How To Break Free From Beliefs That Keep You Small — Transcript

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1. 0:00So if you look at the field of human
2. 0:02development, one of the things that
3. 0:03you'll discover is that as people grow
4. 0:06and evolve, one of the things that
5. 0:08happens cognitively especially is that
6. 0:11they have the ability to start holding
7. 0:14contrary beliefs at the same time. So
8. 0:17you can see how maybe you both have free
9. 0:20will and you don't have free will. Or
10. 0:22you can see how the Republican point of
11. 0:25view is a great point of view and a
12. 0:27horrible point of view and the
13. 0:28Democratic point of view is a great
14. 0:29point of view or a horrible point of
15. 0:31view. Or that one person who thinks that
16. 0:35it's really critical to do marketing in
17. 0:39a clickbay way has some intelligence and
18. 0:41one person who feels like having high
19. 0:43integrity marketing has some
20. 0:45intelligence and that there's some
21. 0:47wisdom in both sides and that you can
22. 0:48hold them at the same time. And so what
23. 0:52that really means is that if you feel
24. 0:56like you have a belief that you can't
25. 0:58see the other side of, it's holding back
26. 0:59your freedom.
27. 1:03Somebody says, "Okay, I have this belief
28. 1:06and this belief is true and this belief
29. 1:09therefore has to be false." And that's
30. 1:11binary thinking. And that means that
31. 1:13your brain is in fear. We do binary
32. 1:15thinking when we're scared. And you'll
33. 1:17see this all the time in meetings. One
34. 1:19person will think that the decision
35. 1:21that's being made is going to cut 20
36. 1:23people out of their department and hand
37. 1:24it to somebody else's department or they
38. 1:26think that they're going to lose scope
39. 1:28or they think they're going to get a bad
40. 1:29review or they're going to think that
41. 1:31they they're not in control if they
42. 1:33allow this thing to happen. And all of a
43. 1:35sudden that meeting will go from, oh,
44. 1:38let's solve a problem together to
45. 1:42it's either this way or this way. they
46. 1:44they get in a debate and they debate as
47. 1:47as if it's like one way or the other way
48. 1:49instead of saying, "Oh, there's wisdom
49. 1:51in what you're saying, there's wisdom in
50. 1:53what I'm saying. How do we garner both
51. 1:55of those two pieces of wisdom and make a
52. 1:58better solution?" And so, you see this
53. 2:00all the time that that fear thinking.
54. 2:02And so, when you're looking at the
55. 2:03beliefs that limit you, what those
56. 2:05beliefs that are limiting you are are
57. 2:07beliefs that you are at least only
58. 2:10seeing one side of and that are personal
59. 2:12to you. I am smart. I am dumb. I am
60. 2:19uh only valuable if I accomplish
61. 2:21something. I should be farther along at
62. 2:2440 years old. All these things are
63. 2:26beliefs that limit your capacity. And
64. 2:28so, let me let me give you like a real
65. 2:30example of it. Obviously, if someone
66. 2:32says, "I'm dumb," then they're going to
67. 2:33go into a situation and they're not
68. 2:35going to learn as well if they have that
69. 2:36belief system. And that limits them.
70. 2:38That holds back their freedom. But they
71. 2:40did this study for kids who were told
72. 2:43they were smart and they said, "Okay,
73. 2:45hey kid, you're really smart. You're
74. 2:46really smart. You're really smart." And
75. 2:47then they gave them a test that it was
76. 2:48impossible for them to succeed at. They
77. 2:51were definitely going to just fall flat
78. 2:53on their face in this test. So they gave
79. 2:54it to them and then they gave them
80. 2:58another test that was almost identical
81. 2:59to it a couple days later and said,
82. 3:02"Hey, we're going to give you this test,
83. 3:04you really smart kid."
84. 3:06And what they found out was that all
85. 3:07those kids tried less because they
86. 3:10didn't want to prove that they weren't
87. 3:11smart. And so if I don't try, then it
88. 3:14doesn't prove that I'm not smart.
89. 3:16Whereas different kids who took the test
90. 3:18but were told, "Hey, we really like your
91. 3:21work ethic. We we think you're really
92. 3:23hard workers." They did better on the
93. 3:24test the second time because their
94. 3:27self-defin was different.
95. 3:29And so the any way you define yourself
96. 3:32limits you. And I know this is such a
97. 3:34weird thing to conceive of. Wait, I'm
98. 3:36supposed to have positive thoughts. Hey,
99. 3:38I'm a good person. Hey, I can do it. All
100. 3:41those things are supposed to make you go
101. 3:43further ahead. And there's some benefit
102. 3:45to them. Without a doubt, there's some
103. 3:46benefit to them. But if you're using
104. 3:48them as a pep talk, what you're saying
105. 3:50is you need a pep talk to be that. If I
106. 3:54if I tell you enough times that you're
107. 3:56good enough, then you'll act like you're
108. 3:59good enough, which is basically saying
109. 4:00you don't think you're good enough,
110. 4:02right? It's the same thing that happens
111. 4:04when somebody comes up to you and says,
112. 4:05you know, don't be sad or you can do it.
113. 4:08There's a way in which you're being made
114. 4:10small instead of, oh, I know you've got
115. 4:12this, right? That that pep talk thing is
116. 4:15also a limiting belief because it's also
117. 4:17making you smaller or shorter or not
118. 4:20enough.
119. 4:24This is incredibly uncomfortable for
120. 4:26people. And the reason that it's
121. 4:27uncomfortable because at some point you
122. 4:29have to look around and say, "Wow, I
123. 4:31can't fully believe any thought about
124. 4:32myself." So then we're like, "What am I?
125. 4:35Who am I?"
126. 4:37And this is, like I said, an very
127. 4:39uncomfortable thing because what most
128. 4:41people do with that when they first hit
129. 4:43it, when they first like get in touch
130. 4:45with that is they go despondent. Well,
131. 4:49fine then. I could do anything, I guess.
132. 4:51Why? Why do anything? Life is
133. 4:52meaningless.
134. 4:54uh like that's what's typically they do.
135. 4:57But what it actually ends up being is a
136. 4:59tremendous amount of freedom. Oh, wait a
137. 5:01second. I'm not confined by anything.
138. 5:03I'm free to do whatever I want to do. I
139. 5:06get to experiment and try and interact
140. 5:08with life in a variety of ways and see
141. 5:10what works for me in this moment. It's
142. 5:13like a an absolute crazy amount of
143. 5:15freedom.
144. 5:18But it feels like there's no ground
145. 5:20anymore. Oh, wait a second. Yeah, I'm
146. 5:22the guy who always solves the problem.
147. 5:26I'm the guy who always gets people to
148. 5:28like me. I'm the guy who's always
149. 5:30successful.
150. 5:33Well, now it's like, well, I guess
151. 5:34there's always somebody who's more
152. 5:36successful than me. And and what is
153. 5:38success anyways? And
154. 5:41all of a sudden, you're what what the
155. 5:42what the hell am I doing here?
156. 5:46And then you're actually really stuck
157. 5:48with that. You're stuck with that moment
158. 5:51of, oh, the the the
159. 5:55ground has fallen out from underneath
160. 5:56me.
161. 6:00I have nothing to hold on to anymore.
162. 6:02And it feels like you're falling.
163. 6:05And then you realize the ground never
164. 6:06really shows up.
165. 6:08And it's not falling. It's flying
166. 6:10because it's freedom.
167. 6:13And and that is the is the place where
168. 6:17you can go if you're willing to go
169. 6:19through
170. 6:21this knowing this place of like, oh, I
171. 6:24know. I have certainty. I know what I'm
172. 6:25supposed to be doing. And you go through
173. 6:28that into I have no idea. And you land
174. 6:32on this other side where, oh, I'm not
175. 6:33actually constrained by my beliefs
176. 6:35anymore. And what you see from that
177. 6:38place is that every belief I have about
178. 6:40myself is both true and not true.
179. 6:43Somebody can come up to me and say,
180. 6:45"Hey, Joe, you're an asshole." And I
181. 6:47can, "Yeah, absolutely. I guarantee it."
182. 6:48I just made a video telling people that
183. 6:50they had no meaning. That totally sounds
184. 6:51like an thing to do. And
185. 6:54somebody can say, "Hey, Joe, like I see
186. 6:56how much you love and care and that you
187. 6:58put your whole life into
188. 7:01um being a benefit to people." And I go,
189. 7:04"Yeah, that's totally true, too."
190. 7:07And all of a sudden there's you like
191. 7:09there's nothing that's really going to
192. 7:10trigger me. no judgment that is going to
193. 7:12be thrown at me that I'm going to
194. 7:13defend. There's nothing to defend
195. 7:15anymore. That sense of self dissolves
196. 7:19out of something very personal and
197. 7:20limited by having a series of belief
198. 7:23systems and moves into something
199. 7:25incredibly expansive and beautiful
200. 7:29and it doesn't have any definition. You
201. 7:31can't hold on to it but it's it's a bit
202. 7:35like the ocean really like and that's
203. 7:37what happens that sense of self come
204. 7:39becomes instead of like this very hard
205. 7:41rock it moves from this very hard rock
206. 7:44into this sense of an ocean and a sword
207. 7:47attacks the ocean and it's ocean doesn't
208. 7:49care
209. 7:52I you get to do whatever you want to do
210. 7:55it's this really amazing place to hang
211. 7:58out
212. 7:59and if you're limiting in your belief.
213. 8:01If you say, "No, I am dumb. I am smart.
214. 8:04I am successful."
215. 8:06Then all of a sudden, you can't do
216. 8:08everything that a notion can do. You're
217. 8:10just more of a rock.