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Functional Crystal Meth Addict interview-John — Transcript

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0:01all right John John where'd you grow up
0:03where are you from originally um I'm
0:05originally from Massachusetts
0:06Springfield Massachusetts tell me about
0:08your family two older brothers and an
0:11older sister I'm the youngest U mom is
0:14was divorced uh raised with with my
0:17stepdad and my and my mom uh moved out
0:21to
0:22California in
0:2472 and um that's when they had that big
0:27earthquake and stuff and so I guess my
0:29mom told me that I had night tears or
0:31something and they Shi me back to
0:33Massachusetts living my grandmother
0:35until I was 10 cuz you so scared of the
0:37earthquakes yeah I guess so I don't know
0:39I mean night ter I you know I was so
0:40young and then moved back to
0:43California and by that time I was into
0:45sports you know baseball baseball was my
0:48thing I lived and breathed it and um and
0:53where I lived it was a bunch of Kids on
0:54the Block and stuff and you know you how
0:56you always get in fights with the kids
0:58and stuff and I was I was a smart ass
1:00you know I always got into fights with
1:02with other kids and stuff cuz stupid
1:04I would say to them and uh then I
1:08got uh then when I turned 15 I went to
1:11uh uh to the high school Al Hamra High I
1:14was living out in Montery Park and
1:15Alhambra at the time and I got
1:18introduced to smoking weed you know and
1:21then right soon right after that then it
1:23was a free
1:25Basin and I was like 15 at the time and
1:28I thought it was the greatest thing ever
1:30you know and that kind of pretty much
1:32put a cap on my baseball career cuz I
1:35want to party you know I want to hang
1:36out with the girls and you know and back
1:39then we had cholos and you know gangs
1:41and stuff like that and I got jumped
1:43into a gang out there um and I was a
1:46cholo for few years until up until I got
1:49married I was married I got married when
1:52I was
1:5219 and had twin boys a couple years
1:56later and uh I was still doing still
1:59doing drugs I was U drinking drinking
2:02then and uh it was I was a heavy drinker
2:05for a while I would black out and
2:07sometimes I end up in my neighbor's
2:09living room in the middle of his floor
2:11in the middle of the day I don't know
2:13how I got into his house but I've done
2:14that a few times and uh you know I
2:17thought it was funny at first but uh you
2:19know as I got older I was like God how
2:21stupid that was you know how bad I was I
2:23was such a bad Drinker and uh then I
2:26started getting into Coke the 80s came
2:28around got into Coke and oh massive
2:30amounts of coke I worked for a Shell gas
2:34station at the time and I would steal
2:35all their motor oil to pay for my Coke
2:38and stuff and uh and then uh my wife was
2:41doing coke but not as much as me but I
2:43still kept going and I ended up uh going
2:46from Coke to crack started cooking it
2:48myself was trying to raise kids trying
2:50to work and stuff ended up selling their
2:53jewelry everything for the crack and I
2:55did that for about 2 years and thank God
2:57I'm glad I'm not doing that anymore cuz
2:59that was just just a horrible two years
3:00of my life doing that it was bad I
3:03used to
3:04drive to Matha park right there on third
3:07in bonnieb and pick up uh you know some
3:10cracks some plates and I jump on the two
3:12freeway I was living in Glendale and I
3:14would hot boox myself in my truck and
3:16that's all I would do is just drive up
3:17and down the two freeway getting high in
3:19my truck you know and uh and then I had
3:22to go home and then go watch the kids
3:24and stuff and I'd be just gacked out you
3:26know it was pretty bad and I stayed
3:28skinny for years years years and then um
3:32I don't know it just one day I just I
3:34think I had enough and I stopped doing
3:36everything for about 5 months started
3:38working out I put it like I got up to
3:40about 180 lbs you got clean yeah I got
3:43clean for about 5 months you know it was
3:45about as longest I ever went clean and
3:47then I went back to drinking but I still
3:48kept on the weight you know I wasn't
3:50doing any uh Coke at the time and then I
3:53got introduced to uh to meth somebody
3:55was smoking it out of a glass pipe and I
3:57was like what the hell you guys doing
3:58crack and they're all no this is meth
3:59meth and I went oh let me try and I
4:02started doing that and I've been doing
4:04that God I don't know for a long time 30
4:07years at least 3 35 years do you prefer
4:10meth to crack uh oh yeah hell yeah
4:13they're both up hell yeah because I
4:14wasn't I felt like I needed to be in
4:16control of my high you know I was I
4:18always say I'm not I'm an user I'm not
4:19an abuser of it but crack I was an
4:21abuser of it you know to the point where
4:23I was you know going to motels and stuff
4:26and just just to get high in the motels
4:28and that's all i' be doing is have my
4:29ear up against the wall and listening to
4:31other people thinking if they're coming
4:32to get me and stuff or I'll see people
4:35like outside my window like they they
4:37looked like they were smoking a
4:38cigarette in the bushes and stuff that's
4:40on crack you're descri yeah that was
4:41onra that's behavior that I I hear from
4:43people that smoke meth yeah oh meth meth
4:46I wasn't I'm I don't really hallucinate
4:48too much on meth um I may get super
4:51gacked you know on it and and I I might
4:55hear things but I just roll at the
4:58punches you know I just roll with you
5:00know if somebody's coming to get me
5:01that's how I see it you know then
5:03they're going to come drug affect
5:04everyone differently yeah it's yeah it
5:06does and you know I guess I can consider
5:08myself a functioning addict I still do
5:10it I buy half ounces every two weeks you
5:13know and that's just for me personally
5:15of meth yeah you know like like the
5:17other day I just bought a half ounce you
5:19know and uh and I share you know I share
5:22it you know with some people that need
5:24it and stuff and you know I've had
5:26girlfriends that that done meth I have
5:28girlfriends done heroin my last
5:30girlfriend was Big Time heroin addict
5:32and she used to shoot up full like 80
5:35milligrams of it and just like and it
5:37was dark and you know it was bad you
5:40know and she would she died a couple
5:41times and you know I caught her on one
5:43of her ODS and stuff lucky I did and and
5:47the whole time she's oding on me I'm
5:48just thinking about what her mom's going
5:50to say you know and she was a lot
5:51younger you know half my age I was think
5:54I was like 52 at the time and she was
5:5726 and uh you know we ended up uh
6:00breaking up it was a bad breakup too I
6:02ended up getting shot by her new
6:04boyfriend at the time when I when we had
6:06do when we did our breakup and stuff I
6:09guess he wanted to be part of her life
6:11or you know I guess he wanted to be her
6:12hero so I ended up getting shot twice by
6:15him and he shot at me three times but
6:17twice I I got hit with a bullet you know
6:20but I I survived that and you know I
6:23just I don't know just been getting high
6:25every day what is it that makes you want
6:27to do that it high is there something
6:29from your childood that you running away
6:30from or my child no I mean you know I
6:33had I don't know if it's basic I mean
6:35I've been I've been I've had a sexual
6:37predator one time I tried to get me when
6:40I was like 10 years old really yeah he
6:43wrote a motorcycle it's it's I don't
6:45know whether I blocked it out and stuff
6:47but I would sneak out of my house to go
6:48meet him at the corner on my street did
6:51something happen uh I don't think so I
6:53don't remember if anything happened but
6:55U my mom ended up finding out that
6:57that's what I was doing and they had the
6:59police come and they took an interview
7:01for me but I can't remember what the
7:02guy's name was now or or anything like
7:05that but it was kind of you know it was
7:07it was it seemed like I was okay what I
7:10was doing you know he made it seem like
7:11I was okay for me to him to take a
7:14couple pictures you know I never was in
7:16a a room alone with them we were mostly
7:18outside and stuff and and I didn't
7:21realize what he was until as I got older
7:23you know that this was somebody that was
7:25bad then I've been kidnapped when I was
7:2815 uh by some girl's uh mom's boyfriend
7:33he thought I was doing something with
7:35with her daughter or something like that
7:37and he ended up grabbing me and throwing
7:39me in the back of his back of his car or
7:41back seat of his car and I had to he
7:42made me stay down and he says you know
7:45what he goes you're not going to go home
7:47you better better pray for your mom that
7:50she doesn't kill herself cuz you're
7:51going to die today and I was just like
7:53you know I was 15 you know and I was I
7:56was a cholo at the time too and you know
7:58tough as I can be
8:00and uh I ended up you know getting away
8:02you know I ended up bolting out the the
8:04back door I don't know he left it
8:06unlocked or he did it on purpose or
8:07maybe he was with me I don't
8:09know but anyway he ended up going to
8:11jail that guy for kidnapping and uh and
8:16then but I I still kept partying I mean
8:18I didn't I didn't see anything wrong
8:20with it you know what I was doing it was
8:22like the normal thing back then
8:23everybody was getting you know coked out
8:25or stoned or drinking are there
8:27alcoholics or yeah in your family uh
8:30yeah my stepdad was an alcoholic
8:32couldn't stand him he was the worst
8:34alcoholic ever he was just a mean
8:36he was like 4 fo 10 he was a
8:39professional racehorse jockey and my mom
8:42worked all the time she ended up only a
8:44couple T restaurants and but even then
8:47man I was drinking big time too you know
8:49in school I go to school drunk or leave
8:52for lunch and go to my friend's house
8:54and get drunk there go buy you know
8:55bottles of bardi and stuff and just
8:57pound one of those or or
8:59or Johnny Walker or Jack Daniels we go
9:03to football games and I would steal
9:04purses from the underneath the bleachers
9:07you know so we can get money and stuff
9:09you know um I wasn't big into stealing
9:12I'm a horrible thief and but you know I
9:14would do it sometimes you know just to
9:16get what I needed um you know I guess it
9:20kind of carried on to my adulthood um I
9:23started stealing got a little bit bigger
9:25a little bit you know crazier you know
9:27had I was carrying a gun with me all the
9:30time um I was stealing cars left and
9:32right you know and uh and this is uh
9:36this is while I was married at the time
9:38still and I got married when 19 got
9:41divorced when I was 37 so after after 37
9:45then that's when it really started a lot
9:47of crazy started happening because
9:48I had nobody to monitor my drug habit
9:51cuz I was just a weekend partyer what I
9:53would drink during the week and stuff I
9:55would fuse like oranges with the with
9:58vodka you know and sugar and just mix it
10:00up so it tastes like orange juice and
10:01smelled like orange juice and I just
10:03used to drink that all the time every
10:05day and I'd be at work and I used to
10:07work for a one of those Warehouse
10:09companies you know Costco and I I made
10:12it up to a a junior manager making
10:15pretty good money too like a 62,000 a
10:17year and that was like in 1998 and you
10:19were using I was using every day every
10:22day I get up and that's the first thing
10:24I would do smoke a bowl or snort a line
10:26you know whatever got me going and then
10:28take my Sunny D's that I used as
10:31thinking you know they were my orange
10:32shoes and stuff and I go to work and I
10:34work I work every day you're a
10:36functional addict I was functioning yeah
10:38I wasun how many years did you do that
10:40oh God I mean until till Rec I mean till
10:43now I mean I did 13 years with that
10:45company and there was math you were
10:47using I was doing math yeah at the time
10:49and I was drinking too you know and
10:52marijuana used to be a big thing for me
10:53I used to just crave that all the time
10:55but then that just got I stopped doing
10:58uh opinion on functional drug addicts uh
11:01somebody who can get up and go to work
11:03every day but you think it's possible
11:04yeah it is it's it's very possible I I
11:06do it I do it every day I still do it to
11:08this day I mean I now I I don't I don't
11:12rush myself I'm late every day but uh
11:15I'm there though I'm there to work and I
11:18used to have a rule that I don't get
11:19high at work cuz I didn't want to be
11:21embarrassed of getting caught and that's
11:23my thing I don't want anybody to know
11:24that I get high so I function as a
11:27normal person throughout the day
11:29and stopping is not an option uh if
11:32somebody gave me a reason to if if there
11:35was somebody out there that gave me a
11:37reason not to do it anymore then I
11:39probably would I mean I'm 56 going on 57
11:42you know I'm going to be an addict until
11:44I'm until I die maybe I don't want to
11:48quit I don't want to quit what does
11:50crystal meth do for you at this point it
11:52coms me down bals you down yeah it makes
11:55me even kill you know makes me uh uh
11:58more tolerable to people and I think
12:00people are
12:01stupid you know if if I'm not on it I'm
12:04I'm an the real me comes out and
12:06I'm an and I'll tell you to and
12:08I'm pretty honest I'm pretty pretty
12:10straightforward probably one of the most
12:12straightforward people that most people
12:14will meet you know and I tell you what's
12:16on my mind at the time no matter who you
12:18are have you smoked this morning yeah I
12:21smoked probably about 10 minutes before
12:22I got here too I so I mean it's just
12:25something that I do I lost most majority
12:27of all my teeth you know and I and
12:30adventur yeah both of them and I got you
12:33know I got lucky somebody told me about
12:35you know cuz I did have a half partial
12:37cuz I only had half of my teeth up on
12:39top and my partial broke my motor's
12:40nightmare ever and I broke those and now
12:42I just had this snaggle tooth and then
12:44no teeth just on this one complete side
12:47and uh and I had that for did that for a
12:49few years and then I was like you know I
12:51can't eat couldn't eat then my other
12:53teeth started breaking and I said I got
12:56to get something done and somebody
12:57introduced me to some uh some somebody
12:59was doing something on the Internet for
13:01uh Dental Grants you know they can give
13:04you some implant Grant and I knew it was
13:07a kind of like a you know marketing
13:08thing you know you go in there and they
13:10they tell you that they'll drop the
13:12price off but they're really not doing
13:13that they're just you know getting you
13:15in there and giving you the price that
13:16they normally would and that's fine with
13:18me because I'm not going to pay that
13:19bill you know and and so you know I just
13:23put down a little deposit and then the
13:25rest of this history you know I got
13:26teeth and now I can I'm still learning
13:28how to smile and I've had these probably
13:31about 3 years now and uh yeah it's it's
13:35you know it's hard for me to to show my
13:38teeth or something I'll just still keep
13:40my mouth shut you know and they say hey
13:41you got nice teeth and I'm oh yeah then
13:43I'll show my teeth but uh you know I
13:46deal with like stress and everything
13:48with jokes you know people say I'm real
13:51funny I should do
13:52standup and so I just like you know all
13:54I do is just make fun of other people
13:57you know and they think it's it's funny
13:59but I make fun of myself more than
14:00anything else you know you know if
14:04people are uncomfortable with the with
14:06with gay gay people I I make it I make
14:09them think that I was I'm gay as well
14:12you know just so that you know just so
14:15they they see that oh there's somebody
14:16like you know I consider myself not a
14:18tough guy but I'm not afraid you know
14:20I'm not afraid of anything um except
14:23getting caught that's the only thing I'm
14:26afraid of is getting caught and being
14:27exposed that I'm a drug addict
14:29you know what's your biggest
14:31regret uh that I that I walked away from
14:35a career that could have you know made
14:38my life a little more
14:40easier you know it was
14:42um it was it was it at the time it felt
14:45easy to do it felt smart that I was
14:48doing the right thing I was walking away
14:49from a career and I didn't want that
14:51company to know that I was an addict
14:52that I was addicted to alcohol and and
14:54meth at the time cuz when I got divorced
14:57it just went South you know nobody had
14:59to monitor me which was great could you
15:01have been functional on
15:03crack no no I was not functional on
15:07cocaine you could cocaine I cocaine yeah
15:09I could I can I can be up all night long
15:12all night long and then if I had to go
15:14to work I just I go out and get a or I
15:17would have a bottle of Nyquil and I
15:18would down a bottle of that just so I
15:20can get some sleep you know and I sleep
15:22my two hours and then I get up and
15:24what's your what's your sleep schedule
15:26like
15:26now God you probably almost consider me
15:29a somniac it's very little sleep I'll
15:32probably nod sometimes you know if
15:34something's boring you know I'll nod
15:36real quick but I can hear what's going
15:38on and then I'll just wake up but if I
15:40get like two hours in I'm refreshed like
15:42today like today I got a couple hours
15:45you go some nights with no sleep yeah
15:46I'll go days days without it and still
15:49be functioning still going to work I
15:51have a guy that I work for who does
15:53construction and stuff and he picks me
15:55up and everything I lolly gag you know I
15:57take my time as I get ready to go and I
16:00said no I'm not ready yet I got to take
16:01my dog for his walk first hold on you
16:03know and I and I have a great dog and uh
16:06and then I then I'm ready you know and
16:08he knows that I do meth and stuff and
16:10he's sober and he's religious and stuff
16:13and he's always telling me why you got
16:14to be doing that why you got to be
16:15doing that I said so I'm not an
16:17to you that's why so that way
16:20you don't get a prick coming working for
16:22you because that's what you'll get you
16:24know you get somebody that's straight
16:25out and I'll look at every flaw that you
16:27have and I'll point it out to you you
16:29know just because I can because I don't
16:31give a you know I feel that I'm at
16:34the age I don't give a I don't give a
16:36and you know people come with
16:38me with their problems because they
16:40believe that I'm intelligent and I give
16:41them sound advice okay yeah maybe so but
16:44I really don't give a I don't give
16:46a what's going on with you or you
16:48or you or you I don't care what
16:49anybody's doing I don't care what
16:51anybody says I don't care what your
16:53problem is if something's sad I I don't
16:56want to hear it you know these are
16:58shoulders not to cry on if you want to
16:59cry go to the bathroom and cry in there
17:02do you have kids I have twin boys yeah
17:04they're men now they're in their 30s
17:06yeah you raised them yeah up until I was
17:08for they were 14 then I got divorced and
17:11then uh I had a house you know had
17:14couple cars couple dogs swimming pool
17:16you know I was living the dream you know
17:18I bought my first house when I was
17:2032 and uh and ended up having to sell it
17:24you know after the divorce I wish we
17:26didn't have to do that California sucks
17:29you know you got to split all your your
17:30your assets and stuff but uh you know my
17:33wife around on me with my best
17:35friend and that that really set me off I
17:39mean you know she was she was going to
17:42die she was going to die the that day
17:45that I found out and I had set it up for
17:47her where U she had sent some email to
17:50my best friend at the time and something
17:52about how he misses Mish hearing his
17:54voice and some other and I made
17:57a whole bunch of copies of it it was an
17:59email cuz of our house uh computer at
18:02the time you know back then you know
18:03computers were still fairly new and and
18:07I would use her email to play u NFL
18:10games you know bet on games and so I saw
18:14the email draft so I hit you know opened
18:16it up and it was to my best friend like
18:178 days after my birthday and her
18:20apologizing for the Friday which was my
18:22birthday that she couldn't hang out with
18:23me on that or hang out with him on that
18:25day so I made a whole bunch of copies
18:28after you know how that feel uh it feels
18:31it still drains me you know like I feel
18:33the blood drained from my head you know
18:36down my shoulders all the way to my
18:37hands you know that's where it stops the
18:39blood and I just feel empty inside you
18:41know and I was planning on being married
18:43to this woman until we were old you know
18:45I got married when I was 19 got divorced
18:47when I was 37 that's a pretty long time
18:49you know raised kids you know we we both
18:52had careers um you know I had money in
18:54my pocket all the time it was you know
18:57it was a good time in my life
18:58and then that just that one moment you
19:00know and just kind of just I just pissed
19:03it all the way after that you know she I
19:06told her there was emergency at home I
19:08said come home and uh and so she came
19:11home and and she peaked in like you know
19:14to see what was up and I said come on in
19:16lock the door and I was going to set her
19:18up to where I had the copies of uh her
19:21draft that she was sending to my friend
19:23and I was just going to throw them at
19:24her and they were just going to fall to
19:26the floor and she as she went to go bend
19:28down I was going to come her on the
19:29couch with my bat and then I wanted to I
19:31was going to smack her right on top of
19:33her head and just split her head open
19:35just that and I had no no remorse or
19:37nothing I just knew that that's what I
19:39was going to do and I didn't care about
19:41whether my kids were going to be without
19:43parents or anything like that I just
19:45knew that that she up she did
19:47something that that she shouldn't have
19:49done you know and is that what happened
19:52no lucky I'm a science kind of person
19:55and so when I threw the paper and they
19:57all went to the floor except this one
19:59and this one just floated up to her
20:01chest and she grabbed it like that and
20:04by that time I was already coming around
20:05the couch with the bat and she saw me
20:06and she ran around the kitchen table and
20:09I told her I said today you're going to
20:10die I said what is that and so you know
20:13we started she started to explain
20:15herself you know about what what she was
20:17sending and stuff and it was all
20:19you know it was all
20:22and I told her I said today you're going
20:23to die and and your kids are going to be
20:25without parents because I'm I'm not
20:27running I'm not going anywhere I'm going
20:29to you know stay here you know until the
20:31police come and arrest me because uh you
20:33know uh there's nothing left for me here
20:36and I was and that's when I started
20:38getting I started I drank a lot that day
20:41after I found out and then uh so she so
20:44I she convinced me that you know that it
20:46was really nothing it was really nothing
20:48and and I said well I said I'll I'll be
20:51back and I went to leave and I was going
20:53to go to his house and I was going to
20:55kill him and I saw her jump on her phone
20:58and I stopped and my truck and I backed
21:00it up I came back to the house and I I
21:02knew she was going to call him cuz he
21:04had he had guns and stuff and
21:06so I let I let her stay there I let her
21:11stay at the house and I I went to move
21:13out and uh and then when I C I came back
21:16like about a week later and I told her
21:19that she needed to move out you know
21:22that it's not right that she has a place
21:23to live you know I can raise the kids
21:25myself and I was still working at the I
21:27was on vacation at that time and so I
21:29had little free time on my hands and uh
21:33and I gave her a suitcase about this big
21:35and I said whatever you can stuff in
21:37there you can take with you I said so
21:40get the stuff in and I said and I don't
21:42want you to talk talking to my best
21:44friend again she said she told me no I'm
21:46not going to
21:48stop and I and then by that time I was
21:51just like this I said so that's
21:53when I started I really started drinking
21:57and I just wanted to to just Escape you
21:59know what was happening cuz it didn't
22:00seem real married almost 20 years yeah
22:0318 years 18 years and uh you know we we
22:07still talk you know we talk once in a
22:09while I still see my boys you know I
22:11still see these 14y olds they're they're
22:13in their 30s and I see 14-year-old boys
22:15you know you are you still angry with
22:16her uh no no I I forgave her long time
22:20ago and it took her 4 years to apologize
22:23to me though you know and she goes we're
22:26all human yeah she goes if there's
22:28anything I can do you know to help you
22:30through this and I said yeah there's one
22:32thing you can do I said you can go
22:33through what I went through I want you
22:35to feel what I
22:37felt you know cuz um cuz it was
22:40I mean I I I hated people I hated people
22:43that were happy and and and being
22:46couples and stuff I was I became an
22:47angry angry man and then I started to
22:50become violent once I was you know once
22:52we were already divorced and separated
22:54and stuff and and anybody that said
22:56anything stupid to me I was was on them
22:59and by that time you know like I said I
23:00I picked up a little bit of weight and I
23:02put some muscles on and I was Affiliated
23:05to to a gang and and so anytime I had
23:09any trouble I would call call the homies
23:11and they we would come and we would take
23:13whatever we wanted I used to run around
23:15with a Barber's razor and hold it to
23:18people's
23:19scalps just to collect money for
23:21something make a easly $300 you know on
23:24like A1 th000 th000 debt or I just start
23:28taking all their stuffff whatever I
23:29thought was worth money you know and
23:33never got in trouble for it you know I F
23:35you know people fear people that are
23:37serious and I my eyes were dead too
23:39that's why I still cover my eyes you
23:41know because I I know what that guy
23:43looks like you know with those dead eyes
23:45and it was I was dead and I didn't care
23:47either back then either and uh so I got
23:50a bad reputation people wouldn't allow
23:52me in their homes they were my friends I
23:55would have to make a phone call to get
23:57in
23:58and and so I just started doing you know
24:02more and more meth God how much meth I
24:04used to do I used to buy I used to buy
24:07pounds of it for a friend and he would
24:10give me a pound so it would be like 5
24:12pounds at a time he give me one pound
24:13out of the five I can keep it and sell
24:15it man I was snorting it I was shooting
24:19it I was smoking it whatever whatever to
24:21get that high that I wanted and uh and
24:25then uh one day and then were the
24:27differences between smoking shooting and
24:29yeah there's big differences in all
24:31three you know it all depends you know
24:33you can get you can get some method that
24:35is good for smoking you can also do a
24:36turkey baster I've heard I can do turkey
24:38baster I've done that I've done that
24:40I've had you know I've had girlfriends
24:42that are you know I have many many
24:44girlfriends after I got divorced and you
24:46know and I like I like them all I like
24:47them all no matter what they are being
24:50you know big girls you know skinny girls
24:52you know Mexican black you know right
24:55now I'm into black
24:56girls you know there's a couple black
24:58girls that are that hang out that I that
25:00I know that I like you know we fooled
25:02around you know I fool around God I've
25:04been with so many women it's unreal from
25:0637 into my age now does crystal meth
25:08help with that um yeah it does actually
25:12I've heard that actually it does it it
25:14it does help me but you know I'm 56
25:16years old so I need a pill on an
25:17occasion you know other than that I need
25:20something for you to to beat that
25:22desensi you know being desensitized you
25:25know you know watch a lot of porn you
25:27know do a lot of jacking off you know uh
25:30and but I get I find the sexy girls and
25:32that's what turns me on is girls that
25:33are sexy that do things weird My First
25:36Girlfriend after I got divorced she was
25:38bisexual and I call her my teacher and
25:40she pretty much taught me a lot of
25:41things and she like to strap one on on
25:44occasion and you know she wanted me to
25:46some guy and I was like no I don't
25:48want to be no guy I'll let him
25:49suck my dick for you but you know that's
25:51about it I don't want to be no
25:52guy I don't want no hairy or
25:54anything like that I said but you can
25:55me if you want and so she thought
25:57that was great so I used to let her
25:59me on you know once in a while and stuff
26:01and that was fun you know it was fun cuz
26:02she was an aphrodesiac this girl I mean
26:05anywhere we went people were just drawn
26:07to her and we would have you know three
26:09SS and five SS you know like little
26:11Carousel of of people you know that I
26:14don't even know or she barely even knew
26:16would that be happening if you guys
26:17weren't on meth uh probably not probably
26:21not you know but uh it was it was you
26:24know I had some good times and but you
26:25know like those those relationships all
26:27my Rel relationships that were with
26:29drugs it was they were all they all
26:31ended you know maybe not all bad but
26:33they ended you know we just kind of
26:35moved on and did something or something
26:37my last girlfriend she was a lot younger
26:40I mean you know but she was just a
26:41horrible girlfriend she's just was just
26:44horrible for me and everybody kept
26:45saying that but you know she was a good
26:47you know and that's all I saw you
26:49know that she was a good even
26:51though she was doing heroin heroin which
26:53I hated because I had friends that did
26:55heroin and I had friends die from it
26:56from fent and all I had them die from it
26:59and you know and I didn't want somebody
27:01dying in my care you know I I was I felt
27:05that I had a
27:06certain uh
27:09uh certain level of of respect that I
27:13that I believe that I had from people
27:15they you know they trusted me and stuff
27:16because I'm like I said I'm pretty
27:18honest and you know I nowadays I don't
27:20steal from anybody I don't take their
27:22stuff and you know if I find a wallet on
27:25the floor nowadays even if it had money
27:27in it you know I I give that person a
27:30chance you know and I'll either mail it
27:32to them if I don't mail it to them then
27:34I'll try to find something that I can
27:35call them with you know if they have
27:37like a doctor's card or something I let
27:38them know that I found their wallet or
27:40something just give them that
27:41opportunity before I have to take it but
27:43I've done some real crime stuff man real
27:47crime stuff you know and done home
27:49invasions and and you're living on the
27:51streets now yeah I lived in I lived in a
27:55goes hand in hand yeah I went from I was
27:57living living with a friend before I
27:58went super homeless um I was living with
28:01a friend for about 3 years and then they
28:03moved to Palmdale and a friend of mine
28:06dropped off he had a pop out trailer and
28:08it was a joke it was a joke he goes oh I
28:10heard you going homeless so I brought
28:12you this pop out trailer you know for
28:14you to live in and you know I made fun
28:16of it and everything and I was going to
28:17fix it up and sell it you know and make
28:19some money off of it but no I ended up
28:21living in it and I lived in that thing
28:23for about a year and a half and then I
28:25went from that to a a to a motor home
28:29and then from a motor home to another
28:30motor home and then I finally I got some
28:33Ed when Ed was happening everybody was
28:35doing that unemployment I got some money
28:36in and I bought another motor home which
28:39I ended up giving it to my last
28:41girlfriend which was a mistake you know
28:44um and then uh I just and then from
28:47there I went from this last motor home
28:48that I was in to living in like a tent I
28:51guess or fixed you know housing with the
28:54with pallets you know and uh it's cold
28:58and rainy at times man and it's pretty
29:00bad I mean this this year is probably
29:01one of the worst years I think for being
29:04out on the streets you know with the
29:06rain and everything the non-stop rain
29:08and stuff and you know you can't get
29:10warm enough you know and I got a dog too
29:14and I hate that that my dog's being put
29:16through what I've been put through so
29:18you know the housing came and you know
29:20they say we'll get you in a home and you
29:22know and all I really care about is my
29:24dog then you know he's he gets a better
29:26life you know or lives better but he's
29:28so loyal and and you know he knows
29:30what's up with me and you know when it's
29:32cold days and stuff he just gets right
29:34up in my face and I got a bull mive uh
29:37American Bulldog and he's a runt and I
29:39got that uh and somebody was walking
29:41down the street with them wanted a good
29:43home for him and uh and I said yeah I'll
29:45give him a good home I'll give him a
29:47good home and I told my girlfriend I
29:49said here this is you know your birthday
29:51gift cuz we were talked about getting an
29:53animal and but she never took care of it
29:56she's horrible like I said a horrible
29:58girlfriend at the time and so I ended up
30:01with the dog and he's just been around
30:03me ever since 5 years know he's been out
30:05on the streets and he's very you know
30:07he's friendly but he's but he's
30:08protective and stuff and he you know
30:10everybody loves him everybody loves him
30:12he runs he runs the park you know pretty
30:14much the park that I'm at and and all
30:16the people they always come and say hi
30:18to him first before they say hi to me
30:20and stuff how does it feel to be 57
30:22years old and living in a park yeah yeah
30:27does that
30:28feel well I feel embarrassed you know
30:32and I've seen friends that I know that
30:34that you know that I worked for or work
30:36for me and they see me now on the street
30:38and stuff and I could see that that that
30:41sadness or that you know they you know
30:44that patheticness like they you know
30:47they think I'm pathetic or something I
30:48don't know what that look is that it's
30:49that look you know that makes me hate
30:52where I'm at you know that I think that
30:55I should should be doing something
30:56better but but like I said I'm 56
30:58there's not a lot of opportunity out
31:00there for me anymore no no matter how
31:02talented I am at what I do because for
31:05me to go in and and and talk to somebody
31:08about getting a job it's a difficult
31:10thing and like I say I'm late to
31:12everything I'm late to everything I mean
31:15I had a dishwashing job for four years
31:17and every day I was late every day no
31:19joke for four years before they finally
31:21fired me they ended up having to get a
31:23new manager in into the restaurant that
31:25was that and that person fired me
31:27because I was late but I was late every
31:30day no joke every day 10 minutes to a
31:33half hour and I lived a block away and
31:36then I go home for lunch and I get high
31:37at lunch and then I come back to work
31:39and I'm like 10 20 minutes late for that
31:41you're a dysfunctional addict yeah so I
31:43started becoming dysfunctional but you
31:45know my work was really good I mean you
31:47know how hard is it to be a dishwasher
31:49well I don't know how hard it is I mean
31:51I'm a Virgo everything is meticulous in
31:53details being high everything is super
31:56meticulous this in detailed and
31:58everything takes a little bit longer but
32:00I was quick at what I did I found found
32:02a way to make it work for me you know
32:04get in get out get in get out you know
32:06make sure everything looked clean when I
32:07left so I looked like a superstar so
32:09they accepted me for being late I had
32:12one you know I was missing teeth and
32:14stuff you know and I I wouldn't talk to
32:16nobody I hated having conversations you
32:19know especially when I was looking for
32:20work you know I I couldn't go in there
32:23and just talk to somebody knowing that
32:24they're looking at my mouth you know so
32:26I would grow my mustache a little bit
32:27longer so they couldn't see my teeth or
32:29I to my head down and talk or I have my
32:31hat I'm covering my eyes you know so
32:34they wouldn't see you know I'm not I'm
32:36not super intelligent but I'm
32:37intelligent human being but there's a
32:40lot of intelligent human beings out
32:42there at the park and stuff I mean it's
32:44just amazing how smart some of these
32:46people are that are in these situations
32:49you know they're doing their drug you
32:50know doing drugs that are just pretty
32:53much dominate their life it's number one
32:54in their life you know I'm not going to
32:57say that meth is my number one thing for
33:00me but uh you know it's something I I
33:03have a ritual doing you know on the
33:05regular waking up and going to sleep
33:07with it you know what would you say is
33:08the most important lesson you've learned
33:10in your life oh God is there a lesson in
33:14this I don't know if there's a lesson I
33:17mean you know uh I I made a lot of
33:19mistakes you know I made a lot of bad
33:21choices and and I just got to make
33:24better choices I don't use I don't use
33:28meth as an excuse why I'm am where I am
33:31CU I'm functioning I'm able to function
33:33I'm able to do the things that need to
33:34get done to make the money and I do and
33:36I'll hustle and I'll make money and then
33:38it'll pay for my habits and if it's
33:40something like $100 just for a day just
33:42for for doing a little bit of work yeah
33:45that's enough for me I buy my buy my
33:47half I have a little bit money I got gr
33:49I got food stamps you know all I got to
33:52do now is just get a roof over my head a
33:54solid roof you know and that's something
33:56that's coming from what I hear you know
33:58they I I've talked to the people at tiny
34:00homes and they uh they said that they're
34:02doing intakes next week and that that uh
34:06somebody from housing should set me up
34:08for an appointment so I'll know for sure
34:11whether I get in or not then if I'm in
34:13there maybe things will change maybe
34:14it'll be different you know that I have
34:16a roof over my head that I got a safe
34:18place for my dog you know and he's
34:21everything to me too you know and I I
34:23don't really want to talk about him
34:24because it makes me sad but you know it
34:27sucks it sucks for him you know he's a
34:30good
34:30dog all right all right John thank you
34:33so much for sharing your story thank you
34:34I wish you the best of
34:55luck

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