"High School Reunion" -Gabriel Iglesias (exclusive bonus footage from "I'm Not Fat... I'm Fluffy") — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:03Oh my God yeah
2. 0:08So I get a letter in the mail from my old high school
3. 0:11And it's like
4. 0:12Ya know, time for the reunion
5. 0:14My girlfriend saw the letter she's like Ohhh! your reunion
6. 0:16And I go yeah my reunion
7. 0:17When is it when are we going?
8. 0:19Um...
9. 0:21Actually I was, I was gonna take my friend Tony
10. 0:23Cause you know we went to high school together he's my best friend since high school
11. 0:27So I was gonna take Tony
12. 0:30You're gonna take Tony instead of me?
13. 0:32That's what's gonna happen huh? You're gonna take Tony instead of me your girlfriend
14. 0:36You're gonna take Tony
15. 0:37No...
16. 0:39It's okay
17. 0:40It's okay you take Tony ok and I hope you have a great time
18. 0:45Aw, thanks I knew you'd understand baby, I love you
19. 0:51Don't ask too many questions you know?
20. 0:53So my buddy Tony and I we go to our school reunion
21. 0:56We get there early too early, too early
22. 0:58There's nobody in the banquet hall so we go upstairs to the bar area
23. 1:01We're watching a basketball game
24. 1:03Everything is cool until some guy recognized me
25. 1:06Hey you're the comedian
26. 1:08What's up dude?
27. 1:08Duuude... Funny bro, let me buy you a shot
28. 1:12Actually man um...
29. 1:14I have my reunion right now and I... I don't want to show up drunk
30. 1:17Awwwwww...
31. 1:19I see how it Is bro
32. 1:21You're too good huh that's what it is huh?
33. 1:24'Scuse me George Lopez...
34. 1:32Let's do the stupid shot
35. 1:33All right! Bartender shots!
36. 1:35So he freaking makes a double
37. 1:37And we freaking 'cling cling' and slammed it
38. 1:38I'm like ohhhh...
39. 1:40Thank you man, thank you
40. 1:42Let's do another one!
41. 1:43Ohhhh...
42. 1:44Hey man... I'm... I'm okay thank you
43. 1:46See how it is Paul Rodriguez?!
44. 1:51Let's do another shot...
45. 1:54And he kept this pattern going
46. 1:56He must have had like seven comedians behind his freakin' wallet, ya know?
47. 1:59One after another
48. 2:00I got so drunk I could...
49. 2:01It was a level of drunk where you can't even walk straight
50. 2:03You gotta look at the ground to navigate you know?
51. 2:05You're just kind of...
52. 2:09I get to the reunion
53. 2:10And here's a lady at a table
54. 2:12And she's got stickers on the table that say 'Hello my name is'
55. 2:16And then with a sharpie you write your name
56. 2:17I was so drunk I couldn't even write Gabriel
57. 2:21I wrote 'Flaco'
58. 2:23Which is Spanish for skinny
59. 2:25So you know I freakin' write that, stick it on
60. 2:27And we walk in
61. 2:28The party's going on ya know
62. 2:32I'm trying to find a table
63. 2:34My buddy Tony took off I couldn't find him
64. 2:36I'm sitting there I'm like oh my God
65. 2:39All of a sudden the lights come up and the class president is holding the microphone
66. 2:43Hello everyone!
67. 2:45Welcome to the Wilson High School class reunion
68. 2:49Let's just cut to the chase
69. 2:51Find out what everyone's been up to
70. 2:53And keep the party rocking
71. 2:55So she pulls out a list
72. 2:57Who's done this? Who's done that? Who has the most children?
73. 3:01Some girl in the back - Seven!
74. 3:02Everybody's like Puta!
75. 3:06Now you remember
76. 3:07OK
77. 3:09All right
78. 3:10She keeps going down the list
79. 3:11Who's done this? Who's done that?
80. 3:13Who... Who's been on television?
81. 3:15Everybody at my table who wasn't talking to me before
82. 3:18You know they weren't talking to me before
83. 3:19Now they're like
84. 3:20Right here, right here, right here
85. 3:22I'm like no, I'm drunk no shhhhhh
86. 3:25Sure enough here comes the girl
87. 3:26Oh, we have a celebrity over here
88. 3:29Come on say something
89. 3:31Get up here Flake-O
90. 3:32Come on Flake-O get up here
91. 3:35No no I'm ok
92. 3:36Oh come on, get up here, are you too good or what?
93. 3:39So I got mad and I jumped up... I'm not too good!
94. 3:45Um...
95. 3:47Everybody my name is Gabriel... Gabriel...
96. 3:50Iglesias
97. 3:57Umm, I don't want to say a whole lot right now cause um, I've been drinking and I
98. 4:01don't want to say nothing stupid
99. 4:05It's really nice to be here with everybody and...
100. 4:12I see two girls here tonight
101. 4:15Two...
102. 4:17Who, when I was in the twelfth grade
103. 4:20I asked out to the prom
104. 4:27And they said no!
105. 4:30Well you know what? It's ok, it's...
106. 4:32Let me go!
107. 4:35It's ok
108. 4:35You know why it's ok?
109. 4:37Because like she said I've been on TV
110. 4:40And you two girls who said no, you got fat!
111. 4:45One of them yells out , you're fat too!
112. 4:48I know I'm fat but I was fat in high school
113. 4:51I kept my figure why couldn't you?