How to Deal With Silent Treatment - Beware of the Dangers of Silence — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00you may have seen videos telling you
2. 0:01about the benefits of silence
3. 0:03and how silence is powerful but there
4. 0:05are cases where silence can be dangerous
5. 0:07the case this video will cover is the
6. 0:09silent treatment
7. 0:11if you're struggling to get someone to
8. 0:12talk to you or even acknowledge you
9. 0:14you're experiencing the silent treatment
10. 0:17you probably experienced this
11. 0:18and gave the silent treatment to others
12. 0:20as well using the silent treatment every
13. 0:22once in a while to create some space
14. 0:24and cool off after a heated argument can
15. 0:26be fine but the silent treatment can
16. 0:28also be used for emotional abuse
17. 0:31let's go over how to spot when the
18. 0:32silent treatment is being used to
19. 0:34emotionally abuse someone
20. 0:37some people use the silent treatment
21. 0:38because they don't know what to say
22. 0:40and they want to avoid conflict at the
23. 0:41moment using it like that is fine if the
24. 0:44silence passes once the heated moment is
25. 0:46over
26. 0:47it might not be the best way to resolve
27. 0:49the conflict but it isn't abused in
28. 0:51situations like that
29. 0:53the silent treatment is considered abuse
30. 0:55when people want to give others to
31. 0:57silent treatment in order to exert power
32. 0:59over someone
33. 1:00they want to use it as a means of
34. 1:02control to put you in your place
35. 1:05when you're on the receiving end of the
36. 1:06silent treatment you might feel isolated
37. 1:09and want to do things that will put you
38. 1:10back in that person's good graces
39. 1:12your self-esteem and sense of belonging
40. 1:14drops and you feel like you have no
41. 1:16control
42. 1:17those effects are worse if someone close
43. 1:19to you is the one giving you the silent
44. 1:21treatment
45. 1:22when you get desperate and start doing
46. 1:24things to try to please the one giving
47. 1:25you the silent treatment
48. 1:27you end up perpetuating the psycho if
49. 1:30you see a good amount of these signs
50. 1:32someone is using the silent treatment as
51. 1:33a form of abuse or control
52. 1:37one the silence lasts for long periods
53. 1:39of time and it is frequent
54. 1:412. the silence only ends when they
55. 1:43decide it should end
56. 1:45they usually decide that it ends once
57. 1:46you apologize plead or given to their
58. 1:49demands
59. 1:503. they talk to other people but not you
60. 1:52they usually try to get other people on
61. 1:54their side as well
62. 1:56four they use the silence to blame you
63. 1:58or make you feel guilty
64. 2:00five you start changing your behavior to
65. 2:02avoid the silent treatment
66. 2:05before we go over how to respond to a
67. 2:07silent treatment whether it comes from a
68. 2:08place of abuse or not
69. 2:10let's go over how not to respond to it
70. 2:13don't respond in anger
71. 2:14since it will just make the situation
72. 2:16worse don't beg
73. 2:18or plead because it will only encourage
74. 2:20the other party to continue on with the
75. 2:22behavior
76. 2:23don't apologize just to end it if you
77. 2:25didn't do anything wrong
78. 2:26since it will have the same result as
79. 2:28begging or pleading
80. 2:30basically you want to avoid doing
81. 2:31anything that will make the situation
82. 2:33worse
83. 2:34or anything that signals to the other
84. 2:35party that it is acceptable to give you
85. 2:37the silent treatment
86. 2:39let's go over how to handle the silent
87. 2:41treatment if the situation isn't one of
88. 2:43abuse
89. 2:44these are the steps you should take step
90. 2:47one acknowledge that someone is giving
91. 2:48you the silent treatment
92. 2:50you want to lay the foundation so that
93. 2:52you can communicate with the other party
94. 2:53to resolve the situation
95. 2:56saying something like i notice you
96. 2:57haven't been responding to me
97. 2:59can help set up a situation where you
98. 3:01can communicate
99. 3:03step 2 make the situation about them let
100. 3:06the other party know that you notice
101. 3:07they haven't been responding
102. 3:08and you want to understand why you want
103. 3:11to let them know that you want to
104. 3:12resolve the issue
105. 3:14if you did do something wrong this is a
106. 3:15good chance for you to apologize
107. 3:18this gives the other party a chance to
108. 3:19share their feelings and can help pave
109. 3:21the way for a conversation
110. 3:22to resolve the situation step 2 b
111. 3:26this is an alternate step you can take
112. 3:28instead of the one i mentioned
113. 3:30in this step you make the situation
114. 3:32about you let the other party know that
115. 3:34the silent treatment is leaving you
116. 3:35frustrated and that it hurts
117. 3:37explain to the other party that the both
118. 3:39of you can't resolve the situation
119. 3:41by ignoring each other let the other
120. 3:43party know you are willing to talk if
121. 3:44they are willing to try to resolve the
122. 3:46situation
123. 3:48step three the other party still doesn't
124. 3:49want to talk schedule a time to resolve
125. 3:51the issue
126. 3:53maybe the other party needs some time
127. 3:54away from you or they're just not ready
128. 3:56at the moment
129. 3:58if they are not giving you the silent
130. 3:59treatment from a place of abuse
131. 4:01they should be willing to schedule a
132. 4:02time to talk things out
133. 4:04when you do get around to talking things
134. 4:06out be sure to also talk about how to
135. 4:08avoid using the silent treatment against
136. 4:10each other moving forward
137. 4:12if someone is giving you the silent
138. 4:13treatment in order to abuse or control
139. 4:15you
140. 4:16you have to stand up for yourself first
141. 4:18off
142. 4:19you want to ask yourself if you believe
143. 4:20the relationship is worth salvaging
144. 4:23if you don't believe that the other
145. 4:24party is willing to change for the
146. 4:25better
147. 4:26you should consider leaving the
148. 4:27relationship if you want to try saving
149. 4:30the relationship
150. 4:31try using the steps for dealing with the
151. 4:33silent treatment when it isn't coming
152. 4:34from a place of abuse
153. 4:36if that doesn't work you should consider
154. 4:38leaving
155. 4:40while the silent treatment is happening
156. 4:41you want to keep in contact with your
157. 4:43friends and family
158. 4:44so that you don't feel alone and they
159. 4:46can help solve your problems
160. 4:48you also might want to go to therapy to
161. 4:50help restore your self-esteem
162. 4:51and understand that you're not
163. 4:53responsible for the other party's
164. 4:54behavior
165. 4:56talking to a therapist can help you
166. 4:57recover and move on from that
167. 4:59relationship as well
168. 5:02the bottom line is that the silence
169. 5:03treatment may not be the best way of
170. 5:04solving a problem
171. 5:06but it can get the job done if the
172. 5:08silent treatment is being used in order
173. 5:09to control or abuse you
174. 5:11this video should help you better
175. 5:12navigate the situation
176. 5:15even if the sound treatment is simply
177. 5:16being used to create some distance
178. 5:18before resolving the problem this video
179. 5:20can still provide value
180. 5:24have you ever given someone the silent
181. 5:25treatment leave a comment below
182. 5:27and check out the playlist shown on the
183. 5:28end screen for videos about silence
184. 5:31if you want to learn more about silence