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Happiness Expert Dr. Arthur Brooks | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #695 — Transcript

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0:00Today's guest is an author and a social
0:02scientist. He's a professor at
0:04Vanderbilt and a senior fellow at the
0:07Harvard Business School known for his
0:09popular class, Leadership and Happiness.
0:13He's here discussing his new book, The
0:15Meaning of Your Life, which is available
0:18now. I had a great time with today's
0:20guest, Dr. Arthur Brooks. Shine
0:25on me
0:28and I will find a song. I'll sing it.
0:38>> Well, the whole idea of you know Jesus
0:40carrying the cross that has this
0:41incredible imagery that idea that each
0:44one of us has to take up our cross and
0:45carry it. I mean you woke up heavy
0:47today. Yeah. you were carrying your
0:48cross
0:49>> and that has meaning. But she and and
0:51you know the whole modern
0:53>> therapeutic culture says Theo, you got
0:55to get rid of that feeling. That's a
0:56pathology. No, it's not. It's an
0:58opportunity.
0:58>> That's what that is. That means
1:00something.
1:01>> And then we can actually kind of get to
1:02the deep meaning of what that is. That
1:05can actually help you learn and grow.
1:06>> Amen.
1:06>> And to say, man, there's suffering
1:08today. Okay, bring it on. Put me in,
1:10coach.
1:11>> Right.
1:11>> Right.
1:12>> Um Arthur C. Brooks, uh thank you so
1:16much for joining us. Um, I know that you
1:18are an author, uh, a social scientist,
1:21and a professor. Is that fair to say?
1:23>> That's right. And I've been teaching the
1:25last seven years full-time at Harvard.
1:26And I just I just switched down to
1:28Vanderbilt here in Nashville, Tennessee,
1:29where we're taping this today.
1:30>> Nice. Welcome.
1:31>> Yeah. Thank you. You have a new book,
1:33uh, the meaning of your life, finding
1:35purpose in an age of emptiness. Um, and
1:39one thing that I even just loved about
1:40the title is it's the meaning of your
1:42life, right? It's not like this this
1:46huge thing of like, oh, the meaning of
1:47life.
1:48>> Yeah. Everybody has the same meaning to
1:49life and I'm gonna lay it on you. No.
1:51Right. I want to lead you to find the
1:53meaning of your life.
1:54>> Right.
1:54>> Yeah. I'm a trail boss. I'm a sherpa in
1:57this book. And it's basically the brain
1:59science and behavioral science that
2:00shows that all of us when we use our
2:02brains right and we stop doing a bunch
2:04of dumb things and we start doing a
2:06bunch of old things, old-fashioned
2:08things
2:09>> that that we can find the meaning of our
2:11lives. And I'm not going to tell you
2:12what it is cuz I don't know. I mean,
2:14some days I don't know what the meaning
2:15of my life is.
2:16>> Yeah.
2:16>> I mean, I'm on this journey myself
2:17because I'm like beaten up and suffering
2:20too.
2:21>> Yeah.
2:21>> Right.
2:22>> Amen, bro. Yeah. Just
2:23>> Yeah. Even today, it was just like, man,
2:26I was like praying right before I like
2:27probably 11 minutes ago, I was praying.
2:29I was just like,
2:29>> what were you praying?
2:30>> I was just like, God, just let me have
2:32some confidence in myself. Yeah.
2:34>> You know, let me have some peace today.
2:35Yeah. Um, let me not feel this pressure
2:38uh that I everything has to be perfect.
2:42>> Yeah.
2:42>> And that this pressure that I don't know
2:45uh what I'm doing.
2:47>> Mhm. You know,
2:48>> you know, it's funny because
2:49>> so a little more agency. I think I was
2:51just looking for a little bit more real
2:52agency and not just like a frenetic
2:55energy like I'm, you know, I'm going to
2:57have another coffee and I'll be ready.
2:58>> Yeah. And I'll be all set. Yeah. But
3:00there's, you know, whatever two, three
3:02million people or whoever who watch this
3:03episode of the show, the assumption is,
3:05and this is a huge thing for them to
3:06understand, they think, "If I had Theo
3:08Von's life, it would be so awesome and
3:11everything would be good." Yeah.
3:12>> That's a lie. That isn't true. That's
3:14not how life works at all. You know,
3:16it's like we say in my business, woe be
3:19to the man whose dreams come true and he
3:22finds he had he finds he had the wrong
3:24dreams because you always have the wrong
3:26dreams. You know, you always think if I
3:27hit the lottery, but we know people who
3:29hit the lottery that wind up miserable.
3:32It's a huge problem. I mean, in people
3:34who where their worldly dreams come
3:36true, it's a big burden. It's a big
3:38problem. The stakes get higher. And then
3:40the guy who's like, I'm not going to hit
3:42the lottery. I'm not going to be CEO.
3:43I'm not going to be a billionaire. Okay,
3:45whatever. I guess I'll just go to the
3:47park and play with my kid, right?
3:49>> He hit the lottery. He won.
3:51>> He won.
3:51>> He won. And and and then you got to
3:53figure, okay, all right. Well, the die
3:55is cast. Theon is Theo. Arthur Brooks is
3:58Arthur Brooks. Good. So, what are we
3:59going to do with it?
4:00>> What are we going to do with it?
4:01>> And the only thing that we can do on the
4:02day that's heavy is go love somebody
4:05else, is to go serve somebody else.
4:07That's all there is.
4:09>> Amen, man. Yeah. Even when you came in,
4:10you just asked me what was going on.
4:12Like, genuinely, man, I just appreciated
4:13that. You know, sometimes it's what I
4:15need. Like last night, I was even
4:16calling my brother like and he was busy
4:18with his kids, but I just wanted to have
4:19a moment where he like,
4:21>> you know, just like at like told me
4:22everything was going to be okay. You
4:24know this funny thing there's this this
4:27Catholic saint from the year 13
4:30something. She's the first woman ever
4:31published in English. Her name is St.
4:33Juliana of Norwich. And that like
4:35there's a
4:35>> St. Juliana of Norwich
4:36>> of Norwich in in in Great Britain. And
4:39um these troops, these enemies were
4:42closing in and it was a huge thing. And
4:44she wrote in her journal, "All will be
4:47well and all will be me well and all
4:49manner of things shall be well."
4:52>> You got to have faith, right? And you
4:54got to offer up this suffering. You have
4:56to, you know, say, "I'm gonna love
4:57somebody right now and then all will be
4:58well." What does it mean for it to be
5:01well? That I won't actually have any
5:02discomfort or suffering or heaviness
5:04anymore? No. Because that's your lot,
5:05man. I mean, there's suffering in your
5:08life.
5:08>> Yeah. And there's suffering everywhere.
5:10And there's so much there's a ton of
5:12suffering and a lot of that is is um is
5:14part of life.
5:15>> It is. And it's actually weird because
5:17that's one of the things I study is that
5:19people who have have a lot of suffering,
5:21they have a a lot of meaning, too.
5:24>> They have a deep sense of life's
5:25meaning.
5:27>> You get like 90 years to figure out how
5:29to live with your suffering [laughter]
5:31>> if you're lucky.
5:33>> Oh, that's so interesting, man. Uh yeah,
5:36it's it's uh it's it's interesting that
5:39um that your book came into my life at
5:42this moment. you know, a um a lot of
5:45times I've had uh a fear of missing out
5:48recently. Like I have a lot of FOMO, but
5:50even more so it's become a fear of
5:52missing out on myself.
5:54>> Mhm.
5:54>> You know, it's not like I keep thinking
5:56I'm I'm missing this game that I'm
5:58seeing or I'm missing these people doing
6:00this. And there's some of that,
6:02>> but it's there's this deeper thing that
6:04feels to me sometimes like,
6:05>> man, I'm missing out on some opportunity
6:10of me or some or
6:12>> there's something deeper. There's
6:13something deeper and you can't get it.
6:14You can't quite get it. Right.
6:15>> Yes. And I can't quite
6:16>> you can't focus in on it. You don't It's
6:18like what is it? And then you're
6:19distracted and then it goes away and
6:20it's like a missed it again.
6:22>> Yeah.
6:22>> Another day won't buy. Yeah.
6:24>> That feeling.
6:24>> Yes. And so what what made you write
6:26this book? Uh now.
6:28>> So I teach classes on the science of
6:30happiness. So the past seven years I've
6:32been full-time teaching a class on the
6:34science of happiness at Harvard. And
6:36it's super popular. It's like the most
6:37popular elective at the Harvard Business
6:39School. So like I have hundreds of
6:40people on the waiting list for this
6:41thing cuz they want to be happy or they
6:42know how to make money.
6:43>> Yeah.
6:44>> But but they know how to be successful
6:46but they don't know that the ultimate
6:47startup is your life. That you're the
6:50CEO of the enterprise of you
6:51incorporated and you're responsible for
6:53it. And that means taking risks where
6:55you should in in in in return for
6:57explosive rewards. But how are they
7:00denominated? Not money or power or
7:02pleasure or fame or Instagram followers,
7:04anything stupid. No, it's love and
7:06happiness and and people don't know how
7:08to get that. that. So, I've been talking
7:09about that. So, so scientifically,
7:11happiness isn't a feeling at all.
7:13Feelings are evidence of happiness. Kind
7:15of like the smell of the turkey is
7:16evidence of your Thanksgiving dinner.
7:18>> Okay. So, the smellings,
7:19>> so the smell of the turkey is evidence
7:21of the Thanksgiving dinner.
7:22>> That's right. And your feelings of
7:23happiness are evidence of happiness.
7:25>> Okay.
7:26>> So, don't ever go for feelings. Big
7:28mistake that everybody makes in trying
7:29to find something big in their lives is
7:30like, I want that feeling. I hope I feel
7:32happier tomorrow. Big mistake. your your
7:35feelings lie all when you woke up this
7:37morning and you and you didn't I I woke
7:38up this morning I felt bad too
7:40>> and and you're like [gasps]
7:42is God here
7:45and and you know okay get it back if I
7:47actually said okay my feelings are
7:49authentic I would have really questioned
7:51a lot of things in my life but my
7:53feelings are are the activity or
7:55biochemical activity in my brain in the
7:58lbic system of my brain it's a bunch of
8:00signals saying that there's threats and
8:02opportunities that's all emot emotions
8:04are and they lie constantly. They'll lie
8:06to
8:06>> they lie constantly.
8:07>> Constantly. Your your feelings are not
8:09to be trusted. Now, they're worth
8:11listening to, but don't trust them is
8:13the authentic truth. The problem with a
8:14lot of young people today is a lot of
8:15young adults today are told that the
8:17only thing authentic about them are
8:18their feelings. Which is why all that
8:20safe spaces and and I'm offended and and
8:24you know, all that nonsense that's based
8:25on the feelings-based culture, which is
8:27a culture of lies.
8:28>> That's what it comes down to.
8:29>> Amen.
8:30>> And so, what do we want to look for if
8:31it's not feelings? We want to look for
8:32something that's really tangible. Sort
8:34of the, you know, the macros when you're
8:35trying to eat, right? Protein,
8:36carbohydrates, and fat.
8:38>> That's food. Happiness has three
8:40macronutrients. The things that we
8:42really got to go for are enjoyment to
8:45enjoy our lives. Not the same thing as
8:46pleasure. I've made that mistake. You
8:48know, there's a reason I drink zero
8:50alcohol today is because I made the
8:51mistake of confusing pleasure and
8:53enjoyment.
8:54>> Yeah, I've done that a lot.
8:55>> Yeah, for sure. I mean, it's anybody
8:56who's been addicted, they know exactly
8:58what that's all about. The the pleasure
9:00is not the road to happiness. Pleasure
9:01is the road to rehab.
9:02>> Okay.
9:03>> Now, there's nothing there's nothing
9:04wrong with pleasure, but it's
9:05incomplete. You got to add people and
9:07memory to it. So, you can manage your
9:09pleasures and they don't manage you.
9:11That's enjoyment.
9:12>> Okay.
9:12>> The second macronut nutrient is
9:14satisfaction. And that's the joy of an
9:16accomplishment with struggle.
9:17>> Okay. So, the first one is
9:19>> enjoyment.
9:19>> Enjoyment.
9:20>> Not pleasure. Enjoyment, right?
9:21>> Not pleasure. Enjoyment. And the
9:22difference between those two one more
9:23time
9:23>> is pleasure plus people plus memory
9:26equals enjoyment. Okay.
9:27>> So, it's got to be conscious and
9:28memorable. So that's why when you're
9:31doing something really pleasurable and
9:32you're doing it alone, you're probably
9:33doing it wrong.
9:34>> Got it.
9:35>> That's why people are so critically
9:36important. You almost never really enjoy
9:38if it's not addictive like walking in
9:40the woods or saying your prayers, good.
9:42>> But anything that actually is
9:44pleasurable like what you eat, what you
9:46look at, what you use. If you're that's
9:49a reason that you know that the a beer
9:51company doesn't do an ad uh you know a
9:53beer ad for a dude alone in his
9:55apartment pounding a 12-pack. It's like
9:58that doesn't look good in the ad. And
10:00the reason is because it's pleasure, not
10:02enjoyment. They show the guy with his
10:04buddies, right? Because it's pleasure.
10:06It's beer plus people he loves plus
10:09memories that they're making together.
10:10That's enjoyment. Got it.
10:11>> That's the recipe.
10:12>> So the first one is enjoyment, right?
10:14>> And you'll get enjoyment if you include
10:15other people.
10:16>> Yeah. And making a memory. So it's
10:18really conscious. Got it. So that you
10:19can you can enjoyment is permanent. When
10:22you remember it is permanent. You know,
10:23it's like when I when I was a kid, you
10:26know, my mom was a good cook and and we
10:28had Thanksgiving at our house every
10:29year, just like all of us did, right?
10:30You probably did too. And every year
10:32we'd open up the oven and it' be a
10:34beautiful turkey. My dad would like,
10:35"Get the camera."
10:37>> And we would take a It's like we have 30
10:39turkeys in the same oven and we don't
10:40even But the whole point was he was
10:42trying to make it memorable. And that's
10:44what Thanksgiving dinner was all about.
10:45That's your life.
10:46>> So it's like, yeah, yeah, there's going
10:47to be pleasure. But if you start doing
10:49something for pleasure and you take it
10:51away from people and memories, you're
10:54going to be an addict.
10:54>> Right. So if you sit in your apartment
10:56is playing with your turkey or whatever.
10:58>> Yeah. Exactly. Right. Or if you're
10:59sitting in your apartment all alone and
11:01you're isolated and you're gaming,
11:03>> right?
11:03>> Or or you're looking at pornography
11:05because nobody looks at pornography with
11:07a bunch of friends.
11:08>> Yeah.
11:08>> You know, all these things are so bad.
11:11You know, that's the reason they're so
11:12bad because they take pleasure away from
11:14and they make them not part of
11:15enjoyment, which means they lead to
11:16addiction, not to happiness.
11:18>> But we feel like that's not the truth,
11:20right?
11:20>> Yeah. Because your brain, your ancient
11:22brain, which is the same as it was
11:24250,000 years ago, lies to you. And all
11:26your brain cares about is you actually
11:28getting these rewards that will make you
11:30more likely to get mates, more likely to
11:32get calories, more likely to survive.
11:34Mother nature, she doesn't care if
11:36you're happy. She doesn't care at all.
11:38And so she'll lie to you and make you
11:40follow your animal impulses.
11:41>> Got it. And that and so all the stuff
11:43that we're really good at today, you
11:45know, opiates, alcohol, or pornography,
11:48all it is is a way to supercharge the
11:51impulses, the animal impulses that we
11:53naturally have.
11:53>> So it's kind of a hijacking of those
11:55>> completely.
11:56>> Right. And there's a much more dense and
11:58meaningful way to get those.
12:00>> Yes, for sure. And well, the way to get
12:02that such that it's it's it's deeply
12:04fulfilling but not addictive is to make
12:08sure that you're getting, you know, the
12:09experience the way that was intended. So
12:11don't like refine it. I mean, we have
12:13natural endorphins in our brain so that
12:15when we get injured, we're actually able
12:16to function and run away from the
12:18predator and not be completely
12:19debilitated by the pain. That's what
12:21endorphins are for. Well, when we figure
12:23out chemically what they're all about in
12:24the brain and then we refine them and
12:26produce them, they turn into fentanyl. I
12:28mean, that's what that's what heroin is.
12:30That's what that's what opiates are.
12:32Pornography, it it shears off the the,
12:35you know, the physical aspect of a
12:37sexual relationship between people who
12:38are in love.
12:40>> And it all it does is it just preserves
12:42that particular part is the fentinil.
12:43It's fentinil for sex,
12:45>> right?
12:45>> And that's the reason we fentinyl or
12:47whatever. [laughter]
12:48>> It's just super addictive.
12:49>> Yeah.
12:50>> It's a it's supposed to be addictive,
12:52>> right? So, they're just hide. So a lot
12:53of that is the hijacking of just a
12:55simple moment to kind of trick your
12:57system. Really?
12:58>> That's right. And so if you make it
12:59social and memorable, you'll go to the
13:01real thing.
13:01>> Got it.
13:02>> Right. That's what it comes down to.
13:03Then it's enjoyment. And that enjoyment
13:05is a beautiful part of life.
13:06>> That's a beautiful part of life. But any
13:08of us who've actually really really
13:10struggled with addictive behavior, it's
13:12because we got that wrong.
13:13>> Got it.
13:13>> Right. And some people are genetically
13:15more more prone to that than other
13:17people. Did you have alcoholism in your
13:18family?
13:19>> Yeah, we got it.
13:20>> Yeah. So do we. Yeah.
13:21>> It's a Brooks disease. Is it?
13:22>> Yeah, for sure.
13:23>> Yeah.
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17:37What's the second uh macronutrient of
17:39happiness?
17:40>> Satisfaction. Now, satisfaction is the
17:43joy you get from an accomplishment with
17:45struggle. And this is super weird
17:47because only homo sapiens want to
17:49suffer. We want to suffer for our
17:51accomplishments because that's how we
17:52know what they're worth.
17:53>> Okay. So only homo sapiens want to
17:55suffer.
17:55>> Yeah. My dog doesn't want to like
17:57struggle for his rewards. He'd eat lying
17:59down,
17:59>> right? They want the easiest path to
18:02absolutely everything because they don't
18:03have moral aspirations. But you and I,
18:06we we actually we don't know if
18:07something is actually worthwhile unless
18:09we gave something up for it.
18:11>> And that's why struggle is so crit
18:12critically important. And that's why we
18:13teach our kids, you know, good things
18:15come to those who wait. Defer your
18:16gratifications. Don't eat before dinner.
18:19Study really, really hard even though
18:21you're not going to like it so you can
18:23get good grades because then you learn
18:24this lesson that things are that the
18:26reward is way sweeter. The
18:28accomplishment is meaningful to you when
18:30you've actually struggled for it. And
18:31that's one of the biggest problems that
18:32we have today is we're teaching people
18:34that struggle and sacrifice is stupid.
18:37That all that does is it ruins the sense
18:39of accomplishment that people get. Where
18:41are we teaching that at or where are you
18:43seeing a lot of this being taught?
18:44>> I see this taught with sort of the
18:46immediate gratification that comes
18:47around from tech and social media for
18:49sure, but also in the therapeutic the
18:51therapeutic industrial culture that
18:53we've got that says that if you're
18:54suffering from something, it's evidence
18:56that there's a pathology, right?
18:57>> That's wrong. I mean, I teach my
18:59students, it's like you're studying at
19:00Harvard. If you're not depressed and
19:01anxious, you need therapy. Yeah.
19:03>> You know, it's hard and you're doing a
19:04hard thing on purpose. Of course, you're
19:06suffering good, right? I mean, I don't
19:08go to the gym and you don't go to the
19:09gym going, "This is going to feel so
19:11good." No, it's going to hurt. That's
19:13kind of the point. But the whole But
19:15life is a gym, right? You know, you put
19:18yourself in front of hard things and
19:19you're going to suffer for those hard
19:20things because you want the sweetness
19:22that comes as a reward for what you get
19:24in in in in return for the struggle is
19:27what it comes down to.
19:28>> Yeah. Yeah. It feels like sometime some
19:30point along the way we forgot the value
19:33of the squeeze. Yeah. is what makes us
19:36love the juice.
19:37>> Totally. And that's absolutely the case.
19:39It's so funny that we actually we we we
19:42fail to realize this kind of thing. But
19:44in in in a culture of immediate
19:46gratification,
19:46>> yeah,
19:47>> we're not going to have any struggling.
19:48And so we start to lose the reps. We
19:51start to lose the ability. We get in
19:53kind of a doom loop where I don't suffer
19:55and so I'm no longer able to suffer. And
19:58so I try less to suffer. And what
20:00happens? I get less and less and less
20:01and less satisfaction from life. life is
20:03just like whatever why should I even try
20:06and you find that people are just like
20:08not striving in the same way that they
20:10would have before because they can
20:11actually get a payoff without any
20:13struggle and they don't want the
20:14struggle naturally but that's the wrong
20:16approach like it's funny because again
20:18the animal impulses lie
20:19>> the animal impulses lie
20:20>> mother nature lies all the time and she
20:22says the easy path is the best path
20:24because in you know 250,000 years ago
20:27all of humanity lived in bands of hunter
20:30gatherers of 30 to 50 individuals
20:32And if you could actually sit down and
20:34not work better because you're saving
20:36your energy. If you could get more
20:37calories, get them right under all
20:40circumstances. But that's not the case
20:41today, right?
20:42>> And so the result is we actually have to
20:44put friction back into our lives and not
20:46listen to mother nature who says take
20:48the easy path. Don't take the easy path.
20:49Take the hard path. And this is one of
20:51the things that we find. I talked to a
20:52lot of young men. I mean, I get
20:54>> tons of unsolicited email from young
20:56guys.
20:57>> I just graduated from college. I got
20:59nothing to do. I'm living with my mom.
21:02I'm having a hard time finding a job or
21:03even looking for a job. I'm smoking a
21:05lot of weed. I'm gaming all the time.
21:08You know, what do I do? And my answer is
21:10always go do a hard thing. You know,
21:13even if it's a hard thing, it's like get
21:14up before dawn every day for the next
21:17month.
21:17>> Your life will change.
21:18>> I mean, if if the sun is up every day,
21:20when you get up, you've lost the first
21:21battle.
21:21>> Yeah.
21:22>> Right. And and there's a whole bunch of
21:24neuroscience on this, too. It talks
21:25about productivity and focus and
21:26happiness. The Indians call that the
21:28Brahma Mahorta which in Sanskrit means
21:31the creator's time.
21:33>> Brahma mahorta.
21:34>> B r a h m a m uh h ur ta. Brahma mhorta.
21:41>> Bring that up and keep that other page
21:42open for me. I do want to read that
21:44really fast.
21:44>> There you go. The time of Brahma or the
21:47creator's time. It's the sacred predon
21:49window in Vadic tradition in Ayurveda.
21:52>> Yeah.
21:52>> And I I learned this. I go to India a
21:54lot. But when I go to India, I have
21:56Hindu teachers in in the south of India.
21:58I've also worked for the last 13 years
21:59with the Dalai Lama which has been
22:02really really helpful for me. But the
22:03result of it is I've been able to
22:04incorporate a lot of that Vadic physics
22:07all that you know ancient Indian wisdom
22:09into my own work as a scientist in the
22:10west and as a Catholic. It's made me a
22:12better Catholic. That's fascinating. And
22:14I find that so many of um the faiths
22:18overlap in in a lot of ways. Yeah. um
22:21with some of the core principles,
22:23>> many of the same core principles. Many
22:25differences of course
22:26>> and not so much in some of their lore
22:28and truths
22:29>> to the to the faith themselves, but in
22:32uh in the principles for sure and and a
22:34lot of the things, you know, the intense
22:35love for the divine, the search for
22:37life's deepest meaning and different
22:39ways to actually do that. I've learned a
22:41tremendous amount about my own prayer
22:42life by actually sitting in in
22:44meditation with the Tibetan Buddhist
22:46monks. even though I'm not a Buddhist.
22:48I'm not a you know I'm not a and the Ali
22:50Lama is not a Catholic but we've shared
22:52these ideas with each other an awful lot
22:54and he's a man of great wisdom and love
22:56and compassion and it's made me I think
22:58it's made me a better Christian man.
23:00>> Amen.
23:00>> Yeah.
23:01>> Well, even when uh Bishop uh Baron was
23:03on um you know he was talking about how
23:06he would uh sit in front of this statue
23:08in the morning and just repeat a mantra
23:09for a long time. I remember how long
23:11>> this is holy hour right
23:12>> which is what the Indians called the
23:14Brahma Mhorta. Oh, I didn't even know
23:16exactly that that it brings us back to
23:17that. Uh, but when when he was saying
23:20that, I was like, "Oh, well, that's just
23:21a medita that's meditation, right? It's
23:23like creating a pattern within
23:25yourself." It's a lot of so much is
23:26action, right? It's like
23:28>> when I'm sitting sedentary and when I'm
23:30just scrolling on my phone, when I'm
23:31just doing things that are sedentary,
23:32I'm just stuck in my thoughts. It's not
23:34action. And action um when I can put
23:37action with something,
23:39>> I don't know, it creates a lot more
23:41meaning. I'm noticing for me in my own
23:42life even that's why I notice in my
23:44gratitude list it's like well let me
23:46create even a visual action with it if I
23:48am sitting here kind of in a meditative
23:50state and and writing out things I'm
23:52grateful for like if I'm I'm thinking oh
23:54I'm so grateful for my sister then I
23:56will think of things of active moments
23:58where I've seen her smile or seen her
24:00like uh laugh or jokes she tells so it's
24:03just like even if I'm just uh
24:05remembering actions or attaching actions
24:08to thoughts right it it just uh helps
24:10make things more real
24:11>> for sure. Look, I mean it's like an
24:13unsupervised mind is a dangerous
24:16business, right? And and one of the
24:18whole thing about actually disciplining
24:19the mind first thing in the morning
24:21comes a lot along with disciplining the
24:23body. That's why I recommend to all of
24:25my students that they have morning
24:27protocols and doing something that you
24:29know is going to set yourself up for
24:31success because I wake up and
24:33unsupervised I'm like I'm all alone.
24:36Yeah.
24:37>> You know that feeling where you wake up
24:38and you're like it's real dark. It's in
24:41here.
24:42>> Oh yeah. You feel like a missing person.
24:44>> You feel like you feel like you've been
24:46in deep space all night long and that
24:50there's a profound aloneeness to it.
24:53Right.
24:53>> Well, if I don't create a little bit of
24:55structure and create some points of
24:57structure, then it's just one big
25:02whatever. It's just it's a it's a it's a
25:04it's a sunrise and sunset of whatever.
25:06Um
25:07>> that's exactly right. That's exactly
25:08right. You have to put together the
25:10architecture
25:11>> to be to be the person that you want to
25:13be,
25:14>> right? Um a lot of my life is filled
25:16with a lot of stimulation though where
25:17it's like things look fun. You get to go
25:19do all these fun things and it is fun
25:20but it's like um
25:22>> it's distraction.
25:23>> It's a lot of it is distraction even
25:25though it's great. Um it is distraction
25:27in the end from um just my relationship
25:30with me and and and maybe what more do I
25:33want for myself um like in a human sense
25:36or I don't know it's just yeah it's a
25:38distraction uh from my relationship with
25:40myself and and what things might be very
25:45important to me that I'm putting on the
25:46side uh just because um I'm because it's
25:50some things are fun. Um I want to read
25:52what the uh can you bring that up with
25:54the um the v the bar how do you say it
25:58>> the brahma
25:59>> the brah mahorta
26:01>> um brahma mahorta
26:03uh is a sacred pre-dawn period in vdic
26:07tradition and ayurvedic practice um let
26:10me see in traditions highlighted by
26:12teachers like sad guru it is considered
26:14a time when an individual can act as a
26:16creator of their own state of mind and
26:18energy so yeah it's like Um, it's like
26:21swabbing your decks, washing your decks,
26:23seeing what's going on and preparing
26:25yourself. Oh, when I have those days
26:27where I get up
26:28>> and I'm popping and I get to my meeting
26:31and I get my workout done, dude, by 9:30
26:34I am the king.
26:36>> Anything's possible.
26:37>> Um,
26:38>> but your brain chemistry is not the same
26:40every day when you wake up. I mean,
26:42>> so I have to take control of it.
26:43>> Yeah. Yeah. So, that's right. That's why
26:45you got to have protocols that actually
26:46will get you back to a baseline reliably
26:48get you back to a baseline. You're not
26:49going to be perfect. I mean, I slept
26:51like garbage last night. I mean, I was
26:53sleeping it up. Yeah. I mean, I'm on
26:55tour.
26:55>> I slept like a damn farm animal or
26:56whatever.
26:57>> Oh, man. It's like
26:58>> I slept like a farm animal in the city,
27:00[laughter]
27:01you know?
27:02>> You know, it's like that old joke. I
27:03slept I slept like a baby every two
27:05hours. I woke up crying. [laughter]
27:07>> Yeah. Yeah. And reaching out for for
27:09breasts or whatever.
27:10>> It's bad. You know, I'm on tour every
27:12almost every week. 48 weeks a year.
27:14>> Are you? Yeah. And you're like um
27:16traveling and speaking.
27:17>> Yeah. speaking speaking speaking to
27:18media. So I'm doing speaking of media
27:20because there's you know a lot of people
27:21want to hear about happiness.
27:22>> But the result of it is you know I'm not
27:23with my wife. I'm I'm I'm in hotels and
27:26you know it's okay but it's kind of
27:30lonely.
27:30>> Oh yeah.
27:31>> But you got to have a protocol so you
27:33can become human again. I I wanted to
27:35come see you today. I'm super pumped to
27:37come see you today. I got to be my best
27:39self. Right. And you were thinking about
27:41that even we haven't met before and
27:42you're like
27:43>> and and so the protocols actually that
27:45we can actually have the discipline. And
27:47it's funny because, you know, there's
27:48this guy uh Admiral McRaven, remember he
27:51gave that famous speech called Make Your
27:53Bed. Remember this a few years ago, like
27:542005.
27:55>> Bring him up cuz I feel like um
27:57>> William McRaven, he was Jordan Peterson
28:00kind of became the guy that did that.
28:01>> Yeah. Yeah. For sure. He gave a speech.
28:04This guy gave a speech at the University
28:05of Texas at Austin called Make Your Bed.
28:08And the whole point was you want to get
28:10started on something good that was have
28:11a protocol that's practical and specific
28:15that will set you on the right path.
28:16Now, making your bed is great, but the
28:17whole point that we're talking about
28:18here is like make your bed in a
28:20metaphysical sense, [clears throat] like
28:22really good things. Get up,
28:24>> pump the iron, go to mass, say your
28:26prayers, do your gratitude list, you
28:28know, do do the things that you actually
28:29need to do to get your brain and this
28:32neuroysiologically into the right
28:34possible space, notwithstanding the fact
28:36that you slept like garbage. You went to
28:38sleep feeling sad. You woke up feeling a
28:40lack of the presence of God. And you
28:42know, the biology isn't there for you.
28:44So, you got to have a way to get it
28:46back.
28:46>> Yeah. Yeah. Uh, it says right here, if
28:49you want to change the world, start off
28:50by making your bed. If you have a
28:51miserable day, you will come home to a
28:52bed that is made that you made. And a
28:54made bed gives you encouragement that
28:56tomorrow will be better.
28:57>> It's a metaphor.
28:58>> I agree. It's just getting up. It's like
29:00[clears throat] getting up. I go in the
29:01c a lot of times I'll leave my dishes
29:03out from dinner. And so then in the
29:04morning, the first thing I'll go do is
29:06go and put them up, start the
29:07dishwasher. It's like that's the first
29:08thing. And then I'll um and I keep
29:10earplugs in too for the first like
29:12probably 90 minutes of the day.
29:14>> Do you look at your phone in the first
29:15hour?
29:16>> Dude, if I do, I wait until I'm rolling
29:18my legs out. This usually like probably
29:19about 50 minutes that I've been awake
29:20and then I'll respond to texts. But it's
29:23just for communication. Um
29:25>> I recommend actually the whole first 60
29:27minutes without the device for
29:29neurocognitive programming. And if you
29:31don't do that, if you actually don't,
29:33you'll you'll be better focused and
29:35you'll have better mood and productivity
29:36for the whole day
29:38>> because you won't get the hijack. You
29:39know, this it's the kind of thing where
29:41it's like, okay,
29:42>> if you can go the whole when you're when
29:44things are really really rough, if you
29:46do a bad habit in the first hour, you're
29:47going to do it for the rest of the day
29:48and the whole day is written off, right?
29:50But if you don't do it for the first
29:51hour of the day, you're programmed.
29:52You're path dependent toward the better
29:54self. And so, one of the things that
29:56that we all should actually do is don't
29:58look at it in the first hour. I mean,
30:00look at it. Nothing's on fire in the
30:01business, okay? Um, then not for the
30:04first hour while you eat because your
30:06brain actually wants you to eat with
30:08other people. And if you have your phone
30:09on the table, it interrupts the
30:11neurochemicals that you need to connect
30:12to the other person.
30:14>> And then last hour of the day, so you're
30:16looking at a real physical book. You're
30:17not getting blue light. If you're, you
30:20know, people who are watching us who
30:21live with somebody else, like a spouse
30:22or, you know, somebody they love, they
30:23can connect with them better. That's
30:25really just those three things, it'll
30:27change your life.
30:28>> Yeah. Oh, well I mean I I was even
30:31thinking last night I was reading your
30:32book before I was going to sleep and I
30:33was looking I was thinking like
30:36there there's certainly been times where
30:37I will replace my sense of self like
30:40with a sense of screen, right?
30:42>> Yeah. Yeah.
30:43>> It's like how I feel.
30:44>> That's a simulation. That's the matrix,
30:46>> right?
30:46>> That's what and and there's actually we
30:48know how that affects the brain. So your
30:50brain has two hemispheres, the left and
30:52the right. The left hemisphere is what
30:54you're using when you're looking at
30:56tech. That's a simulation of the
30:58experiences in the right hemisphere
31:00which is all like love and mystery and
31:01meaning. And so dating on the apps is a
31:04is a is a simulation of actual courting.
31:08Your social media is a actual simulation
31:10of friendship. Gaming is a simulation of
31:13actual real life accomplishment. And
31:15we're living in a simulation. That's
31:17what the whole thing is like. And your
31:19brain knows the difference. So that's
31:21why it feels more like a simulation
31:22because everything that is that was once
31:24more tangible and interactive and
31:27actually human we are simulating it now.
31:29So so when people say we're living in a
31:31simulation some people think it's like
31:33oh this everything is a computer and
31:35it's gigabytes and everything. That's
31:36not what I mean.
31:37>> That's not what you mean.
31:37>> We're simulating in real life love,
31:40>> right? So that's what we're simulating
31:41and that's why we feel like we're living
31:42in a simulation because in that way it's
31:45truly like a literal simulation. Not
31:47like Elon Musk says there's a 90% chance
31:50that this is a simulation run by aliens.
31:52I don't know, right? I don't know. But
31:54this is simulating what our brains
31:56really want, which is we're made for
31:59you. There's a reason we're not doing
32:00this on Riverside. There's a reason
32:01we're not doing this online like a Zoom
32:03right now because we're having a human
32:04connection right now that we can't get
32:06otherwise. It would be a simulated
32:08conversation between Theo and Arthur
32:10>> if we actually did it online, right?
32:12>> And it wouldn't be as good,
32:13>> right? because it would be a leftbrain
32:14simulation for the right brain
32:16connection between friends.
32:17>> Got it. And this is super important for
32:19me to even just just make sure I'm clear
32:21on. So because a lot of people hear you
32:23hear stuff like that Elon says and you
32:24see all these things like we're living
32:25in a simulation and like you know I was
32:28on uh you know I was on 70 g of my
32:31trippy man
32:32>> and I could see the numbers at the on
32:34you know in the light on the wall like
32:35you hear a lot of that right like you
32:36hear a lot that
32:38>> and but as we're see hearing seeing like
32:42clip saying this and hearing this in our
32:44world if at the same time we are
32:46simulating things that are very real
32:48like instead of meeting somebody and
32:50having to ask them out and having a real
32:52moment with them. You were just swiping
32:54left or right. That's why it feels that
32:57way when we hear those when we hear
32:58those things saying we're living in this
33:00like in the matrix. That's why it feels
33:02that way, right?
33:02>> It's a digital curve fit for the thing
33:04you actually want to see. I want to
33:06experience.
33:07>> Got it.
33:08>> You're getting a virtual experience
33:09instead of a real experience.
33:11>> Got it.
33:12>> And one thing that I that I really loved
33:13about your book is when you say that one
33:17thing that cannot be simulated is
33:19meaning. And that's the third
33:20macronutrient of happiness. And that's
33:22the hard one.
33:23>> Oh, right there, bro. Is that how we
33:24pulled up at that?
33:25>> Nice. Nice. See that collaboration?
33:27[laughter]
33:28>> Let's go.
33:29>> So the So meaning is the third
33:31macronutrient. And that's the hardest.
33:33That's what's missing today. So before
33:35we go down, so just tell me the first
33:36two again.
33:37>> Enjoyment, satisfaction,
33:39>> and those are the macronutrients of
33:40happiness.
33:41>> The first two macronutrients. There's
33:42three because remember food is protein,
33:45carbohydrates, and fat.
33:46>> Happiness has three also. It's it's not
33:49it's it's a coincidence, right? So So
33:52enjoyment super important. You got to
33:53enjoy your life. Satisfaction that's
33:55like you got to take a deep sense of
33:57satisfaction in your accomplishments for
33:58sure. Which means you got to have stuff
34:00to do, goals, direction, progress. And
34:03the third, the hard one is the meaning
34:05of life because that's the why of your
34:07existence.
34:08>> You hid that third one as
34:10>> Yeah. That's the why of and that's the
34:11one I didn't ah that's so hard to write
34:13about because it's so philosophical. So
34:15it turns out that the meaning of life,
34:18the fact that we have walked into since
34:202008, I've been I've been keeping data
34:22on this forever,
34:23>> okay?
34:23>> That since 2008, people have been
34:25progressively more and more likely to
34:26say, "My life feels meaningless."
34:28>> That's not coincidentally when we
34:31started to actually have screens take
34:33over our individual lives.
34:34>> Why? Because that's when we started to
34:35walk into the matrix. That's when our
34:37brain started to work differently.
34:39>> A sense of screen and not a sense of
34:41self.
34:41>> Yeah. And so that meaning of life that
34:44lies behind the explosions in depression
34:47and anxiety and loneliness that that we
34:49actually see. I mean you you read the
34:50news, it's like, okay, why are so many
34:52young people depressed and anxious? And
34:53depression is up by 3x since 2008 for
34:56people under 30.
34:57>> Oh, one out of six people are on
34:58antid-epressants.
34:59>> It's it's insane.
35:00>> And a higher percentage of that uh in
35:02college
35:03>> for sure. And the actually here's the
35:04weird part, Theo, is that ordinarily you
35:07see mental suffering from people who
35:08have less privilege and less education.
35:10It's more likely if you have education,
35:12have high levels of education, gone to
35:14college.
35:14>> Wait, so say that again. So people that
35:16have more uh
35:18>> more that have have more years of
35:20education are more likely to be
35:21depressed
35:22>> and they're more likely to be anxious.
35:24So depression 3x.
35:26>> That makes me feel pretty good. I know
35:29>> they went to college, but still I mean
35:31so look, there's still a way out of all
35:32this.
35:33>> Yeah. Yeah. So and anxietyy's up by 2x.
35:35So everybody's like, "Okay, it's cuz the
35:37boomers made all the houses really super
35:39expensive and we're wrecking the
35:41environment. There's too much income
35:42inequality." That's all nonsense. Those
35:44might be problems. Everybody's got to
35:46decide for themselves whether those are
35:47problems, but they're not new problems.
35:49There's nothing new about the fact that,
35:51you know, something's wrong with the
35:52environment or or stuff is getting
35:54expensive. There's I mean, I I kind of I
35:57remember the 70s. It was way wor
35:59Everything was way worse. you you had to
36:02roll up your windows when you drove
36:03through LA because it was too smoggy.
36:05>> And you know, um that's a good point.
36:0718% um uh inflation.
36:09>> Well, even if you go back to feudal
36:11times, it's like way worse.
36:12>> You could be walking down the street and
36:14somebody would out their window and
36:15it would hit you.
36:16>> I know. It's like, yeah, a third of the
36:17population died of the bubanic plague.
36:19Bummer.
36:20>> Right. No, good old days. What are you
36:22talking about?
36:23>> Cuz I will romanticize stuff like, oh,
36:25it was so, you know,
36:26>> oh, so good. I got a my son got a
36:28blister and he died of sepsis.
36:30[laughter] Like what? Like uh-oh,
36:32toothache. You're going to die.
36:34>> Yeah, dude. You'd have three or four
36:35funerals a week to go to.
36:37>> Oh, yeah. Completely. And you know, half
36:38your kids would die.
36:39>> Yeah. I mean, it's like
36:40>> Abraham Lincoln, the president, Abraham
36:42Lincoln, all three of his kids died by
36:44the age of like 22.
36:45>> Well, one of them was playing No, that
36:47was Calvin Culage. His son was playing
36:48tennis at the White House, forgot his
36:50socks. I kid you not. Got a blister on
36:53the back of his heel and died of an
36:55infection.
36:56>> The president's son. So I'm like a
36:58romanticizing the old days is completely
37:00absurd. Oh, we're bringing it up. Cal
37:03Calvin Silent Cal.
37:04>> Calvin Kulage's younger son, Calvin
37:06Kulage Jr. or uh on June 30th, 1924,
37:11Calvin Jr. played lawn tennis on the
37:12White House South Grounds with his
37:13brother John without wearing socks. A
37:15blister formed on his toe. Uh he was
37:17moved to Walter Reed Army Hospital where
37:19doctors could not stop the infection
37:20because antibiotics like penicellin had
37:22not yet been discovered and made uh
37:25available. He passed away. Wow.
37:27>> And people are like, "Oh man, old days
37:29were so much." No, that's actually
37:30wrong. The reason that we have this
37:32explosion of depression, anxiety is
37:34because people don't know the meaning of
37:35their life and they're not even looking
37:36and they're paralyzed from looking
37:38because they're using their brains wrong
37:40because they're staring at the screen
37:41all day long. And
37:42>> and before we go too much deeper, can
37:43you define meaning for people?
37:45>> Yeah, for sure. Because it sounds so
37:47philosophical. It's like a New Yorker
37:49cartoon. What's the meaning of life?
37:50Right.
37:51>> Right. And this is also about what's
37:53Yeah. And and your but the book what I
37:54did love again and I'll reiterate it is
37:56that it's your meaning. Right.
37:58>> Right. Right. Exactly. Right. And it's
38:00the answer to three big why questions in
38:02your life. So So we we'll go through the
38:04big three why questions.
38:06>> So meaning answers three big why
38:08questions.
38:08>> Yeah. Because meaning is always about
38:09the why of life. You have you had Simon
38:10Synynic on your show before? Do you know
38:12who he is?
38:13>> Simon Synynic. He wrote a book called
38:15Start with Why? He's fantastic.
38:17>> And and why is fundamentally about
38:19meaning. It's like why? Why? Hey, you
38:20know those days when you wake up, it's
38:22dark. Simon Synynic, he's great. I've
38:24been working with him for years and and
38:26you're like, why? Lord, why? Right?
38:28That's a meaning, that's a cry for
38:30meaning, right? The first big why
38:32question is why? Why does all this stuff
38:34happen? That's, you know, that's called
38:36coherence. You got to have some sort of
38:38a theory about why things happen the way
38:39that they do. I believe that things
38:40happen the way they do because of the
38:42mind of God and because of the laws of
38:44science. And those things work together.
38:46That's my coherence theory. That's my
38:48why about why things happen the way they
38:50do. Paranoid conspiracy theories are a
38:52coherence are a way to find coherence.
38:55It's like cuz shadowy forces are doing
38:57things behind the scenes, right? But
38:58that's a why. That's that's that's
39:00number one.
39:01>> So, but but but any of those are okay.
39:02You just have to have a why.
39:04>> You got to have a why that actually
39:05makes sense to you that you actually
39:07believe that you think actually kind of
39:09holds water is the way this works. But
39:11we used to have a we used to have a news
39:14kind of a news system I feel like in
39:15America or it used to feel like we had a
39:18news system in America that we believed
39:20and trusted. So I feel like when that
39:22sort of dissolved then it made probably
39:24the why a lot
39:25>> it made coherence worse. It made
39:27coherence a big problem for people.
39:29>> Coherence a big problem cuz you that's a
39:31huge thing. You don't know what is real
39:33anymore.
39:34>> Why things are happening?
39:35>> Yeah.
39:35>> Why are these things happening? It's
39:36like, well, well, the the the mainstream
39:39media said, and you're like, yeah,
39:41right. Yeah, right. [laughter]
39:42>> Yeah. The last thing I'm going to trust
39:43is them. They're like, you know,
39:45>> it's obfuscation and you know, it's like
39:47biased whatever. For sure. It's a big
39:50problem, right? I mean, I think we all
39:51understand that at this point
39:52>> and and by the way, that's going to lead
39:54to good things. You know, it's like I do
39:56a lot of mainstream media and we all do
39:57a lot of mainstream media. I think it's
39:59actually getting better as a result of
40:01the fact that people are more skeptical
40:03>> at this point, but it hurts in the
40:05meantime because it it ruins the sense
40:07of coherence, the the through line about
40:09why things are happening the way that
40:10they are. That's number one.
40:11>> Right? So, that's one of the issues that
40:13why we're having trouble with meaning
40:14right now is because um things feel
40:16incoherent.
40:17>> You don't know who you can trust.
40:18>> You just don't know who you can trust.
40:20The second is purpose, which is why am I
40:23doing what I'm doing? And that's the
40:25question you started with today. It's
40:26like why am I doing this? I mean, it's
40:29got to be perfect, but why? You know,
40:31that's this the that means goals,
40:33direction, and and the ability to make
40:36progress. And when life feels feudal,
40:38like this is dumb. That that means that
40:40you're you're lacking a sense of
40:42purpose. You're lacking a sense of
40:43direction in your life.
40:44>> And you know, it's funny because
40:45experiments on like undergraduate
40:47students in college shows that you can
40:48dramatically raise their sense of
40:50meaning and happiness by giving them an
40:52arbitrary goal which gives them more
40:54purpose. Like you're getting a B minus
40:56in calculus,
40:57>> we're going to get a B+ for you in
40:59calculus. And you set them up on a
41:00protocol, which is why the morning
41:02protocols we talked about.
41:03>> As a professor, you mean?
41:04>> Yeah. As a professor, like campus
41:06counseling will do this an awful lot.
41:07We're going to raise your grade by one
41:09full letter grade. And just that gives
41:11them a sense of purpose and they start
41:12getting more disciplined. They start
41:15getting happier.
41:16>> You mean you're going to raise the goal
41:17of their grade?
41:18>> Yeah. The you got they need a goal and
41:20that gives them a sense of purpose. even
41:22like an arbitrary dumb little purpose
41:24like that really helps people an awful
41:26lot.
41:26>> Are there easy ways for us to do that
41:28for ourselves?
41:29>> Yeah. To set, you know, basic goals
41:30about ways in small ways you want to get
41:33better.
41:33>> Okay.
41:34>> I want to get So, you know, for example,
41:36purpose in recovery is one day at a
41:38time.
41:39>> It's like today I'm not going to drink.
41:41>> Yeah.
41:41>> And that's a doable goal and that gives
41:43you a sense of purpose. Now, that's you
41:45need more than that, but that's really
41:47super helpful,
41:48>> right? That's a huge thing. It's like
41:50people say I can't oh I don't get to
41:52drink for the rest of my life. I don't
41:53know if you get to drink for the rest of
41:54your life. I'm just saying you can't
41:56like can you not drink for today?
41:58>> Yeah. Exactly. You know there's a funny
41:59thing in my in my world. You know we ask
42:01a lot for example what is the psychology
42:03behind the fact that diets always fail.
42:06So almost any diet works low fat low
42:09carb low whatever man. I mean it's like
42:12fasting keto caveman whatever.
42:15>> Yeah. Sleep and beauty diet having a
42:17tapeworm. They all work, but they don't
42:19work in the long run. Now, the reason
42:21they all work in the short run is you
42:23can make it today not eating what you
42:25want because the scale is going to go
42:27down. But when you hit your goal, the
42:29reward is never getting to eat what you
42:30like ever again for the rest of your
42:32life. Congratulations.
42:33>> That's a big problem. That just destroys
42:35purpose.
42:36>> Oh, yeah.
42:37>> Purpose is everything. You just don't
42:38have any more goals. You don't have any
42:39more direction. You can't make any more
42:41progress. And so, it's obliterated. It's
42:43depressing. As a matter of fact, people
42:45hit their goals and get really really
42:46depressed and like eat a whole cake.
42:48>> Yeah.
42:50>> Oh yeah, dude. Somebody sent me a cake,
42:52dude. [laughter]
42:54>> And bro, if you eat the whole cake.
42:56>> I didn't plan on it, dude. But I woke up
42:58in the middle of the night. I wasn't
42:59doing well and I ate half that, bro. I
43:02ate it standing up.
43:03>> What kind of cake was it?
43:04>> I don't even know, dude. It was dark and
43:06it was [laughter]
43:07>> I ate it standing up, Arthur.
43:09>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I'm not.
43:11>> I mean, who is that?
43:12>> It's me, too. But then I was so jacked
43:14up on sugar I couldn't sleep. Now I'm
43:16furious with myself. Now I go buy a
43:18vape, dude. And
43:19>> now you're full of self-loathing.
43:20>> Oh, now it's 4 a.m., [laughter] dude.
43:23And I'm like, I can't live like this
43:26anymore.
43:26>> You know, here's the irony. There's like
43:28there's like 200 people that are
43:30listening to this conversation right now
43:31at 3:00 in the morning standing up
43:33eating a cake. [laughter] It
43:34>> is true, bro. Yeah. And honestly, and
43:37somehow I'm envious of them.
43:40>> No, I get it. You know, so this is a
43:42That's the problem with progress. That's
43:43progress. You know, progress means that
43:45you actually make goals and they're
43:46achievable goals and you know what they
43:48are. And that's one of the big parts of
43:50meaning in life. Purpose is part of
43:52meaning in life.
43:53>> Okay. And and but so
43:54>> that's why you're doing what you're
43:56doing. Got it.
43:56>> Because that's my purpose for today at
43:58least. Yeah. For today at least. Now, it
43:59doesn't have to be like I want to be
44:02president of the United States. I want
44:03to save 7 million children. No. It might
44:07be as simple as I'm going to be kind to
44:10my wife today. I am going to do one good
44:13act for somebody today. I'm going to
44:15love somebody who needs my love today.
44:16>> Yeah, including myself. Y
44:18>> sometimes. That's a big one, dude.
44:20>> Exactly right. I'm not going to eat that
44:22cake tonight.
44:22>> Yeah, I'm
44:24>> We'll see.
44:24>> Yeah, we'll see. [laughter]
44:26>> It's like, don't send Theo a cake,
44:28folks.
44:28>> Well, dude. Yeah. And when people send a
44:30cake, I can't even. And sometimes I'll
44:32even curse them or whatever.
44:34>> I know. I know. I'll curse.
44:35>> I know. They think they're doing
44:36something so good for you, but you have
44:37no impulse control in the middle of the
44:38night. That's when your willpower is
44:40gone. Dude, I ate freaking 17 peanut
44:41butter cups one night.
44:43>> That sounds so good.
44:44>> I ate 17 peanut butter cups one night in
44:46my 40s.
44:48>> Oh yeah. Don't look. I'm in my 60s.
44:50>> Oh yeah. [laughter]
44:51>> So it doesn't get better. Thanks.
44:54>> You guys know I love Acorns, the
44:57financial app where you can invest your
44:59spare change from transactions into the
45:02market and grow it over time. Well,
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46:01Or maybe somebody um is delivering ice
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46:57And so that is the second um question.
47:00The second why question is uh why am I
47:03doing the things that I'm doing? And if
47:05you ask yourself that question, you'll
47:06be able to establish some sense of
47:07purpose with yourself.
47:08>> That's right. That's right. If you
47:09basically say I am doing what I'm doing
47:11because because XYZ, because I want to
47:14lose some weight, because I want to get
47:15better grades, because I want to be a
47:17more loving person, because I want to
47:18get to the end of the day not having
47:20used alcohol. Right.
47:21>> Right. That's the person that I want to
47:23be. And you got to see that better
47:25person, that better version of yourself.
47:26say that's that's me at the end of the
47:29day going yep still not drinking that's
47:31good
47:32>> so to visualize it too will help you
47:33>> super important super important that
47:35visualization is I mean that's how
47:37that's how this idea of manifestation
47:39actually works there's nothing no gears
47:41in the universe that are turning
47:42although I do believe in the power of
47:43prayer
47:44>> I do honestly believe to I believe that
47:46it's a good thing to say what is I want
47:50to visualize
47:5211 p.m. video going to sleep, not having
47:55done the things he didn't want to do.
47:57And now I'm going to pray that God will
47:59give me the strength and grace to become
48:01that person.
48:02>> That's how purpose that's how you can
48:03you can bring purpose, you know, to your
48:05real life.
48:06>> That even feels cool when you say it. I
48:08mean, I I feel like there's a sense of
48:09um Say that one more time. Say that
48:11part.
48:12>> So, okay. So, you got purpose means you
48:13got goals and direction. And your goal,
48:15your direction is toward a goal that is
48:18something good, right? It's got to be
48:20something tangible, something that you
48:22can actually put a pin in. Not something
48:23like the universe is perfect,
48:26>> right? Or I want to be a millionaire,
48:28jillionaire.
48:29>> Yeah. It's just it No, no, it's um it's
48:31it's something really tangible,
48:33something really meaningful to you. And
48:34it might be as something as simple as at
48:36the end of this day, I will not have
48:38done this and I will have done that and
48:40I'm going to imagine myself at the end
48:42of the day and how I'm going to feel
48:44when that has actually come true. and
48:46visualize that actually you
48:48understanding yourself as having
48:49achieved that goal. Nothing audacious,
48:52nothing that somebody else would be
48:53like, "Holy mackerel, you did that in
48:55one day, right?"
48:56>> No, it's something realistic that you
48:58>> So, I would just think like, "Okay, so
48:59today if I make it to bed like like um
49:02tonight, I would like to make it to bed
49:03by 1000 p.m., right?" So, that could be
49:05my thing. And
49:06>> sober, stone cold sober.
49:07>> Stone cold sober. Having worked out,
49:09having done my job, having done a good
49:11podcast, having, you know, fed my body
49:13in the right way, having had a couple of
49:15conversations and told a couple of
49:16people I love them.
49:17>> But now, is that stacking too much on or
49:19you think that's a okay basic day?
49:21>> That's a good basic day.
49:22>> Okay, good.
49:22>> Yeah, cuz you've actually fed your
49:23needs.
49:24>> Got it.
49:24>> Body, soul, work, relationships in a
49:29very in a very, you know, very modest
49:30way.
49:31>> Got it.
49:31>> You know, you didn't call 63 people and
49:33say, "I love you."
49:34>> Right. Called a couple of buddies,
49:35checked in, listened to them. And then
49:38you figure it and then and then you say,
49:39"Okay, and I really want that. I see
49:41myself doing that." And then you then
49:43you get help.
49:44>> And the way that you a good way to get
49:46help is say, "Lord, help me make it to
49:48that point.
49:48>> Help me make it to that point.
49:49>> Yeah. Help me." It's [snorts] like, "Be
49:50with me until 10 p.m. tonight when I'm
49:52looking back on that in this way."
49:53>> I like that. So God, help me be get to
49:5610 p.m. tonight. I would like to be able
49:57to make it through my day healthily. I'd
49:59like to be able to take care of my body,
50:00my mind, and my soul. Um, I would like
50:03to be able to be of service to others.
50:05Um, show me examples of ways I can do
50:07that. Um, and I would like to get to bed
50:10sober and I would like to get to bed at
50:11a decent time to tonight. Please be with
50:14me until I can get there.
50:15>> Yeah. There's a there's an ancient
50:16ancient ancient Catholic prayer that
50:17that that that a lot of priests will
50:19pray and they'll say, "Night has no
50:22terror for me. Sleeping under God's
50:24wings."
50:26>> Right.
50:26>> Dang. Boy, that's a freaking holiday in
50:28of the Lord, brother.
50:29>> Yeah. It's so good. It's so good. It's
50:31so good. So, and then and the last of
50:33the why questions is why does my life
50:35matter? Why does my life matter? And to
50:38whom?
50:39>> And to whom?
50:40>> Yeah. And to whom? Because it has to
50:41matter to someone. It's like, why does
50:42my life matter? It's going to be like
50:44because,
50:46you know, something cosmic. No, it's
50:47because my mom loves me. Because my
50:50friends care about me. Because God is
50:53somebody who's taking care of me. That's
50:55the significance question. And you got
50:57to have an answer to that. And a lot of
50:58people today, they're like, I don't know
50:59why my life matters. and I don't know to
51:01whom my life matters. Establishing that
51:03is critically important. If you don't
51:05know, that's going to be a problem.
51:06>> So, significance is the is the answer to
51:08the question, why does my life matter
51:10and to whom?
51:10>> That's right. That's right. And that's
51:12getting harder and harder to answer,
51:13especially when we're mediating our
51:15relationships through screens.
51:17>> It's like, does why does my why does my
51:18life matter to whom? And if it's like
51:20all the people I'm dealing with over the
51:22entire course of the day are 12 hours
51:24through social media, I'm not quite sure
51:26that my life does matter. Why does that
51:29why does this so much create this? Oh,
51:32because this is a simulation and it's
51:33not real.
51:34>> Exactly. Right. It's very hard for me to
51:36deny for us to deny each other that we
51:38matter to each other right now because
51:40we're looking into each other's eyes
51:41>> and we're brothers right now. Right.
51:43>> That's the way life's supposed to work.
51:45>> Got it.
51:46>> But if I'm looking at you, it's like,
51:47"Hey, Theo." Like text text. I don't
51:50know. I don't know what else you're
51:50doing. I don't even know if it's you.
51:53>> Oh, that's the craziest.
51:54>> Uhhuh. And that's how the simulation
51:56works. Is it real? Is it not real? That
51:59matrix effect actually destroys
52:01significance. Our brain is not made to
52:04to and there's a lot a lot of
52:06neurochemistry to this. There's a a
52:07neuropeptide in the brain called
52:09oxytocin. Have you ever heard of
52:10oxytocin? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the
52:12love molecule and it's how we connect
52:14with each other. How you connect with
52:15your baby, how you connect with your
52:16friends, how how people who are in love
52:18connect with each other very very deeply
52:20for deep friendship. Okay.
52:22>> You don't get it through a screen.
52:23Almost nothing. Almost nothing. And so
52:25neurochemically, we're not getting the
52:27link that we're evolved to actually get
52:30to connect with each other as human
52:31beings. And that destroys the sense of
52:33significance.
52:34>> And is that true? Bring that up.
52:36>> Oxytocin. Yeah. Oxytocin, a natural
52:39peptide hormone and neuropeptide.
52:42Um, it's often nicknamed the love
52:44hormone or cuddle hormone. It influences
52:47social recognition, trust, romantic
52:50attachment, and mother infant bonding.
52:52Wow. and the new research on Zoom screen
52:55for example, we wanted to know during
52:57COVID,
52:58>> how much do we actually get when we're
53:00disconnected and we're talking on
53:01FaceTime and Skype and and over the Zoom
53:03screen and the answer is not very much.
53:05Um, when prolonged social isolation
53:07settles in, the body's hormonal systems
53:09undergo a profound shift. Social
53:13isolation essentially hijacks the
53:16oxytocin system by driving down its
53:18baseline production and allowing stress
53:20hormones to dominate the brain.
53:22So that comes from social isolation. So
53:26it uh it hijacks the oxytocin system by
53:29driving down its baseline production and
53:30allowing stress hormones to dominate the
53:32brain. So not only do you have lower
53:35oxytocin, but it
53:36>> when you're only on screens and not in
53:38person
53:38>> when you're only on screens and not in
53:39person, but scientifically it allows
53:42more stress in
53:43>> for sure. I mean basically said that
53:45that that space man's going to get
53:47filled by something. But so the enemies
53:48are at the gates and we're we we we're
53:50we're the gate. We're the enemies and
53:53the gates.
53:53>> Yeah. Did Did Bishop Baron Bishop B when
53:56he's on the show, did he teach you the
53:57the did he teach you the St. Michael
53:59prayer?
54:01>> This is a great prayer. So St. Michael
54:02the Archangel, one of the three
54:04archangels in the Old Testament, and
54:06he's believed by Catholics to actually
54:08fight the devil.
54:09>> But that's how he talks to us. St.
54:11Michael the Archangel, defend us in
54:12battle. Be our protection against the
54:14wickedness and snares of the devil. May
54:16God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do
54:19not do thou, oh prince of the heavenly
54:21host, you know, and and it talks about,
54:23you know, cast into hell Satan who
54:26prowls about the world seeking the ruin
54:28of souls.
54:29>> Wow. Okay, good manly stuff, right?
54:31>> We need that right now.
54:32>> We need that right now. But but look,
54:34okay, even if people are watching us,
54:35they don't believe literally in Satan.
54:37They don't believe in the hijacking of
54:38souls. They don't believe in all this
54:39stuff. There are problems out there. And
54:42you need the sword and shield.
54:43>> Yeah.
54:44>> You need the defense. Oh, Satan is
54:46lurking, bro. Satan these days has
54:48cleats on, dude. He is active, bro. That
54:52is the realest thing that that's become
54:54more real than ever.
54:55>> And you're just like, if you're looking
54:57at your phone all day long, you're
54:58wandering into battle unarmed and naked.
55:01>> Yeah.
55:01>> That's what you're doing.
55:03>> It's like good luck to you.
55:04>> And most who like a lot of like the it's
55:07just it's it's there's a lot of ill out
55:10there that's coming through the phone.
55:11And it's designed um it's designed to
55:16ruin you. Yeah.
55:17>> I think a lot of it is it's designed to
55:19ruin you.
55:20>> I think that more than anything else
55:21it's designed to leave you vulnerable.
55:24It's designed to disarm you.
55:26>> It's designed to leave you
55:29completely defenseless.
55:30>> The devil is here. And it's like
55:32>> and that ruins the sense of
55:34significance. The whole I this gets back
55:36to who loves me? Why does my life matter
55:39and to whom? And it's like I don't know.
55:43No, no. So people who are isolated, get
55:46this. So we talked about this a little
55:47bit before, isolation, right? Why
55:50isolation is so critically important.
55:52This is why all of this leads to
55:53loneliness is because of isolation, not
55:55because of solitude.
55:56>> And so just so we're just so we're just
55:57so I'm making sure that we're locked in
55:59here. H and how this is how does it how
56:01is this affecting significance?
56:02>> So significance is why your life matters
56:05and to whom. It's all about love. It's
56:07all about the people who value you,
56:09people who love you, people who care
56:10about you.
56:11>> And one of the main people needs to be
56:12you.
56:12>> Got to be [clears throat] you. And
56:14>> and a lot of you gets um a lot of you
56:16gets hijacked when um when we are on our
56:20screens and we're not actually on
56:23oursel.
56:23>> Yeah. It's almost as if you lost
56:25yourself that you don't know yourself.
56:27You're not. So it's a funny thing. So
56:28I'll I'll say to people, okay, put down
56:31your phone for the first hour of the
56:32day. Do the Brahma mhorta. first hour
56:34starting, you know, 48 minutes before
56:37dawn and and go for that walk without
56:39your device, without without headphones,
56:41just hearing the crunch of gravel
56:43beneath your feet and watching the sun
56:45come up. You will know you because
56:47you're going to be with you.
56:48>> Right.
56:49>> Right. And and but if you're not, you're
56:50I mean, it's like so there's a a
56:53Vietnamese Buddhist monk who died two
56:55years ago named Ticknot Han. Very has a
56:58Tiknan.
56:59>> Tiknadhan. Have you heard of him?
57:00>> No.
57:01>> Yeah. He's he had the you know the plum
57:03village movement which was a lot of
57:04westerners actually got into it. Ticknot
57:06>> rip ticknot.
57:07>> Yeah. Yeah. He's he was and he's he
57:09wrote his most famous book was called
57:11the miracle of mindfulness that starts
57:13off with this description of washing the
57:15dishes. And when you're washing the
57:17dishes, you should be washing the dishes
57:19and thinking about washing the dishes
57:20and fully present while you're washing
57:21the dishes because if you don't, you're
57:24not there. You're missing your life and
57:26we're missing our lives and you're
57:28missing your life. So if you're really
57:30not missing your life in that first hour
57:32of the day, you're there for you. You
57:36care about you. You're fully showing up
57:38is what it comes down to.
57:40>> If while washing dishes, we think only
57:42of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus
57:44hurrying to get the dishes out of the
57:45way as if they were a nuisance.
57:48Then we are not washing the dishes to
57:50wash the dishes.
57:52>> What's more, we're not alive during the
57:54time we're washing the dishes.
57:56>> It's the thing, isn't it?
57:57>> Yeah. It's just about being like having
57:59a sense of presence. Um before we move
58:02forward, uh how let's uh can how can we
58:05tie a bow on uh significance? So sign to
58:08lock it down to say, okay, I if I'm with
58:12if I'm with somebody who if I'm with my
58:14wife and and every time I'm with her,
58:16she's scrolling her phone. She's not
58:19actually with me and I don't know if she
58:21loves me, right?
58:22>> And that's that destroys my sense of
58:23significance. If every time I'm by
58:26myself, I'm scrolling my phone, I'm not
58:28with me,
58:30>> right?
58:30>> And I'm not even significant to me.
58:33>> That's And that's what it feels like
58:35right now.
58:35>> Sure does.
58:36>> You just start to feel like this.
58:38>> Who am I? I'm I'm nothing. I'm a
58:42simulation of me.
58:43>> Right.
58:44>> That's super heavy when you think about
58:47it. I don't want to be a simulation of
58:48me. I want to be me. Right.
58:50>> Right. I mean, for all the problems that
58:51I've actually gotten, all the dumb stuff
58:53that I've actually I I want to at least
58:55I get one life. Why am I missing it? You
58:58know, why am I simulating it? Why am I
59:00running at like a some sort of weird
59:02blooper reel? What What's the deal? How
59:04stupid is that? What am I trying to
59:06distract myself from?
59:08>> And the answer is, I don't I don't know.
59:10I don't know. I'm just doing it. And
59:13that's no way to live. You
59:14>> know, it's no way to live. And it's I
59:16mean, it's certainly it's where I find
59:17myself a lot of times. It's like um
59:20>> and also I don't even notice how it just
59:22happens over and over again
59:24>> and the main it's just like oh it's just
59:26another rerun of the same like me
59:28finding these little things that I feel
59:30like meant something and they don't and
59:32then I just keep going.
59:33>> It's a doom loop actually. It's and what
59:34the problem is that we're very bad at
59:36boredom.
59:37>> And you know life until relatively
59:39recently was pretty boring.
59:41>> Your great-grandfather they were plowing
59:43fields three generations ago, right?
59:44>> Oh, I'm sure dude. They used to smoke. I
59:46know.
59:47>> Yeah. Yeah. And they were and and they
59:49were and and you know moment to moment
59:52your great greatgrandfather was
59:54basically looking at a mule's butt.
59:55>> Yeah.
59:56>> Right. No headphones, no podcast, not
59:58even yours or mine. Right.
1:00:00>> Yeah.
1:00:00>> But his life wasn't boring. Now you can
1:00:04wipe out every moment of boredom moment
1:00:07to moment over the course of your life,
1:00:08but life is profoundly boring. See, this
1:00:11is the thing, man. This is the irony. If
1:00:12you try to wipe out your boredom moment
1:00:14to moment, your life is going to be
1:00:15grindingly boring. M
1:00:17>> that's the irony of life. If you're not
1:00:19going to be alive, you're going to be
1:00:21dead.
1:00:22>> That's what happens.
1:00:23>> And we're missing out on being alive.
1:00:24>> We're zombies. We're walking dead.
1:00:26>> And so the things that we can do are we
1:00:28can find some coherence, right? Find
1:00:30things that make sense to us that we
1:00:32believe in that are sure to us. And
1:00:33sometimes if you can't find those in the
1:00:35media, you have to find those in um
1:00:37personal relationships and like um just
1:00:40things that are very sure to you.
1:00:42>> Your spiritual life.
1:00:42>> Your spiritual life.
1:00:43>> Super important because that's man that
1:00:45gets real real fast. Yeah.
1:00:47>> If you're basically like if you're going
1:00:48to like before at that 10 p.m. hour,
1:00:51you're down on your knees. Life gets
1:00:52real very fast.
1:00:54>> Yeah.
1:00:54>> Yeah. And a lot of people it's like
1:00:56what? Like my grandfather. Yep. Like
1:00:59your grandfather.
1:01:00>> And sometimes it's like people will say
1:01:02like um or people will say to me like
1:01:05man I just want to help other people.
1:01:07People say that a lot of times and and I
1:01:09think about that a lot too. And it's
1:01:10like but one one way I think that we can
1:01:13do that is by praying for others. It's
1:01:15like a giving of myself and my energy
1:01:18and my time with God. It's like me
1:01:21wanting to focus that onto someone else.
1:01:23>> For sure. That's a that's an ancient
1:01:25truth what you just articulated. Yeah.
1:01:27For sure. I mean, the monastic tradition
1:01:29is that the the monks and the nuns that
1:01:31would be cloistered, meaning that they
1:01:33never go out. Their whole job was
1:01:35praying for others.
1:01:36>> Wow.
1:01:37>> Full-time, man. Full-time praying for
1:01:39other people because we believe, you
1:01:40know, Christians believe that
1:01:42intercessory prayer is a real thing.
1:01:44>> No. The intercessory prayer actually
1:01:46works.
1:01:46>> Intercessory.
1:01:47>> Intercessory prayer. You're interceding
1:01:49for somebody else. You're asking God for
1:01:51something for them is what it comes down
1:01:52to. That's super powerful. Now, I don't
1:01:55know.
1:01:55>> And how long do they pray for? Just for
1:01:57all the time.
1:01:57>> Yeah. Yeah. Like like a lot of the day.
1:02:00>> What do you even have for lunch during
1:02:01that or whatever?
1:02:02>> I know. It's like eating a corn dog and
1:02:04praying for Theo von. So, [laughter]
1:02:06>> yeah. Dude, you're just over there
1:02:08praying for uh Kyle Larson [laughter] or
1:02:11something. computers haven't shipped on
1:02:13your life.
1:02:13>> No, but it's like and it's funny
1:02:14because, you know, I know a lot of lay
1:02:17people, you know, who are not living in
1:02:19religious communities who will have a
1:02:20list of people they pray for every
1:02:22single morning and actually start their
1:02:24day praying for a list of other people.
1:02:25And I try to do that, too. I try to pray
1:02:27for other people every single day. And
1:02:28people who and the last one was like,
1:02:30"And Lord, I'm praying for all the
1:02:32people who ask me to pray for them, but
1:02:33I forgot."
1:02:34>> Yeah. [laughter]
1:02:35>> Yeah. Yeah. You got to bundle it.
1:02:37>> You got to bundle it.
1:02:38>> Sometimes you have to bundle it, man.
1:02:39>> I know. But that's really powerful. God
1:02:41gets that prayer and he's like, "Oh god,
1:02:42I got one this one bundled."
1:02:44>> I know. It's like it's lame. [laughter]
1:02:48>> But that's a big deal what you just
1:02:50said. That's a real That's a real thing.
1:02:52>> So that's the first one is having co
1:02:54things that are creating coherence for
1:02:55yourself, right? Things that
1:02:56>> happen that really help you understand
1:02:58why things happen in the world.
1:03:00>> Got it.
1:03:00>> Right. The second is making sure that
1:03:02you've got direction in your life.
1:03:03>> And the third thing is knowing who loves
1:03:05you and why.
1:03:05>> Got it.
1:03:06>> That's and if you do that, you've got
1:03:07meaning. Here's a test to see that kind
1:03:10of bundles all that stuff together. It's
1:03:12really scientifically validated. I've
1:03:13been giving this test for 30 years.
1:03:14>> It is. It's very scientifically
1:03:16validated.
1:03:16>> Yeah. So, in other words, we've tested
1:03:18all this stuff. It's in a lot of
1:03:19research, etc. Those three, the why
1:03:21questions are super scientifically
1:03:22validated. Got it. There's a guy named
1:03:24Mike Steager who's a who's a a
1:03:26psychologist and in Colorado and he's
1:03:28done he's published, you know, books and
1:03:30academic journal articles on why this
1:03:32works, etc.
1:03:33>> Okay. But I have a two question exam
1:03:35that I give my students to see where
1:03:37they are on that. That makes it easier.
1:03:39And if they're struggling, then they
1:03:41they don't need to look for the meaning
1:03:42of life. They need to look for the
1:03:43answers to these two questions. Okay.
1:03:45>> Okay. Question number one is why are you
1:03:47alive?
1:03:49>> And and the way to answer that is like
1:03:50who made me or for what reason? Maker
1:03:52and mission.
1:03:53>> Okay.
1:03:54>> So, and and and by the way, you can't
1:03:55Google that.
1:03:56>> So, wait. Why are you alive?
1:03:57>> Why are you alive? I mean, why are you
1:03:59walking the earth?
1:03:59>> And that's a question I need to ask
1:04:01myself when. And you you need to start
1:04:03contemplating that question and maybe
1:04:05thinking about it during your holy hour,
1:04:07first thing in the morning when you're
1:04:08out for that walk is thinking, why am I
1:04:10alive? Who did create me? And for what
1:04:12purpose am I alive? Cuz here's the
1:04:14thing, you have been created for a
1:04:16purpose. Amen. Absolutely.
1:04:17>> But it's obscured especially on the hard
1:04:20mornings. Like that's when it's hard
1:04:22because that's when old scratch is
1:04:24bothering you, right?
1:04:26>> When the devil starts winning too.
1:04:27>> Old scratch.
1:04:28>> Is that the devil?
1:04:29>> Yeah.
1:04:29>> Dang. [laughter] What the heck? That's
1:04:31his
1:04:31>> You're southern. You're from Louisiana,
1:04:33aren't you?
1:04:33>> Yeah, dude.
1:04:34>> That's an old Catholic Louisiana deal.
1:04:36>> Old scratch.
1:04:37>> Old scratch. Not bad, right?
1:04:38>> God. Yeah.
1:04:39>> Yeah. When he's got his old pitchfork
1:04:40out and he's, you know, distracting you
1:04:42from the things that matter.
1:04:44>> So, okay, who created me and for what
1:04:46purpose? And let's give that some
1:04:47thought. Second question is, what would
1:04:50I die for right now? Happily,
1:04:54>> it's a funny thing because two of my
1:04:55kids are US Marines. Two of my three
1:04:56kids are Marines. Mhm.
1:04:58>> And one of the things that you find is
1:05:00when people come out of combat roles in
1:05:02the military that that they're and they
1:05:04can have problems, right? I mean,
1:05:05there's PS PTSD and you know, all this
1:05:07stuff, but they're happier because they
1:05:10have answers, especially to that second
1:05:12question. You know, my son was a scout
1:05:14sniper in the Marine Corps. That's a
1:05:16hard job. That's a that's a an elite
1:05:18job. And and I said, "So, what would you
1:05:21die for after he came out of the
1:05:22Marines?" 23, married with a kid, right?
1:05:25He said, "Easy. I signed a contract for
1:05:27the government for that question. You
1:05:29know, I would die for my faith and
1:05:31family obviously, but I would die for my
1:05:32fellow Marines in the United States of
1:05:33America. Boom.
1:05:35>> So, he had his answer.
1:05:36>> Mic drop. He had an answer. And he was
1:05:38fundamentally happier because that was
1:05:40defining of his sense of meaning in
1:05:42life, whether he was thinking about
1:05:43meaning and all this esoteric
1:05:45psychological neuroscience nonsense.
1:05:48>> He had something foundational.
1:05:49>> Foundational. It's like, why? Why are
1:05:51you alive? Carlos says because God made
1:05:54me to serve others.
1:05:54>> Carlos who? Carlos Brooks, my son.
1:05:56>> Oh, that's his name.
1:05:57>> Yeah.
1:05:58>> Oh, shout out Carlos Brooks. Bring up a
1:05:59picture of him.
1:06:00>> Good old Carlos Brooks. Is he on the Is
1:06:02he on the internet? There he is.
1:06:03>> That's him.
1:06:04>> That's him.
1:06:05>> Jeepers, dude.
1:06:06>> That's my son,
1:06:07>> bro. If he's freaking Bro, if he's
1:06:09mowing the lawn with that, I [laughter]
1:06:10know.
1:06:12>> Yeah. Tell him. Uh, that's awesome. Oh,
1:06:13that's Thank you for your service, sir.
1:06:15>> Absolutely. And his little sister now is
1:06:16an officer in the Marine Corps. She's a
1:06:18She's a second lieutenant out of Kay,
1:06:20Hawaii right now.
1:06:21>> Oo, that's a beautiful place to be for
1:06:23her, huh?
1:06:23>> Yeah. She's 411. He's 6'5.
1:06:26>> So he uh
1:06:27>> and he has to salute her because she's
1:06:29an officer
1:06:30>> really.
1:06:31>> Well, he's not active duty, but he gave
1:06:34her her first salute. That was very
1:06:36beautiful moment.
1:06:37>> He gave her her first salute.
1:06:38>> Yep. As an officer. She was commissioned
1:06:40um uh a year ago in Providence, Rhode
1:06:43Island after she graduated from college
1:06:44and she took her first salute from her
1:06:46older brother.
1:06:46>> Oh, that's awesome, man.
1:06:48>> It was really great. But you know, his
1:06:49he's got answers to his questions. Why
1:06:51did Why are you alive? Because God made
1:06:52me to serve others,
1:06:53>> right? for what would you give your life
1:06:55for my faith family for fellow Marines
1:06:57United States of America. There there it
1:06:59is. There it is. First salute.
1:07:01>> Oh, that's cool, dude.
1:07:05>> That's beautiful, dude.
1:07:06>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
1:07:07>> And her name Marina.
1:07:09>> Marina.
1:07:10>> Marina. She's she's uh she was born in
1:07:12in um in Fujo, China.
1:07:15>> Oo.
1:07:15>> We we adopted her in 2004 at the age of
1:07:1816 months. She had been abandoned at 12
1:07:20hours old.
1:07:21>> Uhuh. in a on a park bench in China
1:07:25parking. No, it was good, man. She's
1:07:27she's tough. She's tough.
1:07:28>> She's a good Yeah. Look, I mean, look,
1:07:29if you spend a night out in a park, I've
1:07:31slept in some parks, dude. [laughter]
1:07:33>> You know what I'm saying?
1:07:35>> At 12 hours old.
1:07:36>> Hey, not at 12 hours, bro. But maybe
1:07:38>> she's she's tough as nails, man. She's
1:07:40tough as nails. She's so strong and so
1:07:42good and she loves me and I love her.
1:07:44>> Blessings. Thank you for your service.
1:07:46>> Yeah,
1:07:47>> Marina. Um,
1:07:48>> my baby.
1:07:49>> My baby forever.
1:07:50>> Yeah. Yeah. Huh.
1:07:51>> And lethal
1:07:53>> lethal babies, dude. That's what that's
1:07:55what we need more of. [laughter]
1:07:57>> We need more lethal babies.
1:07:59>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's why people
1:08:00in the military, by the way, and that's
1:08:01one of the things I recommend to a lot
1:08:02of young men who have no answers to
1:08:04these questions. I recommend the
1:08:06military. Yeah. Because the military
1:08:08helps you find answers to these
1:08:10questions.
1:08:10>> Just adding structure to yourself
1:08:12because it things can get really
1:08:14unstructured. Yeah. You know, things can
1:08:15get extremely unstructured.
1:08:17>> Yeah. And for you and me too. I mean,
1:08:18who knows if we would have been better
1:08:20off.
1:08:20>> Dude, when I leave out of here, I could
1:08:22go let you know what I'm saying. There's
1:08:23nothing. It's just me that's going to
1:08:25keep me going for the rest of the day.
1:08:27Like, there's things, you know, I have
1:08:28responsibilities to my co-workers and
1:08:30and we'll do some stuff together, but
1:08:31it's like, yeah, it's and I'm sure it's
1:08:33the same for a lot of people. It's like,
1:08:36>> um, yeah, they have to be the ones to
1:08:38keep themselves going. Um, and I think
1:08:40if I can create more of a relationship
1:08:42with myself, then it's more there's
1:08:46something to keep going, right?
1:08:48>> Cuz otherwise you can fall in. I'm just
1:08:50this sort of like thing. I'm this I'm
1:08:52this repeating thing.
1:08:53>> Yeah. So thinking about those questions
1:08:55is critical because what that does is it
1:08:57opens up your brain
1:08:59>> so that meaning of your life will find
1:09:00you. It's the cheat code.
1:09:02>> Okay. So I want to say those again and
1:09:03those questions are
1:09:04>> the questions are number one, why are
1:09:06you alive? like who made you for what
1:09:08purpose like why are you alive like why
1:09:10are you walking the earth I don't know
1:09:12random right now no it's more than that
1:09:14but if you don't think about it and and
1:09:16again it might take years right but you
1:09:19have to plant seeds that's another thing
1:09:20about talking with yourself and have a
1:09:21relationship with yourself I noticed for
1:09:23me it's like
1:09:25>> it's it'll plant a little seed I'll
1:09:26start something and it might not be
1:09:28anything for a little bit and then it'll
1:09:30come back around when I have some space
1:09:32or when I have some peace or when I'm at
1:09:34rested it's like oh okay
1:09:36>> that's
1:09:37That's right. That's right.
1:09:38>> Because your brain will do a lot of the
1:09:39work for you.
1:09:40>> That's right. And you know, that has
1:09:42been fundamental to my life. I mean,
1:09:44there different points of my life when I
1:09:45felt very desperate.
1:09:47>> Really lost, as a matter of fact. And
1:09:48and by the way, that doesn't stop. I
1:09:50mean, the last time I was very
1:09:51desperate, I was 55. I was retiring from
1:09:53this big job. I was super burnt out. I
1:09:56didn't know what I was doing. And so, I
1:09:58went on a a pilgrimage. I walked
1:10:01hundreds of miles across northern Spain.
1:10:03>> I was going to say a pill.
1:10:04>> No, pilgrimage. Oh yeah,
1:10:06>> pilgrimage.
1:10:07>> But that's how things have changed right
1:10:08there. It used to be people go on a
1:10:09pilgrimage. [laughter]
1:10:11Now they go on a pill.
1:10:13>> I recommend the pilgrimage. And and I
1:10:14just thought, you know, why am I alive
1:10:16and for what would I give my life? Yeah.
1:10:18>> Why am I alive and for what would I give
1:10:19my life?
1:10:20>> Why am I alive? And for what will I give
1:10:21my life? It's a tough thing to answer
1:10:23kind of.
1:10:24>> It is. It is. And sometimes you just
1:10:25have an understanding, a deep
1:10:26understanding of it. And you ask for the
1:10:28grace if you're religious to to to put
1:10:30this put the understanding of these
1:10:32questions on my heart. put these like
1:10:34grant me this wisdom
1:10:35>> and so so that's something I could ask
1:10:37God to do because it's like I don't even
1:10:38know if I know those answers.
1:10:40>> Yeah, I know. And you and and for sure
1:10:42of course I mean it's hard I mean and
1:10:44those answers change over the course of
1:10:45your life for sure. But that led me to I
1:10:48mean now I mean my purpose my mission is
1:10:52to lift people up and bring them
1:10:54together in bonds of happiness and love
1:10:56using science and ideas. Okay,
1:10:58>> that's my mission in life that I came up
1:11:00with that on the pilgrimage
1:11:01>> asking those questions,
1:11:03>> you know, and and and I feel like that
1:11:04that information was granted to me
1:11:06because I was in the space to actually
1:11:08get that. But if you don't if it's like
1:11:10you know the way to not be in the space
1:11:14I mean
1:11:15and hours pass and days pass and and and
1:11:18your life passes.
1:11:20>> Okay. So I want to say those again uh
1:11:22and those questions are
1:11:24>> number one ask yourself why am I alive?
1:11:26So, why am I alive? And how do we ask
1:11:28ourselves it? Cuz you don't want to ask
1:11:29yourself in a way that's negative that
1:11:31puts you into a negative
1:11:32>> state. Not as if, you know, I might as
1:11:33well be dead,
1:11:34>> but I'm alive. There's a reason,
1:11:36>> right?
1:11:37>> And I want to know what it is. And the
1:11:38two parts are who created me and number
1:11:41two is for what purpose.
1:11:43>> Now, that doesn't have to be religious
1:11:44like me and you. We we do our own thing,
1:11:47right? I like my way.
1:11:49>> Yeah.
1:11:49>> But there's got to there's got to be an
1:11:50answer to that. There's got to be an
1:11:52answer to that. But the second one is,
1:11:54you know, like this. It gets real fast
1:11:56when you say for what would I die? Like
1:11:59what? Cuz a lot of people are like, I
1:12:01don't know why I'm alive and I don't
1:12:04have any idea what I die for. What a way
1:12:07that's a hell of a way to live. Right.
1:12:08Right. Cuz if you don't have something
1:12:10you would die for, then uh then what are
1:12:12you living for? Right. Correct. Right.
1:12:14There's not a real purpose. So and I
1:12:16think some of us have some basic things,
1:12:18right? Like you if you have a family or
1:12:20if you have children, those will give
1:12:21you some some severe purpose. Sometimes
1:12:24it could be work. If you have a work
1:12:25that you're passionate about and you
1:12:27feel like is helping the world,
1:12:28>> if you have kids, most people would die
1:12:30for their kids. Yeah. Most people really
1:12:31would die for their kids. Um, would you
1:12:33die for your friends? Would you die for
1:12:34your country? Would you die for your
1:12:36faith? Would you die for your ideas?
1:12:38Would you die for a stranger?
1:12:39>> I mean, it's really worth thinking about
1:12:41that, right? Because, you know, I I
1:12:43don't know.
1:12:44>> I don't know. But there's sometimes when
1:12:46I feel more like I would and and but but
1:12:49the act of doing that what that does is
1:12:52as a scientific matter is it it opens up
1:12:54the aperture to meaning by actually
1:12:56activating the right hemisphere of your
1:12:58brain.
1:12:59>> So it opens up the aperture to meaning
1:13:01by opening up the right side of your
1:13:02right
1:13:03>> the right hemisphere of your brain
1:13:04>> which is where meaning is calculated.
1:13:06>> This is where we this is where we
1:13:08process issues of meaning.
1:13:09>> Okay.
1:13:10>> Is in the right side of our brain.
1:13:11That's where intuition happens, mystery,
1:13:13love, happiness, all the stuff that the
1:13:15why questions of life.
1:13:16>> Wow.
1:13:16>> Like, you know, the how to and what is
1:13:18what you're doing all day long. You
1:13:19know, you're doing your podcast and it's
1:13:20a really technical thing and you got all
1:13:22these stuff, all these, you know, how to
1:13:23and what questions answer.
1:13:25>> But it's going to be really depressing
1:13:27>> if you don't ask the why question first.
1:13:29Why am I doing the podcast? Why am I
1:13:31doing that podcast? And the answer is to
1:13:33help a whole bunch of people, to
1:13:35entertain and help people,
1:13:37>> right? Because I want to make my living.
1:13:39>> Yeah.
1:13:39>> And those are that's really important.
1:13:40Why is way more important? All the
1:13:42important stuff is on the right. All the
1:13:44technical stuff is on the left.
1:13:46>> And people are on the left side. Anytime
1:13:47you're looking at your phone, you're on
1:13:48the left side.
1:13:50>> Got it. Well, we've also the all of our
1:13:53the owners of so many of these uh tech
1:13:57companies and a lot of these sort of
1:13:59tech oligarchs, and I'm not blaming
1:14:01thing, but it's like they are all left
1:14:04they seem very leftrainish.
1:14:07>> Yeah, they're Yeah, they are. There's
1:14:08there's just all these tech lords and a
1:14:10lot there's a lot of like you know these
1:14:12tech lords nowadays people say that term
1:14:14but uh they all have sort of this you
1:14:17know it feels a lot of times like an
1:14:19autism like where they don't know how to
1:14:21create like they're trying to connect us
1:14:23more than ever right
1:14:25>> but it's not working
1:14:26>> right
1:14:27>> and I don't even know if some of them
1:14:28possess you know I believe a lot of them
1:14:30have like an autism like a tectism or
1:14:32whatever
1:14:33>> and that they don't even know how to
1:14:34proc they're just going to keep trying
1:14:37it's They're just trying to like find
1:14:40the exact formula. It's like
1:14:42It's a hug.
1:14:43>> You know what I'm saying? It's there
1:14:44there's two equations.
1:14:47Your two arms and my two arms. It's like
1:14:49there's nothing. You know what I'm
1:14:50saying? Like I do.
1:14:51>> I do. I know exactly what you're saying.
1:14:52And and and one of the biggest problems
1:14:53that we have.
1:14:54>> And if you back up a couple hundred
1:14:56years to they talk about the
1:14:57Enlightenment. The Enlightenment was
1:14:59this idea that there's a solution to
1:15:01every human problem. That science is
1:15:03going to come up with a solution to
1:15:04every problem. That was a belief in the
1:15:06enlightenment that a kind of a religion
1:15:08of scientism. It's completely wrong.
1:15:11It's completely wrong. And it has
1:15:13everything to do with the fact that
1:15:14scientism and science and technological
1:15:16solutions are the solutions to
1:15:19complicated problems, not the
1:15:20complexities of the right hemisphere,
1:15:22which is all the why stuff, the things
1:15:23you can understand but you can't solve.
1:15:26I'll give you an example. All of your
1:15:28human relationships, they're not
1:15:30complicated problems like writing
1:15:31software or putting together a jet
1:15:33engine or even building a toaster. Your
1:15:35relationships are complex problems that
1:15:37you'll never solve, but they're easy to
1:15:39understand.
1:15:40>> Okay, wait. Say that stuff again.
1:15:41>> So complicated problems that tech is
1:15:44really good at solving or problems that
1:15:46are hard to figure out, but once you do,
1:15:48they're solved. That's not the same as
1:15:51complex problems, which are really easy
1:15:54to understand and impossible to solve.
1:15:56My marriage is incredibly complex. It's
1:15:58my most complex problem.
1:16:00>> Right? Love is a complex problem
1:16:01>> because it's completely it's like you
1:16:02know your cat is a complex problem.
1:16:04That's why you love your motherhood.
1:16:05Being a child all these
1:16:07>> a mechanical cat is a complicated
1:16:08problem which is why you don't love your
1:16:10your mechanical cat. Right. Right. And
1:16:12so if the tech guys and the whole
1:16:15culture are saying there's a complicated
1:16:17technological solution to all of our
1:16:19deep human needs, they're going to keep
1:16:21giving us mechanical cats. And that's
1:16:23why we feel so empty when we spend all
1:16:25day scrolling is because it's one
1:16:27mechanical cat after the other and we
1:16:29want a real cat.
1:16:30>> That's what it comes down to.
1:16:31>> Who don't want a little cat?
1:16:33>> Cat's warm. You don't know what it's
1:16:34going to do.
1:16:35>> It's alive. It's a It's a creature.
1:16:37>> Oh yeah.
1:16:38>> And the and the machine is like it's it
1:16:40it approximates a cat. It doesn't poop.
1:16:43>> No litter box, right?
1:16:44>> Don't have to feed it. Just kind of plug
1:16:46it in.
1:16:47>> It's better than a cat. No, it's
1:16:48completely inadequate.
1:16:50>> Right.
1:16:50>> It's totally inadequate. And so all of
1:16:52these tech solutions, so yeah, social
1:16:55media is going to wipe out loneliness.
1:16:57Every hour you spend on social media,
1:16:59you will get lonelier because your brain
1:17:02knows the difference. That's the it's
1:17:03like
1:17:04>> social media,
1:17:06>> which has its place and it's not going
1:17:07away. And it can do a lot of good, but
1:17:09it's basically the junk food of our
1:17:11social lives. You know, if you're really
1:17:13hungry and you're coming home from a gig
1:17:15and and you pass like a fast food place
1:17:17and you're like, "Yeah, it's going to be
1:17:19good." and you stop in and and it is
1:17:21good, right? You get all your calories,
1:17:23but you get hungry really fast later
1:17:26because it doesn't meet your nutrient
1:17:27needs. And so, you can binge and get
1:17:30both malnourished and obese at the same
1:17:32time. If you eat stuff that's high in
1:17:34calories and low in nutrients, social
1:17:36media is high in calories and low in
1:17:38nutrients.
1:17:39>> Yeah.
1:17:40>> Which means that we'll binge it and get
1:17:41lonier and lonier and
1:17:43>> soul just has a lot of fat on it.
1:17:44>> And the reason is because it's a
1:17:45simulation of what we actually want.
1:17:46Wow. Fast food is a simulation for the
1:17:48nutrient-dense foods that our bodies
1:17:50need.
1:17:51>> So, why can't we quit it right now?
1:17:52What's going on?
1:17:53>> Because we're super addicted.
1:17:55>> Okay, got it. So, we are addicted, but
1:17:56also there's this element of the devil
1:17:59is creating it. It feels like to like
1:18:02they are sharpening the spear every
1:18:05single day.
1:18:05>> Yeah. Well, it's sol it's also here's an
1:18:07interesting thing. So, you've dealt with
1:18:08you know we we understand how addiction
1:18:10substances work.
1:18:11>> Oh, yeah. Substance addiction is always
1:18:14the solution to a problem that winds up
1:18:16creating a ta catastrophe.
1:18:17>> Okay. Wait. Say, so substance abuse,
1:18:20substance addiction,
1:18:21>> yeah, is always a solution to a problem.
1:18:23>> Is always a solution to a problem,
1:18:24>> but it always creates a bigger problem.
1:18:26>> But it always creates a bigger problem.
1:18:27>> So for example, people who are anxious
1:18:29are in danger. Everybody watching us who
1:18:31has not not clinical, you know,
1:18:33generalized anxiety, no, who has an
1:18:35anxious job, who's an anxious person.
1:18:37>> Yeah. like real anxiety like something
1:18:39you know like
1:18:39>> which is unfocused fear right that's
1:18:42anxiety you're in danger for alcohol
1:18:44abuse
1:18:44>> and there's a reason for that we
1:18:46actually understand that that you're the
1:18:48alcohol I mean anxiety it stimulates the
1:18:51amygdala which is the part of your brain
1:18:52for fight or flight
1:18:54>> and and you don't like it right and it's
1:18:56chronic and it's uncomfortable you'll
1:18:58cut the connection with your conscious
1:19:00brain with your prefrontal cortex with
1:19:02alcohol alcohol snips that connection so
1:19:04you're stressed out but you don't know
1:19:06it and that's the reason that when
1:19:07you're really stressed out, like really
1:19:08stressed out, two drinks and you're a
1:19:10new man.
1:19:11>> Yeah.
1:19:11>> And then another six drinks and you're
1:19:12the best version of yourself and then
1:19:14and then after that you don't remember
1:19:16anything. So the problem with that is
1:19:18that then it will rebound. It will
1:19:19create a much bigger problem with
1:19:20escalation and and and all the things
1:19:22that we understand that are attendant on
1:19:24that. If you're lonely, opiates solve
1:19:27that problem because they feel like
1:19:29love. Opiates feel like love and they
1:19:31hit some of the same receptors as
1:19:32oxytocin. As a matter of fact, the
1:19:35problem is that they create addiction
1:19:36and destroy your relationships in the
1:19:38end. The reason that we're using social
1:19:40media addictively is because we hate
1:19:42boredom. It's boring and it it wipes out
1:19:45boredom. But what it does is it creates
1:19:48the most boring possible life. That's
1:19:51the irony. It's just like it's just like
1:19:52alcohol, right?
1:19:53>> It's like I'm feeling stressed out and
1:19:55so I wipe out momentary stress and all I
1:19:58get is like the most stressed out
1:19:59horrible life ever.
1:20:01>> Yeah.
1:20:01>> That's it's the same thing. Hey, we're
1:20:03wiping out a little problem. We're
1:20:04creating a cat catastrophe. That's how
1:20:06old Scratch works, by the way.
1:20:08>> That's the devil.
1:20:09>> The devil's active.
1:20:11>> Here's the thing about it, too. It's so
1:20:13funny. Nobody says, "The secret to my
1:20:16happiness is social media."
1:20:17>> Just like nobody says, you know, the
1:20:19secret to my happiness, meth,
1:20:21>> right?
1:20:22>> Like words never uttered.
1:20:23>> Yeah.
1:20:24>> And a lot of people use meth.
1:20:25>> Yeah, dude.
1:20:26>> Yeah.
1:20:27>> I never got to use it. I never I don't
1:20:29think I would have liked it. I don't
1:20:30like doing a lot of uh auto body type of
1:20:34you know?
1:20:35>> Yeah. It's actually more addictive than
1:20:36cocaine because it actually boosts it's
1:20:39the substance that we know of that
1:20:40boosts dopamine the most.
1:20:43>> Crystal meth is a 10x of your dopamine.
1:20:46>> Dang.
1:20:47>> It's like supercharged,
1:20:48>> dude. It's crazy. They gave it like
1:20:50crystal meth. They gave it as like a
1:20:52kind of a cool name to have overall,
1:20:54[laughter]
1:20:54>> you know? Um,
1:20:56>> so that's the problem with tech.
1:20:58>> Yeah. I don't know if I feel like
1:21:00there's a solution.
1:21:01>> There is. There is. There absolutely is.
1:21:03But it requires commitment. We don't
1:21:05need, you know, a massive 12step
1:21:07program, I don't think, for social
1:21:08media. What we need is is people to It's
1:21:12funny because when people stop using,
1:21:14they there's three things that they
1:21:15always do, right? And they stop using.
1:21:17Number one is that they get pissed.
1:21:20That's the first thing that happens. Get
1:21:22pissed off. This thing is is is ruining
1:21:25my life. This thing is sucking out my
1:21:27soul. and I don't want to live this way
1:21:29and it's not right. They get angry. You
1:21:31got to get mad enough. You know that
1:21:32feeling,
1:21:33>> right? So, you have to get upset that
1:21:34you're using this.
1:21:35>> You got to get furious. You need to be
1:21:37in a rage about that.
1:21:38>> Like when Yeah. Like what kind of bottom
1:21:40do people have to hit? Like you know
1:21:41what I'm saying? You need to sit, you
1:21:42know, like
1:21:43>> people's bottoms are different. So se
1:21:45with alcohol abuse 70% of people who
1:21:48stop using stop using before they hit
1:21:50rock bottom and have to go to rehab.
1:21:51>> Amen.
1:21:52>> So 70% This is really really good news.
1:21:54I never went to rehab.
1:21:55>> Yeah.
1:21:55>> I never went never had to go to rehab.
1:21:57Boy, was my life a mess. And so I But it
1:22:00wasn't I was in the 70%. I could have I
1:22:02could have taken that elevator down many
1:22:03more floors.
1:22:04>> Yeah.
1:22:04>> Right. So most people, but I I was so
1:22:07mad. I was so mad at what it was doing
1:22:09to my life, what it was doing my
1:22:10marriage, what it was doing to my
1:22:12relationship with God. It was tearing
1:22:13me. It was tearing apart my
1:22:15relationships. And I wasn't going to put
1:22:17up with this. Step one. Step two is
1:22:20actually understanding the science of
1:22:21what's actually going on sufficiently
1:22:23that you can actually engage in what the
1:22:26the medical intervention that's
1:22:27appropriate, right? I mean, you actually
1:22:29have to do something about it. Do
1:22:32something tangible about it, which might
1:22:33involve a 12step program, but usually it
1:22:35has to do with like going to the doctor
1:22:36and saying, "I got a problem here."
1:22:38>> For alcoholism, you mean?
1:22:39>> Yeah. Or alcoholism or any drug abuse or
1:22:41any addiction. By the way,
1:22:41>> are you talking about a screen addiction
1:22:43to screen too?
1:22:43>> That is it's really important that we
1:22:45actually have an intervention. You know
1:22:47the second step is actually intervening
1:22:49and changing our behavior.
1:22:50>> Okay. So the first step is hitting a
1:22:52bottom recognizing getting angry.
1:22:53>> Getting angry. The second is intervening
1:22:55in the process of using.
1:22:57>> So you have to intervene for yourself.
1:22:58>> Yep. And the third is you got to live in
1:23:00a new way.
1:23:01>> You got to live in a new way. I mean
1:23:02it's like you got to get new friends.
1:23:04And and you know it's funny because one
1:23:06thing that alcoholics always do that's
1:23:08really interesting
1:23:09>> is they try to go to step three first
1:23:11>> and they'll like move. Hey man, if I
1:23:13move then all these stimuli and all
1:23:15these kind of loser friends that I've
1:23:17got and all like that, it never works
1:23:19>> because you didn't do one and two,
1:23:20>> right?
1:23:21>> You didn't do actually the the you
1:23:22didn't get mad enough and you didn't
1:23:24actually intervene. But then you do have
1:23:25to live in a new way. And and so that's
1:23:28what we need to do with these screen
1:23:29addictions. People need to say, I I'm
1:23:31tired of this sucking out my soul. I'm
1:23:34tired of this actually taking over my
1:23:35life. I'm tired of missing my life.
1:23:37>> And I I feel like you almost hope you
1:23:39hit a rock bottom with it. You know, um
1:23:41I heard my friend uh Jay the other day
1:23:43shared at a meeting. He's like um and
1:23:45this was about addiction like and uh
1:23:47drug and alcohol but not uh screen
1:23:49addiction, but he just said rock bottom
1:23:50is when you break your own heart.
1:23:51>> Yeah, I know.
1:23:52>> And I thought that that was pretty
1:23:54profound. It was like
1:23:55>> this deep disappointment in you.
1:23:57>> And how like and like [clears throat]
1:23:59will we get there where we are like
1:24:02we're just fed up? We're like this isn't
1:24:04feeding anything anymore. These are just
1:24:06empty calories. Yes. um for a desperate
1:24:09>> we will because people do and then we
1:24:11will and we do and it turns out that the
1:24:13second part of the intervention is
1:24:14easier much easier.
1:24:16>> So the first one is is uh getting up
1:24:18>> acknowledging I got a big problem.
1:24:20>> The second one is an intervention
1:24:21>> and the intervention it turns out it's
1:24:23just those three steps that
1:24:24science-based things that we talked
1:24:25about before first hour meals last hour
1:24:29that in 42 days your life is different.
1:24:31>> So what are you saying you're going to
1:24:33that will help you stay off your screen?
1:24:34Yeah, it'll make it so that when you use
1:24:36your screen, you're using it as a tool
1:24:37and you're not using it as a way to
1:24:39actually pacify yourself. You're not
1:24:41using it to hypnotize yourself. You're
1:24:42not using it to miss your life.
1:24:44>> So, it's not the kind of thing where you
1:24:45won't think of it in every single
1:24:47moment. So, if you don't use it the
1:24:48first hour of the day, after about it
1:24:49takes about six weeks
1:24:51>> most, and that's a rule of thumb. Your
1:24:53results may vary, right? It might be
1:24:54less, it might be more, but the whole
1:24:55point is a few weeks. And what you'll
1:24:57find is that you won't think of it all
1:24:59the time when you're not doing something
1:25:00else. Like when you're waiting at the
1:25:02light, light's kind of taking a long
1:25:03time. It's like a thing,
1:25:05>> right? That's because you don't want
1:25:06your mind to wander. You want to keep
1:25:08the mind wandering. It's called the
1:25:09default mode network in your brain. You
1:25:12want to keep it off.
1:25:13>> That mind wandering is really
1:25:15uncomfortable and that's why we do it,
1:25:16right? Okay. You won't you you'll get
1:25:18out of the habit of distracting yourself
1:25:20all the time,
1:25:21>> which is important. You'll also get more
1:25:24oxytocin because you're eating with
1:25:25other people and you're not having your
1:25:27phone on the table. We're evolved to eat
1:25:29with other people. So you're saying that
1:25:31the actual intervention for self is
1:25:33spending time with yourself in the
1:25:34morning have an experience for an hour
1:25:36uh
1:25:37>> together with others
1:25:38>> together with others
1:25:39>> with no phone even on the table
1:25:40>> with no phone on the table so you
1:25:41engaging in humanity
1:25:43>> um and you have a connection and then
1:25:45the last hour of the day and the phone
1:25:46should never be in the bedroom.
1:25:48>> Got it.
1:25:48>> Never. If it's the last hour and the
1:25:50first hour you don't have it, you don't
1:25:51need it in the bedroom. It's plugged in
1:25:52downstairs.
1:25:53>> Yeah. The phone in your bed, you're you
1:25:55supposed to have your spouse in there.
1:25:56>> I know. I know people that'll sleep with
1:25:58their phone and won't even sleep with
1:25:59their own spouse.
1:26:00>> I know. Well, I know people who are, you
1:26:01know, it's like the saddest thing is a
1:26:02spouse, you know, two spouses lying in
1:26:04their beds, you know, scrolling their
1:26:05individual Instagram until they fall
1:26:07unconscious
1:26:08>> and they don't even like each other's
1:26:10>> It's They're not even laughing at each
1:26:12other's funny memes.
1:26:13>> Dude, that's the worst, bro. You're
1:26:15lying there. Your wife post something.
1:26:16You're like,
1:26:17>> it's not funny. Yeah. So, it's it's
1:26:20Yeah. No, it's sad, actually. And so I
1:26:22mean you can save a ton of marriages if
1:26:24you just have like read to each other
1:26:26from a real book and then stare into
1:26:27each other's eyes for oxytocin nighty
1:26:29night man
1:26:30>> you'll wake up more in love than you
1:26:32went to sleep but you won't you're
1:26:34missing your marriage.
1:26:36>> It's it's just those three things.
1:26:38That's the intervention. And then you
1:26:39got to live in a new way where you're
1:26:41actually engaging in life and love and
1:26:44beauty and pain and life.
1:26:47>> Right? If there's something on the side
1:26:48like say you have something on the scale
1:26:50it's heavy, right? Like it's like, "Oh,
1:26:51this thing's too heavy for me. I'm tired
1:26:53of this like feeling checked out. I'm
1:26:55tired of this phone addiction. I'm tired
1:26:56of this." Like it could be alcohol.
1:26:58Whatever it is, whatever this thing is.
1:26:59Yeah. You have to put something on the
1:27:01other side of the scale. So, you can't
1:27:02you have to replace it kind of with
1:27:03something.
1:27:03>> You got to do it. Otherwise, you know
1:27:05what you I mean, I'm sure you know what
1:27:06a dry drunk is, right?
1:27:07>> Yeah.
1:27:08>> A dry I mean, for everybody doesn't
1:27:09know, a dry drunk is somebody who
1:27:11doesn't replace the alcohol with
1:27:13something that's positive. They don't
1:27:14get to the bottom of what you're
1:27:16actually trying to the need that you
1:27:18were trying to meet,
1:27:18>> right? I mean, you're remember you you
1:27:20you you use alcohol abusively because
1:27:23you're trying to solve a problem. So,
1:27:25you get rid of the alcohol without
1:27:26solving the problem. You're just going
1:27:28to be like a mean guy. Just that's
1:27:30called the dry drunk syndrome. And we
1:27:32could be dry social media users or
1:27:34something, you know, dry screen addicts
1:27:36or something.
1:27:37>> You're just standing around looking for
1:27:38something. Yeah. To be
1:27:39>> monkeyy's on your back, you know,
1:27:41[snorts] you're super nervous all the
1:27:42time. You're uncomfortable with
1:27:43yourself. You're bored.
1:27:45>> Yeah. You don't even You just feel less
1:27:46human. And I and I'm I'm amazed that you
1:27:49think that it's repairable, that you
1:27:51believe that there's another that
1:27:53there's a way out of this because
1:27:54sometimes it feels like there's not.
1:27:55>> Yeah. But there is and I've actually
1:27:57seen it with a lot of young people who
1:27:58are actually developing and using these
1:28:00protocols. Once again, it comes back to
1:28:02structuring the architecture of your own
1:28:04life the way that you want to live.
1:28:05Yeah.
1:28:06>> Taking back your own brain. I mean,
1:28:07again, it's not easy. If it were easy,
1:28:09everybody would do it. You know, there
1:28:10are actually studies now that show that
1:28:12teenagers would literally pay for there
1:28:15to be no social media. Yeah. Yeah. As
1:28:17long as nobody had it. They don't want
1:28:18to be the only ones who had it because
1:28:19they don't want to be alone on Gilligans
1:28:21Island. They they they want nobody to
1:28:23have it. They would literally pay I
1:28:24think it's like 35 bucks or something
1:28:26that they say they would pay on average
1:28:28to get obliterated. Right. There's a
1:28:30there's a good study here, right?
1:28:31>> A study led by researchers examined how
1:28:33much people value social media versus a
1:28:35world without it. When asked about
1:28:36individual use, participants typically
1:28:38said they would need to be paid uh 59
1:28:42around $59
1:28:44to deactivate their accounts
1:28:45individually. However, when asked about
1:28:47a collective deactivating scenario, many
1:28:49users would actually pay to get rid of
1:28:50the platforms.
1:28:51>> Yeah. They would pay an average of $28
1:28:55to deactivate a social media platform
1:28:57and 10 bucks to globally deactivate
1:29:00Instagram.
1:29:01>> You want to get rid of both? 38 bucks
1:29:03deal.
1:29:04>> Dude, how nice would it be? Imagine what
1:29:06it would be like.
1:29:06>> Yeah. And and you know, that's what a
1:29:08lot and these are teenagers who are
1:29:09saying this. But it's not like you and
1:29:11me, you know, grown up guys.
1:29:13>> Cuz then you got to be like around some
1:29:15like if you want to see people uh if you
1:29:19want to see you had to go see them,
1:29:20dude. You had to hope they were
1:29:22somewhere. Remember that.
1:29:23>> I know. I know. And so what happens is
1:29:26when young people do that, they'll have
1:29:27a they'll collectively do that. Groups
1:29:29of friends will do this. You see this on
1:29:30campuses
1:29:31>> and they get so much happier. And what
1:29:34are they doing at night after they after
1:29:35Saturday night when they come back from
1:29:36a party? They're just like BSing.
1:29:39They're having those conversations,
1:29:40those late night dorm conversations.
1:29:42Yeah.
1:29:42>> They're [clears throat] not waiting for
1:29:43the YouTube algorithm to deliver them
1:29:45some anesthetizing
1:29:48algorithmically
1:29:49derived information they didn't seek.
1:29:52It's so depressing.
1:29:53>> And you reminisce, bro.
1:29:54>> Yeah,
1:29:55>> dude. Laying like if my friends would
1:29:57sleep over, we'd do a sleepover or
1:29:59something, bro.
1:30:00>> I know. And
1:30:01>> we reminiscing.
1:30:02>> But you know the
1:30:03>> And we could lie to each other.
1:30:04>> I know. And you think about it right
1:30:05now. Nile.
1:30:07>> We're having a conversation right now
1:30:08and it's so awesome. I'm just enjoying
1:30:10it so much.
1:30:12>> You want to know why?
1:30:12>> Why?
1:30:13>> Because we're talking about real things
1:30:15in real time. And that's life and life.
1:30:17>> Well, dude, remember when you could lie
1:30:18to your friends, bro? [laughter]
1:30:21Remember that?
1:30:23>> Tell me a lie you told your friends.
1:30:25>> Oh, dude. I remember, bro. [laughter]
1:30:26So, we had [clears throat] to go like we
1:30:28was doing uh I don't know if it was boy
1:30:29scouts or if there was just like
1:30:31>> you were a boy scout.
1:30:32>> Uh it might have just been some
1:30:33pedophiles in the area. Nonetheless, we
1:30:36were going camping and right when we got
1:30:38there, I remember telling everybody
1:30:40like, "Man, I just can't even believe
1:30:41that." And they're like, "What
1:30:42happened?" I was like, "Did y'all see
1:30:43that Jay Leno had died?" And they're
1:30:45like, "What?" Even the dads and kids and
1:30:48everybody was like, "What?" And I was
1:30:49like, "Yeah, Jay Leno died." And they're
1:30:51like, "Oh man,
1:30:52>> you spread a rumor, a local rumor."
1:30:54>> So for So for the next two nights, we're
1:30:56out in the woods and stuff, and
1:30:57everybody thought Jay Leno had died. So
1:30:59I'd hear them sit up and talk about it
1:31:00at night. I would be in my tent, bro.
1:31:04Like laughing at a level that came from
1:31:07like I can't even tell
1:31:08>> because there was no internet access.
1:31:10There was no way to fact check that.
1:31:11Like we're like factchecking me in real
1:31:12time right now, right? Like nuh-uh.
1:31:14>> No. And I and I knew that when they got
1:31:16home, he was going to be alive for them.
1:31:18And that was awesome, too.
1:31:19>> That's pretty funny.
1:31:20>> I was like, damn.
1:31:21>> That was like real life.
1:31:22>> Not only am I having so much fun right
1:31:24now, but you guys are going to get Jay
1:31:25Leno back.
1:31:26>> Oh, it's so great. It's like
1:31:28resurrected.
1:31:29>> [laughter]
1:31:30>> Yeah.
1:31:31>> The reincarnation of Jay. Oh, dude.
1:31:35>> Oh god, bro.
1:31:37>> Yeah, that's great. So, so this is So,
1:31:39so that's the protocol. That's the
1:31:40protocols. One, two, three. Right. And
1:31:43no phone in the There shouldn't be, by
1:31:44the way, any phones in classrooms any
1:31:46place in America. That's completely
1:31:47insane. That's total That's nuts.
1:31:49>> But at a certain point, though, it's
1:31:51obvious that there are bigger entities
1:31:53out there who want us to. They want
1:31:54this,
1:31:55>> you know, sort of. I think that what's
1:31:57happening is we're finding our way. I
1:31:59know a lot of these guys and you do too.
1:32:00They want the best for their kids and
1:32:02they don't want to get sued to kingdom
1:32:04come and and they don't want the worst
1:32:06for our kids either. But we kind of
1:32:08people develop stuff and you know we've
1:32:10got this dynamic economy where people
1:32:12invent things they think are cool and it
1:32:14turns out that well they're dangerous
1:32:16too and we're going to figure it out.
1:32:18And you know when you meet these guys
1:32:20they're they're they're good dudes.
1:32:22They're good people and and they want
1:32:24the best and it's not just like profit
1:32:25at any cost. You have to not know them
1:32:27to think that it's profit at any cost.
1:32:29>> I don't know. Some of them you start to
1:32:31wonder if they're even people. Sometimes
1:32:33I [laughter] start to wonder and you I
1:32:35start to wonder like do they care about
1:32:38anything other than profit at any cost.
1:32:41Sometimes what I think that they've
1:32:42created is something that they can't
1:32:43control anymore.
1:32:44>> Yeah. And that's a common thing
1:32:46>> and they don't want to admit that.
1:32:47>> That's right. No. And look, I mean,
1:32:49there were people who who, you know,
1:32:51developed tobac tobacco products or
1:32:53people who developed the automobile and
1:32:55there were unintended consequences of
1:32:56those things and and we figured it out.
1:32:58>> Yeah,
1:32:59>> we figured it out and we're going to
1:33:00figure this one out, too. I'm I'm super
1:33:02optimistic about that. I just don't want
1:33:03to lose the generation in the meantime.
1:33:04>> I love that. No, I love hearing that
1:33:06because it's like that's the thing that
1:33:07we do need to hear is that there is
1:33:08optimism out there.
1:33:09>> Yeah. No, no, I'm very optimistic about
1:33:11it because humans are great at figuring
1:33:13stuff out, you know? It's not like the
1:33:15end of civilization. We're going to be
1:33:17all right. We're going to be all right.
1:33:18And
1:33:19>> the best thing used to be though, dude,
1:33:20when it was like you've but you if you
1:33:22wanted a story, you had to go to your
1:33:24buddy to get it, dude.
1:33:25>> I know.
1:33:25>> And that was the guy who told the story.
1:33:27And that's what added so much like
1:33:29>> it added of so much value to be
1:33:32>> and it was it was this and it was
1:33:33oxytocin and it was friendship and it
1:33:35was love and it was good.
1:33:37>> Yeah.
1:33:37>> And now what is it? We're actually just
1:33:39getting it virtually electronically.
1:33:41Just the facts. Just the facts. Just the
1:33:43facts. Left brain. Left brain. Left
1:33:44brain.
1:33:45>> Yeah. which is of course a simulation of
1:33:48fellowship and goodness and love. It's
1:33:49what it comes down to. So that's you
1:33:51know that's the that's the inter that's
1:33:54the the way that we get in that's the
1:33:56way that we um that's the sessation
1:33:59method is actually getting into that.
1:34:00That's the the way that we can actually
1:34:02solve the problem. But then we have to
1:34:04live in a different way because we've
1:34:05got to live the rest of our lives. And
1:34:07that comes back to living like your
1:34:08great-grandfather. My great-grandfather
1:34:10was Leroy Brooks.
1:34:12>> He plowed the fields in Kansas. Oh yeah.
1:34:15>> Yeah.
1:34:16>> Beautiful out [snorts] there.
1:34:17>> He he married Mary Ellen James, the the
1:34:19the sheriff's daughter.
1:34:22>> Her father had been strung up by
1:34:24Quantrail's raiders, you know, like
1:34:26Frank James and those guys. Yeah. Strung
1:34:28him up. He was It didn't kill him
1:34:30because they were too drunk to tie his
1:34:31hands.
1:34:32>> Dang.
1:34:32>> He let himself down, got married, had
1:34:34I'm alive today because of liquor.
1:34:36>> Yeah. [laughter]
1:34:38>> Also not fortunately not dead because of
1:34:40liquor.
1:34:41>> That's true.
1:34:41>> Always has a complicated relationship in
1:34:43our lives, doesn't it? [laughter] But
1:34:44but he was, you know, he was fully
1:34:46alive, bored moment to moment and
1:34:49completely engaged in his life. Yeah.
1:34:51Kids, grandkids, strong Christian guy,
1:34:53married 60 years.
1:34:55>> I guarantee you his life was not boring.
1:34:57He did not say on his deathbed, "Honey,
1:34:59that was boring."
1:35:00>> Yeah,
1:35:00>> cuz it wasn't. And so that's And how did
1:35:03he live? He lived with nature. He lived
1:35:06with beauty. He lived with his faith in
1:35:08God. He lived in love with his wife. He
1:35:11was fully alive and completely engaged
1:35:13in his life.
1:35:14>> We lived with all the real things that
1:35:15it's like we see clips of and we share
1:35:18them and we say, "Well, this is real.
1:35:19This mean something." But we're not like
1:35:21um we don't have a t like a uh we don't
1:35:24have a true relationship with it
1:35:26sometimes.
1:35:27>> Yeah. And so we need to we need to go
1:35:29back and do those things on purpose
1:35:31whereas there was no other choice. You
1:35:33know, people send out those internet
1:35:35clips now of how people lived in like
1:35:38the late 70s or 80s or something like
1:35:40that. That was my childhood.
1:35:41>> Yeah.
1:35:41>> And it was like, "Ride our bikes." And
1:35:43and and if you got to call home, you got
1:35:45to find a pay phone, but you probably
1:35:46don't. Your mom's like, "Make sure
1:35:47you're home before nightfall." And she
1:35:49didn't know any idea where you were,
1:35:50what you were doing. And you're at the
1:35:52arcade. Ding ding ding ding playing
1:35:53pingball. And And these kids who are
1:35:55like
1:35:56>> 17 years old are feeling sentimental
1:35:58about my childhood
1:36:00>> because they know it was real.
1:36:02>> There was something real in it.
1:36:03>> Something real in it. Right.
1:36:04>> Yeah. And that's key is to actually live
1:36:06in this old-fashioned way. Falling in
1:36:09love,
1:36:10>> right? Seeking the beauty in life.
1:36:12>> That's a big one right there.
1:36:13>> Huge.
1:36:14>> Finding some love out there.
1:36:15>> Huge. And that means in real life,
1:36:18>> you know, for the guys who are watching
1:36:19us right now with an
1:36:20>> Love is real. Love is a real thing.
1:36:23>> Oh man. That's my next book is called
1:36:25Falling in Love and Staying in Love.
1:36:27>> The science of falling in love is so
1:36:28heavy.
1:36:29>> Is it?
1:36:29>> It's amazing what happens to your brain.
1:36:32It's completely indescribable. It's like
1:36:34a total miracle. Have you ever been in
1:36:36love?
1:36:36>> Yeah.
1:36:37>> How many times?
1:36:38>> Probably three times.
1:36:40>> Your heart broken any of those times?
1:36:42>> Yeah, my was pretty banged up, but
1:36:45some of it was my own fault. But yeah,
1:36:46dude. When it was good, it was good. I
1:36:48think I was always part of me was afraid
1:36:50to be all the way there.
1:36:51>> Did you Were you always the reason that
1:36:53it broke up that it broke up?
1:36:54>> Probably in some ways or something like
1:36:57I just I don't know. I never had a good
1:37:00um the foundation for of it for me
1:37:02wasn't great, but I think it's I do like
1:37:05Yeah. the moments where you felt like
1:37:07connected, man. It's really nice.
1:37:09>> It's like Fourth of July inside your
1:37:10head.
1:37:11>> And we actually know I mean the
1:37:12chemistry is actually there. We've
1:37:14evolved the chemistry to bond to each
1:37:16other and find your person to find your
1:37:18soulmate. Human beings are made. We call
1:37:20it pair bond mating. It's just a kind of
1:37:22a clinical way to say falling in love
1:37:25with your person
1:37:26>> for the rest of your life. And a goal is
1:37:28the deepest possible friendship. Deepest
1:37:31possible friendship. That's the union of
1:37:33your right hemispheres.
1:37:34>> It is.
1:37:34>> Oh, totally.
1:37:35>> So, that's right hemisphere stuff.
1:37:36That's meaning stuff.
1:37:37>> Totally. My my wife and I, it's like
1:37:39when we're in the zone, when we're
1:37:41really clicking, it's because I mean,
1:37:42she's finishing my sentences.
1:37:44>> Damn.
1:37:44>> And uh and when we're understanding each
1:37:46other at a deep intuitive level, it's
1:37:48not like, yeah, I can I you know, I
1:37:50understand the meaning of those
1:37:51particular words. No, it's just it's
1:37:53this deep intuitive understanding.
1:37:55>> We're right there.
1:37:56>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. has two right
1:37:57hemispheres. Beating is one.
1:37:59>> Dang. [laughter] Oh, it sounds like
1:38:02you're going to get around.
1:38:02>> It doesn't sound like romantic. I know,
1:38:04but you know, but it's but that's really
1:38:05really I mean it's that will lead you to
1:38:08meaning falling in love and letting
1:38:09yourself fall in love. And that's you
1:38:11know it's very hard on apps to do that.
1:38:13>> Oh yeah.
1:38:14>> 62% of couples today meet on the apps.
1:38:18Some are better than others. I've
1:38:19actually done a bunch of work with
1:38:20Bumble. I like those guys because
1:38:21they're trying to add more human
1:38:23friction into the algorithm.
1:38:25>> So it's not just Zip, zip, zip. You
1:38:27know, they're trying to find ways to get
1:38:28people out on real human dates faster,
1:38:31and that's the way it's going to have to
1:38:32be. And once again, we'll solve these
1:38:34problems like that.
1:38:35>> So, you think a lot of it is just kind
1:38:36of a fine-tuning of this errant ways
1:38:38that we've gone?
1:38:39>> Yeah. For Well, I mean, we're not going
1:38:41to throw our phones in the ocean. It's
1:38:43just not going to happen, right?
1:38:44>> I mean, we're not we're that ship has
1:38:46sailed and so we're going to have to
1:38:47figure it out. It's like people said
1:38:49we'll never be happy again because of
1:38:51the telephone. I mean, there was an
1:38:52article early on in the telephone where
1:38:54people like, "People are going to stay
1:38:55in their houses. Somebody's just going
1:38:57to hold a phone up at the church and
1:38:58people are going to listen in their
1:38:59houses. They're not going to see each
1:39:00other anymore. It's the death of
1:39:01civilization." No. No. It's just a tool.
1:39:04What's going to have to happen is we
1:39:06figure out that the internet and
1:39:08especially social media and small
1:39:10screens are nothing more than a tool.
1:39:11They got to go from entertainment to
1:39:13tool. Here's the here's the way to think
1:39:15about it, Theo. If any device or
1:39:18technology is substituting for your
1:39:20in-person relationships, it's going to
1:39:22make you miserable and ruin your life.
1:39:24>> There you go.
1:39:24>> If it's a compliment, if it actually
1:39:26connects you to other people, it's good.
1:39:28It's a tool.
1:39:29>> Okay.
1:39:29>> Use it. You go forth and, you know, be
1:39:32be at peace.
1:39:33>> Yeah. [snorts] So, yeah. I mean, I just
1:39:36Yeah. I mean, Yeah. I mean, there's so
1:39:37many good like like nuggets in this
1:39:39conversation of just ways to evaluate
1:39:41where you're at, to begin to have a
1:39:44little bit more of a relationship with
1:39:45yourself. Yeah. Right. which is so key.
1:39:47>> Yeah.
1:39:48>> Love yourself and others.
1:39:49>> Yeah.
1:39:50>> Don't distract yourself from yourself.
1:39:53Don't lose yourself. Don't simulate
1:39:56yourself.
1:39:58Real life. And and that's by the way
1:40:00when you're not feeling good. That's
1:40:01hard.
1:40:02>> Yeah.
1:40:03>> When you wake up and you're like, "No,
1:40:04no, I don't want me. I want to be with
1:40:06me."
1:40:06>> But sometimes those are the days you got
1:40:08to work through. It's like I know that
1:40:09if I put in the effort right now, then
1:40:12hopefully it'll pay off. You know, that
1:40:13tomorrow will be easier. It's like, you
1:40:15know what I'm saying? some of those
1:40:16things you start to know and it's just
1:40:17the next foot in front of the other.
1:40:18It's like my buddy Mark D says it's just
1:40:20like can I take this next step for
1:40:22myself right now and that is a truth
1:40:25right? Whatever is going on in here,
1:40:27>> if it's not thought,
1:40:29>> then it's like um it's like cuz you ever
1:40:32do you ever notice sometimes in your
1:40:33brain like I've really started to notice
1:40:34sometimes my brain is just rattling and
1:40:36and I'm rarely thinking. I feel like I
1:40:39feel like I'm thinking, but it's not
1:40:40thinking. It's something else. Like
1:40:41>> yeah,
1:40:42>> it's sort of chatter.
1:40:44>> It's not deep in its own way. And what's
1:40:46actually this is the hemispheric
1:40:48lateralization problem. Your right brain
1:40:49is not engaged at all.
1:40:50>> Okay.
1:40:51>> All you're doing is just like kind of
1:40:52information. It's like a ticker tape.
1:40:54It's like the fe It's like the crawl on
1:40:56CNN headline news
1:41:00and it doesn't have any content.
1:41:01>> That's how we feel.
1:41:02>> Yeah. Sure. Absolutely.
1:41:04>> That's where we are. We got to get back
1:41:05into the big picture.
1:41:06>> Oh yeah. You got to be alive. Fully
1:41:08alive. There's this guy in the in the
1:41:09early church. There was a saint in the
1:41:114th century named St. Irenaeus. Great
1:41:13name, right? We got to name boys
1:41:14Irenaeus again.
1:41:15>> And he said the glory of God is a man
1:41:17fully alive.
1:41:19>> Wow.
1:41:19>> That's what he wanted. The glory of God.
1:41:21What does God want? He wants you
1:41:23miserable. He wants you happy. He wants
1:41:25all of you. What he doesn't want is this
1:41:27degraded
1:41:29version of you that's like getting
1:41:31filtered through a screen.
1:41:32>> Yeah.
1:41:33>> Like bring it on and bring it on. And so
1:41:35this is, you know, like this thing early
1:41:37in the morning I'll do this like
1:41:39>> there was this old preacher named Norman
1:41:41Vincent Peele back in the day.
1:41:43>> Norman
1:41:44>> Norman Vincent Peele and he used to have
1:41:45this thing called the power of positive
1:41:47thinking. He was like one of those old
1:41:48Protestant guys, right? And he used to
1:41:51say, "Every day when you wake up," you
1:41:52can actually get these recordings. They
1:41:53all sounded like that back in the day.
1:41:55"Every day when you wake up," he say,
1:41:58"Say the psalm. This is the day that the
1:41:59Lord has made. I will rejoice and be
1:42:01glad in it." Yeah, but there's more to
1:42:03it than that. I say, "Wake up and say,
1:42:06I'm also so grateful for all the trouble
1:42:08I'm going to face this day because I'm
1:42:10going to learn and I'm going to grow and
1:42:12I'm going to feel somebody else's pain
1:42:13and I'm going to get the meaning of my
1:42:15life. Bring it on."
1:42:16>> Amen.
1:42:16>> Bring it on, man.
1:42:17>> How do I be a warrior? How do I start to
1:42:19just how do I have that relationship
1:42:21with myself?
1:42:21>> Yeah. Yeah.
1:42:22>> Yeah. All of it. All of it. All of it. I
1:42:25want it all. I want it all. At the end
1:42:26of the day,
1:42:27>> you want some of it or you want all of
1:42:29it.
1:42:29>> This is Yeah. You here for the Yeah. I
1:42:31want the I I don't want a scoop. I want
1:42:32the Sunday cut.
1:42:34>> Dr. Brooks, you have your uh new book,
1:42:36The Meaning of Your Life. Um Finding
1:42:39Purpose in an Age of Emptiness.
1:42:42And uh thank you, man. Thank you so much
1:42:44for coming and talking about it.
1:42:45>> I love being with you.
1:42:46>> Yeah, I've enjoyed it, too. We'll have
1:42:47to do it again sometime.
1:42:47>> You're uh You have a very very very very
1:42:50special soul.
1:42:51>> Oh, thanks, dude. Yeah. I feel lucky to
1:42:53be alive. Um, most of the time. And when
1:42:56I don't feel that way, I got to find a
1:42:58way to get back to that way, you know.
1:42:59>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you you run
1:43:01super deep. You run super deep. And
1:43:03that's got that's got cost. That's got a
1:43:05cost to it.
1:43:06>> Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm grateful to have
1:43:08days like this where I can talk with
1:43:09somebody and like, you know, I mean, if
1:43:11anything, I feel way better now than I
1:43:13did when I started.
1:43:14>> Yeah, man. Let's do it again.
1:43:15>> What a blessing.
1:43:16>> Yeah. Thank you.
1:43:17>> We'll do it again. Thank you, Dr.
1:43:18Brooks, thank you. Go Doors.
1:43:22>> And I feel I'm falling like these
1:43:25leaves. I must [music] be corner stone.
1:43:31Oh, but when I reach that ground,
1:43:33[music] I'll share this piece of mind I
1:43:36found. I can feel it in my bones.
1:43:41But it's going to take

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