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Getting out of the victim mindset saved my growth — Transcript

by Andriana Nik · 3,922 words · 620 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00What if I [music] told you that the
0:02reason why you're so stuck has very very
0:05little to do with your circumstances and
0:07[music]
0:08almost everything to do with what you
0:12are unwilling to take responsibility
0:15for. I don't [music] think that most
0:18people are actually afraid of change. I
0:20think that they are afraid of taking
0:22responsibility for it. And I know that
0:24because that was literally me [music]
0:26when I spent years asking why is this
0:28happening to me when I should have been
0:30asking [music]
0:31what is this trying to teach me. Hi
0:33guys, I'm Andrea. Welcome back to
0:35[music] my channel. So in today's video
0:37I'm going to speak about the key
0:39ingredient to change [music] that
0:41actually no one ever wants to own up to
0:44and how adopting [music] that can change
0:46every single aspect of your life for the
0:49better and give you exactly what you
0:51want. whether it's in relationships, in
0:53business, in career, [music] in health,
0:55in growth, whatever that is. So without
0:57further ado, let's get into it. So the
1:00moment I stopped seeing myself as the
1:02[music] victim of my life was the moment
1:05that my entire life changed. So what I
1:08realized was that you cannot change
1:11[music] a reality that you refuse to
1:14take responsibility for. And I don't
1:16mean responsibility [music] in the
1:18shamebased everything is my fault kind
1:21of way, but I mean responsibility in the
1:24most empowering sense [music] of the
1:26word. Because the moment that you take
1:29responsibility for something is [music]
1:32also the moment that you gain the power
1:35to change that something, right? But the
1:37moment that you refuse [music] to take
1:39responsibility for it is also the moment
1:41that you hand your power away. And
1:44[music] basically you say to yourself, I
1:46can't fix that. I do not have the power
1:48for [music] that. This was just given to
1:50me. This was just happening to me. Is I
1:53did not bring that to me and this was
1:55just simply happening to me [music] and
1:57I have no power to make it go away. Most
1:59people desperately want change, right?
2:02They want the relationship. They want
2:04the business. They [music] want the
2:05confidence, the friendships, the money,
2:08the body, [music] the peace. But the
2:11thing is that very few people are
2:13willing to ask themselves [music]
2:15that uncomfortable question that change
2:18actually requires from us to ask.
2:20Instead we ask why is this happening to
2:23me? [music]
2:24Why do I always attract emotionally
2:26unavailable people? Why am I always
2:29unlucky? Why does nothing [music] ever
2:31work out for me? Why is everyone getting
2:34what I want but I'm [music] not getting
2:37what I want? And while I get it, these
2:39questions are so understandable when
2:42you're going [music] through it, they
2:43are also incredibly disempowering
2:45because what is hidden inside of them is
2:48that one dangerous assumption [music]
2:50that life is simply happening to you.
2:53That you are a passive participant in
2:56your own reality. [music] That you have
2:58no control, no power, and no ability to
3:01create a change in that unwanted
3:04reality. But what [music] if that's not
3:07true? What if the question isn't why is
3:10this happening to me? [music] But
3:11instead is like what is this trying to
3:14show me? What is this trying to teach
3:15[music] me? What part of me is creating
3:18or even contributing to this experience?
3:21What beliefs, what fears, what behaviors
3:23or what unconscious patterns are keeping
3:26[music] me here? What am I refusing to
3:29look at that is keep happening in my
3:31life and is keep getting recreated in my
3:34life? Because [music] every single time
3:36something in your life isn't changing, I
3:39want you to understand that that is
3:40information [music] that is hiding
3:42underneath it. The problem is that most
3:45people, [music] they stop at the pain.
3:47They never get curious enough to uncover
3:50the lesson, to uncover what is going on
3:52there. They keep [music] looping back in
3:55the pain. And that's where the growth
3:57stops because you are stuck in the
3:59[music] pain cycle, unable to see your
4:02way out of there. And your way out of
4:04there is finding the lesson, is finding
4:07the takeaway [music] from that loop. I
4:09genuinely believe that one of the
4:11biggest reasons [music]
4:12people stay stuck isn't because they
4:15don't want to change or they don't want
4:17change and transformation in [music]
4:18love in their life, but it's because
4:21they unknowingly stay committed to being
4:24victims of their [music] circumstances.
4:26Of course, victimhood is seductive. It's
4:29very feels very safe because it really
4:32protects [music] us from discomfort
4:34because if it's everyone else's fault
4:38then we never have to look within
4:41[music]
4:41then we never have to change then what
4:44we do what we are doesn't influence our
4:48reality. [music] So it's not my fault
4:50they need to change. If it's your ex's
4:53fault you don't have to look at your own
4:55anxious attachment. [music]
4:56If it's the economy's fault, you don't
4:59have to look at your own money beliefs
5:01or your own skills. [music] Or if it's
5:04your childhood's fault, you don't have
5:06to take responsibility for healing it.
5:08If it's bad luck, then you never have to
5:10question whether [music] you're
5:11subconsciously expecting things to go
5:14wrong. Victimhood has one job and that
5:16is to [music] protect the ego. But it
5:18also its price is that it keeps you
5:21powerless. And what I realized that the
5:24moment [music] that you decide that
5:25everything is happening in your life has
5:28something to teach you, you immediately
5:31take [music] whatever is happening to
5:32you and you make that a lesson.
5:34Therefore, this immediately becomes
5:36[music] empowering for you because
5:38suddenly there's always something that
5:40you can do. There's always something
5:42that you can [music] learn. There's
5:44always something that you can change.
5:46And that mentality that there's
5:48something that [music] I can do about it
5:49is what changes everything is what
5:52allows you to open up to the
5:54possibilities of [music] a thing being
5:56different and you being able to do
5:58something about it. One of the biggest
6:00mindset shifts that I had was [music]
6:01realizing that my reality isn't random,
6:04but it's a reflection. So my
6:06relationships [music]
6:08reflect my beliefs about love. My
6:10behaviors reflect [music] my
6:12subconscious programming. My results
6:15reflect my habits and my decisions. And
6:18[music] my standards reflect my
6:20self-worth. And my circumstances reflect
6:24thousands of tiny [music] choices,
6:26thousands of thoughts and thousands of
6:28beliefs that are accumulated over time.
6:31And if my reality is in a [music]
6:33reflection, then changing that
6:35reflection requires changing what
6:38[music] is creating it. Not blaming the
6:40mirror because that's what most people
6:41do. They stand in front of the mirror
6:43and they try to [music] change their
6:44reflection instead of trying to change
6:47themselves instead of trying to change
6:49the thing that is creating the
6:51reflection. [music]
6:52They want different results while they
6:55are remaining the [music] exact same
6:57person. But life does not work that way.
7:00If you want different [music] results,
7:02you have to become someone who naturally
7:06creates different results. You have to
7:08become someone who creates the results
7:10that [music] you want to create. And
7:12that starts with awareness. Awareness
7:15[music] is always step one. And that is
7:17because you cannot heal, you cannot
7:20change, [music] you cannot improve
7:21something that you're not aware of. So
7:23as soon as you put light into something,
7:25you see it. There's nowhere to go and
7:27escape [music] it. So most people jump
7:30straight into affirmations or
7:32manifestation techniques without first
7:34asking themselves what beliefs are
7:36[music] currently running my life. What
7:38are the subconscious fears that are
7:40influencing as a result my decisions?
7:43What are the emotional wounds that are
7:45[music] keeping me stuck? What behaviors
7:48are reinforcing my current reality?
7:51Because whether you realize it or not,
7:53your subconscious mind [music] is
7:55constantly materializing what it
7:57believes that is safest and most
8:00familiar. That's why we in love, we
8:02attract people [music]
8:03that are familiar to our family, even
8:07though that's not what we really want.
8:09You do not manifest what you consciously
8:12want. You always manifest what you
8:14subconsciously [music]
8:15expect, what you subconsciously
8:17tolerate, and what you repeatedly
8:20reinforce. [music]
8:21So that makes us realize that if your
8:23reality isn't matching your desires,
8:25there is almost always [music] a gap
8:28between what you are consciously saying
8:30you want and what [music] you
8:32subconsciously believe is possible or
8:34safe for you. So there is a gap between
8:37what you consciously saying that [music]
8:39you want and what you subconsciously
8:41believe that is possible or safe for
8:43you. And that's why radical
8:45accountability [music] matters so much
8:48because it forces you to stop blaming
8:52your reality and [music] instead it
8:54makes you want to start understanding
8:56it. So what does change actually look
8:58like? For me it looks like five stages.
9:01Stage one is [music] awareness. become
9:04radically honest with yourself. That
9:06[music] means that you need to ask
9:08yourself where in my life do I feel
9:10stuck? What patterns keep repeating
9:13themselves? What results am I
9:15continuously [music]
9:16creating again and again? What are the
9:18stories that I keep telling myself about
9:21why [music] this is not possible for me?
9:23Asking these questions is going to allow
9:25you to get in that awareness. And now
9:27awareness [music]
9:27without any judgment is going to allow
9:30you to start [music] healing. Because
9:33when you become aware of something and
9:35you instantly judge it, then criticize
9:37it. It's like you do [music] not accept
9:38it and then like if you do not accept
9:40it, you cannot go and change it. It's
9:43like you [music] are pushing it away.
9:45Stage two is radical accountability.
9:47This is the point of this video. Radical
9:49[music] accountability is so huge
9:51because so many people's growth [music]
9:54journey stops here. And the reason why
9:56they stop is because they become aware
9:59of it. Become aware [music] of their
10:01patterns, their stories, their beliefs.
10:03But awareness is the [music] easy part.
10:06The accountability part of for those
10:08things is very very uncomfortable.
10:10[music] So instead of you asking your
10:13usual questions of why me, why is this
10:16happening, why are they doing this to
10:18me, this [music] stage requires you to
10:20ask what is my role in this? What is
10:24[music] my part in this? What am I
10:26currently believing that is [music]
10:29creating this? What am I currently
10:31behaving as that are reinforcing this
10:33outcome? What am I avoiding taking
10:36responsibility [music] for? And where
10:38have I been giving my power away? And
10:41[music] this is really not about putting
10:44the blame on yourself, taking
10:46responsibility in a shameful way, but
10:48this is [music] really empowering
10:50yourself. Because if you understand that
10:53wo I helped create this this [music]
10:56instantly gives you the solution that
10:58and the understanding that you can
11:00[music] help change it. If you had the
11:02power to create it you have the power to
11:04[music] do something different to create
11:06something different. Stage three is to
11:09>> [music]
11:09>> identify the knowledge gap. So sometimes
11:12the reason you are stuck isn't because
11:16of the trauma, but [music] it's simply
11:18that you don't know what you don't know.
11:21You don't know what you can [music] do
11:23better. You don't know what is wrong
11:25with you. You you don't know what you're
11:27doing wrong. [music] So you keep acting
11:29from what you know to do. That makes us
11:31understand that you cannot [music]
11:32expect yourself to achieve results that
11:35require skills or [music] knowledge that
11:37you haven't yet developed. That means
11:39that if that knowledge and skill [music]
11:41gap is there that you for some reason
11:44has not been developed is your
11:46responsibility [music] to fill it. So
11:48it's finding out what is exactly
11:50missing. Maybe you need to learn about
11:53emotional regulation. [music]
11:54Maybe you need to learn about more
11:56secure attachment. How they act, how
11:58they behave, what do do they think?
12:01[music] Maybe you need to learn more
12:02about communication skills, money
12:04management, nervous [music] system
12:06regulation. Maybe you need to learn
12:08about business skills or boundaries or
12:11healthy relationship dynamics. Whatever
12:13[music] is that you desire, you're most
12:15likely having a knowledge gap of how a
12:18person that has achieved that behaves,
12:21thinks, [music]
12:22and acts like. And this is a very
12:24important part and [music] very
12:26important stage because healing isn't
12:29always emotional. Sometimes it's
12:32educational. is not always an emotional
12:34[music] gap and a trauma wound but
12:37sometimes is lack of knowledge of what
12:40to do better, what to do differently
12:43[music] is stage 4 is to rewire your
12:45subconscious mind. You can know exactly
12:48what [music] to do and still feel
12:50incapable of doing it like you know you
12:53see yourself like what do you need to do
12:55you understand but [music] you see
12:57yourself self-sabotaging
12:59yourself from doing that. That is
13:01because knowledge [music]
13:03doesn't automatically translate into
13:05belief. Doesn't automatically translate
13:08into action. [music] So your
13:10subconscious mind has to believe that
13:13the result is safe [music] that the
13:16result is possible and that is available
13:18for you. If your subconscious mind sees
13:21that, [music] oh this is what I need to
13:23do. I have the knowledge but I don't
13:26think if I do it is going to be any
13:28different from what is now or I don't
13:30feel [music] like it's safe to do that
13:32then you will not do it because you
13:34haven't convinced your subconscious mind
13:36that is for [music] your best interest.
13:38This is where practices like
13:40visualization affirmations [music]
13:43identity work nervous system regulation
13:46subconscious programming or [music]
13:48different embodiment practices or even
13:51emotional processing. they can become so
13:54incredibly [music] powerful and that is
13:56because if your subconscious identity is
13:59all about [music] I'm unworthy, I'm
14:01unlucky, love is not safe, success is
14:03not available for me, [music] then
14:05obviously your mind will continuously
14:08put you back towards familiar outcomes.
14:11[music] It's going to self-sabotage and
14:13keep you stuck to where you feel normal
14:16and familiar [music] around. Your
14:18subconscious mind will always prioritize
14:21familiarity over desire. [music] Even if
14:23you desire the most healthy loving
14:25relationship, if you do not feel that
14:27this is normal, familiar and available
14:30for you, safe for you, your subconscious
14:33mind won't let you have it or [music]
14:35attract it. And stage five is
14:37application. And this is the part that a
14:39lot of people don't want to hear about.
14:40[music] Nothing changes if nothing
14:43changes. You can spend 10 [music] years
14:45journaling. You can visualize every
14:48morning. You can repeat affirmations
14:50every single night. But [music] if your
14:52behaviors don't change, neither will
14:55your life. So your subconscious mind is
14:58rewired through repetition [music] and
15:01also through evidence. And you can
15:03create evidence by taking action. When
15:06you [music] create take a different
15:08action, you immediately give yourself
15:10evidence of a different of you doing
15:13something different that you're used to.
15:15[music] and you're getting an instant
15:16feedback of getting some a result that
15:19is also different from [music] what
15:20you're used to. That includes having
15:22difficult conversations, setting
15:25boundaries, going on dates, [music]
15:27starting that business, applying for
15:30that opportunity, being vulnerable,
15:33showing up consistently, [music] and
15:35doing the uncomfortable thing
15:37repeatedly. Action really creates
15:39[music] evidence and as a result
15:42evidence is going to create new [music]
15:44beliefs and that new belief is going to
15:47create a new identity and that new
15:49identity is [music] what is going to
15:51create a new reality. So these are some
15:53mindset shifts that completely change
15:55the way that I see [music] and I
15:57approach personal growth. First one is
16:00that I stopped [music] asking why is
16:03this happening to me? Instead, I always
16:07start asking what is this here to teach
16:10me? [music] What is this reflecting back
16:11to me? And what part of me needs
16:14attention [music]
16:15right now? I can tell you for sure that
16:17life becomes infinitely more empowering,
16:20[music]
16:21when you become curious instead of
16:23catastrophic. When you are
16:25catastrophizing something, you become
16:28very narrowminded. You're [music] like,
16:30"No, this is the end of the world. This
16:32is this. This is what going to happen.
16:34this is what [music] is going to happen
16:34and you see limitations, fears and the
16:38worst possible outcomes. [music] But
16:39when you open up to the possibility that
16:42this is here for a good reason, this is
16:44here to teach me something, it [music]
16:46opens you up to the possibilities of
16:48this being here for a [music]
16:50improvement of your life instead of
16:53ruining your life. Point two is that
16:55[music] you need to understand that your
16:57circumstances are not your identity. So
17:01something that is happening to [music]
17:02you does not define who you are. So
17:06failing doesn't make you a failure.
17:08Being [music] rejected doesn't make you
17:10unlovable. Being single doesn't make you
17:13unwanted. Your circumstances are simply
17:16current information about your current
17:18beliefs, [music]
17:19current fears, current behaviors. They
17:22are really not an identity. They're not
17:25who you are and they do not [music]
17:26define your worth and also they do not
17:30define your future. The third point is
17:32that you need to stop outsourcing your
17:34power. So most people [music] spend
17:37their entire lives waiting for different
17:40parents, different timing, different
17:42opportunities, [music]
17:43different people, different
17:45circumstances. Meanwhile, the one thing
17:48that [music] they're refusing to change
17:50is themselves. They want their whole
17:52reality to change, their whole
17:54environment to change [music] and adapt
17:56for them, but they do not want to change
17:58and move an inch. So the greatest power
18:01you have is [music] realizing that
18:03you're always the common denominator in
18:06your own life. If you [music] take the
18:08patterns of your life, you're going to
18:10notice that it's not the people that are
18:13always necessarily the same and [music]
18:14the circumstances. You're going to
18:16notice if you notice a pattern of the
18:18same people, the same circumstances,
18:20there's one common denominator that
18:22keeps [music] attracting them and that
18:23is you. And that makes us want to ask
18:26why. The [music] fourth point is to take
18:28radical responsibility without taking
18:31radical blame. And this is really
18:33important. I want you to be able to
18:35separate [music] radical accountability
18:37from radical self-lame because you need
18:41to be able to see that radical
18:43accountability is not self [music]
18:45punishment is not to make you
18:47self-conscious and to like feel guilty
18:50and shameful about yourself. It is there
18:52to give you [music] self leadership.
18:54It's saying to yourself that I may not
18:57have caused everything that happened to
18:59me that everything that [music]
19:00I've experienced, but I am responsible
19:04for what I [music] choose to do with it.
19:06And the truth is that means you as a
19:09result, you're responsible for your
19:11healing. You're responsible for your
19:13life. You're responsible for the way
19:15that [music] you deal with things and
19:18you respond to things. And no one else
19:20can do that work for you. Point five is
19:22to stop making your subconscious [music]
19:25mind the enemy. We realize that your
19:28subconscious mind has so much power. And
19:30when people realize that, they started
19:32to think that the subconscious mind is
19:36the reason [music] why you
19:37self-sabotage. This the reason why you
19:40are suffering and [music] you're doing
19:41things that you do not want to do. And
19:43that makes us villainize the
19:44subconscious mind. When we understand
19:46though that [music] sub subconscious
19:48mind is not there to try to sabotage you
19:50and ruin your life, it's [music] trying
19:52to protect you instead. So this makes us
19:55realize that if you're stuck, you can
19:57ask yourself, what is [music] this part
19:59of me trying to protect me from? When
20:02you heal that, you [music] stop your
20:04subconscious mind from acting in that
20:06way. Because behind every limiting
20:08belief [music] is usually a protective
20:10mechanism that once helped you [music]
20:13survive, that once ensured your safety.
20:16Your job is not to fight that [music]
20:17and to fight yourself, but is to
20:19understand yourself and to understand
20:21why you believe that belief. Is that
20:23true? And is it serving you? [music] How
20:26can you change that? And point six is
20:29that growth begins the moment that your
20:31excuses end. And I know that this one is
20:34a very uncomfortable [music]
20:36just like this whole video. It's
20:38something that you really don't want to
20:39hear and [music] it's not comfortable
20:40for your ear. But the truth is that your
20:43future doesn't care about your excuses.
20:46Your future only responds to [music] who
20:48you become, to who you identify as. You
20:52don't become confident by waiting to
20:55feel [music] confident. You become
20:57confident by consistently behaving like
20:59someone [music] who trusts themselves.
21:02You don't become secure by waiting
21:04[music] to feel secure. You become
21:07secure by repeatedly choosing [music]
21:09secure behaviors. By repeatedly seeing
21:12yourself as someone who [music] is
21:14secure, identifying as that someone, and
21:16therefore behaving as that someone.
21:18Ironically, radical accountability is
21:21one of the most compassionate [music]
21:23things that you can ever do for
21:26yourself. Because even though victimhood
21:28[music] might feel safer in the moment,
21:30it it keeps you protected from the big
21:33bad accountability, the big [music] bad
21:36like fear of taking responsibility and
21:39the burden of that. But it quietly
21:41convinces you that your life is outside
21:44[music]
21:44of your control. It's not in your power.
21:47But instead, radical [music]
21:49accountability will remind you that your
21:51power has been with [music] you all
21:53along. And the goal as I said is not to
21:56blame yourself for everything that has
21:58happened in your life. Obviously not.
22:01[music] But the goal is to stop giving
22:03everything and everyone else more power
22:07over your life than you have given
22:09yourself. [music] Giving circumstances,
22:11environment, people, friends, family
22:13more power over your life than you
22:15[music] allow to give to yourself. You
22:17say that oh these people decided for me.
22:20That means that you see yourself as
22:23someone unable instantly [music]
22:25to decide for yourself. You need to
22:27remember this that awareness creates
22:30clarity. Radical accountability is what
22:33is going to [music] create power.
22:35Getting more knowledge is what is going
22:36to create more possibilities. When you
22:39subconsciously [music]
22:41require is going to create the beliefs
22:44and the action is what is going to
22:46create the evidence. And as a result,
22:48the evidence is [music] going to create
22:50new results. Your life changes the
22:54moment that you stop asking why is this
22:56happening to me. [music] And you start
22:58asking who do I need to become to create
23:01something [music] different, to
23:03experience something different, to live
23:05differently. The change is not going to
23:07come. It is not going to begin when
23:09[music] your circumstances are going to
23:11change. You cannot wait for reality to
23:13change. for [music] the change to come.
23:15You need to create that change inside of
23:18you. That change begins when you begin
23:21to change. All right, so that's it for
23:23today, guys. Thank [music] you so much
23:25for watching and thank you so much for
23:27being here. If you have any questions of
23:29if [music] you want to work with me, you
23:31can always reach um reach out for me on
23:34my Instagram and even on the link
23:37[music] below. So yeah, thank you for
23:39watching and I will see you on the next
23:41one.
23:43>> [music]

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