How to Handle Family Who Doubt You — Transcript

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1. 0:00For the 18-year-olds whose loved ones
2. 0:02don't share their vision, how do you
3. 0:04really bring them along instead of
4. 0:06losing them for that period in your
5. 0:08life?
6. 0:09>> I
7. 0:10like
8. 0:11I think some of this is is words, which
9. 0:13are really important. Meaning, bring
10. 0:15them along versus losing them. I think
11. 0:18that catastrophizes the reality of the
12. 0:20situation.
13. 0:21Fundamentally, they will disagree with
14. 0:22the actions that you're taking. I think
15. 0:23that if you are still polite and still
16. 0:25respectful, um and then you choose to
17. 0:27live your own life because you're an
18. 0:28adult, I think that you will also gain
19. 0:30some respect from them for at least
20. 0:31pursuing your own path rather than
21. 0:33trying to do whatever they're telling
22. 0:34you to do. Um and so
23. 0:38you will bring them along. You don't
24. 0:40need to say, "Fuck you for not believing
25. 0:41in me." You can just say, "Hey, I'm
26. 0:43going to do this. Love your support. And
27. 0:46if you don't want to support what I'm
28. 0:47doing, please at least support me." And
29. 0:49if they don't want to at least support
30. 0:49you,
31. 0:50then maybe you have a slower and less
32. 0:53frequent communication cycle with them.
33. 0:55>> Am I doomed? I don't
34. 0:58>> You might be doomed.
35. 1:00>> [laughter]
36. 1:02>> Um
37. 1:03but basically, you got to do [ __ ] that's
38. 1:05going to get you what you want. And if
39. 1:07they disagree with you, be respectful to
40. 1:08them. If they want to disrespect you and
41. 1:11decrease the likelihood of you hitting
42. 1:12your goals, then I would say you can
43. 1:14distance for yourself for a period.
44. 1:15Distancing is again a amorphous word.
45. 1:18Just means don't contact as much, don't
46. 1:20see as much, don't respond for as long.
47. 1:22Um and then in the event that, you know,
48. 1:25once you become successful by your
49. 1:27means,
50. 1:28if that means that they're going to talk
51. 1:29to you then, you will then have to deal
52. 1:30with the fact that like they didn't want
53. 1:32to talk to you in the meantime, and
54. 1:33that's kind of tough.
55. 1:34Um and so I would encourage you to quote
56. 1:36bring them along. And I think the way
57. 1:37you do that is you just don't
58. 1:37necessarily need to talk about that
59. 1:38stuff. That's a non-therapist answer,
60. 1:41which is like, if there's 20 topics you
61. 1:42can talk about and one of them we get
62. 1:43into a fight about, just talk about the
63. 1:44other 19.
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