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How to Articulate Your Thoughts More Clearly Than 99% of People — Transcript

by Leila Hormozi · 2,898 words · 410 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Every time you speak, people are making
0:02a decision. Is this someone I can trust
0:04or is this someone that I tune out of?
0:05Running my company, acquisition.com,
0:07taught me this. Leadership lives or dies
0:09by your communication. If you cannot
0:12communicate like a leader, then you will
0:13never be trusted like one. So, let me
0:15show you the five behaviors that are
0:16quietly killing your executive presence
0:19and exactly what to do instead. Number
0:21one is stop overexplaining. You can have
0:24the best ideas in the room, but if you
0:26can't actually communicate them clearly,
0:28you will always follow somebody who can.
0:30And the thing is is that trust erodess
0:31with every weak behavior that you let
0:33slide. You don't need to add behaviors
0:35to be taken seriously. You actually just
0:37need to eliminate the ones that make you
0:38look weak. The most intelligent people
0:40in the room, they rarely say the most.
0:42They actually usually say the least, but
0:43every word that they say lands with
0:45people that are there. I used to be the
0:47queen of overexplaining. And and I did
0:48it for multiple reasons. One, I felt
0:50like if I didn't give people every
0:52single thing from my brain that they
0:53weren't going to understand the concept
0:54when it was actually the fact that I
0:55didn't know how to simplify concepts.
0:57The second is that I felt not sure in
0:59what I was saying. And so I talked
1:00around the thing a million ways until I
1:02finally was like, does the person
1:04understand the message? And then the
1:06third thing was that if somebody wasn't
1:07giving me the reaction that I wanted, I
1:10felt unsure, uncertain, doubtful. So I
1:12kept talking and it was out of
1:13nervousness. And so it wasn't until I
1:16got into a setting where I was leading a
1:17big team where I realized that I watched
1:19myself on a meeting and I was replaying
1:21it because I felt like I didn't get the
1:22reaction I wanted out of my team and
1:24when I watched them watching me, I was
1:26just talking in circles. At some point
1:28they tune out. They're like you're just
1:29said it six times already. Like I don't
1:31need to hear you say it again, lady.
1:32Like we already know. The second is that
1:34I didn't come off confident. So people
1:36start to check out because they're like
1:37suddenly they're like well I don't want
1:38to listen to you because you're not an
1:40expert. Because experts and people who
1:42are confident and people who know their
1:43they don't need to talk that much about
1:44the thing. They just say it and they
1:46assume that you understand. They move
1:47on. Here's the thing. If you pause and
1:50you're okay with silence, it gives
1:53people time to process and respect your
1:55words. Authority is felt when one speaks
1:58as if they're expected to be heard, not
2:01as if they're hoping to be heard. So
2:03when your communication's tight, your
2:05thinking appears sharp, even if it's
2:07imperfect. When people are trying to
2:08improve their executive presence, the
2:10first thing that I say is you have less
2:12time to talk. They're usually taking up
2:14way too much time when they're speaking.
2:15A trick that I do with my executives,
2:17for example, is that when I'm having
2:18them present in our quarterly off sites,
2:21in our meetings, often times they say,
2:23"Well, how many slides can I get?" I'm
2:24like, "It's not about how many slides
2:26you get. You get 2 minutes to talk.
2:27However many slides you want in there,
2:29great." But I try to constrain the
2:30amount of talk time they have because it
2:32will constrain them to a certain amount
2:33of time which makes them bring the
2:35message down to only the most important
2:37points because if not right is most of
2:39the time they're overexlaining and
2:41overexlaining makes them sound insecure
2:43which is why people don't listen to you
2:45in the first place or take you
2:46seriously. There's a quote by Warren
2:47Buffett that says the one easy way to
2:50become worth 50% more than you are right
2:52now is literally just to hone in on your
2:55communication skills. Number two is that
2:57we want to stop fidgeting. what you say
2:59does not matter if your body language is
3:01saying the opposite. People won't follow
3:03somebody who looks uncertain. So if your
3:05voice and your body are not aligning,
3:07people don't trust either of those
3:08things because your energy reads as
3:10nervous and uncertain. And people don't
3:12want to follow somebody who comes off
3:14nervous and uncertain. So instead,
3:16instead of being nervous and just and
3:17chewing gum like I'll do that, and
3:19playing with your hair and playing with
3:20your nails and like doing all sorts of
3:22things, instead you want to be
3:23controlled, precise, and slow. Now, why
3:26does this work? One, having a strong
3:28posture, having a strong presence,
3:30standing up straight, putting your hands
3:32together, having your shoulders back,
3:34sitting up straight, that shows that
3:36you're grounded, even if you are unsure.
3:38And it also signals to you that you're
3:40grounded. The second is that the way
3:41that you position yourself literally
3:43signals to somebody how you feel about
3:45yourself. So, think about somebody who's
3:47really confident in themselves. And then
3:49think about how they stand. Stand that
3:51way. Right? If somebody's very
3:53confident, they're standing like this.
3:54They might be using a lot of gestures.
3:56They feel open. They feel big and
3:58they're taking up a lot of space. Right?
3:59When you think about somebody who's not
4:00confident, you probably think of like
4:02more hunched over like this. They're
4:04doing some uncertain stuff. It looks
4:05fidgety and they're slouching. They
4:07don't look sure about themselves. I
4:09remember actually that I had a director
4:10of operations and she was really great
4:13at managing projects. But the moment
4:14that it got to, okay, we're going to
4:16command the team, we're going to tell
4:17the team what to do, she had the
4:19weirdest fidgeting. And so she would do
4:21two things. One, she would bite her
4:22nails when I go on the calls. She
4:24wouldn't stop biting her nails. and she
4:25would be talking her nails. And I was
4:27like, it's so such a little thing, but
4:28it makes a difference. And the second
4:30thing she would do is she would
4:31constantly be doing like this with her
4:32hair and just playing with her hair and
4:34she wouldn't ever stop fidgeting. And
4:36her fidgeting actually signaled to me
4:37that she was nervous or uncertain. And
4:39so I had a call with her and I said,
4:40"Hey, I actually think the one thing
4:42that you could do that would make the
4:43biggest difference into how you lead
4:44this team is I just need you to get some
4:46fake nails so you stop biting them." And
4:48so it was really funny because she
4:49actually went to the nail salon, got
4:50fake nails, and then she stopped biting
4:52her nails. that it actually made her
4:53look much more confident with the team
4:55because she didn't have this nervous
4:57fidget that she was doing. Think about
4:58how if you see a CEO on a stage versus,
5:01let's say, a customer support rep, how
5:03do you think they're going to show up
5:04differently? How are they going to walk?
5:06How are they going to talk? Where are
5:07they going to put their hands? How are
5:08they going to move their hands? It's
5:10like the CEO is probably going to have
5:12very intentional gestures. They're going
5:13to use their hands to tell a story.
5:15They're going to bring people into it.
5:17Whereas the customer support rep might
5:18be fidgeting. They might be talking like
5:20this. They might be going like this.
5:22They might be, you know, rubbing their
5:23arm. They might be playing with their
5:24hair. And so you have to remember what
5:26executive presence looks like. And most
5:28people have some kind of nervous fidget
5:30that they do or they ramble. And those
5:32things distract them from what they're
5:34saying. It steals their confidence and
5:36it seals attention that the audience
5:37would have on what you're saying. And
5:38now they're watching the thing that
5:39you're doing. So end of the day, we want
5:41to replace the nervous fidgets, the
5:44slouching, the weird gestures with
5:46adopting a slow, precise, and grounded
5:49posture and movement that make people
5:51instinctively trust you more. Number
5:53three is we want to stop asking for
5:55permission. You don't get appointed to
5:57be the leader. You claim leadership
5:59through behavior. If you don't step in
6:02and own something, take ownership,
6:04become a leader, somebody else might.
6:06And that person might be dumber and less
6:09qualified than you, which is the funny
6:11part. It might not be your job, but it
6:13is your responsibility to take ownership
6:15in situations. And people with a high
6:17executive presence do that
6:18automatically. I remember when I was in
6:20college and I was put on this project
6:22and there were four of us was actually
6:23out sick. I'd had the flu and so when I
6:25came in, I had this group of four of us
6:27and I was like, "Okay, the project's due
6:28in 2 weeks. Like, where are we at?" And
6:30everyone was like, "I don't know. We
6:31haven't started. We this, we that." And
6:33I was like, "What?" I was like, "Guys,
6:35we're not going to get this done." And
6:36so I realized I was like, "I need to
6:37stop waiting for them to say, "Hey, you
6:38lead this project." And I was like,
6:39"Fuck." So I got home that night. I put
6:41together the whole plan. I said, "I'm
6:43going to do this. John's going to do
6:44this. Sarah's going to do this. Here's
6:46how it's going to go. Here's the
6:47timeline. Here's what we're going to all
6:48do. We're going to meet after school
6:49tomorrow." So I came the next day. I
6:50brought them the plan. We put it all
6:52together. And guess what? I didn't ask
6:54to be the leader, but then they all
6:56started coming to me. Hey, does this
6:57look okay? Do you think I should do
6:58anything differently? What do you think
6:59I should do here? How should I do this?
7:01And suddenly I became the leader in that
7:03situation. And now I didn't wait for
7:04somebody to say, "Hey, we need a leader
7:06here." I just said, "Hey, there's no
7:07leader. Maybe I should step up and do it
7:09myself." Now, why does this work?
7:11Leaders are followed because they create
7:13certainty. If you don't create certainty
7:15in your team amongst all the chaos, it's
7:17going to be really tough for people to
7:19follow you. And that is why people like
7:21being around leaders because they make
7:22them feel safe. Now, why do they feel
7:24safe? Because they create that
7:25certainty. Now, how do they create that
7:27certainty? They don't sit there and ask,
7:29"Do I have permission to be your leader?
7:30Do I have permission to lead you here?"
7:32They just are. They take control. They
7:34take ownership. They're decisive. And
7:36that decisiveness builds momentum.
7:38Whereas indecision is what breeds doubt
7:40in people. And people want to be led by
7:42somebody who acts, not somebody who asks
7:45for permission. Number four is we want
7:47to stop avoiding hard conversations.
7:49People won't say it out loud, but they
7:51are counting every single time that you
7:53avoid doing the hard thing. It's
7:54mentally they're checking that point,
7:56right? And avoidance kills respect.
7:58Period. People won't say it to your
8:00face, but they will remember it when you
8:02avoid something. Every time that you
8:04dodge the truth, you lose respect. Every
8:06time you don't address a challenging
8:08situation, you lose respect. And so,
8:10executive presence means being the one
8:12who will say what others won't say. I
8:15remember there was a quote from Mark
8:16Zuckerberg that I actually really like
8:17and he said, "Your job as a CEO is to be
8:19a trutht teller. You have to tell the
8:21truth even if nobody else will." I would
8:22say this is the number one thing that I
8:24have to do on a continuous basis is have
8:27hard conversations. The only way I've
8:28gotten anywhere in my health, my
8:30relationships, my family, my
8:33friendships, my work life is just by
8:35having those hard conversations. For
8:36example, I remember that I had a friend
8:38and she kept telling me that she was
8:40having a hard time with her boyfriend.
8:42And she was saying like, "Oh, you know,
8:43I think he's two time me. I think he's
8:45this. I think he's that." And every time
8:46she brought it up, I realized that while
8:48she was bringing that up, she wasn't
8:50addressing the fact that she was doing
8:51some nefarious things in her
8:52relationship herself. And so, I said,
8:54"You know what? I realize I can't be
8:56friends with somebody that should talk
8:58somebody who's also not upholding their
9:00end of the bargain. And so I addressed
9:02it to her and I said like, "Hey, I don't
9:03actually think that we can keep having
9:05these conversations because you don't
9:06take any responsibility for where you're
9:07at in the relationship. And so either
9:09take the responsibility or don't talk to
9:11me about it." And I remember in that
9:12moment she was like completely shocked.
9:14And I was like, "Well, listen, if you
9:15want to talk to me about it, I'm going
9:16to have an opinion about it. But if you
9:17don't want me to have an opinion, then
9:18don't talk to me about it. And if you
9:19want me to talk to you about it, then do
9:21something about the situation." And I
9:22remember it was like the first time I
9:24broke the seal with that person
9:25specifically who had been a friend and I
9:26felt fed up with their And what I
9:28realized in that moment is I walked away
9:30having more respect for myself. It
9:31wasn't about her and about the
9:33conversation, but it's about me feeling
9:35confident in myself, having the respect
9:36for myself, that I'm the kind of person
9:38that does hard things and addresses
9:39those things. So what you want to do is
9:41you want to replace avoidance with
9:43confrontation. It's not that you just
9:45want to confront people and loosely call
9:47people out, act like an but you
9:49want to confront them with composure.
9:50And what that means is you want to be
9:52honest because when you're honest that
9:54builds trust. When you soften the truth,
9:56when you avoid the truth, you create
9:57confusion. And when you name names, you
9:59become the person to look for when you
10:01want solutions. And great leaders don't
10:03avoid discomfort. They walk towards it.
10:06Number five is stop being inconsistent.
10:09You cannot be trusted to lead others if
10:11you can't regulate yourself. If your
10:13mood dictates how you lead, you are not
10:16leading. You're just reacting to your
10:17own emotions. Executive presence is
10:19earned through emotional predictability.
10:21For example, when I was working in a gym
10:24as a personal trainer, I had a boss and
10:26and he would come in and it was like no
10:27matter what we had done, no matter how
10:29good we were doing, no matter how happy
10:31everybody was, it was like depending on
10:33whatever happened with him at home, that
10:35was going to rain hell on all of us that
10:37day. So, he would come in and it would
10:39be like, "What the are you doing? Get
10:42theing numbers up. Do this. Do" And I
10:44was like, "Oh my gosh." And it was
10:46horrible because what I realized I was
10:47like this guy has no emotional
10:48regulation and he will fail at his job
10:51because of that. It's interesting
10:52because I remember even if he understood
10:54how to tactically do the job, the fact
10:56that he would walk in and his emotions
10:58were what controlled how he acted that
11:00day, I just had no respect for him and
11:01therefore I wouldn't follow him. I
11:02wouldn't be led by him and I end up
11:04eventually leaving the situation. So
11:05what you have to do in order to maintain
11:08and increase your executive presence is
11:10replace inconsistency with
11:12predictability. Consistency creates
11:14psychological safety and people perform
11:16better when they know what to expect
11:17from you. Emotional regulation under
11:19stress is one of the rarest and most
11:21respected leadership traits. And so the
11:23higher that you climb, the more people
11:25will look to you before they look at the
11:27data. Executive presence is not about
11:29being charismatic. It's about being
11:31somebody that people trust to lead. I
11:33used to think it was about charisma and
11:34so I felt like I wasn't a good
11:35communicator cuz I wasn't super
11:36charismatic, which is probably weird to
11:37see now. So you want to cut out the weak
11:39behaviors and you want to replace them
11:41with clarity, with calmness, with
11:43conviction. And you will start to see
11:45that people will listen to you. And so
11:47at the end of the day, it's much more
11:49about what you stop doing that's making
11:51you not have executive presence than it
11:53is about what you start doing. If you
11:54want to learn more about how to be a
11:56great leader, you can check out my video
11:57on how kind leaders succeed when nice
11:59bosses fail.

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