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HOPE 2014 Larry Crabb--The Root to Freedom from Gender Confusion is Relational Holiness — Transcript

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0:00you know it's tough when you're supposed
0:02to give a talk to be
0:05speechless I'd rather listen to that
0:07testimony for the next hour than listen
0:10to me I've heard me
0:19before when I was invited to this
0:21conference I had no idea what was going
0:22to be
0:23like it's different than I expected
0:28[Applause]
0:31I was
0:32raised on the holy
0:36duet believe in the father son I watch
0:38out for the
0:44[Laughter]
0:45[Applause]
0:50charismatics you guys believe in the
0:52Holy Spirit do you
1:01Holy Spirit open my
1:03soul to places that you haven't yet
1:05reached because I'm too stubborn to let
1:07you
1:08in and if you don't speak in me and
1:11through me I'd just rather go home and
1:14sulk but you're
1:16faithful and I'm
1:18available for your purposes in Jesus
1:21name amen
1:24am you know I have come to believe in
1:26the Holy Spirit in some new ways my
1:28younger son
1:30about 12 years ago his wife left him
1:33broke his heart he didn't tell me until
1:35later that for 6 months he kept a loaded
1:37gun by his side hoping to get the
1:38courage to blow his brains
1:41out and after his divorce which he
1:43didn't want he was very very disturbed
1:46by it obviously he said to me one day
1:47Dad I've just got enough money saved I'm
1:49going to go halfway across the
1:53world and I'm I want to spend a
1:56week and I'm looking for God and if I
1:58don't find him and way I don't know him
2:00now I'm not going to make
2:02it so I told him as his dad and my wife
2:05Rachel his mom we said we're going to
2:07pray for you every
2:08day and I said my commitment to you at
2:11the very least is going to be a lot more
2:12than this but every day I'm going to
2:14pray for you for at least 15 minutes
2:16going to devote 15 minutes a day and a
2:17whole lot more but that's my minimum
2:19commitment to you and while he was gone
2:21for 10 days actually I prayed every day
2:23for much longer than 15 minutes on a
2:25Saturday about 7 days where his 10day
2:27trip were up and I was praying I was
2:28driving from Denver where I live down in
2:30Colorado Springs to do a conference down
2:33there and I just found
2:34myself wanting to pray for Kenny I tell
2:38the story with his permission of
2:40course and have you ever have you ever
2:43gotten bored when you
2:45prayed couple of you going like
2:48this
2:50yeah well I was praying a sing song
2:52prayer dear Lord U bless Ken had the
2:55radio
2:57on didn't like the station so I changed
2:59it Lord Lord bless Ken let me see if I
3:00can find something
3:02here and after a few minutes I realized
3:04how pathetic that was so I turned the
3:06radio off and I said what is really in
3:07me what's alive in me that I want to
3:10pray and and I found myself just
3:12thinking of thinking of three
3:15songs and I began to sing these songs as
3:18prayers and the first song I sang I was
3:20in tears this morning when we saying
3:21great is th faithfulness that was my
3:22first song I was raised in a Christian
3:25home I know all 10 verses so I sang them
3:27all
3:30and my prayer was Lord may my son be
3:32able to say that you're faithful even
3:34though you could have arranged for him
3:36to never have met that particular
3:38girl and you allowed that to happen
3:41knowing what was ahead for him and
3:42knowing the Despair and the heartache
3:44and the devastation he was going to
3:45experience God what does it mean for you
3:46to be faithful I'm not sure if I know
3:48but I want to know and I want him to
3:49know that was the first song that I sang
3:51over and over again then secondly I sang
3:53that simple Little Chorus I Love You
3:54Lord youall know that I love you Lord
3:56and I you know and I sang that I said my
3:59my son be able to sing
4:01that and then I sang what has become the
4:04crab Family song It Is Well with My
4:07Soul may he be able to sing it's Well
4:09with My Soul in the middle of what's
4:11going
4:12on so I sang that for probably 45
4:15minutes I pulled a car to the side of
4:17the road I was crying so hard I couldn't
4:18drive
4:19and wiped my eyes finally and finished
4:22my songs and couple days later Kenny
4:24came back to Cleveland where he lives my
4:27wife and I flew out to be with him very
4:28quickly as you might expect and as we
4:30sat down for lunch after he just got
4:32back from his trip I said Kenny I got to
4:35tell you about a prayer experience I had
4:36last Saturday I told him what I just
4:38told you and Kenny sat up and he said
4:40when did you pray that I said it was
4:43Saturday about what time Dad oh about
4:4611:30 maybe till about 12:15 and he went
4:49oh my goodness and I said oh my goodness
4:53what and he said that was the first day
4:55that I had the
4:56courage to not occupy myself with
4:58reading or surfing or watching
5:01television and during the time you were
5:03praying I had the courage to finally go
5:05for a walk on the beach for 3
5:07hours and for three hours I couldn't
5:10stop singing three
5:14songs hound dog Jailhouse Rock and Don't
5:16Be
5:20Cruel no it was great as I faith and I
5:22said I love you
5:23Lord and Is Well with My
5:26Soul maybe there is a Holy Spirit
5:31let me give you a little
5:33um little testimony myself before I get
5:35into what I want to say and I just lost
5:36track of my time what time do I stopped
5:38tell me what time I
5:40stopped I got to look at the calendar
5:43here
5:4610 all
5:49right I became a Christian when I was
5:51eight years
5:53old it was a boys camp and about 60 of
5:56us one night were sitting around a
5:57campfire and the Flames were Rising High
5:59into the the air 20ft Flames the heat
6:01was incredible we were all at a distance
6:03the counselor got
6:04up and he said boys I want you to look
6:08into the
6:10fire so I
6:13did counselor said boys you have a
6:15choice to
6:16make either trust Jesus or burn in the
6:19fires of Hell
6:24forever that was a no-brainer
6:31so I trusted Jesus that
6:32[Applause]
6:34night I don't want to go to
6:36hell but let me tell you this I had no
6:39idea what Jesus could mean in my life
6:42all I knew was I had fire insurance it's
6:43all I
6:45knew when I got on teenage years I was
6:49struggling with a number of things
6:53pimples stuttering I was a very bad
6:56stutterer I did my doctoral dissertation
6:58on stuttering try to figure myself out
7:02that's why most folks go into psychology
7:03figure themselves
7:06out and hormones were kicking
7:08in and Christianity as I knew it was not
7:11speaking to any of my private
7:14struggles and so I abandoned
7:16Christianity when I began graduate
7:19school I wrote to my father a very
7:21strong Christian man wonderful mentor of
7:23mine and so many significant ways and I
7:24wrote to Dad and I said Dad when I was
7:26away at University of Illinois beginning
7:27of my doctoral program in clinical psych
7:29and I said I said dad I got to let you
7:30know something as of now I believe
7:32nothing and I'm open to
7:34anything he wrote back I'm sure with
7:36much prayer and he said dear Larry he
7:39said three words glad you're
7:44thinking that released me now I wasn't
7:47fighting against something I was
7:49searching for
7:53something and after 5 years of graduate
7:55school
7:57I realized psychology wasn't dealing
7:59with the core issues of
8:01life and I gave God a second chance I'm
8:04sure he was
8:12grateful I wanted something that was
8:14going to speak into the real struggles
8:16of My Life by this point I was married I
8:18married Rachel a girl that we met when
8:21we were 10 years old I couldn't begin
8:22dating her then of course she was going
8:24study with Carl and when it's true story
8:27when she broke up with Carl at age 12
8:29under the direction of the Holy Spirit
8:30I'm sure um I stepped into her life and
8:34uh we got married I have a clue what it
8:36meant to be
8:37married all I knew was that as I stood
8:39next to Rachel 48 years ago just last
8:47week I had no idea because she hadn't
8:49told me 21 years old that she had been
8:51sexually abused for four years agees 8
8:53to
8:5412 she had no idea about my struggles
8:57how inadequate I felt how stupid I felt
8:59how out of snc I felt with my
9:03community but I married her didn't know
9:05what to
9:06do her maiden name was Rachel Joy
9:10lenford when she married me she became
9:12Rachel lenford
9:15crab so I took the joy out of her life
9:18and made her a crab
9:22[Applause]
9:36but I wanted so
9:38badly to to Think Through to understand
9:41to delve into to makeing myself open to
9:43the reality of Christianity so I knew
9:45how to relate to this woman I knew how
9:47to parent my kids as they came along and
9:49I I worked really really hard at this
10:01every time I'm introduce to speak I get
10:02nervous because I've had such weird
10:03introductions in my
10:06life thank you for a non-weird
10:08introduction appreciate that one guy
10:11introduced me some time ago and said Dr
10:13Krab has a message that will not be
10:15heard until he's
10:19[Laughter]
10:27dead about four or five years years ago
10:29I was in Germany with Bill hbl's Willow
10:32Creek Church the mega Church in Chicago
10:33most of you know about that and they had
10:359,000 Germans coming to this conference
10:37and I was one of the speakers and Bill
10:39got up to introduce me and it literally
10:41went this way this is exactly what
10:42happened he said some nice things about
10:43me and then he said this he said
10:45um I want you to know that Dr Krab is a
10:49complicated
10:50man and people tend to resist what he
10:52has to
10:53say and now here's Dr crab
11:00so I got up and looked at 9,000 Germans
11:03with a translator of course and I said I
11:06stand before you as a complicated
11:08man and you sit before me prepared to
11:11resist everything I'm going to
11:14say let me tell you one of the reasons
11:16I'm glad to be here
11:18today because I don't feel complicated
11:20and you don't feel
11:22resistant because I got some things I
11:24really would like to say to you today
11:30and I trust they're from the
11:33Lord but to honor Bill hulls and give
11:36you a complicated title to this
11:39talk which will make no sense until I
11:41explain it then it'll make probably less
11:44sense if I had to give a cumbersome
11:48wordy
11:49complicated way too long title for what
11:51I want to say for the next few minutes
11:53it would be this and this is too many
11:55words I know it's a bad title
12:00the root to
12:03freedom from gender confusion is
12:05relational
12:10Holiness Our Hope for Meaningful and
12:13god-honoring sexual
12:16restoration depends on understanding
12:18what relational Holiness
12:21is and pursuing it which which requires
12:27that we understand and recognize and
12:29repent of relational
12:34sin and are drawn to the beauty of
12:36relational
12:37Holiness fully revealed in
12:43Jesus let me see if I can unpack that a
12:45little
12:50bit I turned 70 in about two
12:54weeks and anybody that has any ears at
12:57all on them whether you're 10 or 80
12:59you've gone through a lot I've gone
13:01through a lot you've gone through a
13:03lot and I'm hoping that what I'm going
13:06to be able to present for the next few
13:07minutes is going to be simple truth that
13:11survives
13:13complexity do that make
13:15sense Oliver Wendell Holmes The Great
13:18jurist once put it this way he said that
13:20um I wouldn't give a fig for Simplicity
13:25on this side of
13:27complexity but I'd give my right arm for
13:30Simplicity on the far side of
13:33complexity and what I want to present to
13:35you this morning are a couple of pretty
13:38simple thoughts that have survived
13:39complexity in my own
13:42history for 62 years now since I was say
13:45the date and I'm almost 70 for 62 years
13:47I've been a I've been forgiven by
13:51Jesus and a sometimes wavering follower
13:53of
13:54Jesus who to this day longs to more
13:57fully experience the freedom of Jesus
14:00I'm forgiven I'm a follower and Mando I
14:02want to know Freedom more than I know
14:04now and after 45 years of counseling as
14:07a wounded
14:09healer and teaching and writing as a
14:12searching
14:14thinker I've concluded very simply very
14:17obvious to all of you I'm just talking
14:19to the choir here three things about the
14:21Christian Life number one it's not
14:25easy we're wrong to pretend that Jesus
14:29makes it easy to live and relate the way
14:31we're designed to relate but he does
14:33make it
14:35desirable think about
14:39that not always easy to relate the way
14:42we're to
14:44relate let me tell you a quick little
14:46story happened about oh six months
14:49ago the only reason I'm glad my wife is
14:51not here is when I say something like
14:53six months ago I'm just making it up I
14:54have no idea but Rachel here she said
14:58that was February 3rd at 2 in the
15:00morning or
15:02something so without fear of
15:04contradiction 6 months
15:06ago Rachel and I got home from a long
15:09day and we were both tired and we both
15:11popped into our chairs after a little
15:13dinner and Rachel didn't seem to realize
15:17that I was more tired than she
15:21was normally a good wife but she
15:25didn't so I'm I'm sitting in my chair
15:27and I put the legs thing up you know and
15:30put the television on thought I'd find
15:31some rerun of Castle or something just
15:33to waste time I wanted to
15:35veg Rachel got her computer out was
15:38going to clean up her emails and so
15:39she's sitting here I'm sitting here and
15:41just when I got the chair comfortable I
15:42found a rerun of Castle I was happy
15:45Rachel to nobody in particular nobody
15:48was in the room except me but she said
15:50out loud looking forward not even toward
15:52me she said this is a silly little story
15:54but it makes a point true story too she
15:57said um
16:00oh I left my iced tea in the
16:02[Laughter]
16:10kitchen I'm a trained
16:14psychologist I could pick up her
16:17intent and as silly as this sounds it's
16:19true at that moment I could feel the
16:21flesh Spirit struggle going on within me
16:23between relational Holiness and
16:25relational
16:26sin because I could sense one part of me
16:29saying I'm going to hold her accountable
16:31she forgot
16:33it that's my Ministry to my
16:36wife the other side of me husbands love
16:39your wives as Christ loved the church he
16:41went to the cross and died for me maybe
16:42I could get out of my chair and get a
16:44rice
16:46tea and that little battle was going on
16:48in me for maybe five or six seconds it
16:50really was it happened just this way and
16:53the spirit of God won because I realized
16:56this is what I most wanted to do
16:59so I got up cheerfully without grumping
17:02without I'll get it for you and
17:06I I said I'll get it honey it took about
17:085 seconds but I said I'll get it honey
17:10and I went and got the iced tea and
17:11brought it back and I gave it to her you
17:13know you know what she
17:15said oh my she said thank
17:19you that wasn't near
17:25enough how about a little promise of a
17:28little fund night or something you
17:34know I can't even be good without being
17:37bad have you noticed
17:41that silly little story but it's not
17:44easy to live in relational
17:46Holiness requires daily repentance did
17:49you know that Martin Luther when he
17:50began the Reformation 95 thesis in the
17:52door of the witberg D thing you know
17:53what the first one was that began the
17:55reformation and recovered justification
17:58by faith first thing was our Master
18:00desire is that we live in Daily
18:01Brokenness and
18:04repentance over
18:06what over all the big sins well I really
18:09haven't committed a lot of the big
18:12sins but at that moment there was a
18:14demanding Spirit within me Rachel ought
18:16to appreciate a little bit more than she
18:17does she ought to fill my soul in way
18:19she's not filling it CU God you aren't
18:21doing that good of a job are we
18:23clear how about some repentance over
18:25that ugly relational
18:27sin it isn't easy to live the Christian
18:31Life that's the first thing I've
18:32concluded after 62 years of following
18:34Jesus second thing I've
18:36concluded is the Abundant Life that's
18:38available in Jesus only comes to those
18:41who walk the narrow road to
18:43life
18:45amen what's narrow
18:48road I'm writing a book on that right
18:50now and I believe the narrow road is
18:53defined by an awareness of the flesh
18:55Spirit struggle within you which is a
18:58relational struggle between relational
18:59Holiness and relational
19:01sin that's my second thing walk the
19:03narrow road or you're not going to know
19:05the Abundant
19:07Life third thing that's become clear to
19:11me the Abundant Life that Jesus
19:15promises this is a bit redundant but see
19:17if I can say it more clearly the
19:19Abundant Life that Jesus promises has
19:21nothing to do with an easier life it has
19:23everything to do with a loving
19:26life learning to put Jesus on display by
19:30the way we relate to each
19:33other what did Jesus mean in John 17
19:36when he was praying shortly before he
19:37went to the cross and he said father the
19:39glory you gave me I've given them so
19:42what so they could have all the
19:43blessings of a great job great money
19:45great health no I've given them the
19:46glory you've given given me so they can
19:49be one like we are one talk about a high
19:52standard for
19:54Oneness having a community like the
19:56trinity
19:59they get along pretty well have you
20:01noticed the only small group in the
20:03history of time has gotten along
20:08well now with that simple little
20:10framework life isn't
20:12easy walk the narrow road to life and
20:15you'll discover the Abundant Life and
20:18realize the Abundant Life is the power
20:20to
20:21love the way Jesus
20:24loves with that framework let me tell
20:26you um
20:28three
20:31truths that as I thought about speaking
20:34to you today just felt to come alive
20:36within my
20:39soul a verse that's meant a great deal
20:41to me over the past number of years and
20:43particularly in the last few months
20:44actually 2 Timothy 3:14 where the
20:47Apostle Paul who's in jail in a very
20:50difficult dungeon he was under house
20:51arrest in Rome earlier but now he's in a
20:52dungeon in Rome and about to have his
20:54head chopped off and he says to Timothy
20:56follow me yeah that's a good idea follow
20:57me and get in trouble like you're you're
20:58in trouble and then he said continue in
21:02what you've learned remember the second
21:03half of the
21:04verse and have become convinced
21:10of what have I become so convinced of
21:15after following Jesus now many times
21:18inconsistently for 62 years what have I
21:21become so convinced of
21:23that nothing could
21:25dislodge the truth that I believe in my
21:28soul
21:33what do I really
21:37believe I want to share with you TR
21:39three
21:40truths that impressed thems in my soul
21:43as I Was preparing for this talk this
21:44morning three truths that I'm willing to
21:47say I'm convinced of Truth number one
21:51let me just say them briefly and then
21:53discuss them a little more thoroughly in
21:54the time that's left truth number
21:57one God God's plan
22:00centers
22:02on how about you finish that
22:05sentence God's plan
22:10centers on every man and
22:14woman who follows
22:16Jesus learning to live increasingly and
22:20more and more Fully
22:22Alive as men and women what's it mean to
22:25be fully Alive in relation
22:30femininity what's it mean to be fully
22:32Alive in relational
22:35masculinity Church Father named irenaeus
22:38in the second or third centuries he's
22:40very famous for one particular quote he
22:41said the glory of God is a human being
22:43made Fully
22:45Alive and when I began thinking about
22:47that quote which I read some years ago
22:49and as I've been doing some teaching on
22:51things similar I began to say all right
22:53he he wants us to make us fully alive
22:56but but we're not just human beings
22:58beings were gendered human beings so
23:00what's it mean to be fully Alive in my
23:02masculinity what's it mean for you to be
23:04fully Alive in your femininity and is
23:06there anything that the world has
23:07screwed up more than the answer to that
23:13question that's truth number one God's
23:16plan is Center is on me becoming Fully
23:18Alive for the glory of God as a man and
23:21you becoming Fully Alive for the glory
23:23of God as a man or a woman truth number
23:24one truth number
23:26two what most gets in the way of living
23:30Fully Alive for the glory of the father
23:32and the son and the spirit what most
23:35gets in the way of living Fully Alive is
23:39not compulsive godd dishonoring sexual
23:44desire it is chosen God rejecting
23:49relational
23:51sin I'm not talking about sexual
23:54sin but relational sin what am I talking
23:57about
23:59that's truth number two that I've been
24:02thinking about truth number
24:04three this is a little hard to express
24:07see if you can follow what I'm saying
24:08I'm guess I am a complicated
24:12Man Truth number three although effort
24:15is required there's got to be discipline
24:17and choices made on the root to living
24:19Fully Alive as relationally feminine or
24:22relationally masculine women and men
24:24although effort is required the key to
24:26living Fully Alive as men and women is
24:29to discover the deepest desire in every
24:31Christian's heart and to see that your
24:34deepest desire powerfully competes with
24:37every self-serving people using sinful
24:40desire did you follow that I didn't
24:44[Applause]
24:47either let me say it again although
24:49effort is required look at it more
24:50carefully in a minute although effort is
24:51required the key to living Fully Alive
24:54and my relational masculinity and your
24:57relational femininity what does it mean
24:58to be feminine what does it mean to be
25:00masculine by biblical standards the key
25:02to living Fully Alive in our masculinity
25:04or femininity is to discover the deepest
25:06desire in every Christian's heart that
25:08the Holy Spirit has put there he's given
25:10us a new heart Ezekiel 36 Jeremiah 31
25:13he's given us a new heart that moves us
25:16to keep his decrees that's how Ezekiel
25:17puts it and can we discover can we get
25:20in touch with the desire the deepest
25:23desire in my heart as a Christian it's
25:25deeper than any other desire and to
25:27realize that that deepest desire that is
25:29mind because of the Holy Spirit
25:32powerfully competes with every wrong
25:35desire you're not going to resist your
25:37wrong desire until you're more attracted
25:40to a different
25:42desire an old Puritan named Thomas
25:45chamers he talked about the expulsive
25:48power of a new
25:53affection that's the third now let's go
25:58back back and see if I can complicate it
26:02more truth number one we can
26:05increasingly live Fully Alive And as men
26:07and women only because of the Gospel
26:10it's not possible without the
26:12gospel now let me think about that with
26:14you for a few minutes a little bit of
26:16Bible study here stuff that you all know
26:17let me just repeat
26:20it you go back to Genesis chapter one
26:22the first creation story Genesis 2
26:25duplicates with some differences the
26:26creation story
26:29and in Genesis 1 starting at verse 3
26:31through verse 25 we're told that God
26:34made everything that is and you know the
26:37formula that's almost invariant some
26:39little differences here and there but
26:40the general feel for the first verses 3-
26:4325 and all the things that he made the
26:45Sun the moon the planets the trees the
26:47birds the fish and all that it said God
26:50said let there be
26:53right but then when he made me and made
26:57you
26:58the formula changes he didn't say let
27:01there be a human being a Dom Adam this
27:06means human being it's not a gender it's
27:08a gender neutral word just human being
27:10he didn't say Let There
27:12be human beings and let there be male
27:16human beings and female human beings he
27:18didn't put it that way remember for the
27:20first time in Genesis 1:26 after having
27:24said God said let there be now he said
27:26something very different remember what
27:27he said
27:29let
27:32us it's the first hint of the
27:37Trinity the relational
27:39Community they do get along
27:42well and I want to know how they get
27:45along so well because how they get along
27:48defines relational
27:50Holiness and he made me as a Dom as a
27:53human being we all share Humanity we're
27:55all human beings and he made us to
27:59in in the image of God in the image of
28:00this relational God there a marvelous
28:03book by a very high level author it's a
28:05real chewy book has taken me years to
28:07get through it by a guy named Stanley
28:09Gren it's called the social God and the
28:11relational
28:14self and it's uh subtitle is a
28:16trinitarian understanding of the image
28:18of
28:19God you bear the image of God I bear the
28:22image of God we all know that but what
28:24in Earth does it mean cus Lewis puts it
28:26well when he says you've never sat in
28:28next to a mere
28:30mortal the person you sit next to right
28:32now if you could see the M Eternal State
28:33either you couldn't bear the sight or
28:36you'd be tempted to
28:37worship you shouldn't worship anybody
28:39but God but if I saw my mother who died
28:41a miserable death of Alzheimer's if I
28:43could see her today I'd be tempted to
28:45worship she's so gorgeous right
28:48now we bear the image of a relational
28:51God therefore we're designed to relate
28:54in a particular way
28:58let's make them God said amongst
29:00themselves the father son and spirit
29:02coming up with a great idea let us make
29:05human beings and everything God does he
29:08does for what purpose
29:09answer for his own Glory so let's make
29:12human beings for our Glory what does it
29:14mean to be human beings for his glory it
29:16means that we are alive as human beings
29:19for the glory of God meaning that we can
29:21reveal the way they relate amongst
29:23themselves the beauty of their
29:25relational Nature by the way we relate
29:27to each other that's the glory that the
29:30father gave the son he put now listen to
29:32this in the Incarnation the father gave
29:34the son John 17 the father gave the son
29:37the the the the the the duty the calling
29:39the privilege of putting deity on
29:42display in
29:44humanity that's the
29:46Incarnation and then Jesus says father
29:48you gave me that Glory I came and was
29:50born as a as an infant and from Mary's
29:53womb and the special virgin birth and
29:55then as I developed as a little boy and
29:57and got to be a young man and and was
29:59killed at age 33 from from 0 to 33 I
30:03displayed the divine nature in a human
30:06being do you ever think of that do you
30:09ever think what have been like to be to
30:10see Jesus when he was a teenager did you
30:13ever meet a perfect
30:16teenager Jesus
30:20was our family
30:22um when they were little my boys we have
30:25two sons now they're 46 as of yesterday
30:28and 43 my younger son who's now happily
30:30married to lesie we very pleased with
30:32that
30:34obviously but when they were
30:36little I took my responsibility as a
30:38father seriously to teach my kids the
30:41Bible for family devotions I purchased
30:44an overhead
30:47[Laughter]
30:49[Applause]
30:53projector we did Old Testament survey
30:55New Testament survey the kids just loved
30:57it
31:03sometimes we had
31:05fun one of our fun things was we'd act
31:07out Biblical characters and one of us
31:09would leave the room Rachel or myself or
31:11keer Ken would leave the room and come
31:13back in biblical character and we had to
31:15guess who they were
31:16impersonating well Kenny was about eight
31:19and he left the room he was going to
31:20come back in in character we had no idea
31:22who he was going to make it up and he
31:23came back in in character and the way he
31:26Illustrated the character he was
31:28impersonating when something like this I
31:30hate being in this family I'm always
31:31blamed for everything never my brother's
31:33fault I get in trouble and he never does
31:34it makes no sense to me at all and I
31:35hate it it's just unfair you had no idea
31:38who he talking about he finally gave up
31:39Jesus or Kenny who are you he said I'm
31:42jesus'
31:44[Laughter]
31:48[Applause]
31:50brother son you took the dollar off my
31:53off my Bureau no no no Jesus did it uh
31:58no son he doesn't do do that sort of
32:03thing Jesus put deity on display in
32:06humanity and that's what I'm here to do
32:09that's the purpose you're alive today
32:11but then he goes on to say and let's
32:13make him male and female for what reason
32:16folks the central reason that he made us
32:18male and female is not marriage and
32:21procreation that's part of it but if
32:24that's a central reason sorry singles
32:26you're out of luck
32:28oh no that's not true the essential
32:31reason he made male and female was each
32:34has a unique calling to relate in a
32:36particularly unique way that reveals
32:39Something Beautiful about Divine
32:44relating going to look at this more in
32:46my breakout session but just briefly let
32:48me tell you
32:49this the word for female in Genesis 1
32:52let's make them female in the Hebrew is
32:54neaba and what it literally means it's a
32:56word that if you look it up in your
32:58dictionaries that tell you the Hebrew
33:00into English translations it's a word
33:02that literally means something that
33:04every woman in the room is not going to
33:05like when I first tell
33:06you means
33:10punctured
33:12opened but you know what it means what
33:14it came to mean
33:18ethologically opened to
33:22receive I believe the way your bodies
33:24are shaped ladies is a parable of the
33:27way your should of shape
33:29relationally and the sexual act between
33:31man and woman the woman is open to
33:34receive and invites strong movement into
33:38her most intimate
33:40Parts what's
33:42femininity open to
33:45receive in Mark chapter 10 and verse 6
33:49when Jesus was having a debate with the
33:50Pharisees about a number of matters that
33:52I won't consider now but at one point
33:54Jesus said to the Pharisees in response
33:55to their ridiculous questions he said
33:58didn't you ever read Genesis 1 where he
34:00made us male and female and the word for
34:02female that he uses there in the Greek
34:04is Tas which literally is a word that
34:06means
34:08breast and I take from that that
34:10relational femininity has a lot to do
34:13maybe centrally to do
34:15with a woman who relates in a way that
34:18is open to receive whatever advances the
34:22purposes of
34:23God and is supplied to
34:26nourish that's the breast
34:28imagery everything that advances the
34:30purposes of
34:32God what's it mean to be
34:35feminine this defined by your clothing
34:37or your shape or the pitch of your voice
34:39or your hairstyle Peter makes that very
34:41clear in 1 Peter 3 talking to wives he
34:44said don't let your beauty be dependent
34:46on hairstyles or clothing or jewelry
34:48nothing's wrong with any of that but it
34:49doesn't Define femininity femininity is
34:52defined in relational ways what does it
34:54mean to be open to receive and Supply to
34:56nourish I want to look at that more
34:57carefully in my breakup but that's just
34:59a thought in
35:01passing Fully Alive in relational
35:04femininity for a man what's it mean to
35:07be to be masculine if a woman if maybe
35:11one Central word that gets that
35:12relational femininity is to be
35:15Invitational wired to invite others to
35:18enter them to experience the Deep Beauty
35:21of God within
35:23them I think that's one reason why I
35:25love my wife so much she knows me as
35:28nobody else does
35:29and still wants me to come to
35:35her just like Jesus who said come to me
35:39all of you screw
35:41balls Rachel sees me in my weakness my
35:44inadequacies my
35:46fears my failures she says I'm here come
35:51and I go I think I
35:55will the word for male is is the word
35:58zakar and it literally means one who
35:59remembers and
36:04moves masculinity what is relational
36:07masculinity the degree to which you're
36:09relationally masculine is the degree to
36:12which you'll discover the power to
36:14resist inappropriate sexual
36:18connection whether it's homosexuality or
36:20pornography or adultery or anything
36:25else can I claim the privilege of I have
36:27as a
36:30man to reveal the moving nature of God
36:35who moved into our
36:38neighborhood the way Peterson translates
36:40John 1 he moved into our neighborhood he
36:43moved into the mess of Our Lives because
36:46he wanted to redeem the mess that's
36:48there do I know what it means to move
36:50into people's lives my wies in
36:52particular my kids my friends do I know
36:54what it means to move or now listen
36:56carefully you know I'm so much more
36:58comfortable speaking to a group of
37:00people I'll probably never meet
37:04again because if you let me know what's
37:06really happening in your life I might
37:08feel really inadequate and have no idea
37:09what to
37:11say people used to pay me when I was in
37:14private practice to talk to
37:17them the number of times this this is
37:19very true the number of times when I was
37:21in private practice as a therapist under
37:24my
37:25breath sometimes I would say many many
37:28times I would say under my breath this
37:31person needs professional
37:36[Laughter]
37:42help what does it mean to move into
37:45another person's life particularly into
37:47a into a wife's life if you will let me
37:50tell you another silly story that makes
37:51a point we were I was speaking at Moody
37:54Founders week some years ago in downtown
37:55Chicago and R and I were at a hotel in
37:57the 25th flooor of our hotel and we had
37:59agreed to meet some people some friends
38:01of ours in the lobby of the hotel at
38:035:30 and so we were in the hotel room
38:06and we needed to leave the hotel room at
38:10about 5:25 to walk about 30 seconds down
38:13to the elevator wait for two or three
38:14minutes for crowded elevator to come and
38:16go down 25 floors and meet our friends
38:18at 5:30 we all knew by all I mean Rachel
38:21and I knew that we needed to leave the
38:24room at
38:255:25 at 5:25
38:29I was
38:34ready Rachel
38:36however was facing the mirror in the
38:38wall I was sitting behind her and she
38:41was doing things that just terrify an
38:42inadequate man who doesn't know how to
38:44remember and
38:45move she was doing
38:48this oh my hair is a
38:53mess what does a relationally masculine
38:56man do with that moment
38:59well I thought of several options one
39:00option might be to I've tried it before
39:04that looks fine to me
39:07hun so frustrating when I say something
39:10nice like that it makes no
39:12impact and she goes it does not and then
39:15she goes out in the hallway and then
39:16woman friend walks by and says oh your
39:18hair's cute and she says oh really I'm
39:19so
39:22[Applause]
39:25glad so I knew saying that wasn't going
39:27to work so I remember thinking to myself
39:29maybe what I could say is
39:31um you got a
39:35point bag over the head Knight my
39:38goodness what I did end up saying though
39:40and this is actually a true story I said
39:42um looks okay from the
39:49[Laughter]
39:55back figured she couldn't argue with
39:57that
39:59and what you actually said this is true
40:02I'm telling you this is true what you
40:03actually said is a good old walk around
40:05backwards all
40:08night now let me take that silly story
40:10and make the point the point is the
40:13degree to which I feel like I don't have
40:14the weight to make an impact on somebody
40:16else's soul is the gree to which I'm
40:19subject and
40:21vulnerable to sexual
40:25disorder relational m masculinity God
40:28you've given me the weight to move into
40:30somebody else's soul and to make a
40:33difference For Your Glory because of
40:35your power do I believe
40:38that fully Alive in relational
40:41masculinity relational femininity let me
40:43suggest this to you gender confusion
40:46begins with all the other things that
40:48happen in our backgrounds but in the
40:50core of our soul that begins when women
40:52and men fail to relate in ways that
40:55uniquely reveal the beauty of the three
40:58Divine persons of the
41:00Trinity who move toward us to make the
41:03deepest impact in our lives and to
41:05invite us into the joys of their
41:06incredible
41:08Community that's truth number one
41:10briefly now truth number
41:12two nothing gets in the way of
41:14relational Holiness more than
41:16unrecognized and unrepented of
41:18relational
41:23sin what's the opposite of a woman being
41:26Invitational
41:28David it's a woman
41:32controlling Genesis 3:16 after Adam and
41:35Eve
41:37sinned and God pronounced judgment on
41:39the two of them the judgment to
41:42Eve was to her in her feminine
41:46physicalness and her feminine
41:48relationality he said you're going to
41:49have pain in childbirth and then he said
41:52the second part of the Judgment remember
41:53what it
41:54was your desire shall be for your
41:56husband
41:58remember being so puzzled by that Rachel
42:01does desire me that's part of the
42:04curse I don't think so so what's the
42:07text mean well the word for desire there
42:09in Genesis 3:16 is a very unusual word
42:11in the Hebrew it occurs only three times
42:13in the Bible the second most significant
42:15time when it occurs to Genesis 4 when um
42:18Cain was all upset because his offering
42:20wasn't accepted like Adam's like like
42:23Abel's was and God came to Cain and he
42:26said sin is crouching at your door and
42:29it desires the same word in Genesis 3:16
42:32it desires to have Mastery over
42:34you there's a woman scholar from
42:36Westminster Seminary Susan foa and she's
42:39written a book called women in the word
42:41of God and she takes a part that
42:43particular word for Desire with her
42:45scholarship which I just read Scholars
42:46I'm not a scholar and she said that what
42:48the word literally means is to take over
42:50and be in control
42:52of relational
42:55femininity come en join The Beauty of My
42:59Soul relational sin I'm taking over say
43:03it won't hurt me ever again is that
43:07clear and that gets in the way of
43:10restoration and for a
43:12guy rather than remembering and moving
43:15we forget and
43:18Retreat because we don't know what to
43:22do I'm a whole lot better at writing
43:24books than I am and relating as a
43:26husband so I write books about
43:30marriage some years ago when I had
43:32finished one book books get very
43:33consuming and when I finished one book I
43:35said to Rachel after the one book was
43:38all finished and released and I remember
43:40one night saying to her honey I got a
43:41great idea for a new book and she began
43:43to
43:46cry I didn't know what to do and I said
43:50something really clever like what are
43:52you crying
43:53about that's at least my feeble effort
43:55to move into her soul what's going on I
43:57want to explore I want to know who you
43:59are but I'm scared to know all that you
44:01are because I might find out something I
44:02don't know what to do with and what she
44:04said was Larry when you get involved in
44:07a book I disappear from your
44:13existence you see men
44:16typically Retreat
44:18from where we feel inadequate like
44:21relating and go to where we're competent
44:25maybe it's our business maybe it's our
44:26sense of humor maybe it's our Sports
44:28ability maybe it's our making money
44:31whatever last thing I want to say truth
44:34number
44:37three I don't believe we're ever going
44:39to know the kind of restoration that God
44:41has in mind for each of us as gendered
44:44image bearers whoever that genderedness
44:46has gotten corrupted and messed up we're
44:49never going to know the fullness of the
44:51restoration that God has in mind for us
44:53as gendered image
44:54bearers until
44:58God's spirit puts us in touch with a
45:01desire to reveal his Beauty by how we
45:09relate have I been consumed by the
45:12beauty of the
45:14Trinity folks the last 10 or 15 years
45:16I've been consumed with trinitarian
45:23theology a mentor of mine who now with
45:25lorda
45:28president of a seminary in Australia
45:31Sydney where I lectured some years ago
45:33got to know him he has a book called the
45:35Everlasting God and he says in that book
45:38and he was considered the finest
45:39theological mind alive in his day and he
45:42said the central truth of the Christian
45:45religion is the doctrine of the
45:47Trinity final reality is
45:52relationality every psychological
45:55problem that I've been trained to deal
45:57deal with every emotional disorder every
46:01gender difficulty that doesn't have an
46:03organic basis something things do that
46:05doesn't have an organic base of certain
46:07depressions or bipolar perhaps but every
46:11problem human problem that doesn't have
46:14an organic basis has its roots in a
46:17failure of
46:21relationality women not being
46:23relationally feminine closed rather than
46:25Open men not being relationally
46:28masculine backing away into where we're
46:29good as opposed to moving trusting God's
46:34strength one last illustration of this
46:36point and then I'm going to
46:42quit I've had cancer three
46:45times first M with cancer was 18 years
46:48ago then three years ago another second
46:51surgery and then four months ago another
46:54procedure for liver cancer
46:58first time I had cancer first time I was
47:00diagnosed with
47:03cancer I had
47:04been sick for about four years
47:08undiagnosed then finally my doctor came
47:11up with a a new um way of diagnosing
47:15things that I'm sure none of you have
47:16heard of it's very
47:19sophistic finally gave me a CAT scan and
47:21they found a tumor the size of a tennis
47:23ball on my pancreas wow and I was in the
47:26hospital H awaiting surgery the next
47:29morning Rachel and I were scared to
47:31death in so many ways rest wasn't our
47:33experience at the
47:35moment but after Rachel had to leave
47:37visiting hours were over and I was in
47:38the hospital bed at 9:00 at night and
47:41waiting for surgery very shortly
47:43thereafter the next day or
47:45so and I got out of bed and I walked
47:50over to the window in the ninth floor of
47:52St Joe's Hospital in downtown Denver and
47:54I looked down and I saw
47:58Starbucks and I saw this about 9:15 9:30
48:01at night and I saw a car pull up to
48:02Starbucks and a couple about our age got
48:04out of the car and went into Starbucks
48:06and they had come from this direction up
48:08here Denver Theater District and I
48:09thought this is Saturday night I wonder
48:11if they just read a wonderful play and
48:13they're getting a little night cap of a
48:15Starbucks decaf latte or something and
48:17going to go home and maybe go to church
48:19the next morning oh I remember thinking
48:20I wish I were there as opposed to here
48:23what's my deepest
48:25desire at that that point what I'm aware
48:28of is not
48:29relationality what I'm aware of is the
48:32blessing of good health and a good life
48:36isn't that the Abundant Life no it's not
48:38the Abundant Life is the abundance of
48:40power and desire to love
48:43well but I wasn't aware of that and I'm
48:45thinking oh why am I happy up here I got
48:47cancer and they're down there having a
48:49good time and I'm just oh I'm just not
48:51happy and at that time the spirit of God
48:53brought to my mind a parable
48:56given by Augustine the great church
48:58father from centuries
49:01ago Augustine told this Parable and this
49:03is the final story I'm going to tell you
49:05that I'm going to
49:06quit Augustine said this he said suppose
49:09God came to you and said make a list of
49:12everything you want every blessing you
49:14would love to have legitimate things a
49:17decent job a good marriage wonderful
49:19kids um good health make a list of
49:23everything you could possibly want on
49:25this piece of paper Augustine said
49:28suppose God came to you and said I'm
49:30telling you to make that list suppose
49:31God told you to make the list and you
49:33went oh
49:35okay there's my list and then Augustine
49:38says suppose God came to you and said I
49:40will give you everything on your list on
49:44one
49:46condition you will never see my
49:51face and Augustine finishes the parable
49:53this way the chill
49:57that you feel in your soul when you
49:59think of never being intimate with God
50:03never having a relationship with God to
50:05see his face to know him deeply the
50:07chill that you feel when you think of
50:09never seeing the face of God in Jesus
50:11Christ literally one day is the chill is
50:15your love for
50:17God and I remember looking down at that
50:19ninth floor I said
50:23Lord if you were to say to me now lariel
50:26have a doctor walk in in two minutes and
50:28tell you we misdiagnosed you're totally
50:29healthy go
50:30home I'll give you that but you'll never
50:33see my face I became so aware that my
50:37soul wants him and I said
50:40Lord do anything else you
50:42want I just want to know
50:46you could we know what it means to know
50:51God the Trinity there a party happening
50:57[Applause]
50:58could we learn to dance with the
51:02Trinity oh folks I told you at the
51:05beginning I just was raised in a very
51:06subdued kind of a background worship
51:11meant remember I was preaching once at
51:13the bilram training center and my dad
51:15was in the audience some years ago
51:16congregation one of those nights where
51:17it was really anointed uh something
51:19really happened it was really went well
51:20and Dad afterward very conservative very
51:24subdued brother he came to me afterward
51:26and he said Larry the Lord spoke for you
51:29tonight then he looked around to make
51:31sure nobody was listening and he
51:34said I almost raised my
51:40hands could I become so enthralled with
51:42the beauty of the Trinity that my hands
51:44have to go up and say God this is
51:45unbelievable and you want me to put you
51:47on display by the way that I relate
51:49there's nothing I want more and that's
51:52the
51:52route to restored hope

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