[Full Story] What’s the most hurtful thing a loved one has ever done to you? — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00my wife was pregnant with my child but
2. 0:02refused to treat me like the father or
3. 0:04let me touch her bump so I gave her an
4. 0:06ultimatum she then revealed a dark
5. 0:08secret that changed everything plus all
6. 0:10updates when my wife first became
7. 0:12pregnant she instantly started acting
8. 0:14cold towards me so much so that she
9. 0:17wouldn't let me go to ultrasounds and
10. 0:19wouldn't even let me feel the baby
11. 0:20kicking in her belly her therapist
12. 0:22suggested that this could be because she
13. 0:24feels resentment towards me he fully
14. 0:27believes that because I have a
15. 0:285-year-old daughter from a previous
16. 0:30relationship my wife doesn't feel
17. 0:32special having my child ever since the
18. 0:34therapist has explained this to her my
19. 0:36wife has completely gone off the rails
20. 0:38during our baby shower last week she
21. 0:40interrupted the entire celebration to
22. 0:42tell everyone that this will not be my
23. 0:44first kid and that if anyone sees her
24. 0:46distancing herself from me not to ask
25. 0:49her about it as it might trigger her on
26. 0:51top of pulling public stunts she is also
27. 0:53nasty and vile to me in person if I ever
28. 0:56mention anything about her bump she
29. 0:58comments about how my ex's was probably
30. 1:00bigger she refuses to acknowledge that I
31. 1:02am the father of the baby going as far
32. 1:04as calling me the nut donor to her
33. 1:06mother if we go out together she wears
34. 1:08the loosest clothes so I don't see her
35. 1:10bump I'll even see her pull her shirt
36. 1:12down when she sees me come into the room
37. 1:14so I don't see her bump she sat on me
38. 1:16the other day and her bump was right in
39. 1:18my face and I ran my hands over it
40. 1:20telling her you are the most beautiful
41. 1:22woman I've ever seen you already are a
42. 1:24great mom to Leah my 5-year-old daughter
43. 1:26from the previous relationship and I
44. 1:28can't wait to see you as our family
45. 1:30grows this the first times I was really
46. 1:32able to feel her bump so I rested my
47. 1:34hand there and said I love you so much
48. 1:36already I'm so excited to meet you I
49. 1:38hope you have your mom's eyes she moved
50. 1:40off of me and said I know your ex had a
51. 1:42bigger bump than me I bet it was fun
52. 1:44seeing Leah move all the time you don't
53. 1:46have to act like you care I know you've
54. 1:48done this before I said I don't think
55. 1:50about it that way Leah is special but
56. 1:52this is a completely new and different
57. 1:54special because it's with you and our
58. 1:56baby is someone completely new and
59. 1:59special she began to leave the room and
60. 2:01I could see her shoulders shaking from
61. 2:03crying I am 100% positive she is not
62. 2:05cheating nor has she ever I just cannot
63. 2:08wrap my head around why she doesn't want
64. 2:10me to be happy about this thing is the
65. 2:12rest of the time is completely normal as
66. 2:14long as I don't mention the baby she is
67. 2:16affectionate initiates intimacy and
68. 2:18brags about what a good husband I am and
69. 2:20how great I've made this pregnancy we
70. 2:22plan for our future have date nights and
71. 2:25do everything else unfortunately we had
72. 2:27a fight where I snapped I had a break
73. 2:29between clients at work so I went to a
74. 2:31local baby store and got a lot of things
75. 2:33she had planned for the baby in Nursery
76. 2:35from her Pinterest board I came home and
77. 2:37surprised her with flowers a prenatal
78. 2:39massage certificate her favorite food
79. 2:42and the baby items she seemed very
80. 2:44grateful but when I came home after
81. 2:46going back to work the items were no
82. 2:48longer there she said she returned them
83. 2:50to buy Leah stuff as Leah was going to
84. 2:52feel left out I lost it I cried for the
85. 2:54first time in our marriage and yelled
86. 2:56that having a child with her was the
87. 2:58worst mistake I've ever made that at
88. 3:00least my Unfaithful ex gave me the
89. 3:02chance to know my unborn child I said
90. 3:04that I didn't care about the baby
91. 3:06because she wouldn't even let me bond
92. 3:08with it note I do care and have since
93. 3:10she told me but I was trying to hurt her
94. 3:12like she hurt me I told her that I hope
95. 3:14she was as miserable as she made me and
96. 3:17that she better be prepared for a
97. 3:18custody dispute she simply said I know
98. 3:20you don't care about the baby but I'll
99. 3:22die before you take my baby from me what
100. 3:25I have begged her to let me interact
101. 3:26with her and our baby I told her what I
102. 3:28said above and she responded that I had
103. 3:30those experiences already so it
104. 3:32shouldn't matter I asked her if the baby
105. 3:34was mine I know it is but I was just
106. 3:36being mean she threw her phone at me and
107. 3:38said yes go through it I'll do a
108. 3:40paternity test whatever you need I
109. 3:42called her parents and asked them to go
110. 3:43to our house as we were having a
111. 3:45disagreement and I went to a hotel I do
112. 3:47not want to stress her or our unborn
113. 3:49child and I really want to repair this
114. 3:51but I truly don't know how I'm staying
115. 3:53at an Airbnb for now until we can figure
116. 3:55this out but I truly don't know what to
117. 3:57do I miss her like crazy and I can't
118. 3:59even begin to understand why she wants
119. 4:01to behave this way I have apologized for
120. 4:03what I said but I can't take back my
121. 4:05words and I worry about when our baby is
122. 4:07born if she will even want to be a
123. 4:09family with me or let me have anything
124. 4:11to do with our baby what should I do
125. 4:13update one after I posted and stewed for
126. 4:15a little while and had a couple of
127. 4:17drinks I called my father-in-law he and
128. 4:19my wife are very close and I respect his
129. 4:21opinion he has been married for a long
130. 4:23time seems to have a happy marriage and
131. 4:25has good relationships all around with
132. 4:27his family I didn't specify what issues
133. 4:29we were having having but since he was
134. 4:30over at my house while I was staying in
135. 4:32an Airbnb it was no secret we were
136. 4:34having problems he has more of a
137. 4:36traditional marriage and at some point
138. 4:38he asked what I had to lose by putting
139. 4:40pressure on her to talk I said I feared
140. 4:42I would push her away more and he pretty
141. 4:44much told me that I was already living
142. 4:46in a separate house from my pregnant
143. 4:47wife freaking out about a potential
144. 4:49divorce what did I have to lose he
145. 4:51advised me to be a man and come back to
146. 4:53my house and lay it on the line I told
147. 4:55him I'd be coming over the next day they
148. 4:57asked if they could take Leah to buy
149. 4:59some Spark lers for the upcoming holiday
150. 5:01and spend the night at their house I
151. 5:03agreed and when I went to my house the
152. 5:04next day I came in with flowers and
153. 5:06stuff to make dinner my wife asked what
154. 5:09I was doing there to which I replied
155. 5:10that I live there and would like to sit
156. 5:12down and talk I gave a long apology for
157. 5:14my actions and words when I finished I
158. 5:17said it was her turn to tell me what was
159. 5:19going on she tried to claim nothing was
160. 5:21wrong that everything was okay after a
161. 5:23while I said my heart was broken that we
162. 5:25have been through some tough things
163. 5:27together fought for each other and now
164. 5:28she was sitting there lying to my face
165. 5:31we both sat there and she cried for
166. 5:33about 30 minutes until eventually she
167. 5:35said she felt like our relationship
168. 5:36would end if she was honest I said I
169. 5:38would hear her out no matter what she
170. 5:41admitted that it was hard for her
171. 5:42because this would be her first child
172. 5:44and not mine she didn't think it would
173. 5:46bother her but it did once she became
174. 5:48pregnant she confessed that she laid in
175. 5:50bed at night thinking that if my ex had
176. 5:52wanted to raise Leah we would still be a
177. 5:54family together and she wouldn't matter
178. 5:56she expressed that seeing me emotional
179. 5:58about our baby wanted to touch her bump
180. 6:00or treating her well made her think of
181. 6:02me and my ex and how I had already done
182. 6:05all of the things she was excited to do
183. 6:07with me near the beginning of her
184. 6:08pregnancy she had told a close friend
185. 6:10that she couldn't wait to have a baby
186. 6:12with her soulmate her friend replied
187. 6:14that she didn't think soulmates had
188. 6:15other children or baby mamas saying that
189. 6:18soulmates were two people meant only for
190. 6:20each other this upset her deeply and she
191. 6:22asked if I thought we were soulmates as
192. 6:24she did she described herself and our
193. 6:26unborn child as my sloppy seconds family
194. 6:29saying that no one grew up dreaming of
195. 6:31having kids with multiple different
196. 6:33people and that she was just the
197. 6:34substitute when the family I wanted
198. 6:36didn't work out she also shared that she
199. 6:38had found some old images of my ex on
200. 6:41social media and couldn't stop comparing
201. 6:43her pregnant body to hers she feared the
202. 6:46baby wouldn't be an equal to Leah in my
203. 6:48eyes it worried her when I would ask
204. 6:50what she thought the baby would be like
205. 6:52wondering what would happen if the baby
206. 6:53were disabled didn't like to do the
207. 6:55things we enjoyed as a family or if the
208. 6:57baby and Leah didn't like each other she
209. 6:59said that at one point she found herself
210. 7:01wishing I had never had Leah so she
211. 7:03wouldn't have to worry as much that's
212. 7:05when she knew she had to really put in
213. 7:07the extra effort to maintain a
214. 7:08relationship with Leah she feared that
215. 7:10between work and Leah I wouldn't have
216. 7:12time for a bond with the baby she read
217. 7:14articles online about fathers not
218. 7:16bonding with their children until they
219. 7:18were able to do things with the family
220. 7:20and that concern weighed heavily on her
221. 7:22when I did try to bond with the baby she
222. 7:24worried the baby wouldn't live up to
223. 7:26Leah I have never been shy about saying
224. 7:28how much being a father means to me and
225. 7:30how raising Leah has been the highlight
226. 7:32of my life along with marrying my wife
227. 7:34and now having our child together she
228. 7:36said it was initially what made her
229. 7:38confident in marrying me and excited to
230. 7:40have a big family with me but now she
231. 7:42constantly wondered if her pregnancy and
232. 7:44this baby would be a highlight or a
233. 7:46burden for me because the stress is the
234. 7:49same but the newness wasn't she worried
235. 7:51that a newborn and then a toddler
236. 7:52wouldn't be as interesting to me as Leah
237. 7:54who is capable of doing activities she
238. 7:56showed me a million articles of
239. 7:58different men explaining exping they
240. 7:59didn't bond with their children until
241. 8:01they were four plus years old she also
242. 8:03showed me videos where people say things
243. 8:06they did with their first kid and then
244. 8:07get more relaxed as they have more
245. 8:09children she said it freaked her out
246. 8:11because it was clear people stopped
247. 8:13caring the more children they had she
248. 8:15said there were times she felt she was
249. 8:17ruining our family and coming between me
250. 8:19and Leah for example at the zoo she
251. 8:22cried on the way to the hospital because
252. 8:23she was afraid Leah would hate her and
253. 8:26resent the baby for cutting our Zoo time
254. 8:28short and that I would be UPS ET about
255. 8:30spending my time off work at the
256. 8:31hospital instead of doing the activities
257. 8:34we had planned with Leah While I Work
258. 8:36Leah and my wife spend a lot of time out
259. 8:38of the house going to the library local
260. 8:40parks Etc one of their favorite
261. 8:42activities is biking together and we
262. 8:44bike together on weekends as well we
263. 8:46have lots of local Trails but due to her
264. 8:48pregnancy she has not been able to bike
265. 8:50as a result we've been doing more indoor
266. 8:52activities my wife said that when I'm at
267. 8:54work Leah kept saying she hated her
268. 8:56because she didn't get to go on her new
269. 8:58bike as often anymore anymore I said I
270. 9:00would discuss it with Leah because that
271. 9:02is unacceptable my wife asked me not to
272. 9:04since there would be so many changes
273. 9:06soon for Leah and it hurt her because
274. 9:08she missed biking together as well a
275. 9:10couple of months ago my wife asked me
276. 9:12and Leah if we wanted to read stories
277. 9:14together Leah chose the first story I
278. 9:16read and my wife chose the second her
279. 9:18favorite childhood story for me to read
280. 9:20to the baby and Leah since it helps
281. 9:23promote brain activity and bonding after
282. 9:25that I read another book of Leah's
283. 9:27choosing while I was at work the next
284. 9:29day Leah ripped the pages out of the
285. 9:31book my wife chose my wife said she was
286. 9:33going to tell me but her friend the same
287. 9:35one who says we aren't soulmates said I
288. 9:37would think she was making it up and
289. 9:39that it seemed like she was trying to
290. 9:41come between me and Leah I asked her why
291. 9:43she didn't tell me any of this and she
292. 9:45explained that she didn't feel
293. 9:46comfortable because her thoughts didn't
294. 9:48even make sense to her she wanted me to
295. 9:50spend time with Leah so she didn't feel
296. 9:52left out or jealous but when I did she
297. 9:54felt upset that I wasn't spending more
298. 9:56time with her she loves Leah but wishes
299. 9:59we had our first kid together she wants
300. 10:01me around but also feels upset and
301. 10:03guilty when I give her and our unborn
302. 10:05baby attention she said she feared that
303. 10:07I would think she was trying to come
304. 10:09between me and Leah even though she
305. 10:11wasn't by the time I realized something
306. 10:13was truly wrong and started to ask what
307. 10:15was wrong if she needed therapy Etc she
308. 10:18said she realized she was acting poorly
309. 10:20but didn't want to admit to herself that
310. 10:22she missed out on a lot with me she
311. 10:24doubled down as it was hard to face that
312. 10:26she made her fears a reality by pushing
313. 10:28me away and not letting me care she said
314. 10:30she felt she couldn't start over and
315. 10:32that her first pregnancy was a somewhat
316. 10:34bad experience because of her own
317. 10:36actions at this point I realized how
318. 10:39terrible I had been I apologized for
319. 10:41making her feel like she couldn't come
320. 10:43to me about anything she said when she
321. 10:45researched her feelings she found a
322. 10:46bunch of forums where people were
323. 10:48calling the posters evil for their
324. 10:50feelings about their stepchildren and
325. 10:52she feared I would feel the same she
326. 10:54said if I had told her I felt about Leah
327. 10:56the way she felt about Leah it would
328. 10:58make her angry and upset set so she
329. 11:00couldn't see how I wouldn't feel the
330. 11:01same we both cried for a long time I
331. 11:04tried to reassure her I told her how
332. 11:06much I loved her how excited I was that
333. 11:08she was the family of my choosing and my
334. 11:10soulmate and that the Universe knew that
335. 11:12Leah and I needed her which is why
336. 11:14circumstances allowed us to be a family
337. 11:17she apologized for the way she treated
338. 11:19me and said she wanted to make it right
339. 11:21she said she had wanted to apologize
340. 11:22when I was beginning to have my meltdown
341. 11:24but was surprised when I yelled and she
342. 11:26realized she might have messed up Beyond
343. 11:28rep to get that reaction from me we
344. 11:31continued to cry for a long time and she
345. 11:33asked if I wanted to feel the baby of
346. 11:35course I said yes and we cried even more
347. 11:38it turned out to be a great evening I
348. 11:40knew things were turning around when she
349. 11:41woke me up by Whispering baby wants
350. 11:44blueberry pancakes that's Saturday I
351. 11:46don't think I've ever prepared pancakes
352. 11:48so fast I couldn't keep the smile off my
353. 11:50face we ended up going to a pool party a
354. 11:52few days later and she let me choose her
355. 11:54swimsuit a big deal for someone who only
356. 11:56wore baggy clothes around me we took
357. 11:59family pictures and the universe was
358. 12:01clearly on my side because on the way
359. 12:03home she asked me to feel her belly and
360. 12:05our baby was hiccuping something I had
361. 12:07never felt before and a first we could
362. 12:09share together she has even let me help
363. 12:11her when she is sick without making an
364. 12:13excuse about Leah I've learned that when
365. 12:15she comes and puts her back to me and
366. 12:17lifts her arm that's my cue to lift her
367. 12:20belly up I now spend a lot of time
368. 12:21rubbing and talking to her belly and
369. 12:23rubbing her feet legs back shoulders and
370. 12:26hips she is sore everywhere at this
371. 12:28point the first 500 times it made me cry
372. 12:31it has been such a relief to be involved
373. 12:33I never thought being tasked with
374. 12:35acquiring the most random food items at
375. 12:372: a.m. would be a great time for me but
376. 12:39it is it still sucks that I missed out
377. 12:41on a lot I think it sucks for her too
378. 12:44she gets emotional and says a weight has
379. 12:46been lifted off her and things are so
380. 12:47much easier and she is upset that she
381. 12:49didn't talk to me sooner I have been
382. 12:51working to fix some of my wife's guilt
383. 12:53and I realized there were a lot of
384. 12:55simple fixes for example I went to my
385. 12:57local bike shop and got a pull behind
386. 12:59trailer now I pull her in that and she
387. 13:02can use a small fan and ice packs while
388. 13:04Leah rides her bike I have taken time
389. 13:06off work so I can spend more time with
390. 13:08both of them we are all in therapy and
391. 13:10thankfully Leah's therapist continues to
392. 13:12say she is securely attached to both of
393. 13:14us enjoys the time we spend together is
394. 13:16coping very well some of her behavior
395. 13:18was due to another situation which we
396. 13:20have resolved and she is excited to be a
397. 13:22big sister my wife was terrified that
398. 13:25maybe Leah could sense her attitude
399. 13:27shift but her therapist says that Leah
400. 13:29only has one complaint about my wife
401. 13:31that she forgot her candy one time and
402. 13:33then it took 32 whole minutes for the
403. 13:35store to deliver it my wife is in
404. 13:37therapy working to overcome the negative
405. 13:39feelings she has that is pretty much
406. 13:41where we are now we are getting very
407. 13:43close to Baby time and working hard to
408. 13:45finish preparing my wife still needs
409. 13:47reassurance and there are a lot of times
410. 13:49she brings up my ex I found that
411. 13:51bringing up our first helps for example
412. 13:53when she asks about certain things and
413. 13:56how they were for me I'll say I don't
414. 13:58want to talk about that and steer the
415. 13:59conversation to us I remind her of our
416. 14:02first house our first vacation our first
417. 14:04kiss and our first date I tell her about
418. 14:07moments that made me fall more in love
419. 14:09with her I also bring up special
420. 14:10memories involving her and Leah like do
421. 14:13you remember when you and Leah made me
422. 14:14so and so that is still one of my prized
423. 14:17possessions it upsets me that my wife
424. 14:19suffered for so long I believe that
425. 14:21saying it out loud took a lot of power
426. 14:23away from her feelings I think most
427. 14:25people know how badly it feels when you
428. 14:27have thoughts that don't feel like your
429. 14:29own during a mentally taxing time I
430. 14:31really should have stood up for our
431. 14:33relationship and her mental health way
432. 14:35sooner I accepted her brushing me off
433. 14:37for far too long when I should have
434. 14:38realized she needed help