How to Get the Sex You Want - 14 — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00You have a lot of questions. "Please answer me!" Thousands of them. Woah!
2. 0:03Your questions are really important to me, I'm not ignoring you.
3. 0:06There are lots of ways to reach us here at
4. 0:07sexplanations - facebook, tumblr, twitter, and my own website.
5. 0:11But if you want to find out what's going on,
6. 0:13the easiest way for me is facebook -
7. 0:15and that might include a meet-up in Oahu, Hawaii this week.
8. 0:18(intro: slam and discreet cough)
9. 0:21So, let's get to this whole getting what
10. 0:22you want thing. Here's what you'll need:
11. 0:24Something to write on and something to write with.
12. 0:26Hotdog? Hamburger?
13. 0:27First separate the page into three columns.
14. 0:30Want, Will, Won't.
15. 0:37Then you wanna make sure to give it
16. 0:39a context and a date - so for this one
17. 0:41we'll put "What do we want in our sex life"
18. 0:46and the date as 7/24/13.
19. 0:52The point is to understand what you want,
20. 0:53will, and won't in terms of your sex life.
21. 0:56So the wants are your ideal situation.
22. 0:58The ambitions that you have for your sex life.
23. 1:00"I wanna orgasm","I wanna cuddle",
24. 1:01"I wanna go to the bathroom afterward!"
25. 1:02Will is like a common ground.
26. 1:04You're open to it, you'll try it out,
27. 1:06you'll participate, but it's not
28. 1:07necessarily what gets you going.
29. 1:09"I will have sex outside",
30. 1:10"I will talk dirty", "I will give hand-jobs?"
31. 1:12And won't, these are the hard limits -
32. 1:14The absolutely-nots, don't ask me again.
33. 1:16"I won't cheat." "I won't kiss on the mouth",
34. 1:18"I won't bare-back".
35. 1:19For example: this is one that Nick and I
36. 1:21have created based on having 30 items
37. 1:24per list in the want, will and won't.
38. 1:27We actually did this for getting ready to film
39. 1:30together where he made a want will won't list
40. 1:32and I made a want will won't list for
41. 1:33Sexplanations, and it seems to have worked really well!
42. 1:3630 items per column may sound like a lot
43. 1:38but the reason why is because it gives you
44. 1:40a huge opportunity to learn so much more about sexuality.
45. 1:43I don't know what sexual tourism is.
46. 1:46Glory holes? 68?
47. 1:48And I would encourage you if you're gonna
48. 1:49make your own list not to use these or these,
49. 1:54but to come up with your own.
50. 1:55Start searching in your mind for what might
51. 1:57be out there that you definitely don't wanna
52. 1:59do sexually, that you might be willing to do,
53. 2:01and that you really want sexually.
54. 2:03Having sex for the first time: Want privacy.
55. 2:05Will moan. Won't proceed if it hurts.
56. 2:07Choosing a partner: Want funny. Will snore. Won't hurt animals.
57. 2:11Contraception: Want STI protection,
58. 2:13will use more than one method, won't get shots.
59. 2:16BDSM: Want fireplay, will scrach, won't cane.
60. 2:20Opening the relationship: want compersion,
61. 2:22will participate, won't include siblings.
62. 2:24What does compersion mean?
63. 2:25It's when you derive pleasure from your
64. 2:26partner being pleasured - like the opposite of jealousy!
65. 2:28You can make a want will won't list for just about anything.
66. 2:31College: want mountains, will move, won't pay tuition.
67. 2:34Picking out your next cell phone:
68. 2:35want a touch-screen, will pay for apps, won't sign a contract.
69. 2:38Heck, even getting an apartment!
70. 2:39What kind of dog do you wanna adopt?
71. 2:41Which youtuber to spend your time obsessing over!
72. 2:44All right, so you've got your lists.
73. 2:45The second task is to operationalize.
74. 2:48This means putting your wants, wills, and won'ts into measurable terms.
75. 2:51You're really trying to break down the meaning
76. 2:52so that all parties understand the terms of the terms.
77. 2:54Wanting to give head ends up being
78. 2:56'with my partner, twice a week, except when I'm sick or tired.'
79. 3:01Then, you've got these lists -
80. 3:02parties, parties, parties - and you're gonna
81. 3:04compare them to see where your wants and wills
82. 3:06and won'ts may or may not overlap.
83. 3:08Take for example these two lists!
84. 3:10They have been created separately so maybe
85. 3:11there aren't items on the wants and wills that overlap.
86. 3:14But it's easy enough to take a highlighter.
87. 3:16Kaylee can grab ahold of Simon's list
88. 3:18and mark off which she is also wanting.
89. 3:20And Simon can take his highlighter and
90. 3:22Kaylee's list and mark off things that he is willing to do!
91. 3:25Let's say the lists don't match up.
92. 3:27Like an Enara and Shepard Book. It's OK to not be in the relationship.
93. 3:32Or to change the dynamic from lovers to friends.
94. 3:34The point is to focus on the first two columns.
95. 3:36I love want will won't lists.
96. 3:38This kind especially is really fun because
97. 3:41I can move this - if I don't want to have
98. 3:43a menagé a trois any more, I'm not willing to do it, I can move it!
99. 3:47And it's on the won't list, then it stays
100. 3:49there until I let you know that I'll move it this way.
101. 3:53Want will won't lists are a guide to your
102. 3:54sex life, they're not to be a formula.
103. 3:56Enjoy making your want will won't lists -
104. 3:58I'll see some of you in Hawaii.
105. 3:59Have a great week. Bye!
106. 4:01With Lindsey in Hawaii and Nick prepping for
107. 4:03Vidcon, sexplanations will be experiencing a week of abstinence
108. 4:04Keep the questions coming as we'll still be
109. 4:05interacting on Facebook, Twitter and Tumbler...
110. 4:06Peace out!
111. 4:08♪ (outro music) ♪