How To Make Anyone Respect You Instantly — Transcript

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1. 0:00I spent years swallowing disrespect
2. 0:02until I realized that I was literally
3. 0:04training people to walk all over me. And
4. 0:06now I'm the CEO of acquisition.com. I
5. 0:08helped thousands of business owners to
6. 0:10grow because I stopped tolerating that
7. 0:12bull and I started commanding respect
8. 0:14through actions. So if you're sick of
9. 0:16being talked over, torn down, or treated
10. 0:18like a joke, here are six tactics that
11. 0:21will help teach people to respect you.
12. 0:23Number one is that respect starts with
13. 0:25you. Let's start with the biggest lie
14. 0:26that you've ever been told. Respect is
15. 0:28earned from others. You don't earn
16. 0:30respect. You set the standard for it.
17. 0:33And most people set the bar way too low.
18. 0:35Self-respect is built. It is not begged
19. 0:37for. And chasing respect is actually the
20. 0:39quickest way to lose it. Every day
21. 0:41people walk into rooms begging,
22. 0:42pleading, being desperate to be
23. 0:44respected. Okay? Maybe it's a boss
24. 0:45because they undervalue you. Maybe it's
25. 0:47a partner that doesn't honor you or they
26. 0:49don't respect you. Or maybe it's a
27. 0:50friend that just takes you for granted
28. 0:51all the time. But the truth is this.
29. 0:53Okay? You do not get respect by asking
30. 0:55for it. All these like tips and tricks
31. 0:57videos teaching you how to get respect
32. 0:58with like long stairs and body language,
33. 1:01they are stupid and they're not reality.
34. 1:03The real foundation starts with the fact
35. 1:05that you don't even respect yourself.
36. 1:06And so you get it by becoming the person
37. 1:09who wouldn't tolerate that disrespect in
38. 1:11the first place because if you tolerate
39. 1:12it with yourself, then you'll tolerate
40. 1:14it from other people. Respect isn't
41. 1:16earned from other people. It's actually
42. 1:17maintained within ourselves. And then
43. 1:19other people catch on to the respect
44. 1:21that we already have with ourselves. So
45. 1:24people respecting you is actually a
46. 1:26lagging indicator of you respecting
47. 1:28yourself. Meaning the world catches up,
48. 1:30but you're the one who has to go first,
49. 1:31right? And so you have to respect
50. 1:33yourself before anybody else is going
51. 1:34to. And the fastest way to lose respect
52. 1:37is to beg for validation from people who
53. 1:40don't even respect themselves. I had a
54. 1:42woman that came to me. It was about 4
55. 1:44years ago and we had a meeting and I had
56. 1:4740% of my room was female executives,
57. 1:4860% was male executives. And one of the
58. 1:50female executives came to me and she
59. 1:52said, "Oh, you know, Larry doesn't
60. 1:53respect me." It's funny because the way
61. 1:55that I actually saw the conversation go
62. 1:57was that she has such little respect for
63. 1:59herself. She didn't advocate for herself
64. 2:01in the room. She didn't speak like
65. 2:03somebody who respected herself. And she
66. 2:05taught other people in the room how to
67. 2:07talk to her because of the way she
68. 2:09showed up. She didn't have certainty.
69. 2:11She didn't advocate for herself. And she
70. 2:12allowed people to speak over her. So
71. 2:14many times that we catch ourselves
72. 2:16pointing to the other person. And it's
73. 2:17so often in the workplace, especially
74. 2:18with women, we're saying, "Well, that
75. 2:19person doesn't respect me." It's like,
76. 2:21"Well, have I actually learned how to
77. 2:22respect myself? Do I even know what
78. 2:24self-respect looks like?" And I asked
79. 2:25her that question. I said, "Do you know
80. 2:26what it looks like to respect yourself?"
81. 2:27And she was like, "I actually don't. I
82. 2:29really don't." And it's a loop a lot of
83. 2:31people get caught in. Someone
84. 2:32disrespects you. It makes you feel
85. 2:34small. You know, you feel pissed off,
86. 2:36you feel frustrated, you feel angry, and
87. 2:37then you think, "I've got to prove
88. 2:39everybody wrong." So, what do you do?
89. 2:41You try harder to prove your worth. And
90. 2:44then what happens? They might actually
91. 2:45respect you less. not more. And that's
92. 2:47exactly what happened to her. She kept
93. 2:49trying to prove that she needed to be
94. 2:51respected. I saw she would escalate in
95. 2:53the room. She would raise her tone of
96. 2:54voice. She would do all these things
97. 2:55that they weren't respectable. They were
98. 2:56actually rude. They were mean. They
99. 2:58seemed like somebody would do those
100. 2:59things if you were talking to an enemy,
101. 3:01not somebody on your own team. And then
102. 3:02here's what happens when she realized
103. 3:04that was her behavior. She lost more
104. 3:05self-respect. And that's what happens in
105. 3:07that cycle. Then you lose more
106. 3:08self-respect because you're trying to
107. 3:09appease another person rather than
108. 3:11yourself. And then you repeat the cycle.
109. 3:13I know what you're thinking, which is
110. 3:14like, if I stop trying to earn other
111. 3:15people's respect, doesn't that make me
112. 3:16look arrogant or selfish? But here's the
113. 3:18thing. Respecting yourself doesn't make
114. 3:21you selfish. It makes you stable. Cuz
115. 3:24when you respect yourself, your
116. 3:25boundaries are clear. You have standards
117. 3:27that are non-negotiable, and people
118. 3:29around you know where they stand. And
119. 3:31ironically, it's like one of the
120. 3:32kindest, most generous things that you
121. 3:34can do because nobody has to guess who
122. 3:36they're dealing with. They understand
123. 3:37what your standards are and how you
124. 3:38treat yourself. And trying to earn
125. 3:40respect by tolerating disrespect is like
126. 3:43trying to get healthy by eating cake and
127. 3:44hoping your body's just not going to
128. 3:45notice. We want to break that cycle. And
129. 3:47that takes us to our next point. Number
130. 3:49two, we measure people by what they cost
131. 3:52you, not what they say. Just because
132. 3:53somebody talks up a big game doesn't
133. 3:55mean that they should be in your life.
134. 3:57So here's a good decision-making filter.
135. 3:58If somebody makes it harder to behave
136. 4:01like the person I respect being, they
137. 4:03are too expensive to have in my life.
138. 4:04Like no matter how charming, how
139. 4:06connected, or how important they are.
140. 4:08So, here's the questions that you ask
141. 4:10yourself to evaluate. Is that person
142. 4:12worth your time and energy? One, do I
143. 4:14like who I am when I'm around them? Two,
144. 4:16do they challenge me in ways that
145. 4:17elevate me or in ways that confuse and
146. 4:19derail me? Most important, does my
147. 4:22behavior with them when I'm around them
148. 4:24move me closer or further from my
149. 4:27values? A lot of people say, "I know my
150. 4:29boyfriend cheated on me, but he says
151. 4:31what he says." He is causing you to lose
152. 4:33respect for yourself by staying with
153. 4:34him. And it's not about him. It's about
154. 4:36you. It's not that he inherently makes
155. 4:39you disrespect yourself. It's that you
156. 4:42choosing to stay makes you disrespect
157. 4:44yourself. The same goes in the
158. 4:46workplace. People ask me all the time,
159. 4:48Ila, what do I do? My boss, I know they
160. 4:50don't respect me. It feels toxic. It
161. 4:52feels like they're constantly
162. 4:53disrespecting me. How do I manage them
163. 4:55up? You don't. You leave because you
164. 4:57aren't going to change the other person.
165. 4:59You just have to change the situation by
166. 5:01changing how you've responded to the
167. 5:02same situation over and over and over
168. 5:04again. Person's not going to change
169. 5:05because of you. people barely can get
170. 5:07themselves to change. Think about
171. 5:08yourself watching this video. You're
172. 5:10trying to figure out how to respect
173. 5:11yourself. You think for some reason
174. 5:12you're going to have more pull over
175. 5:13somebody else's behavior than your own.
176. 5:15That's just not the case. And so, you
177. 5:17can't expect somebody's going to leave.
178. 5:18You have to leave the situation. And I
179. 5:20know that you're probably thinking,
180. 5:20"Well, but this job, I can't get another
181. 5:22job or like this is my business partner.
182. 5:24Like, I have to make it work or I've
183. 5:25been married for this." Like, I
184. 5:27understand. But at the same time,
185. 5:28there's a quote that comes to mind every
186. 5:30time I think of this, which is like the
187. 5:32definition of insanity is doing the same
188. 5:33thing over and over and over again
189. 5:35expecting a different result. The
190. 5:36situation won't change unless you do.
191. 5:38And you don't change by wanting. You
192. 5:39don't change by wishing. And you don't
193. 5:41change by feeling. You change by doing
194. 5:42something different. Someone saying or
195. 5:44doing something disrespectful doesn't
196. 5:46inherently make them toxic. It's
197. 5:48allowing the disrespect is that what
198. 5:50makes it toxic is that you allow
199. 5:52yourself to remain that situation.
200. 5:53Someone can't disrespect you if you
201. 5:55leave the situation. And so allowing
202. 5:57someone to continually disrespect us is
203. 5:59when you give away your own power and
204. 6:01then you lose respect for yourself in
205. 6:02the process. Here's where things get
206. 6:03interesting is that self-respect is a
207. 6:06system, not a feeling. Okay? Most people
208. 6:08think that self-respect is something
209. 6:10that you earn. But the truth is
210. 6:11self-respect is a daily set of
211. 6:13behaviors. You don't feel self-respect.
212. 6:16You do self-respect. So let's break down
213. 6:18the behaviors that actually build
214. 6:19self-respect. Number one, keep your word
215. 6:20to yourself. I don't know how many times
216. 6:22I have to say this. Keep your
217. 6:23word to yourself. If you don't keep your
218. 6:24word to yourself and you are pissed that
219. 6:26people disrespect you, then you have
220. 6:28nothing to complain about. You don't
221. 6:30respect yourself. Of course, they don't
222. 6:31respect you. And you might say, "Oh,
223. 6:33this person disrespected me by saying
224. 6:35they were going to do something and then
225. 6:36they did something else or whatever it
226. 6:38might be." Okay, but if you don't even
227. 6:40keep your word to yourself, how can you
228. 6:41be pissed that somebody else doesn't
229. 6:43keep it to you? This happens all the
230. 6:44time in relationships. There's a saying
231. 6:45that people say, which is it only takes
232. 6:47one person to change a relationship. And
233. 6:49that goes for this as well because if
234. 6:50you change, the other person has to
235. 6:52change their behavior. But a lot of
236. 6:54people don't see that. They just see, I
237. 6:55need them to change for me to change or
238. 6:56for me to feel better. But we don't have
239. 6:58control over what other people do. We
240. 6:59only have control over how we respond to
241. 7:01ourselves and what we do. The second
242. 7:03thing you need to do is you need to
243. 7:04leave environments that make you behave
244. 7:06out of alignment. For example, when I
245. 7:08was 18, I lived in a house with six
246. 7:10people. And I realized that everything
247. 7:11they did, smoking weed, drinking,
248. 7:14partying, stealing, lying, cheating, it
249. 7:17was all out of alignment with the person
250. 7:18that I wanted to be. And so I left. I
251. 7:20didn't say you guys need to respect me
252. 7:22by upholding these standards that I want
253. 7:25you to have of your life because for
254. 7:26some reason that will make me feel
255. 7:27better. No, I just said this. I'm
256. 7:29leaving the situation. They can do
257. 7:30whatever they want to do. I'm going to
258. 7:31live my life how I'm going to live my
259. 7:32life. And so I left. And then I went and
260. 7:34I lived in a house by myself because I
261. 7:36said it makes it harder for me to
262. 7:37respect myself when I'm surrounded by
263. 7:39these people. It's a question I ask
264. 7:40myself a lot. Am I surrounding myself
265. 7:42with people that make me lose respect
266. 7:44for myself? Because maybe I'm tolerating
267. 7:47stuff from them that I wouldn't tolerate
268. 7:48from other people. Maybe I'm acting in a
269. 7:51way when I'm around them that makes it
270. 7:53harder for me to respect myself. Or
271. 7:54maybe I feel that their disrespect for
272. 7:57themselves makes it hard for me to
273. 7:59respect myself around them. A really big
274. 8:00one is when people are drinking and
275. 8:02doing drugs. Like I still to this day
276. 8:04get uneasy when I'm around somebody that
277. 8:05drinks a lot because I feel they don't
278. 8:07have respect for themselves. And I'm
279. 8:08like, I just hold myself to a higher
280. 8:10standard of how much I respect my body,
281. 8:12my mind, all these things. It's really
282. 8:13hard for me to be around that now
283. 8:14because I know what it was like. And so
284. 8:16I don't sit there and try to preach to
285. 8:18them. I'm not like, "Oh, you should stop
286. 8:19drinking. You I'm just like, I just
287. 8:20won't be hanging out with you." I'm not
288. 8:21even going to tell them. I'm just not
289. 8:22going to be there. You don't need to
290. 8:24make other people feel bad for the fact
291. 8:25they don't respect themselves. You just
292. 8:26need to respect yourself by leaving the
293. 8:28situation. Now, the third behavior is
294. 8:30that you want to choose discomfort over
295. 8:32self-abandonment. Most people, and this
296. 8:34happens all the time, they would rather
297. 8:36abandon themselves, their values, their
298. 8:38principles, their sense of self, then be
299. 8:40uncomfortable. Instead, we want to say
300. 8:42this. I will choose discomfort if it
301. 8:45means keeping the respect I have for
302. 8:47myself. So, I'll give you an example of
303. 8:48when this happened to me in the
304. 8:49workplace. So, when I got a job at a gym
305. 8:52when I was 21, I joined a gym and it was
306. 8:55the one that I felt like I could make
307. 8:56the most money the fastest, which I had
308. 8:58moved all the way across the country. I
309. 8:59didn't have much money, so I was like,
310. 9:00"It'll just work here." And when I was
311. 9:03there, I remember it was like 4 days in
312. 9:05and one of the managers, he was like,
313. 9:07"Hey, you should go talk to those guys
314. 9:09over there." And it was like this group
315. 9:10of older men and I was like, "Why?" He
316. 9:12was like, "Well, I think that those
317. 9:13would be your ideal clients." And I was
318. 9:15like, "Definitely not my ideal clients.
319. 9:16some IDO clients are women in their 20s.
320. 9:19Why? And he was like, "Listen," I
321. 9:20remember he looked me dead in the eye
322. 9:21and he like grabbed me on my shoulder.
323. 9:23He put his hand right there and he was
324. 9:24like, "Pull down your shirt. Pull up
325. 9:26your shorts. Go talk to them." In the
326. 9:27moment, I was like, "I don't even know
327. 9:29what's happening right now." And I end
328. 9:32up leaving. Later that day, I said, "Oh,
329. 9:33I have a stomach ache. I've got to go."
330. 9:35And I just called them after and I said,
331. 9:36"I'm not working here. I'm done." And
332. 9:38they were like, "Why?" And I was like,
333. 9:39"Not for me. I'd rather be uncomfortable
334. 9:42knowing that I don't have the money,
335. 9:44don't have all this, you know, now I'm
336. 9:45uncomfortable with the fact that like I
337. 9:47don't know how I'm going to make ends
338. 9:48meet, but at least I keep my dignity. At
339. 9:50least I'm keeping my values. Like,
340. 9:51that's just not how I roll. And by the
341. 9:52way, if you roll that way, whatever. You
342. 9:54do you. But like, I just don't roll that
343. 9:56way. And so, I was like, I just got to
344. 9:57exit the situation. And doing little
345. 9:59things like that over time, that's how
346. 10:00you build respect for yourself. It's by
347. 10:02keeping the promises, keeping the
348. 10:04boundaries, and deciding it's okay to be
349. 10:06uncomfortable as long as I'm aligned
350. 10:08with my values. The fourth behavior is
351. 10:10speaking truthfully without emotionally
352. 10:13vomiting. This one's insidious. A lot of
353. 10:15people lose respect for themselves
354. 10:17because of what they say to other
355. 10:18people. And then they walk away
356. 10:20thinking, "I shouldn't have said that. I
357. 10:22think I said too much. I'm not happy
358. 10:23with how I showed up. I don't know if I
359. 10:25should have said that." And that's
360. 10:26because they speak out of impulse and
361. 10:28emotion. This is when people speak from
362. 10:30unmanaged discomfort rather than
363. 10:32speaking truthfully in alignment with
364. 10:34the results they want. A question I ask
365. 10:36myself all the time is what do I want to
366. 10:38have happen from this conversation? Like
367. 10:40what's the action I want this person to
368. 10:42take? What would I like them to do when
369. 10:44we get done talking? I don't ask myself,
370. 10:46how would I like to feel? I ask myself,
371. 10:47what would I like to have happen? And
372. 10:49that's a huge one because if you think
373. 10:50about it, a good example is if you're
374. 10:52mad at your spouse because they didn't
375. 10:54get you the gift you wanted on your
376. 10:55birthday. You say, "Okay, well, why am I
377. 10:57mad? Because I'm uncomfortable with the
378. 10:59fact that I think about them so much on
379. 11:00their birthday that I would never forget
380. 11:02this, but they forgot it for me. And so,
381. 11:03I'm uncomfortable. I don't feel good.
382. 11:05Well, what do I want to have happen?
383. 11:06Well, I want them to think of me on my
384. 11:07birthday. Then, do you think emotionally
385. 11:09vomiting all over that person is going
386. 11:11to result in them thinking about you on
387. 11:13your birthday? Or do you think it's
388. 11:14going to result in them liking you less
389. 11:16because you made them feel bad for
390. 11:17something they didn't even know that was
391. 11:18an expectation of themselves. And so,
392. 11:20that's why you have to ask yourself
393. 11:21these things. And people go around in
394. 11:23the workplace, in their friendships, in
395. 11:24their relationships emotionally vomiting
396. 11:26because it feels good in the short term
397. 11:28and it feels really bad in the long term
398. 11:29because you don't build that
399. 11:30self-respect. And so, if you think about
400. 11:32it, self-respect is like fitness. You
401. 11:34just do it one rep at a time. Every time
402. 11:36you choose not to betray yourself. And
403. 11:38every time you betray yourself, you lose
404. 11:40self-respect. Every time you break a
405. 11:42promise to yourself, you're showing the
406. 11:43world how to treat you. And you show
407. 11:45yourself how to treat you. Because
408. 11:47here's the thing. People who really
409. 11:48respect themselves, they just leave
410. 11:50situations and people who don't respect
411. 11:51them. They don't complain about it and
412. 11:53they certainly don't YouTube, Google,
413. 11:55search videos about it. They just dip.
414. 11:57They ghost them and they leave. So
415. 12:00self-respect is built in systems that
416. 12:01make it easy for us to keep promises to
417. 12:04ourselves. The fourth tactic is that
418. 12:06respect is taught through consequences,
419. 12:08not conversation. Saying to somebody,
420. 12:11you need to respect me is useless unless
421. 12:13there is no consequence when they don't
422. 12:15respect you. Nobody disrespects us
423. 12:17without our permission. And so respect
424. 12:19is taught by what you accept, not what
425. 12:21you explain to people. So let's go back
426. 12:23to the cheating example. My boyfriend
427. 12:25cheated on me and I told him, "If you
428. 12:27ever do this again, you have to respect
429. 12:29me. You can't treat me like this."
430. 12:30Words. Just words. Words don't mean. If
431. 12:33you really wanted him to respect you,
432. 12:35you would leave. And then maybe at that
433. 12:36point, you have a chance at salvaging
434. 12:38the relationship because he has now
435. 12:40learned there is a consequence. If I
436. 12:42cheat, she leaves. Versus before it was,
437. 12:44if I cheat, she just says some to my
438. 12:46face. She talks at me. I get yelled at
439. 12:48for a day. The same goes for teammates.
440. 12:50If they disrespect you and all you do is
441. 12:52say words, nothing changes. But if you
442. 12:54say, "I'm taking this project away," and
443. 12:56you just take it away. If you demote
444. 12:57somebody, if you suspend somebody, okay,
445. 13:00now there's a consequence. And that is
446. 13:01likely not going to happen again. So
447. 13:02here's the thing. Nobody is going to
448. 13:04respect you unless you demand it through
449. 13:06action, not through talking. There was a
450. 13:08time when somebody said something to me.
451. 13:10I remember this. There was an employee
452. 13:12and they made a joke about me in front
453. 13:14of my team and I was in a meeting with
454. 13:15them. There was like probably six of us.
455. 13:18And I didn't say anything. I just left.
456. 13:20And me leaving, it taught me something,
457. 13:23which was that there was nothing I could
458. 13:24have said that would have been more
459. 13:26powerful than me leaving that room. Not
460. 13:28only did I get an apology, I got the
461. 13:29most remorseful letter I've ever read. I
462. 13:31can't believe I offended you so badly
463. 13:33you left the room. And the thing was is
464. 13:35that I didn't feel bad about myself for
465. 13:36leaving the room. I didn't regret it
466. 13:38later because what would I have done
467. 13:39otherwise? Say something, emotionally
468. 13:41vomit. Then I'm doing something that
469. 13:43feels out of alignment with my values
470. 13:44cuz I don't like yelling at people in
471. 13:45front of people. I don't like making
472. 13:46people feel bad. I also don't like being
473. 13:48made to feel bad, so I just left. And
474. 13:50that's why people will respect us
475. 13:52through our actions, not our words.
476. 13:54Which brings me to point five, which is
477. 13:56mastering emotions is one of the highest
478. 13:58forms of self-respect. People who are
479. 14:00really, really powerful, people who have
480. 14:02true personal power, they don't yell at
481. 14:04people. Emotional outbursts, they can
482. 14:06feel satisfying, but they don't teach
483. 14:07people anything. Calm, decisive action
484. 14:10does. And so, mastering our own emotions
485. 14:12is how we successfully create boundaries
486. 14:14without all the drama. You don't need to
487. 14:16yell. You don't need to shout to explain
488. 14:19yourself. You decide ahead of time what
489. 14:22happens the next time somebody does
490. 14:24something and then you follow through
491. 14:26with it. When the thing happens, when
492. 14:27they do this thing, when they say this
493. 14:29thing, when they have this action, no
494. 14:32yelling, no emotional vomiting, no
495. 14:34explaining, you just do the next thing.
496. 14:36That means that if somebody cheats on
497. 14:38you and you're thinking to yourself, I
498. 14:39will leave. You don't need to yell at
499. 14:40them. You just leave. The next time your
500. 14:42boss yells at you, say something
501. 14:44demeaning to you, they talk about how
502. 14:45you're not worth something. they do
503. 14:47something unethical, you just leave. You
504. 14:49don't say something. This is not about
505. 14:50your boss. This is about you. It's about
506. 14:52you respecting yourself enough to walk
507. 14:53away from the situation and not need to
508. 14:55emotionally vomit on somebody because
509. 14:56that again is going to make you respect
510. 14:58yourself less. So, what does handling
511. 15:00your emotions look like in practice? We
512. 15:01do not fight. We don't argue. We don't
513. 15:03yell. We don't call people names that
514. 15:05are derogatory. Instead, we choose
515. 15:07silence and action over conflict. We use
516. 15:10our actions, not our words. It's funny
517. 15:12how we're taught that when we're young.
518. 15:13You're like, "Use your words." Like, no,
519. 15:14use your actions. We distance ourselves
520. 15:16rather than trying to prove a point to
521. 15:18somebody. And then we calmly exit
522. 15:20situations instead of emotionally
523. 15:22exhausting ourselves in front of people.
524. 15:24And I know it feels like you have to
525. 15:26confront everybody every time they wrong
526. 15:28you. But you leaving and enacting a
527. 15:31consequence says more than any word
528. 15:33could ever say to somebody. And so
529. 15:35anytime you create drama, think about
530. 15:37it, you end up respecting yourself less.
531. 15:39So you have to learn to master your
532. 15:41emotions, stay calm, and use your
533. 15:43actions. The sixth tactic is that high
534. 15:46respect people never argue to be
535. 15:49respected. They just leave. So you'll
536. 15:51never see a confident person begging to
537. 15:53be valued. They've already decided their
538. 15:55worth before they walked in the door. An
539. 15:57example of this is like when I was in
540. 15:59college, I had a boyfriend that I was
541. 16:00with for a year and a half. I found out
542. 16:01he cheated on me and he told me and I
543. 16:03remember was sitting there and the first
544. 16:05thing that came out of my mouth was,
545. 16:06"Okay, well I guess we can't be
546. 16:08together." And I remember he was like
547. 16:09first shocked that I wasn't yelling.
548. 16:11Secondly shocked like oh wait what? He
549. 16:13was like, uh, he was like, he could not
550. 16:15compute. I'm sure that guy had never had
551. 16:16a girl not scream and rip his head
552. 16:18off when he had cheated because he'd
553. 16:20definitely done it before. And I was
554. 16:21just like, "Yeah, well then we can't be
555. 16:22together." And I remember I made a
556. 16:24choice consciously in that moment. I was
557. 16:25like, "I want to respect the woman I am
558. 16:26and how I handle this situation."
559. 16:28Because guess what? I had already
560. 16:29decided if anyone ever cheated on me, I
561. 16:32would walk away in silence. I'm not
562. 16:33going to yell. I'm not going to scream.
563. 16:34I'm just going to be done. And why is
564. 16:36that? Because it's not about them. It's
565. 16:38not about how they feel in the
566. 16:39situation. It's not about if they know
567. 16:41they disrespected me. It's because I
568. 16:43wouldn't respect myself if I turned into
569. 16:45the girl who screamed, who cried, who
570. 16:47begged. I don't want to be that person.
571. 16:49I don't want to carry that with me. I
572. 16:50don't want to wake up the next morning
573. 16:51and think about that. And so I said, we
574. 16:53can be friends if anything. He was a
575. 16:55nice guy. I liked him. He made a
576. 16:56mistake. But I was like, I've already
577. 16:57decided I'm done. We're not going to be
578. 16:58together in a situation. I know a lot of
579. 17:00people think, well, shouldn't I try and
580. 17:01talk it out? Am I just giving up? And
581. 17:03it's like, why do we talk? Why do we
582. 17:05talk to people? We talk to people
583. 17:06because we want to change something
584. 17:07about what they do. So, my favorite
585. 17:09thing that my husband and I do is that
586. 17:10when we have tension, when we have
587. 17:12anything we disagree on, we just say,
588. 17:13"What would you like me to do
589. 17:14differently?" Because we have all this
590. 17:16drama in relationships, people stay up
591. 17:18until 3. I've never done that in the
592. 17:19last 10 years of my marriage, by the
593. 17:21way. I do not stay up till 3:00 a.m. We
594. 17:22do not have late night fight. It's very
595. 17:23short to the point. Like, we get it. We
596. 17:25have this down. What do you want me to
597. 17:26do differently? I don't need you to yell
598. 17:27at me. I just want to know what behavior
599. 17:29would you like me to change? And then I
600. 17:31can decide if I'm willing to do that or
601. 17:32not. And if I'm not, we'll just come up
602. 17:34with a different way of doing this. And
603. 17:35the second piece is that like leaving
604. 17:36doesn't mean that you give up. It means
605. 17:38that you grew up. You recognize that
606. 17:40some conversations don't need to be had.
607. 17:42Not every conversation needs to be had.
608. 17:43It really doesn't. And if they didn't
609. 17:45change after the first time that this
610. 17:47situation occurred, then they're
611. 17:49probably not going to change after the
612. 17:50fifth or the sixth. And so, walking away
613. 17:52from a situation is not quitting. It's
614. 17:54choosing to respect yourself more than
615. 17:56the situation. And that is why respect
616. 17:58doesn't start with other people. It
617. 18:00starts with you, with how you behave,
618. 18:02with how you show up, and it's what you
619. 18:04tolerate. and the version of you that
620. 18:06you're trying to be can't survive in an
621. 18:09environment where you're constantly
622. 18:10disrespected by yourself. If this video
623. 18:13helped you and if this resonated with
624. 18:14what you're struggling with right now,
625. 18:15you can go ahead and check out my video
626. 18:17on how to become dangerously confident.