Get comfortable with being uncomfortable | Luvvie Ajayi Jones | TED — Transcript

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1. 0:12I'm a professional troublemaker.
2. 0:14(Laughter)
3. 0:16As my job is to critique the world,
4. 0:22the shoddy systems and the people who refuse to do better,
5. 0:25as a writer, as a speaker, as a shady Nigerian --
6. 0:29(Laughter)
7. 0:30I feel like my purpose is to be this cat.
8. 0:34(Laughter)
9. 0:36I am the person who is looking at other people,
10. 0:39like, "I need you to fix it."
11. 0:41That is me.
12. 0:42I want us to leave this world better than we found it.
13. 0:47And how I choose to effect change
14. 0:50is by speaking up,
15. 0:51by being the first and by being the domino.
16. 0:55For a line of dominoes to fall,
17. 0:57one has to fall first,
18. 0:59which then leaves the other choiceless to do the same.
19. 1:03And that domino that falls,
20. 1:04we're hoping that, OK,
21. 1:07the next person that sees this is inspired to be a domino.
22. 1:12Being the domino, for me, looks like speaking up
23. 1:15and doing the things that are really difficult,
24. 1:17especially when they are needed,
25. 1:19with the hope that others will follow suit.
26. 1:23And here's the thing: I'm the person who says
27. 1:25what you might be thinking but dared not to say.
28. 1:29A lot of times people think that we're fearless,
29. 1:31the people who do this, we're fearless.
30. 1:33We're not fearless.
31. 1:35We're not unafraid of the consequences
32. 1:37or the sacrifices that we have to make
33. 1:39by speaking truth to power.
34. 1:41What happens is, we feel like we have to,
35. 1:44because there are too few people in the world
36. 1:46willing to be the domino,
37. 1:48too few people willing to take that fall.
38. 1:50We're not doing it without fear.
39. 1:52Now, let's talk about fear.
40. 1:54I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up.
41. 1:56I was like, "I'm going to be a doctor!"
42. 1:58Doctor Luvvie was the dream.
43. 2:00I was Doc McStuffins before it was a thing.
44. 2:03(Laughter)
45. 2:04And I remember when I went to college,
46. 2:06my freshman year, I had to take Chemistry 101
47. 2:10for my premed major.
48. 2:13I got the first and last D of my academic career.
49. 2:16(Laughter)
50. 2:17So I went to my advisor, and I was like,
51. 2:20"OK, let's drop the premed,
52. 2:22because this doctor thing is not going to work,
53. 2:25because I don't even like hospitals.
54. 2:26So ..."
55. 2:27(Laughter)
56. 2:29"Let's just consider that done for."
57. 2:31And that same semester, I started blogging.
58. 2:34That was 2003.
59. 2:35So as that one dream was ending, another was beginning.
60. 2:38And then what was a cute hobby became my full-time job
61. 2:42when I lost my marketing job in 2010.
62. 2:45But it still took me two more years to say, "I'm a writer."
63. 2:48Nine years after I had started writing, before I said, "I'm a writer,"
64. 2:53because I was afraid of what happens
65. 2:56without 401ks,
66. 2:58without, "How am I going to keep up my shoe habit?
67. 3:01That's important to me."
68. 3:02(Laughter)
69. 3:03So it took me that long to own this thing
70. 3:06that was what my purpose was.
71. 3:08And then I realized,
72. 3:09fear has a very concrete power
73. 3:11of keeping us from doing and saying the things that are our purpose.
74. 3:16And I was like, "You know what?
75. 3:18I'm not going to let fear rule my life.
76. 3:21I'm not going to let fear dictate what I do."
77. 3:24And then all of these awesome things started happening,
78. 3:27and dominoes started to fall.
79. 3:29So when I realized that, I was like, "OK, 2015,
80. 3:32I turned 30,
81. 3:33it's going to be my year of 'Do it anyway.'
82. 3:36Anything that scares me, I'm going to actively pursue it."
83. 3:39So, I'm a Capricorn.
84. 3:41I like my feel solidly on the ground.
85. 3:45I decided to take my first-ever solo vacation,
86. 3:48and it was out of the country to the Dominican Republic.
87. 3:51So on my birthday, what did I do?
88. 3:54I went ziplining through the forests of Punta Cana.
89. 3:57And for some odd reason, I had on business casual.
90. 4:00Don't ask why.
91. 4:01(Laughter)
92. 4:03And I had an incredible time.
93. 4:05Also, I don't like being submerged in water.
94. 4:07I like to be, again, on solid ground.
95. 4:09So I went to Mexico and swam with dolphins underwater.
96. 4:15And then the cool thing that I did also that year
97. 4:17that was my mountain
98. 4:19was I wrote my book,
99. 4:21"I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual,"
100. 4:23And I had to own --
101. 4:24(Applause)
102. 4:25that whole writing thing now, right?
103. 4:27Yes.
104. 4:29But the very anti-me thing that I did that year
105. 4:32that scared the crap out of me --
106. 4:34I went skydiving.
107. 4:37We're about to fall out of the plane.
108. 4:39I was like, "I've done some stupid things in life. This is one of them."
109. 4:42(Laughter)
110. 4:43And then we come falling down to Earth,
111. 4:45and I literally lose my breath as I see Earth, and I was like,
112. 4:49"I just fell out of a perfectly good plane on purpose."
113. 4:51(Laughter)
114. 4:52"What is wrong with me?!"
115. 4:54But then I looked down at the beauty,
116. 4:56and I was like, "This is the best thing I could have done.
117. 4:59This was an amazing decision."
118. 5:01And I think about the times when I have to speak truth.
119. 5:04It feels like I am falling out of that plane.
120. 5:07It feels like that moment when I'm at the edge of the plane,
121. 5:10and I'm like, "You shouldn't do this,"
122. 5:12but then I do it anyway, because I realize I have to.
123. 5:15Sitting at the edge of that plane
124. 5:17and kind of staying on that plane is comfort to me.
125. 5:20And I feel like every day that I'm speaking truth
126. 5:22against institutions and people who are bigger than me
127. 5:25and just forces that are more powerful than me,
128. 5:27I feel like I'm falling out of that plane.
129. 5:29But I realize comfort is overrated.
130. 5:31Because being quiet is comfortable.
131. 5:34Keeping things the way they've been is comfortable.
132. 5:38And all comfort has done is maintain the status quo.
133. 5:40So we've got to get comfortable with being uncomfortable
134. 5:43by speaking these hard truths when they're necessary.
135. 5:46And I --
136. 5:48(Applause)
137. 5:51And for me, though, I realize that I have to speak these truths,
138. 5:55because honesty is so important to me.
139. 5:57My integrity is something I hold dear.
140. 5:59Justice -- I don't think justice should be an option.
141. 6:01We should always have justice.
142. 6:03Also, I believe in shea butter as a core value, and --
143. 6:06(Laughter)
144. 6:08and I think the world would be better if we were more moisturized.
145. 6:12But besides that, with these as my core values,
146. 6:15I have to speak the truth.
147. 6:16I have no other choice in the matter.
148. 6:18But people like me, the professional troublemakers,
149. 6:20should not be the only ones who are committed to being these dominoes
150. 6:24who are always falling out of planes
151. 6:26or being the first one to take this hit.
152. 6:27People are so afraid of these acute consequences,
153. 6:30not realizing that there are many times when we walk in rooms
154. 6:33and we are some of the most powerful people in those rooms --
155. 6:36we might be the second-most powerful, third-most powerful.
156. 6:39And I firmly believe that our job in those times
157. 6:42is to disrupt what is happening.
158. 6:44And then if we're not the most powerful,
159. 6:46if two more of us band together,
160. 6:48it makes us powerful.
161. 6:49It's like cosigning the woman in the meeting,
162. 6:52you know, the woman who can't seem to get her word out,
163. 6:55or just making sure that other person who can't make a point
164. 6:58is being heard.
165. 7:00Our job is to make sure they have room for that.
166. 7:03Everyone's well-being is community business.
167. 7:05If we made that a point, we'd understand that,
168. 7:07for the times when we need help,
169. 7:09we wouldn't have to look around so hard
170. 7:11if we made sure we were somebody else's help.
171. 7:14And there are times when I feel like
172. 7:16I have taken very public tumbles and falls,
173. 7:20like the time when I was asked to speak at a conference,
174. 7:22and they wanted me to pay my way there.
175. 7:26And then I did some research
176. 7:27and found out the white men who spoke there got compensated
177. 7:30and got their travel paid for.
178. 7:32The white women who spoke there got their travel paid for.
179. 7:35The black women who spoke there were expected to actually pay to speak there.
180. 7:40And I was like, "What do I do?"
181. 7:42And I knew that if I spoke up about this publicly,
182. 7:45I could face financial loss.
183. 7:47But then I also understood that my silence serves no one.
184. 7:50So I fearfully spoke up about it publicly,
185. 7:53and other women started coming out to talk about,
186. 7:56"I, too, have faced this type of pay inequality."
187. 7:59And it started a conversation about discriminatory pay practices
188. 8:02that this conference was participating in.
189. 8:04I felt like I was the domino
190. 8:07the time I read a disturbing memoir by a public figure
191. 8:09and wrote a piece about it.
192. 8:11I knew this person was more powerful than me and could impact my career,
193. 8:15but I was like, "I've got to do this.
194. 8:17I've got to sit at the edge of this plane," maybe for two hours.
195. 8:20And I did. And I pressed "Publish," and I ran away.
196. 8:22(Laughter)
197. 8:23And I came back to a viral post
198. 8:25and people being like, "Oh my God, I'm so glad somebody finally said this."
199. 8:29And it started a conversation
200. 8:31about mental health and self-care,
201. 8:33and I was like, "OK. Alright.
202. 8:35This thing that I'm doing, I guess, alright, it's doing something."
203. 8:39And then so many people have been the domino
204. 8:43when they talk about how they've been assaulted by powerful men.
205. 8:47And it's made millions of women join in and say, "Me Too."
206. 8:52So, a shout-out to Tarana Burke for igniting that movement.
207. 8:55(Applause)
208. 9:01People and systems count on our silence to keep us exactly where we are.
209. 9:08Now, being the domino sometimes comes down to being exactly who you are.
210. 9:14So, I've been a shady somebody since I was three.
211. 9:17(Laughter)
212. 9:18This is me on my third birthday.
213. 9:20But I've been this girl all my life,
214. 9:23and I feel like even that's been the domino,
215. 9:25because in a world that wants us to walk around
216. 9:27as representatives of ourselves,
217. 9:29being yourself can be a revolutionary act.
218. 9:32And in a world that wants us to whisper,
219. 9:34I choose to yell.
220. 9:37(Applause)
221. 9:42When it's time to say these hard things,
222. 9:44I ask myself three things.
223. 9:46One: Did you mean it?
224. 9:48Two: Can you defend it?
225. 9:51Three: Did you say it with love?
226. 9:53If the answer is yes to all three,
227. 9:55I say it and let the chips fall.
228. 9:59That's important.
229. 10:00That checkpoint with myself
230. 10:02always tells me, "Yes, you're supposed to do this."
231. 10:06Telling the truth -- telling thoughtful truths --
232. 10:09should not be a revolutionary act.
233. 10:12Speaking truths to power should not be sacrificial, but they are.
234. 10:16But I think if more of us chose to do this for the greater good,
235. 10:19we'd be in better spaces than we are right now.
236. 10:23Speaking of the greater good,
237. 10:25I think we commit ourselves to telling truths to build bridges
238. 10:28to common ground,
239. 10:30and bridges that aren't based on truth will collapse.
240. 10:33So it is our job,
241. 10:35it is our obligation, it is our duty
242. 10:38to speak truth to power, to be the domino,
243. 10:41not just when it's difficult --
244. 10:43especially when it's difficult.
245. 10:45Thank you.
246. 10:46(Applause)