Give me 11 Minutes & I'll Make You Dangerously Confident — Transcript

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1. 0:00When I was growing up, I really didn't
2. 0:01have many friends.
3. 0:03I was a very, very poor kid in a very,
4. 0:05very rich high school.
5. 0:07Which is like the worst. And I was like
6. 0:10an awkward-looking
7. 0:12South Asian kid. How do the loser guy
8. 0:14develop social skills? That's a really
9. 0:16interesting question.
10. 0:20High school kind of mostly sucked. I had
11. 0:22a few friends and I really appreciate
12. 0:24them in hindsight. Didn't ever go out,
13. 0:25never got invited to parties. I was a
14. 0:28loser.
15. 0:30I was a loser growing up. That's okay.
16. 0:32You know, the meek shall inherit the
17. 0:33earth.
18. 0:35Somebody told me and I and I agreed with
19. 0:37this later, you don't want to peak in
20. 0:38high school. You don't want to be
21. 0:40popular in high school.
22. 0:42When you look at the people that made
23. 0:43it, I suspect they were not popular in
24. 0:45high school. [laughter]
25. 0:46So, I'm pretty sure this is accurate.
26. 0:50How do the loser guy develop social
27. 0:52skills? That's a really interesting
28. 0:53question. One was for sure that I got
29. 0:55opportunities.
30. 0:58Early on, I had
31. 1:01bosses that I worked for that really
32. 1:03helped me. I would make presentations.
33. 1:06They would allow me to give these
34. 1:07presentations. So, on a very focused
35. 1:10intimate level of a company, I was able
36. 1:12to get reps, low stake reps, right?
37. 1:14Those were very low stakes. At the time,
38. 1:16they felt like high stakes to me because
39. 1:18I'd never been in those environments.
40. 1:20And it just escalated and escalated. But
41. 1:22there is a moment that everybody faces,
42. 1:24if you keep wanting to get to the next
43. 1:26level, where you just got to take the
44. 1:27leap. And I remember the big leap that I
45. 1:29took.
46. 1:30It was like 2014 or 2015, there's a
47. 1:33very, very
48. 1:35prestigious investor conference called
49. 1:37Ira Sohn and it's run at Lincoln Center
50. 1:39in New York. You show up and if you're
51. 1:41accepted, it's you presenting your best
52. 1:44idea in front of 5,000 people at Lincoln
53. 1:47Center. I convinced them to let me do
54. 1:49it. And you know, I'm a venture investor
55. 1:51at the time, not really trading in
56. 1:54public stocks. And I came in pitched
57. 1:55Tesla. So, I think Tesla at the time was
58. 1:57a $50 billion company and I said, "This
59. 1:59is going to be a
60. 1:59multi-hundred-billion-dollar company and
61. 2:01eventually a trillion-dollar company."
62. 2:03>> And the company we're talking about
63. 2:04today is Tesla.
64. 2:06Today, it's a $50 billion market cap.
65. 2:08And you look at that multiple, what you
66. 2:10see is a business that could be worth
67. 2:12hundreds and a billions of dollars in a
68. 2:16decade.
69. 2:17>> And I think people thought I was
70. 2:19literally one of the dumbest people that
71. 2:20have ever walked on stage at Ira Sohn.
72. 2:23And I was so nervous. I was like, "Man,
73. 2:26what am I signing up for?"
74. 2:28But I owned the moment. Meaning,
75. 2:31I had 20 years of reps and it led to
76. 2:33that moment. 20 years of emails, 20
77. 2:35years of presentations, 20 years of much
78. 2:38smaller stakes moments, and then I just
79. 2:40have to stand up and deliver. And I did
80. 2:42it.
81. 2:43And then on top of that, I was right.
82. 2:45I fashioned Tesla as very being similar
83. 2:48to Apple. And I contrasted and compared
84. 2:50Apple's journey to Tesla's journey.
85. 2:51Tesla had these convertible preferred
86. 2:53bonds, where you basically got downside
87. 2:56protection and all of the upside beyond
88. 2:58a very small premium. It was the trade
89. 3:01of all trades. I mean, just
90. 3:04man. The next year, they asked me back
91. 3:06and I'm like, "Great, I'm going to shock
92. 3:07call it again." And I pointed to the
93. 3:09stands and I'm like, "Amazon's going to
94. 3:11be a multi-trillion-dollar company." And
95. 3:13just
96. 3:14going to slug that one, too. And then I
97. 3:15started to get a little confidence cuz I
98. 3:17was like, "Hold on a second, I can
99. 3:18really communicate these things." Like
100. 3:19and I know what I'm talking about. The
101. 3:21substance of what I'm saying is right.
102. 3:22Yeah, so I had Tesla
103. 3:25and then Amazon
104. 3:27in a very, very public setting. And then
105. 3:29the next year, they were like, "You know
106. 3:31what we're going to do? We're going to
107. 3:32broadcast yours in real time
108. 3:37while you're presenting on CNBC." Now,
109. 3:40in this one, I completely flubbed. And
110. 3:41no offense to my friend Aaron Levie, but
111. 3:43I was like, "I'm going to make an AI
112. 3:45call in 2018."
113. 3:47Again, pick the right I mean, I was just
114. 3:49right there. And why I didn't pick
115. 3:51Nvidia, I don't know. And I picked Box.
116. 3:54Good company, but not Nvidia. But it was
117. 3:56simulcast on TV at the same time. It's
118. 3:59great to look back on it because
119. 4:00this must be what an athlete feels like
120. 4:02where at a moment they're like, I'm in
121. 4:04such a flow state where you just see it
122. 4:06clearly.
123. 4:07And my partners and I just saw it so
124. 4:09clearly. We had a multi-year run that is
125. 4:11just unbelievable. And I've been lucky
126. 4:13where I've been a part of teams that
127. 4:15have found that momentum and feeling
128. 4:17I think now three times in my career.
129. 4:19It's unbelievable. We really flushed it.
130. 4:21That's where I kind of started to
131. 4:22develop real confidence where I'm like,
132. 4:24okay, hold on a second. I can hold my
133. 4:26own here. But I was lucky. I had a lot
134. 4:27of reps. I had lots and lots and lots of
135. 4:30much smaller stakes reps that my my
136. 4:32bosses created for me, that I created
137. 4:33for myself. I didn't beat myself up over
138. 4:35I didn't think overthink it too much.
139. 4:37Went well, good. Went didn't go well,
140. 4:39okay.
141. 4:43There's a part of me that really
142. 4:44believed in myself and there's a part of
143. 4:45me that said,
144. 4:46"You're kind of a schmuck."
145. 4:49And I think when I was younger, the
146. 4:50schmuck part dominated the I can do it.
147. 4:54And then over time now, the I can do it
148. 4:56part of me is much larger than the I'm a
149. 4:58schmuck. But the schmuck part is there.
150. 5:00Everybody has this like Gordian knot,
151. 5:02which is made by some combination of
152. 5:05them, their parents, their upbringing.
153. 5:08And one of my goals is to untie that
154. 5:11knot
155. 5:11>> [music]
156. 5:11>> because that's the knot that holds me
157. 5:13back
158. 5:14in some key moments.
159. 5:16So, if I think about like refining my
160. 5:17game and my skill and getting better and
161. 5:19better, that's probably the thing that's
162. 5:21holding me back the most. That's where I
163. 5:22make mistakes still. Is that Gordian
164. 5:25knot. So, what is it?
165. 5:26It's my sense of self-worth. It's my
166. 5:29sense of security. It's my sense of
167. 5:30thinking that I've actually done
168. 5:32something useful. It's this idea that I
169. 5:33need everybody else's validation.
170. 5:36It's doing too much to seek that
171. 5:38validation.
172. 5:40That's my knot. And I know it cuz I can
173. 5:41I can see it. I can see the facets of
174. 5:43it. And when I'm away from it
175. 5:45in calm moments, I can see how I've made
176. 5:47mistakes. And then I'm like, "Okay, I
177. 5:48can learn from that. And now I can try
178. 5:50to refine that for the next time because
179. 5:51I do want to get better and I want that
180. 5:53error rate just
181. 5:55get smaller and smaller. And then
182. 5:56hopefully maybe the wins get bigger and
183. 5:57bigger. Now, why?
184. 6:00I don't know. It's just a game in the
185. 6:02end. I just want to play the game and I
186. 6:04want to play it well. And yeah, well
187. 6:06then when it's all said and done, it's
188. 6:07like, "Wow, it's good.
189. 6:08I speed ran a lot of stuff. It's cool."
190. 6:12You know, when I was growing up, I
191. 6:13didn't really have a lot of friends nor
192. 6:15did I value friendship. I had a few
193. 6:16friends. I like hanging out with them,
194. 6:18but I just didn't understand what role
195. 6:20they were supposed to play. And part of
196. 6:21that is like, you know, being in Silicon
197. 6:23Valley is kind of a tough place because
198. 6:25everybody is
199. 6:26a friend-enemy in a little way. Like
200. 6:28everybody's like cooperative, but also
201. 6:30competitive.
202. 6:31And part of it is because when you're
203. 6:32young, being in this ecosystem here, it
204. 6:34does feel a little zero-sum. It does
205. 6:36feel like the gains aren't going to be
206. 6:38evenly spread. I have this very distinct
207. 6:40memory where a bunch of my friends
208. 6:41worked at a high-flying telecom startup.
209. 6:44And these are friends that I went to
210. 6:45university with. Great people.
211. 6:48Who I'm still friends with to this day.
212. 6:49And I had to really check myself because
213. 6:51when
214. 6:52this was right before the dot-com
215. 6:53bubble, when their private valuations
216. 6:55were were going crazy, they were all
217. 6:57millionaires and I was still grinding
218. 6:59away, you know, at Winamp and making 80k
219. 7:02a year or whatever, I felt really
220. 7:04envious.
221. 7:06And then I think I was like a little bit
222. 7:07jealous. And I was [music] like, in
223. 7:09hindsight I'll say this, I didn't think
224. 7:11about it then,
225. 7:12how good of a friend was I if I was
226. 7:14feeling those things? I don't know. So,
227. 7:16I didn't understand how to like curate
228. 7:18good friends, have good boundaries. And
229. 7:20that was the same problem all through my
230. 7:2220s, all through my 30s, mostly through
231. 7:24my 40s.
232. 7:25>> [music]
233. 7:25>> And then now I'm
234. 7:27a little bit more circumspect where
235. 7:29I don't really talk about business.
236. 7:31I try to
237. 7:34minimize all of that so that we can
238. 7:35maximize the non-business-related
239. 7:38aspects of our friendship. [music] I
240. 7:40think it's still complicated because we
241. 7:42overlap, we make investments together.
242. 7:45I still think there's a little bit of
243. 7:46competitiveness between me and my
244. 7:47friends.
245. 7:49It's not the healthiest thing in the
246. 7:50world, but it's better than nothing. And
247. 7:51in general, they're wonderful people and
248. 7:53they're very reliable. And I'm I'm able
249. 7:56to have friendships now that I was not
250. 7:57able to have before. And that means
251. 7:59[music] a lot to me.
252. 8:00But my closest friendships, I will say
253. 8:02clearly are the ones where we have the
254. 8:03least overlap and we are the least
255. 8:05competitive with each other. "Quote
256. 8:06unquote, they've made it. Quote unquote,
257. 8:09you know, they're doing things that are
258. 8:10very orthogonal to me." And so, you
259. 8:13know, we just don't compete. They're the
260. 8:14best. I think the maxing approach
261. 8:17to choosing friends is great. You know
262. 8:19whether your friends are not good for
263. 8:20you. Just do a 360 and moonwalk away.
264. 8:22And he's right. He lies right. That's
265. 8:25what you should do. I would rather have
266. 8:27no friends than shitty friends. Because
267. 8:28shitty friends are a retardant in your
268. 8:30life. They just pull you back. It's like
269. 8:32it's like these little hooks that are
270. 8:33holding you down. You don't want them.
271. 8:37If you try to find some like pithy
272. 8:38sentence to guide you in your corporate
273. 8:41journey, you're going to fail. You have
274. 8:42to have situational awareness. There are
275. 8:44times where you should be talking. There
276. 8:46are times where you should just shut the
277. 8:47up. There are times where you
278. 8:49should swear in a meeting. There's times
279. 8:50where you should be kind. There's times
280. 8:51where you should be mean. There's times
281. 8:53where you should say the thing that is a
282. 8:55come along get along thing. But then
283. 8:57there are times where you should
284. 8:58confront and create deep conflict. How
285. 9:01do you know when you should do what? You
286. 9:04don't. You can't go to these stupid
287. 9:06little turns of phrase as a guide. The
288. 9:08only thing you can go to is reps,
289. 9:10pattern recognition, and situational
290. 9:13awareness. That is a lived experience.
291. 9:15And [music] the experience for me and my
292. 9:18judgment is very different than the
293. 9:19experience for somebody else and their
294. 9:21judgment. And so their pattern
295. 9:22recognition will be very different than
296. 9:23mine.
297. 9:24And that's okay. Just don't overthink
298. 9:26it. Don't be in your mind with your
299. 9:28stupid little sentence. "Wait a minute.
300. 9:30I did that two years in the one neck.
301. 9:32So,
302. 9:34let me make sure that I listen more than
303. 9:36I talk.
304. 9:39>> I guess dummy if they Sure. Yes.
305. 9:42Do that. But you're just going to sound
306. 9:44like a goofball.
307. 9:46Don't be a goofball.
308. 9:51You know the thing that I'm the most
309. 9:52proud of physically
310. 9:54is that I have incredible posture. It is
311. 9:56a thing that everybody tells me. They
312. 9:57tell me A
313. 9:59you're a lot taller than you look like
314. 10:00on camera. I'm 6'2". That tilts a lot of
315. 10:03people but anyways. But what they say is
316. 10:05that I have great posture. You know I
317. 10:06have great posture?
318. 10:08Because I don't have the doom scrolling
319. 10:09turkey neck. I just see all these people
320. 10:12it comes together as a as a buy one get
321. 10:14one free. Number one you get
322. 10:16posture and you look like a goofball cuz
323. 10:18you're turkey you're turkey necking like
324. 10:20this
325. 10:21which is horrible. And then as a result
326. 10:22of all the doom scrolling you can't make
327. 10:24eye contact. And so I just think this
328. 10:26like double whammy. And the only reason
329. 10:28I don't I have good posture is honestly
330. 10:30because I don't I'm not doom scrolling
331. 10:32my phone. And then as a byproduct I
332. 10:34don't think I was particularly great at
333. 10:35eye contact before but it's just the
334. 10:37rest of you got so bad that all of a
335. 10:39sudden I just feel like I'm like Michael
336. 10:40Jordan of eye contact. So what is my
337. 10:42point here? My point is delete the apps.
338. 10:46Stop doom scrolling. I think your
339. 10:47posture gets better, you look better,
340. 10:49you'll have more self-confidence and
341. 10:50then you'll make better eye contact and
342. 10:52other people will notice that you don't
343. 10:53have a turkey neck. So I don't know I I
344. 10:55think that if you delete the apps
345. 10:57everything will be solved.