How Gratitude Changes the Way You See Your Life — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00What if I told you that some of the
2. 0:02things that are stressing you out the
3. 0:04most right now in your life are actually
4. 0:06things that you once prayed for? You
5. 0:08have to understand your brain has a
6. 0:10terrifying ability to turn the greatest
7. 0:13blessings into things that you barely
8. 0:15notice over time. And there is a
9. 0:17four-word question that can completely
10. 0:19shift the way that you see and change
11. 0:22how you feel even in the middle of the
12. 0:24most frustrating moments. And once you
13. 0:26start asking it, you might actually
14. 0:28realize that your life is a hell of a
15. 0:31lot better than you've been allowing
16. 0:32yourself to see. And so today, I'm going
17. 0:34to give you that one question. It's four
18. 0:36words long. And it will change your
19. 0:38life. It is completely changed my
20. 0:41perspective of my life in the middle of
21. 0:44all of the [ __ ] Like when life is
22. 0:46happening and life is coming at you and
23. 0:48it's punching you in the face. And I'm
24. 0:49going to show you a couple different
25. 0:50ways that you can use this question so
26. 0:52that it can help you on your worst days
27. 0:54and your worst moments. Cool. So, let's
28. 0:56get into it. So, a few years ago, I was
29. 0:58really working on myself. I was busy.
30. 1:01Business was exploding, but it was
31. 1:03taking like a lot for me, and I wasn't
32. 1:05getting a lot of sleep. And there was
33. 1:07just also a lot of stress that I was
34. 1:09feeling every single day. And so, I did
35. 1:11something that I always thought kind of
36. 1:14sounded corny. I started a gratitude
37. 1:18practice. And I was like, if it feels
38. 1:20cringey just to be like, I started a
39. 1:22gratitude practice, right? Like, for me,
40. 1:23it does. But honestly, I can tell you
41. 1:25it's one of the most life-changing
42. 1:26things that I've ever done. And I don't
43. 1:28mean gratitude practices in like toxic
44. 1:31positivity kind of way of like acting
45. 1:34like your house is not burning down when
46. 1:36it is, but I mean it in a way to focus
47. 1:40my brain on all the things that I'm
48. 1:43grateful for that I am actually missing
49. 1:46every single day. And so you have to
50. 1:48understand as humans, we do have
51. 1:49something built into our system that's
52. 1:51called the negativity bias. It is
53. 1:53natural and humans have it in their
54. 1:57brain and their psychology. And so the
55. 2:00negativity bias, it's just really more
56. 2:02than anything else, it's a protection
57. 2:03mechanism. Our brain is always looking
58. 2:06for what's wrong. We're the ones who
59. 2:08call it negative. And so if we want to
60. 2:11not be negative, it's not going to
61. 2:14happen just naturally. It's going to
62. 2:16require you and I to be very intentional
63. 2:19to override the system of negativity
64. 2:22that is built into us for millions of
65. 2:24years for protection. Right? So, here's
66. 2:27the question. How lucky am I? That's it.
67. 2:31That's the question. It's so simple, but
68. 2:33if you really get it, it is absolutely
69. 2:35life-changing. And so, follow me through
70. 2:36here, okay? Let me show you what I mean
71. 2:38by this. Let's say that your kid is
72. 2:41having a fullblown meltdown. I am going
73. 2:44to be fully transparent with you
74. 2:46downstairs. I can hear a meltdown
75. 2:49happening while I'm recording this
76. 2:50podcast episode. I can hear it right
77. 2:52now. Okay. But let's say that your kid
78. 2:54is having a full-blown meltdown.
79. 2:56Screaming, crying, kicking, the whole
80. 2:59thing, and you've tried everything and
81. 3:01you're so close to losing it. You know
82. 3:04what I'm talking about, right? can feel
83. 3:06yourself about to do something or say
84. 3:09something that you're going to regret
85. 3:11and you're you're white knuckling your
86. 3:13way through not freaking out. And right
87. 3:15there in the middle of it, you ask
88. 3:17yourself this question, how lucky am I?
89. 3:20If you're a parent and you've been in
90. 3:22the situation, think about this. Ask
91. 3:24yourself the question, thinking about
92. 3:25your kids right now, how lucky am I? And
93. 3:27we will be right back. Hey, if you're
94. 3:30still watching this video, you're the
95. 3:32type of person who wants to learn and
96. 3:33grow and improve yourself. Do me a
97. 3:35favor, check below and see if you have
98. 3:37subscribed to this channel. If you have
99. 3:38not, do me a favor, hit that subscribe
100. 3:40button so that you and I can go on this
101. 3:42journey of self-improvement and making
102. 3:44your life better. So, if you would
103. 3:46subscribe to me, I would appreciate it.
104. 3:47And now back to the show. Now, I know
105. 3:49how it sounds. Once again, this is not
106. 3:52just positive thinking and pretending
107. 3:54that the screaming is cute. It's not not
108. 3:57acting like you don't want to freak the
109. 3:58[ __ ] out. It's a question. And here's
110. 4:01the thing about questions. Your brain
111. 4:04has to answer questions. So, what does
112. 4:07it find? Well, think about this. Your
113. 4:09your kid could be melting down in front
114. 4:11of you and you're about to freak out and
115. 4:12you go, "How lucky am I?" And then your
116. 4:15perspective changes and you look at the
117. 4:16kid. Oh my god,
118. 4:19I love this thing more than anything
119. 4:21I've ever loved in my entire life. How
120. 4:23lucky am I? My child is healthy. How
121. 4:26lucky am I? That child has lungs strong
122. 4:29enough to scream out loud. How lucky am
123. 4:31I? There are people in the world right
124. 4:33now that are struggling to have a child.
125. 4:36How lucky am I? There are people tonight
126. 4:38who would give anything to hear the
127. 4:43screaming in their own house again. How
128. 4:45lucky am I? How [ __ ] lucky are you?
129. 4:48The tantrum doesn't change. The only
130. 4:51thing that changes what you are looking
131. 4:53at in the middle of the tantrum. And I
132. 4:55use this all the time. My son has big
133. 4:57emotions. All children have big
134. 4:59emotions. And sometimes his emotions can
135. 5:01get pretty wild. And I can feel a part
136. 5:03of me wanting to ramp up and freak out
137. 5:05just like he is. But if I can remember
138. 5:08to ask myself this question, it's kind
139. 5:10of like uh the way I like to think of
140. 5:11it, it's kind of like somebody throwing
141. 5:14a bucket of ice into a pot of water
142. 5:17that's about to start boiling. It's
143. 5:19going to cool it all down. And it
144. 5:21changes my perspective. And I think to
145. 5:23myself like, "Oh my god, I am so
146. 5:26freaking lucky." I'm just being fully
147. 5:29honest with you. It has allowed me to be
148. 5:31a such a better father because I'm able
149. 5:35to support my son when he's going
150. 5:37through big emotions. Like most of us
151. 5:40are not taught how to handle or
152. 5:42understand our emotions in childhood.
153. 5:45And that's why we can struggle with them
154. 5:46while we're adults, right? And so now I
155. 5:48can have this child going through big
156. 5:50emotions and instead of me getting a big
157. 5:52emotion that is just the worst thing
158. 5:53happen in that that situation.
159. 5:56I'm ultimately teaching him how to
160. 5:58handle big emotions later on in life.
161. 6:01And so why do we need a question to see
162. 6:03something that's standing right in front
163. 6:04of us? Well, there's a a famous study
164. 6:07from 1978. There's a psychologist named
165. 6:10Philip Brickman and he looked at people
166. 6:12who had won the lottery and compared
167. 6:14them to regular people who hadn't. And
168. 6:16the lottery winners were not
169. 6:18significantly happier. And the part that
170. 6:21really gets me about this is they
171. 6:24actually got less pleasure out of
172. 6:26everyday things. Talking with a friend,
173. 6:29eating breakfast, getting a compliment
174. 6:31from somebody. And so psychologists call
175. 6:34this the hedonic adaptation. It's also
176. 6:36called like the hedonic treadmill. If
177. 6:38you've ever heard that in plain
178. 6:40language, this is basically what it
179. 6:42means. Whatever you get in life, you are
180. 6:44going to get used to it. And what that
181. 6:47means is that the things that you once
182. 6:48prayed for just become normal. That
183. 6:51house that you were so excited to move
184. 6:54in four years ago, it's just normal to
185. 6:56you now. And now you're like, I would
186. 6:57like another house. Your spouse, sorry.
187. 7:00They just kind of become normal, right?
188. 7:01Your kids, they kind of become normal.
189. 7:04Your health becomes normal. And it's all
190. 7:06like wallpaper, right? You know, if you
191. 7:07put wallpaper up, you see it for a
192. 7:08little while and then after a while, you
193. 7:10don't even notice it. Eventually, you
194. 7:11just don't even see it anymore. And it's
195. 7:13not because it's not there. It's because
196. 7:15you're not looking at it because it's
197. 7:16just normal. That's why gratitude is
198. 7:20actually important here because it's
199. 7:21actually reframing your mindset in
200. 7:24looking at the good that's already in
201. 7:25front of you, but you're just not
202. 7:27focusing on it. And so, think about how
203. 7:30crazy that actually is. The problem
204. 7:32isn't that you don't have enough to be
205. 7:33grateful for. The problem is that you
206. 7:35stopped seeing it. It just became
207. 7:38normal. And so the question, how lucky
208. 7:40am I? Is how you actually start seeing
209. 7:43the amazing things that you have in your
210. 7:45life that you've been missing for a
211. 7:46while. Okay, so let's talk about how to
212. 7:48actually use this. Okay, number one, ask
213. 7:51this question the second you start
214. 7:54feeling. And what I mean by that is the
215. 7:57first way to use this is like right in
216. 7:59the moment. like right when it hits,
217. 8:01when you're going to freak out, when
218. 8:02you're going to get scream, when you're
219. 8:03going to get angry, when shit's hitting
220. 8:04the fan, you have to understand when you
221. 8:07get triggered, your brain is already
222. 8:10asking questions and you didn't even
223. 8:12realize it. And so, usually it's
224. 8:14something like, "Why the hell is this
225. 8:15happening to me?" And like I've said
226. 8:18before many times on this podcast, your
227. 8:20brain is like cosmic Google. Whatever
228. 8:21you ask it, it's going to find the
229. 8:23answers. If so, if you ask, "Why does
230. 8:26life keep screwing me over? Why is life
231. 8:28getting so crazy?" or you know, are
232. 8:30these people judging me while my sun is
233. 8:33melting down the middle of Target? It's
234. 8:35going to pull up every single time life
235. 8:37has screwed you over or other people
236. 8:38have judged you and now you're just on a
237. 8:41downward spiral. So, if that's the case,
238. 8:43let's just change the question. Let's
239. 8:45change the search. You know, let's say
240. 8:48that you're stuck in traffic, right?
241. 8:49We'll use this example. You're late.
242. 8:52You're freaking out. You're gripping the
243. 8:53steering wheel. You're yelling at the
244. 8:55guy who just cut you off. And then you
245. 8:58take a second. and you realize you're
246. 8:59starting to freak out and you just go,
247. 9:01[sighs]
248. 9:02"How lucky am I?" You know what? Like, I
249. 9:05have a car. I just saw a guy walking
250. 9:06down the street. I just saw somebody at
251. 9:08a bus stop. How lucky am I? I have a
252. 9:10car. I have somewhere to be. Like, how
253. 9:12lucky am I? I have a person who's
254. 9:14expecting me. How lucky am I? I'm
255. 9:16sitting in a comfortable seat.
256. 9:19How lucky am I? I'm listening to this
257. 9:20amazing podcast. Wink. How lucky am I? I
258. 9:25might be late, but at least I get a
259. 9:27moment of relaxation while driving. How
260. 9:30lucky am I? You've probably been wanting
261. 9:32some alone time recently. This is the
262. 9:34universe giving you more alone time. Ah,
263. 9:37okay. You see how it just it's the same
264. 9:39traffic. It's a completely different
265. 9:41drive though. And so the key is you
266. 9:44don't have to feel grateful yet. You
267. 9:47just have to ask the question. The
268. 9:49feeling will follow the question. Make
269. 9:51sense? like but sometimes you ask it and
270. 9:55you might get not a whole lot that comes
271. 9:57up and it's because the problem is like
272. 9:59right in your face and that's when the
273. 10:01second situation of how to use this
274. 10:04actually comes in. Number two, try to
275. 10:07get yourself to look under the
276. 10:08complaint. Here's what I mean by that.
277. 10:10The second way is to look for the like
278. 10:13look at the problem and then look at
279. 10:15what's under the problem because almost
280. 10:17every complaint that you have is sitting
281. 10:19on top of something that you once
282. 10:20wanted, right? So let's say for instance
283. 10:23you've got an employee who drops the
284. 10:25ball and now you're up at 11:00 at night
285. 10:27fixing their mistake. It's frustrating,
286. 10:30right? Like I've been there. I get it.
287. 10:31Then you ask yourself, how lucky am I?
288. 10:34Well, I have a business. How lucky am I?
289. 10:37I have a business that's big enough that
290. 10:39it needs other people. How lucky am I?
291. 10:41My business, this business feeds my
292. 10:44family. How lucky am I? This business
293. 10:47feeds other families. How lucky am I?
294. 10:50This business allows me to travel. How
295. 10:53lucky am I? There was a time when you
296. 10:55were struggling just to get that
297. 10:56business off the ground. You get it?
298. 10:58Where you would have given anything to
299. 11:01be in the exact moment that you
300. 11:03currently are to have the problem that
301. 11:05you currently have. Do you remember that
302. 11:07version of you? The one who is praying
303. 11:09for the exact thing that you're
304. 11:10complaining about right now? What a
305. 11:12privilege to be stressed out about
306. 11:15something that you once prayed for? Like
307. 11:16most people have forgotten about that
308. 11:18person that we once were that was
309. 11:20looking for what we currently have, that
310. 11:21was praying for what we currently have.
311. 11:22Like I remember back in 2015 when I was
312. 11:26sitting in Zilker Park in Austin, Texas,
313. 11:28and I was struggling and journaling how
314. 11:30in the hell can I get [clears throat] my
315. 11:32business to $10,000 a month? Like I
316. 11:34couldn't figure it out. It was like a
317. 11:35puzzle that didn't make any sense and I
318. 11:37was struggling and struggling and
319. 11:39struggling. Today, we've done over $20
320. 11:42million in sales in the past 5 years.
321. 11:45Whoa. And I'm not saying that's to brag.
322. 11:46I'm like, that's just two completely
323. 11:47different realities. So, do I get
324. 11:49stressed out sometimes? Absolutely. I'm
325. 11:51a human. But what a blessing it is to be
326. 11:54stressed out about something that I
327. 11:55prayed for years ago. What a blessing to
328. 11:58be stressed out about something that has
329. 12:00given me the most incredible life. What
330. 12:04a blessing to be stressed out about
331. 12:05something that will give my children an
332. 12:07incredible life. What a [ __ ]
333. 12:09blessing. Every complaint is almost
334. 12:12always standing on top of a blessing.
335. 12:15You just have to get yourself to look
336. 12:16for it. Okay, but now let's go to the
337. 12:19next. What about when you're so
338. 12:21frustrated that you can't see the
339. 12:23blessing at all? When you're so deep in
340. 12:25it that looking around doesn't even
341. 12:28actually work. Well, let's take it away
342. 12:32from you then. Okay. Number three,
343. 12:34subtract it. You ready? The third way is
344. 12:36to remove that thing completely from
345. 12:38your life in your head. There was a
346. 12:40study that was done in 2008 by a team of
347. 12:42researchers and they found that when
348. 12:45they had people think about something
349. 12:46good in their life and that like for
350. 12:48instance like meeting their romantic
351. 12:50partner, they had one group write about
352. 12:53how it happened like how they met their
353. 12:55romantic partner. The other group wrote
354. 12:58about all of the ways that it could have
355. 13:01never happened, right? Like you didn't
356. 13:03go to that college, you didn't move to
357. 13:06that city, you never met that friend and
358. 13:09that friend invited you to the party.
359. 13:10You would have never gone to that party.
360. 13:12You would have never actually met that
361. 13:14person. You would have never fallen in
362. 13:16love. You would have never seen them
363. 13:17there. You've never had your children.
364. 13:20Which group do you think felt better?
365. 13:22Well, it was the group that imagined all
366. 13:24of it gone. they felt happier.
367. 13:27Researchers call this mental
368. 13:28subtraction. And so in plain language,
369. 13:31you don't appreciate something by
370. 13:33thinking about having it. You appreciate
371. 13:36it by imagining that it's gone.
372. 13:39Think about that for a second. You
373. 13:42appreciate something more when you
374. 13:43imagine it gone. Stressed out about the
375. 13:46job? Imagine it gone. Stressed out about
376. 13:49your children, imagine them gone.
377. 13:51Stressed out about your spouse, imagine
378. 13:54them gone. take away whatever it is for
379. 13:5710 seconds, the thing that you're
380. 13:59stressing out, and it turns back into
381. 14:01something that you would [ __ ] fight
382. 14:02for. Like, think about your marriage for
383. 14:04instance. Maybe it's been rocky for a
384. 14:06little bit, right? You and your spouse
385. 14:08are arguing about the dishes for the
386. 14:09fourth time this week. Subtract them,
387. 14:13right? Picture walking into your house,
388. 14:15silence. Some of you guys are like,
389. 14:17"Man, that would be amazing, right?" But
390. 14:19picture walking into your house, silent.
391. 14:21There's nobody there. There's no one to
392. 14:23argue with about the dishes because
393. 14:25there's no one to eat dinner with.
394. 14:27Imagine eating dinner alone from now on.
395. 14:30How lucky am I to have somebody to argue
396. 14:32with about the dishes? [ __ ] that kind
397. 14:35of changes the argument, doesn't it? It
398. 14:37doesn't mean that the dishes don't
399. 14:38matter. It means that you'll start to
400. 14:40recognize what you have in front of you
401. 14:41instead of forgetting about it. So now,
402. 14:44the first three that we just covered are
403. 14:46for when things are going wrong. The
404. 14:48last one, number four is the one that
405. 14:50actually changes who you are. Number
406. 14:51four is to ask the question when nothing
407. 14:55is wrong. Right? So the fourth way is to
408. 14:58ask when nothing is wrong at all. Don't
409. 15:00just search for gratitude when life gets
410. 15:02hard. Use gratitude for mental training
411. 15:06because your brain gets really good at
412. 15:07whatever it is that you practice.
413. 15:08Practice finding what's wrong. You will
414. 15:10become an expert at finding what's
415. 15:12wrong. Practice finding what you're
416. 15:14grateful for and you will start seeing
417. 15:16things to be grateful for everywhere.
418. 15:18And if you do it long enough, eventually
419. 15:21you will start finding things to be
420. 15:22grateful for without even trying. And
421. 15:25that's how you know you've truly rewired
422. 15:27your brain. And so here's what I want
423. 15:29you to do. Just sit back right now and
424. 15:31ask yourself for one quick second, how
425. 15:33lucky am I? Say it to yourself,
426. 15:37how lucky am I?
427. 15:39Things are going to start to pop up in
428. 15:41your head. Might be your job, might be
429. 15:43your children, might be your car, might
430. 15:44be your family, spouse, whatever it is,
431. 15:47your dog, cat, your perspective will
432. 15:51shift. Those things were always right
433. 15:53there, right? Your thoughts will shift,
434. 15:56your feelings will shift almost
435. 15:58immediately after that. Now, try to be
436. 16:00specific. The more specific that you can
437. 16:02be, the more that you're actually going
438. 16:03to feel it, right? I'm so grateful. How
439. 16:07lucky am I? so grateful that I had an
440. 16:10extra 20 minutes to be able to drive my
441. 16:12son to school today and to be able to
442. 16:14give him a hug before he went off to
443. 16:16school. And you get more and more
444. 16:17specific, the more you're actually going
445. 16:19to feel it because it becomes more vivid
446. 16:20in your mind. If you do that every day
447. 16:22for a month, watch what happens. So, you
448. 16:25have to understand when you're looking
449. 16:27at gratitude, grateful people aren't
450. 16:30grateful because they're lucky. They
451. 16:33feel lucky in their lives because
452. 16:36they're grateful. And so if you use
453. 16:38this, this entire question, how lucky am
454. 16:41I, can completely rewire your brain.
455. 16:43Hey, thanks so much for watching this
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