From Bad to Worse: LA Stories That Will Blow Your Mind (Pt. 1)| Adam Carolla | COMEDY | Rubin Report — Transcript

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1. 0:00if you're wired the way i'm wired and
2. 0:03you're very mechanical and pragmatic it
3. 0:06does
4. 0:07make
5. 0:08no sense to you know
6. 0:11you
7. 0:11you turn on the tv in the
8. 0:14los angeles um commissioner's board or
9. 0:18the la council committee or whatever
10. 0:20is
11. 0:21seven insane women in their mid-sixties
12. 0:24wearing masks on zoom calls
13. 0:27talking about you know re-masking the
14. 0:30kids before we open the schools and
15. 0:33comparing wearing a mask to wearing
16. 0:36shoes you don't think wearing shoes is
17. 0:38restrictive it's more restrictive than
18. 0:40wearing a mask like
19. 0:42just insane middle-aged cows
20. 0:44setting policy so yes it is it is a i
21. 0:48for a guy like me i would i would like
22. 0:51somebody with some experience in the
23. 0:53private sector
24. 0:54making normal decisions for the citizens
25. 1:05i'm dave rubin and as you guys know i am
26. 1:08off the grid for august in an
27. 1:10undisclosed location but we went ahead
28. 1:13and pre-taped some incredible fabulous
29. 1:16wonderful groundbreaking interviews for
30. 1:18you in july and joining me today is the
31. 1:22host of the adam corolla show and the
32. 1:24author of many books i believe this is
33. 1:26his sixth but his newest book right here
34. 1:28in my hand everything reminds me of
35. 1:30something advice answers but no
36. 1:33apologies adam carolla welcome back to
37. 1:35the reuben report always good to see you
38. 1:38dave corolla uh i have to have a little
39. 1:42maya culpa up top here i'm off the grid
40. 1:44right now and as i'm interviewing you
41. 1:46just a few days before the end of july i
42. 1:49have not read the book yet because i'm
43. 1:50going to read it in august but is it
44. 1:53fair to say this is your best work ever
45. 1:56no
46. 1:57but
47. 1:58it's up there
48. 2:00and you know you have to understand my
49. 2:02best work ever is pretty damn funny
50. 2:04this is pretty damn funny too i it's
51. 2:06it's really hard to kind of rank them
52. 2:11people like in 50 years will all be
53. 2:13chicks you know and they like not taco
54. 2:15bell material but
55. 2:17you know i it's hard for me to do it but
56. 2:20if you go on uh amazon it had a 4.8 it
57. 2:24toggles between like a 4.7 star and a
58. 2:284.8 star my other books are
59. 2:31four five four six you know so it's uh
60. 2:35yeah it arguably is ranked a little a
61. 2:38little higher review-wise
62. 2:40but uh it's it's up there everything's
63. 2:42above a 4.5
64. 2:45i think what you're really trying to say
65. 2:46is that your best work does involve a
66. 2:48trampoline is that what you're really
67. 2:49saying that's there and it's all in the
68. 2:51rearview mirror
69. 2:55speaking of the rear view mirror uh i
70. 2:58don't see you in person anymore because
71. 2:59i left california in the rear view
72. 3:02mirror you're still there you're on the
73. 3:03short list of sane people how's it going
74. 3:05over there you all right do you need any
75. 3:07money or help what can i do for you
76. 3:11it's uh not good you know um i know
77. 3:16people always kind of talk about the
78. 3:18grid and wildfires and you know
79. 3:21homelessness and
80. 3:23and uh
81. 3:24drug trafficking and uh crime street
82. 3:27crime and everything but i i will sort
83. 3:29of paint you a a picture of how la and
84. 3:33california is doing
85. 3:35we tried to open a bridge in la like two
86. 3:39weeks ago and it had to be closed down
87. 3:42because too much
88. 3:45street racing too many
89. 3:47people climbing it and threatening to
90. 3:50jump off too much graffiti there we
91. 3:52literally attempted to open a bridge
92. 3:56in the middle of la
93. 3:58to the tune of 600 million dollars
94. 4:01and two weeks after it was opened it's
95. 4:04now closed
96. 4:06because
97. 4:07the people
98. 4:08could not
99. 4:10figure out a way to walk across it
100. 4:12without tagging it threatening to jump
101. 4:14off or or shivving somebody with a shank
102. 4:18that's so you're saying i made the right
103. 4:19decision is that what you're telling me
104. 4:22i i think so i mean you have bridges in
105. 4:25florida and they're mostly open seem
106. 4:28fine to me
107. 4:29from what i can talk you're gonna get a
108. 4:31gator under them every now and again but
109. 4:33they're functioning and uh you just go
110. 4:35to the other side
111. 4:36and it's humid they're talking okay
112. 4:38we're talking about putting speed bumps
113. 4:41in this bridge
114. 4:42and putting a medium in the middle of it
115. 4:45because people can't stop from doing
116. 4:47donuts in the middle of the bridge
117. 4:50i feel like the nonsense of la and
118. 4:52california must be particularly hard for
119. 4:55a guy like you because if when i think
120. 4:58of you first you're very functional you
121. 5:00like things that work you're a
122. 5:02contractor you like things that make
123. 5:04sense
124. 5:05and yet you live in a place where
125. 5:07nothing makes sense have you thought
126. 5:08about that spiritually
127. 5:12yeah if you're wired the way i'm wired
128. 5:15and you're very mechanical and pragmatic
129. 5:18it does
130. 5:19make
131. 5:20no sense to you know
132. 5:23you
133. 5:24you turn on the tv in the
134. 5:26los angeles um
135. 5:29commissioner's board or the la council
136. 5:31committee or whatever
137. 5:33is
138. 5:34seven insane women in their mid 60s
139. 5:37wearing masks on zoom calls
140. 5:40talking about you know re-masking the
141. 5:43kids before we open the schools and
142. 5:46comparing wearing a mask to wearing
143. 5:48shoes you don't think wearing shoes is
144. 5:50restrictive it's more restrictive than
145. 5:52wearing a mask like
146. 5:54just insane middle-aged cows setting
147. 5:57policy so yes it is it is a i for a guy
148. 6:01like me i would i would like somebody
149. 6:04with some experience in the private
150. 6:06sector
151. 6:07making normal decisions for the citizens
152. 6:11it's like it's like being in a city run
153. 6:13by the ladies of the view i really don't
154. 6:15know how you do it anymore yeah honestly
155. 6:18exactly that's exactly what it is this
156. 6:20is exactly what it is it's just an
157. 6:23insane
158. 6:24um
159. 6:25cadre
160. 6:27of yentas who have feelings about
161. 6:30wearing masks and have you know it's
162. 6:33like rachelle wilinski head of the cdc
163. 6:35when she was up there like i'm speaking
164. 6:37as a mother i have a bad feeling like no
165. 6:40one gives a about your feelings
166. 6:42witch just make some policy would you i
167. 6:45don't care that look out all right i'll
168. 6:47tell you what i'm a dad
169. 6:50and i got a bad feeling that the schools
170. 6:51are going to be closed and that my son's
171. 6:53going to have to wear a mask for no
172. 6:54reason so are we even now
173. 6:56in the feelings department
174. 6:59i feel like you just gave ben shapiro a
175. 7:01great idea for his next book no one
176. 7:03gives a about your feelings witch
177. 7:06that feels like you could co-write that
178. 7:08with him i think
179. 7:09i'd love it
180. 7:11so uh i believe because i do do my
181. 7:13research although i said i i'm going to
182. 7:15read this thing in august i believe in
183. 7:16chapter four you say you're going to
184. 7:18stay till your kids are out of high
185. 7:19school and then you're going to get the
186. 7:20hell out is that is that really the plan
187. 7:24oh yeah you have to you can't
188. 7:27run a business or you know try to
189. 7:29function in la or california
190. 7:33any other way i mean i guess
191. 7:35you could work for the tsa
192. 7:37i imagine and stay in california but
193. 7:40you can't practically do it if you're
194. 7:42trying to
195. 7:43run a run a business so yes i would have
196. 7:45to leave
197. 7:47speaking of the craziness of the world
198. 7:50uh as we're recording this right now it
199. 7:52sounds like we're in a recession as of
200. 7:54this morning on july 28th we are in a
201. 7:57recession although uh they have thus
202. 8:00changed the definition of recession in
203. 8:02real time and edited on wikipedia um
204. 8:05things don't seem to be going very well
205. 8:08did they edit it on wikipedia there's
206. 8:11been 30 as of today there's been 37
207. 8:14edits on the official recession page on
208. 8:18wikipedia but you can see it all over on
209. 8:20cnn everybody's editing you know they're
210. 8:22just a recession isn't too
211. 8:24consecutive quarters of gdp going down
212. 8:27now it also there's other factors and
213. 8:30and the feelings thing and all that
214. 8:33yeah it's it's really interesting
215. 8:36i always think about kamala harris
216. 8:39talking to lester holt about the border
217. 8:42and he's like have you been to the
218. 8:44border and she's like oh uh well
219. 8:47yeah we've been to the border
220. 8:49you've been to the border we have and
221. 8:51then he goes
222. 8:53but have you been to the border and
223. 8:55she's like
224. 8:56i haven't been to europe what are we
225. 8:58talking about
226. 8:59the most interesting thing about that
227. 9:01exchange is not her sort of lying
228. 9:05it's her at the end she goes
229. 9:07i i don't know what you're asking like
230. 9:11you don't know what i'm asking you
231. 9:13you're the borders are
232. 9:15let's just say you're the queen of the
233. 9:17mardi gras parade
234. 9:18and i said have you been to mardi gras
235. 9:22would you be confused and go i don't
236. 9:24know what you i don't know what you're
237. 9:25asking or
238. 9:27that's the craziest part about
239. 9:29this sort of new world order which is
240. 9:32like this weird semantic overload thing
241. 9:34where we just get bogged down and what
242. 9:36what is a recession what's a border i
243. 9:39don't know it's it's all invisible we
244. 9:42can't define what's a woman i i can't
245. 9:44exactly so it's not definable so how are
246. 9:46we gonna i mean it's like it's like you
247. 9:48go in like when you're in the sixth
248. 9:50grade and you're like you you go in and
249. 9:52teachers like did you bring your
250. 9:54homework and you went
251. 9:56what's homework
252. 9:58uh it's the assignment that was assigned
253. 10:00to you when you left on friday i don't
254. 10:02know what that yes there i have seen
255. 10:03homework if that's what you're asking
256. 10:06like it's just weird circle talk
257. 10:10and it's by the way
258. 10:11uh you dodged a bullet because you're
259. 10:13gay but uh when you argue with women
260. 10:16that's how you argue you start to talk
261. 10:18about things
262. 10:20you don't even know what you're talking
263. 10:22about anymore
264. 10:23and and that's kind of the new world
265. 10:25order what what is a recession i don't
266. 10:27know here's how i define it if you're
267. 10:29looking for more honest and thoughtful
268. 10:31conversations about comedy instead of
269. 10:33the non-stop yelling you get everywhere
270. 10:35else check out our comedy playlist and
271. 10:37if you want to watch full interviews on
272. 10:38a variety of topics check out our full
273. 10:41episode playlist they're both right over
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