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HASTA SIEMPRE MI VIDA ❤️ Por y Para Siempre 💜🧡💜🧡 — Transcript

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0:00Hello everyone, how are you doing? I
0:02hope you're well. Uh, well, honestly, I
0:05don't know how to do this. Uh, it's not
0:10something that, uh, one expects to say.
0:14Uh, honestly, it's not good news, and
0:19I'm not, honestly, prepared, but some
0:22time has passed and I think it's time
0:25to make a video because it's the right
0:28thing to do. As I say, it's not
0:32something anyone would expect to say,
0:35it's not something I've fully come to
0:38terms with. And I also didn't expect,
0:43obviously, to have to make a video
0:45about this, but I think it's the least
0:48she deserves, and you all, obviously,
0:51of the channel. Uh, unfortunately, on
0:56September 9th, uh, it's been a little
1:02over three weeks now, but, uh, on
1:05September 9th, unfortunately, Eli
1:07passed away. Uh, there is no good way
1:21to say it. And no, no, no, I honestly
1:23didn't have in mind to do something
1:25like this. Uh, unfortunately, she left
1:31us on September 9th and I honestly
1:39didn't have the strength to make the
1:44video. It's not like I have it now,
1:46either. Uh, it's not something that the
1:50feeling will ease with time. Uh, it's
1:57not something that gets easier, but I
1:59didn't want to keep waiting because I
2:02know it's what she would have wanted
2:04and it's what's appropriate, and
2:07obviously people keep commenting. I'm
2:11not, I'm not answering comments or
2:14anything, but I keep seeing that people
2:17are commenting, and well, it's what we
2:20dedicated ourselves to and what made us
2:22very happy and made us very happy, and
2:25it's what's appropriate. I couldn't do
2:29it before. It's been a little over
2:31three weeks, it's almost been a month
2:34in a few days. Uh, but I'm not I'm not
2:43strong like she was. Uh, I know that I
2:48don't, I don't even know what I'm
2:51saying. I don't know how the rest of
2:53the video is going to go, I don't know
2:55what I'm going to say. I apologize a
2:57thousand times for the time it took me
3:00to do it, uh, for not clarifying
3:05anything, not making a post, honestly,
3:08it's like partly denial, partly pain
3:10and and I couldn't find. I obviously
3:17had to move and get settled and restart
3:19everything. No, it wasn't easy and, uh,
3:25it isn't now either, but I didn't want
3:28to keep waiting anymore. Uh, it's what
3:31I feel is the right thing to do. And
3:34well, I obviously wanted to clarify
3:36that. We weren't the kind of people who
3:40, even though we were on social media
3:42and everything, we weren't those people
3:44who always wanted everything to be
3:46public. That was more or less how we
3:49managed, we didn't know if it was going
3:51to change at some point. Uh, you must
3:53be wondering what happened. Like I say,
3:56we didn't used to share our things, but
4:00later I want to say something that
4:03isn't like a lesson, but maybe advice
4:06or a recommendation or something. Uh,
4:13and if it can help anyone at some point
4:15, uh, I hope so. Uh, like I say, we
4:20didn't used to make our private life
4:22public and all, and obviously it was
4:25more of a surprise. I'm going to tell
4:30it because I feel it's the right thing
4:32to do. It’s something that deserves
4:36an explanation, right? Obviously not
4:41with every single detail, but uh, to
4:43clarify what happened so it might be
4:45useful to someone. in the future. Uh,
4:52she, unfortunately, 3 months ago we
4:54were doing just fine, you might have
4:57even seen our World Cup videos and
4:59everything. Uh, that's why I say you
5:03have to be attentive to a lot of things
5:05. Uh, I'm going to explain it now, but
5:07well, it's hard for me. No, no, no,
5:09it's not something you have prepared.
5:11I'm telling how things happened, but uh
5:13, I'm saying things really as I feel
5:16them. It’s not something that comes
5:18naturally to me, because she was the
5:20one who had that spark and everything.
5:22I'm really not, it's not like that.
5:25Even though the idea for the channel
5:27was mine and everything, I can't uh say
5:29things the way she did, she had it much
5:31clearer. She was the excitement, the
5:34spark, everything. Uh, but well, uh,
5:38about 3 months ago, some time before
5:41the World Cup and everything, she
5:44started with a flu, a normal cough like
5:47the one we've all had at some point in
5:51our normal lives. uh it started with
5:56that. Uh, then she started to recover,
6:00she had almost recovered completely.
6:05Then uh on a day we had to go out, in
6:07that time when it was winter, we had to
6:09go out uh because she was getting
6:10something done to her hair, the
6:11straightening, because she had hair
6:13that was more uh uh curly, wavy, uh she
6:15would get it straightened. That day we
6:19got cold; she had almost fully
6:21recovered and got sick again, and that
6:24kind of took away the time we had to
6:26record, because we always prioritized
6:29feeling well, uh, and not sick and
6:31being well-slept, well-rested to pay
6:34attention to what we were going to
6:36record, to give it the attention,
6:38although maybe that wasn't the right
6:41way and we should have just recorded
6:43every day, no matter how we felt. But I
6:47don't know, at least I had that mindset
6:50at first. She more or less eventually
6:53started to share that idea too, of
6:55being well to record what we were
6:57seeing and to put the right emotion
6:58into it and to be able to talk about
7:00the topic and understand everything,
7:02and not just see things as if it were
7:04just another thing. That was like our
7:07priority, obviously, to enjoy it while
7:09we were watching it, right? As just one
7:11more thing. Uh, she had almost fully
7:15recovered. That day she caught a bit
7:18more of a cold, so she kind of got sick
7:21again a little, started coughing again
7:23and everything. And well, I took charge
7:27, told her to rest and everything so
7:29she wouldn't catch any more cold, and,
7:32and well, it wasn't like an indication
7:36that something else was going on, eh?
7:39So, she simply rested, she didn't get
7:41cold. Then, a few days later, in the
7:45middle of all those days, some little
7:47dots appeared on her, on her legs. And
7:50when several of those little dots
7:52appeared, which maybe she didn't,
7:55didn't tell me exactly when they
7:57appeared, perhaps so, so as not to
7:59worry me or anything, when she told me
8:02and we saw more dots appearing, we just
8:04said: "Well, let's, let's see what's up
8:07at the hospital." Uh, we went to the
8:10nearest diagnostic center we had. Uh,
8:14some people saw her, they gave her a,
8:17sorry, maybe for being graphic or
8:19saying the names, but well, it's more
8:21or less what happened. Uh, they told us
8:25it could be something called vasculitis
8:27and recommended we go to a
8:29dermatologist. Uh, so they gave us a
8:33referral. We went, we started sending
8:36messages everywhere to see where they
8:37could see her first and everything to
8:39see what was up, uh. Well, we took her
8:45there, uh, in the meantime, because she
8:48already had quite a few dots, in the
8:51meantime, the first one wasn't going to
8:54see us; we had to wait about a week.
9:00Well, we just waited, and in that week
9:03the dots went away. So it’s like we
9:07said, "Uh, well, let's go anyway, let's
9:09go ask what's up, see what happens.
9:11Let's go anyway." Uh, like I said,
9:14sorry for the explanation, but it's
9:15what happened and honestly, it’s not
9:16natural for me to just talk on my own.
9:19It’s what comes out. Uh, we went, and
9:21since they had gone away, she only had
9:23one or two left, it was like that. We
9:25were obviously more relaxed. No, no,
9:27it's nothing, it's nothing. Well, uh,
9:31the dermatologist who saw her told her
9:33the same thing: that, well, it was
9:35surely just something skin-related,
9:36that it had already gone away, that it
9:38would get better and everything. But
9:41she obviously sent us for some tests,
9:44uh, blood tests mostly and all, to, I
9:47suppose, see if anything else was going
9:50on. Uh, well, we started looking into
9:53that too and she went to get the tests
9:55done. Uh, she went to get blood drawn
9:59mostly, and the day she got her blood
10:02drawn she felt kind of sick. She had
10:07low blood pressure, she was like, maybe
10:10she wasn't the most athletic person,
10:12and we hadn't been eating well, or
10:14anything. Well, uh, so, well, that day
10:19she got her blood drawn she felt bad,
10:21but well, I’ve also had my blood
10:23drawn in my life and I know there are
10:25people who, when they get their blood
10:27drawn, it might hit them differently
10:29due to pressure or whatever. And well,
10:31uh, yes, but we felt something was
10:36weird, like maybe it was related to
10:38something, some anemia or something,
10:41because like I say, she never was one
10:43to eat very well, shall we say, or very
10:46completely. Uh, so we said, it seems
10:49like it's time to start getting our act
10:51together with certain things. We both
10:54agreed, obviously, and all. So,
10:56automatically, without receiving the
10:58results, we started eating well,
10:59getting our act together, because we
11:00said, "Well, we have to start doing
11:02things right." That was right during
11:06the World Cup stretch, where we also on
11:08the channel sometimes had this
11:09philosophy of: "Well, we have to, if we
11:12didn't sleep that well, let's...let's
11:14not record just in case; if we're
11:15feeling kind of off, let's not record."
11:20And so we had been putting off many
11:22things, many videos that got delayed,
11:24many things that were coming out and
11:26people were asking for and we wanted to
11:28do, but we maybe had that philosophy of
11:30: "No, let's not record if we're not
11:32feeling well," because if we do, we
11:34might not react well, it doesn't turn
11:36out as good, we don't, uh, we don't
11:38understand what's happening. Well, so,
11:42uh, we had that philosophy, but with
11:44the excuse of the World Cup, since
11:47Argentina, all things considered, at
11:49least reached the final, uh, several
11:51matches came up; so, it was like we set
11:54an obligation for ourselves to record
11:56more often and that's when we were
11:58recording the anime videos; she still
12:00had that cough. Uh, which like I say,
12:05it's not that she was coughing
12:07continuously, it was a normal cough,
12:08like anyone has when they get sick with
12:10a flu, considering the cold weather. So
12:14, it's like one unfortunately takes it
12:16as something normal. Eh, and well, even
12:20so we recorded, she put in the best
12:23effort, did the best she could and
12:28everything seemed under control. Eh,
12:34and well, before they started, before
12:36we got the, the studies, the results,
12:37we had already started to eat well, we
12:39had started to tidy up the room a bit
12:41because we had a lot of mess,
12:42everything. And and then, uh,
12:48unfortunately, just as we thought it
12:50was something simple, yes, her results
12:53showed that it was anemia, specifically
12:56iron-deficiency anemia. And the reality
13:00is that it made all the sense in the
13:01world because she hadn't been eating
13:03meat, she hadn't been eating a bunch of
13:04things that provide iron for a long
13:06time. So she had been, maybe, uh,
13:09getting winded faster, getting tired
13:12faster, she didn't have the same amount
13:15of energy. So one says, "Well, if the
13:18results show that it's iron-deficiency
13:21anemia and you look it up and find out
13:25about everything, uh, it makes all the
13:30sense in the world that it's that and
13:31that one is, you are getting tired
13:33faster because of the anemia." Well,
13:36anyway, when we got the result, we went
13:38to another, to another, to another
13:40hospital we had there where we lived
13:43and, and they basically told her that,
13:45because she was already eating better,
13:47they had already prescribed iron for us
13:49, and everything; it’s like maybe we
13:52didn’t do it as fast as possible, but
13:54we were doing the things we had to do,
13:56and one, uh, perhaps because of what
13:59the hospitals tell you and all, you
14:01stay a bit calmer to a certain extent.
14:05And well, at that last one we went to,
14:06they told us, "Yes, no, well, let her
14:08keep taking the iron, let her continue
14:09everything." And well, uh, we left
14:12relatively calm. Uh, the issue is that,
14:16well, the worst part is that the
14:18reality is that those little dots she
14:20had on her leg went away, uh, and when
14:23she was taking the iron and everything,
14:25some days she started to get up feeling
14:28better. So, we said, her cough went
14:30away, the little dots and the cough
14:32went away. So we said, "Well, fine,
14:35that’s it, it’s going to pass."
14:39Evidently it was just a bad moment, you
14:40had low defenses and everything. This
14:43is going to pass at some point, right?
14:46And unfortunately, during the last week
14:49before going to what I’m going to
14:51tell you now, she, uh, well, she
14:54started back up as if she had a relapse
14:57, she started breathing faster and
14:59faster, uh, she started getting more
15:02tired and all, the little dots
15:04reappeared. So we went, uh, to the
15:08hospital, basically to the Emergency
15:10Room and, and well, there, it’s like,
15:13I don’t know if I can say the names
15:16of the hospitals and all. I, I am going
15:21to say it, uh, which is what in reality
15:23we should have done from the start, but
15:26unfortunately, you think everything is
15:29going to be fine, uh, because she
15:31wasn't a person who got sick, uh, we
15:34weren't coming from a normal situation,
15:36as one would expect. She was 30 years
15:40old and never had any major problems.
15:45She, when she was a girl, she told me,
15:47that when she was a girl she also had
15:49problems with, with iron. So, we also
15:51associated it with that, we stayed calm
15:53thinking it was going to pass. Uh, but
15:55not much more than that. She wasn't a
15:59person who had some problem or some
16:01illness that caused something in the
16:04future. So it’s like you really
16:07don’t expect, you really don’t
16:09expect something so serious to happen.
16:12Uh, so we, uh, ended up going to the
16:14Fernández hospital, which is where my
16:17mom is also treated. uh, uh, the mother
16:20, known and everything. So, we went to
16:23the Fernández Hospital and and there
16:25they they had her, uh, hospitalized.
16:28Why? Because she was already struggling
16:31quite a bit to breathe when I took her
16:32in the car, and we got out and she
16:34tried to walk. She got tired very
16:36quickly, it was hard for us. Well, they
16:38hospitalized her, and, well, they kept
16:43her there all night studying her.
16:48Honestly, the care there was excellent,
16:50because I wish we had taken her in
16:51sooner, truly. Uh, they detected what
16:56it was that she had, right? It wasn't
17:00what they had told us, the vasculitis
17:02and a bunch of other things, it wasn't
17:04that, maybe it was associated and all,
17:06but it wasn't that. Basically, uh, it's
17:10called endocarditis, which is precisely
17:12, as I understand it, something like a
17:15bacteria that, like we all have,
17:18something that can come from the mouth
17:21and perhaps through a blister, a sore,
17:23a cut, something in the mouth that one
17:26might have, it can get into the blood,
17:29into the bloodstream, and that,
17:32unfortunately, goes to the heart. And I
17:38want to share this because it is
17:40something that can be, like, silent,
17:42because apart from the cough that went
17:45away and the little dots that we don't
17:47know if they definitely came from that,
17:50uh, they went away. But it's, like,
17:53silent, one. It’s not, it’s not,
17:56it’s not like you have much time to,
17:59uh, manage it and it was endocarditis.
18:06They detected it, that it was the type
18:08of bacteria that was from, from the
18:10mouth. We don't know at what moment, we
18:12don't know when. It is really very
18:15difficult to know how long she had it.
18:18Uh, it is really very complicated. It's
18:22something that, on top of that, isn't
18:23something that happens very often.
18:25Unfortunately, she had bad luck, which
18:27is what they told us there, that she
18:29had bad luck. And well, uh, they
18:34hospitalized her; they started giving
18:36her antibiotics because that was
18:39supposed to be for a long time, that
18:41she might have to be hospitalized with
18:44antibiotics for up to a month. But we
18:49said: "Well, she's young, uh, it's
18:51something that is a bitter pill that
18:54one has to learn from and get it
18:57together and do things." And well, uh,
19:03she remained hospitalized and was there
19:07for a few days, but it's like they
19:10couldn't...it's like it advanced and
19:14started to, to, to ruin other organs
19:20and, and, well, uh, they had to sedate
19:26her, they had to...they had to put her
19:28on a ventilator, because it was, like,
19:29getting worse. Even though they gave
19:31her antibiotics, it had damaged one of
19:33her heart valves. Uh, so the heart
19:37wasn't functioning well. And well, a
19:41very complex issue, sorry, as I say, I
19:43don't know how I'm saying it, I must be
19:46saying it very badly. I'm saying it as
19:49I'm placing it in my head and that in
19:50itself brings back the memories. So,
19:52it's kind of complicated. Uh Over there
19:57, specifically, was the Fernández. And
20:00they only did surgeries of that type
20:03one day a week. And she was in a
20:10complicated state, I mean, when she
20:12collapsed it was very late, so they
20:15didn't want to risk waiting that long
20:18because she needed the heart valve
20:20operation, which was basically, uh, the
20:23most important thing. Uh So they
20:29started sending alerts to all the other
20:33hospitals in the province and
20:35everything, and well, incredibly, uh
20:41They spent a lot of time sending them
20:43all day and they couldn't get a bed
20:45because the hospitals are saturated,
20:47everything is super complicated. Uh,
20:50when you're in that situation, you
20:52realize that sometimes you live outside
20:54of that. Even though I had a lot of
20:56issues, uh, when you see those things
20:59up close, firsthand, you realize the
21:01importance of a lot of things. And And,
21:07in the middle of the night, one of the
21:09days she was hospitalized, uh, the
21:11doctor came out, she was wonderful, and
21:14told us they had found a bed at the
21:16Argerich Hospital, uh, and they got it,
21:18and well, we said: "Well, it's a
21:20miracle because there they can operate
21:23any day in an emergency, at any, at any
21:25time of the day they can operate." Even
21:28if they have to pull a lot of things
21:29together, they can operate any day. Uh,
21:32so they took her, she was already
21:35asleep, she was already sedated,
21:37everything was already done. They took
21:41her there, left her, and told us she
21:43was very critical. This, as I say, went
21:47from zero to 1,000 because although she
21:50wasn't perfect, she didn't show a fever
21:52or symptoms that make you say, "Oof,
21:54you're super sick," and she wasn't. "
21:58Four months ago we were walking through
22:00Puerto Madero or we were at my birthday
22:02, we were all celebrating peacefully
22:04and she didn't show anything. That's
22:07why I want to say these things so that
22:09maybe you take them into consideration.
22:11Uh, they took her to the other hospital
22:13. They left her there, told us she was
22:16very critical, because they told us
22:17from the start she was very critical
22:21and well, they had to stabilize her to
22:23be able to operate on her. Basically,
22:25they kept her there for a couple of
22:27days and told us that on the day they
22:29had to operate, uh, it was very
22:34complicated. Not just the surgery
22:36itself in what they were doing, because
22:38it was a valve replacement, but in her
22:44surviving the post-op; in whether her
22:45body could handle it given the severity
22:47of, of, of the other organs and
22:49everything that had been affected. So,
22:54super complicated, and in a sense, the
22:57worst part, but she got through the
23:00operation incredibly well because they
23:03had told us the odds were low. You
23:07don’t expect to deal with these
23:09things with such a young person who
23:11didn't have a ton of problems, and
23:12receiving that news is like you’re
23:14saying," What the hell do I do with
23:18this? "" Uh, and she was super strong
23:22because she fought until the very last
23:26second and the surgery went well. Uh,
23:35they operated on her perfectly, the
23:37surgery went well and you could see
23:41right away that she started reflecting
23:43different values than what she had been
23:44showing. And well, little by little, uh
23:48, one hoped for a miracle. Uh, they
23:52told us that, regardless, the important
23:55thing was the first 72 hours, at least
23:573 days in which we had to...they had to
24:00see how her body was functioning after
24:02the operation, and that they were going
24:05to start removing the things she was
24:07connected to because she had many IVs.
24:10Since she was anemic, because she was,
24:12they were giving her a gazillion things
24:14to keep her going. And after the
24:18operation, there were 4 days during
24:22which they removed a lot of things, the
24:25vast majority, almost everything. So
24:29you say: "Well, we’re having a really
24:32bad time because we were, obviously,
24:34the family was, we were all there
24:37waiting and we were all really having a
24:39very bad time"; but you say: "Well, it
24:42was a horrible experience and we have
24:44to make the best of it and start
24:47pulling ourselves together, taking care
24:49of her and doing everything necessary."
24:54And after the fourth day, the hours
24:56they had told us about had already
24:58passed, just when I was with my mom, we
25:04would go and stay there for the midday
25:07visit, uh, just as we arrived, they
25:10were taking her back to the operating
25:12room. We were left wondering, what
25:16happened? They had told us that she had
25:20developed a hematoma, an infection in
25:22one of her legs, and that they were
25:24going to make some cuts, some incisions
25:26to relieve the area a bit. They told us
25:31that afterwards, it had gone well, that
25:35obviously everything is complicated,
25:37but it worked due to the pressure and
25:39everything there, and then we stayed
25:41for the night visit and left because
25:44you could only enter twice a day. And
25:49in the middle of the night, at 1 in the
25:51morning, a while after we had arrived,
25:53uh, they called us saying she had
25:55already suffered two cardiac arrests
25:57and that she wasn't responding, uh, to
26:04what they were giving her. She was
26:09coming along after the operation and
26:11improving for those 4 days, then from
26:13one moment to the next, we don't know
26:15why, we don't know if it was an
26:17oversight, and it was evidently, from
26:19what they told us, a hospital-acquired
26:21infection, uh, precisely through all
26:23the lines and everything, which is
26:25something that can happen. They had
26:27clarified from the beginning that it
26:29could happen, that they are the same
26:33viruses that are going around the
26:34hospital and everything. Uh, they told
26:39us that, that she wasn't reacting. And
26:43well, uh, we went that day, we went
26:45there at 1 in the morning, we took off.
26:48We stayed there because we didn't know
26:50what was going to happen; they told us
26:51she wasn't reacting to things. We
26:55stayed that day, and in the afternoon
26:57they said she was a little more stable.
27:01Well, and over the course of two days,
27:04uh, by September 9th, she was
27:06responding less and less and they
27:09called us, and when we went and
27:12everything, uh, she already no no her
27:15body, unfortunately did not did not
27:20respond anymore, it ran out of strength
27:21. She fought through everything and the
27:24doctors did everything. The doctors, I
27:26have nothing to say to them because, uh
27:28, they did everything and unfortunately
27:33, by September 9th, she didn't didn't
27:35hold on anymore. Uh, I know it's long
27:41and that I said it poorly. It's like,
27:44evidently, that heart issue ended up
27:46affecting her organs enough to the
27:49point where, well, her body collapsed,
27:52she had a relapse and couldn't hold on
27:55anymore. Uh, I'm saying it like this
28:04and it feels like a lot over, I don't
28:06know, half an hour, 20 minutes, I don't
28:08know, it's getting hard for me to say
28:11it right, more or less in order and
28:13reasonably acceptable. I don't think I
28:16did it well, but well, I hope something
28:19was understood. Uh, and well, there
28:25it's like everything collapses
28:28basically, uh, because as I say: she
28:32was young, she had a life ahead of her
28:37and and, unfortunately, on September
28:419th she left us, uh. And I, well, I
28:48lived there with her and I had to
28:51reorganize myself and move back to
28:53where I lived before with my family,
28:56and it’s a stretch in between
28:58that’s very complicated and I don’t
29:05mean it as a competition of pain, but
29:07maybe with an older relative, one
29:09expects it. We had actually lost our
29:12pet last year, uh, but well, he was a
29:18certain age, he already had heart
29:20problems, he was on medication. He did,
29:24no, he did, no, he didn't have those
29:29problems. It wasn't, perhaps it wasn't,
29:32neither of us was, that's why I say it,
29:34it's not just her. Neither of us were
29:37people who ate super healthy, like a
29:41lot of people, uh, or who took care of
29:44themselves, or exercised a lot like a
29:47lot of people do. Uh, she didn't drink,
29:52she didn't smoke. I, I do drink, and
29:56it's like one sometimes sees a certain
29:58injustice in those things and I know
29:59it's not something one should think
30:01about, but no, it’s really not fair
30:06because she didn't, she didn't deserve
30:09that way, that end, she didn't deserve
30:12that. And it's not a competition of
30:18pain, but maybe with an older relative,
30:21it doesn't take away the pain, but
30:23maybe with an older relative, uh, with
30:25an older pet, or someone who had been
30:28sick for a long time. Regrettably, one
30:32can expect it. It doesn't take away the
30:35pain, but one can expect it. But with a
30:37person like that who was young and who,
30:43three or four months ago, we were
30:45perfectly fine, and aside from a cough
30:48that one sees as something normal, uh,
30:54you don't, you don't really expect
30:56something like this. Uh, so I took this
30:59time because I had to get settled again
31:02, I had to start over now my life,
31:10because we really were together all the
31:14time and we shared everything. Uh,
31:17it’s impossible uh for me to explain.
31:21Uh, it’s not the it was all the time,
31:25all the time together. We had the
31:29YouTube thing in common, we had, uh,
31:31with the excuse of the World Cup we
31:33said: "Well, we have to step it up, we
31:35have to do things right, we can't wait
31:37until we're perfectly fine to record,
31:39we have to try harder and record as
31:41many times as we can to speed up the
31:43process and everything." And we wanted
31:46to step it up and with the World Cup we
31:48were starting to step it up and we said
31:49, "Well, we're going to start doing
31:50things right." And unfortunately we
31:52didn't have any more time. Uh, I’m
31:58saying this just because it’s how I
32:02feel, because if you have a partner, a
32:05loved one, a family member, whoever it
32:08may be, if you have a friend, or
32:11something, and you see them acting
32:14weird, see something off, insist on
32:17taking them in, because knowing her,
32:20since you want to see them better and
32:24say, "No, it’ll be fine, it’ll be
32:28fine, it’ll be fine," because it
32:30seems like nothing is happening, you
32:33just leave it be. Uh, but I felt that
32:38she was a bit strange, that she was
32:39doing a little worse. And maybe,
32:44whether out of denial, or not wanting
32:46to worry anyone, or taking it like I do
32:48and like I suppose many people do,
32:51saying, "Well yeah, it’ll pass,
32:53it’ll pass." Since it wasn't, it
32:57didn't seem so serious, you take it as,
32:59well, it’ll pass, and so, uh, you
33:04take it that way, but deep down, I had
33:07a hunch, I truly had a hunch that it
33:10could be something more. Uh, in fact,
33:18as soon as they admitted her the first
33:20day, she told me when I walked in, "You
33:22were right," because they had already
33:24told her it was something with her
33:26heart. And what are we going to do? I
33:35mean, maybe if we had taken her a week
33:36earlier, two weeks earlier, a month
33:38earlier, I don't know, everything might
33:39have been fine. Maybe, it's impossible
33:43to know. But if you have someone close,
33:50or your own life or the lives of others
33:52, I know it seems like a generic
33:54message, but value it because you
34:00really don't know when it's going to
34:01end. It takes just a second of being
34:16distracted, or a week, a month, and
34:21these can be the results. Uh, it's not
34:25like she’s been like this for a year
34:28or two, no, it's not that we were
34:30careless, but you see a cough, you see
34:32some spots, then they go away and you
34:35think, ah, well, it’s nothing. The
34:38same thing happened at the first places
34:40we went. Ah, it’s nothing, don't go
34:43to a good hospital in the ER, and if
34:47they tell you there that you can rest
34:49easy, well, maybe don't just stick with
34:51the first opinion, go to another place,
34:53because we said, "Well, it’s nothing,
34:55it’s just something normal." And no,
34:58the reality is that it isn't. Uh, if
35:02you have someone close or your own life
35:04, if you value it, do so. It's not that
35:07we didn't value it, but you think, "
35:10Well, no, it's something good, it'll
35:12pass." And no, it didn't. In her case,
35:15it didn't. Maybe in most cases like
35:17that. Uh, they told us, "She was really
35:20unlucky, unfortunately she was unlucky
35:22with what happened to her." Uh, so
35:28maybe it's a message that we all
35:31already assume and that you hear in a
35:34movie or from someone you watch if you
35:37like them or whatever. It's a generic
35:41or classic message, but really value
35:47every day of your own, of the person
35:52next to you, of some family member, of
35:54some...I mean, really value it. And, as
35:58someone who has been going through
35:59something for almost a month that I
36:01didn't, didn't expect to go through,
36:03and hers was over the course of more or
36:05less two weeks from when she was
36:06admitted during that whole stretch.
36:09That's why we weren't posting anything,
36:10obviously, and we weren't clarifying
36:11anything because we didn't know what
36:13was going to happen. Uh, in all that
36:16time you realize a trillion things you
36:19could have done right. And that's where
36:23the regrets come in and there's nothing
36:25worse than that, because I'm going to
36:27regret it my whole life and if it had
36:29been the other way around, she, I'm
36:30sure the same of saying, why didn't we
36:34go a week earlier, two weeks earlier,
36:36three weeks, I don't know? It doesn't
36:39matter, but why didn't I do things
36:42differently? And beyond the fact of
36:45feeling bad about losing the person,
36:48the issue of feeling on top of that how
36:51I could have done something different
36:53is even worse. Maybe it wouldn't have
36:58been different, we don't know, but it's
37:00worse to be left with the doubt,
37:02because life obviously happens like
37:04this and there are a lot of people who
37:06go through it in a lot of different
37:08ways, or accidents or, or because they
37:13were robbed and something was done to
37:15them, or natural disasters. And yes,
37:18there are a trillion people who also
37:20have a horrible time, huh? That wasn't
37:22our case and she didn't seem like, she
37:27wasn't a person who was unwell, who I
37:29don't know, who has been unwell for a
37:31year, two years, because there you say:
37:35"Well, but it was like a lot in the
37:37range of when everything started and it
37:39was going away in the middle and came
37:41back and all that." three months Put
37:46like that, it's a lot of days, but it's
37:48not like she's been ill for a long time
37:50. So, the reality is, go and get
37:56checked out. Go get your tests done,
37:59don't put it off, uh, don't wait, don't
38:03just settle for the first opinion,
38:05value every second. If you have someone
38:08you know, like I knew her, and you know
38:10more or less their certain attitudes or
38:13whatever...I felt like there was
38:15something wrong and I'm going to regret
38:17it for a long time, just like her
38:19mother did, just like everyone, saying:
38:21why didn't we go sooner? Why did we
38:24settle for the first opinion and not go
38:27somewhere else? Uh, and it’s not
38:32about paying for private care or not
38:35going to hospitals, uh, find out and go
38:38to a good public hospital or whatever,
38:41but get moving, because maybe you say,
38:44"Oh, no, I have to go early, I have to
38:47do this," right? bad. Uh, it's what I
38:54can say, hopefully to help someone,
38:57from someone who is going through
39:00something they never expected to go
39:02through. Uh, and well, I don't know how
39:08the video is going to turn out. I
39:10apologize for all the inactivity, for
39:14taking so much time. I had to more or
39:18less settle in, I had to distract
39:21myself a bit, start doing other things,
39:23because as I say: it's not like I fully
39:26grasp it yet because maybe, I don't
39:29know, I'm on the computer or talking to
39:31a relative or a friend and and you get
39:38distracted for a moment. But everything
39:42, for me personally, since I shared my
39:45whole day with her, uh, everything
39:47reminds me of her: the night, the
39:50loneliness, and all those things. Uh,
39:54after being with someone as good as she
39:57was, it's like you don't know what to
40:00do. Uh, luckily, luckily, uh I have my
40:08family, uh my friends, uh especially a
40:11friend I hadn't spoken to in a long
40:14time, but he was there for this
40:16difficult moment and that's what's
40:18important. uh her family as well. Uh,
40:25and well, uh, obviously the channel
40:28that we formed, uh, a lot of things
40:32that luckily, among the bad, uh,
40:35especially what she told me the last
40:39time before they sedated her and put
40:42her to sleep because of everything she
40:46had. Uh, because of those things I
40:53carry on as best I can and and it was
40:58the least I could do, a video trying to
41:00explain things. Uh, probably poorly,
41:04but there’s no way for it to be nice,
41:08or pleasant, or any better. And, and
41:12like I say, I was never...I had the
41:14idea and I did a lot of things
41:16regarding editing or whatever, but the
41:18one with the spark, the one who talked,
41:20the one who reacted and everything else
41:23, uh, was her. Uh, and she really was a
41:28great person, I mean, value things
41:44because I was really very lucky, and
41:47maybe sometimes, for I don't know,
41:51saying: "Well, no, today we didn't
41:54sleep that well, uh, let’s not record
41:57," uh, or whatever. No, we’re not
42:00going to do something else or maybe we
42:05didn't make the most of the time with
42:07the channel or together, even though we
42:10went on vacation, we did a lot of
42:12things, uh, you always say, "We’re
42:14going to have more time." And we wanted
42:19to go see Japan, we wanted to go to we
42:23wanted to grow the channel properly
42:25because at the beginning we put so much
42:27into it and then, even though we never
42:30abandoned the channel for more than a
42:32month, we always kept uploading, uh, we
42:34lowered the intensity a lot and wanted
42:37to get back on track. Uh, we wanted to
42:40do things right, we were literally
42:43talking because we were at the age and
42:46were settled to say, "Let’s start a
42:49family." Uh, and it’s all we had been
42:57talking about, because you think that
42:59unless something super bad happens,
43:00that is beyond your control, nothing is
43:02going to happen to someone like her who
43:04didn't have any other issues. and we
43:08think that you think that time is
43:11perhaps eternal really and it is not,
43:13it is not, it is not. Uh, so value
43:23things, value the person you have by
43:25your side, if that's the case, or your
43:27own life itself or that of a relative
43:30or some friendship, it doesn't matter,
43:32don't give up, don't settle for first
43:35impressions if you have the chance. She
43:39loved, she loved K-pop, uh, and I think
43:42there was a group that is TWICE, that
43:44no...I think they already had some some
43:46some concerts at the beginning of the
43:48year, I think it was, and we said, both
43:51of us were there, we said: "Well, no,
43:53but they’ll play again soon." And we
43:56left it. And in the end, with how much
43:59she loved K-pop, she never ended up
44:01going to a concert. And those are the
44:06things that stay with you, that stay
44:07with you, uh, because you take things
44:13for granted and think, well, you'll
44:15have more time, it doesn't matter, next
44:18year, in two years, it happens. And yes
44:23, in many cases it happens like that
44:25because people have time. She was
44:27unlucky, so in case you have that same
44:30bad luck, take care of yourselves and
44:34do things right. Uh, she really was the
44:39best, she had no malice. You just keep
44:54thinking that I personally would do
44:57anything to trade places with her. So
45:11what you saw of her in the videos was
45:13who she really was. Super cheerful.
45:20Always ready to help, and she had even
45:22qualified as a biology teacher a while
45:24ago, and she wanted to commit to the
45:26channel, and I asked her a thousand
45:28times if she wanted to continue with
45:29YouTube or what, and she told me, "No,
45:31let's keep going with YouTube." And and
45:38so what you saw on the screen was truly
45:41very good. And I really thank everyone
45:56who has been commenting all these years
45:59, because recently we had reached, uh,
46:045 years with the channel. Uh, and we
46:08were reaching 7 years of being together
46:10. Uh, maybe it's not 20, but it's a lot
46:14. Uh, we endured the pandemic apart for
46:18all those months. Uh, then I came up
46:21with the idea for the channel, because
46:23I watched a lot of reaction channels
46:24and I and I proposed it to her, and she
46:26loved it, and we and we did it. And it
46:30took us a lot of months uploading
46:32videos that had two views, and, maybe
46:34they had 10 views and five were ours
46:37because we checked to see how it was
46:39going, eh? And people started joining
46:44in and we made it grow. We didn't need
46:461 million subscribers or 20,000 views.
46:50For us, having spent months with two
46:53views, what we were getting was really
46:56a lot to us. It was a lot and it is a
46:59lot. And even all these days when I see
47:02people keep commenting, I I didn't have
47:05it in me to reply. I I didn't have it
47:07in me to make a post. Besides, I wanted
47:10to make a video, even if it didn't turn
47:12out well, like now, uh, I wanted to
47:14make a video and it was the least I
47:16could do. Uh, and well, uh, the truth
47:25is, no, no, I didn't expect, no, you
47:30would never expect to say something
47:33like this, least of all me, maybe at
47:36this age with her, uh. We aren't 15,
47:40but we aren't 70 or 80 either, to be
47:43talking about something like this, and
47:46much less having to make a public video
47:49. It’s something that, I don’t know
47:52, I’ve even seen videos like this
47:55from other people, so I know I’m not,
47:59sadly, the first one, and probably not
48:02the last, and it really sucks, honestly
48:05, uh, so I don’t know, I don’t know
48:12if I’m going to edit it, or just
48:13upload it all, I don’t know how long
48:15it’ll be. My apologies if I didn’t
48:18explain myself well, honestly I don’t
48:22if I had done it sooner, I don’t know
48:23if it would have turned out better. If
48:25I do it in two months, I don’t know
48:26if it will turn out better. This
48:28isn’t something that gets easier with
48:31time. I thought maybe it would start to
48:34get easier. I started doing certain
48:36things in between, like hanging out
48:39with friends, uh, getting back into
48:41sports. Yes, it eases up. You get
48:45distracted momentarily, but when you
48:48share so much time with someone,
48:49everything reminds you of her. For me,
48:52everything is a reminder, and it’s
48:55not something I want to forget either.
48:58So it doesn’t get easier, you just
49:01get used to it. Uh, someone watching
49:05this video has surely gone through it,
49:08sadly or—unfortunately, I hope not,
49:11but they will go through it. That’s
49:15why I say if you have the chance to
49:18take a trip or go somewhere or discover
49:21something, or do something related, I
49:23don’t know, to work or with your
49:26partner or with—it doesn’t matter,
49:28it doesn’t matter. Something you feel
49:31you need to do, that you’d like to do
49:34, just do it. And regarding health,
49:37obviously, don’t neglect it in the
49:39slightest. I mean, you’re not going
49:43to go to the hospital just because you
49:45have a slight headache, maybe; but if
49:47you see it’s something lasting one,
49:49two, three, four days and you see that,
49:51well, go. Go somewhere good, really,
49:56the best place you can find, go, take
49:58the time and go. Because if we had
50:02perhaps done that, by taking a little
50:05more time one day early in the morning,
50:07if we had done it, maybe things would
50:10be different and neither her family,
50:12nor my family (because they adored her)
50:15, nor any of her friends would be going
50:18through something like this, and she
50:20could still be shining like she did all
50:23this time. You want to hold on, maybe
50:29I’m not the most religious person,
50:31but I want to feel that she is here
50:33anyway, watching over me or the family,
50:41and that she will be forever grateful
50:43for all the years we spent on the
50:47channel and that everyone supported us.
50:52And well, I honestly want to believe in
50:55that and I want to feel that, and that
50:58there really is an afterlife and we
51:01will meet again at some point. And well
51:13, uh, thank you truly for all this time
51:17that you gave us your support. she
51:21carried 95%of the reactions in that
51:23sense because of how she was. Sometimes
51:27she even commented, but I was the one
51:29who generally answered the comments, uh
51:31, almost all the time. She would read
51:33them later, mostly because of spoilers
51:35and everything. And sometimes people
51:37would come and comment, "No, because
51:38she's too exaggerated." And I know it
51:41seemed like that sometimes, but she
51:43could—we each had our own computer
51:45and I could turn around and she was
51:47watching something and she was reacting
51:49like that or or or she'd scream and and
51:51all those things. we were there in the
51:54room and she really reacted that way,
51:56and it came naturally because she had
51:58that energy, that spark and everything,
52:00and she was like that with everything.
52:02Uh, I in the future, the only thing
52:14I'll say, the channel is obviously
52:16going to stay here. Obviously we have
52:20more than 17 videos. even more than all
52:24those they've deleted for for copyright
52:26, for everything, uh we have a lot more
52:28. Uh, and the channel is going to stay
52:32there, obviously it's going to stay
52:34there, it's not going to be deleted, it
52:35will stay there. Uh, we, uh, since we
52:43were also more or less getting our act
52:44together and everything lately,
52:46sometimes we'd reply: "No, we already
52:48recorded it and we'll be uploading it
52:49soon," because, obviously, we thought
52:51we were going to have more time. There
52:54were a ton of things we didn't manage
52:57to record, with how much she liked
52:59Doctor Stone. She missed the last
53:02episodes, a bunch of anime. I know it's
53:05the least important thing in something
53:07as tragic as this, but with how much
53:09she liked it, and what I like and
53:10everything, there are many things she
53:12didn't get to record. There are some
53:15videos that were left that, well, they
53:18stayed there, I don't know if—I don't
53:20know about her computer. Well, uh no,
53:23obviously that's not what's important
53:26now, but I also want to talk for a
53:28little bit, 2 minutes about the channel
53:31because, well, uh, to give it that
53:33closure right then. Uh, so we didn't
53:38have 20,000 videos recorded or anything
53:40, a few remained and that's it, but a
53:42lot of things didn't make it and we
53:44kept replying, "Yes, we'll upload it
53:45soon, we're going to record it, we'll
53:47edit it, we'll upload it." Why? Because
53:52you think you're going to run out of
53:55time, because we said, "No, no, we have
53:57to change our philosophy a bit at least
53:59and we can't expect to sleep perfectly
54:02every day or be perfectly at 100%." I
54:05mean, we do want to give our best for
54:07the video, but we also have to do our
54:09part because people are waiting for it
54:10and we keep falling behind on
54:12everything. So, you have to put in a
54:14little bit of effort. And that's what
54:17we were doing with the World Cup, with
54:18the excuse of the World Cup. We were
54:19recording every other day, every two
54:22days, maybe even a little more. So, uh,
54:25we had gotten our act together and the
54:27intention was to return to live streams
54:30, to upload games, to do a bunch of
54:32things. that was the intention and we
54:34had already been talking about it.
54:36Unfortunately, that change came just in
54:38time and coincided with all of this and
54:41we couldn't go on, unfortunately. Uh,
54:45the channel will stay there. Honestly,
54:50if I go by how I'm making this video
54:54now and by how I've been feeling, uh, I
54:57do say it's the end, honestly. Uh, this
55:02video remains as the last one along
55:04with all the other videos, which are a
55:06lot, and that's that. Uh, I don't know
55:12how I'll be in a week, in a month, in
55:15three months, in a year; no, I have no
55:18idea. But I also feel that it's what
55:24she would have wanted and I also like,
55:26I don't know, maybe in a month, two
55:29months, three months, I have no idea,
55:32uh, doing what we were talking about,
55:34at least games on the channel,
55:36uploading...going, since I like to play
55:39, uh, obviously not, knowing that
55:42obviously it's not the same, because
55:44without her it's not the same, nothing
55:47is the same anymore, uh, but I like it
55:51too and I am part of the channel; even
55:53though she was the one who carried a
55:55lot of things, it was also my idea. I
55:58am part of the channel, I edited, I did
56:01my part. So it's like, well, maybe,
56:04maybe at some point, in the future, uh,
56:10you see me upload some game, with
56:12camera, without camera, I have no idea,
56:15or upload a video talking about her or
56:17some anime, like we used to do mostly,
56:20like we did at the beginning, obviously
56:23from my side, uh. The same goes for the
56:28Patreon, uh, it will stay there, I
56:30don't know if I have to delete it. Well
56:32, I have no idea. The reality is that
56:34things were under her name. That's why
56:37I'm not saying it to make a profit,
56:39because really everything was left in
56:41her name and I'll just leave it there,
56:43that's it. It's simply so as not to
56:46leave the channel abandoned. Basically
56:49because it was hard, because it took us
56:515 years and it doesn't seem like it;
56:53because one says: "it's just uploading
56:55videos, reactions" and I understand
56:57that no, obviously it's not the most
56:58strenuous job, but we put a lot of time
57:01into it to make it grow to that point,
57:03knowing there are much bigger channels
57:05and all, but we put our own into it and
57:07, honestly, since I have access and
57:11everything, I say: maybe in a month, in
57:13three months, in a year. Maybe some
57:17video uploading a game or some tier
57:20list or some reaction or something,
57:23knowing it won't be the same, uh, maybe
57:27I'll do it. If I feel like it, if I
57:31have the strength to do it, uh because
57:36I feel like it's also what she would
57:38want. Uh, she told me something the,
57:42the last time she was, uh, awake before
57:45they put her to sleep, and I really
57:47hold on to that. uh it's what, apart
57:51from my family and my friends and
57:53everything, is what pushes me forward.
57:56And I'm not strong like she was, but I
58:01have to, I have to be, basically as
58:04much as I can. value and and and
58:08remember her with love, as what she is
58:13and keep moving forward. Uh, so well,
58:17maybe in a month, in a week, in three
58:19months, in a year maybe you see that I
58:22upload some video, you see that well, I
58:25don't know, it's not the same, it won't
58:27be the same, don't expect here on
58:30YouTube, obviously the reaction to...
58:32But well, it's like I say, the last
58:35chapters of Doctor Stone were missing,
58:37Mushoku, uh Re: Zero, a lot of things
58:40that we loved, that we love, and
58:43everything. And I don't want to watch
58:47them either, right? No, right now,
58:49that's why I tell myself. Right now, I
58:52haven't even been able to, in these
58:53more than three weeks, I haven't been
58:54able to watch a single episode; I
58:56haven't been able to watch anything
58:57since today's release, nothing, because
58:59I don't have the heart to, because
59:00everything reminds me of her, basically
59:02, and what we enjoyed together. So, I'm
59:04going to leave that there; I probably
59:08won't do it. So, maybe in three months,
59:11a year, I'll say, "Well, I want to pick
59:13up those anime that I like so much and
59:15that she liked, I want to watch them to
59:17see what it's like because I'm
59:19interested in the story, because we
59:21were really interested in everything we
59:23were reacting to, right?" We didn't
59:25want to just react like, "Oh, okay,
59:26yeah, another movie, another anime,
59:28that's it." We wanted to put our own
59:30touch into it, you know? And well, that
59:35was the idea and it will continue to be
59:37the idea, and maybe in the near or
59:40distant future, whatever, I'll feel
59:43like it and say, "Well, I'll just
59:45upload it anyway." Uh, it's like I'll
59:48be watching it somewhat alone, but I'll
59:51feel the company, maybe, of one or two
59:54people who might watch it. I have no
59:57idea, eh. That's not what's important,
1:00:00no, but well, uh, it is what it is, so
1:00:06I'm clarifying it; that's why, more or
1:00:08less for now, in case anyone is
1:00:09interested in knowing the future, well.
1:00:12For the rest, the channel obviously
1:00:13will stay there, that's the important
1:00:15thing, with this video as the last one.
1:00:18And, well, honestly, thank you for all
1:00:20the support you gave us, because both
1:00:23she and I loved all the comments,
1:00:25everything, everything you were
1:00:27supporting us with. It really is a lot.
1:00:30I know there are channels that are more
1:00:32consistent and that had 20 million more
1:00:34views than us and all that, but it
1:00:36doesn't matter because for us it really
1:00:38was a lot. It's a lot. It's not that
1:00:42for us it was just...No, it is a lot
1:00:43that people watch your videos and are
1:00:45grateful for them, or how we were
1:00:47uploading everything off-schedule
1:00:48lately and people still commented on
1:00:50them. It's a lot and thank you, truly,
1:00:53thank you. Uh, and well, uh, Erica
1:01:00really was the best, she is the best,
1:01:03and what you saw there in the videos is
1:01:06what she was like. 100%a good person.
1:01:13You see, one shouldn't, maybe I
1:01:15shouldn't, but you see so many
1:01:17injustices in the world against certain
1:01:20people and everything, and you say, why
1:01:22? And there is no, no, there is no
1:01:28explanation, honestly, uh, but well,
1:01:32when you are in silence and you have
1:01:34the time and you don't have that other
1:01:36person, it's impossible not to think
1:01:38those kinds of sometimes negative
1:01:40things, uh, and well, that's why I say
1:01:42that everything you can do, do it. If
1:01:45it helps someone who maybe, I don't
1:01:47know, loved how Eli reacted and
1:01:50supported her, supported the channel
1:01:52because of her and loved her or however
1:01:55you want to put it, obviously through a
1:01:58screen and all. If you liked her, well,
1:02:05I tell that person that if they don't
1:02:08want to feel the same thing I'm feeling
1:02:10, which surely a lot of other people
1:02:13have, unfortunately, felt, uh, don't
1:02:15let up, that if you see something
1:02:17strange in an acquaintance, a family
1:02:19member, a partner, or something, react
1:02:22quickly and go for your own life, value
1:02:24your own life; because we were both in
1:02:27that and we should have maybe gotten
1:02:29our act together sooner. Still, you
1:02:32never know what would have happened,
1:02:33but no, because it's worse to be left
1:02:38thinking "what if I had done something
1:02:40different," if I had, no, honestly no.
1:02:44Uh, so I'll obviously keep all the good
1:02:49she gave me, she made me a better
1:02:51person, everything, everything. And
1:03:00well, I really hope I returned some of
1:03:04that happiness, and I know that you,
1:03:07with your comments and everything, uh,
1:03:11also gave her the happiness of
1:03:14dedicating herself to something we both
1:03:18enjoyed and. And well, I hope more or
1:03:23less...uh, I thought I was going to
1:03:25talk for 10 minutes and I ended up
1:03:27going on for like an hour, uh. I hope
1:03:33more or less that it was understood,
1:03:34that it came out appropriately. Sorry
1:03:37for not being able to do more. And well
1:03:42, truly, thank you from the bottom of
1:03:44my heart for these years we were on the
1:03:48channel and for giving us so much
1:03:50support. And well, thank you.

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