How to get rid of g*n violence. #standup — Transcript

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1. 0:00I don't think that you can get rid of
2. 0:01mental illness, and I don't think the
3. 0:03answer is to ban guns.
4. 0:07We need to ban schools.
5. 0:11>> [cheering]
6. 0:15[applause]
7. 0:17>> You can't shoot up a place if if it
8. 0:19doesn't exist.
9. 0:22WE'VE BEEN GOING AFTER the wrong noun.
10. 0:26>> [laughter]
11. 0:26>> And I know, you're like, "But Drew, mass
12. 0:29shootings happen in places that that
13. 0:30that that are not schools." Okay,
14. 0:33ban those places, too.
15. 0:35I'm an introvert. I I don't give a
16. 0:40From now on, you you want to go
17. 0:41somewhere, pick a background on Zoom.
18. 0:44I'm done.
19. 0:45>> [laughter]
20. 0:48>> Tired of it.
21. 0:51>> [laughter]
22. 0:52>> And you know what? I'm tired. Every time
23. 0:53there's a shooting, it's it's it's it's
24. 0:55it's a white guy. You know it's a white
25. 0:57guy. Every single time. I'm I'm sick of
26. 1:00it. Yet yet yet another career being
27. 1:02dominated by white men. I'M DONE.
28. 1:08LET'S GET SOME DIVERSITY UP IN THIS
29. 1:10PLEASE.
30. 1:12>> [laughter]
31. 1:12>> WHO IS CASTING THIS
32. 1:16LADIES, YOU NEED TO step it up.
33. 1:20It is your time right now.
34. 1:24I think you you could do it.
35. 1:26>> [laughter]
36. 1:27>> You wouldn't even need to hurt anyone.
37. 1:29You just go buy a gun, you you show up
38. 1:32to campus and sit everybody down, and
39. 1:34tell them how how they've wronged you
40. 1:36over the years.
41. 1:39And by the end of it, everybody's just
42. 1:41like, "Will will you shoot me in the
43. 1:42head, please?
44. 1:44Will you just shoot me
45. 1:46in the head? I I I I I took [cheering]
46. 1:50your I TOOK YOUR NUGGETS 4 YEARS AGO.
47. 1:52How How do you remember that?"