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How to Become a RELAXED Woman — Transcript

by Jillz Guerin · 3,818 words · 563 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Growing up, I never knew a relaxed
0:01woman. Successful women, yes. Productive
0:04women, plenty. But, relaxed women, I'm
0:06not sure I've ever met a woman like
0:07that. This quote went viral on Pinterest
0:10and Instagram many years ago. And when
0:11something goes insanely viral like that,
0:14it's because it's something that so many
0:16of us resonate with. So, in this video,
0:18I'm going to tell you how to actually
0:19start becoming a relaxed woman.
0:22>> [music]
0:22>> Because a relaxed woman is not just a
0:24woman who takes a nice hot bath every
0:26now and then. It is a state of being.
0:28And so, I'm going to break everything
0:30down why so many of us are struggling
0:32with this, what's holding us back, and
0:34how to become her. And I hope that you
0:36do stick with me and watch this whole
0:38video, because learning how to operate
0:40from a relaxed state [music] is the
0:42foundation for actually enjoying your
0:45life. Hey friend, welcome back. If
0:46you're new here, my name's Jill, and I
0:47help women step into their power, tap
0:49into their divine feminine, and become
0:51their best self, live their best life.
0:53So, if that's something you want to do,
0:54you should subscribe and stick around.
0:56And if you want more from me, if you
0:57want to dive deeper into being a relaxed
0:59woman, I have my deep dive feminine
1:01energy or any of my other digital
1:03products or courses, they're all linked
1:04down below. So, what do I mean when I
1:06say being relaxed is a state of being?
1:09Most of us think of it like getting to
1:11relax, taking [music] a break, you know,
1:12something we earn after a hard day or a
1:15long week. Or we operate from stress and
1:17anxiety all year, and then we book a
1:19five-day vacation in the Bahamas so that
1:21we can relax and recover. That is the
1:24wrong approach. That's not being a
1:25relaxed woman. That's being a stressed
1:27woman who occasionally takes breaks. And
1:29let's be real, even when you give those
1:31breaks, you're probably still stressing
1:33about something or feeling anxious for
1:35some reason. But, a truly relaxed woman,
1:37on the other hand, is where relaxed is
1:39her baseline. It's the state that she
1:42operates from the majority of the time.
1:44She's relaxed while she works. She's
1:46relaxed while she's tidying up her
1:48bedroom. She's relaxed while she's
1:50driving to her appointment. She's
1:51relaxed while she watches a movie. She's
1:53relaxed while she's going about life.
1:55And that relaxed state lives inside her
1:56nervous system. That's what we want to
1:58cultivate, a relaxed way of being, not
2:01just a state that we try to escape to
2:03every now and then. Okay, so in this
2:05video, we're going to go over why you're
2:07not able to live in this relaxed state,
2:09like the most common reasons, because
2:11there's not just one thing and it can be
2:13different for different people. And what
2:14needs to shift and what we need to do to
2:16start becoming that relaxed woman. And
2:18before I get into it, something that
2:20I've always loved is making affirmation
2:22tracks and subliminals. I absolutely
2:24feel different when I listen to them and
2:25I actually made one specifically for
2:27this concept of being a relaxed woman
2:29and being in your relaxed feminine
2:31energy. And so I thought I'd share the
2:32one that I made with you just in case
2:34you want it. It's linked in the
2:35description. It's free. You can grab it
2:36if you want and listen to it as many
2:38times as you want and I hope it helps
2:39you. So, let's get into the why. You
2:41have to understand why this is happening
2:43and what's holding you back or else
2:45you're never going to get anywhere. So,
2:46here's the thing and it's actually
2:47really simple. When you can't relax,
2:50that means that your body and your
2:52subconscious mind are prioritizing
2:55something else over relaxation. Let me
2:58say that again because that is a very
2:59important part of the video, okay? No
3:01matter how much you want to relax, your
3:03body has decided that something else
3:06matters more right now. So, no matter
3:08how much time you give yourself, no
3:09matter how much free time you have, no
3:11matter how much you tell yourself to
3:13chill out and no matter how many candles
3:15you light and how many baths you take,
3:16your body is prioritizing for something
3:18else. So, the question is is what is it
3:21prioritizing? Because relaxation should
3:23be our baseline state as human beings.
3:26So, what is it prioritizing? This is
3:28different for different people, but let
3:29me walk you through the most common
3:31roots of this problem and you're
3:32probably going to recognize yourself in
3:34one or two of them. One, your body is
3:36prioritizing safety over relaxation.
3:39Your nervous system isn't here to keep
3:41you happy and relaxed. That's not its
3:43job. Its job is to keep you alive. And
3:46to do that job, your nervous system is
3:48constantly scanning for threats. And
3:50when it anticipates any sort of danger,
3:52it turns on the stress response in your
3:54body. That is what it is supposed to do.
3:57But as you probably know, sometimes our
4:00nervous systems can get a little finicky
4:02and a little extra sensitive and
4:03reactive, especially if we experienced a
4:06lot of stress or instability earlier in
4:08our life. And because our nervous system
4:10learns to be more reactive, it can start
4:12turning on that threat response when
4:14it's not even needed. It'll start
4:16anticipating danger even when there's
4:19none there. And when your nervous system
4:21senses the threat of danger,
4:24that will always
4:25>> [music]
4:26>> always take priority over relaxation.
4:30Always. You get an email from your boss
4:31and the tone is a little weird. Uh-oh, I
4:33might be in trouble. Danger. You get a
4:35bill in the mail and it's a little
4:37higher than you thought it would be.
4:38Uh-oh, I'm not safe. My finances keep
4:40falling apart. What if this keeps
4:42happening? Danger. Even if you're
4:43sitting on a beach in the Bahamas and
4:45you know that you should feel totally
4:47relaxed right now and you paid a lot of
4:49money to feel relaxed right now. But
4:51instead, your mind starts spinning about
4:53what's waiting for you when you get home
4:55or if you remember to pay that bill or
4:57whether something bad is happening while
4:59you're away. Danger. None of these are
5:01actual dangerous situations, but to a
5:04reactive nervous system, they feel like
5:06it or they feel like they could be. So,
5:09it stays on alert. And when you try to
5:11relax, your nervous system literally
5:13won't let you because to your body,
5:15staying alert is more important than
5:17being relaxed. What's the point of being
5:20relaxed if you're about to get hurt?
5:21Your body would rather have you anxious
5:23and safe than relaxed and caught off
5:25guard. Number two, your body is
5:26prioritizing feeling worthy over feeling
5:29relaxed. Almost all of us learn growing
5:31up to some extent that our worthiness as
5:34a person is tied to what we do and what
5:37we produce. That we have to be doing
5:38something, achieving something,
5:40contributing something to be a worthy
5:42individual. And if we're not worthy,
5:44then who are we? Am I still going to be
5:45loved? Am I still going to be safe? Am I
5:47still going to be important? You know,
5:49when you were a kid, if you felt like
5:50when you got straight A's, your parents
5:52loved you more, then you probably
5:54started to embody more of this belief.
5:56And if we don't unlearn that belief,
5:58that your worthiness and your value as a
6:00person is directly tied to your output
6:03and your productivity, it'll keep
6:04pushing you to always be on, always be
6:07doing something, perfectionism
6:08tendencies, never resting, never
6:10relaxing. Because feeling unworthy is an
6:13awful feeling. And we often can
6:15correlate it with feeling unloved,
6:17unwanted, and replaceable. So, your body
6:19decides proving our worth is the
6:21priority. Producing is the priority.
6:23Doing is the priority. Relaxation? That
6:26can happen another time. I don't want to
6:28be unloved. I don't want to be unwanted.
6:30I don't want to not be valuable. And so,
6:32you stay on all day, even when you're
6:34cooking dinner, you're thinking about
6:35tomorrow's to-do list. Or even when
6:37you're with your husband, you're
6:38calculating what needs to get done. Even
6:40when you're driving somewhere, you're
6:41mentally drafting emails. You can't be
6:44relaxed because your body is always
6:45pushing you towards that next thing to
6:47do to stay worthy and stay valuable. So,
6:50that state of relaxation, it never comes
6:53because there is always more that you
6:54can be doing. And so, this belief keeps
6:56you in a trap, and you will never be
6:58able to be a relaxed woman because your
7:01body is prioritizing feeling worthy,
7:03feeling loved, feeling important,
7:04feeling valuable
7:06over feeling relaxed. It doesn't think
7:08that the two
7:09can go together. Three, your body is
7:11prioritizing control over relaxation. If
7:14your body thinks that if you don't stay
7:16in control mode, aka managing every
7:19detail and staying one step ahead of
7:21everything, that life might spiral out
7:23of control and that everything's going
7:24to fall apart, well, then why would your
7:26body relax? Your body is prioritizing
7:29being in control and being on top of
7:31everything instead of relaxation. But
7:33when you look at a relaxed woman, I want
7:35you to think about it. What's [music]
7:36actually different about her? It's not
7:39just that she She up a little early
7:41every day to take it slow in the
7:42morning. What's really different about a
7:44relaxed woman, the core of it, is that
7:47she trusts life. She trusts that things
7:50are going to work out. She trusts
7:51herself to handle whatever comes. She
7:53trusts that even if something
7:54inconvenient happens, or the plans
7:56change, or if life throws a curveball,
7:58she will be okay. You can only drop your
8:00grip on control if you have trust. Think
8:02about it. It's like when you're in a
8:03relationship with a man who you do not
8:05trust. You don't trust that they're
8:07going to do what they say. You don't
8:09trust that they're going to be able to
8:11what comes. What happens? You start to
8:13become controlling. Same with life. If
8:15you don't trust life, you'll step into
8:18control mode. And when control becomes
8:20the priority, relaxation never happens.
8:23So, these are the three big deeper
8:25reasons that I found that will block you
8:27from ever being a relaxed woman. Either
8:30when she doesn't trust that she's safe,
8:31so she stays on alert. She doesn't trust
8:33that she's worthy without producing, so
8:35she's constantly in doing mode, even if
8:37not physically, it's happening mentally.
8:39Or she doesn't trust life and the flow
8:41of life, so she controls everything. And
8:43it doesn't matter how much free time you
8:45have. If you struggle with one of these
8:47or all of these, your baseline state
8:50won't be relaxed. You know, about two or
8:51three years ago, I started outsourcing a
8:53bit more, and I started buying back my
8:55time. And when I did, when I got more of
8:58my time back, and I had so much more
9:00time to chill, it didn't automatically
9:03make me more chill and relaxed. Because
9:06no matter how much time you have, until
9:07that underlying thing gets addressed,
9:09your body will put relaxation on the
9:11back burner. It is simply prioritizing
9:14for something else. Which none of these
9:16things are overnight quick fixes. You
9:18know, healing your nervous system,
9:19untangling your worth from your
9:21productivity, learning to trust life and
9:24not control everything. I realize it's
9:25not going to be an overnight fix for
9:27you. But once you get honest with
9:28yourself and figure out and identify
9:30what your body is prioritizing for
9:32instead, you can start actively working
9:33on that, rather than just trying to like
9:36book yourself a massage here and then
9:38and hope that makes you feel better. I
9:39just want you to think about that.
9:40Relaxation is actually your natural
9:43state. It just gets blocked when your
9:46body decides that something else needs
9:47your attention more. Now, those are the
9:49deeper blocks, but beyond those there's
9:50a lot more that goes into being a
9:52relaxed woman and things that you can
9:54kind of start doing today. So, let's get
9:56into those. The first thing is to slow
9:58down and stop the rush. To be a relaxed
10:00woman, it comes from the right mindset.
10:02Yes, that's very important, but what I
10:04think a lot of people underestimate and
10:06don't realize is that the mind is
10:09constantly taking cues from the body.
10:11Like you have to understand here, your
10:13nervous system is constantly scanning
10:16two things at all times. What's
10:17happening outside in your environment,
10:20right? And also what's happening inside
10:23your body. And it uses your body as one
10:25of the most reliable signals as what's
10:27actually going on. If your body is
10:29moving calmly, your muscles are relaxed,
10:32your nervous system assumes that
10:34everything is probably fine. If your
10:35body is rushing and tense, you know,
10:38quick stressful movements, breathing
10:39really shallow breaths, even if it
10:41doesn't see that there's anything in
10:43your environment that's dangerous, the
10:44nervous system figures, "Ah, something
10:46must be wrong." Even if nothing actually
10:48is. Even if your nervous system is
10:50scanning the environment around you and
10:52doesn't notice anything wrong, it
10:53doesn't pick up on any threats. If your
10:55body is tense like that, it'll assume
10:58that I must be missing something in the
10:59environment because why else is the body
11:01reacting like this? Your body is the
11:03most valuable data your nervous system
11:05uses to determine its state. So, my
11:08point is that that physical body
11:09tension, that frantic energy, the
11:12clenched muscles, the hurrying, that
11:14will keep your nervous system on alert
11:16mode, on stress mode. So, if you want to
11:18feel like a more relaxed woman, like at
11:20the nervous system level, at the soul
11:22level, start with the body. This is the
11:25easiest thing to do because it is purely
11:27physical. And once you start really
11:28paying attention, you'll notice that
11:30most of us are tense and rushing around
11:33for no reason. We're running up and down
11:34the stairs. We're washing the dishes as
11:36fast as we can. We're eating standing
11:38up. We're replying to work emails with
11:40our jaws completely clenched. We're
11:42driving with our shoulders all tight.
11:44None of that is required. And our
11:46nervous system is picking that up. It's
11:48reading it and going, "Oh my gosh, I
11:50need to prioritize for safety because
11:52something must be happening. Relaxation?
11:55No, I'm not going to let that happen
11:56right now." If you ever look at a
11:58relaxed woman, you'll see this in how
12:00she moves. Her muscles are just a little
12:02bit more relaxed. She's looser. You'll
12:04see her hips flow a little bit more when
12:06she walks. She's not rushing from one
12:08thing to the next. Her body is relaxed,
12:11and you can feel this in her aura, too.
12:13So, start with the body first. Relax
12:16your muscles. Unclench your jaw. Relax
12:18your shoulders. Let your hips move when
12:20you walk. Stop rushing to and from
12:23everything. [clears throat] Stop rushing
12:24through every single task that you have
12:26to do today. You are not running out of
12:28time. You can relax. Next is that a
12:30relaxed woman actually builds rest and
12:33spaciousness and breaks into her life.
12:35If you're running at 120% capacity every
12:39single day, then how do you think your
12:41nervous system's going to feel? Women
12:42who are naturally relaxed do not
12:44overload their plate. They don't
12:46overcommit to way too much. They're not
12:48afraid to delegate when they could use
12:49the help. And basically, they've built
12:51room into their life for decompression
12:54and not just constant productivity. Now,
12:56I'm not a religious person, but
12:57something that I do really love is that
12:59a lot of religions actually have a
13:02built-in day of rest. Christians have
13:04Sundays as their day of rest, and I
13:06believe the Jewish religion has Sabbath,
13:08which is like Friday night to Saturday
13:10night as their day of rest. Different
13:12forms of this exist in different
13:14religions and different traditions all
13:16over the world. I think there's
13:17something really wise about that that
13:19we've lost. You know, it's not, "Oh, you
13:22can rest once you've done this, once
13:24you're feeling burnt out. You can rest
13:26only once you've done enough. They built
13:28rest into the week, into their life.
13:30It's part of the rhythm of their life.
13:33It's just how they operate. And I think
13:35that that difference is key. A relaxed
13:37woman doesn't just rest to recover. She
13:40rests because
13:41it's part of who she is.
13:43>> [music]
13:43>> It's part of her natural state. Here's
13:45the thing, taking breaks does not just
13:47all of a sudden create a relaxed life.
13:49But they do support it. You have to be
13:51intentional about building a life that
13:53has space and rest woven into it. Not
13:57just something that you escape to. And
13:59listen, you can have everything you want
14:01in this life. The career, the family,
14:02whatever. But you can't have all of it
14:05operating at 100%
14:07all the time. Life doesn't work like
14:09that. There are seasons. And you will
14:11never be a relaxed woman if you're
14:12trying to do all things at max capacity
14:16all at once. Are you in a career busy
14:18season? It's okay if your social life is
14:21a little bit quieter right now. Do you
14:22have a young baby? Let your fitness be
14:24lighter and
14:26right now. Building a business? It's
14:28okay if some of the home stuff slides
14:30sometimes. Another thing relaxed women
14:32do differently is that they don't
14:33catastrophize little things and they let
14:36small things stay small. Life is going
14:38to be annoying sometimes. You know, the
14:39traffic gets bad. The flight gets
14:41delayed. Your kids spill something. Your
14:43husband forgot something. Let small
14:45things stay small. You will notice this
14:47pattern in chronically anxious and
14:50stressed women over and over again. When
14:53something happens, an inconvenience,
14:55yeah, something annoying happens, they
14:57spiral and they flip out and it becomes
14:59this huge deal. So, the traffic isn't
15:01just a little bit of traffic. It's uh,
15:03this always happens to me. This is going
15:05to ruin my entire day. Of course, today
15:07of all days I'm going to be late. Yes,
15:09it's an inconvenience, but it's not a
15:11crisis. And when you treat these little
15:12things as a crisis and you react as if
15:15it is kind of like a crisis, then again,
15:18your nervous system picks up on that,
15:20picks up on your body cues because
15:21that's what it's designed to do, and
15:23it's going to turn on fight or flight
15:25mode and keep you in stress mode. My
15:27mother, may she rest in peace, she was
15:28the most amazing mother and had many
15:30amazing qualities, but she did this. She
15:33would kind of flip out a little over the
15:35slightest inconveniences and the
15:36slightest
15:37>> [music]
15:38>> stressors. You know, everything was a
15:39big deal. And watching her live her life
15:42like that kind of taught me to do the
15:44exact opposite, because she was the most
15:47stressed woman I knew. To be a relaxed
15:49woman, you must trust the flow of life.
15:53Hiccups that happen in your life can
15:55just be hiccups and nothing more. Next
15:57time an annoying inconvenience happens,
15:59like bad traffic or whatever, something
16:01that stresses you out a little bit, but
16:03it's not a crisis. As much as you want
16:04to react and spiral, accept the
16:06annoyance for what it is and stop
16:08fighting it. The traffic is bad. Okay.
16:12The flight is delayed.
16:13Okay. I forgot to pack my favorite dress
16:16that I bought just for this vacation.
16:18Okay. If you can't change anything, then
16:20what is that stress actually doing for
16:21your life? And it's the fight that
16:24creates that spiral, the fight against
16:26the stress, the resistance to it. You
16:29don't have to like it, you don't have to
16:30be happy about it. But once you drop the
16:32fight, so does the stress. And sometimes
16:34you can just let small things be small.
16:36And lastly, there's another aspect of
16:38this that hardly ever gets talked about.
16:40So many women are blocked from living a
16:41relaxed life [music] and they get to the
16:43point where relaxation isn't even
16:46enjoyable anymore, because they've
16:48become so detached from play and
16:52pleasure and their feminine energy.
16:53Relaxation is a feel-good state.
16:56>> [music]
16:56>> It's a pleasure state. And when you
16:58become so disconnected from fun and
17:00pleasure and romanticizing your life,
17:02when you struggle to access pleasure and
17:04feel pleasure, then there will be no
17:07relaxation state. And if you've been
17:09stuck in your masculine energy for so
17:10long and really stuck in doing mode and
17:13output mode, achieving, producing,
17:15optimizing for so long, the part of you
17:18that actually feels pleasure can start
17:20to go dormant. And it's almost like a
17:22muscle. It's like you can't even really
17:24feel it anymore. You sit down to relax
17:26and you don't even know what to do with
17:27yourself. Your hobbies feel like work.
17:30Your meals are just purely functional.
17:33There's no joy in getting dressed
17:35anymore. Where did the pleasure go?
17:37>> [music]
17:37>> Where did the pleasure go in your life?
17:39This isn't a relaxation problem. It's a
17:41pleasure problem. It's a feminine energy
17:43disconnect. This is one of the biggest
17:45signs a woman has lost her connection to
17:47her feminine energy.
17:49Pleasure isn't a part of her life
17:51anymore and it isn't easily accessed.
17:53And therefore, being a relaxed woman
17:55becomes impossible. Learning how to turn
17:58on and access your feminine energy is
18:00learning how to let things feel good
18:02[music] again. And I teach all of this
18:03in my deep dive feminine energy course.
18:05It'll transform the way that you live
18:06your life and the way that you feel and
18:08it'll teach you how to be a magnetic
18:10woman again. Reconnecting to my feminine
18:11energy quite literally changed my life,
18:13my health, my relationships, my nervous
18:15system, and helped me become that
18:17relaxed woman connected to play and
18:19pleasure again. And if that's something
18:21you feel called to explore, the link for
18:22that is down below. Now, like I said,
18:24being a relaxed woman is heavily tied to
18:27the nervous system, which is not
18:28surprising. But in this video here, I
18:30break down exactly how to heal your
18:32nervous system and I promise you this
18:34video will make it make sense. It's such
18:36a big confusing topic, but this video
18:38breaks it down in a way that you've
18:39probably never heard before. So, I'll
18:41see you over there.
18:42Bye.

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