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1. 0:00Parents, what rule did your kid obey so
2. 0:01perfectly it actually terrified you?
3. 0:03When my son Reese was seven, I got tired
4. 0:05of the complaining. The food is boring.
5. 0:06This game is dumb. School is stupid.
6. 0:08Everything was a problem. So, I made a
7. 0:10rule. You're allowed to complain about
8. 0:11anything you want, but if you complain,
9. 0:13you have to come up with a solution. No
10. 0:14solution, no complaint. My wife looked
11. 0:16at me like I'd lost my mind. He's seven,
12. 0:17Lonnie. He doesn't know what a solution
13. 0:19is. But, I grew up in a house full of
14. 0:20complainers. My dad complained about his
15. 0:22boss for 30 years and never once updated
16. 0:24his resume. My mom complained about the
17. 0:25landlord every winter and we still
18. 0:26froze. Complaining without action is
19. 0:28just noise. I wasn't letting my kid
20. 0:29inherit that. The first week, Reese said
21. 0:31his sandwiches were boring. I said,
22. 0:32"Solution?" He thought for a second.
23. 0:34"Can I pick what goes in it?" Done. He
24. 0:35started making his own lunch. Peanut
25. 0:36butter and banana. Same thing every day
26. 0:37for two weeks, but he never complained
27. 0:38about lunch again. I figured that was
28. 0:40the whole lesson. Don't like something,
29. 0:41change it. Simple. Then, I caught him
30. 0:42doing something I wasn't ready for. I
31. 0:43walked past his room one night and he
32. 0:45was sitting on the floor with a
33. 0:46composition notebook. He'd drawn a line
34. 0:47down the middle of every page. Left side
35. 0:49said, "Problem." Right side said,
36. 0:51"Solution." He had filled 11 pages. "The
37. 0:53bathroom is cold in the morning." Next
38. 0:55to, "Put my towel on the heater before
39. 0:56my shower." "I can't find my shoes."
40. 0:57Next to, "Put them by the door every
41. 0:59night." I just stared. Reese, "What is
42. 1:00this?" He looked up like it was obvious.
43. 1:01"I'm getting ahead of my complaints." He
44. 1:02was seven. A few weeks later, his
45. 1:03classmate Amir showed up to school with
46. 1:05his arm in a sling. The other kids
47. 1:06signed his cast and moved on. But, Reese
48. 1:08noticed something nobody else did. Amir
49. 1:09couldn't open his lunchbox, couldn't
50. 1:11unzip his backpack, couldn't hold a
51. 1:12paper and write at the same time. So,
52. 1:14Reese went home and opened his notebook.
53. 1:15"Amir can only use one hand." And next
54. 1:17to it, "Be his other hand." For the next
55. 1:19six weeks, Reese sat next to Amir every
56. 1:20day, opened his lunch, held his papers,
57. 1:22carried his tray. No one asked him to.
58. 1:24When I found out, I asked why. He
59. 1:25shrugged. "He had a problem. I had two
60. 1:27hands. That's the solution." He was
61. 1:28seven. I had to leave the room. Amir's
62. 1:29dad called me that weekend. His voice
63. 1:31cracked three times in two minutes. He
64. 1:32said Amir had been pretending everything
65. 1:33was fine because he didn't want to look
66. 1:35weak. He said Reese never once made Amir
67. 1:36feel like he was being rescued. He just
68. 1:38showed up quietly every day. But, here's
69. 1:39the part that still wakes me up at 2:00
70. 1:41a.m. A month later, Reese came to me
71. 1:42with a three-page document written in
72. 1:44pencil with diagrams. He called it the
73. 1:46fix-it board. His idea was to put a
74. 1:47board in the classroom where any kid
75. 1:49could write down a problem. Not math
76. 1:50problems, real problems. "I don't have
77. 1:51anyone to sit with at lunch. I'm too
78. 1:53scared to ask for help. My grandma is in
79. 1:54the hospital and I'm sad." Then, other
80. 1:56kids could write solutions underneath or
81. 1:57just write me too, so nobody felt alone.
82. 1:59He designed the layout. He'd written
83. 2:01rules. Rule one, nobody makes fun of
84. 2:02anyone's problem. Rule two, if you can
85. 2:04help, help. If you can't, just be kind.
86. 2:06Rule three, no problem is too small. The
87. 2:07kid had built a system for something
88. 2:09most adults can't do, asking for help
89. 2:10without shame. I took it to his teacher,
90. 2:12Ms. Purcell. She cried before she
91. 2:13finished reading it. She put the board
92. 2:14up that Friday. By Monday, it was full.
93. 2:16A kid wrote, "I don't have warm gloves."
94. 2:18And by Wednesday, three pairs showed up
95. 2:19on his desk with no name. A kid wrote,
96. 2:21"I eat alone every day." And by
97. 2:22Thursday, she had four people at her
98. 2:24table. Ms. Purcell told me she'd been
99. 2:25teaching 22 years and never seen a
100. 2:27classroom change that fast. The
101. 2:28principal put Fix-It Boards in every
102. 2:30classroom by spring. The school district
103. 2:31wrote about it in their newsletter. A
104. 2:32local news station picked it up. The
105. 2:33reporter asked Reese, "What made you
106. 2:35think of this?" My 7-year-old looked at
107. 2:36her and said, "My dad told me I can't
108. 2:37complain unless I have a solution. So, I
109. 2:39started fixing things. But some problems
110. 2:40are too big to fix by yourself. So, I
111. 2:42built a place where people can fix
112. 2:43things together." The reporter looked at
113. 2:44me. I was crying on camera and I didn't
114. 2:46care. I made one rule, stop complaining
115. 2:47and start solving. What I expected was
116. 2:49fewer arguments at dinner. What my son
117. 2:50learned was that the world is full of
118. 2:52people struggling quietly and most of
119. 2:53them just need someone to say your
120. 2:55problem matters. I taught him to stop
121. 2:56whining. He taught himself to stop doing
122. 2:57it.