how to choose your life path (when you want to do it all) — Transcript

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1. 0:00In the book, The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath
2. 0:02famously quotes, "I saw my life
3. 0:04branching out before me like the green
4. 0:06fig in the story. From the tip of every
5. 0:08branch, like a fat purple fig, a
6. 0:10wonderful future beckoned and winked.
7. 0:12One fig was a husband and a happy home
8. 0:15and children and another fig was a
9. 0:17famous poet and another fig was a
10. 0:19brilliant professor and another fig was
11. 0:21E.G., the amazing director and another
12. 0:24fig was Europe and Africa and South
13. 0:26America and another fig was Constantine
14. 0:28and Socrates and Attila and a pack of
15. 0:30other lovers with queer names and
16. 0:32offbeat professions. And another fig was
17. 0:34an Olympian lady crew champion and
18. 0:36beyond and above these figs were many
19. 0:38more figs I couldn't quite make out. I
20. 0:41saw myself sitting in the crotch of this
21. 0:43fig tree starving to death just because
22. 0:45I couldn't make up my mind which of the
23. 0:46figs I would choose. I wanted each and
24. 0:48every one of them, but choosing one
25. 0:50meant losing all the rest and as I sat
26. 0:52there unable to decide, the figs began
27. 0:55to wrinkle and go black and one by one
28. 0:57they plopped to the ground at my feet. I
29. 1:00first read this in high school, it
30. 1:01resonated so deeply within my soul and
31. 1:04then I just chose a degree in
32. 1:05university, went through university, got
33. 1:07the job, did all that and now I'm two
34. 1:10years out of university and I find
35. 1:11myself back face of this fig tree.
36. 1:15There's so many different things I want
37. 1:16to do and I feel like in your 20s
38. 1:18there's a big internal debate of like
39. 1:20traveling the world, living your youth
40. 1:23to the fullest and then, you know,
41. 1:25locking in on your career and then also
42. 1:28the big question of like what do I even
43. 1:29want to do with my life? I want to be a
44. 1:32million different people and live a
45. 1:33million different lives and because of
46. 1:35that I end up living none. And to this
47. 1:37dilemma I sought to find a solution. I
48. 1:40read books and articles about how to
49. 1:42plan your life, how to pick a career,
50. 1:45how to do what you love and have
51. 1:47compiled some of my favorite findings in
52. 1:49this video. Hi, my name is Alice. If you
53. 1:50love anything wellness,
54. 1:52self-improvement, mindset, living your
55. 1:54best life, I hope you take a second and
56. 1:55hit that subscribe button. Tip number
57. 1:57one in solving this fig tree dilemma is
58. 2:00to make an Odyssey plan. This comes from
59. 2:01the book Designing Your Life by Bill
60. 2:03Burnett and Dave Evans. The idea is to
61. 2:05sit down and prototype several different
62. 2:08possible futures for you. The Odyssey
63. 2:10plan exercise suggests you prototype
64. 2:12three different possible futures over
65. 2:14the next five years. They call version
66. 2:16one the expected path. The expected path
67. 2:18is the path you are currently on. It's
68. 2:20suggesting that if you stay in your
69. 2:22current job and stick to your current
70. 2:23plan, what will your next five years
71. 2:25look like? Life number two is the
72. 2:27alternative path. So, say that your
73. 2:28current path is no longer an option.
74. 2:30What other career or lifestyle might you
75. 2:32pursue? Version three is your wild card
76. 2:34path. It challenges you to think that if
77. 2:36money and social expectations weren't a
78. 2:38concern, what would you do? After you
79. 2:40visualize and planned all three lives
80. 2:42over the next five years and wrote them
81. 2:44down on paper, assess how you really
82. 2:46feel about each life. If the version of
83. 2:48your life in the alternative path or in
84. 2:51the wild card path seem to be calling to
85. 2:53you a bit more than the path you are
86. 2:54currently on, maybe it's a sign that you
87. 2:56could pivot to a different life. But,
88. 2:57before you do this, there are several
89. 2:59things you can do to see if you actually
90. 3:01would prefer that different life. The
91. 3:02book suggests different tips like
92. 3:04talking to people that have lived that
93. 3:06life, trying small experiments like
94. 3:08shadowing someone in that desired field,
95. 3:10taking a class, or starting a side
96. 3:11project to test that interest. And also
97. 3:14to reflect and iterate. Which part of
98. 3:16that plan excites you the most? And
99. 3:17which plan aligns best with your values?
100. 3:20By prototyping your future and assessing
101. 3:22different versions of your future, you
102. 3:24can make more informed decisions, reduce
103. 3:25uncertainty, and move forward with more
104. 3:27confidence. The author quoted that if
105. 3:29you plan for nothing, you will get
106. 3:31nothing. So, say that you don't even
107. 3:32know where to start. Say you don't even
108. 3:34know what you want your plan A to be.
109. 3:36Tip number two is to try everything. In
110. 3:38the article The Parmaka Guide to Career
111. 3:40Planning, they suggest that instead of
112. 3:42planning your career, focus on
113. 3:43developing skills and pursuing
114. 3:45opportunities. For example, like when I
115. 3:46was young, I really thought I wanted to
116. 3:48be an actor. I signed up for acting
117. 3:50classes, I got an agent, I was an extra
118. 3:52in a few different TV shows, but after
119. 3:54doing that for a few years and talking
120. 3:56to many different people in the
121. 3:57industry, I realized I really value
122. 4:00security and lifestyle and personal
123. 4:02freedom and balance, which you might not
124. 4:04particularly get in the acting industry.
125. 4:06So, I completely let go of that dream,
126. 4:07but now I'm not burdened with any of the
127. 4:09what ifs or should I's because I've
128. 4:11assessed, I've pursued, and I've
129. 4:13reflected on that life. Tip number three
130. 4:15is to understand your inner yearnings.
131. 4:17There's an amazing article by Tim Urban
132. 4:20on his blog Wait But Why. The article is
133. 4:22called How to Pick a Career That
134. 4:23Actually Fits You. In the article, Tim
135. 4:26Urban suggests that you need to really
136. 4:27think about what you yearn in a career
137. 4:30and unpack it. He uses the concept of
138. 4:32the yearning octopus to help us
139. 4:33visualize and unpack our desires. So, he
140. 4:36says that we each have a yearning
141. 4:37octopus in our heads. On each tentacle
142. 4:40of this octopus is a completely
143. 4:41different yearning world, and oftentimes
144. 4:44these tentacles do not get along. The
145. 4:45first tentacle is the personal tentacle
146. 4:48that focuses on self-esteem, achieving
147. 4:51your full potential, finding meaning,
148. 4:53creating your identity. The second
149. 4:55tentacle is the social tentacle, which
150. 4:57wants power and approval and respect and
151. 5:00fame. The next is the lifestyle
152. 5:01tentacle, which wants things like
153. 5:03flexibility, freedom, balance. The next
154. 5:05we have the moral tentacle, which wants
155. 5:07reducing suffering, making an impact,
156. 5:09improving the future. And lastly, we
157. 5:11have the practical tentacle, which wants
158. 5:13things like financial security, food on
159. 5:16the table, not being in debt. You can
160. 5:18see how these tentacles might disagree
161. 5:20with each other. For example, if you
162. 5:21want to pursue a career as a doctor,
163. 5:23that might satisfy like the social
164. 5:25tentacle and the moral tentacle, but it
165. 5:28might not satisfy the lifestyle tentacle
166. 5:30or even your personal tentacle if you
167. 5:32don't really think becoming a doctor is
168. 5:34your true passion. Or the tentacle of
169. 5:36being a content creator, it might
170. 5:38satisfy the lifestyle tentacle and the
171. 5:41personal tentacle, but it might not
172. 5:43satisfy the practical or the moral
173. 5:46tentacle. The article really emphasizes
174. 5:49that we have to dig through our
175. 5:50subconscious to find out what we really
176. 5:52want. They say to think of your
177. 5:53subconscious as like the basement in
178. 5:55your house. Like it exists and it's not
179. 5:57off-limits to us. We just got to A,
180. 5:59remember that it exists, and B, actually
181. 6:02spend the time and energy going down
182. 6:04there even though it might suck. So, if
183. 6:06there's a certain career path that
184. 6:07sounds really desirable to you, unpack
185. 6:09that. Which tentacle in particular is
186. 6:11yearning for that career? If you're not
187. 6:13currently working towards a career that
188. 6:14you yearn for, reflect and figure out
189. 6:16why not. If you think it's because
190. 6:18you're afraid of failing or because you
191. 6:20won't make enough money, unpack that as
192. 6:22well. When you unpack all these little
193. 6:24thoughts and desires and fears in your
194. 6:26brain, you'll come to understand which
195. 6:27inner yearning speaks to you the most
196. 6:29and have the most influence in your
197. 6:31decisions. Once you keep unpacking and
198. 6:33reflecting and thinking, the author
199. 6:35suggests that you make an inner yearning
200. 6:37hierarchy. Rank each tail of the
201. 6:39octopus. See which ones are your
202. 6:41non-negotiable and see which ones you're
203. 6:43okay to put on the side. Ask yourself,
204. 6:45really your ranking or someone else's?
205. 6:47Is it society's? Is it your friends?
206. 6:50Once you figure out this yearning
207. 6:51hierarchy, it becomes more clear what
208. 6:53you truly prioritize and helps you
209. 6:54figure out which career might line up
210. 6:56with your true values. The next tip is
211. 6:58the 5/25 rule. I think this tip was made
212. 7:01famous by Warren Buffett, but it has
213. 7:02appeared in like three different
214. 7:03self-help books I've read. Basically,
215. 7:05this tip suggests that you write down
216. 7:07your top 25 goals in a list. This could
217. 7:09be your goals in career, your life, your
218. 7:12travels, hobbies, everything you want to
219. 7:15achieve in the near future. After that,
220. 7:16pick your top five. Circle the five most
221. 7:19important, high-priority goals that are
222. 7:21the most critical to you. And then the
223. 7:23next step is to cross out the rest.
224. 7:25Cross out the remaining 20 goals. So,
225. 7:27these are not like your second-tier
226. 7:29goals or things that you'll have in the
227. 7:31backdrop. These are the absolutely avoid
228. 7:34at all cost goals. According to Warren
229. 7:36Buffett, those goals that you've crossed
230. 7:38out should receive no attention and
231. 7:40focus until your top five goals are
232. 7:42complete. So, this thought process helps
233. 7:44me a lot at least with this whole fig
234. 7:46tree dilemma. Because like I mentioned
235. 7:47before, like I want to do a million
236. 7:49different things and I start a million
237. 7:51different projects, but I end up
238. 7:52finishing none. By having the top five
239. 7:54list and completely ignoring the rest,
240. 7:57it allows me to focus and achieve at
241. 7:59least one thing in my life that is
242. 8:01important to me. My last tip in finding
243. 8:03and living unapologetically the life you
244. 8:05want is to fail often. This may actually
245. 8:07be my favorite tip. Become failure
246. 8:09immune by failing fast and failing
247. 8:12often. And also make sure you are
248. 8:14learning from your failures. Don't think
249. 8:15of your failures as personal setbacks,
250. 8:17think of it as an opportunity to learn
251. 8:19and grow. When I was doing my yoga
252. 8:20teacher training, my roommate was like a
253. 8:22holistic healer, very spiritual, very
254. 8:24lovely, loved her so much. But one thing
255. 8:26she said to me was that the closer you
256. 8:28are to your true purpose and your true
257. 8:30meaning, the more challenges you'll
258. 8:32have, the more times you'll fail. Um and
259. 8:34it's the universe testing you to see if
260. 8:36you truly are worthy of that purpose.
261. 8:39So, that is everything for this video. I
262. 8:41will link all the books and articles
263. 8:43I've referenced down below. And if you
264. 8:45enjoyed, I hope you subscribe and I'll
265. 8:46see you next time.