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How Gender Politics Have Changed In The Last 40 Years | Outtakes from "The Red Pill" — Transcript

by Cassie Jaye · 2,292 words · 320 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:05[Music]
0:13you've done so much in this field how do
0:19you 70 years old right yes if you can't
0:25handle your age you need to do some work
0:27in yourselves right yeah so looking back
0:31on all your years do you feel like I did
0:34all that I could and are you happy with
0:36I mean look at this you've done how many
0:39books have you published this is working
0:42on my eighth book did it seven discs off
0:46easy I mean you've done so much work in
0:47this field is there ever a point when
0:49you can say I've done enough and now I'm
0:51just gonna live or do you feel like the
0:53fight music you have to keep going well
0:56that's a good question and I feel like I
0:58have two more things that I need I first
1:01tried to say everything that I could
1:04about adult men and women that was
1:07secular in its orientation that so I did
1:10a book on the gender pay gap and what
1:12that really is about I did a book on you
1:15know on different parts of the domestic
1:18violence and male female issues
1:22historically biologically and so on and
1:24so but now I sort of ask myself how can
1:28this best be communicated I've now got
1:31all the facts out there and the way can
1:33best be communicated is but I believe by
1:36talking about boys because women have a
1:38protector instinct toward boys that they
1:40don't have toward adult men so what I
1:43would have cut where I'm at now is
1:45working on a book on boys and
1:47co-authoring that with John Gray and a
1:50joined Gray has obviously a much bigger
1:53following than I have and
1:56and a book of books on a book on boys
1:59communicates through the medium that a
2:01woman a mother can have that that taps
2:05into her protect your instinct in there
2:07and I want to know more desire and so
2:11that book is sort of saying okay I'm
2:13going to take all the things that I'm
2:15trying to communicate about adult men
2:17but I'm gonna funnel them through what's
2:20happening with your son and as a result
2:22of that I think the teachers and and and
2:25moms and dads will be able to have a lot
2:27more compassion for it in that through
2:30that funnel I'm also seeing that we need
2:33to know how crucial fathers are and I am
2:39shocked at how important fathers are
2:42when I did my original book called
2:44father and child reunion I was a stepdad
2:46and I wanted to prove that I wanted my
2:49research the research to prove to me
2:51that a stepdad was every bit as valuable
2:53as a biological dad and so it's hard to
2:57go against your biases and but the
2:59research showed that I was that you know
3:01I could be a good stepfather and be a
3:03good influence but that there was
3:05nothing as important as the biological
3:07father and the biological mother that
3:09children really seemed to have a need
3:10for their biological mom and dad I've
3:13seen this in a hundred different ways
3:15you know my one of my stepdaughters is
3:19Melissa's daughter who was adopted and
3:22she we had a rancher from New Zealand
3:24tell us a story about a bunch of ducks
3:27baby ducks that had their parents killed
3:29and the chicken raised the ducks and it
3:33was just really beautiful he said the
3:34way that chickens took over and raised a
3:36different you know it's a different
3:37species and he said one day the the
3:39Ducks were old enough to sort of wobble
3:41down the the side of his farm and they
3:45wobbled into a lake and suddenly the
3:48chicken went berserk screeching and
3:50squawking and it's just absolutely like
3:53you know you don't go it on a lake you
3:54can't swim you know because the chicken
3:56can't swim and you so like you know my
3:58children are going
3:59two legs and our adopted daughter said
4:05that's my life you're talking about I
4:08feel like a duck raised by a chicken and
4:13so I began to see how important we look
4:17to the biology within us they we look in
4:20the mirror and we see we see people who
4:24are who have noses like ours that is
4:28have hair like ours and that has body
4:30language like ours and if our mother or
4:31father are being put down or diminished
4:34we fear that no if my mother or is a
4:37liar and my father's irresponsible well
4:39I didn't I didn't I wasn't responsible
4:42about my homework I I lied about this or
4:44I cheated on a test maybe I am
4:46inherently irresponsible a liar those
4:48are the things that come through to
4:50children when they feet when they don't
4:52know their own parents they beat their
4:54parents become like straw men are strong
4:56women and the children become like
4:57strong boys and girls and so we have to
5:00understand how important and crucial the
5:03family is and among Marxist feminists
5:07the family is considered an oppressive
5:09institution and so that's that's a
5:13mistake
5:13family is the backbone of our society
5:18but I didn't appreciate that when I was
5:19younger I didn't see how I didn't see
5:22child after child after child he'll grow
5:25up without a father or without a mother
5:28have much more of a struggle
5:30academically socially psychologically
5:33then children who have
5:36an intact family as imperfect as most
5:38intact families are so my next job is to
5:42integrate that into the book on boys and
5:46then the job after that is I feel I have
5:49something very crucial to say about
5:51helping people be able to handle
5:54personal criticism without becoming
5:55defensive and I've created a system that
5:59allows people to do that
6:00and it's a really a very important
6:03system because it's a workaround to our
6:06biologically natural propensity to
6:09become defensive when we hear ourselves
6:11criticized and the reason that that's
6:13biologically natural is because
6:15historically if you got criticism they
6:17could potentially be an enemy and it's
6:19your best thing that you could do if you
6:21was an enemy that was going to attack
6:22you is to get up your defenses or even
6:25kill the enemy before the enemy killed
6:26you
6:27so we've survived based on the ability
6:29to kill people who criticized us but
6:32love is about being able to hear people
6:34who have problems with us at any given
6:36point in time and so I really feel like
6:39if I can make that contribution in my
6:41lifetime and begin to train people to do
6:44that in kindergartens and begin to train
6:47kids to be more effective in hearing
6:50each other that we will have families
6:52that won't have to choose between
6:53divorce and not divorce we'll have the
6:56real foundation of love which is to me
6:58more important than any other single
6:59thing so you have a lot of work ahead of
7:02you yeah a few years we're again amazing
7:05so thanks for telling me I look young
7:07because I'll be exhausted by the time I
7:10finish all that so you've been doing
7:14this since like gender studies in
7:17general census this is 1969 is when I
7:21started yes 69 68 is when the women's
7:23movement
7:24surfaced got its attention in Newsweek
7:26and things like that
7:27I got immediately involved and and then
7:30changed my doctoral dissertation about
7:321970-71
7:33and so
7:34and they gotta the Board of Directors I
7:36think it was 71 to 74 something like
7:38that so and so in in 40 years about 40
7:43years get your work
7:45have you seen changes I mean as far as
7:50men in society and had had have you seen
7:54the men's movement progress and it get
7:57better or it has it just been kind of
7:59stagnant I've seen good the good news is
8:03that could that women have become so
8:06much more integrated balanced the
8:09opportunities among women for women
8:11the pride of women in themselves their
8:14confidence of being a full person that
8:17has expanded way beyond anyone's
8:22imagination even I who tend to be an
8:25optimist feel like the other I was you
8:28know I was seeing how of being a
8:30political scientist and seeing how slow
8:32politics develops you know I would I
8:34would be able to get at the beginning of
8:37my involvement in a woman's movement in
8:381969-70 appointments with the head of
8:41the New York Times and talk with him
8:43about women's issues and the importance
8:45of it and and I not see the New York
8:48Times change and its coverage and to
8:51treat women seriously as opposed to just
8:53mop them within six months to a year the
8:56changes have been so rapidly at so many
8:59levels and that's been the the great
9:01blessing of both the women's movement
9:03and our response to it men have adopt
9:06adapted to a large degree so two things
9:09have happened to men men have either it
9:13used to be we talk about a battle of the
9:15sexes from a man's point of view
9:17it seems like it's not a battle of the
9:19sexes anymore it's sort of a war in
9:21which only one side has shown up and
9:23they put their heads in the sand and
9:25hope the bullets would miss so that it
9:28feels that way for example with a man in
9:30the military who's hearing about sexual
9:32harassment charges or you know false
9:35accusations of this and doesn't feel
9:37like the system can allow him a full
9:39real to process
9:42or you know of men and the man who wants
9:44involvement with his children and sees
9:45that the system is stacked against him
9:47so those and and an other group other
9:50men have just adapted sweetie tell me
9:53what you want
9:54don't complain please tell me what you
9:56want I want you to be happy what can I
9:59do to make you happy and then he tries
10:02to do usually doesn't imperfectly
10:04because were that imperfect as human
10:06beings but it is in perfect way he makes
10:09it real attempt to make that happy and
10:10they gets another complaint
10:12okay so sweetie what can I do what make
10:14you happy now and you know it accuse and
10:17submit the good news about men is that
10:19they but they've listened a fair amount
10:21they've half listen because nobody
10:23listens well and they've missed a lot
10:26and and they've you know retreated into
10:29football games and drinking and you know
10:31race cars and other things like that and
10:34they've also listened because men need
10:36women more than women need men men need
10:39women more than women need men because
10:40men the degree to which were successful
10:43is the more we repress our feelings and
10:45the more we repress our feelings the
10:47more we need someone to express our
10:49feelings do women have women friends to
10:52express their feelings to if there's a
10:53divorce they talked to their mothers and
10:56fathers to a much greater degree than
10:58men talked to their mothers and fathers
10:59about the Nitty Gritty pen they're more
11:01likely to get the children and they know
11:03that the children need them so they're
11:05more likely to survive I think commit
11:06suicide because you don't commit suicide
11:09when you feel needed and loved and
11:10wanted and so for all sorts of reasons
11:13men feel like my goodness if she leaves
11:15me I'll just all fall apart I don't know
11:18how to mow tional II support myself I
11:19won't have the children and I won't have
11:21my home I can't don't know how to talk
11:23to men friends about it I don't have to
11:24talk know how to talk to my parents
11:26about it and so you know suicide is
11:28right on the horizon for the man and and
11:31men are ten times as likely after after
11:33a divorce to commit suicide or ten times
11:36more likely than a woman should commit
11:38suicide after the death of a spouse
11:41either way 10 to 1 ratio and so that
11:44just as an example of the enormous
11:46vulnerability of men
11:48toward toward women to women's love and
11:51so anyone thinks that men have the power
11:53and doesn't know enough to incorporate
11:55though into the word power control over
11:58your life feelings about you who you are
12:00your emotional health
12:01it doesn't really understand what power
12:03is about and so or what genuine power is
12:06about so this so in this way men men
12:10have made progress in the sense that
12:12they've gone from arrogant to listening
12:15imperfectly women have made progress and
12:20that they've gone from feeling very
12:24fearful of being fully developed as
12:28people in a hundred different ways
12:30confidence wise and emotionally to being
12:34able to be much more full human beings
12:37what hasn't happened what's left out of
12:40the process is we have a big hole in the
12:44area of compassion for boys and men and
12:46and as a result of that our boys
12:49millions of them all over the
12:52industrialized world are in failure to
12:55launch mode and that's going to be
12:58harmful to the economy it's going to be
13:01harmful to those boys it's going to be
13:02said for their parents and it's going to
13:05be very disappointing for women who are
13:07looking for real equals to marry and be
13:08partners with yeah I mean absolutely as
13:12a woman you think you want men just have
13:15happy fulfilling lives because that's
13:18your life I mean and being in a
13:20partnership thing with my man like he's
13:22my life he needs to be happy um anytime
13:25you early in male-female relationships
13:28when either gender wins unilaterally
13:32than both sexes lose
13:35[Music]
13:38you
13:41[Music]

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