How to know when to LEAVE your Relationship — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00so how do you know when it's time to
2. 0:01leave a relationship it seems like one
3. 0:03of the hardest questions to answer right
4. 0:05because so often we have so much
5. 0:06invested in this person we have so much
6. 0:08hope that things could be better I mean
7. 0:10we don't want this relationship to end
8. 0:12or else we would have already ended it
9. 0:14and yet when we're honest with
10. 0:16ourselves we know something's not right
11. 0:19we know that we don't feel valued and
12. 0:20prioritized not consistently at least we
13. 0:23know that this is not how love is
14. 0:24supposed to feel and the truth is you're
15. 0:26probably willing to put in the work to
16. 0:28make it right aren't you for the vast
17. 0:30majority of you out there you you'll
18. 0:31read the books you'll go to counseling
19. 0:33you'll work on your communication if
20. 0:34that's what would help things but let me
21. 0:37guess they have no interest in doing
22. 0:39those things do they things are fine for
23. 0:41them it's you that has the problem and
24. 0:44so today my job is just to remind you of
25. 0:46what you already know that whatever you
26. 0:48want out of your relationship happiness
27. 0:50fulfillment intimacy connection the
28. 0:52truth is relationships only work when
29. 0:55two people are putting in the work from
30. 0:57all the research I've done studying
31. 0:58relationships for almost a decade now I
32. 1:01had to learn the hard way that
33. 1:02relationships demand certain things from
34. 1:04both of us love by itself with no action
35. 1:07will never be enough to save a
36. 1:09relationship think about it this way if
37. 1:10I stopped showing up to my job what
38. 1:12would happen well I'd be fired right but
39. 1:14hold on I'm confused why did I get fired
40. 1:16and you would say well Jimmy it's not
41. 1:17that complicated I mean you didn't meet
42. 1:19one of the basic requirements of keeping
43. 1:21a job which is showing up okay but what
44. 1:23if I say I love that job I would do
45. 1:24anything for that job you would still
46. 1:26say yeah but you didn't show up so
47. 1:28despite how you might feel about the job
48. 1:30it wasn't enough of a priority for you
49. 1:32to do what was required to keep it and
50. 1:34the only reason that that analogy makes
51. 1:36perfect sense in our minds but not when
52. 1:38it's applied to relationships is that
53. 1:40not enough people have reminded you your
54. 1:42relationship also requires you to show
55. 1:44up consistently or else you lose it as
56. 1:46well closeness and connection with
57. 1:48another human demands certain things
58. 1:49from both of us things like trust and
59. 1:52safety and the ability to apologize and
60. 1:54take accountability it requires things
61. 1:56like consideration and empathy and if
62. 1:58you forget everything else from this
63. 1:59video remember this you will never feel
64. 2:02close to someone else who has no
65. 2:04interest in those things and you can
66. 2:05continue to get them to try to change
67. 2:07you can keep wondering if things will be
68. 2:09better eventually you can keep dating
69. 2:11their potential but at the end of the
70. 2:13day relationships always require two
71. 2:15people putting in the work to make them
72. 2:17work and yes my advice will obviously be
73. 2:19a little bit different for people who
74. 2:20are married with kids opposed to someone
75. 2:22who is dating unless there's any abuse
76. 2:25going on if there's the presence of
77. 2:26abuse you have to leave that
78. 2:28relationship at least for a Time and get
79. 2:30safe but when it comes to people who are
80. 2:32dating listen I'm almost 40 so I have no
81. 2:34idea what the dating scene is like on
82. 2:36behalf of everyone who came before you
83. 2:38I'm really sorry if we screwed it up cuz
84. 2:40I hear it's a mess I'm just here to
85. 2:42remind you that who you choose to marry
86. 2:44is a really big deal and I don't say
87. 2:46that to scare you I say that because I
88. 2:47know it's true marriage is hard just
89. 2:50Baseline there is a reason that almost
90. 2:52half a firsttime marriages end 60% of
91. 2:54second marriages end and 70% of third
92. 2:57marriages end I'm not trying to bump you
93. 2:58out those are just the numbers
94. 3:00and all those $50,000 weddings that we
95. 3:02go to all those Newly Weds that seem so
96. 3:04in love and we're so excited and hopeful
97. 3:06for their future it's a coin flip on
98. 3:08whether or not they divorce that should
99. 3:11concern all of us and from my point of
100. 3:13view being married almost 11 years now
101. 3:14if you're dating someone who only thinks
102. 3:16about themselves refuses to take any
103. 3:18accountability when they mess up rarely
104. 3:20if ever is curious about your inner
105. 3:22world and has no interest in your
106. 3:24feelings or needs or desires or dreams
107. 3:26it's not even close it's not even a
108. 3:28discussion you have to leave that
109. 3:30relationship and you might say well
110. 3:32nobody's perfect I mean I love them and
111. 3:35I would politely say I don't care if you
112. 3:36love them or they love you love has
113. 3:38nothing to do with this they can say
114. 3:40they love you and still have no capacity
115. 3:42to carry out what that word means
116. 3:43because love means thinking about
117. 3:45someone else as much as you think about
118. 3:46yourself love is all about mutual
119. 3:50respectfulness love is considerate and
120. 3:52you can't be considerate unless you
121. 3:53actually learn about someone else and
122. 3:55get curious on how they feel loved and
123. 3:57prioritized love is about selflessly SA
124. 3:59sacrificing for someone else and we can
125. 4:01usually get one partner who selfishly
126. 4:03sacrifices that's probably you it's
127. 4:05really hard to get that other person
128. 4:06involved isn't it and I think if it's
129. 4:07true it's time for you to admit out loud
130. 4:10this relationship that I have right now
131. 4:12doesn't work for me that's important to
132. 4:14admit because too often you're not
133. 4:16honest with yourself and you're
134. 4:17certainly not honest with them because
135. 4:19the vast majority of the time you're
136. 4:21either making excuses for them or you
137. 4:23don't feel safe to be honest because it
138. 4:25would just start another fight wouldn't
139. 4:27it and it makes sense that you're
140. 4:28feeling disconnected and potentially
141. 4:30resentful and angry about this
142. 4:32relationship but that anger is telling
143. 4:33us something it's teaching us that we're
144. 4:36being mistreated or at least neglected
145. 4:38in some really important areas for us
146. 4:40the goal isn't to ignore that anger or
147. 4:42allow it to lash out on other people the
148. 4:45goal is to listen to what that anger is
149. 4:47trying to communicate to us so you need
150. 4:49to admit this relationship doesn't work
151. 4:51for me now I'm not saying that this
152. 4:53relationship is doomed absolutely it
153. 4:55could change into something better but
154. 4:58let's not forget that building a
155. 4:59Foundation of trust and intimacy and
156. 5:01emotional safety always requires two
157. 5:03people it doesn't work with just one so
158. 5:06let me ask you does your partner have
159. 5:07any interest in changing the
160. 5:09relationship for the better do they have
161. 5:10any interest in creating a relationship
162. 5:12that works not just for them but also
163. 5:14for you I'm not asking could they do
164. 5:16those things everyone could will they do
165. 5:19they have any interest in putting in
166. 5:20that work because knowing I should do
167. 5:23something and actually putting in the
168. 5:24work of doing it are two very different
169. 5:26things that have two very different
170. 5:27outcomes and for some of you I know you
171. 5:30wish it was different but they've shown
172. 5:32you over and over that they aren't
173. 5:33interested in putting in that work of
174. 5:34accountability and self-reflection and
175. 5:36learning how to prioritize you in the
176. 5:38ways that you feel it most Maya Angelou
177. 5:41says when someone shows you who they are
178. 5:43believe them the first time and you just
179. 5:45admitted that this relationship isn't
180. 5:47working for you and then you admitted
181. 5:49this relationship isn't going to change
182. 5:50so you have your answer there's only two
183. 5:53options leave or continue to feel alone
184. 5:55and disconnected in an unfulfilling
185. 5:57relationship and I get it it's so easy
186. 5:59to think yeah but maybe I could just
187. 6:00compromise a little bit more maybe I
188. 6:02could just be less needy maybe if I just
189. 6:05asked them a little bit differently they
190. 6:07would prioritize me more maybe that
191. 6:09would work but we have to remember
192. 6:10you're already bending over backwards to
193. 6:12make this work right why aren't they
194. 6:14bending why are you having to beg for
195. 6:17the bare minimum in the first place why
196. 6:19do we think that that's okay and I don't
197. 6:21know your situation but here's what I do
198. 6:23know just because you've been dating
199. 6:24someone for a while just because you're
200. 6:26invested in this relationship it has no
201. 6:29bearing on whether or not it's actually
202. 6:30healthy or set up for Success that is
203. 6:32completely determined by whether or not
204. 6:34both people are willing to do the work
205. 6:36that trust and safety and intimacy
206. 6:38demand from all of us you certainly
207. 6:39don't have to leave I'm simply telling
208. 6:41you what it takes for you not to be
209. 6:43miserable in a relationship because all
210. 6:45paths have destinations right don't
211. 6:47ignore the path of a relationship where
212. 6:49only one person is putting in the work
213. 6:50of prioritizing growth and maturity and
214. 6:53emotional intelligence because I already
215. 6:55know the destination for that and it's
216. 6:57loneliness and resentment for you
217. 6:59there's a ton of people who are married
218. 7:01with kids and it's perfectly reasonable
219. 7:02that you're saying I can't imagine what
220. 7:05leaving would do to my family I can't
221. 7:07imagine how hard that would be for me if
222. 7:09I left and if that's you I just want to
223. 7:11say I'm so sorry that you're in that
224. 7:13spot I won't pretend to know how scary
225. 7:15this is for you and I know that you just
226. 7:17want to do what's best for your family
227. 7:19and on one hand you're still hopeful
228. 7:20that things could be better right you
229. 7:22try to be optimistic but also you've
230. 7:24been burned so many times before you've
231. 7:27lost the desire to even connect with
232. 7:29them anymore more and make no mistake
233. 7:30I'm not telling you to leave unless
234. 7:32there's any abuse and you're absolutely
235. 7:34right leaving is so hard on everyone
236. 7:36even if it's the right decision and the
237. 7:39truth is people stay in unfulfilling
238. 7:40marriages every day for a variety of
239. 7:42reasons and I'm not judging any of them
240. 7:44but we're answering the question when
241. 7:46should we leave our relationship and the
242. 7:48answer for anyone is you leave when you
243. 7:50have determined that this relationship
244. 7:52hasn't led me to feeling fulfilled and
245. 7:55I'm ready to live with whatever
246. 7:56consequences come from ending it it's
247. 7:59that simple now some people don't leave
248. 8:00dysfunctional relationships because of
249. 8:02religion and like I said before I'm not
250. 8:04here to judge you either way but here's
251. 8:06what I know even if you stay that
252. 8:09doesn't mean the destination for your
253. 8:11relationship isn't still distance and
254. 8:13disconnection because your body is too
255. 8:15smart to continue giving itself to
256. 8:17someone who isn't safe you can't feel
257. 8:19connected with someone who dismisses or
258. 8:21invalidates you you won't feel close to
259. 8:23someone who disrespects you consistently
260. 8:25and that's not an argument saying that
261. 8:27you should leave I'm just saying that
262. 8:28when people mistreat you there are
263. 8:31consequences when people get complacent
264. 8:33there are consequences and one of them
265. 8:35will be you eventually pulling away and
266. 8:37feeling distant and disconnected and
267. 8:39eventually resentful and you're right no
268. 8:41relationship is perfect but I'm not
269. 8:42looking for Perfection I'm looking for
270. 8:44safe I'm looking for mutually respectful
271. 8:47I'm looking for connected no
272. 8:49relationship is perfect but you don't
273. 8:51need perfect to be happy you just need
274. 8:53to find someone who actually cares about
275. 8:55how you feel loved and valued you need
276. 8:57someone who listens when you say you're
277. 8:59upset about something instead of
278. 9:01dismissing you or telling you you're
279. 9:02making too big of a deal about it you
280. 9:04don't need perfect you just need someone
281. 9:06who you feel safe to be honest with you
282. 9:08need someone who sees you as worthy
283. 9:10enough to put in just a fraction of the
284. 9:12effort that they did when they were
285. 9:13first dating you you know when they were
286. 9:15intentional about making you feel
287. 9:16appreciated and cherished because that's
288. 9:19possible we don't need perfect we just
289. 9:21need considerate and Terry real has a
290. 9:23great quote from his book the new rules
291. 9:25of marriage where he says are enough of
292. 9:27your needs being met to grieve the ones
293. 9:29that aren't what a great question when
294. 9:31we're assessing whether to stay or go
295. 9:33are enough of your needs being met to
296. 9:35grieve the ones that aren't because we
297. 9:37all understand that no relationship is
298. 9:39going to fulfill all of our needs nor
299. 9:41should it but that doesn't mean you have
300. 9:43to settle for a partner who only gives
301. 9:45you the bare minimum and most of you
302. 9:47probably don't even know what your needs
303. 9:48are much less do you know how to
304. 9:50advocate for them so that's step one
305. 9:52learn about what I need to feel valued
306. 9:54and respected and connected in a
307. 9:55relationship step two is my partner
308. 9:57willing to fulfill enough of those needs
309. 9:59that I can grieve the ones that they
310. 10:00can't and still feel valued respected
311. 10:03and connected if so then I think it's
312. 10:05worth continuing to put in the work to
313. 10:07try to make this work if not then it's
314. 10:09time to move on or if we're going to
315. 10:11stay except the fact that we won't get
316. 10:12the relationship that we deserve here
317. 10:14but we are choosing to stay anyways
318. 10:17every relationship requires us to grieve
319. 10:18some of our needs going unmet and we can
320. 10:20still feel fulfilled in that
321. 10:22relationship but what never leads to
322. 10:24fulfillment or love is when our partner
323. 10:26has no interest in learning about or
324. 10:27satisfying any of our needs and for the
325. 10:29people who decide to leave be prepared
326. 10:31for some immature backlash it's easy to
327. 10:33blame the person who ended the
328. 10:35relationship because other people didn't
329. 10:37know what was happening inside of it so
330. 10:39they're going to say things like oh
331. 10:40that's too bad you couldn't make it work
332. 10:41but in reality you were the only one
333. 10:43keeping it alive you were the only one
334. 10:44concerned about the health of the
335. 10:46relationship you carried all the
336. 10:48emotional labor you apologized first I
337. 10:50guarantee it and nobody ever blames the
338. 10:52person who is actively depriving the
339. 10:54relationship of what it needed to
340. 10:55survive day in and day out so just
341. 10:57remember your relationship ending is not
342. 10:59a failure it is not a reflection against
343. 11:01you you are not a failure this
344. 11:02relationship taught you exactly what you
345. 11:04needed to know at this time in your life
346. 11:06your job is to not let shame and
347. 11:08judgment win and instead step back
348. 11:10self-reflect give yourself Grace and
349. 11:12compassion and ask yourself what am I
350. 11:14supposed to learn in all this for some
351. 11:16of us we needed to learn that if we're
352. 11:18honest we didn't do the best job at
353. 11:19paying attention to the red flags in the
354. 11:21beginning did we the love bombing the
355. 11:23inconsistency they were hot and then
356. 11:25they were cold and we used that as an
357. 11:27opportunity to prove our worth and value
358. 11:29to them we wanted to be liked and chosen
359. 11:32so we avoided any conflict to seem easy
360. 11:34going we didn't notice the power Dynamic
361. 11:36where they were dominating the
362. 11:38relationship and we didn't get a voice
363. 11:40we didn't really know what equality and
364. 11:41mutual respect sounded like but now that
365. 11:44we know those things we know they're
366. 11:46non-negotiables for us going forward we
367. 11:48needed to learn that being honest about
368. 11:50our feelings and boundaries and needs
369. 11:52isn't being too difficult it's not being
370. 11:53too needy it's actually extremely
371. 11:55healthy when done in a respectful
372. 11:57assertive way and the people who don't
373. 11:59want to be with us because we're aware
374. 12:01of what we need to feel valued in a
375. 12:03relationship aren't our people anyways
376. 12:06some of you need to learn that you're
377. 12:07not in control of other people's
378. 12:09emotions or reactions it's not your job
379. 12:11to do all the work to maintain
380. 12:13Connection in this relationship you
381. 12:14deserve respect and kindness and the
382. 12:16same consideration you give out to
383. 12:18others you needed to learn that it's
384. 12:19never okay for anyone to call you names
385. 12:21yell at you or silence you you need to
386. 12:24learn that you are valuable and giving
387. 12:26someone more of what they're already
388. 12:27taking for granted isn't loving it's
389. 12:30actually self-sabotage and we know that
390. 12:32now we needed to learn that when we bend
391. 12:34over backwards to keep the peace when we
392. 12:36try to walk on eggshells to predict
393. 12:38their emotions so we can avoid conflict
394. 12:40or disconnection that we're actually
395. 12:42enabling their bad behavior instead of
396. 12:44standing up for what we know we deserve
397. 12:46and if our answer is yeah but I couldn't
398. 12:48stand up for myself because it would
399. 12:49just start another fight well that was
400. 12:51another red flag that we didn't take
401. 12:53seriously enough because the people who
402. 12:55care about me actually care about my
403. 12:56feelings needs and limits they don't
404. 12:58want me feeling pressured or
405. 12:59uncomfortable they want to be a safe
406. 13:01place for me to actually be honest about
407. 13:03my feelings without punishing me for it
408. 13:05but it's my job to be honest about who
409. 13:07am I surrounding myself with because I
410. 13:09can't control other people the only
411. 13:11thing I can control is my reaction and
412. 13:13who I allow into my circle you don't owe
413. 13:16anyone your time energy or body and it's
414. 13:18my job not to react when a narcissist
415. 13:20baits me into a fight with lies or
416. 13:22accusations because they know if they
417. 13:24can get me to fight and defend myself
418. 13:25and yell back then they win because they
419. 13:28still have control it's my job to take
420. 13:30the high road and realize I'm fighting
421. 13:32with someone who has no interest in my
422. 13:33perspective and I'm fighting for someone
423. 13:36to see my worth and value who also
424. 13:38consistently demeans or belittles me and
425. 13:40this is a waste of my breath maybe you
426. 13:42needed to learn that a mature person can
427. 13:44take accountability they care about how
428. 13:46their words and actions impact you
429. 13:48loving people can say the words I'm
430. 13:50sorry and mean it enough to change any
431. 13:52hurtful Behavior immature people always
432. 13:54find a way to blame their toxic behavior
433. 13:56on you I needed to learn that we can
434. 13:58still have ult conversations about hurts
435. 14:00and feelings or needs that don't have to
436. 14:02turn into a fight every single time
437. 14:04that's actually possible for two people
438. 14:06who say they love each other to have
439. 14:07discussions and actually listen and hold
440. 14:09space for each other and validate each
441. 14:11other get curious trying to understand
442. 14:13their inner World instead of shaming it
443. 14:16that's not asking for too much it's
444. 14:17actually the bare minimum of love we
445. 14:19needed to learn that there's a reason
446. 14:20why it's so easy for us to settle into
447. 14:22these types of relationships where we
448. 14:24feel like we have to earn our love and
449. 14:25acceptance we have to work to be seen as
450. 14:27valuable it's because that's what
451. 14:29familiar to us that's what actually
452. 14:31feels safe even though it's the opposite
453. 14:33and it's up to us to heal from our past
454. 14:35trauma and see why we can so quickly
455. 14:37abandon ourselves to keep the peace and
456. 14:40the way I see it whether you stay in
457. 14:41this relationship or not let's first
458. 14:43take accountability and stop blaming
459. 14:45them and start changing into the person
460. 14:47we know we want to become because when
461. 14:49we start changing our mindsets and
462. 14:51challenging our own beliefs and start
463. 14:53setting a new standard for how we're
464. 14:55going to show up we change this
465. 14:57relationship for the better either way
466. 14:59either they become inspired by our
467. 15:00growth and maturity and as we get more
468. 15:02vulnerable and assertive and start
469. 15:04setting healthy standards with them that
470. 15:06makes the relationship better or they
471. 15:08resist our standards and they shame us
472. 15:10for these changes which actually gives
473. 15:12us the clarity that we were looking for
474. 15:14and how wide the Gap in our maturity and
475. 15:17our vision for this relationship is and
476. 15:19it makes our decision to end this
477. 15:20relationship a lot easier which
478. 15:23ultimately makes things better for us
479. 15:25right remember we're not doing any of
480. 15:26this for them we're doing this for us we
481. 15:29have to get to the place where we can
482. 15:30actually think if this relationship ends
483. 15:33I'm going to be okay I mean it would
484. 15:34hurt absolutely but I know I'll be okay
485. 15:37and I'm willing to do everything in my
486. 15:38power to save it but I'm not willing to
487. 15:40do the work of two people we're not
488. 15:42changing to manipulate them we're
489. 15:44freeing them to be whoever they want to
490. 15:46be show up however you want but we're
491. 15:48also creating a new standard in our
492. 15:50heads an Unapologetic standard for how
493. 15:52we know we deserve to be treated and
494. 15:54what qualities are simply
495. 15:55non-negotiables in our future partner
496. 15:57does that seem cold and does it seem
497. 15:59like I'm taking love out of the equation
498. 16:02yeah because love isn't going to save
499. 16:03this relationship love hasn't led to any
500. 16:05depth of intimacy or trust in this
501. 16:07relationship so far they would say they
502. 16:09love you now and yet you admitted this
503. 16:11current relationship is not sustainable
504. 16:13for you personally you need to get to
505. 16:15the point where you're okay with that so
506. 16:17let's be the bigger person let's do the
507. 16:19work let's self-reflect and take
508. 16:21accountability and apologize and grow
509. 16:22and mature and learn about the ways that
510. 16:24we've been showing up in maladaptive
511. 16:26ways that harm our partner are ourselves
512. 16:30all the times we fought back and yelled
513. 16:32all the times we were critical and let
514. 16:33our resentment get the best of us all
515. 16:35the time we were passive aggressive
516. 16:36instead of being honest all the times we
517. 16:38stood there and let them poke us until
518. 16:40we exploded we need to get honest and
519. 16:43admit I didn't know how to set any
520. 16:45healthy boundaries because I was scared
521. 16:48but that's on me and if you're saying
522. 16:49yeah but I couldn't be honest because
523. 16:51then they would just punish my
524. 16:53vulnerability it's so important that we
525. 16:55get to the spot where we need to ask
526. 16:56ourselves what do we do with people who
527. 16:59punish our vulnerability it's a very
528. 17:01important question do we ask nicer do we
529. 17:04just accept that this is the way life is
530. 17:06now do we stop being honest what do you
531. 17:08do because that will determine what type
532. 17:11of relationship you have and while I
533. 17:13don't want you having any conversations
534. 17:14that aren't safe the only way this
535. 17:16relationship has any chance at surviving
536. 17:18is if you start to be honest you would
537. 17:20have already left if you didn't have
538. 17:22hope so that tells me you want this to
539. 17:25work somehow the only way that can ever
540. 17:27happen is through resp respectful
541. 17:29vulnerable honesty and you telling them
542. 17:32this relationship doesn't work for me is
543. 17:35that hard absolutely welcome to the fork
544. 17:37in the road we either move in a
545. 17:39healthier Direction together or as
546. 17:41difficult as it is I move in a healthier
547. 17:43Direction by leaving and there's still a
548. 17:45lot of healing that needs to take place
549. 17:48but you have to come to the place where
550. 17:49you're okay if this relationship ends
551. 17:52and even more this relationship has to
552. 17:55end we can either build another
553. 17:56relationship together as a team or I
554. 17:59have to leave but either way this
555. 18:01relationship is dead this relationship
556. 18:03with all its toxicity is gone I will no
557. 18:05longer tolerate either of us showing up
558. 18:07in destructive ways that hurt each other
559. 18:09I will no longer shove my feelings down
560. 18:11because I know now that they only come
561. 18:14back out in other destructive ways I
562. 18:16will no longer make excuses for either
563. 18:18of us we're both either going to do
564. 18:20better or I'm going to do better on my
565. 18:21own I will not have a relationship where
566. 18:24someone constantly criticizes me or
567. 18:26makes fun of me or invalidates or
568. 18:27dismisses my feelings or just plain
569. 18:29ignores how I feel loved it's just not
570. 18:32going to happen I'm going to start being
571. 18:34respectfully vulnerable and honest about
572. 18:36my feelings and needs and I'm going to
573. 18:38put distance between people in my life
574. 18:40who punish me for doing that and you
575. 18:42know what I hope they change I really do
576. 18:45I hope that this is their wakeup call
577. 18:46and it starts them on a journey towards
578. 18:48healing and genuine remorse and
579. 18:50accountability I hope they get to the
580. 18:52place where they get the help they need
581. 18:53and become a safe place for you again I
582. 18:55hope you can both learn about the
583. 18:57dysfunctional ways that you were shown
584. 18:58growing up I hope you can see your part
585. 19:00whatever that was and develop a plan
586. 19:03together on how to prioritize connection
587. 19:05and safety and trust back into your
588. 19:07relationship because that was our
589. 19:09journey and so I know it's possible but
590. 19:12it only worked because both of us were
591. 19:14willing to put in the work thank you so
592. 19:16much for watching I'll continue praying
593. 19:18for you and I'll see you in the next one