Gerry Dee-Just For Laughs 2007 — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:02nominated for a canadian
2. 0:04comedy award for best male stand up here
3. 0:07comes a fellow funny canuck jerry d
4. 0:21thank you montreal
5. 0:25i think i was
6. 0:27racist
7. 0:29in grade one
8. 0:32i didn't mean to be racist
9. 0:34my best friend was a kid named ramy
10. 0:37jahari
11. 0:39i don't know why i did this
12. 0:42i'd call him over every recess i wasn't
13. 0:45trying to be funny or mean
14. 0:48hey rammy
15. 0:49come here
16. 0:51all right let's try this
17. 0:58did i say anything
18. 1:02nothing
19. 1:05nothing okay i'll see you tomorrow we'll
20. 1:07try something else
21. 1:11you ever go to an arabic person's house
22. 1:13for lunch
23. 1:15when you're six
24. 1:17it's terrifying
25. 1:20everything they say to each other they
26. 1:22sound angry
27. 1:24especially the father
28. 1:36my dad would like to know if you like a
29. 1:37peanut butter and jelly sandwich
30. 1:46took kinesiology in university
31. 1:50which is a big word for jim if you're
32. 1:52not sure what i'm talking about
33. 1:57and then i was a school teacher my first
34. 1:59job teaching there were no jobs in phys
35. 2:02ed so i lied
36. 2:04and that backfired
37. 2:06it made me teach grade 12 history
38. 2:10yeah
39. 2:11i didn't even take grade 12 history
40. 2:17i had to go home every night and read
41. 2:19the chapters myself
42. 2:22first to learn what i was going to teach
43. 2:24every day
44. 2:25was horrible i'd assign the homework
45. 2:28every day like this all right kids
46. 2:31tonight for homework
47. 2:33i'd like you to read chapters one to
48. 2:35three
49. 2:37okay
50. 2:38and then stop reading
51. 2:41all right
52. 2:44don't go reading ahead coming in asking
53. 2:47questions tomorrow on stuff i haven't
54. 2:49learned yet
55. 2:52because that's what they do
56. 2:56smart kids always had a question
57. 2:58every day this kid duncan sir
58. 3:02what happened to the mayan civilization
59. 3:07what chapter are you on duncan
60. 3:1215.
61. 3:14what are you a loser you read the whole
62. 3:16book already
63. 3:19we can't say that so i had to lie
64. 3:23teachers don't admit when we don't know
65. 3:25the answer we just throw everything back
66. 3:27on the kids oh
67. 3:29is that right duncan
68. 3:30so you think i'm just gonna spoon feed
69. 3:33you the answers do you
70. 3:37no that's not how i teach kids
71. 3:40so thanks to duncan i'd like the rest of
72. 3:43you to go home tonight and look up
73. 3:46what happened
74. 3:48to whatever he's mumbling about at the
75. 3:50back
76. 3:55it was horrible
77. 3:58i'd have duncan come up
78. 4:00and write the question on the board in
79. 4:02big letters
80. 4:04because i needed to see how he spelled
81. 4:06mine so i could google it later myself
82. 4:13it was horrible then you had to come in
83. 4:14the next day and take up the homework
84. 4:17i still don't know what happened to the
85. 4:19mayan civilization
86. 4:21kids have their hand up to answer
87. 4:24i'm like put your hand down dave you got
88. 4:26a 30 average i'm not gambling on your
89. 4:28answer
90. 4:32can't ask the dumb kids i don't know if
91. 4:34they're right or wrong
92. 4:39so i would take up the homework the same
93. 4:41way every day i'd ask the smartest kid
94. 4:43lorraine
95. 4:45could you please tell us what happened
96. 4:47to the
97. 4:50mayan civilization
98. 4:54whatever she'd say i take a vote how
99. 4:57many people agree with that answer
100. 4:59that's good cause that's what happened
101. 5:01good work kids
102. 5:03you're learning
103. 5:05it's ironic that i was a teacher i was
104. 5:08not a very good student grade six was my
105. 5:11worst year i couldn't read very well
106. 5:14they made you read out loud remember
107. 5:16this crap
108. 5:18get rid of this reading out loud in
109. 5:21schools nobody
110. 5:22was ever listening to the kid that was
111. 5:25reading
112. 5:26we all did the same thing we sat at our
113. 5:28desk terrified
114. 5:31counting people
115. 5:35to see which paragraph we got stuck with
116. 5:38that's all you want to know you got that
117. 5:39one
118. 5:41no that's huge
119. 5:44it was awful
120. 5:47you always had that one kid didn't
121. 5:49matter how bad i was i was that one kid
122. 5:52in every grade six class that was seven
123. 5:54reading years behind everybody remember
124. 5:56this kid
125. 5:58you weren't allowed to go to recess
126. 6:00until bruno finished reading
127. 6:05my life was recess as a boy in grade six
128. 6:08i was the first kid to the door lined up
129. 6:11i stood like this just stood there
130. 6:13just stood there and your buddies are
131. 6:15behind you like go get the field and
132. 6:16you're thinking no kidding idiot why do
133. 6:18you think i'm in my fast position
134. 6:21this
135. 6:22so exciting it was
136. 6:25we couldn't go one day because bruno
137. 6:27couldn't read
138. 6:28and then the bear licked the honey
139. 6:32why did this kid always yell
140. 6:34take forever
141. 6:36and then
142. 6:39the br
143. 6:41that doesn't sound right
144. 6:45and he'd say the same word
145. 6:48over and over again the exact same way
146. 6:51that's when i'd get frustrated because
147. 6:52it's like he's not even trying like a
148. 6:54duh
149. 6:56like a duh can't get this
150. 6:59the br like a duh
151. 7:03sometimes he'd shut his eyes like he was
152. 7:05thinking harder
153. 7:09like a duck no still not liking that now
154. 7:11you're not looking
155. 7:15to make matters worse
156. 7:18he's the only kid in the class that
157. 7:19didn't follow the paragraph
158. 7:22with his finger
159. 7:24so he'd lose his place
160. 7:27so he'd finally finish reading it
161. 7:30and then he'd read it again
162. 7:34but he'd read it like two different
163. 7:35things happened i had no idea what was
164. 7:38going on and then the br
165. 7:41loika do the honey
166. 7:45and then the vr
167. 7:48like the honey
168. 7:50what
169. 7:53you got to be kidding me
170. 7:56unbelievable
171. 8:00i'm like learn how to read bruno you're
172. 8:0217 man it's ridiculous
173. 8:11i got married last year i loved it the
174. 8:13only thing i didn't like was the wedding
175. 8:17like the ceremony part it's my wife and
176. 8:20i got here's my advice if you're gonna
177. 8:22get married
178. 8:23send out your invitations
179. 8:25and have people send in their response
180. 8:28with their gift
181. 8:30before the wedding get the gifts first
182. 8:33and then give everybody their meal
183. 8:36based on the gift you got
184. 8:39oh my god
185. 8:42some of the we got a plate from a couple
186. 8:46what are we supposed to do with one
187. 8:48plate
188. 8:50honey hurry up and eat and wash it i'm
189. 8:52starving
190. 8:55i wish i'd known that ahead of time i
191. 8:57would have served them a bun that would
192. 8:59have been their meal
193. 9:00on the plate there you go have a nice
194. 9:02meal thanks for coming
195. 9:06one couple gave us 45 i am not making
196. 9:10that up
197. 9:12i don't mind the amount but how do you
198. 9:14come up
199. 9:15with that denomination
200. 9:18what are you sitting at home before the
201. 9:20wedding
202. 9:21how much should we give
203. 9:24forty dollars
204. 9:26that's not enough
205. 9:30fifty dollars
206. 9:32what are we made of money all of a
207. 9:33sudden
208. 9:36or
209. 9:38or did they give us 50
210. 9:40and on the way to the wedding go oh
211. 9:43we got to get a card oh get a card
212. 9:46thank you montreal
213. 9:58very deep