How To Make A Quantum Leap In Your Life - Alex Hormozi — Transcript

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1. 0:00It's crazy that we think we can change
2. 0:02our thinking environment whilst keeping
3. 0:04our external environment the exact same.
4. 0:06And we're going to just continue to use
5. 0:09I don't know what
6. 0:11what type of effort we think it is that
7. 0:13we're applying to our own brain whilst
8. 0:16experiencing the same cues and stimulus
9. 0:19but hoping that our thinking is going to
10. 0:21adapt.
11. 0:22>> You have to change to change.
12. 0:25And it sounds so I like Does that sound
13. 0:27like a trite truism or whatever?
14. 0:29>> yeah.
15. 0:30>> If nothing has changed, nothing will
16. 0:32change. And so you have to be like
17. 0:34something has to be the catalyst and you
18. 0:36were the only like either you get in a
19. 0:38car accident, your girlfriend breaks up
20. 0:39with you, you can use the negative at
21. 0:41least like if you are not happy with
22. 0:43your life and then something bad happens
23. 0:45to you, be grateful for it in the moment
24. 0:47because it means that you a change a
25. 0:49chaos variable has entered the building.
26. 0:51And that means that you have the ability
27. 0:53for a short period of time before
28. 0:54equilibrium gets reestablished that you
29. 0:55can change [ __ ] without the same
30. 0:57consequences because all of your loops
31. 0:59got got modeled. And so like those are
32. 1:01the periods of time where you can go
33. 1:02through tremendous change because you're
34. 1:04like, "Well, [ __ ] it.
35. 1:05Everything that I thought to be true
36. 1:06isn't. So what else did I think was
37. 1:09false but isn't?"
38. 1:11And then you can start moving towards
39. 1:12it.
40. 1:12>> Came across this line from Beauty of
41. 1:14Sass. It is an unwritten rule of life
42. 1:16that after every prolonged period of
43. 1:18hardship and uncertainty, there is going
44. 1:20to be a period where you achieve quantum
45. 1:22leaps across multiple areas of your
46. 1:23life. The only requirement is that you
47. 1:25do not give up on yourself.
48. 1:33>> Failure and success are on the same
49. 1:35road. It's just that failure is an
50. 1:37earlier exit.
51. 1:38>> Mhm. Mhm.
52. 1:42What's that one about Whatever you do,
53. 1:44don't be the guy who gives up at the
54. 1:46exact moment when you should be fighting
55. 1:47with everything you have.
56. 1:49You'll make it through either way, but
57. 1:51there's only one way you'll look back
58. 1:52and be proud of yourself.
59. 1:56>> This is the meta frame of the story that
60. 1:58we one day tell. Like we tell stories of
61. 2:00who of what type of person we are all
62. 2:02day long when we're confronted with
63. 2:04different decisions. What type of person
64. 2:05am I?
65. 2:06And
66. 2:09I would like to be known to myself as a
67. 2:11fighter.
68. 2:13Is that I'm willing to fight for what I
69. 2:15want.
70. 2:16And for what I believe in.
71. 2:17And I think that
72. 2:19And that is why I think I would want to
73. 2:21have courage to be the one thing that is
74. 2:22transferred.
75. 2:23>> Mhm.
76. 2:24>> And I think it's because
77. 2:26I'm going to go back to that season cuz
78. 2:27I think it's relevant.
79. 2:30Like
80. 2:33I
81. 2:35I was a really good student at
82. 2:38Vanderbilt. I was vice president of the
83. 2:40powerlifting team. I was president of
84. 2:42the fraternity that I was in. I had a
85. 2:443.8 I think GPA.
86. 2:46Um and I graduated in 3 years.
87. 2:48But I was so afraid of not getting a job
88. 2:52that I took the first job that I was
89. 2:53offered
90. 2:54from the first person which was an
91. 2:56introduction my dad had from a patient
92. 2:57of his.
93. 2:59And to be clear some people are like,
94. 3:00"Oh, it was a it was an episode It
95. 3:01wasn't a great job."
96. 3:03But I was so afraid that I would be
97. 3:05jobless that I just took that job.
98. 3:08And I only say this to say that like
99. 3:15Like you can change your stars.
100. 3:19Like I was not the type of person who
101. 3:21who does the types of things that I do
102. 3:23now.
103. 3:24Then.
104. 3:25And
105. 3:29I I I I retell those stories.
106. 3:33I don't talk about talk about them as
107. 3:34much because
108. 3:36um
109. 3:37honestly I blocked most of them out
110. 3:38because I was in so much pain during
111. 3:40that period of my life.
112. 3:41And the reason that I'm willing to keep
113. 3:44making content and write books and all
114. 3:45that stuff um is because I know that
115. 3:49there is a another person
116. 3:51who is going through a similar chapter
117. 3:54and worried if they are sane or if it is
118. 3:56only them and it is not.
119. 3:58And so, like
120. 4:02you can't compare yourself to people who
121. 4:04are at different chapters. You just have
122. 4:06to believe that you can change
123. 4:08incrementally,
124. 4:09one behavior at a time over an extended
125. 4:11period of time, and that those changes
126. 4:13will aggregate, that they will stack up.
127. 4:16Um
128. 4:19because like we don't know what the last
129. 4:20chapter is going to look like. We only
130. 4:21know what the next page does, and we get
131. 4:23to write that today. And
132. 4:26like I was
133. 4:29I was so driven by fear.
134. 4:31I was so I was so afraid of everything.
135. 4:34Um
136. 4:36during that chapter. And so, it was like
137. 4:39other people's opinions, what if I fail,
138. 4:41what if this doesn't work out, what if
139. 4:42people make fun of me? Like I had all
140. 4:44this
141. 4:45this fear around it. And like the
142. 4:47emotionality that I have now towards it
143. 4:48is because of the
144. 4:50the
145. 4:53a mix of of pity and pride
146. 4:56that I have for that young man, the
147. 4:59young Alex that was going through that,
148. 5:01because
149. 5:03I'm proud that I made made it through
150. 5:05that, but I also pity the amount of pain
151. 5:08that I was going through,
152. 5:09um
153. 5:10to to to make that jump. And so,
154. 5:14I don't I don't know who's listening,
155. 5:16but like
156. 5:20fear can be useful. If you know that you
157. 5:23were driven by fear
158. 5:25to some degree, and in some ways it's
159. 5:26almost shameful to say it, because it
160. 5:28was the reason that
161. 5:30that the word that I never want to be
162. 5:32have used described for me is cowardly
163. 5:35is because I behaved like a coward. I
164. 5:37was afraid of everything. I was afraid
165. 5:38of failing. I was afraid of my dad's
166. 5:40judgment. I was afraid of of everything.
167. 5:43And
168. 5:44I
169. 5:45the the flip that made it for me was
170. 5:47just using that fear against something
171. 5:50bigger.
172. 5:51Was that I was more afraid of not of of
173. 5:55looking back on my life and never having
174. 5:57tried.
175. 5:59And I knew that that would be so empty
176. 6:01and I would be so filled with with
177. 6:03regret and that I knew that I would beat
178. 6:05myself up over it every single day as I
179. 6:08got older.
180. 6:09That that existence was
181. 6:12was more terrifying to me than the
182. 6:16practical consequences of me taking a
183. 6:19step where I would fail. And it sounds
184. 6:21it's very easy for me to say now to you
185. 6:24or anyone who's listening like of course
186. 6:26the downside's not that big, you'll just
187. 6:27sleep on a friend's couch, whatever.
188. 6:29But at the time for me, it was
189. 6:33everything.
190. 6:34And it was all of the status that I had
191. 6:36spent all of my time trying to
192. 6:37accumulate. I was president of this,
193. 6:38president of that, I'd done all the good
194. 6:40grades, I had a good job on paper. Um
195. 6:44And so
196. 6:45whatever fuel you have, whether it's
197. 6:47anger, whether it's shame, whether it's
198. 6:49fear, even if you have all of them, like
199. 6:52if you know you have them,
200. 6:55try and put them behind you to to get
201. 6:59you to run away from it. If it's right
202. 7:01now it's in front of you and it's it's
203. 7:03preventing you from taking the next
204. 7:04step. And so it's like if you can just
205. 7:05put it behind you so that you're running
206. 7:07away from this this future. It's like r-
207. 7:10run harder away from the future
208. 7:13that your current path is taking you
209. 7:15towards that you're afraid of than the
210. 7:17short-term path that running away from
211. 7:19it is going to run you into. It's like
212. 7:21you either have to be, you know, uh it's
213. 7:24like in
214. 7:25I'm
215. 7:26I'm I'm taking some liberties here. Um
216. 7:29It's like you can either
217. 7:31fear the whip of the the person behind
218. 7:33you or the enemy in front of you and the
219. 7:36direction you face is the one that you
220. 7:37fear the the least.
221. 7:39And so
222. 7:41if you know that there's an enemy in
223. 7:42front of you and a whip behind you, it's
224. 7:43like you just need to in the short term
225. 7:45increase the pain of the one that you
226. 7:47want least.
227. 7:49>> Have you seen Succession?
228. 7:51>> Uh the first season.
229. 7:53>> Okay. So,
230. 7:54>> I don't watch it because it's too real
231. 7:55for me.
232. 7:57So, it's it keeps me up. And like I
233. 7:58basically I get I get too like amped
234. 8:00when I watch it cuz I like it, but I'm
235. 8:02like I can't do this before bed.
236. 8:03>> So,
237. 8:04>> I need like vampires and like
238. 8:08>> In the final season, Tom is having a
239. 8:12conversation with his wife
240. 8:13and he says,
241. 8:16"I wonder if the pain
242. 8:19that I would feel without you
243. 8:22would be less than the pain that I feel
244. 8:24by being with you."
245. 8:25>> Mhm.
246. 8:30>> And that seems to be what you're talking
247. 8:32about here.
248. 8:32>> It's 100% that. And I
249. 8:34>> you you you talk in retrospect about
250. 8:35that period, about what that guy went
251. 8:37through, doesn't sound like pity to me.
252. 8:39It sounds like grief.
253. 8:40>> Mhm.
254. 8:41>> Sounds much closer to grief. Like
255. 8:42somebody
256. 8:44nearly died or did die or suffered a lot
257. 8:46and didn't deserve it.
258. 8:47>> Oh, I think that person totally died.
259. 8:50Like the I don't want to say the man I
260. 8:51was, the boy that I was totally died.
261. 8:53And I think
262. 8:55I mean, the hardest the hardest loss
263. 8:56that I had to take was the
264. 8:58the boy that I was in my father's eyes
265. 9:00that was living up to his expectations,
266. 9:02which is all that I wanted.
267. 9:03>> Mhm.
268. 9:05>> And so, sacrificing that
269. 9:08and it took years. And my dad and I are
270. 9:09cool. We're great. But like for a for a
271. 9:11season, that's what I I had I had to
272. 9:13sacrifice that person. And it was all I
273. 9:16had wanted was to make him happy.
274. 9:19And so,
275. 9:20and again, no fault of his own. But that
276. 9:22is all I wanted. And so, it's like I had
277. 9:24a tree I had achieved the dreams that I
278. 9:26had as a younger man, and in so doing it
279. 9:28had become my nightmare.
280. 9:30And
281. 9:32that's why the third point that that you
282. 9:34read about, no one is coming to save
283. 9:36you,
284. 9:37Everything is your fault.
285. 9:38And you have to sacrifice who you are
286. 9:40for who you want to become.
287. 9:41Um I think it's so real for me.
288. 9:44Is that you do.
289. 9:46And like like someone's dreams will die.
290. 9:48It is yours or theirs.
291. 9:51So, you just want to make sure that the
292. 9:52person who is dreaming for you has
293. 9:54bigger dreams for a life than you do.
294. 9:57And sometimes well-intentioned people
295. 10:00because they want to be practical and
296. 10:01they want to be realistic have smaller
297. 10:03dreams for you than you do.
298. 10:05And if they have smaller dreams, then
299. 10:07you should listen to you and not them.
300. 10:10>> Obviously, your dad built a
301. 10:12a story about what success looks like.
302. 10:14>> Yeah.
303. 10:15>> And you
304. 10:16rejected it slowly but loudly.
305. 10:20Now that you're about to have a child,
306. 10:22what story are you going to tell that
307. 10:24kid?
308. 10:25>> Of of that period or
309. 10:27>> No, the story about what success looks
310. 10:29like.
311. 10:30Like how how certain are you
312. 10:34that the story that you tell your son
313. 10:36isn't just a new version of the same
314. 10:37cage that you had to break out of?
315. 10:41>> It's something that I think a lot about.
316. 10:43Um how do I
317. 10:45you know, the the child is going to be
318. 10:47born into
319. 10:49By the time he has memory, he will be
320. 10:51the son of a billionaire.
321. 10:53That's
322. 10:55that's a lot.
323. 10:57Um
324. 11:00And in some ways I like don't wish that
325. 11:02on anyone, but I'm and yet I'm bringing
326. 11:04someone into that.
327. 11:05Um which has its own thought circles I
328. 11:08won't get into.
329. 11:10Um
330. 11:11but I am going to focus him
331. 11:14to the degree that I can influence his
332. 11:16behavior.
333. 11:17Um
334. 11:19on
335. 11:23on being courageous.
336. 11:26On
337. 11:27leaving nothing on the field. I will
338. 11:31care endlessly
339. 11:33about his effort
340. 11:34and very little about the outcomes
341. 11:38assuming he controlled the
342. 11:40controllables.
343. 11:41And
344. 11:42I will
345. 11:45hold an incredibly high standard.
346. 11:47And it is because
347. 11:49I respect him and believe in him and
348. 11:52that he has the potential to achieve it.
349. 11:54And what's been very difficult for me
350. 11:56cuz I haven't I haven't fully defined
351. 11:58this and maybe I will by the time he's
352. 11:59born or by the time he's a little older
353. 12:01is is I've had trouble trying to define
354. 12:03what a successful parent looks like
355. 12:05and what a successful child looks like.
356. 12:08Because if we decide if we define a
357. 12:10successful parent by the output of the
358. 12:11child
359. 12:13there's a whole hell of a lot of people
360. 12:14that have had pretty tough parents that
361. 12:15have turned out really good.
362. 12:17But then does that mean that the parents
363. 12:18are good or bad?
364. 12:19I don't know.
365. 12:21Um
366. 12:22and the successful child is the
367. 12:24successful child that he is happy. I
368. 12:26tend to reject that that definition
369. 12:29overall. Is it that he has purpose? I
370. 12:31would probably prefer that um cuz I
371. 12:33think happiness can be fleeting. Purpose
372. 12:36tends to stick a little longer.
373. 12:38Um
374. 12:39but at the very end of the day I think
375. 12:41um character, which I still just define
376. 12:43as just huge sets of behaviors
377. 12:45um
378. 12:50I want him to be brave.
379. 12:53And I want him to try his ass off.
380. 12:55And if he does that
381. 12:57well
382. 12:58no matter what he will be good enough
383. 13:00for me, but uh
384. 13:03I will just more so make the commitment
385. 13:04that given all the resources that I have
386. 13:06both mental and
387. 13:07and financial um
388. 13:09I will do the best I can with what I
389. 13:10have um to give him the maximum
390. 13:13possibility of achieving what he wants.
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