From Burka to Born-Again - My Salvation Story | Ayaan Hirsi Ali — Transcript

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1. 0:04I was born in Mogadeshu, Somalia in 1969. It was  a time of political turmoil. My father was in
2. 0:13politics and my mother was illiterate stay-at-home  mom. I was born in a tribal setting to be more
3. 0:24precise, a clan setting. Somali is divided  into different clans. It's very important as
4. 0:29a Somali to know your clan. That's sort of your  identity card. I met my father in uh when I was
5. 0:37about seven or eight years old in Saudi Arabia  because my father was thrown in prison by the
6. 0:44dictator Muhammad Sad Bare. And so the first about  seven or eight years of my life was all about my
7. 0:55father being in prison and my mother trying to  make ends meet. I went to school uh in Kenya.
8. 1:01There was I Islamic religious education and there  was CRA Christian religious education. Those were
9. 1:08the two that were provided. And it's in one of  these classes, Islamic religious classes that I
10. 1:14encountered a different approach to religion. This  teacher comes into our school and she introduced
11. 1:25me and my classmates to a completely different  concept of Islam. She started to explain to us how
12. 1:32absolutely every part of our body was a source of  arousal and therefore mischief for men and every
13. 1:39bit of it had to be covered. And she also had  taught us how not just the physical parts of our
14. 1:46body even our fingers but then it wasn't enough  to just um cover yourself. You could be a source
15. 1:52of arousal for men just by your voice. So singing,  laughing, raising your voice was bad. So that was
16. 2:00the initiation into what she called not just being  a Muslim in name only but being a true Muslim. My
17. 2:08father then comes back to Kenya. I was 21 going 22  and for a Somali Muslim man to have a daughter of
18. 2:18that age unmarried is a conundrum. So when this  Canadian man comes from his his Canadian Somali
19. 2:26relative, he comes to Kenya and they meet at the  mosque, I was offered to him. And for my father,
20. 2:32what was relevant was it's a time of civil war.  Here's a provider. He's a good Muslim. He's our
21. 2:39relative. He's our bloodline. Uh because he's our  bloodline. You are guaranteed that he's going to
22. 2:46treat you right. And I say, "But I don't agree  with you, Dad. I I I don't think this is the man
23. 2:52I want to get married to. He's saying it's God's  will. And there you can't argue with God. You just
24. 2:59submit and you obey and that's it. The marriage  will settle. As this whole process of marriage is
25. 3:08taking place, the thoughts going through my mind  is my mother's life. That I don't want to lead my
26. 3:16mother's life. I didn't want to be persecuted  by fate and live the way she lived. And so at
27. 3:22the age of 22, I went to Holland and I asked for  asylum. I didn't quite know how it would unfold,
28. 3:28but it was a very attractive alternative. When  I when I asked for asylum, I'm put in an asylum
29. 3:34seeker center for about 11 whole months. And  again, through the clan system, my father starts
30. 3:43asking my uncle where is she? They tried to trace  me through all the Somali in Holland. I wrote
31. 3:49this letter to my father explaining why I made the  choice and apologizing and apologizing and saying,
32. 3:56"I know I shamed you. I know I've broken the  codes. I know all of these things, but I did
33. 4:02it for this reason and forgive me, forgive me,  forgive me." And he turned my letter on its side,
34. 4:08took a red pen and wrote in angry. He cursed  me and he disowned me and called me some really
35. 4:16ugly names. And that was to show, you know,  again, you don't mess around with the clan. Um,
36. 4:23and that and that's what I did. And so within  4 weeks of my arrival in the Netherlands, the
37. 4:30Dutch government gave me a refugee status, which  is a permanent status, and I never looked back.
38. 4:39And so in 2002, I remember thinking about it very  seriously and concluding I'm not a Muslim. And
39. 4:49there was a big fallout with my family, with  my clan, with fellow Muslims, not just in the
40. 4:57Netherlands, but beyond. Of all the big bad,  you know, stuff that I have supposedly done,
41. 5:06that's the worst. That's the one thing even  your clan members cannot forgive you. Worse,
42. 5:11it's your clan members who are supposed to punish  you for this. So when it became public that I was
43. 5:20no longer a Muslim, but I also openly criticized  Islam, Islam's treatment of women, terrorism,
44. 5:27etc. These people went to my father and they said,  "You are going to do something about this or we
45. 5:34will do something about it." In other words,  you are going to kill her or we will kill her.
46. 5:44The first series of threats against my life  that was issued by Islamists was in 2001 2002
47. 5:55and that's only because I think on a television  interview I blurted out that I was not a Muslim
48. 6:03and then I remained in public critical of Islam  and that is the first series of threats and by
49. 6:11October of 2002 this all these people going to  my father all of this tension building up like
50. 6:18she's next in 2003 the discussion about Islam and  women and the Muslim women in Holland and the way
51. 6:29they are treated and how they're subjected to  female generally mutilation and honor killings
52. 6:35and they are locked up and they're removed from  school and they're sent off to the country of
53. 6:39origin and we never know what happens to them?  Their passwords are taken away. They're forced
54. 6:44into marriage where all of these violations were  ongoing and I was at the center, the heart of it
55. 6:51all. So I came up with this art project in my  head. What I wanted to do was to take the most
56. 6:58relevant verses in the Quran, pull them out, the  one that says beat her, fogg her, execute her,
57. 7:04etc. for trying to inter marriage and have them  written on mannequins on models that were the form
58. 7:10of women and then I wanted that displayed in one  of the national museums in the Hague. I don't know
59. 7:17how I got introduced to Theo Fungo. Theop Fungo  was a very famous and to some people infamous
60. 7:26Dutch film director and he said why don't you  bring the idea to me? We're not going to use dolls
61. 7:33is what he called the mannequins. We're going to  use actual human beings, actresses, and you just
62. 7:41write the script and I'll film and direct it. This  was was aired in August of 2004. And in November,
63. 7:51on the 2nd of November of 2004, it was a Tuesday  morning, Theo was going to work. The murderer had
64. 8:01a gun, had knives, was on a bicycle, chased Theo  Fungo, shot him. Theo crossed the road. All the
65. 8:09while telling him, "Can't we talk about this?"  Which that sentence everyone agreed captured
66. 8:15again this clash of civilizations or cultures,  the uncompromising nature of Islam. And this
67. 8:24let's talk about things. will find some middle  ground. And they left a note on his body. For me,
68. 8:32the note is really a fatwa because it basically  reads it's you you did this, you did this, you did
69. 8:38this and for these activities, this is the penalty  on it and it shall happen to you. That was the way
70. 8:45he had structured it as a fatwa. So that is the  Yeah, that's the tragedy that ended Theo's life.
71. 9:04and I've put myself in this terrible position  and I was really really afraid and I just had
72. 9:11this fire hose of negative thoughts churning  in my head not letting up. In the meantime,
73. 9:19the FBI is coming every so often to say there's  this active plot against your life and there's
74. 9:23this active plot against your life. And  I was medicating these thoughts through
75. 9:32drinking. It was a glass of wine. It was two  glasses of wine. But just to get to the level,
76. 9:38same level of comfort and of relaxation, I would  need more and more of it. Long story short,
77. 9:45I was really turning into an alcoholic. I was  coming to depend on alcohol. I agreed to go to a
78. 9:52rehab center. When I get there and I talk to this  wonderful therapist, she says, "I really think
79. 9:59what you're going through is spiritual emptiness.  It's spiritual bankruptcy. And sooner or later,
80. 10:07you're going to have to figure out what you're  going to do about it." and she gives me a menu
81. 10:13of choice of all the spiritual options. So when  she says, "You're spiritually bankrupt." I'm in
82. 10:22a place where I think, well, I left Islam. I'm  not going to be a Muslim again. And I told her,
83. 10:32I'm an atheist. I'm an activist atheist. like I've  literally spoken to rooms full of people telling
84. 10:38them all about the negative side of religion  and and so she says this is up to you but what
85. 10:43I would suggest is maybe just a few exercises  we do together where you put down if God existed
86. 10:50what would be his qualities in that process prayer  writing down the qualities of God it just strikes
87. 10:58me this is this is Christianity the figure I'm  describing is the figure of Jesus Christ. It's
88. 11:05the teachings of Jesus Christ. Then I decide I  am going to pray to Christ and something clicked
89. 11:13and I felt connected and I felt as if someone was  listening to my prayers. I can't explain it but it
90. 11:23is I'm I've never been more sure about something  in my life than this moment. And I haven't touched
91. 11:30a drink since. But more importantly, I haven't had  those thoughts since. And I felt reconnected with
92. 11:39my husband, reconnected with my children, with my  friends. I've never been more productive. Life is
93. 11:45so good. And it's a miracle. I I don't know how  to explain it other than to say it is real for me.
94. 11:59When I joined the Muslim Brotherhood, meaning when  the Muslim Brotherhood came into our neighborhood,
95. 12:04they were saying, "You can't just be a Muslim."  Like, you have to understand what you're doing.
96. 12:09So, you have to know exactly who the Prophet  Muhammad was and what he said. And the closer
97. 12:16you get to Muhammad and who he really was, the  more repugnant the figure of Muhammad gets.
98. 12:25So I don't see him as morally infallible. I see  him as exactly the opposite. The closer you get to
99. 12:35the persona of Jesus, the things that he said and  the things that he did, the more attractive it is,
100. 12:42the more appealing it is. Islam means submission  to the will of God. And that submission is a
101. 12:52relationship that's based on power. and pride  and power in this case is unchecked power. It's
102. 13:01absolute power. And then in Christianity, the way  I experience my relationship with God, it is to
103. 13:10surrender to God's commands. And it's to surrender  to God's love. And when you put that in practice,
104. 13:17it means to free yourself from the impulses and  urges that make you into what you are. All my
105. 13:25life I craved freedom and I craved love and  I in now in Jesus Christ I have found both.
106. 13:36The calling of God for me perhaps is to warn my  fellow westerners of the false romantics of the
107. 13:49tribe. The tribal mindset and that tribal  mindset can be the bloodline or it can be
108. 13:58political faction. It can be communism, it can be  Islamism. Um, but all of these collective stories
109. 14:08of utopia have a way of ending in tyranny, in  anarchy, and in bloodshed. It's a standalone truth
110. 14:18that when Western civilization turns her back on  those biblical foundations, then she declines.