1:04:07>> what happens to other people.
1:04:08>> When you do the thing that you do.
1:04:11Your entire every day you can live with
1:04:14purpose.
1:04:16If you know
1:04:18what you want to have happen in other
1:04:20people
1:04:21when you walk into a coffee shop
1:04:25when you walk into work. Like
1:04:26everybody's looking to build an online
1:04:28platform. You already have a platform.
1:04:30It's everywhere you go.
1:04:32Because through
1:04:35your energy and your attitude and your
1:04:37mindset and your generosity
1:04:40you are causing a shift in other people
1:04:42around you.
1:04:43That is your purpose. You know, it's
1:04:45interesting when when when you die
1:04:48people when they speak at other people's
1:04:51services
1:04:53when they memorialize them, they tend
1:04:54not to talk about, oh, they were the
1:04:56great thing and they people are not
1:04:57going to be like Mel Robbins was a
1:04:59They'll be like she was a really good
1:05:00friend.
1:05:01She was a great mom.
1:05:03She was a really good boss. You know,
1:05:05she did she had a good run.
1:05:09And she
1:05:10was the kind of person that left people
1:05:12feeling better.
1:05:15People talk about how you make them
1:05:17feel.
1:05:19And if you make people feel good about
1:05:21themselves, you
1:05:23what they say about you and you are not
1:05:24around would
1:05:26make you blush. You would be so proud.
1:05:29It's simple.
1:05:30Like we live in a world that's so
1:05:32complicated
1:05:34that truly the secret to relationships,
1:05:36the secret to a good life is right in
1:05:38front of your face.
1:05:39It's how you wake up and move through
1:05:41your day and how
1:05:43that impacts other people around you.
1:05:47>> Tell me how did you learn to
1:05:49because you're talking about how did you
1:05:51turn around your life. How did you learn
1:05:52to speak and write?
1:05:54>> Speak and write?
1:05:55>> Yeah.
1:05:55>> Well, um
1:05:56>> How did you become this articulate?
1:05:58>> Well, I think I'm I I've come to realize
1:06:00I I I know that I'm an extremely smart
1:06:02person.
1:06:03I also very intellectually curious.
1:06:05>> Mhm.
1:06:06>> And everybody's brains can grow and
1:06:08learn.
1:06:09And you've got to think about input.
1:06:11Like what are you putting into your
1:06:12brain?
1:06:13You cannot become a good writer if you
1:06:15don't read.
1:06:16>> Mhm.
1:06:16>> You cannot
1:06:18be a great speaker if you don't also
1:06:20listen.
1:06:22And
1:06:23to me, the basis of my intelligence is
1:06:26not just natural intelligence. It's the
1:06:28fact that I am so curious about other
1:06:31people. I'm interested in other people.
1:06:33I think you can learn
1:06:35probably the greatest lessons in life
1:06:37from absolutely anybody if you're
1:06:39interested in learning from other
1:06:41people's stories.
1:06:42And
1:06:44I have become one like as articulate as
1:06:48I am because I have honed the skill of
1:06:53it.
1:06:55>> Give me a framework. If somebody wants
1:06:56to practice the way you speak
1:06:58>> Oh, well, how do I speak? How would you
1:06:59say I speak?
1:07:02>> Really powerful, very articulate, and
1:07:05you attach everything with the emotion
1:07:07and story.
1:07:07>> Mhm.
1:07:08>> So that's a very good framework.
1:07:09>> Okay, so I'll give you some rules. I
1:07:11don't necessarily have a framework, but
1:07:12I will give you some basic rules.
1:07:14Um
1:07:15so people do not remember facts. They
1:07:17remember stories.
1:07:19>> Okay.
1:07:20>> So
1:07:21that's a very important thing to
1:07:23understand.
1:07:24And if you were thinking about how you
1:07:28wanted to give a speech or how you
1:07:29wanted to better present at work or how
1:07:31you wanted to be more engaging,
1:07:34first of all, again, I'm going to come
1:07:35back to the power of intention.
1:07:36>> Hm.
1:07:37>> What is your intention?
1:07:41Before you walk into a meeting at work,
1:07:44I want you to ask yourself this
1:07:45question.
1:07:46If I had to pick two words
1:07:49that I wanted people to say about me
1:07:50when I walked out of that room, what
1:07:52would they be?
1:07:55And that tells you exactly how to show
1:07:56up.
1:07:57>> Hm.
1:07:59And those two words are usually the
1:08:01learnings or the feelings?
1:08:03>> It could be anything.
1:08:05Because these are the things that people
1:08:06will say
1:08:08when you leave the room about what
1:08:10happened when you were in the room
1:08:12because you were there.
1:08:13It could be
1:08:14damn, Raj is a great listener or Raj is
1:08:18prepared or wow, Raj
1:08:21he had such strategic ideas
1:08:23or Raj is hilarious.
1:08:26Do you see how that guides then
1:08:28the way you're going to show up?
1:08:30Second thing.
1:08:31People only remember one thing.
1:08:35I don't care if you're on stage for an
1:08:37hour. I don't care if you are listening
1:08:39to a podcast that's 5 hours long.
1:08:42They will take away one thing.
1:08:45What is the singular message
1:08:48that you want somebody to repeat?
1:08:50Not remember, repeat. Those are two very
1:08:53different things.
1:08:55Because remembering is a good idea.
1:08:57Repeating it is a sticky fabulous idea
1:08:59that they just have to share.
1:09:01>> Hm.
1:09:01>> So engineer in your mind if you're
1:09:03giving a presentation or you are like
1:09:06speaking, what is the one thing
1:09:09the person is going to
1:09:12share with somebody else?
1:09:14And you got to make it simple.
1:09:17You got to make it sticky.
1:09:19And you've got to make it memorable.
1:09:22Now, how do you do that?
1:09:24Once you have the one thing that you to
1:09:26communicate, that you want somebody, oh
1:09:28my god, I just heard about this thing
1:09:29that Raj was talking about, the let them
1:09:30theory.
1:09:31The five five four three two one. I
1:09:33don't even care if my name is associated
1:09:35with it because I'm focused on them
1:09:37remembering it and wanting to share it
1:09:40and it's sticky and it's useful and it's
1:09:41memorable. And you can explain it at a
1:09:44kitchen table to a five year old and
1:09:46they're going to get it.
1:09:47It's easy to overcomplicate things. The
1:09:49genius is simplicity.
1:09:51Now,
1:09:52how do you do that?
1:09:54You play it like a chorus in a song.
1:09:57You don't say it once. You have to say
1:09:59it a dozen times.
1:10:01Every story reinforces it.
1:10:04Every point you're making reinforces it.
1:10:08You keep coming back to it
1:10:10so that by the end of it, nobody can
1:10:13debate the usefulness or the humor or
1:10:16the truth of what you were saying
1:10:18because you just proved it through every
1:10:20story. You proved it through humor. You
1:10:22proved it through this. Oh my god, and
1:10:23now we come back to this thing. It's
1:10:24true. You have five seconds between
1:10:26thinking and acting. And if you don't
1:10:27freaking move off that couch in five
1:10:29seconds, you dummy, you're going to
1:10:30watch TV for an hour because that's what
1:10:32I did last night.
1:10:34And even though I know all this, there
1:10:36are mornings I lay in bed and then I'm
1:10:37like, you dummy Mel, you just wasted two
1:10:39hours looking at social media.
1:10:41Ugh. Don't do that to So
1:10:44now, here's another point.
1:10:46Um story, story, story.
1:10:49Story, story, story. And when you tell a
1:10:52story,
1:10:53don't be lazy.
1:10:55Put the person at the scene.
1:10:59I used to be a trial lawyer. I was a
1:11:00public defender.
1:11:02When you're in a courtroom
1:11:04and you are
1:11:06representing somebody,
1:11:08the jury
1:11:10needs to be able to imagine
1:11:13the scene.
1:11:14You need to be able to describe what
1:11:17things smell like. They need to be able
1:11:18to close their eyes
1:11:21and feel it.
1:11:23And you only do that in stories with
1:11:25detail.
1:11:28Detail.
1:11:29Be
1:11:30with that.
1:11:32And then finally, it comes back to
1:11:34energy because if you're tense and stiff
1:11:37and trying to be perfect,
1:11:40the audience will not actually engage
1:11:42with you.
1:11:43>> True.
1:11:43>> If you are having fun,
1:11:47if you believe in what you're saying,
1:11:49and if you allow yourself to just kind
1:11:52of have a little bit of personality,
1:11:55the audience leans in.
1:11:57And then my final, and this is the
1:11:59really big one,
1:12:00you're never actually talking to an
1:12:02audience.
1:12:03You're speaking to one person.
1:12:05Before any speech, before I even
1:12:09do a podcast,
1:12:12I have a little ritual where I remind
1:12:14myself
1:12:16that there's only one person in the
1:12:18audience
1:12:19that I'm speaking to.
1:12:20>> I love it.
1:12:21>> And I am showing up today because there
1:12:24is one person's life and that is true
1:12:25about what's happening right now as
1:12:27you're watching or listening and you're
1:12:29that person.
1:12:31One person that was meant to be here and
1:12:32that's the only person I'm speaking to.
1:12:35You will never hear me say everyone.
1:12:37You'll never hear like I am only talking
1:12:40to you.
1:12:42And the greats
1:12:44understand that everything is one to one
1:12:47because there is no everyone.
1:12:49Businesses are people.
1:12:51And when a person feels directly
1:12:54impacted
1:12:56by you, when a person feels that you're
1:12:58speaking directly to them, which I am,
1:13:02because there's only one person. People
1:13:03do not watch podcasts in groups. They
1:13:05don't listen to them in groups typically
1:13:06unless you've trapped your family in a
1:13:08car because you want to try to change
1:13:09them and you've put this on hoping that
1:13:11somehow Raj and I are going to work
1:13:13magic on them. I get it. I do the same
1:13:15thing.
1:13:16But a podcast in particular
1:13:19is something people do alone.
1:13:21>> Mm.
1:13:22>> And a speech, even though you may be
1:13:24with people,
1:13:25you're sitting and listening with your
1:13:27two ears.
1:13:28>> Yeah.
1:13:28>> And so to really be excellent, you've
1:13:31got to have a commitment and intention
1:13:33to just shift one person. And if you
1:13:35shift that one person, they will always
1:13:37remember what happened and they will
1:13:39walk out and when they talk to their
1:13:40spouse on the way home, they'll say, oh
1:13:42my gosh, I just heard Raj and he said
1:13:46and you shared something that shifted
1:13:47them and moved them.
1:13:49And that's how you know you've done your
1:13:51job.
1:13:52>> I love it. Love this one. This is good.
1:13:55>> Was the other stuff bad?
1:13:56>> No, this is like really good. This one
1:13:58>> what are you thinking?
1:13:59>> Because
1:14:02I'm thinking about every speaker who I
1:14:04have felt that they were speaking to me
1:14:06>> Mhm.
1:14:06>> because they were just speaking to me.
1:14:08>> Yeah, they were speaking to you.
1:14:08>> all the other ones were like
1:14:10everyone and this and they're always
1:14:12grand and it's
1:14:15the really good ones which I have felt
1:14:17are good, they're speaking to me.
1:14:18>> Now here's the thing I need to tell you.
1:14:20>> And they say you and they they don't say
1:14:22like you all and everyone that they
1:14:24don't even use those words the way you
1:14:26don't use it.
1:14:26>> No.
1:14:27>> And every time you're using words here
1:14:28you're you're putting my name. Like I
1:14:30I'm noticing this like so often you do
1:14:33this. It's incredible. Even you're
1:14:36talking to audience, you're not talking
1:14:37to audience. You're like you.
1:14:39>> Yes.
1:14:39>> And
1:14:40>> There's one Look, I know that the person
1:14:42who is here with us right now
1:14:45and I'm looking right at you.
1:14:47I know you're waking up
1:14:48somewhere around the world and you're
1:14:50exhausted.
1:14:51You're exhausted by the headlines.
1:14:52You're exhausted by the pace of life and
1:14:55the change that's happening. You're
1:14:56worried about your family.
1:14:58You want more for yourself. You want
1:15:00more for your family.
1:15:02And I know you have no time.
1:15:04And yet you have made time and found
1:15:07time
1:15:08and you are spending it with me and with
1:15:10Raj and you're doing it because you want
1:15:13to improve your life. I think that is
1:15:15the coolest thing in the world
1:15:18and I honor it.
1:15:20And that's why I'm speaking to you
1:15:23because I'm grateful
1:15:25to be able to spend the time with you
1:15:26and I'm grateful that you are the kind
1:15:28of person like I am and that Raj is that
1:15:31wants the world to be a better place,
1:15:33that once your life to be better, that
1:15:34once to share positive, encouraging,
1:15:38incredible information.
1:15:41And I think that's incredible. And so of
1:15:43course I'm talking to you because I have
1:15:45the intention that you wake the hell up
1:15:47and you take control of the things you
1:15:49can control and you use the time that
1:15:51you have to feel better in your life
1:15:52because you deserve that.
1:15:54And there's so much about life that you
1:15:56can't control. You can't control other
1:15:57people. You can't control what's
1:15:58happening in the governments right now.
1:16:00You can't control the price of eggs or
1:16:02gasoline. You can't control whether or
1:16:04not your sister's going to get sober or
1:16:05your mom's going to be nicer or your dad
1:16:08is going to have to You can't control
1:16:09any of it.
1:16:11And you don't have to
1:16:13because the real power is in focusing on
1:16:15your response to all of it and
1:16:16protecting yourself from meaningless
1:16:18crap
1:16:19and other people's opinions
1:16:21and really focus on showing up in a way
1:16:23that makes you proud of yourself and
1:16:25generous with people and kind with your
1:16:27family and that makes your life better.
1:16:30>> Yeah.
1:16:31We were talking about
1:16:33speaking and speaking in a beautiful
1:16:35way. You just shared shared a good
1:16:36story.
1:16:37Taking one step forward because it's
1:16:39digital world and a lot of people look
1:16:41at you as somebody has built this great
1:16:44digital empire. You like you're an
1:16:45inspiration for them.
1:16:47Tell me top three mistakes which
1:16:51someone who's trying to build a personal
1:16:54brand media empire should not make.
1:16:57>> The top three mistakes of somebody who
1:16:58wants to wear once The top three
1:17:01mistakes that you make if you're trying
1:17:03to build a media brand or a personal
1:17:07brand online.
1:17:08>> Probably you must have made those
1:17:10mistakes or maybe you avoided them. Just
1:17:11>> one.
1:17:12You're spending way too much time on
1:17:14input and not enough on output.
1:17:16>> Explain more.
1:17:18>> Huge mistake
1:17:20to spend too much time
1:17:23consuming people's content
1:17:25versus creating your content.
1:17:30Huge mistake.
1:17:32Huge mistake.
1:17:35Mistake number two
1:17:37is giving up too soon.
1:17:42Um, you will
1:17:44have a long run. I mean, I started
1:17:46posting on social media in 2012 because
1:17:48of Gary Vaynerchuk.
1:17:50>> Same.
1:17:51>> And
1:17:54you have to understand you got to be
1:17:57willing to do it for 10 years.
1:18:00And giving up too soon is a huge
1:18:03mistake. I am convinced that the success
1:18:06that you receive is
1:18:09completely connected to how long you're
1:18:11willing to work for it.
1:18:14And it's not about other people noticing
1:18:16you. It's you continuing to show up
1:18:18until they can't ignore you.
1:18:20>> Mm.
1:18:22>> And the third thing is um
1:18:24another mistake is
1:18:27thinking there's a perfect
1:18:31thing you're supposed to do that makes
1:18:33something go viral.
1:18:36Don't do that.
1:18:38Triple down on
1:18:40you. There's only one you on the planet.
1:18:44Amplify your personality. Um
1:18:48be yourself
1:18:50because
1:18:52there are people around the world that
1:18:54need you. There are lots of people, you
1:18:57know,
1:18:58the the person watching may be somebody
1:19:00who's a huge fan of you, Raj,
1:19:02because they relate to you.
1:19:04And a 58-year-old married white woman
1:19:06from Vermont
1:19:08is not does not have the same life
1:19:10experience. So you explain things in a
1:19:13way, even though we speak about similar
1:19:15things, that resonates and just zing
1:19:18makes more sense for somebody.
1:19:20>> Mm.
1:19:20>> [clears throat]
1:19:20>> Imagine if you tried to be more like me.
1:19:24Be ridiculous, right?
1:19:26>> Yeah.
1:19:26>> And also
1:19:28you would be showing up and you're not
1:19:30authentic. You're trying to be somebody
1:19:32you're not because you think this is
1:19:33what people want because you've seen
1:19:34this, you know,
1:19:36work for Mel Robbins.
1:19:38But what the world actually needs is
1:19:40more Raj.
1:19:41>> Yeah.
1:19:42>> And the people that need you can't find
1:19:46you if you're pretending to be somebody
1:19:48else online.
1:19:48>> Agreed.
1:19:49>> The fourth thing that I'm going to tell
1:19:51you is a huge mistake is caring about
1:19:52what other people think.
1:19:55People will misunderstand you, people
1:19:57will lie about you, people will roll
1:19:58their eyes at you, people will not
1:20:00follow you, people will judge you, your
1:20:03family may not support you, and I say
1:20:04let them.
1:20:06Because your dreams and what's meant for
1:20:07you is for you. And that 's why other
1:20:10people don't understand it. They're not
1:20:11supposed to.
1:20:12>> Yeah.
1:20:12>> If the dreams that you have were meant
1:20:14for your family members or your friends,
1:20:16they'd be doing it.
1:20:17And it's a huge mistake that people make
1:20:20looking for support from people who
1:20:22don't understand what you're doing.
1:20:24You should stop looking to your family
1:20:27as your and your friends currently
1:20:30for the support in the changes you want
1:20:32to make. Unless they've made those
1:20:34changes, they don't understand the
1:20:35changes. So they can't support you in
1:20:38doing it.
1:20:39People who are doing
1:20:42what you want to be doing
1:20:44are the people to follow.
1:20:46And the best way to build community,
1:20:47this is a great tip from Gary Vaynerchuk
1:20:50that I got, cuz a lot of you are trying
1:20:52to do something that none of your
1:20:54friends do, your family doesn't do,
1:20:55nobody in your community does it, maybe
1:20:57the state you live in nobody does it,
1:20:58the region
1:21:00that you live in nobody does it. No
1:21:02problem.
1:21:03You are now part of a global community
1:21:05of people. Follow Raj, follow me, follow
1:21:07Gary, but here's the most important
1:21:08part.
1:21:10Interact with people in the comments.
1:21:13>> Mm.
1:21:13>> Because the people that are commenting
1:21:14on Raj's
1:21:16content and on my content and on Gary's
1:21:18content
1:21:20are also interested in what you're
1:21:21doing.
1:21:22>> Yeah.
1:21:22>> And so you can start to cheer for people
1:21:24in those comments and then you can start
1:21:26to be come friendly with each other and
1:21:28then you connect through the DMs and
1:21:30next thing you know you're both taking
1:21:31an online seminar that that like it it's
1:21:34shocking how this can build.
1:21:36But stop looking for support for people
1:21:38who don't understand what you are doing
1:21:40and wasting time responding to negative
1:21:43comments. Why on earth Steven Bartlett
1:21:45taught me this.
1:21:47He basically said, you know,
1:21:50part of an occupational hazard when you
1:21:52build a a personal brand or you want to
1:21:54make a positive difference
1:21:56is people are going to make up all kinds
1:21:57of negative stuff about you.
1:21:59That is part of the tradeoff with
1:22:03putting yourself out there.
1:22:04>> Yeah.
1:22:04>> Do not waste any time and energy
1:22:07defending or explaining yourself to
1:22:10people who are intent on
1:22:11misunderstanding or who are trying to
1:22:13draw attention to themselves or are just
1:22:16venting negative crap online
1:22:19because every time you spend time trying
1:22:22to convince people who don't like you to
1:22:24like you, you are wasting energy that
1:22:27the world needs.
1:22:29>> Yeah.
1:22:30>> There are people who so need your
1:22:32positivity and your story and your
1:22:34wisdom and your lessons and your humor
1:22:36and your comedy and your music and your
1:22:38art and the way you do real estate and
1:22:40your perspective on nursing. They need
1:22:43you.
1:22:44And the time you spend explaining to
1:22:45yourself to people who don't get you is
1:22:48wasted time because you need to spend
1:22:51that time focused on the people
1:22:54who need you.
1:22:55>> True.
1:22:56True.
1:22:57>> I think it might be Christian Bale
1:22:59who said if you have a problem with me,
1:23:01text me. And if you don't have my number
1:23:02to text me, you don't know me well
1:23:04enough to have a problem with me.
1:23:06>> Yeah. Yeah. That's Tom Holland's clip
1:23:08went viral about this. Yeah.
1:23:09>> I think it was Christian Bale who said
1:23:11it.
1:23:11>> I don't know who said it, but
1:23:13>> Somebody said it, but I'm repeating it.
1:23:15There you go. It's a good one.
1:23:15>> It's a good one. Tell me one give me one
1:23:18business and tactical mistake.
1:23:22>> A business or tactical mistake
1:23:25is not hiring somebody fast enough.
1:23:30>> In this world? In the media world?
1:23:33>> Every world.
1:23:33>> Hm.
1:23:34>> When you get to a point in business
1:23:36where you start feeling frustrated
1:23:40and you're now doing jobs in the
1:23:42business that aren't your skill set,
1:23:45stop and ask yourself this question, who
1:23:47can I give this to?
1:23:48And if the answer is no one, it's time
1:23:50for you to take the risk and hire
1:23:52somebody and who you need to hire is the
1:23:54person
1:23:55that you can pass the baton to
1:23:58because every time, think about it this
1:24:00way,
1:24:01there's in the beginning of a career or
1:24:05side hustle or anything that you're
1:24:06going to do every job and you should do
1:24:07everything everything.
1:24:09Like I have done every single job in my
1:24:10company.
1:24:12I cannot I I can
1:24:14if I had to, I could
1:24:16edit the audio, I could edit the video,
1:24:19I can create all the social media, I
1:24:20write the newsletter, like I can do it
1:24:22all because I've done it all. I take out
1:24:23the trash, I can pay the bills, I can
1:24:26clean the whiteboard, I can unplug the
1:24:28equipment, I can order new equipment, I
1:24:30can clean out the Dropbox, I like I have
1:24:32done everything.
1:24:34And
1:24:36it's very important in the beginning
1:24:37that you do everything so you understand
1:24:39your business, but then you'll start to
1:24:40realize holy cow, I can't do business
1:24:43development and I can't do the one thing
1:24:45I'm good at because I'm now doing all
1:24:47these other things because I haven't
1:24:48hired somebody.
1:24:50And it's very important and it's a huge
1:24:53mistake not to recognize these moments
1:24:56where you have outgrown the current way
1:24:58you do things.
1:25:00And the first thing to ask yourself is
1:25:01who can I give this to? And if you don't
1:25:03have somebody, hire somebody because
1:25:05by paying somebody else to do the things
1:25:08that are important but not your job,
1:25:10>> Mhm.
1:25:11>> you then give yourself back the most
1:25:12important thing that your business
1:25:13needs, which is time from you. This
1:25:15comes from Seth Godin. Seth Godin is the
1:25:17godfather of modern marketing.
1:25:20And I've read every book
1:25:22and I'm a huge student of his and an
1:25:24enormous admirer of his brain.
1:25:27And he says the single most important
1:25:30question to ask yourself
1:25:32when it comes to your business is who is
1:25:34this for and what is it
1:25:36the most important questions to ask
1:25:38yourself when it comes to business is
1:25:39who is this for? What is it for?
1:25:44Because most people don't understand who
1:25:46it's for and what it's for,
1:25:48which means you have absolutely no
1:25:49strategy that you can align against.
1:25:51You're basically throwing a bunch of
1:25:53crap against the wall and hoping it
1:25:55sticks.
1:25:58>> Who it's for, what it's for.
1:25:59>> Yeah, who is this who is this show for
1:26:01and what is it for? If you can answer
1:26:03that,
1:26:04you have a strategy and you also have an
1:26:06intention that you can align against.
1:26:08>> Yeah.
1:26:09That's that's a big one for me.
1:26:11Like I think my
1:26:14We've been very particular about these
1:26:17two things from day one and I think
1:26:19that's one of the reasons why
1:26:20we've been able to just grow month on
1:26:22month.
1:26:23>> Well, and it's also how you stay focused
1:26:26because we live in a world where
1:26:27everything's important, which means
1:26:28nothing is.
1:26:30And in the old world that was static,
1:26:35having the most amount of information
1:26:38made you successful.
1:26:39>> Mm.
1:26:41>> In today's world, which is always
1:26:43changing and dynamic, it everybody has
1:26:45the same amount of information.
1:26:47The actual skill
1:26:49is laser focus and simplicity.
1:26:52It's the ability to see through all the
1:26:54noise and see what's important. And if
1:26:55you don't have
1:26:57an intention that's driving you, if
1:26:59you're not clear about who it's for and
1:27:01what it's for, you will never ever
1:27:04ever know what's important and you will
1:27:07respond to everything, which means
1:27:09nothing's actually getting done.
1:27:11And
1:27:12knowing your intention allows you to say
1:27:15the most important word in life, no.
1:27:19And the reason why saying no is so hard
1:27:23isn't because of the word,
1:27:25it's your inability to tolerate
1:27:28people's reaction.
1:27:29>> Yeah.
1:27:31Yeah. I will ask you about this, the no
1:27:33point. But you you said something which
1:27:36is
1:27:37which I just wrote down and I I I had
1:27:39this question I had to ask you. He said
1:27:41that you started hating your husband.
1:27:43>> Yes.
1:27:44>> Can you and now you said that you just
1:27:45celebrated 30th year of right?
1:27:47>> Uh-huh.
1:27:48>> So you love him.
1:27:49>> Of
1:27:49>> course I do.
1:27:50Yeah.
1:27:51>> Can you love the person you start hating
1:27:53one?
1:27:53>> Of course.
1:27:54Because there's something called normal
1:27:58marital hatred.
1:28:00[laughter]
1:28:02You cannot live with somebody day in and
1:28:05day out and not have them get under your
1:28:07your skin.
1:28:09Do you know the reason we have families,
1:28:11Raj, is because it teaches you how to
1:28:13love people you hate sometimes.
1:28:15You love your mother and sometimes you
1:28:17hate her.
1:28:17>> Yeah.
1:28:18>> And guess what? Your mother hates you
1:28:19sometimes. You drive her crazy.
1:28:21>> Yeah.
1:28:22I know. I'm well aware.
1:28:23>> Yes. And
1:28:25isn't it a beautiful thing
1:28:27that
1:28:28we as human beings can hold space for
1:28:31two things to be true?
1:28:34Because loving somebody isn't the same
1:28:36thing as really liking them sometimes.
1:28:39And I know that there's lots of things
1:28:41that I do that make my husband bananas
1:28:44and makes him want to tear his hair up
1:28:45because we're not the same people.
1:28:48And we can't control each other and we
1:28:50can't change each other. The secret is
1:28:52learning how to love someone
1:28:56even when you don't really like them.
1:28:58And
1:29:00the secret to marriage is something that
1:29:02I that I've recently learned. It's a
1:29:04couple words.
1:29:05It's this. You're my favorite person.
1:29:09Even when I hate you, you're still my
1:29:11favorite person cuz I never ever ever
1:29:14forgot who I married.
1:29:17I know deep down
1:29:19that even though you're annoying the
1:29:20hell out of me right now,
1:29:24you are still my favorite person in
1:29:26there.
1:29:27And knowing
1:29:29that any relationship that goes the
1:29:31distance
1:29:33requires two people
1:29:35who want it to go the distance.
1:29:37It requires two people
1:29:39who are willing to do the work to make
1:29:41it work.
1:29:42It requires two people who look at each
1:29:44other
1:29:45and deep down can still say despite it
1:29:48all
1:29:49and in spite of this moment, you're
1:29:51still my favorite person.
1:29:52Even though I want to just strangle you
1:29:54right now cuz you're making me nuts cuz
1:29:56you didn't do the dishes like it's
1:29:59so that's the normal stuff that happens
1:30:02and you will go through chapters in any
1:30:05long relationship
1:30:07that are extraordinarily challenging.
1:30:10And what you have to be careful of is
1:30:13that
1:30:15life can make you very hardened.
1:30:18Life is going to beat you up.
1:30:21Learning how to not allow
1:30:25the way that life hardens you to harden
1:30:27you
1:30:28in your relationship is really
1:30:31what makes a relationship work.
1:30:34When you feel beaten up by life,
1:30:36learning how to walk in the door and
1:30:38exhale and not beat up your partner
1:30:40verbally or emotionally and take it out
1:30:43on them.
1:30:44That's
1:30:46what you work out
1:30:48in a long-standing relationship. And we
1:30:50often
1:30:52we often treat the best people in our
1:30:54lives the worst ways because we take
1:30:56them for granted
1:30:58because we know they're not going to go
1:30:59anywhere.
1:31:00And that's if I could go back in time
1:31:03and change anything, it would be the way
1:31:05that I allowed stress of work or the
1:31:07financial pressure or the really
1:31:09challenging periods.
1:31:11I would go back and change like how mean
1:31:14and uh angry I was at my husband who was
1:31:17he wasn't trying to fail in business.
1:31:20He was trying to fix it.
1:31:22And how awful that the one person that
1:31:25he was cared about the most was turning
1:31:27on him because I was scared.
1:31:30>> And how do you know that
1:31:33this hatred is something which is normal
1:31:36and then you
1:31:37you have you'll love love this person
1:31:39again and this is just about period of
1:31:41time.
1:31:42And how do you know it's time that this
1:31:43hatred is it's time to quit.
1:31:45>> It's a great question. So um I think the
1:31:48let them theory is very important
1:31:50because when you say and again the let
1:31:53them theory is basically teaches you
1:31:55what's in your control and not in your
1:31:56control. It's it's two boundaries.
1:31:59And the way you use the let them theory
1:32:00is anytime you feel frustrated, upset,
1:32:03annoyed,
1:32:06you just say let them.
1:32:08And when you say let them,
1:32:10you're drawing a boundary between you
1:32:12and another person, you and the world,
1:32:15you and traffic,
1:32:17and you're you're you're reminding
1:32:19yourself
1:32:20that what's happening right now
1:32:22is not in my control,
1:32:24and therefore trying to change, manage,
1:32:26get frustrated about it
1:32:28is only going to backfire and hurt me.
1:32:31So I need to let this person be who they
1:32:34are and who they're not. And what's
1:32:35interesting about it is if you're in a
1:32:37situation where you're in a relationship
1:32:39with somebody and you're upset with
1:32:41them, when you say let them,
1:32:43you're not allowing them
1:32:45to do anything. You're forcing yourself
1:32:46to recognize
1:32:48that this is who this person is. Their
1:32:50behavior tells me everything.
1:32:53And I can't control or change this
1:32:56person. They're actually showing me
1:32:58something.
1:32:59It's on me to recognize that this is the
1:33:02reality,
1:33:04not the fantasy of who I want this to
1:33:06be.
1:33:07So once you draw the boundary and you
1:33:09recognize, okay, this person is who they
1:33:11are and I need to let them show me who
1:33:14they are. Now I've got to focus on
1:33:16what's in my control, me.
1:33:19Let me remind myself that
1:33:22I get to choose what relationship I want
1:33:24to be in. I get to choose whether or not
1:33:26I'm going to put up with this
1:33:27disrespect. I get to choose whether or
1:33:29not I'm going to tolerate anger. I get
1:33:31to choose whether or not this is the
1:33:33treatment that I want and deserve. Cuz
1:33:36you're not stuck in any relationship,
1:33:38any marriage, any job,
1:33:40any text chain, any friend group, you
1:33:42can change your mind. You can change
1:33:46your relationship.
1:33:47But it's never going to change by you
1:33:49trying to change them.
1:33:51It always changes by you recognizing the
1:33:54reality and then you choosing what you
1:33:56change next.
1:33:57>> But
1:33:58>> do you know that you've had it enough?
1:33:59>> Um, how you know that you've had enough
1:34:02is there's a couple things that have
1:34:04been helpful, I think, to a lot of
1:34:06people uh research by the Gottmans, very
1:34:08very famous researchers, married
1:34:10researchers. Number one, it's like the
1:34:13majority of stuff you argue about, like
1:34:1569% of the things you argue about are
1:34:17never going anywhere.
1:34:19Sorry.
1:34:21You know, if your uh partner's a little
1:34:24messy, they always running late, let
1:34:26them.
1:34:28If your partner likes to watch uh you
1:34:31know cricket all day on TV instead of
1:34:34let them.
1:34:35Like there are just things that you're
1:34:37always going to bicker about and argue
1:34:38about and you've got to decide is this
1:34:41something
1:34:42that I can accept?
1:34:46And are they still my favorite person?
1:34:48Even if they never lose the weight, even
1:34:51if they're never as ambitious as I want,
1:34:52even if they never like learn to cook,
1:34:55even if if if.
1:34:58If this is the person that I see, you
1:35:01got to be in the relationship with the
1:35:03reality in front of you, not the fantasy
1:35:05that you're in a mold in the future.
1:35:07Are they still your favorite person?
1:35:10That's one way you can do it.
1:35:12>> Mhm.
1:35:12>> The second way is ask yourself, if my
1:35:14kids had this marriage, would I be happy
1:35:16for them?
1:35:18>> Wow.
1:35:24That's a good one.
1:35:25>> Mhm.
1:35:26>> That's a really good one.
1:35:27>> That's a really good one. And I think
1:35:29when you have that reaction, then you
1:35:32you then need to ask yourself,
1:35:34if the answer's no, it doesn't
1:35:36necessarily mean you leave. It means
1:35:37there's work to do.
1:35:41And if you and your partner are willing
1:35:43to do the work together to make it
1:35:45better,
1:35:46then I think it's a marriage worth
1:35:48fighting for.
1:35:50If you're with somebody who's not
1:35:51willing to do the work to make it
1:35:52better, there's your answer.
1:35:54>> Mhm.
1:35:56>> Because nothing's changing.
1:35:57And if you change nothing, nothing
1:35:59changes. But if you change something,
1:36:01everything changes. And the final thing
1:36:03to really think about is that if you're
1:36:06in a relationship with somebody that
1:36:07makes you compromise your values or give
1:36:09up on a dream,
1:36:10>> Mhm.
1:36:13>> that will never work because you're
1:36:14going to resent the other person and
1:36:16you're going to blame them for the fact
1:36:17that you could never be a touring
1:36:18musician or you could never be an
1:36:20entrepreneur or you could never move to
1:36:21a different country.
1:36:23You chose them over your dreams and that
1:36:25means you'll resent them for the rest of
1:36:27your life.
1:36:30So even when I had normal marital
1:36:32hatred,
1:36:34I still knew
1:36:36that he was my favorite person.
1:36:39I remembered who I had married.
1:36:41Our values aligned.
1:36:43We wanted the same things.
1:36:46We were just going through a really hard
1:36:47time.
1:36:48And I had to learn how to stop turning
1:36:50against him
1:36:52and instead join with him to work
1:36:55through the problems instead of making
1:36:57him the problem.
1:37:01>> Very nice. I'm
1:37:03I'm still stuck on the kid one. Even
1:37:05though I [clears throat] don't have
1:37:06kids, but I can think of my younger
1:37:08brother, my younger sister, like would I
1:37:09want something for them?
1:37:11>> Yeah.
1:37:11>> And that just hit me hard. But
1:37:13everything you said makes makes a lot of
1:37:15sense. I'll ask you the last three
1:37:16questions that I ask everybody.
1:37:17>> Okay.
1:37:18>> These are like one liners, two liners,
1:37:20or maybe five liners, the way you want
1:37:21to see it.
1:37:22>> [laughter]
1:37:23>> First is
1:37:25what is something that
1:37:27you know and you believe in
1:37:30but the rest of the world doesn't?
1:37:31>> Oh.
1:37:35What is something that I know?
1:37:38Um
1:37:42that the best days
1:37:45of your life
1:37:47are ahead of you.
1:37:50>> You believe in this?
1:37:52>> A thousand percent with every
1:37:57inch and cell in my body. Yes.
1:38:00I believe that that is true about
1:38:04the
1:38:05world. I believe that it is true about
1:38:08your life.
1:38:10That
1:38:11the best is not behind you, that through
1:38:13your attitude and your actions
1:38:16the best days of your life are ahead of
1:38:18you.
1:38:19>> And it's
1:38:21the government is doing this, the AI is
1:38:23coming, the jobs are going to go, the
1:38:25economy is going to be Nothing
1:38:27bothers like nothing matters.
1:38:29>> Well, yes and
1:38:31>> And and your life still will still will
1:38:33be better.
1:38:33>> Well, if we make it better.
1:38:35>> Mhm.
1:38:36>> See, if you can ruin something, you can
1:38:38fix it.
1:38:39>> Fair.
1:38:40>> And
1:38:41maybe everybody needs to wake the hell
1:38:43up
1:38:43>> Mhm.
1:38:44>> and remember what matters to them
1:38:47>> True.
1:38:47>> and be part of fixing it.
1:38:49And I believe
1:38:51that everybody can change and I believe
1:38:53that everybody has a role to play and I
1:38:55believe that your life has meaning.
1:38:58And
1:39:00why are we all here if we're not here to
1:39:02make our own lives better and the planet
1:39:04better and other people's lives better
1:39:06too? What are we doing?
1:39:08>> True.
1:39:10Here's another question. The other one
1:39:11was
1:39:13what's the most extraordinary thing that
1:39:15you want to do next?
1:39:18>> I want to sit on my porch
1:39:21next to my husband of 30 years with my
1:39:24dogs at my feet
1:39:26and I want to look out
1:39:28at the sunset
1:39:30and I want to take a breath and I want
1:39:32to
1:39:33really relish
1:39:36in the magic and beauty
1:39:39of that moment.
1:39:41I want to feel the breeze on my face. I
1:39:43want to
1:39:44notice the pinks and the blues and the
1:39:46big fluffy clouds
1:39:49and I want to feel for just a moment
1:39:53a connection to something deeper.
1:39:58>> That's the first time
1:40:00this this is the first time we're
1:40:01hearing this. I I it. Everybody tells me
1:40:04they want to change the world, they want
1:40:05to do this, but this is lovely. Okay,
1:40:08and the last one is
1:40:09the
1:40:10what's
1:40:13what personal cost have you paid to
1:40:14become Mel Robbins?
1:40:17>> Um, the old Mel Robbins had to die.
1:40:22I killed her.
1:40:25>> That was odd.
1:40:27>> It was the best thing I've ever done.
1:40:32>> Good.
1:40:33Thank you so much.
1:40:34>> Raj, thank you.
1:40:35>> It was a pleasure having you. Thank you
1:40:37so much.
1:40:37>> I'm a friend and I'm a fan.
1:40:39And I love what you're doing. Thank you
1:40:42for inviting me. Thank you for working
1:40:44through like everything to make this
1:40:46happen.
1:40:47And
1:40:49there's a lot
1:40:51of good that
1:40:52you are doing in the world, and I want
1:40:54you to get louder.
1:40:55>> Thank you so much.
1:40:56>> You are a fellow lighthouse, and every
1:40:58piece of content that you put out is a
1:41:01spark of light
1:41:03in a world that feels dark for a lot of
1:41:04people.
1:41:05So keep doing what you're doing and
1:41:07remember why you're doing it.
1:41:09>> It means a lot. Thank you so much.
1:41:11>> You're welcome.
1:41:12>> Thank you.
1:41:13>> Hey, how are you?
1:41:14>> Very good. Good to see you.
1:41:15>> It's nice to see you. Let me ask you
1:41:16this. When you come to Los Angeles
1:41:20and you see all the billboards and you
1:41:22see what everybody else is doing,
1:41:25doesn't it
1:41:27make [music] you think, oh, I got I got
1:41:29to have sweatshirts. Oh, I got to do
1:41:30this. Oh, I I I should probably do what
1:41:31that person's doing.
1:41:33>> No.
1:41:33>> Not at all?
1:41:34>> Not at all.
1:41:35>> Well, then you're a very unique person.
1:41:37>> Thank you. But no, it doesn't
1:41:40I don't know. I'm I'm too inward
1:41:42looking. I don't care about all of this.
1:41:43>> I love that cuz I I agree. People are
1:41:46too much. I am inward looking.
1:41:50And I'm also very careful about the
1:41:52input I allow in.
1:41:53>> I don't get affected by the city.
1:41:56>> Yep.
1:41:56>> It's individual for me.
1:41:57>> Got it.
1:41:58Understood.
1:41:59>> And and and I think every year I make
1:42:02like few gods in my head.
1:42:03>> When you say I make a few gods in my
1:42:05head, you have people that you think are
1:42:07the greats.
1:42:08>> Yeah, I I think like they're doing
1:42:09amazing.
1:42:09>> Yeah, and then you study them.
1:42:10>> Yes.
1:42:11>> Yes, I do the same thing.
1:42:12>> Oh, yeah.
1:42:12>> But that's not, that's that's being
1:42:15strategic and that's being a student of
1:42:17the thing you want to master.
1:42:19>> Mm.
1:42:20Thank you so much for watching this
1:42:21episode till the end. All I want you to
1:42:24do is three things now. Number one,
1:42:26please subscribe. The more you
1:42:27subscribe, the better the guests we will
1:42:29be able to get for you and the more
1:42:31valuable conversation we'll be able to
1:42:33build.
1:42:34Number two,
1:42:35please comment and tell us what did you
1:42:37like about this episode and what you
1:42:39didn't like about this episode.
1:42:41And who are the kind of guests who you
1:42:43want to see? Please give us those
1:42:45suggestions in the comments. We read
1:42:47almost all of them.
1:42:49And number three,
1:42:50please share this episode with at least
1:42:52one person whose life will change after
1:42:55listening to one of the lessons from the
1:42:57episodes. I'll see you next time. Until
1:42:59then, keep figuring out.

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