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Help! I don't know what to do with my life #LifeAdvice | Hey Tablo Ep. 25 — Transcript

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0:01One of Hey Tablo's most popular episodes,
0:05is the life advice session.
0:07The reason is that life is (self mute) hard.
0:11Life is (self mute) annoying.
0:13Life is (self mute) aggravating.
0:16So today, we're gonna look at more life advice calls for help.
0:28Welcome to Hey Tablo.
0:29If you're having a hard day
0:31or a hard week or a hard month,
0:33I am here to provide light
0:37and sunshine.
0:41but before I begin, may I ask,
0:44if you're living somewhere in the United States or in Canada,
0:48if you're listening from those places,
0:51Epik High is gonna tour there September 30th and all through October.
0:55So please go to epikhigh.com
0:58check for your city and get tickets.
1:00See you soon
1:01All right, let's begin.
1:02So we asked the community, on our community board,
1:06"Do you need advice with anything?
1:08I'm not qualified to give advice,
1:11but I'll try, and you can take it or,
1:14or not take it."
1:16And there was a lot,
1:19a lot of comments.
1:20"I need some serious advice desperately.
1:24What do I do?"
1:25If I don't know what I wanna be in the future,
1:28what if I don't have any dream or ambition?
1:30What do I do then?
1:32It really feels like I'm stuck here while the rest of the world is moving forward.
1:38This is the perfect time for me to respond to this question
1:43because I recently... I was at this place
1:47and I was getting something fixed,
1:49like an i- item of mine, right?
1:51And the person who fixed it was like, "You don't need to pay me."
1:55And I was like, "What? No, I gotta pay you."
1:57And he's like, "No, I, I actually want some advice.
2:00Can you just pay me with advice?"
2:02And I was like, " I, can, can I,
2:06can I just pay you?"
2:07No, I'm kidding.
2:09so he asked me for advice.
2:10And apparently his, his kid doesn't know what they wanna do with their life.
2:19And the dad asked me, like, you know-
2:21You seem to know wha- you seem to know not only what you wanna do from now on.
2:28Like from watching your interviews, it seems like even when you were young,
2:33you knew what you wanted to do.
2:34So, like, how can I, advise my kid i- in a way where they'll have something
2:40that they wanna do in the future, right?
2:42And I was like, "Oh, I had no idea that I was gonna end up
2:47Being a musician or rapper
2:49or like a YouTuber.
2:51Like, I didn't know any...
2:53I didn't imagine until, like, I did it.
2:56I didn't, I didn't imagine, right?
2:59And I was like,
3:00"How old is your kid?"
3:01And not even in high school.
3:05So I'm like, "Come on."
3:07I'm like, "They're not supposed to know what they wanna do yet."
3:12And he was like, "Really?"
3:13And I was like, "Yes."
3:14Like- This, this is the period of time where, like, you just try a bunch of things.
3:19You just, like, you know,
3:20you just dabble in this
3:22and dabble in that.
3:23Because first you need to figure out what you don't wanna do.
3:28By the way a lot of people seconded this question, okay?
3:33And liked this question,
3:34so I, I think a lot of people are going through this.
3:36First of all, the future is exactly, like by definition, something you cannot predict Okay?
3:43So do not be hard on yourself for not knowing what you wanna do with your future or in your future,
3:48because no one does.
3:50Like, the future is not predictable, okay?
3:52So it's totally normal and okay for you not to know what you wanna do a year
3:57from now or 10 years from now
3:58So first of all, calm down.
4:00It's gonna be okay.
4:01And as I was saying, if you can't figure out what you want to do, Just try a bunch of things
4:08because it's just as important to figure out what you don't want to do.
4:12And that's what I told the dad,
4:14and that's what I would like to tell gotbangtan77
4:18try sports. Try different hobbies.
4:21You may like it, you may hate it,
4:24but learning that you don't like something will at least eliminate something in the way of you finding something
4:32you actually like, right?
4:35One of the Things that I do feel very blessed about,
4:39even though my parents were very strict and my upbringing wasn't, wasn't all rosy.
4:46There was a lot of pressure
4:48and at times, like, it, if, I felt like the pressure would crush me.
4:52But one of the things that I'm very, very grateful about
4:56is that I was pushed to do a lot of different things.
5:00I had to learn the violin.
5:03I did Believe it or not, look at me,
5:06I played ice hockey as a kid.
5:09Did you?
5:09Yes, in elementary school for years.
5:12I also played rugby.
5:15What? Believe it or not.
5:16Competitive, like, football as well.
5:19I played safety.
5:21Um, and I played all these sports where, like being small and Asian didn't help.
5:31And I played these, um, aggressive sports until kids started... Like, when we, when I first started,
5:38I was so young, and everyone else was too,
5:41that no one had hit their growth spurt.
5:43But slowly, some kids got their early growth spurt,
5:46and I started being, like, outsized by them, right?
5:50And this, and all the, all the sports that I was doing, like, was very physical So
5:56I was getting knocked around,
5:58um, getting injured, and it made me realize that I hate sports.
6:05But then later on in high school,
6:08I, for some odd reason, convinced myself that I c-
6:14I can be athletic again.
6:15And I tried out for tennis, I tried out, tried out for, um, varsity soccer, and I didn't make it
6:23And I actually got picked for JV soccer
6:28when I was a senior.
6:30But I was happy with that, right?
6:32because me a- and my friend Hansun,
6:34we both got picked for that team.
6:36And here's the thing.
6:39One of our games we went,
6:41and the other team, this was against regulation,
6:44but they put in two girls into their team,
6:47and our coach was confused.
6:49Our co- coach was like,
6:50"Wait, this, like What's going on here?
6:52There, like, there's a, there's a girls league too, right?
6:56So like, what's going on here?
6:57And I think they just wanted to practice on us
7:00because it had already, like,
7:02gotten around that we were terrible. And here's the thing,
7:05here's the thing.
7:06Hansun was like, "Oh s**t, we're gonna win for sure today."
7:09We got f**king destroyed. The two girls scored so many goals
7:17We got absolutely destroyed.
7:20Next day we get to school
7:21and everyone's like, "Ha, ha."
7:22You know how like, you know, we were childish.
7:25So kids are like, "Oh, you guys got beat by girls."
7:29So that was the, that was the second time that I realized I don't like sports.
7:36I'm not athletic, right?
7:38What I'm trying to say h-
7:39here is I can think of all of that as a waste of time, right?
7:43Because I ended up not doing anything in sports
7:46And I don't even really watch sports,
7:48to be honest.
7:49Like, I'm just not interested in sports.
7:51But the fact that I went through all of that and realized it, um,
7:57made me very comfortable doing everything but sports.
8:02And in my time in high school, you were... You know, they had words like jock, right?
8:09You were either a jock
8:11or a weirdo
8:13or a nerd Right?
8:15You could be one of the three.
8:16Okay? I, I, all these terms are all terrible,
8:19but, like, here's the thing.
8:20That made me, first of all, like,
8:23you know, cut out jock, right?
8:25Because I, you know, I just got destroyed, right?
8:28Yeah. So jock was out,
8:30and I could be a nerd or a, or a weirdo. But the thing is,
8:35here's the thing, like
8:38don't laugh at me.
8:39That's what the kids used to do.
8:41That's what they did
8:43You mean.
8:45But here's the problem.
8:47I couldn't be a nerd even.
8:50Like, I was by, by sophomore year in high school I was, I was quote unquote smart. But
8:56some of my friends... okay, so basically if you're not a jock,
8:59you don't have any jock friends from that point on, right?
9:02So I was with a bunch of nerds and weirdos,
9:05okay?
9:06And I was looking at my group of friends,
9:08and the nerds in my group were, like, clearly nerds Like,
9:14they were headed for NASA. Okay?
9:16And, and one of them actually ended up working for NASA. Ooh.
9:19But they were, like, just traditional nerds, like studying all the time and,
9:24like... And I was like, "Okay, I'm not, I'm not one of them."
9:29And then I looked at the two, three weirdos in my group,
9:32and I was like, "Okay, I f- I'm more comfortable with these guys,
9:35so I guess I'm a weirdo," right?
9:37And here's the thing.
9:38W- what they used to call weirdos was, like- If you are artsy,
9:43like if you were making like homemade movies,
9:46you know, writing little, you know, poems and stuff,
9:50and that's what I was doing.
9:51So I fit in immediately with the weirdos.
9:55But then I, I ran into some other weirdos
9:57and like, I was like, "Wait." So what happened is I went to college, and I was like,
10:03I immediately got grouped with the English lit crowd, right?
10:06The, the liberal arts crowd.
10:08And I was like, "Hey, wait."
10:09Maybe I'm not a weirdo because some of these people are really weird. All right?
10:14Like, I do not belong here.
10:18And that made me realize I should do something sort of outside of that circle,
10:22so I started rapping.
10:24Oh.
10:26So I was sort of, like, in the middle of, like, the, quote-unquote, "cool,"
10:32popular thing to do,
10:34and also, like, the weirdo, right?
10:36The weird stuff, okay? I- Mind you,
10:39I'm not using these words because I like these words.
10:41I hated these labels, okay?
10:43And these labels are terrible
10:44because how can you put a person into a label?
10:46Even the jocks, right? Even what we,
10:49the, the guys or the girls that we call jocks, like, they're, they're much more complicated and complex than that.
10:55But that's what just high school kids did.
10:58I don't know if kids still do that,
11:00but, like, that's what they did in the '90s, okay?
11:04And anyways this is, this is a long-ass rant to a question.
11:09I'm sure GotBangtan77's like,
11:11"Can you just f**king answer the question?
11:13I didn't expect you to, like, give a whole thesis.
11:16Like, I didn't... Tablo, you talk too much."
11:18Um, but what I'm trying to say is discovering what you are not,
11:22can nudge you towards what you are and who you are.
11:26So don't think of these things as a, as a waste of time. Try hobbies.
11:32And also, like- Don't feel bad for, you know, spending days just watching movies
11:39or playing games because who knows?
11:41Like pro gamers all started by just playing games,
11:44and I'm sure their parents hated it.
11:46I'm sure their friends looked at them like,
11:48"Oh, all you do is play games," right?
11:50And now they're being applauded for it.
11:53So you never know where you're gonna end up.
11:55And I never imagined I would be sitting here, um, giving life advice, honestly, right?
12:01Like I was a, at, at points in my life I was called a f**k up.
12:04Like, that's what people used to say. They're like, "Oh , Daniel's a f**k up." Right?
12:09But here I am giving life advice with people listening,
12:13you know? So, like, don't worry.
12:16And I'd like to finally add,
12:19I know the feeling of being stuck while everyone is moving forward,
12:23but let me tell you,
12:24everyone is not moving forward. You know?
12:26The, the, if you're basing that off of,
12:28like, what's visible,
12:30like social media or, like, what you hear, they're not gonna share all the moments
12:34that they, they tumble or, like, you know, they're not gonna mention that they, they fell for a few months or years.
12:41People usually share the good things, right?
12:45And the, the things they're proud of.
12:46So if you base it on what's visible,
12:49you're gonna feel like you're the only one that's stuck.
12:51But let me tell you, a lot of people, to move forward they, you know, they trip and fall.
12:57And to you, I might seem like I have it together
13:02and I'm moving forward all the time
13:04and I'm doing like, you know, a lot of, you know, good things and like awesome shiny things.
13:10But let me tell you,
13:11it just looks like that.
13:13Like to do those things, I, you know, I fall way more.
13:16I, I, I maybe like Out of 100 things I do, like 95 of them don't work out.
13:24So don't, don't, don't care about other people moving forward.
13:29I know it's hard to do,
13:30but, I mean, that's all I can say. Wow,
13:34this one's short and amazingly, uh...
13:38"I have a 14-year-old who is nothing but attitude How has humanity managed to survive when we have a phase as annoying as this?
13:50Ah, so the classic kids these days problem, huh? Let me just say,
13:57um, kids these days,
14:00ah, f**king kids these days,
14:01the youth these days,
14:02the young’uns these days.
14:04Um, if you go to, like, hieroglyphics There's like cave engravings
14:13where adults are complaining about the, the young generation these days.
14:18I seriously look it up, okay?
14:20Every period in history, all the way to ancient times,
14:25older people have complained about the, the kids these days.
14:29But the person who, um, commented this seems to understand that
14:34Because they're like, "How has humanity managed to survive when we have a phase as annoying as this?"
14:40So the, the commenter, the, our community member a- acknowledges
14:46that w- we were all probably like this at some point, right?
14:51Oh my God, I was annoying as f**k when I was 14.
14:56It's totally normal,
14:59but I have it a little easy To be honest, I'm, I'm not sure if I'm qualified to give advice
15:05because you guys have seen Haru, right?
15:08She of course she has moments of attitude
15:12or you know, like, she snaps at me once in a while,
15:15but, like, it's so mild
15:18and relatively I think she's, like, she's, you know, she's 16 now,
15:25but, like, we rarely fight,
15:29and I- she She knows where, like, to draw the line.
15:34So I think I have it pretty easy
15:37and I'm really blessed,
15:38but I have heard from friends who have, kids of, like, similar age that are just,
15:46like, f**king losing their minds.
15:49How can I advise here? I, I have no idea.
15:52We were all like that.
15:53You know, it's, it's a phase.
15:55It's a phase. Like, they'll They need to,
15:57you need to have this moment.
15:59It's better actually to have this phase when you're 14 than, later on. Like, some kids are,
16:06like, angels I heard until they're, like, 30, and then this s**t happens
16:12when they're, like, 30.
16:13They're like, "All my life I've been a f**king angel,
16:17and I get no respect.
16:19It's time for me to demand respect"
16:25And then they start going full 14-year-old mode
16:28when they're, like, 30.
16:30And you know how pathetic that looks? Okay, it doesn't, like, anybody... Y-
16:34you do that s**t outside or, like, at a restaurant,
16:37and it just looks terrible.
16:39So thank God your 14-year-old is acting like a 14-year-old now, right?
16:45Because if they don't do it right now, I guarantee they'll act like it
16:49when they're, like, 30, and even worse when they're 40 I swear.
16:54I have some friends,
16:56I'm not gonna name names.
16:57It's not, it's not Tukutz
16:59is actually very mature, okay? Like, when he needs to be.
17:04Um, but anyways, it's not Tukutz.
17:06Um, but
17:12That's where I'll leave it.
17:13It's not Tukutz.
17:16You're actually moving on. I'm moving on.
17:22Always high.
17:23Epik High.
17:24Do you live in the United States or Canada?
17:26Epik High is coming to you from September 30th all through October.
17:30Check for your city right now at epikhigh.com
17:33and get your tickets.
17:34Okay, here's another one.
17:36"How can I improve my English?"
17:39Okay, the fact that you wrote Englissssh,
17:43your English is already amazing,
17:45'cause this is how, like, this is how we text.
17:47Like, we al- we're always like,
17:49"How the... Yo, how can I Improve my Spanish. [phone ringing] Whoa,
17:54whoa, I'm getting a phone call. [phone ringing]
17:56여보세요?
17:57엽떼여?
17:57Yeah, oh, oh, Tukutz, what's up?
18:01어 안녕
18:03I, I'm doing Hey Tablo.
18:04헐 뭐임
18:07I
18:08전화 끊음
18:10he just hung up on me
18:12I mean, what-
18:16Isn't it hilarious he called right after,
18:18like, I was talking about It's Not Tukutz and then...
18:23Judging by the handle,
18:25I think it's someone who's Korean, living in Korea and wants to improve their English.
18:30Maybe you know,
18:31I've heard tha t a lot of people
18:32in Korea listen to Hey Tablo for English practice, right?
18:36So I'm assuming you're Korean and you wanna improve your English.
18:40I've noticed, I, I don't- I'm not a professor.
18:43I'm not, like, an instructor So I,
18:45I don't just take what I say as gospel,
18:48but what I've noticed looking at my members,
18:53they're actually way better than they think.
18:56Like, your English is way better than you think.
19:04But 90%, at least 90% of it is fear
19:09It's like being afraid that I'm gonna mispronounce words,
19:13being afraid that I'm, I'm, I'm gonna seem like I don't speak English well.
19:17But he- here's what I'm saying, like , in the States,
19:20like, people don't actually really care that much if you have an accent
19:24because so many people in the States, regardless of where they're from,
19:28they all have accents.
19:30Like LA and New York, different accents, right?
19:33So people don't really care, and it's I always told Tukutz, I was like,
19:37we were once watching this video of Jackie Chan,
19:40um, doing a, like, a late night show,
19:42and he was in, in the States. And
19:45you know how he has an accent, right?
19:47And his English is not perfect, but it was such a great interview,
19:51and I was telling Tukutz, I was like, "See? Like, you don't need to sound a certain way. Like, you just have to get your point across. And also,
19:59think of your accent as, like, your unique voice." And if Jackie Chan was in that interview
20:07and he was like, "Hmm, so I can't fathom that happening,"
20:13wouldn't that be weird? It would sound like a voiceover.
20:16That would be weird.
20:17It's part of your voice,
20:18so just embrace it and just do it.
20:20And if, if somebody's like, m- makes fun of your, you know, accent or like, you know, your grammar,
20:26then it- f**k them. Honestly, f**k them.
20:31Because They can't speak your language.
20:34You can speak English to the point where they can understand enough to make fun of you, right?
20:41So you speak one more language than they do. So if someone does that,
20:45and I've seen people do that, and people have done that to me,
20:48but f**k them.
20:50Another way of improving your English is this.
20:54It's actually an app that you can download called Speak.
20:58Speak, the app that stays with you until English clicks.
21:02There's no, like, hardcore studying involved.
21:06You just follow Speak's learning method,
21:08and you'll be speaking English in no time.
21:10I don't know if you've seen Epikase's episode where, like, we went to Las Vegas, and then we went to, like, Costco.
21:16And Mithra and Tukutz, they were able to speak perfect English
21:20and get around and get what they needed,
21:22and they used Speak.
21:24So go check that out as well.
21:25All you have to do is follow Speak's three-step method:
21:28learn Practice, apply.
21:31And Speak was chosen by a lot of influencers.
21:34Speak has made a special promo benefit for Hey Tablo subscribers,
21:37so go to the description box.
21:39There's a link.
21:40Go there, check out the benefits,
21:41and make sure to subscribe. There's al so a file that you can download that has great travel and business English,
21:48and that's exactly what Mithra and Tukutz need right now
21:51because we have a tour in the United States.
21:53So when we go on tour in October I'm gonna make sure they have this app as well
21:58so I'm not the only one that's speaking English on stage.
22:02Tukutz and Mithra are gonna f**king kill it on this tour,
22:04all thanks to Speak,
22:06our first advertiser.
22:09How much Hey Tablo has grown.
22:12We're finally doing ads now. So cute.
22:18What is Tukutz gonna make fun of us with now?
22:22But seriously, you speak and listen to Hey Tablo every week,
22:26and I guarantee your English will be,
22:28amazing by the year's end.
22:30Trust me.
22:33Moving on, how to deal with stupid people
22:36that need you to guide them step by step
22:41when the task is literally
22:43the basic ABC of their job.
22:46Like, how?
22:50Anyway, this person is my boss's daughter.
22:52Oh, no. I'm not gonna stereotype.
22:58I'm not gonna say it.
22:59I'm not gonna say it.
23:00I'm, I'm gonna say it. I- you thought it.
23:02I didn't say it. You, you thought it.
23:04You thought it. I did not say anything.
23:07Here's the thing.
23:08I legit thought this was written by people I know- in this room.
23:16There's two people in here with me.
23:18And both have literally said to me, "H I have to like, I have to guide this person step by step."
23:26Yeah, I'm not gonna say about who.
23:27It's n-
23:29They're not with us anymore.
23:30They're not, they're not here.
23:32It's just some people,
23:34like some people just, you just,
23:38you don't even know how they are in their position, right?
23:41Because not everyone is the boss's daughter,
23:43but they're there And they have a pretty good, you know, pretty good position,
23:47like pretty good title,
23:48and they're getting paid a lot.
23:50But, like, you work with them and you're like,
23:51"How the f**k did they keep their job," right?
23:55And then at some point you feel like you should be paid more,
23:59like because you're doing a side gig as a, as an instructor, right? Like teaching them the ways of life, right?
24:08This is how you, you know, print- paper.
24:12Like this is You go to the menu
24:15and you have to press print.
24:17O- okay, and then what?
24:19Like, what... And then you go to the f**king printer.
24:22you know, and then what?
24:24You f- you take the paper out.
24:26Like, you f- it's stuck.
24:31And then I'm just, I'm just like
24:33" f**k my life."
24:40I don't know what's worse This person who doesn't know how to print or my life,
24:47where day in, day out, I have to explain this s**t and,
24:52and tell him to search.
24:53To search how to print. Printer broken?
24:56Search how to fix.
24:58"But I don't know, like, with this specific model."
25:01Type the model in the search bar.
25:06Don't ask. Don't f**king ask AI
25:09But Gemini says,
25:11Gemini says this is what to do.
25:13Don't ask AI.
25:16Just search the model
25:18and write what's wrong with it, troubleshooting,
25:21and you'll see there, there, there, there's gonna be a homepage.
25:23You go there,
25:24there's like a, there's a FAQ,
25:25there's like a,
25:26there's a f**king online manual.
25:27Read the ma- "Oh, I don't wanna read the manual.
25:30It's so big."
25:32Ah, ah, oh, f**k my life.
25:37How did I end up here?
25:39What, what did I do wrong in a previous life?
25:42Did I do something wrong?
25:50what I've noticed is that,
25:52um, at certain companies,
25:54the, the less you do, the quicker you rise to the top
26:01I swear to God,
26:02there are certain companies where that happens.
26:04It's like company culture, right?
26:06But I've, I've seen certain, like, corporations and companies
26:10where, like, seriously the less you do and the less ideas you have that you express, the quieter you are,
26:20the, the... Because,
26:22because, okay,
26:23if you do a lot of work, each thing you do has a risk of Failing, right?
26:31And everything you, every little thing you create,
26:35um, you're responsible for, right?
26:38That should be rewarded in my opinion,
26:41even if you fail, right?
26:43For trying, for, like, coming up with new things.
26:47But there are, there are certain companies where It is much more beneficial
26:53to not be responsible for anything, right?
26:57When something goes wrong,
26:59to not have your name attached to it.
27:00You just look at the top, and if the people at the top
27:06are all sort of like, like this the... it's a company where,
27:10like, just shutting up and, you know, pr- seemingly doing work
27:15and not really creating any value is the quickest way to, like, rise to the top
27:19And you don't wanna be there, right?
27:21So recogni- if you recognize that, get the hell out of there.
27:23That's what I do. I just get out, right?
27:25If I, you know, back in the day, I've interned at certain companies,
27:29you know, like I've had, like I've worked at a coffee shop.
27:31I've worked at like f**king all sorts of places.
27:34And when I worked at these places,
27:37I would always look at the top, right?
27:39Who's at the top, right?
27:40And if these people are people that I can't learn anything from
27:44or they're, there's people that didn't earn their way there Then I just leave.
27:49'Cause I'm like, the highest I can possibly go is, right under them. Mm.
27:55Or I have to become them. Right?
28:00So if there's no one to respect at the top, leave.
28:04But if there's at least one or two people that you can learn something from, stay.
28:11Okay, this is I think this is relationship advice.
28:14"My mom doesn't know I'm engaged."
28:16Or more like, I think she's figured it out
28:19because I wear my ring around her
28:21but I haven't told her directly.
28:23She's known that I've been dating my fiance,
28:26but from the beginning she's refused to even hear me talk about him.
28:30It sounds childish, but it really hurts my feelings.
28:33Oh, it's not childish at all.
28:35It is, y- you, your feelings being hurt doesn't mean you're childish.
28:39It's actually, I'm, I'm not, I'm sh- not sure if I can say this,
28:42but it's actually your mom being childish
28:46but it really hurts my feelings.
28:48He's the best thing that's happened to me,
28:49and ironically, he's the one who's, reversed a lot of the trauma my mom has put me through.
28:55The one time she let me talk about him
28:57and I told her how kind and supportive he is, she responded,
29:01"Oh, so he's just useful to you."
29:03She's also started saying cryptic things like,
29:06"Oh, I tried so hard to raise you well."
29:09That's it. Doesn't finish the statement.
29:11That's... She just ends it there I have two college degrees, a master's, and I'm finishing med school.
29:17I think she raised me well.
29:19For context she was born and raised in the Japanese countryside.
29:25Asian household.
29:28We have another Asian household situation.
29:31we moved to America when my parents were in their, early 30s and I was one.
29:36My fiance is not Japanese, but he is- adamant about preserving both of our cultures for the family we create.
29:44This is a very layered situation, and I can go on and on about it,
29:47but I guess my m- underlying question is this:
29:50How do I stop caring about what she thinks and just live my life?
29:53Please help, Tablo.
29:55[sighs]
29:56I would, I would say two,
29:59the top two most difficult things in life is,
30:02one, realizing...
30:07your...
30:11Realizing that maybe your family doesn't actually love you.
30:17That's one of the most tough things you can, you can feel, right?
30:22And the second most difficult thing is realizing that
30:26and then cutting them off.
30:29these two things are very, very, very ha-hard because,
30:35um, the way we've been, you know trained to think when we watch, like, movies with happy endings
30:41and read stories and fairytales, like, you know, ever since we were kids,
30:46like, we, think, we tend to think of the family as, like, this perfect place, right?
30:52In an imperfect world.
30:53Like, it's the one place you can go where, you know, everyone's on your side
30:58and everyone loves you unconditionally.
31:01unfortunately Family is just, you know, made up of humans,
31:05just made up of human beings with, their own self-interests, right?
31:10You're just connected by a stronger bond.
31:14But that bond doesn't guarantee that they will love you the way you, you may need, right?
31:22And that works both ways.
31:23It's not just parents to kids,
31:25but also from kids to parents, right?
31:27Um, so realizing that is very difficult
31:31And I think the, the commenter,
31:34our community member here,
31:35has sort of realized that, right?
31:38And I, I, I second that.
31:41Like, y- I, As a... I'm a parent too,
31:46so I understand, like, there's probably multiple things
31:50that your mom is not happy about.
31:54I think one,
31:55maybe she's afraid of losing you
31:57and, um It's different when, like, you know, y-
32:00your kid gets married and they actually,
32:02like... That's when they actually, you know, become, like, a separate entity,
32:06and they actually physically leave the house, right?
32:09So it could be her, like, being afraid that you're leaving or, like, I don't know.
32:14It could be all of these things,
32:16and while what she's feeling might be justified,
32:21the way she's deciding to [sighs]
32:26she's deciding to, like- emote or express those things.
32:32It's, she's being very passive aggressive,
32:34which has led to you hiding,
32:38what c- what,
32:39what should be one of the happiest moments in your life,
32:43like one of the most defining like moments, right?
32:46What a beautiful thing.
32:48You, you're starting a new family.
32:49You've met someone you love, but you have to keep that a secret from your mom, right?
32:55And here's the thing Eventually when she finds out,
32:58she's gonna be yelling at you and guilt-tripping you.
33:04Th- that's what I think is gonna happen.
33:07Um, saying, "How could you keep that from me?
33:09How, how could you lie to me?" Right?
33:11When you had to keep it from her because of the way she was acting.
33:16You were reacting.
33:17It's not like you did that on purpose.
33:19Like, you d- you would love to share this with her,
33:22but you can't, right?
33:24I, it would be an ideal world if, your mom understood that.
33:29But I mean, first of all, try.
33:31You gotta give it all first, right?
33:33Like, you tell her that you, you're getting married. Um, try to, like,
33:40tell her that the way she's acting is, I- is not great for your relationship together.
33:47Um, it's not great for her Right?
33:49And tell her that, like, you, you know, you wanna start a beau- beautiful life, have a beautiful kid,
33:54and, like, you know, y- you're, like, y- you want your kid to go to your grandma and be like, "Grandma,"
34:01and, like, hug her,
34:02and, like, you'll create so many beautiful memories.
34:04And if none of that works
34:06a- and if she keeps it up, and you, you, you, realize that she's not gonna change,
34:12or your parent's not gonna change,
34:13or your family member's not gonna change,
34:15at some point you have to cut them off
34:18To protect your new family, right?
34:21The family you're gonna, you're gonna grow old with.
34:24Your husband-to-be,
34:25o- once he's your husband and you have a, you raise a kid together,
34:29this is the person you're gonna grow old with,
34:32and you're gonna share responsibility for a l- for a new life, right?
34:37While parents are important and, um, they should get applauded for the things they did to raise you,
34:46like You now, m- in the near future will become a parent, right?
34:52Like, you, you need to, you, you need to have your own life.
34:55Um, then you have to cut her off.
34:58Emotionally, you have to cut her off, and that's really hard to do because,
35:04it's just socially not acceptable.
35:07You know what I mean?
35:08Like, you, you feel guilty, and you feel like a terrible person.
35:11You feel like... In Korea, we have a word called ‘불효자(bulhyoja)’ Right?
35:15Which is just someone who's like, you know, t- you know, takes their parents' sacrifice for granted
35:21and is just is a, you know, ungrateful f**king piece of s**t.
35:27That's basically what that word means, right?
35:30And if you hear that like a,
35:33like a kid had to like, like a, like a son or a daughter had to cut off their parents,
35:38no one's gonna be like, "What happened?
35:41There must be something that happened," right?
35:44There, maybe the, the, the son or daughter tried,
35:46but like maybe,
35:48you know, it was just too much.
35:49Maybe it was destroying their, their, their life.
35:52Um, no one's gonna ask that.
35:54They, they're immediately gonna think that you're just a t- terrible child or a terrible son or daughter.
36:01And once you, once that label is on you, it's really heavy. It's really heavy.
36:06Because you don't wanna go around explaining to people why that had to happen
36:11even though You're hurting because of your parent.
36:16You don't wanna go around bad-mouthing your own parent
36:20even if they deserve it, right?
36:23And people who point fingers at you and guilt trip you are probably doing worse things, right?
36:31Some of them. But they'll do that.
36:34So it's a really hard thing to do.
36:37But I mean, this is your life,
36:40so you gotta live it
36:42And she's gonna find out,
36:43so just tell her and try first.
36:46You don't want the regret of not having tried to your fullest, right?
36:52You don't wanna look back in 20 years and think, [sighs] "Maybe
36:56I should have tried to convince her.
36:57Like, she doesn't even know what I felt."
36:59Tell her the way you feel, and hopefully it, it works out.
37:03Um, these situations are so hard.
37:07I mean- A lot of people deal with this.
37:10I don't know if that helps.
37:12this one's in Korean.
37:14I'll read it in Korean first and then using Speak- Turn it into English.
37:2220대가 다 저물고 곧 30대를 맞이하는데 When I,
37:26when I read, um-
37:28When I read Korean, like, comments, I go into, like, Korean like radio DJ mode.
37:3320대가 다 저물고 30대를 맞이하는데
37:36그냥 몇 가지 조언을 얻고 싶어요. 30대의 타타는 어땠는지도 궁금하고 마냥
37:42어린이일 줄 알았는데 서른이 되려니 너무 우울해짐.
37:46ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ. Okay.
37:49So this person is tw- about to turn 30 and, um, is wondering what I was like,
37:57what Tablo was like in w- what I was like in my 30s.
38:01And, um- What this person is feeling is like they thought
38:05they were gonna be a kid forever, but now that they're facing 30 they just, you know, they're scared and depressed, right?
38:16Let me just say,
38:1730's a baby. Oh, man, you're so lucky.
38:23Oh, 아 부러워~ You're 30?
38:26You're only, you're only turning 30?
38:30Oh my God.
38:31They're like, "Oh, a little baby, a little baby." Did you, you,
38:38you saw on Epikase
38:39when we ran into that person, like, on the mountain and also in Japan, like, the same person,
38:44and she was 30 and now she's 31. And, and like, and to us, that's like a baby.
38:50But of course, when I was turning 30, I thought... I was acting like...
38:55I was so dramatic.
38:56I was like, "Oh, my..." We went to, like, a noraebang, and we were singing 서른즈음에. Right?
39:01It's a song about turning 30, and we're, like, acting like, you know, it's the o- it's over.
39:05Like, you know, the next morning we're gonna wake up, and we're gonna have, like, this long beard.
39:10And we're gonna be talking in, like, parables,
39:12and, like... We woke up the next day, and we were just as dumb.
39:17Just as clueless, I swear.
39:21They asked if I'm, if what I was like when I was 30, right?
39:25You know that I turned 30,
39:28I was 30 when Haru was born.
39:31So,
39:33eh, so I had to like sort of, um, like get a gr- crash course in being like an adult, right?
39:41Not only had I suddenly gone from 29 to 30 I
39:45I was now becoming a dad,
39:48I was married,
39:49and also Tajinyo, the scandal wa- was happening.
39:54so not, not only like not just one change to my life,
40:00like I was also like, I, I lost my career and I had like, it was just everybody hating me.
40:07And a- and me actually being in physical threat.
40:10It wasn't just an online thing, right?
40:12Like, I was in physical- I was being threatened,
40:15like my life was being threatened.
40:17So I was dealing with all of that just as I was 30.
40:22So it's like I wanted to go, like, back into, like, childhood.
40:27I, I... You know what's crazy is,
40:29like, when all of that hits you at the same time, it, like, makes you,
40:33like, want... It, makes you a, a child again,
40:37'cause I basically 진...진짜로 Koreans popping out
40:42'cause I'm like... But seriously, like it was so overwhelming,
40:46all of that all at the same time,
40:48that like I, I, I seriously went like this.
40:51I was like... You know, like a, like a scared little kid in the corner of the room.
40:57Like, "What do I do?
40:59My parents are yelling. What do I do?"
41:03That that's,
41:03that's what it turns you into.
41:04And not just because I had, you know, that fantastical,
41:07like, scandal or whatever,
41:09like, s- terrible thing happen.
41:12Even that aside, just being a dad,
41:14because I'm so, I, I was so confused.
41:16I was like, "H this kid's so small, like, so fragile. I, and this baby,
41:20I don't know, like, how to even hold her.
41:21Like, what if, what if I drop her?
41:23Like, what, like, what do I, what, what is this? Like, w- a diaper?
41:26I ah."
41:31I was just as confused.
41:33I'm just saying.
41:34Um, I'm assuming that, um, the person who commented th- this I,
41:41I'm assuming that you don't have it as, as heavy as I did.
41:47You're just turning 30. That's it.
41:49You're gonna wake up tomorrow
41:50and it's gonna be just another day.
41:53And trust me at my age now, and, like, Tukaz and Mithra
41:57when we get together and we talk We were so young in our 30s.
42:02Like, we look back at pictures and, like, people say that, you know, Epik High, that, you know, we, we haven't changed much, but we have.
42:09And, like we, we had so much, more, you know vitality
42:17when we were 30. Like, I, I swear.
42:19So just enjoy it.
42:21Your 30s are gonna be awesome.
42:23And let me tell you, after that,
42:25your 40s are gonna be awesome, too.
42:26Just live
42:28just live without really thinking about it.
42:31I do, until the thought creeps into my brain at 4:00 in the morning
42:36and I wake up and I'm like- " f**k, I'm so old. What do I do?"
42:45And I w- and it's like 7:00 AM.
42:47And I'm like, "Ah."
42:55You're gonna be fine Oh,
42:57someone also asked, um, any advice for someone turning, entering their 40s?
43:01Well, I just gave it to you.
43:03Doesn't matter what age you're going into.
43:06just, just don't think about it too much.
43:10"How do guys know that they want to marry their girlfriend?
43:15How did you know with your wife?
43:16I love the Hey Tablo podcast.
43:18I watch the episodes on repeat."
43:20Thank you. I don't know how guys know that they wanna marry their girlfriend.
43:25I'm not those guys.
43:27No every guy is different, right?
43:30how did I know with my wife?
43:32well, like, h- here's the thing.
43:35When we first started dating, both of us, um, said to each other that, like, like, the whole, like, idea of getting married,
43:43like, we talked about it
43:46and we were like, you know, we're both, we were both fine just dating forever Without getting married, right?
43:53But at a certain point, even when we were, like, arguing and stuff
43:57like this, like, I felt like, uh... Yeah, I just, I don't know.
44:02It's just like you sense that, you just s- you just see yourself, like, getting old with the person,
44:11you know?
44:12And, like, good things and bad things, like, all of that together, like, you just feel like this would be a good person
44:19to have by your side And it would be great if you can,
44:23you can be that person for that person as well.
44:25And then like later on it,
44:27you know, one thing leads to another and it happens.
44:30I don't think anybody just like...
44:32I don't think they're... You know, like people always say
44:34that you just know.
44:36But I mean, if you just know, why, why would 50% of people get divorced? That, 'cause that,
44:47it just mathematically doesn't make sense.
44:50'Cause some, some, some just knew wrong.
44:56But I think people put too much into,
45:00um, m- that moment
45:02when you know you're gonna marry someone,
45:04or the proposal, or the wedding,
45:06or, like, or, like, falling in love.
45:08I think people put too much in that and not enough in the amount of work Daily, after you get married.
45:18It's not just like you,
45:19you have th- like this,
45:21this like bells ringing,
45:22like birds chirping moment,
45:25and then you have like 30, 40, 50 years of, you know, just happiness, happily ever after.
45:33That's not how life and love, you know, works.
45:36It's like every single day you, you, you work hard and Sometimes you,
45:42you, you know, you trip,
45:44and then the next day you try a little harder,
45:46and next... Every day is a test, right?
45:49And you just keep doing that.
45:50And my wife and I have been married for a very long time now, since 2009. Wow.
45:57So it's,
45:59in about three years it's gonna be... Damn,
46:02how long is that? 20 years. [gasps]
46:0520 years- Whoa we'll have been married Right?
46:09And same thing with Tukutz.
46:11Tukutz got married two weeks before me.
46:13Mithra was the, like, he was the last person to get married in our group,
46:16and he's been together for, like, more than a decade now, right?
46:19So what I'm saying
46:22is I don't think it matters
46:23that much how it starts and how you know.
46:27Just know that every day you work at it.
46:31How do you stay creative in a world that demands you to optimize everything?
46:36your time, your routines, your meals, your writing.
46:39Everything seems to be about optimization these days,
46:41and it's really getting to my head.
46:43I used to enjoy watching films.
46:44It came with so much,
46:46ease and excitement.
46:47Now I overthink the act of sitting down
46:49and watching the art house film that's been sitting on my list.
46:52It seems like it's a waste of time
46:54that could be spent, I don't know,
46:55creating a new business venture or something.
46:58Okay. I've given talks about this.
47:00t- like, I've been invited by, like, these big companies I,
47:04and brands to, like, speak to their, staff f- about, like, how to be creative.
47:11And I, I gave this talk about how things we, we consider a waste of time,
47:17absolutely are not a waste of time. But our society has, ugh,
47:25the, it's the hustle culture.
47:27And I, I, like, ugh, I, I don't even watch that s**t,
47:31but on my feed it's like- All these like hustle bros like f**king like,
47:37"Oh, how to build a billion-dollar business."
47:40You know?
47:40Like, you know, like what stocks to buy.
47:44You know, crypto.
47:45Like dude, like yo maximize.
47:48Yo f**king crush it, right?
47:51And like wake up at 2:00 AM.
47:52f**king put in your third workout by 8:00 AM.
47:56Have 19 snacks.
47:59And what are they doing?
48:01They're, they're do-
48:02they're on their phone posting that content.
48:05You really think these people
48:06are really maximizing their time?
48:09They're not.
48:09But this like these false promises have made,
48:15um, these quiet experiences worthless,
48:20seemingly worthless, and they're not.
48:24Watching art house films
48:26You will feel emotions that that,
48:30that the highly optimized crowd will never feel until it's too late.
48:36I've seen so many, people that have been, quote-unquote,
48:40"crushing it" for like a decade f**king absolutely crash out.
48:45Like literal just burn out within like a moment Right?
48:50And everything falls apart, right?
48:53Because they've never allowed room for being human.
48:59And then when, like, circumstances and, like, you know, bad fortune,
49:05like, hits them like a brick wall,
49:09they don't know how to overcome it
49:11because they've never felt this emotion
49:14But so many art house films are like so freaking heartbreaking and miserable to watch that you,
49:24you get vicarious like, um, experience with those emotions.
49:28Like you, you, like it's, it's like poking at you to like,
49:33to, to feel things that you, you normally would not feel, right?
49:37And then, and then you, you,
49:38you get ready You learn you,
49:42you f- you feel what it is like to be human.
49:46If you've never been near fire, the first time you see fire, you're either gonna jump into it
49:56or put your hand in it because it's so beautiful, right? Light's dancing.
50:02Only people who have had minor burns or understood that it can hurt,
50:08uh will know that fire is to be avoided or to be used, in a safe way.
50:16So that's what art prepares you for.
50:19That's why you read books. That's why you, you, you watch art house films.
50:25That's why you go to the opera.
50:26That's why you, like, watch ballet.
50:28That's why you watch Epikase and Hey Tablo, right?
50:33To experience a, like a kaleidoscope of emotions
50:38Before you're hitting a wall and being forced to experience that emotion for the first time.
50:45So do those things.
50:47And that's what I advised when I gave those talks.
50:50I don't do them anymore
50:50because I'm like, "Who am I to give advice to people who are like,
50:54who have like stock options and s**t?"
50:56Or like, headed for a billy. Um- I'm,
51:00I, I don't do those talks anymore
51:02'cause I don't really like it,
51:03and that's why I'm doing Hey Tablo instead, right?
51:05you can get it for free.
51:07And let me just say
51:08it's not a waste of time.
51:10Do those things and,
51:11and f**k optimization.
51:13We're not made to be an app.
51:16Humans are not made to be AI.
51:17We're not made to be software.
51:20We're, you know, we're unpredictable And if you don't embrace that unpredictability,
51:26it'll crush you
51:27because nothing in this world is predictable.
51:30You can't optimize for the future
51:32because it's literally just a big mystery.
51:39By the way, if you watched last episode, like you, you know how many movies I've seen, right?
51:44I, I watch movies all the time,
51:47and I don't care who says it's a waste of time.
51:50It is not a waste of time.
51:52It wasn't a waste of time for the people who made the movie,
51:54and it's not a waste of my time for watching them.
51:57Even if I watch a bad movie, like I, I, I learn something from that too.
52:02So like, just, just do it and don't let people tell you that like,
52:06you know, every week, um, listening to Hey Tablo and watching Hey Tablo is a waste of time
52:12Don't let them say that.
52:14Tukutz actually, actually meant it
52:17when he said,
52:19"Why are you doing a podcast?
52:20What a waste of time.
52:21No one listens." "No one listens."
52:26But you're listening.
52:28I don't care how many people listen.
52:29You're listening.
52:30You're asking for advice. We're talking.
52:32We're having a conversation.
52:34And let me just tell you,
52:35you guys asking me for help gives me help.
52:39Seriously It's today talking to you about these things,
52:44has been...
52:45I've let go of some,
52:47some things, you know, that I've,
52:49I've had no one to talk to about,
52:52like things that I was feeling.
52:53Even the, even if I didn't say it explicitly,
52:56some of the things that were mentioned today,
52:58like hit certain nerves and,
53:01and I can't talk about it.
53:03Like, I, I'm like a,
53:04I'm a leader in my team. I'm a, I'm a dad.
53:08Like I can't be the one at home,
53:10like, talking about the, you know, the,
53:13the sadness I feel sometimes.
53:16So sometimes I have nowhere to tell these, you know, things to.
53:22But just hearing your thoughts really helped me today.
53:25So maybe that's the solution after all.
53:29Tell someone.
53:31Always tell someone when you feel something that's perplexing,
53:36something That feels like it's lodged in your heart, just like tell someone.
53:41That's the first step.
53:44I'll see you next week.

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This page contains the full transcript of Help! I don't know what to do with my life #LifeAdvice | Hey Tablo Ep. 25 by TABLO, generated from the public captions YouTube serves with the video. The transcript has 8,274 words across 961 segments, with the original timestamps preserved so you can click any line to jump to that moment in the embedded player.

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