Getting it right; why pronouncing names correctly matters | Gerardo Ochoa | TEDxMcMinnville — Transcript

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1. 0:05I'd like to start by having us go back
2. 0:07in time a little bit.
3. 0:09Let's go back to when we were all in
4. 0:12fifth grade.
5. 0:13Think of your fifth grade teacher
6. 0:16and think of that fifth grade classroom.
7. 0:18We are all with the in that fifth grade
8. 0:20classroom.
9. 0:23I was just 9 years old at the time when
10. 0:26I was in fifth grade and my family had
11. 0:27just immigrated from Mexico to a small
12. 0:29town on east of Portland, Oregon.
13. 0:32And making that change was not easy. In
14. 0:35fact, it was difficult.
15. 0:37People ate different foods.
16. 0:39People wore different clothes. People
17. 0:41spoke a different language.
18. 0:44And I quickly realized that when you
19. 0:45yourself are different, it's very easy
20. 0:48for everyone around you who tell you who
21. 0:49you should be.
22. 0:52And that's when my name was changed.
23. 0:55I remember precisely it was during that
24. 0:56fifth grade roll call.
25. 0:59The teacher started with
26. 1:01John and John answered in his squeaky
27. 1:049-year-old voice, "Here."
28. 1:08And then she went on the list, Kimberly.
29. 1:11Similarly, she said, "Here."
30. 1:14And then she got to
31. 1:16Sarah and Sarah said, "Here."
32. 1:20And halfway down the list she got to my
33. 1:21name.
34. 1:24And she said, "Her
35. 1:26Her
36. 1:28Ge
37. 1:30Ger
38. 1:32Jerry."
39. 1:35She settled on Jerry.
40. 1:38How do you go from Gerardo
41. 1:40to Jerry?
42. 1:42And just like that, without realizing
43. 1:44it, she not only changed my name
44. 1:46but the rest of my life.
45. 1:49I was just 9 years old at the time. I
46. 1:51was still learning to speak English.
47. 1:53My parents had taught me to respect my
48. 1:54teachers, respect my parents, respect my
49. 1:56elders. So, I didn't question it.
50. 1:59You see, what I wanted to do was fit in.
51. 2:02But, fitting in came with a price.
52. 2:06My name was first changed in the
53. 2:07classroom.
54. 2:09And then it was changed in the entire
55. 2:11school.
56. 2:12And then in the entire community.
57. 2:15And before long,
58. 2:17few people actually knew my real name.
59. 2:20It had become an out of control wildfire
60. 2:22that had spread too far, and I needed to
61. 2:24reign it in.
62. 2:26I accepted my new name, but as time
63. 2:28passed, I knew it was not me.
64. 2:31I felt ashamed.
65. 2:34I felt dirty. I felt like a fraud.
66. 2:39But, now I realize that I was just 9
67. 2:40years old.
68. 2:43I was still learning English.
69. 2:46I was literally powerless in this
70. 2:48classroom.
71. 2:50But, it was everywhere.
72. 2:52Literally, it was in the school
73. 2:54yearbook,
74. 2:55my school ID,
75. 2:56the local newspaper.
76. 2:58They even misspelled my fake name.
77. 3:05Now, don't get me wrong. The name Jerry,
78. 3:07I actually like.
79. 3:09The only problem I have
80. 3:11is that it was not my name.
81. 3:16But, I needed a fresh start. It had
82. 3:17become a bad dream that just wouldn't
83. 3:19end.
84. 3:20And I needed to wake up and reclaim my
85. 3:23name.
86. 3:25You and I know this that names are
87. 3:26important, and it matters that we
88. 3:28pronounce people's names correctly.
89. 3:31As our communities become more
90. 3:33diversified and globalized, the
91. 3:35likelihood that we will meet someone
92. 3:38whose name we can't pronounce is going
93. 3:39to increase.
94. 3:41But, what can we do to ensure that
95. 3:43people feel valued, honored, and
96. 3:45respected with something so simple, yet
97. 3:47often so difficult as pronouncing
98. 3:50someone's name?
99. 3:52I spent a lot of time thinking about
100. 3:53this.
101. 3:54I've researched it, I've reflected on
102. 3:56it,
103. 3:58and I've come to realize that I've now
104. 4:00experienced thousands of different
105. 4:02variations of my name.
106. 4:04I've met students, teachers, employers,
107. 4:07strangers who become friends, strangers
108. 4:10who remain strangers.
109. 4:14And there's a lot a lot that I've
110. 4:15learned over the years.
111. 4:17But educator and podcaster Jennifer
112. 4:19Gonzalez does a fantastic job of taking
113. 4:21those thousands
114. 4:23and narrowing it down into three
115. 4:25categories that I'd like to go over with
116. 4:27you today.
117. 4:28They are the fumble mumbler,
118. 4:34the arrogant mangler,
119. 4:37and the calibrator.
120. 4:39You've likely met them all and I'd be
121. 4:41willing to bet that you are one of them.
122. 4:44Let's talk first about the fumble
123. 4:46mumbler.
124. 4:48When I meet the fumble mumbler and I
125. 4:49introduce myself as Gerardo,
126. 4:52they'll get nervous.
127. 4:55They'll attempt to say my name and they
128. 4:56may struggle a little bit.
129. 4:59They'll giggle nervously and they'll
130. 5:01usually settle on some kind of a close
131. 5:02approximation, usually something like,
132. 5:05"Oh, it's Gerardo."
133. 5:07Close,
134. 5:08but not quite.
135. 5:10I really don't mind the fumble mumblers
136. 5:12because I know they're trying
137. 5:14and they realize that the problem is
138. 5:17their mispronunciation
139. 5:18and not my name.
140. 5:23But let's talk about the arrogant
141. 5:25manglers.
142. 5:26When I meet the arrogant manglers, I'll
143. 5:28know right away what kind of
144. 5:29relationship we're going to have.
145. 5:32And it's usually not a good one.
146. 5:35I'll introduce myself as Gerardo and the
147. 5:38arrogant mangler will respond, "Haraldo,
148. 5:40great to meet you. Blah blah blah blah
149. 5:42blah." and they'll go on completely
150. 5:43oblivious to the fact that they just
151. 5:46mispronounced my name.
152. 5:49And more often than not, they'll
153. 5:51continue with their own version of my
154. 5:52name even after I already corrected
155. 5:54them.
156. 5:56In all honesty, I have very little
157. 5:58patience for the arrogant mangler
158. 6:01because to me it shows great disrespect.
159. 6:04They either have a blind spot or they
160. 6:07simply don't care to try.
161. 6:10Some would even argue that the arrogant
162. 6:12mangler is engaging in a
163. 6:13microaggression.
164. 6:15A small act of aggression based on
165. 6:17someone's identity.
166. 6:18In this case,
167. 6:20my name.
168. 6:21And when those microaggressions happen
169. 6:23repeatedly over and over and over, they
170. 6:27add up and at the end of the day it
171. 6:29really, really hurts.
172. 6:33But then there's the calibrators. These
173. 6:35are my favorite group of people.
174. 6:37The calibrator will listen to my name.
175. 6:40They'll slow down.
176. 6:42They'll read my lips. They'll attempt to
177. 6:44say it. They may get it wrong, but
178. 6:46they'll try again.
179. 6:49And they try and try until they finally
180. 6:50get it. Sometimes they even come back
181. 6:51the next day to ensure they still got
182. 6:53it.
183. 6:55Friends,
184. 6:57if you forget everything about my talk
185. 6:59today, remember this.
186. 7:01In life,
187. 7:02always be a calibrator.
188. 7:07But I'd like to add one more to the
189. 7:08list.
190. 7:10The evader.
191. 7:13These are the people who who would
192. 7:15rather call me something different
193. 7:18than actually call me by my name or look
194. 7:21silly trying.
195. 7:24You'll recognize them because they'll
196. 7:25sound something like,
197. 7:27"Hi,
198. 7:29do you have a nickname?"
199. 7:31Or they'll say something like, "Oh God,
200. 7:33why even try? I'll never be able to
201. 7:34pronounce that."
202. 7:36And it's that that makes me feel like
203. 7:38another, like I don't belong.
204. 7:43Or they'll say something like, "Can I
205. 7:44just call you G?"
206. 7:47Or in the case of my fifth grade
207. 7:48teacher,
208. 7:49Jerry.
209. 7:53So, why is pronouncing someone's name so
210. 7:54important?
211. 7:56Beyond the fact that it's the right
212. 7:57thing to do to ensure people feel
213. 7:59valued, honored, and respected,
214. 8:02mispronouncing someone's name leads to
215. 8:04invisibility,
216. 8:05and it can also have financial
217. 8:06implications.
218. 8:08You've likely heard the case of Carmen
219. 8:10Fariña,
220. 8:11former chancellor of New York City
221. 8:12schools who was marked absent for 6
222. 8:15weeks
223. 8:16when she was in kindergarten because she
224. 8:18never heard her name called.
225. 8:21Her name was being called, but it was
226. 8:24being Anglicized and mispronounced.
227. 8:27She argues that mispronouncing someone's
228. 8:29name leads to invisibility,
229. 8:31and we know that when a student feels
230. 8:33invisible in the classroom, they're less
231. 8:34likely to have academic success.
232. 8:37At every level of education, in every
233. 8:40work environment, in every community,
234. 8:43in every neighborhood, it continues to
235. 8:45be important to pronounce people's names
236. 8:48correctly every single time.
237. 8:52Take uh Stephen Curry for example.
238. 8:54In 2013,
239. 8:56he switched sneaker companies from Nike
240. 8:58to Under Armour. Now, why would a
241. 9:00championship athlete want to leave Nike?
242. 9:04Everybody wants to be Nike. I want to be
243. 9:06Nike. I'm not even an athlete.
244. 9:10According to an ESPN article
245. 9:13quoting his father,
246. 9:14during the pitch, Nike official referred
247. 9:16to Stephen as Steph-on.
248. 9:19A mistake that cost Nike a lot of money.
249. 9:22In fact, it earned Under Armour 14
250. 9:25billion dollars.
251. 9:27Billion with a B.
252. 9:29Big mistake.
253. 9:32Now, every time I share my story,
254. 9:35I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not
255. 9:37alone.
256. 9:38But I'm also disturbed by the fact that
257. 9:40most people who connect with it are
258. 9:42immigrants and people of color.
259. 9:45And I continue to ask myself, why?
260. 9:49Recently,
261. 9:51Nancy, my wife, shared her thoughts with
262. 9:53me in a way that made a lot of sense.
263. 9:55She said,
264. 9:56"It's kind of like driving.
265. 9:59When people have been privileged their
266. 10:00entire life to drive an automatic,
267. 10:04when they meet you for the first time,
268. 10:07you are asking them to learn how to
269. 10:08drive a stick shift
270. 10:10quickly on the spot.
271. 10:12Some people can do it.
272. 10:15Others are willing to try.
273. 10:17And some simply refuse.
274. 10:19But try and try we must. I leave you
275. 10:23with three simple tips that have helped
276. 10:24me when I can't pronounce someone's name
277. 10:26and have also helped me to feel valued,
278. 10:28honored, and respected for who I am.
279. 10:31Number one, humble yourself.
280. 10:34The first step to pronouncing someone's
281. 10:36name is to acknowledge in your own mind
282. 10:38that you can't pronounce it. It's okay
283. 10:41that the other person sees you
284. 10:42struggling. It's okay that you ask for
285. 10:44help. More often than not, they're
286. 10:46willing to help you. When I see someone
287. 10:48struggling to say my name
288. 10:50and they finally achieve success, their
289. 10:53success is my success. We both win.
290. 10:57Number two,
291. 10:59get in my business.
292. 11:02When you see somebody mispronouncing
293. 11:04another person's name, be an active
294. 11:07bystander. Be proactive. Take initiative
295. 11:09to correct them. Teach them. This has
296. 11:11only happened one time in my entire life
297. 11:15and I'll never forget it. This one time,
298. 11:17a friend who was correcting somebody
299. 11:19else say my name,
300. 11:21it took the burden off of me
301. 11:23and I really appreciated them for it.
302. 11:26Deep down, it made my heart smile.
303. 11:30Number three,
304. 11:31do something. But whatever you do, don't
305. 11:33be arrogant. You may be the first person
306. 11:36who ever takes time to pronounce
307. 11:38someone's name correctly.
308. 11:40And it's important that you try. And
309. 11:42whatever you do, do not try to change
310. 11:45someone else's names. That is a personal
311. 11:47decision that should be left up to each
312. 11:49individual.
313. 11:53Given that we're on a college campus, I
314. 11:55would I would be remiss if I didn't
315. 11:57share that my favorite time of the year
316. 12:00is commencement.
317. 12:01The reading of the names.
318. 12:05I'm fortunate to work with colleagues
319. 12:07who practice
320. 12:08and take great care to ensure that
321. 12:10students' names are pronounced
322. 12:12correctly. And it's not lost on me
323. 12:15that
324. 12:16people spend a lot of time and sacrifice
325. 12:18a lot, particularly immigrants who leave
326. 12:20entire lives behind to witness this
327. 12:23moment.
328. 12:24And when that student goes on stage and
329. 12:26gets ready to receive that diploma,
330. 12:30which sac- which symbolizes sacrifices,
331. 12:32hard work, and sleepless nights, they
332. 12:35should be able to hear their name
333. 12:37pronounced correctly.
334. 12:39But, let's face it.
335. 12:41Not all of us can pronounce everyone's
336. 12:42names. We're going to make mistakes.
337. 12:44We're not perfect. In my opinion, from
338. 12:47personal experience, it's not the
339. 12:48mistake that matters. It's what we do
340. 12:50after we make the mistake that's really
341. 12:51important. It either makes us feel like
342. 12:53we belong or like we're the other.
343. 12:57Friends,
344. 12:58my name is not Harold.
345. 13:01My name is not Jerry. My name is not
346. 13:03Gerald.
347. 13:04Mi nombre es Gerardo.
348. 13:11Thank you.