YT YouTube2Text

YouTube2Text → Transcripts → Holocaust Survivor REVEALS How To Find MEANING & PURPOSE In Life | Edith Eger & Lewis Howes

Holocaust Survivor REVEALS How To Find MEANING & PURPOSE In Life | Edith Eger & Lewis Howes — Transcript

by Lewis Howes · 14,764 words · 2,350 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

Open in transcriber Summarize with AI Download SRT/VTT

Full transcript

0:00so I had to go back to Auschwitz
0:04the Dead Lions then and look at the lion
0:06in her face to reclaim my innocence to
0:11assign the shame and guilt to the
0:13perpetrator I think you gotta have a
0:15dream the school of greatness yeah
0:18please welcome
0:19well what would you like people to know
0:21about you and how would you want to be
0:22I'd like to be known as someone who did
0:25everything in her power
0:28everything
0:30to see to it that it will never happen
0:32again
0:35I'm into prevention yeah I don't ask why
0:39me I say what now
0:42why is the past oriented word a
0:45problem-oriented word
0:48I like to deal with the present
0:51and think Young so when a man takes me
0:56out and he's trying to figure out how
0:59old am I I'm gonna ask him to take me
1:02home
1:03because if he's into numbers
1:06he's not my man
1:08what should he be into
1:10I think he would be interested in
1:13perhaps
1:16what really
1:19gives me joy what is that
1:22joy in my heart
1:25like I have joy
1:28knowing that I have three children I
1:31have five grandchildren and seven
1:35grandsons all son great grandsons All
1:39Sons
1:41yeah so I I think it's good to really
1:46know that many people ask me write a
1:50book write a book write a book and I
1:53would say automatically I have nothing
1:56to say no I have nothing to say
2:00I have a lot to say yeah and so do you
2:04and you're committed
2:07to really change
2:10the people who
2:13don't think that they matter
2:15because they'll never be another you
2:18right
2:19you're one of a kind Diamond I see it in
2:23your eyes you know you're very precious
2:26thank you you're very very precious and
2:30I know many people probably have changed
2:33because
2:35they knew that what they're doing now
2:39they are revolving not evolving what
2:43does that mean revolving not evolving
2:45you're rewarding that you go back and do
2:47the same thing go over and over again
2:49and expect different results repeating
2:52the same this is the definition of
2:54examination
2:55someone said that
2:57I said Einstein I think right yeah I
2:59think I understand yeah I'm curious
3:02no you have seven Grand grandsons right
3:06seven grandsons I think are the two
3:09twins the two-year-olds are those the
3:10youngest grandsons yes so there's 93
3:14years ish between you and your youngest
3:18grandson exactly
3:19and they come with their head because
3:22they know I'm gonna kiss it
3:25just come and bring their little eggs
3:29I I don't know other people who kiss
3:32that head that's beautiful that's great
3:34but I do I'm curious what is the the you
3:38know they
3:39at this moment they don't know the type
3:42of Life you've had right not until
3:43they're a little older will they
3:45understand the stories and hear the
3:47stories about your whole experience from
3:50what uh you know their great grandmother
3:52went through and how you overcame so
3:54many challenges and obstacles and how
3:57you became a member of society for Hope
4:00and inspiration I'm curious
4:03if you could share three lessons with
4:06them
4:07to set them up for their life
4:09what would those three lessons be I
4:12probably would tell them
4:16that I will never forget
4:18what happened
4:22I don't know what means to overcome
4:29I don't think I
4:31I didn't know exactly what that means
4:34but I came to terms with it
4:37I call it my cherished wound
4:40cherished wound yes
4:43I cherish the wound
4:48that I learned in the classroom of
4:51Auschwitz
4:53how does someone learn to cherish their
4:55wounds if something is so tragic yes you
4:58appreciate what you have until we lose
5:01it
5:03see if you take me out to dinner
5:06and you might do that take me out to
5:08lunch
5:09uh
5:12I think
5:15I'm gonna eat up my food
5:18and then I'm gonna pick up your
5:20leftovers
5:22and if I don't do that I'll take it home
5:26I never waste any food wow
5:31I never leave food on my plate or that
5:35you
5:37I do something with it and I give it
5:40away
5:42you know why do you do that one time I
5:45had a party and I had a lot of leftovers
5:48and I went out and I I saw someone at
5:52the corner waiting
5:53and I gave them the food
5:56why do you why is that something you do
5:58I told you know they must be hungry yeah
6:01but they didn't want food they wanted
6:03money
6:05so they threw it back at me no I don't
6:08want your goddamn food give me money
6:12right yeah
6:14what's another thing you'd share with
6:16your grandkids your great-grandkids
6:18but right now they're too young to
6:21listen to anything but
6:26my great grandson
6:29are
6:3115 12 and 10 and they're very interested
6:37in grammar
6:40and I
6:42and I'm very interesting person to be
6:45with I have a lot to say and not what
6:50happens it's what you do with it right I
6:53think the coming to terms with the
6:55cherished wound it's like creating
6:56meaning around what happened right
6:59exactly the existential vacuum Victor
7:02Franco used to refer to that and it's
7:05very important
7:07to know that it's not clinical
7:09depression why do people get that
7:11confused yeah well I had two paraplegics
7:14both coming from Vietnam same
7:18symptomatologists same diagnosis okay
7:22and one of them was in a kind of a
7:24federal position why me how could anyone
7:28do this to me
7:30blaming God blaming you name it the
7:34country of course
7:35conversely the other one said to me
7:39same symptomatology same diagnosis same
7:43pragnosis
7:45he said to me hey Doc
7:49I was wearing a white coat and it said
7:52Dr eager Department of Psychiatry okay
7:57it says hey Doc
7:59I'm so grateful
8:01that I sit in a wheelchair because I can
8:05reach my children's much closer oh my
8:09goodness can you believe it and I can't
8:12and reach the flowers much closer
8:16and I felt like a biggest imposter
8:20because I had a 16 year old in me that I
8:24ran away from I really wasn't qualified
8:27to take them further
8:30because I have not taken myself wow you
8:34know I went to school and I went to
8:36school and you know I became Dr editha
8:40but I never really did
8:43the work and really welcome back to
8:46Auschwitz
8:47when did you go back
8:49I asked my sister to come with me
8:54um
8:55probably in the 70s early it is and she
9:00told me I'm an idiot and that was the
9:03end of that my sister coming with me and
9:07I went alone and today the work I do to
9:10revisit the places where you've been
9:13to relieve that experience but then you
9:17revise your life
9:19relive the experience and then revise
9:21your life exactly rewrite this story not
9:24going back it's a new beginning oh wow
9:27so when you went there what opened up
9:30for you what what did you feel a lot of
9:32sadness and pain or is that where you
9:34started to rewriting I was angry and I
9:38didn't know what to do with anger
9:42I I learned from it but I was angry I
9:47was mad as hell
9:49and I have to find a way
9:52to turn depression into expression
9:57what happens if we continue to run from
10:01anger in our lives we just Build It Up
10:04it doesn't go away you can't run away
10:07from it you cannot run away it's better
10:10to face it
10:13not fight it
10:15or run from it now
10:18so I did go back to Auschwitz and today
10:21the work I do that yes I hold your hand
10:25and there is visit your little room
10:28your little home the hallway and you're
10:33holding my hand I'm taking you out of
10:36there wow because that was them and this
10:40is now
10:41and you can find that little boy in you
10:44the little girl named you and buy him an
10:47ice cream cone and because that little
10:51boy is crying what happens if we never
10:54revisit the little boy or girl inside
10:58wow and I think that's what therapy is
11:01it's all great work not what happened
11:05what didn't happen right because I
11:08remember when my granddaughter asked me
11:10to buy her a beautiful dress which I am
11:14very good at
11:16buying good dresses
11:19so she could go to Bishop School
11:22to a dance
11:23and I come home and out of the blue I'm
11:28crying
11:30the word understand I didn't understand
11:33what's the matter with me
11:35I just bought little precious Lindsay a
11:38beautiful dress I think it was a Laura
11:41Ashley
11:41original and
11:45but I realized that I'm not crying
11:48because Lindsay is going to the dance I
11:51cried because I never went to a dance
11:54um
11:55so I think the unresolved grief
12:00is important
12:02to make peace with so when something
12:05like that happened for you or happens in
12:07any of our Lives yes what can we do to
12:09face it and I have a photo on my phone
12:12of myself when I was younger right that
12:16little boy exactly to go back into those
12:18places that were wounded
12:20and have a conversation and I you know I
12:23talked to him and I I reflected the
12:26feeling yeah rather than talk about the
12:29feeling let him feel it what we do in
12:31America
12:32we we're hearing but maybe not listening
12:38it's very good to repeat what you hear
12:41and they tell you whether it's true or
12:43false I think it's very important
12:47to
12:49write your book mm-hmm
12:52so you said
12:53anger is something that not the Primary
12:57Emotion it's not the primary so when
12:59someone feels anger what is it they
13:00really feel
13:01fear afraid of what
13:05um
13:07fear of being found out
13:10oh
13:11that your true self
13:14is it fear of being found out your true
13:17self is not lovable or not enough or
13:20you're you're never going to amount to
13:21anything or it's never going to no one's
13:24going to accept you I do it fake oh wow
13:27do you think everyone feels that way at
13:29some point in life
13:30I think it's very
13:33seldom
13:34that a person never regresses anything
13:40I think it's important to acknowledge
13:43that you say to yourself
13:45if I knew them
13:48what I know now
13:50I could have done things differently
13:52right and that's it that's the end of
13:55that that's it that's it but why do we
13:57hold on to the pain so long and why do
14:01we shame ourselves and beat ourselves up
14:03emotionally because we didn't have the
14:05knowledge when we were 5 or 10 or 16 or
14:0820. maybe we didn't have good role
14:10models
14:11that it's okay to feel any feelings
14:14without the fear of being judged there
14:17is no right feeling or wrong feeling
14:19that is only my feeling yeah and
14:23underneath of anger is feared so it's
14:26very good to ride on all your fears from
14:29the least anxiety producing to the most
14:32anxiety and then we knock them down
14:35because we were not born with fear you
14:39were born with love
14:40Joy
14:43and passion for life
14:45I love that you say this because I feel
14:48like I'm full of passion you are you're
14:51feisty you're fine I like it yes sir I
14:55love this idea of writing down your
14:56fears and then knocking them down
14:58knocking them down because you were not
15:00born with them you landed
15:03when did you start to knock down your
15:06fears
15:08how old were you roughly I think I was
15:1216 in our shreds
15:15and I developed inside
15:20something that I cherished today my
15:24inner resources that I don't look at
15:26like life from outside in
15:30and I give up my need for other people's
15:33approval you did that when you're 16. I
15:37did that wow you gave up your need for
15:38other people's approval then exactly
15:40what does that do for you when you give
15:43up the need give me my true self
15:46your authentic express yourself that I
15:50am my own good mommy to me yes
15:54yes and then I ask is this empowering me
15:57or depleting me
15:59[Music]
16:01if I'm gonna have alcohol I'm messing
16:04with my brain
16:06so you're not going to do something to
16:09try to look good in front of others and
16:12try to make others like what the
16:13neighbors think about us yes
16:17wow I think very important for children
16:21especially for the father to be a good
16:25role model to the children the way he
16:28treats the children's Mother his wife
16:33how should the father treat the mother
16:37specifically raise your voice
16:40when you're angry in English you start
16:43the sentence with you
16:47you
16:49how stupid you
16:51when you hear you you're gonna be dumped
16:54on and you say to yourself the longer
16:57they took the more relaxed I become you
17:01take the negative stimuli turn it
17:03immediately into something positive I
17:07think there is a Mexican psychiatrists
17:11who wrote a little book that is very
17:14valuable
17:15and it's called The Four Agreements so
17:18good don't take anything personally
17:20don't take it first it's so powerful how
17:23does someone learn to not take it
17:25personally if someone's saying you did
17:26this and you're stupid and you're how do
17:29you learn to just be peaceful around I
17:31know better
17:33um
17:34that's what you think
17:36and this is what I feel
17:39and men are not that
17:42to feel the feelings they talk about the
17:46feeling they analyze the feeling
17:49they medicate the feeling
17:52rather than just feeling the feeling
17:57a good cry
17:59what comes out of your body will never
18:02make you ill but stays in that does
18:05like boss you know you have to
18:09get it out
18:13in a pillow
18:16scream yeah cry and then left like a
18:20hyena and you feel better laugh like a
18:23hyena yeah just get it out shake it out
18:26how should uh you know a wife be around
18:31her husband with her kids
18:34so what is happening the husband comes
18:37home
18:38and the white father they knows just by
18:41looking at him that there is something
18:43going on but she doesn't say anything
18:46because she doesn't say anything either
18:48because he's scared if he's gonna say
18:52something things are gonna get worse
18:54she's scared she's scared they both
18:58scared but they don't really sit down
19:02which I do really to make them really
19:07see what's really going on
19:12but down the line if they don't do that
19:16they will miss passion and life
19:20for sure
19:23I don't know what else right now to
19:25think of
19:26passion joy joy and passion for sure
19:30yeah so if you want joy and passion
19:34have a fight
19:36but pay attention how you finish your
19:39fight how should you finish the fight
19:41that's right you can agree to disagree
19:44that not that I'm right you're wrong I'm
19:47good you're bad none of that yeah we're
19:50human we do make mistakes
19:53and we have a good talk about it and
19:56hopefully learn from it so we won't
20:00repeat it right right
20:02and you worked with Victor Frankel too
20:04right didn't you work with I worked with
20:05Victor Franco very much I remember we
20:09were in Germany and we danced together
20:12we danced together yes was he a good
20:15dancer and he said something is this the
20:18last Tango I think it was Reagan's
20:21Burger one of those places
20:24um that we had our conference
20:28um
20:29Victor Franco was
20:32like you a kind of a renaissance man
20:37he was taking flying lessons
20:41when I met him he was in his 70s wow he
20:45died when he was 92.
20:48but uh he was truly my mentor
20:53what was your big what was your biggest
20:55lessons from him that he taught you
20:58the logo therapy logo means finding
21:03purpose and meaning in your life
21:06it's called the existential vacuum that
21:10most people are called clinical
21:13depression milk
21:15what is clinical depression a thing or
21:18is there a way to get out of it without
21:20medication yeah well we pathologize uh
21:24we pathologize too much
21:28I think it's
21:30it's very good to
21:34make the diagnosis
21:37that doesn't have to pathologize like
21:41I'm sad I'm scared you know to use the
21:45language that it doesn't have to go to
21:48diagnosis and medical medicine is
21:52important
21:54yeah no we have our blood
21:58and that needs to be
22:02hopefully valid then they do yeah we
22:07have our environment but the way you
22:10respond to the other two
22:13I have a choice
22:15to respond or react
22:18when you react you don't think
22:21how does someone learn how to pause when
22:25there's an event when there's a deeper
22:27trigger
22:28take a deep breath and if that doesn't
22:30work take another deeper keep breathing
22:33until you react because you cannot
22:36change what's outside of you mm-hmm
22:40the environment the event what occurs
22:43you really have very powerless
22:46[Music]
22:47but you have power the way you choose
22:51to take the negative and turn it into
22:54positive
22:55because suffering makes you stronger
22:58suffering
23:00is part of life
23:04is there a way to minimize suffering in
23:08our lives
23:09you learn from history so you won't
23:12repeat it
23:14yes
23:15that's why it's good to write the book
23:19the book
23:21people told me for years write a book
23:23write a book and I would say I have
23:26nothing to say I have nothing to say
23:29but then Philip zimbardo one morning
23:31calls me
23:33and says you know Edie
23:36the people who survived
23:40and are famous
23:42are all men
23:44we need a female voice
23:50and that's my book the choice right a
23:53female voice of Victor Frank wow it's
23:57beautiful you mentioned I want to ask
23:59you about the fear the fears again
24:00writing down a list of your fears and
24:03then knocking them down
24:04what happens
24:07internally when we start to knock these
24:10fears down and we over you replace it
24:12with something else
24:15see when when you're in a car
24:17and you have to switch gears
24:20you know it talks to you the car
24:24so what you need to do is switch gears
24:28and release the clutch
24:32what are you holding on to
24:35my definition of Love Is
24:38the ability to let go
24:41let go
24:45don't live in the past
24:47you cannot change the past
24:51it's one thing you cannot change
24:54is the best
24:56I don't live in the past
24:59I don't forget it or overcome it
25:04that's why I call it my cherished wound
25:08because part of me was left in Auschwitz
25:11but not the better part not the bigger
25:13part
25:14how do you reclaim that part from that
25:17you go back to that place and you can do
25:20it in your office with a Gestalt check
25:23put them in that chair tie them up and
25:28beat them up sure yeah
25:32wow how could you do this to me I was
25:36only eight years old you know and you
25:39get it out
25:40scream it out and beat them up
25:43if we don't get that emotion out then
25:46we're the ones that suffer right yeah
25:48because forgiveness has nothing to do
25:51with me forgiving you for what you did
25:53to me I don't have any godly power at
25:56all
25:57but I do have a power
26:00to look at everything that happened
26:03into an opportunity
26:06for an opportunity
26:08and that was Auschwitz
26:11the biggest classroom the most important
26:14one I have gone to wow
26:18so do we need to forgive the person that
26:22created the pain do we need to forgive
26:24ourselves what is harder yeah I think
26:27you're kidding it
26:29uh
26:33at time when I give yous myself
26:36permission is a very good word
26:41give myself permission
26:45to let go
26:47of the pain
26:50and replace it with self-love
26:54which is self-care
26:56which is not narcissistic
26:59love yourself is not narcissist yeah so
27:03give yourself give myself permission to
27:05let go of the pain from the past
27:07permission is a key word
27:11and then replace it with self-love you
27:13know if I could meet Dr mangala now I
27:17really wanted to meet him and I found
27:20out where he was but I never really
27:23ended up meeting him in person he went
27:27to South America most of the Nazis went
27:31through the
27:34the
27:36Roman Catholics
27:39somehow help them to go through
27:43them to go to South America yeah
27:47what would you have said to him
27:49if you could have met him what would you
27:51have said to him
27:53I would probably tell him
27:56I have no idea of what I would have done
27:59if I would have been in your shoes
28:01you must have felt very powerful
28:04sending my mother to the gas chamber
28:09because he asked me
28:11is this your sister or is this your
28:14mother
28:15I still want to cry but now
28:18that stupidly I said it's my mother
28:22because I could not forgive myself
28:26that if I would have said my sister
28:29she wouldn't have gone to the gas
28:31company
28:33but then I had to
28:39recognize that
28:42did
28:44what I could no you did the best and I
28:47did the best I could yeah so forgiving
28:50yourself
28:52and not to judge yourself
28:54you got to
28:56you got to really truly do the work yeah
29:01that's powerful
29:03I'm curious suffering
29:05is uh
29:07make you stronger how much don't ask for
29:11it I don't want suffering
29:14you don't want you don't need to ask
29:16them no no no but it makes you sound
29:18happens
29:19recognize that it's temporary yes yes
29:22and you can survive it so you become
29:26your own good parent yes are you a good
29:29parent to you uh-huh now I am yeah after
29:33a lot of the healing work yeah now I'm a
29:36very good parent to myself yeah I feel a
29:38lot of Peace inside but I didn't feel
29:40that for years yeah
29:42you say what you live
29:45yeah
29:47that's good yeah it's a constant Journey
29:50you know congratulations thank you thank
29:53you but a lot of your you know the first
29:55time I interviewed you I was really
29:56inspired by how you
29:59shared so much wisdom about how to not
30:01take things personally and how to
30:03reinterpret when someone sang something
30:05to you just saying that well I actually
30:07you're saying the opposite to yourself
30:08of like how you love yourself and how
30:10you're generous and kind so I really
30:12appreciate that you know just that's
30:14very simple question whatever you're
30:17doing now you ask how is it working for
30:21you yeah is it empowering you or
30:23depleting you
30:25and I'm curious about potential you know
30:28the potential that each one of us has as
30:30human beings yes
30:32how much of our potential is limited or
30:36blocked or shut down
30:38if we do not learn to heal the different
30:41traumatic moments of our life
30:44can we still reach our potential if we
30:46don't face trauma or is it going to be
30:49limited
30:50I think we're gonna be chronic victims
30:53and every time you are a victim you're
30:56going to find the victimizer
30:59or you fluctuate between victim becoming
31:03victimizer
31:05and
31:08it's very important to
31:12think about
31:14what you're gonna say before you say it
31:17whether it's important but it is
31:20necessary and whether it's kind
31:24if it's not current
31:27is it important is it necessary as a
31:29kind It's Kind yeah
31:31if it's not kind you're just not gonna
31:35say don't say it
31:37how do we
31:40create a life where we don't become
31:43victims where we
31:46are empowered no matter what happens
31:48even if there is a something that occurs
31:51in life an event that feels like we are
31:53a victim how do we turn it so that we
31:55aren't a victim
31:57because I feel like being a victim is
31:59disempowering you cannot be a victim
32:01without a victimizer
32:04if you're a victim you're always going
32:06to find a victimizer
32:08or you factor it between victims because
32:12victims are weak and victimize ourselves
32:16are strong so part of the psyche will
32:20identify with the aggressive
32:23that's what we call a Stockholm Syndrome
32:26is there moments in life where we should
32:28be victims or is it never a good time to
32:32be a victim I think
32:36I
32:38like does anything good see myself
32:42that my identity would be being a victim
32:47I have no room for that in my life
32:51I'm not a victim I was victimized it's
32:55not who I am it's what was done to me
32:58very different mm-hmm
33:01very different
33:06innocent
33:07right
33:10because yesterday's victims can easily
33:13become today's victimizer that's true
33:18I'm sure you know a great deal about
33:21that um
33:23tell me
33:24well I mean I was I don't know if you
33:26know this but I was sexually abused when
33:28I was five years old by a man that I
33:30didn't know a babysitter's son
33:33and
33:34he was probably 16 17.
33:38and I've talked about this many times on
33:40my show but for 25 years I was angry
33:43about it I held on to the anger the
33:46frustration you know and I wanted to get
33:48back at people and I wanted to I always
33:51felt like there was an abuse happening
33:53to me like people were abusing me in
33:55life
33:56that was kind of the wound that I didn't
33:58heal and when I started the healing
34:01Journey 10 years ago I really allowed
34:04myself to let that go and forgive myself
34:06and forgive go through that age all of
34:09it yeah I mean it was a problem you
34:10cannot forgive without going well I went
34:14through it yeah
34:15and um and and when I thought about it I
34:20was like okay well
34:22maybe this child maybe this you go to
34:24therapy ask your therapist to sit on you
34:28to sit on me yeah and don't let
34:32you get up
34:33you have to fight your way up and
34:38get them off give it to him yeah yeah
34:40but good yeah
34:42to get that thing get it out yeah there
34:47is a difference between revenge and
34:50forgiveness yes
34:52Revenge gives you
34:54a satisfaction
34:57momentarily very momentarily beautifully
35:00said
35:02forgiveness
35:04gives you freedom
35:07so I had to go back to Auschwitz
35:11to that Lions then and look at the lion
35:14in her face to reclaim my innocence to
35:18assign the shame and guilt to the
35:20perpetrator not on yourself no yeah
35:24no more
35:26I'm free
35:29did you feel free from that moment
35:31forward or did did you have to go back a
35:34few times and really let it out more
35:38I think it's a lifelong process yeah
35:41really I didn't have to go back to
35:43Auschwitz no not
35:46at all I
35:49one of the things I was asked by
35:52physicians
35:54which was interesting have I ever saw
35:58birds in our streets ever saw Birds I
36:02never saw birds in our shirts why is
36:06that I guess the smell birds are
36:09probably pick up the terrible smell wow
36:14how long were you there for again do you
36:16remember I was there from May until
36:19December that's a long time
36:22yes
36:24you know my daughter called me from
36:26Auschwitz
36:27and she said I'm wearing a fur coat I'm
36:30wearing boots and I'm freezing what did
36:34you do Mom oh my gosh
36:37so I didn't have any boots I didn't have
36:41any fur coat I I had a little flimsy
36:45little something
36:47and I did what
36:50I needed to do how did you keep your
36:53spirit strong enough to survive that did
36:56temporary
36:57you told yourself this is temporary I
36:59don't like it it's inconvenient
37:03and don't say but and it's temporary
37:08because after all it is temporary yeah
37:12I don't know where we're going from here
37:16wow
37:17maybe I'm gonna meet my mom and
37:21you see what I miss
37:24that I never had a mother daughter talk
37:31like I mean after that yeah when when
37:34you get married you talk to your mother
37:37about sex about money about in-laws God
37:41knows whatever you have any of those
37:42conversations and they have those
37:43conversations I didn't have what do you
37:46wish your mom would have told you
37:49it's just for me not to fake anything
37:54to be my true self
37:59you know my mother told me that
38:03I'm glad you have brains because you
38:05have no looks you know that and so I
38:09became a very early diet
38:12um
38:13person I had my own book club I read the
38:17interpretation of Dreams by Freud when I
38:20was 14.
38:23yeah very different than
38:25nowadays children
38:28are
38:32are not really
38:36as curious
38:39I was always very curious
38:44what's gonna happen next
38:46where I'm gonna go from here you're very
38:49curious and I think the Curiosity
38:53helped me to survive wow the Curiosity
38:57the Curiosity
38:58well I'm glad I'm a curious person then
39:00you know I'm always asking questions and
39:03very curious yeah
39:04sometimes you're Jewish
39:07you know if you ask a question
39:09and you answered it with a question
39:12how are you how do you think I am
39:16I like that
39:18so something happened this weekend and
39:21you were contemplating whether you
39:23wanted to come here yes and we got a
39:26message yesterday that you weren't gonna
39:28come but then you did want to come yeah
39:30and I'm so sorry for your loss about
39:32your sister
39:34thank you from this weekend and I and I
39:37want to know
39:38um why you wanted to come here after
39:42your sister is passing this this weekend
39:46to bring you my true self
39:52that I'm grieving
39:54and feeling
39:56and healing
39:58my sister is with me the spirit Never
40:01Dies
40:05and I hope I'll be happy in my dead bed
40:07and I'm not gonna ask what the world has
40:11given me
40:13but you and I are going to probably ask
40:17how can I
40:19contribute to the world
40:23that makes us
40:26human beings getting together
40:30and see how we can Empower each other
40:33without differences and you can be you
40:36and I can be I
40:38[Music]
40:39mean and just Empower each other
40:42you do it your way
40:45I do it my way
40:47when we think about
40:49the perspective of what will the world
40:52give me versus what can I bring to the
40:56world into Humanity yes
40:59why do some people think what what will
41:01the world give me and what is the Trap
41:04behind thinking that way versus how can
41:07I be of service to the world yeah that
41:10give us some takers
41:12and
41:14hopefully I am a giver
41:18and
41:20I will do less blaming
41:25and pushing myself for more and more and
41:29more you know I just do the best I can
41:33and that's good enough yeah
41:36good enough is good enough
41:38have you been blaming for a while I I
41:41have been Maybe
41:44rough on myself
41:46that I could do more than I'm doing but
41:50I am forgiving myself that I could give
41:55and do the best I can to yeah I do get
41:58up in the morning and I look at life as
42:01one day
42:03the morning sunshine will not come back
42:05and
42:08and some very comfortable at 95
42:11hoping maybe that
42:15hadu what's humanly possible yeah and
42:18then hand it over to god wow it's
42:21beautiful
42:23I've got a few more questions I want to
42:25ask you
42:26um but I wanted to ask
42:29the biggest lessons that your sister
42:31taught you because you both experienced
42:33a very
42:34tragic event and for many months
42:37together you both you know learn to heal
42:40and you came together and you've you
42:43know you've had a great experience with
42:45her
42:46would have been the would have been the
42:48biggest lessons that she taught you
42:49because she was your older sister
42:51correct my older sister I was the
42:55youngest in the family the most Charming
42:58my family
43:02I uh
43:05I think my parents really wanted a son
43:07after two girls and I came along
43:11and that was not what they wanted
43:14and I felt it Magda
43:24it was a very good Survivor
43:27she was full of jokes
43:32they always talked about food
43:35that's all we talked about food
43:39I think
43:43she stopped really living
43:49and
43:52it's been now
43:55perhaps
43:59many many months
44:01or maybe years
44:04that she gave up her piano
44:07she gave up her
44:10piano lessons
44:13and she gave a bridge
44:15she was a break bridge player I think
44:18she played with Omar Sharif but I cannot
44:21guarantee
44:22[Music]
44:25but Mike there has been
44:29extremely brilliant
44:32with numbers
44:35so what she did in school she did your
44:38homework
44:40but she didn't want your money she wants
44:43you to bring her food
44:45a roast beef sandwich God knows
44:49Fried Chicken Maybe
44:53Fried Chicken
44:55it was always very good my mother bought
44:58little chickens and it was so delicious
45:02wow
45:04or Hungarian salami
45:07have you been to Hungary I haven't been
45:10I've been to Poland in other places in
45:14Europe but no you're hungry you're
45:16hungry I'll have to go yeah
45:19I think the hungarians are
45:23good survivors
45:25mm-hmm
45:30what's the thing you'll have that is
45:32that song again hungry
45:35that the woman is
45:38is best when she's beaten up wow it's
45:42not very common yes
45:45yeah wow yeah well
45:48Hungarian women and
45:51how to deal with man and give them
45:54complete compliments even when they
45:57don't deserve it wow so women are wise
46:02not smart but wise how to go through the
46:07man's stomach and make him the food that
46:11he likes like
46:15a certain roast beef
46:18that you make in Hungarian style or the
46:22chicken with a lot of paprika on it and
46:26garlic on it I make I make a very good
46:29garlic chicken we do I make it next time
46:33next time I'm in San Diego I'm gonna get
46:35some family and I will r
46:38I'm there for the chicken I do I'll do
46:41the chicken the chicken in a dance with
46:43you okay yes okay A little salsa yeah
46:46it's okay what would you say is the
46:49thing you hold in your heart dearest
46:51about your sister the thing you'll
46:53you'll take with you that humor
46:55you have humor
46:57yeah
47:00she had a lot of humor
47:02a lot of humor
47:05about
47:08men and women
47:13I didn't have at all
47:15and I don't have that kind of sense of
47:19humor you've got a great sense of humor
47:21yeah I do what it's different it's
47:24different yes
47:25I have a question about
47:28your yours your secret to living a long
47:31healthy life and with experiencing pain
47:35tragedy trauma loss sadness
47:39you you continue to thrive in your life
47:43touched inappropriately
47:46um
47:49you probably would have come to me and
47:51say
47:52Edie I don't know how to tell you that
47:55because you went to Auschwitz
47:58um and my answer would be
48:01I knew the enemy
48:04you didn't
48:06don't minimize it
48:08um
48:09you have the right to be angry
48:13but not to hold on to it or live by it
48:17you got to go through the rage
48:19creamy that
48:22yeah yeah but don't get addicted to it
48:26don't do anything in excess
48:30drinking smoking right
48:33raging yeah
48:35yeah
48:37rage is fear yeah fear
48:43and the biggest fear of a child
48:46is the fear of abandonment
48:48[Music]
48:51that is important yeah
48:56especially in midlife
48:59that is not the crisis but a transition
49:06you don't have your periods anymore but
49:09you know who wants to have babies and
49:11even no problem
49:14[Music]
49:15but I work with midlife
49:18issues a lot on a daily basis
49:23and it's it's a new beginning yeah
49:26it's a new beginning
49:29you become older and wiser not all than
49:33say not right
49:35so you're gonna write another book yeah
49:39working on another book which has a lot
49:41of
49:42teachings about healing in the book as
49:44well so and overcoming that
49:47but uh that's that's part of the vision
49:49but I'm I'm curious for you though what
49:51do you feel like has been one of the
49:53keys to living a long healthy life and
49:55uh with
49:57challenges and trying to lie to yourself
50:01not to
50:03not to try to please other people give
50:08up the need
50:10for the approval of others
50:13I think that's number one
50:16if you like me fine if you don't that's
50:19okay
50:20it doesn't mean I was rejected
50:25rejection is an English word
50:29that people make up
50:31to express a feeling when you don't get
50:34what you want give up the drama yeah no
50:39one can reject me but
50:42um that's true
50:44don't say I was rejected
50:46nobody has any power
50:50but you can reject yourself you can and
50:53that's the biggest betrayal
50:54if you do it to yourself you're better
50:57have a joke with yourself
50:59[Music]
51:00find that little boy who is still crying
51:04I'm looking for a good loving parent yes
51:08yes
51:09yeah
51:11and be a good mommy to you
51:14[Music]
51:15do you feel like you've done Eat Your
51:17Spinach
51:18do you feel like you've been a good
51:20parent to yourself over the years
51:24I could have been better
51:28um
51:29but there are two questions are
51:31important
51:33number one when did your childhood end
51:37um
51:39if you're a child of an immigrant
51:42you end up taking care of your parents
51:45you never had a childhood you never had
51:47that childhood
51:48very important and the second question
51:51is
51:53would you like to be married to you
51:58yeah that's a good one yes you gotta
52:00reflect people to ask themselves what do
52:03people say usually
52:10it's up to you who do you attract that's
52:13true
52:15true is there anything else you'd like
52:18to share today anything else that's
52:20opening up for you that you want to talk
52:22about
52:25my 95th birthday party
52:28what is this
52:30a couple of weeks ago wow I was thank
52:34you 95. thank you feeling alive 95
52:39feeling young young
52:42energetic passionate that's right
52:44dancing
52:46are celebrating
52:49so the question is how can you turn life
52:52into a constant celebration
52:56I love that how do you do that
52:59every moment is precious
53:05never throw at a piece of bread
53:12Holy Bible what you eat
53:17cook for yourself
53:19don't go to a restaurant so much
53:22because it has a lot of salt and a lot
53:25of sugar yeah
53:28tastes so good though
53:32yeah look for yourself
53:36and enjoy yeah
53:38every moment in life
53:40[Music]
53:43that's beautiful don't procrastinate
53:46and get rid of perfectionism
53:51I love those yeah you're human you're
53:54gonna make mistakes that's fine
53:57you've got a a couple of amazing books
54:00the choice and the gift uh which I I'm a
54:04big fan of and I know for years you said
54:07you didn't have anything to write about
54:08but those books are incredible
54:10I highly recommend people getting them
54:13Oprah loved them as well and you know
54:15shared them out and talked to you about
54:17those it's really impacted a lot of
54:19people in life so I really am appreciate
54:21and technology for how you continue to
54:23thrive how you continue to serve and
54:26give back to so many of us in our lives
54:29so I really appreciate and acknowledge
54:31you thank you Dr Rita for your your
54:34service and your wisdom
54:38and your joy
54:39I want people to get your books we'll
54:42have it all linked up for people but you
54:44also have a course
54:45which is really inspiring as well yes we
54:48have a wonderful course and I think we
54:51have now about 2 000 people who signed
54:55up but I think it's very important
54:58hopefully for me
55:01to write the book for teenagers are you
55:04going to be doing that now I I would
55:06like to do that I'd like to really see
55:09that teenagers can become
55:14ambassadors
55:15that's beautiful ambassadors for peace
55:20teens of the future and Goodwill
55:23yeah I think we need to take the
55:26children seriously and uh have
55:29conversations with them that is
55:32age-appropriate yes yes
55:36I can't wait for that book you have to
55:37let me know so we can have you back on
55:39for that book as well exactly
55:41um the course I know you have a free
55:43course about forgiveness as well so I
55:46want people to get the free course and
55:48we'll have it all linked up on your site
55:49Dr editheger.com
55:52and um forgiveness
55:55has a great year to do
55:58with letting go
56:01letting go
56:03so my definition of Love Is
56:07the ability to let go yeah
56:11whatever you're holding on to let it go
56:14let it go yeah
56:16not not going back A New Beginning
56:20so you're pregnant
56:23and you're gonna give birth to the you
56:26that was meant to be
56:28free
56:30freedom is everything yeah
56:33freedom from the concentration camp that
56:37is in your own mind and the key is in
56:41your pocket wow
56:43that's a part of your free course that
56:45people can get right now absolutely and
56:47then if they want even more you've got
56:49your Advanced course unlocking your
56:51potential so I want people to get both
56:52those good that's beautiful okay I have
56:55two final questions do you have time for
56:57two more questions sure okay I believe I
57:00asked you this last time
57:01uh but I want to ask you again
57:04um and it's called the the three truths
57:07question
57:08so it's a hypothetical question so there
57:12is all subjective exactly
57:15exactly exactly so
57:18I want you to imagine a hypothetical
57:21scenario for whatever reason
57:23you uh have to take all of your books
57:27and conversations and courses and work
57:29with you somewhere we don't have access
57:32to your content right
57:34and all we have access to are these
57:37three truths these three lessons that
57:40you've learned in your life that you'd
57:42like to share with the world what would
57:44be those three truths that you could
57:46share if you could only Share three
57:48things and we wouldn't have access to
57:49any other content you've created what
57:51would be those three truths stuff I
57:53think
57:54makes me stronger mm-hmm
57:58become your own good parent to you
58:01mm-hmm
58:06and find your little child in you
58:10who is crying
58:14and asking for a good parent and you
58:18show up for that child
58:20the little boy
58:22the little girl
58:26and how anything you do ask yourself
58:29whether it's empowering you
58:35or the preacher
58:38these are three powerful and don't say
58:40just this time nobody is gonna find out
58:43you know I'm gonna have a little drink
58:48yeah is it empowering or depleting you
58:51yeah that's beautiful to know whether
58:53it's really
58:55important that you become your own good
58:59parent yeah that's beautiful and then
59:02whether you're going to act upon it or
59:06not positive thinking has nothing to do
59:10with anything unless it's followed with
59:13the positive action that's beautiful
59:16well Dr Edith I want to acknowledge you
59:19I appreciate you for how you continue to
59:21show up how you continue to serve how
59:23you continue to give that's what it's
59:25all about your joy your generosity your
59:29attention your time and your wisdom so I
59:32really acknowledge and appreciate you
59:33I'm so grateful for you
59:35and uh I can't wait to have some some
59:38chicken from you soon that's right I'm
59:40gonna come and get some chicken from
59:41here we're going to have chicken
59:43together
59:44but most of all
59:46we're going to be colleagues yes and uh
59:51Taco guys that none of the academic
59:53knowledge really does any good
59:57unless you really have the knowledge of
1:00:00your life's work
1:00:02that you choose
1:00:05not to be a victim or the victimizer
1:00:08ever yeah that's beautiful
1:00:11my my final question what's your
1:00:14definition of greatness
1:00:21is to show up for life
1:00:24there you go thank you so much thank you
1:00:27appreciate you thank you bless you if
1:00:30you enjoyed that interview then I know
1:00:32you'll love what we have coming up right
1:00:34now
1:00:36you are you're one of the uh few
1:00:39um thriving survivors of the Holocaust
1:00:42yeah and you talk about in your book the
1:00:47gift that the actual experience for you
1:00:49was a gift how can you view such a
1:00:53traumatic experience for you with a lot
1:00:55of pain and loss as a any sort of a gift
1:00:59at all how is that even possible
1:01:02experience
1:01:03like Auschwitz
1:01:06was viewed very differently by many
1:01:10people
1:01:11some people entered Auschwitz and were
1:01:16so angry
1:01:18that they started to hit the guards
1:01:21and they were shot right in front of me
1:01:25and then there were others who ran into
1:01:27the world wires and they were elected
1:01:30electrocuted
1:01:32so you know the stress studies while
1:01:36hanselier tells us that anything
1:01:39stressful that comes to us you have two
1:01:42automatic responses you either fight or
1:01:45flee
1:01:46but none of those Works in Auschwitz
1:01:50so I call Auschwitz a classroom and a
1:01:55discovery
1:01:56discover my inner resources
1:02:01how I was able to turn the experience to
1:02:06discover
1:02:08how I looked at the guards that they
1:02:12were more imprisoned than I was that
1:02:15they were brainwashed and if you like to
1:02:18read the book by Max Weber
1:02:23both capitalism and a practice
1:02:26Protestant ethics
1:02:28referring to the Jewish people
1:02:31as a pariah and if you read Plato
1:02:35he's gonna tell you that the power of
1:02:39suggestion
1:02:41means that you think of a lie it has to
1:02:44be a big one and then you repeat it
1:02:47repeat it until people believe it
1:02:51and I think this is very important for
1:02:54people to question authority and not
1:02:58just to fight or flee but learn how to
1:03:02flow in a situation and discover the
1:03:07inner resources that is the gift to turn
1:03:10hatred into pity
1:03:13to be able to look at the guards and
1:03:17knowing
1:03:18that I could actually pray for them
1:03:22and I had my freedom Within Me
1:03:26that they could throw me in a gas
1:03:28chamber any minute I had no control over
1:03:31that they would torture me and beat me
1:03:35but they could never ever murder my
1:03:39spirit and that's what I bring you today
1:03:42that spiritual
1:03:45wonderful
1:03:46loving forgiving
1:03:49person
1:03:51that is not having time to be against
1:03:56but to be for something for life and for
1:04:01uniting for empowering each other
1:04:04without differences that you can be you
1:04:08you can like your own music and I can
1:04:11like my music that you call Supermarket
1:04:14music like I like the big band because I
1:04:19was liberated by the 71st infantry and I
1:04:23learned in 1945 how to dance the Boogie
1:04:27Woogie all right yes we'll have to dance
1:04:30when I meet you in person
1:04:33okay you can have your music and I can
1:04:37have my music and we can agree to
1:04:40disagree and we can just Empower each
1:04:44other without differences at all times I
1:04:48have so many things I want to ask you
1:04:49about how you were able to have
1:04:53compassion and understanding and pity on
1:04:56the guards when you're in a moment of
1:04:57stress and chaos and fear for your life
1:05:00every day and I would love to ask some
1:05:02of these practical questions uh later in
1:05:04this interview but I'm curious if you
1:05:06could educate my my audience and
1:05:09listeners about a little bit about your
1:05:11story of how you even got into the you
1:05:14know the camps and and the whole process
1:05:15of your life before then to when you got
1:05:17there what that was like when I was born
1:05:20into a Jewish Family
1:05:23and uh
1:05:25my parents had two beautiful girls
1:05:28uh Magda who is still alive and Clara
1:05:31who was a brilliant violinist and my
1:05:36parents wanted a son and I came along so
1:05:39I was really around and my sister sang
1:05:42songs about me because I was cross-sided
1:05:45that I'm ugly and puny and my mother one
1:05:49day told me very seriously I'm glad that
1:05:53you have brains because you have no
1:05:55looks and I think it's very important
1:05:59for people today to really see what
1:06:03messages they carry with them in their
1:06:06own head so they can really recognize
1:06:09that you can rewrite your script I'm not
1:06:13here to be angry at my mom but I became
1:06:17a very early teenager I read the
1:06:22interpretation of Dreams by Freud I had
1:06:25my book club and I had my boy boyfriend
1:06:29and we work together and we had our
1:06:33plans are we going to
1:06:37work as a team and are we going to get
1:06:41married and
1:06:43and that was of course all interrupted
1:06:47I think it's important to say that
1:06:50unfortunately
1:06:52we still have genocide as we speak
1:06:57but never in a history of mankind such
1:07:02as scientific and systematic
1:07:06annihilation of people existed by 15
1:07:10Highly Educated people for the final
1:07:15solution
1:07:16when they celebrated in the evening that
1:07:20they are now able to find a way to put
1:07:2530 000 Jews in the oven in one day and
1:07:31I'm part of that final solution of
1:07:35Eichmann you see we have a Nazi in every
1:07:38one of us
1:07:39find the Hitler in you
1:07:42and find the Mother Teresa and the
1:07:45kindness and the goodness it's all there
1:07:49I think God you know we are planted here
1:07:53in this earth and the way we water our
1:07:57plant the way we are able to that's why
1:08:00I tell young people don't spoke part
1:08:03because it's going to unfortunately
1:08:06interrupt the natural growth of your
1:08:10brain don't mess with your brain because
1:08:13the best movie you can see is the Karate
1:08:18Kid that the best power is brain power
1:08:22yes off wax on isn't it wonderful oh the
1:08:27way he doesn't want to do and go with it
1:08:31yeah and that's what you learn in
1:08:34Auschwitz that somehow you create your
1:08:39inner world because during the day
1:08:44I didn't know what will happen next
1:08:47that's why we are so unhappy now because
1:08:51we don't know what's going to happen
1:08:53next when I stood
1:08:55four o'clock in the morning we didn't
1:08:59know how the day is going to be we
1:09:02didn't know when we take a shower but
1:09:05our gas is gonna come out or who that is
1:09:07gonna come out
1:09:09so that is really that uncertainty
1:09:13that we are experiencing now
1:09:17because when you're angry you give your
1:09:19power away wow there are lots of
1:09:22emotions under the anger there is a lot
1:09:26of pain under the anger
1:09:29and what we do with anger we either vent
1:09:32it or suppress it I like to dissolve it
1:09:37see one should angry you also are
1:09:41experiencing anxiety and most of all a
1:09:46lot of fear anger is not a Primary
1:09:50Emotion when I'm angry at you you don't
1:09:53suffer I do I'm very very selective
1:09:56who's gonna get my anger I'm hearing you
1:09:59say we need to express our emotions but
1:10:01what if anger is an emotion that we want
1:10:04to express we can't suppress it so how
1:10:06do we express an emotion yeah but
1:10:09everything is energy anger is energy in
1:10:14motion yeah
1:10:15energy is something that you have uh to
1:10:20look at that you look at your
1:10:22expectation and then you look at reality
1:10:27you see there is a group maybe have to
1:10:31look at again whether your expectations
1:10:33are realistic or unrealistic
1:10:37and love is not what you feel is what
1:10:40you do that you commit yourself to
1:10:44someone else I had my sister in
1:10:47Auschwitz all we had was each other
1:10:50there so we had to move beyond the me me
1:10:55and commit ourselves to each other and
1:10:58form a family of inmates if you were
1:11:02just for the me me you didn't make it in
1:11:06your book you have a great a message
1:11:08that your mom shared with you before
1:11:10yeah
1:11:13yeah what did she share with you then we
1:11:16will put on a credit card my boyfriend
1:11:19said to me I will never forget your eyes
1:11:23and your hands
1:11:25so in Auschwitz
1:11:27I would say to myself if I survive today
1:11:32and then tomorrow I'm Gonna Be Free
1:11:36and I would ask everybody to tell me
1:11:38about my hands about my eyes
1:11:42and my mom told me in the color car
1:11:46she held me and she said we don't know
1:11:49where we're going
1:11:51they don't know what's waiting for us
1:11:54just remember no one can take away from
1:11:58you what you put in your own mind and
1:12:02that's exactly what happened
1:12:04everything was taken away from me and I
1:12:08still had my mind and my sister was your
1:12:12boyfriend taken away at that point with
1:12:14you as well or did he my boyfriend was
1:12:17taken away in another wagon and he was
1:12:22shot
1:12:23a day before Liberation
1:12:26so when I came home the first thing I
1:12:30did look for him and I was told by
1:12:34someone
1:12:36who saw him being shot a day before
1:12:40Liberation oh man isn't it that's
1:12:44heartbreaking it was and when I was
1:12:47liberated and I was in a hospital
1:12:52and I was put in a cast and I could
1:12:55hardly breathe but when I got up in the
1:12:59morning
1:13:00I didn't say what I said what for I had
1:13:05nothing to get up for
1:13:08and this is that existential vacuum that
1:13:11also
1:13:13um Victor Franco mentions when you have
1:13:16no meaning in your life I had no purpose
1:13:19in my life my parents were not coming
1:13:22home reality hit me
1:13:25and I was very suicidal after I was
1:13:30liberated
1:13:32and I know when God told me if you're
1:13:35going to die
1:13:36you're not going to be able to
1:13:38experience the life that isn't ahead of
1:13:42you
1:13:43and so
1:13:45you got to be for something
1:13:49and that's when I began to really commit
1:13:54myself
1:13:55to be forward live and for Survivor and
1:14:01forth becoming a doctor now and being a
1:14:05member of The Healing Arts profession
1:14:08yeah I I can't even imagine what it
1:14:12would have been like to try to put
1:14:14yourself back together and Find meaning
1:14:16and find purpose especially at 17 years
1:14:19old I think you were at that time 17 18.
1:14:2117 when I was liberating yeah 16 when I
1:14:25entered Auschwitz yes how do you start
1:14:28to approach finding meaning finding
1:14:31purpose when all purpose has been lost
1:14:34all almost all families been lost and
1:14:36taken from you yeah it's it's not about
1:14:38lost and found it's really discovery
1:14:43Discovery
1:14:44discovering something that no one can
1:14:48take away from you and that is a
1:14:51discovery and I hope that people are
1:14:55listening and they can also find a time
1:14:59out to discover
1:15:02that even though many many things didn't
1:15:06happen that way
1:15:07and they could have killed themselves
1:15:09because it's easier to die than to live
1:15:14and yet you didn't
1:15:16so I hope you can congratulate yourself
1:15:21and because we go through the valley of
1:15:24the shadow of death but we don't Camp
1:15:27there we don't set up house over there
1:15:30I'm not a victim I was victimized it's
1:15:35not my identity it's what was done to me
1:15:39a big difference because when a woman
1:15:42comes to me who was sexually abused I
1:15:46also became a diplomat in sexology many
1:15:50many years ago but
1:15:52if they tell me I don't know what to
1:15:54tell you Edie because I was sexually
1:15:58abused but you were in Auschwitz and my
1:16:01answer is you were more in prison than I
1:16:05was because I knew the enemy what was
1:16:09the enemy if you were touched
1:16:11inappropriately
1:16:13by a father or an uncle or somebody in
1:16:18the family and you keep that secret
1:16:22the opposite of depression is expression
1:16:27so what comes out of your body doesn't
1:16:31make you ill what stays in their doors
1:16:35that's why when people tell me many
1:16:38years write a book write a book and I
1:16:41would say I have nothing to say I have
1:16:45nothing to say so I encourage people
1:16:49you have a lot to say write a book
1:16:53you're gonna feel much better because my
1:16:57book is now at the table of my great
1:17:01grandsons and I have seven of those wow
1:17:06isn't that wonderful inspiring yeah it's
1:17:08amazing never give up never ever give up
1:17:11I love that you're an inspiration and
1:17:14you you know I am
1:17:16I experienced sexual abuse when I was
1:17:18five years old by a man that I didn't
1:17:19know it was a son of a babysitter that I
1:17:21went to and it took me 25 years until I
1:17:26started to express and for 25 years I
1:17:29suppressed and depressed the emotions of
1:17:33that trauma and that story in my mind
1:17:35and I was so ashamed that if anyone knew
1:17:38this about me no one would love me or
1:17:39accept me as a human being it was a
1:17:42story I continued to tell myself I love
1:17:44you for sharing that because shame is
1:17:47awful yeah everything has to do with
1:17:50addiction has to go back to shame and
1:17:55really look at that shame that you end
1:17:58up unfortunately even blaming you for
1:18:02something you never did
1:18:05and uh unfortunately
1:18:08I see that many perpetrators were also
1:18:13abused themselves
1:18:16so we got to really look at everything
1:18:19from generation to generation to to the
1:18:23mother-son relationship see I hold you
1:18:27beautifully
1:18:28as a mother
1:18:30but your father has a different
1:18:33relationship with you because when
1:18:36you're a little boy you look at your
1:18:38father and you make a decision that you
1:18:42want to be just like him
1:18:45or you want to be everything he's not
1:18:48so when you grow up
1:18:51you may become
1:18:53this wonderful person in your profession
1:18:57and you give up the need for your
1:19:00father's approval but when you say I'm
1:19:03never gonna be like my father then you
1:19:06want to prove something
1:19:08and if you want to prove something
1:19:11you're still a prisoner oh man that
1:19:15Rings true to me because for most of my
1:19:16life I was trying to prove people wrong
1:19:18I was trying to prove the kids who
1:19:20picked on me wrong the person who
1:19:22sexually abused me and it was never
1:19:24fulfilling I would I would prove them
1:19:27wrong by achieving or accomplishing and
1:19:30then I would feel unfulfilled and
1:19:31angrier after that you win the battle
1:19:34and you lose the world I that's how I
1:19:37felt for so many years until seven years
1:19:38ago I started to express and open up and
1:19:42start the healing Journey thank you
1:19:44thank you and that's like everything
1:19:46everything started to shift where I was
1:19:48like I no longer want to prove people
1:19:50wrong but I want to lift others up and
1:19:53help others heal
1:19:55and I'm curious it took me 25 years from
1:19:59my traumatic experience until I was able
1:20:01to face it and address it internally and
1:20:04start talking about it openly to heal
1:20:06how long did it take for you to start
1:20:09facing the trauma
1:20:11uh that was inside of you from this
1:20:13experience and and what was that process
1:20:16like when you started
1:20:19one thing I say that I never forget what
1:20:22happened
1:20:23it's my cherished wound but I don't
1:20:26overcome it I come to terms with it
1:20:30there is a difference so when you say I
1:20:34overcame
1:20:36I'm going to tell you that you just
1:20:40don't allow it to control your life
1:20:43anymore so you have your cherished wound
1:20:46and I have mine
1:20:49in our hearts yeah but don't try to
1:20:52overcome
1:20:53just make a decision that you're not
1:20:56gonna give an other inch and what you do
1:21:00give up is Revenge because forgiveness
1:21:03is not you forgiving him for what he did
1:21:08to you you're forgiving yourself
1:21:12and you give yourself a gift
1:21:15not to carry that anymore
1:21:18and that perpetrator that you let him go
1:21:24letting go is really the definition of
1:21:28love in my vocabulary the definition of
1:21:32love to me is the ability to let go to
1:21:38release but don't run from it don't
1:21:41fight it face it and when the feelings
1:21:45come up invited in it's okay to there is
1:21:49no forgiveness without rage you got to
1:21:52you got to you got to feel that rage
1:21:55don't be afraid to reach yeah don't have
1:21:58a drink
1:22:00to calm down no
1:22:02scream it out the opposite of depression
1:22:05is expression yeah and you're not
1:22:09revolving your evolving you know just
1:22:13like a butterfly we go through the
1:22:16metamorphosis and then we shed the
1:22:19Chrysalis so we can fly freely yeah like
1:22:23a butterfly
1:22:24I love butterflies I am full of
1:22:28butterflies all over my house I love
1:22:31that how long did it take for you to
1:22:33start to truly face it and embrace that
1:22:37that trauma was it quickly after was it
1:22:39years or decades not until I worked with
1:22:44two paraplegics both Vietnam veterans
1:22:48and one of them was in a fetal position
1:22:54uh seeking revenge and angry and cursing
1:23:00a country and God and the other one
1:23:06said to me you know doc I am sitting in
1:23:10a wheelchair and I'm so grateful
1:23:14that my God gave me a second chance in
1:23:17life
1:23:18I can see my children's eyes much closer
1:23:22and the flowers I can reach much easier
1:23:28and I am wearing a white coat and it
1:23:33says Dr eager Department of psychiatry
1:23:38and I feel
1:23:40like a biggest imposter because I kept
1:23:45my secret for at least 20 years never
1:23:48told anyone I was in Auschwitz really
1:23:52you didn't tell anyone no because I
1:23:55wanted to be you I wanted to be a Yankee
1:23:58Doodle then the I wanted to speak
1:24:00English without an accent I spent three
1:24:03years at the University trying to get
1:24:06rid of my accent look how far I have
1:24:09gotten and then I decided to go back to
1:24:12Auschwitz
1:24:14because I realized I could not get them
1:24:17further than I have gone myself what
1:24:21year did you go back to Auschwitz
1:24:23sometimes in the 70s so 30 years after
1:24:27you were there yes roughly 25 years you
1:24:30know I'd graduated with honors [ __ ] laude
1:24:33and I never showed up for my graduation
1:24:36because I didn't forgive myself that I
1:24:40survived wow see I didn't need a Hitler
1:24:43I had one in me you didn't go to
1:24:46graduation because you didn't you didn't
1:24:48think
1:24:50survivors geared that I survived and
1:24:54they didn't and why should you be
1:24:56celebrating exactly exactly so I think
1:25:00that we are our own biggest enemy and
1:25:04the biggest concentration camp is in our
1:25:07own mind and the key is in your pocket
1:25:13you know it's interesting EDI my brother
1:25:16went to prison when I was eight years
1:25:18old for four and a half years he was he
1:25:21sold drugs to an undercover cop and went
1:25:24to prisons back in the 1990s When The
1:25:28War on Drugs was a big thing and growing
1:25:30up in a small town in Ohio I didn't know
1:25:33anyone else who had went to prison as an
1:25:35eight-year-old and so it was a traumatic
1:25:37experience for myself our entire family
1:25:40that this happened to one of our family
1:25:42members and I remember going to the
1:25:44prison
1:25:46almost every weekend to visit him there
1:25:48was visiting hours and we could go and
1:25:50see it good for you since then so I
1:25:53appreciate to see you the Healer you
1:25:56show up I try to do my best you show up
1:25:59yeah I have been to a prison here in
1:26:02near Los Angeles a few times as well to
1:26:05work with inmates to help them take off
1:26:08take off the masks that hold them back
1:26:11the emotional Mass you change their
1:26:13lives I I do I'm doing my part the best
1:26:16and I when I was there I realized that
1:26:20some of these men who are have a life
1:26:23sentence in prison who are not going to
1:26:25get out have found have found peace and
1:26:27healing within yeah and they are in a
1:26:30prison for life but they have found a
1:26:33way to create peace in their mind and
1:26:35not be in a prison and yet there are
1:26:38some of us in the outside world who have
1:26:40certain freedoms physically but mentally
1:26:43we're in a concentration camp or prison
1:26:46like you mentioned why do you think we
1:26:49put ourselves in a mental prison right I
1:26:52think some of us do not think that we
1:26:55deserve
1:26:56so when it's good it's bad they don't
1:26:59even know how to really enjoy something
1:27:03they I call these people yes but yes but
1:27:07yes what and I say give me the what I
1:27:10give you an end yes and you know I clean
1:27:14up people's English that yes and
1:27:17furthermore you know and it's not why me
1:27:21but what now I can only touch you now
1:27:26what advice would you give to someone
1:27:28who is experiencing some type of
1:27:30traumatic event no matter and not to
1:27:34compare trauma but when someone goes
1:27:37through a breakup or a loss of
1:27:39expectations which might be traumatic or
1:27:42a near-death or a death in the family or
1:27:45any type of event abuse emotionally
1:27:47sexually physically what advice would
1:27:51you have for them from the moment they
1:27:53have that trauma on what they should be
1:27:56doing now x what steps I think the work
1:28:00that I do
1:28:01has to do with three things
1:28:05grieving
1:28:07feeling
1:28:08and healing
1:28:11you cannot heal what you don't feel
1:28:15don't medicate grief ever
1:28:18it's not clinical depression you know
1:28:22when I teach at a medical school that's
1:28:24the first thing I say
1:28:27please don't medicate grief it's a
1:28:31natural reaction to a loss yeah grieving
1:28:35feeling healing and healing and healing
1:28:39and it's a lifelong process
1:28:43and grieving has to do with
1:28:47acknowledging that you expected one
1:28:51thing and you got another and you were
1:28:54told one thing
1:28:55and then it didn't happen yeah and it
1:28:59didn't happen how do we learn to grieve
1:29:01better so that we don't shame ourselves
1:29:04for grieving or shame ourselves for not
1:29:07being more positive when something
1:29:09traumatic happens what's the what's a
1:29:11good process oh just cry
1:29:15crying is healing because what comes
1:29:20after your body doesn't make you ill
1:29:22what stays in there does so what we do
1:29:27with anger we either vented suppress it
1:29:33I like you to dissolve it anger is not a
1:29:37dirty word it's okay it's okay it's how
1:29:41long you're gonna hold on to it
1:29:43but don't deny it don't run from it how
1:29:46do we express anger
1:29:48in a relationship from a lost
1:29:51expectation in a healthier way where
1:29:54it's more dissolved as opposed to you
1:29:58did this and you did this exactly and
1:30:00you were wrong and because some people
1:30:02might interpret it and say well I'm just
1:30:03expressing my anger like Dr Edie told me
1:30:06to but not like that how do we
1:30:09communicate anger where we don't
1:30:10suppress it but we get it out in a
1:30:13loving healthier way when in English
1:30:16language someone says you you're gonna
1:30:20be dumped on
1:30:22just remember
1:30:24you're gonna be dumped on now you think
1:30:27of me I'm on your shoulder and say to
1:30:30yourself
1:30:32the longer they talk the more relaxed I
1:30:36become you take the negative stimuli
1:30:40immediately turned it into positive yeah
1:30:44I am practicing my low frustration
1:30:48tolerance level okay
1:30:52I'm not a shrink I'm a stretch you know
1:30:55you stretch your comfort zone
1:30:59that's what I learned in Auschwitz to
1:31:02stretch the comfort zone only children
1:31:05blame while you blame you're still a
1:31:09child wow I don't care how old you are
1:31:14you can be 20 40 or 80 you did this to
1:31:18me you made me angry try to make me
1:31:21angry and I'm gonna tell you I'm very
1:31:25selective who's gonna ever get my anger
1:31:28do you do you feel anger today and do
1:31:31you how do you personally express it if
1:31:33someone says they're gonna do something
1:31:35but they let you down if
1:31:38you don't see something in the world
1:31:40that's happening that's unjust you know
1:31:42how do you express this where it's not
1:31:45that thing having power over you but you
1:31:48expressing your feelings what you can
1:31:50really do with another person you let
1:31:52them know
1:31:54what their behavior what effect their
1:31:58behavior has on you and how you feel and
1:32:03what would you like instead you go to
1:32:06solution
1:32:08not defensiveness have you learned then
1:32:11you learn to negotiate and compromise if
1:32:15you're not willing to negotiate and
1:32:17compromise don't get married
1:32:21that's good advice yeah because there is
1:32:25no such thing as truth that is my truth
1:32:29and your truth in all relationship is
1:32:32going to have compromise and negotiation
1:32:35I think that we can really have a
1:32:39relationship that is based on
1:32:43commonalities see look at Romeo and
1:32:47Juliet we met a people we don't know
1:32:50most marriages are based on faulty
1:32:54expectations
1:32:56there is a gap between expectation and
1:33:00reality
1:33:01and then you have to look at the
1:33:04expectation but there you are realistic
1:33:07or unrealistic
1:33:10you cannot give me what you don't have
1:33:14see sometimes three women think that he
1:33:19is going to be giving me everything and
1:33:23anything at any time and there is no
1:33:26such one person we limit it I I can give
1:33:31you in my limited capacity and that's
1:33:35why it's good to ask or what you want
1:33:38and let the other person know what's in
1:33:41it for them
1:33:43and you make a deal if you do this I'll
1:33:47give you that
1:33:49if you wash the dishes we'll have more
1:33:52time together you know make it uh so
1:33:56that the other person really would like
1:33:59to give of themselves
1:34:02rather than waiting for someone else to
1:34:06make you happy that nobody will make you
1:34:09happy you make yourself happy because
1:34:12self-love is self-care is not
1:34:17narcissistic narcissistic people don't
1:34:20like themselves do you love yourself I
1:34:24want you to get up in the morning and
1:34:26look in the mirror and say Luis I love
1:34:30you
1:34:31I honored you there never be another you
1:34:36that's exciting to me very exciting that
1:34:40you're one of a kind diamond
1:34:43in a rough yes yeah you have a lot to
1:34:48look forward to yeah you will be too
1:34:51much remembered it's not who you are
1:34:56and I'm so sorry and yet I'm so grateful
1:35:00that I'm talking to a brilliant
1:35:03interviewer who is sharing himself with
1:35:07me
1:35:08that's really a gift to me I appreciate
1:35:13that I'm going to really cherish this
1:35:15interview because you are your you you
1:35:19put yourself into it and that's what
1:35:22it's all about I appreciate that thank
1:35:25you and I want to follow up to the
1:35:28conversation we're having about
1:35:29happiness just now when we expect
1:35:31someone else to bring us happiness in a
1:35:34relationship
1:35:35what does that do to us
1:35:37and how do we learn to love ourselves
1:35:40and find happiness
1:35:43whether the other person brings us joy
1:35:45or not in your opinion beautiful
1:35:48dependency breeds depression if I wait
1:35:52for you to make me happy I'm never gonna
1:35:56be happy and what is happy
1:35:58who is happy now with all this turmoil
1:36:02and when children are not being taken
1:36:04away from their parents when when we
1:36:07have all these millions of people who
1:36:10are unfortunately falling into that
1:36:13terrible covid-19 you know I mean what
1:36:17is you know it's a such a general word I
1:36:21don't really know how I want to use that
1:36:24word am I happy well I'm cheerful I am
1:36:30do the best I can
1:36:32but I don't know
1:36:34this word happy is me very general
1:36:39you mentioned about
1:36:41Auschwitz has the best classroom for you
1:36:44for me yes it was the best classroom my
1:36:47best education you know that is an EQ
1:36:50and an IQ thank God I have both because
1:36:54I did graduate with [ __ ] laude but the
1:36:58work I do has to do
1:37:02from One Survivor to another
1:37:06and together we're gonna be stronger so
1:37:09I hold your precious hand and be going
1:37:12to revisit the places where you've been
1:37:16and you're gonna tell it to me as if it
1:37:18would happen now see when I would work
1:37:22with you I would ask you to be five
1:37:24years old so you can really feel that
1:37:27feeling
1:37:29that you're powerless hmm and you don't
1:37:32even think that there is something wrong
1:37:34with it either because anybody who
1:37:37touches you and it feels good you know
1:37:39we'll build that way but it's very
1:37:42important not to suppress
1:37:46and keep that secret
1:37:49s are really unfortunately
1:37:52running in families and that's not good
1:37:56at all yeah I hope this is a time out
1:38:00when people can
1:38:02share and get it out what comes out to
1:38:06your body will never make you ill what
1:38:09stays in there does yeah maybe you can
1:38:12run groups for men yeah maybe you can do
1:38:16that
1:38:18and you can meet and and recognize just
1:38:23how much you have in common the man's
1:38:27brain is very different from our you
1:38:31know the hemisphere the left and right
1:38:34hemisphere is different in a male than a
1:38:37female
1:38:38that's why men want to understand
1:38:40everything
1:38:42I want to feel something and I come to
1:38:46the feelings
1:38:48how do you I don't ask how can I help
1:38:52you ever I see how can I be useful to
1:38:55you
1:38:56because I'm not doing it for you I'm
1:38:59doing it with you so should I stop
1:39:02asking how can I support you and say how
1:39:05can I be useful how can I be useful to
1:39:08you and
1:39:10how can I help you it's like Humpty
1:39:14Dumpty I'm gonna put you back together
1:39:16again there is no such thing I'm not
1:39:19Humpty Dumpty and I cannot do anything
1:39:22with you
1:39:24unless you're willing that's a very good
1:39:27word willing to be willing
1:39:30to revisit the places very well but I'm
1:39:34there with you now you're not there
1:39:36you're here with me you're safe with me
1:39:40I provide the atmosphere
1:39:44I had a 14 year old young boy who was a
1:39:49member of David koresh in Texas so he
1:39:53came to me and said I'm a good boy you
1:39:57know I know nothing about boots but I
1:39:59looked at his boots and I acknowledged
1:40:02it and then he got up and he put his
1:40:05elbow on my desk and said hey Doc
1:40:09it's time for America to be white again
1:40:13I'm gonna kill all the Jews wow
1:40:17using the n-word
1:40:20all the Mexicans and all the chinkos
1:40:25see if I would have reacted
1:40:28I would have dragged that boy into the
1:40:31corner I would have stepped on him and
1:40:34tell him how dare you talk to me like
1:40:37that because I saw my mother going to
1:40:39the gas chamber but you know I spoke to
1:40:42God in Auschwitz
1:40:45my spirit my Tinker Bell my spirit
1:40:49Spirit
1:40:51because people don't come to me they're
1:40:54sent to me
1:40:55and the most obnoxious person is your
1:40:59best teacher
1:41:03so I asked God what is the meaning of
1:41:07this
1:41:08and God told me find the bigot in you
1:41:12and I said it's impossible
1:41:16I came to America penniless I worked in
1:41:20a factory in 1949 they gave me seven
1:41:24cents a dozen to cut off box insurance
1:41:28I became the breadwinner because my
1:41:31husband ended up in a hospital
1:41:34but when I went to the bathroom
1:41:38set colored and I didn't realize
1:41:42that in America we have Prejudice
1:41:47Prejudice means to pre-judge and so I
1:41:50tell God it's impossible
1:41:53you see I'm not a Prejudice because I
1:41:56came to America and I and I joined to
1:41:58NAACP and I marched Martin Luther King
1:42:01it didn't do any good to me God said
1:42:04find the bigot in you and not until I
1:42:08created a environment for that 14 year
1:42:12old young boy who lost all his freedom
1:42:16to this David koresh joining the white
1:42:20supremacy Neo-Nazi group
1:42:23and I said tell me more
1:42:27and he never knew
1:42:30because I created the loving environment
1:42:35of the mother he never had
1:42:39and so this is it you know creating the
1:42:42environment
1:42:45for anyone that you are with
1:42:48that they can truly
1:42:52trust you and put even their lives in
1:42:57your hand but it was very difficult in
1:43:00Auschwitz
1:43:02to put your life into the nurse's hands
1:43:05so you know you have to be selecting and
1:43:09uh and think you can now create
1:43:14the young people in America
1:43:18to before something
1:43:20before uniting to to be good role models
1:43:26and I think you're a wonderful role
1:43:29model thank you so I uh I hope that this
1:43:33is your calling this is not my job
1:43:36because if you have a job you want to
1:43:40make the most amount of money with the
1:43:42least amount of work right but you're
1:43:45calling I never look at the clock I
1:43:50don't do this 45 minute hour
1:43:52I I don't really do that and I don't see
1:43:57one person after another I I give as
1:44:00much time
1:44:02time that's what love is t-i-m-e it's a
1:44:07four-letter wonderful there but you need
1:44:11time with you
1:44:14see what your head is telling you or
1:44:16your body talks to you all the time and
1:44:20the body never lies yeah I guarantee you
1:44:24what was your body telling you in
1:44:27Auschwitz did you feel like you had any
1:44:30hope at all was all hope gone so turn
1:44:34hatred into pity how did you have that
1:44:36wisdom at 16. I think I think I had a
1:44:41loving God I call Tinkerbell the free
1:44:45spirit that that I still had a choice
1:44:50do you think that's what kept you alive
1:44:52during that time was having that kept me
1:44:55totally alive because they took my blood
1:44:57a lot
1:44:59and I asked one time why are you taking
1:45:03my blood and he spoke to me in German
1:45:07that I'm taking your blood
1:45:09to eat the German soldiers so we can win
1:45:14the war and take over the world watch
1:45:18that especially America I didn't yank my
1:45:22arm my way of course I wouldn't be here
1:45:24telling you but I said to myself
1:45:28you stupid idiot
1:45:31I was a
1:45:33coming by Latina
1:45:35with my love with my blood you're never
1:45:39gonna be in the war
1:45:40so I had my humor within me not sarcasm
1:45:46or cynicism what kind of philosophical
1:45:49humor that I still had my spirit
1:45:54telling myself that
1:45:57I know better my blood is not gonna ever
1:46:01help you to win the world so you see
1:46:03again the choice the choice what are
1:46:08some of the greatest lessons you learned
1:46:09during that year some of the mental
1:46:12practices you discovered yourself or
1:46:15maybe that you witnessed from a friend
1:46:17or someone who is in there with you with
1:46:20me was a lovely girl from Yugoslavia
1:46:24and we were both very proud nationalists
1:46:29I was a very proud Hungarian and she was
1:46:33a very proud member of Yugoslavia
1:46:38and she told me
1:46:40that we're going to be liberated
1:46:44by Christmas and Christmas came and we
1:46:48were not liberated
1:46:50she died the next day
1:46:53don't set yourself up to something
1:46:57that has to happen have as many choices
1:47:01as possible
1:47:03that taught me tremendous amount how not
1:47:07to think black and white All or Nothing
1:47:10look at all the options the more choices
1:47:14you have the less you feel like a victim
1:47:19it's a very good question you ask very
1:47:23good questions thank you thank you
1:47:24you're a great interviewer thank you how
1:47:28do you create multiple choices when all
1:47:31of your choices are taken away in theory
1:47:33in Europe we used to ask is it good for
1:47:36the Jews you know but you can ask
1:47:39yourself is this the best I can do and
1:47:43chances are that's not the only thing
1:47:46that you can do
1:47:48that there are other choices
1:47:51that you're willing to maybe settle for
1:47:54something different hopefully that you
1:47:58are a realistic but not idealistic
1:48:02because they're not idealistic
1:48:04idealistic because when the ideas don't
1:48:08find what they're looking for they
1:48:11become sarcastic cynical
1:48:14hungarians are very sarcastic very
1:48:19cynical in in your book you have the
1:48:21book is amazing and I want everyone to
1:48:23get it but you talk about 12 imprisoning
1:48:26beliefs yes and I don't want to go into
1:48:29all 12 but can you share one or two that
1:48:32really stand out for you and then I want
1:48:34to talk about a couple of tools that you
1:48:37use that I like I do evolving or
1:48:41revolving my daughter of course it Ed
1:48:44ISM and I had someone who went to a
1:48:49marathon and somehow in the middle she
1:48:54stopped and she thought she are not
1:48:56gonna be able to make it
1:48:58but then she ran to my office and said
1:49:01Dr Lee girl I did it I did it I said
1:49:05what you told me to say yes I am yes I
1:49:08can yes I will so you're gonna find that
1:49:11somewhere
1:49:13um the other thing I told you that there
1:49:15is no forgiveness without rage you gotta
1:49:18go through that range and see whether
1:49:21you are ready
1:49:23to forgive because it's not up to me to
1:49:29forgive you it's up to me
1:49:33to be actually able to
1:49:37before myself and for myself needs to be
1:49:43free
1:49:44that I give myself a gift see I don't
1:49:48have any Godly powers to forgive you or
1:49:52anyone else but I do what's humanly
1:49:55possible and then hand it over so that's
1:49:58that would be a good one forgiveness
1:50:01would be very very important the other
1:50:04is to how do you find Hope in
1:50:07hopelessness I think that's very
1:50:10important very very very important very
1:50:14challenging and seeing you know don't
1:50:17cover garlic with chocolate don't put
1:50:19paprika on whipped cream you know it's
1:50:22it's just see see how you can find
1:50:26balance between working loving and
1:50:30playing you have a tool or an exercise
1:50:32where absolutely create a chart and
1:50:35exactly I love your exercise on
1:50:38forgiveness where you ask the person to
1:50:41write two letters to someone who hurts
1:50:43you
1:50:44can you share what those two letters are
1:50:46yeah well the first letter is older age
1:50:50that you have get it out get it out yes
1:50:54yeah you can because you're not gonna
1:50:57just get it out scream it out you SOB
1:51:01and use and whatever you can do how
1:51:05could you do this to me and just get it
1:51:08all out okay and because once it's out
1:51:11you're gonna feel better that's why the
1:51:14opposite of depression is expression
1:51:16you're gonna feel better you see you get
1:51:19to vomit out
1:51:21and then you write the love letter then
1:51:24you like what you are for rather than
1:51:28what you're against
1:51:30and so that's why two letters better
1:51:32than one letter but the one letter is
1:51:35very essential to get rid of the poison
1:51:39that is in your mind so write an anger
1:51:42letter of the things that they did to
1:51:44hurt you or upset you or let you down
1:51:46let it get it all out and then write a
1:51:48love letter where you're finding things
1:51:50to appreciate about what you're learning
1:51:52from that experience and it's okay to be
1:51:54disappointed as long as you don't ever
1:51:57allow it to lead it to discouragement
1:52:01and it's okay to be angry as long as it
1:52:04doesn't lead to resentment what happens
1:52:07when we hold on to resentment it's
1:52:09eating us up it's not a sign of
1:52:12self-love it's self-hate
1:52:15wow self-love does not include
1:52:18resentment no
1:52:20no wow that's a powerful distinction
1:52:22it's okay to be angry but how long you
1:52:26gonna hold on it's up to you because you
1:52:29hurting you you have to be a good mommy
1:52:33to you
1:52:35and good mommies don't criticize don't
1:52:39good mommies don't say yes but
1:52:42you're very handsome but you're fat but
1:52:46you're painfully no yes but yes and
1:52:51you're one of a kind beautiful God's
1:52:55child and you were planted here as a
1:52:58seed if I don't water my flowers in my
1:53:02backyard in this heat it's gonna die
1:53:06what do you use for water did you have a
1:53:09good breakfast did you have your protein
1:53:12shake or or did you have a donut with a
1:53:16with a Coke I've got a few final
1:53:19questions for you I'm I'm really
1:53:21inspired by this conversation and I hope
1:53:23we can do this in person in the future
1:53:25what was it like for you when you
1:53:27finally learned to forgive the Nazis and
1:53:31the part people that killed your parents
1:53:33and your friends and your community what
1:53:35was that like for you the feeling of
1:53:37forgiveness I I have a feeling that the
1:53:40Forgiveness with me at 16 started in
1:53:45Auschwitz just remember when we were
1:53:48evacuated and go from one place to
1:53:52another and I was used carrying
1:53:55ammunition and a top of a train for the
1:53:58Nazis so they wouldn't bomb but they
1:54:01bombed anyway
1:54:02so we went from one place to another and
1:54:05we ended up in April somewhere near
1:54:09Austria and we were put in a German
1:54:12Village and we were told that if we dare
1:54:16to leave the premises we were put into a
1:54:20kind of a Community Hall upstairs if you
1:54:23dare to leave the premises you're gonna
1:54:26be shot right away but my sister told me
1:54:29if you don't get some food I'm gonna die
1:54:32see she was more hungry than I was I was
1:54:35skinnier but I was a gymnast so I didn't
1:54:39care about that I went outside and I saw
1:54:43some carrots in the next Garden I had no
1:54:47respect for other people's property I
1:54:51was still a gymnast and I jumped and I
1:54:55stole the carrots can you picture me do
1:54:58that and the climbing the wall and I
1:55:02lead the god with a gun wow what
1:55:06happened I never held a gun in my life
1:55:10and I heard the clicking three times and
1:55:14I began to pray not for me and somehow
1:55:17there was an eye contact and he turned
1:55:20his gun around
1:55:22and pushed me inside but I had the
1:55:26carrots I give the carrots to Magda the
1:55:30following morning he comes and says who
1:55:33dared to break the rules and I'm
1:55:37thinking who knows he'll make kill all
1:55:40of us I better go
1:55:42and I'm crawling to him I can't even
1:55:45walk I'm crawling and I said it was me
1:55:49German people are starving he gives me a
1:55:53little loaf of bread I wish I could find
1:55:56that man he said you must have been
1:55:58hungry to do what you did there were
1:56:02good people I met the Diamond in that
1:56:06garbage face yeah isn't that amazing
1:56:09it's unbelievable I'm telling you that
1:56:11if I could meet that man today I mean I
1:56:15I cannot tell you I don't know how old
1:56:18he was and I don't know if he's still
1:56:21alive but please if ever anybody can
1:56:25hear that story
1:56:26I want to see that man what would you
1:56:30say to him would have killed me because
1:56:31he was told to care I would tell him
1:56:35that that
1:56:37I want to thank him for my life because
1:56:41we never knew when any minute we were
1:56:44told every day in Auschwitz that the
1:56:47only way will get out of here is a
1:56:49corpse so when people tell you anything
1:56:53all you have to do is put an eye in
1:56:55front of it you diss you that just put
1:56:58an eye that they talking about
1:57:01themselves what was the greatest lesson
1:57:03the Nazis taught you oh how to not allow
1:57:08anybody to poison my uh me how not to
1:57:14allow anybody to brainwash and
1:57:19and how to question authority and never
1:57:23adhere blindly to Authority
1:57:27yes taught me everything I practice
1:57:31today has to do
1:57:34to be for life and for freedom freedom
1:57:39is is my word
1:57:41freedom from the concentration camp that
1:57:46is in your own mind and what does
1:57:49freedom mean to you Freedom means to be
1:57:53my true self
1:57:55to be God's precious loving
1:57:58sea that was planted here for me to give
1:58:03to the world
1:58:05what can happen
1:58:07when good people do bad things
1:58:12so what I'm saying is that addiction is
1:58:14never a choice
1:58:15and it's not some kind of genetic
1:58:17disease that has told nonsense what it
1:58:20actually is is an attempt to solve a
1:58:22problem in your life in your case you
1:58:24were trying to solve the problem
1:58:26of being trapped which is based on your
1:58:30childhood trauma which you might

About this transcript

This page contains the full transcript of Holocaust Survivor REVEALS How To Find MEANING & PURPOSE In Life | Edith Eger & Lewis Howes by Lewis Howes, generated from the public captions YouTube serves with the video. The transcript has 14,764 words across 2,350 segments, with the original timestamps preserved so you can click any line to jump to that moment in the embedded player.

What you can do with it

Use the transcript to take notes, quote the speaker, build a study guide, generate a summary with ChatGPT or Claude via the YouTube Summary tool, or export it as a timed subtitle file with YouTube to SRT. You can also re-open it in the transcriber to translate the transcript into 100+ languages.

Free YouTube transcript tool

YouTube2Text is a free YouTube transcript generator — no signup, no daily limit. Paste any YouTube link and get the full transcript instantly, with timestamps, click-to-jump, translation to 100+ languages, AI prompts for ChatGPT, Claude, and Gemini, and exports to TXT, SRT, VTT, or Markdown.