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Focus on Yourself: Do THIS Before 2026 Ends to Get Back on Track with Eric Thomas — Transcript

by Mel Robbins · 11,485 words · 1,639 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00In 52 days, everything could change.
0:04>> Today on the Mel Robbins podcast,
0:05[music]
0:06the one, the only Dr. Eric Thomas.
0:11>> You have [music] more control
0:13than you think you have.
0:15>> For somebody who's feeling exhausted,
0:17[music] discouraged, they just want the
0:18year to be over, what do you want to say
0:21to that person?
0:22>> You are the greatest common denominator.
0:25Life is not about proving they're wrong.
0:27Life is about making things right for
0:30you. I'm daring somebody today to let
0:32the best version of you take over. 52
0:35days. Isn't it exciting? Let's go.
0:45>> [music]
0:48>> Dr. Eric Thomas, welcome to the Mel
0:50Robbins podcast.
0:51>> Thank you for having me, Mel. And how
0:53you feeling?
0:53>> I feel fantastic cuz you're here.
0:55>> Thank you. And I feel the same way
0:57because you're over there and I'm here.
0:59So, thank [laughter] you. Something
1:00magical is going to happen.
1:01>> Magical. Um, you know, you say that you
1:05can change your life in 52 days. When
1:07this conversation
1:09airs, there will be 52 days left this
1:12year.
1:13I would love to have you explain to the
1:15person who is listening right now how
1:17much could change about their life in 52
1:20days.
1:20>> Everything Everything could change. In
1:2252 days, everything could change. And
1:26more importantly, everything you want to
1:29change can change in 52 days. You can
1:32end this year better than you've ever
1:35ended a year, and you could start the
1:38new year better than you started any
1:41year. It's up to you. You have the
1:44power. You literally have control. I'm
1:47telling you everything you want,
1:48everything you want to be, everything
1:50you want to do can happen in 52 days.
1:54So, do me a huge favor. You got to
1:57finish strong, all right? So, we got 52
2:00days to make the rest of our lives the
2:04best of our lives. 52 days.
2:07ISN'T THAT EXCITING? LET'S GO.
2:09>> I think it's really exciting because
2:11even if you're listening to this, you
2:13know, in the future, you can take on
2:16you're going to teach us how to do this
2:17a 52-day challenge. Now, tell me the
2:20origin of 52 days for you.
2:22>> This was a tough year for a lot of
2:24people.
2:24>> Yeah.
2:25>> This was a tough year. You know, this
2:27was one of those years where, you know,
2:29people just felt that they were their
2:30best self. They didn't feel, you know,
2:33their community, the gas prices, the
2:35groceries. Like, this was just a tough
2:37and you got to understand, I'm in
2:38Michigan. So, Michigan is like blue
2:41collar. You know, this is blue collar.
2:43It's like people rely on um the
2:46industry. It just was a tough year.
2:48People weren't where they were used to
2:50being. I said to myself, "Okay, you got
2:53to help them. You know, you got you got
2:55to give them hope." Right? Because when
2:57people start to lose hope and people
2:59start to lose faith, they become an
3:02uglier version of themselves and they
3:03start behaving in a way that's just not
3:06healthy and they can't get to their
3:07expected outcomes. And so, I was just
3:10sitting there and I was just praying. I
3:11was like, "Okay, okay, what story can I
3:12tell?" And I remember my boy Linton, he
3:14ran a prayer group and in the prayer
3:17group, he talked about Nehemiah and how
3:19in that particular time of that region,
3:21the the wall was torn down for like a
3:23hundred and something years, 140 years.
3:26And they rebuilt it in 52 days. And I
3:27was like, "Yo, I need that story right
3:29now." because people have been going
3:31through it 365 days or however many days
3:33they've been going through it. And I was
3:34like, "Yo, what can I say?" And you know
3:36what was so crazy? This is the first
3:38time and people said to me, "Eric, you
3:40have never done anything before where
3:42you made it easy for us.
3:44Like, you've never done that. That That
3:46was like, "This isn't you." Like, you're
3:47the grind. You're the get up, don't
3:50sleep guy. This is the very first time
3:52you ever told us
3:54where I'm not asking you to get to a
3:56place you've never been. I'm just asking
3:58you to get back to your best self. Like,
4:00whatever that was in 1990, 2001, 2005.
4:04Like I just want you to get back to the
4:06time where you woke up and you were
4:08excited about life. That you were
4:10excited about your family, you're
4:11excited about your your opportunity. And
4:13so I was like, let's just get back to
4:14that and and let's let's do it in 52
4:16days. Let's not try to do it in 7 days,
4:18let's not try to do it in 14 days. Let's
4:19do it Let's do it in 52 days. Take our
4:21time. Whatever you can do, just do that.
4:24And when I started telling people to do
4:25it and I started to see people light up
4:28and I started to hope coming back and
4:29the joy coming back. I was like, that's
4:31it. Don't focus on the 140 years where
4:35the wall's been down. Let's focus one
4:37day at a time that by the end of these
4:3952 days, less than 2 months, we can feel
4:42good again. And then once we feel good,
4:44then we can go after it. What What Once
4:46there's hope, then we got But let's not
4:48try to tackle everything at one time.
4:49Let's just get our hope back. Let's get
4:51our dream back. Let's get clarity back.
4:53Let's get a sense of direction back.
4:54>> Well, you know, I'm so excited to talk
4:56to you because you are one of the most
4:59inspiring
5:00and empowering. You are like human
5:04rocket fuel.
5:06And it's infectious. And when I thought
5:08about when this episode was going to
5:11release,
5:13I looked at the calendar and I was like,
5:14wow, when we're dropping this episode,
5:16there's 52 days left in the year.
5:19>> Wow.
5:19>> And so our amazing producer Amy, who is
5:22working on this episode Yeah, amazing
5:25Amy, called you and said, okay, I want
5:27to get you in the mindset, Dr. Thomas,
5:29that there's going to be 52 days left in
5:32the year when this episode goes live and
5:34you're like, wait a minute, 52. Are you
5:35kidding me with the 52? But 52 has a
5:38personal meaning for you. So explain why
5:4052 matters.
5:41>> Well, first of all, 52 matters because I
5:43just did it.
5:44>> What do you mean you just did it?
5:45>> I just went through a 52-day
5:49personal challenge. Now, I'll be honest,
5:52I did a 52-day challenge with everybody
5:54in my ecosystem, but before
5:58I asked them to do 52, I did 52. And I
6:01did 52 do I looked at my life and I said
6:04of the five pillars, four of them you're
6:07dominating but one you suck in. One you
6:11you you've lost. One is embarrassing.
6:14And so I said E, you got to take the
6:16principles from the other four and you
6:18got to bring that you got to bring that
6:20fifth one up. And so for 52 days mine
6:22was health. Now we'll talk about weight
6:25but it really wasn't about losing 30 lb.
6:28It was about
6:30pre-diabetes. It was about
6:32pre-hypertension. It was about mild
6:34sleep apnea. It was like E, where how
6:37could this happen to you? How did you
6:39get here? I woke up one day Mel was like
6:42E T? Like how did you get here? You
6:45wouldn't think Eric come on the hip hop
6:47preacher. And so it was an area where I
6:50was failing, where I was losing and I
6:52shouldn't be losing. And I was like you
6:55got to do something about it. And I
6:56decided before I brought the community
6:59in, I decided that Eric, you need to do
7:01it first to see if it really works.
7:03>> So let's go right to what happened
7:06because you and your wife Deidra had
7:08something to do with this but I want you
7:09to share for the person listening kind
7:12of that moment where you're like, oh my
7:14god, like this weight's embarrassing.
7:17>> I started with a goal that I was going
7:19to lose 20 something pounds and I was
7:21going to get well it was about 25 30 and
7:23I was like I got to get back to that
7:25like 215. And it was funny I was the
7:27book Greatness Is Upon You that I I
7:29wrote I looked at the book and I looked
7:31at that guy and I was like I had like
7:33the weight that that guy I liked the
7:35size of that guy but I hadn't been him
7:36in four or five years and I just kept
7:39saying to myself he's you're never going
7:41to get back to that. You're never going
7:42to get back to that. And one day I woke
7:44up this year and I said, you know what?
7:46You owe it to yourself to get back. And
7:48here's the cool thing about the 52 days.
7:50I wasn't trying to do something that I
7:53had never done before. I was just trying
7:55to get back to the best that I've ever
7:57been before. That and and that was
7:59different for me because before it was
8:01like, you know, I you know, work hard
8:03and grind and I was like no E, don't do
8:05that. Just get back to the best version
8:07you've ever been. And I was like 215
8:09lbs. And so I made a commitment to
8:10myself in 52 days I'm going to make the
8:15sacrifice. I'm going to make the
8:16commitment and I'm going to get back to
8:17that guy. And I remember the first 10
8:21days, uh my boy is like, "Get on the
8:23scale." I said, "I'm not." He said, "Get
8:25on the scale." I said, "No." He said,
8:26"Why won't you get on the scale?" I
8:28said, "Cuz I don't want to see if it's
8:29working or not."
8:31I I because if I get on the scale and
8:32I'm not where I want to be, I'm I'm I'm
8:34going to stop. I'm going to be
8:36discouraged. I'm going to quit. He said,
8:37"No, get on the scale." And I got on the
8:39scale and I had only lost 3 lbs and like
8:4210
8:43days, 14 days. And it was like, "No, no,
8:45no, no, no, no."
8:46"E, you can do it, but whatever you're
8:48doing is not working." And I'm telling
8:49you, I changed my diet, I changed my
8:51mindset, I got on the treadmill, I was
8:54doing resistance, I was in the sauna.
8:57And in 52 days, and it was so funny,
9:00man. I remember the the the uh the suit
9:03that I wore when me and DD did our 21st
9:05year uh vow renewal. And I put it on,
9:08couldn't fit it. Couldn't put it on,
9:10couldn't fit it. Every day I would put
9:10it on. And then one day I could button
9:12it. And then one day I could button it
9:14with a shirt on. And then one day it
9:17fit. And then one day I had room. So I'm
9:18saying, in 52 days, if you make the
9:22commitment, you can change. And so for
9:23me, it wasn't about anything but getting
9:26back to my best self. So I did it. I
9:29lost the weight, I put the clothes back
9:31on, I started grabbing outfits that I
9:33couldn't wear in three or four years.
9:34And it just felt so good to make a
9:37commitment to myself and keep it. I've
9:39done it before. I've made a promise to
9:41myself before that I didn't keep. This
9:42was the first time that I made the
9:44promise and I kept the promise. I don't
9:46know if it was the weight or if it was
9:48the promise I kept to myself. But in 52
9:50days, I got back in that large uh when
9:53you want to succeed as bad as you want
9:55to breathe shirt, and it felt
9:56phenomenal. And let me tell you what was
9:58the most exciting thing, rewarding thing
10:00about the 52 days. My mother called me
10:02every day and was like, "Son, I'm doing
10:04the 52-day challenge."
10:06And my mother was having this like
10:08overthinking thing. You know, my mother
10:11was in a funk, you know, my mother
10:13wasn't like her best self, like the
10:15mother that I knew growing up working at
10:17Ford and you know, doing her thing and
10:19and my mom called me and was like, "Son,
10:21I got it, son." She like had a aha
10:23moment. So, for me it was like, "Yo, I
10:25changed in the 52 days, but my mom like
10:28my mom knows me inside and out." Like
10:30it's nothing I can say to my mom that's
10:31going to be like, "Oh, that's
10:32inspirational. Oh, that's I've never
10:33heard you say that before." But the 52
10:35days she said, "Son, you gave me a North
10:37Star."
10:38Like I I for whatever reason I retired
10:41and I didn't have a North Star. I I
10:43wasn't waking up with a sense of
10:44purpose. I I did My mom said I lost my
10:47identity and these 52 days gave me
10:50something to wake up for, something to
10:53go get, something to go to bed at night
10:55for. And not only can we end strong, we
10:58can actually start 2027
11:00in a way that we've never started a year
11:02before.
11:02>> That's so true and there are seven
11:04>> Yeah.
11:05>> 52-day blocks in a year.
11:07>> Now, stop and think about how crazy that
11:09is because there's seven days in a week.
11:11>> Yes.
11:11>> There's 52 weeks in a year.
11:13>> Yes.
11:14>> And there's seven of those blocks
11:17in the year.
11:18>> So, no matter when you're hearing this,
11:20there is an opportunity for you to
11:24experience a whole different version of
11:26you
11:27>> in a matter of 52 days.
11:30>> And so, I'm giving you something that I
11:31physically did, that my mother did and I
11:33know if you do the 52 days, you're going
11:35to end this year off feeling so good
11:37about yourself. And when you feel good
11:40ending a year, you're going to go into
11:42the next year in a way you've never gone
11:43into a year before.
11:44>> We are going to unpack
11:46>> Yeah.
11:46>> specifically
11:48how to set up the 52 days
11:51>> for sure. But where I really want to
11:53hover for just a minute with you because
11:55you said something that struck me. So,
11:57for the person that's feeling
11:59overwhelmed and exhausted because how
12:00could you not with the state of the
12:02world? How could you not with the what's
12:04going on in your neighborhood? How could
12:06you not given that you probably have a
12:08family member that's struggling, you
12:10might be struggling financially
12:12or maybe you're just worried about
12:13things. There's so much out of people's
12:14control. For somebody who's feeling
12:16exhausted, discouraged, they just want
12:18the year to be over.
12:20What do you want to say to that person
12:22about how they're going to feel by the
12:23time we end this conversation?
12:26>> You know, I I want to say to them
12:29you have more control
12:32than you think you have.
12:34And here here's Okay, so Mel, here's the
12:35crazy part about the 52.
12:37The crazy part part about the 52 is for
12:40the first time in my life I saw
12:42while you've lost control in this area.
12:45>> Okay.
12:46>> There other areas you have control in.
12:48Borrow from the areas that you are in
12:51control. There were areas in my life
12:53that I had not lost control and I needed
12:56to borrow
12:57>> Mhm.
12:58>> from the strategies and the techniques
13:00and the skills I was using in areas that
13:02was working and bring it over. I'm going
13:04to tell you one thing, Mel, that that
13:06changed everything for me in terms of
13:07like you said, it wasn't about health.
13:09It was
13:10How did I lose control? When I was in my
13:1120s, I I wasn't going to the doctor and
13:14they were saying that. In my 30s, this
13:16is new to me. I've never been to the
13:17doctor before and the doctor told me
13:19that, you know, I I had blood high blood
13:21pressure and that I could stroke out.
13:22Like I'd never heard I'd never heard
13:24that language before. And so at first it
13:26was overwhelming until I said to myself
13:29from a speaking standpoint, Eric
13:32you have control. You're traveling the
13:34world. You I was outside the hotel and
13:37people was driving around stopping. ET,
13:39what are you doing on the street? Says
13:40I'm here TO SEE MEL.
13:42>> [laughter]
13:42>> I I GOT I GOT A PODCAST. AND SO but what
13:45I realized was in my health
13:48I was not intentional deliberate.
13:49>> Mhm.
13:50>> I did not have Diddy's on my schedule. I
13:52know exactly what time Diddy and I going
13:54to meet every day. I know for how long
13:56we're going to meet. I know how to get
13:57an A from Diddy. I know what a B is. I
13:59know what failing is like like I I I
14:01know. But in my health I never had
14:03working out on the schedule.
14:05I never had what are you eating? I never
14:08measured what I would eat when I would I
14:10I I didn't
14:11So so so for me it was no, this is going
14:13to be easy. Borrow from an area where
14:16you're already great, where you're
14:18already conquering, and just bring those
14:20same skill sets into a place where
14:22you've lost control. And when I start
14:24scheduling, when I stop compromising,
14:26when I stop negotiating, I said, "Look,
14:28you're going to work out every single
14:29day. It's not a It's not It's not
14:31optional. Like, you're going to get up
14:33and you're going to get up at 3:00, 4:00
14:34in the morning, and you're going to go
14:36get on the treadmill, and you're going
14:37to do resistance
14:37>> That sounds terrible.
14:38>> and you're going to sit in the sauna.
14:40Like, you're going to do that. And it's
14:41not It's non-negotiable. The same way
14:43you watch football every Sunday, the
14:45same way you sit down and watch Monday
14:47night football, you're going to take
14:49your health and you're going to put it
14:50in a category, and and you're going to
14:53watch it, and you're going to measure
14:54it, and then you're going to call your
14:55best friends, and you're going to tell
14:57them, "Hey, I'm working out today at
14:59this time. Call me to see if I really
15:00worked out. I'm going to send you
15:01pictures." And once I Once I start doing
15:04it, I got control back. And no, it
15:07wasn't visible until maybe the 48th day,
15:11but I got control back, man. As soon as
15:12I said, "This is what I'm going to do.
15:15I'm not taking no for an answer, and I'm
15:17going to conquer in this way." And I'm
15:18so excited because I use the same skills
15:21that I was using to win over here, I put
15:23them where I was losing, and guess what?
15:2552 days later, I start winning again.
15:27>> Well, and you can use the skills of
15:30getting your kids to daycare on time in
15:32order to be on time for yourself. You
15:34can, you know, use the skills of taking
15:36care of everybody else to start learning
15:38how to take care of yourself. And we're
15:41going to get to that, but I because the
15:43person who's listening may not know the
15:45gift
15:45>> Yes.
15:46>> that is Dr. Eric Thomas.
15:48>> Yes.
15:49>> When you talk about the fact that you
15:51can change your life with a decision,
15:54that you can change who you are, you
15:57really mean it. And one of the reasons
16:00why you mean it is because you yourself
16:04have been homeless. You yourself have
16:06been discouraged. You yourself have been
16:09in a place in life where there's every
16:11reason in the world to either quit
16:14>> Yeah.
16:14>> or to say, "I have screwed this up so
16:16much there's no turning back."
16:18>> Yeah. Can you put us at the moment that
16:20changed your life?
16:21>> So I'm going to sound like a weirdo when
16:23I say homelessness [snorts]
16:24was the best thing that ever happened to
16:25me.
16:25>> What do you mean by that?
16:26>> What I mean by that is before homeless,
16:30everybody else was the reason why my
16:33life was messed up. Like so I have I had
16:35mom like mom was like number one. It's
16:38like ma, I can't read, I can't write.
16:41Mom, uh um you know, I'm getting in
16:42trouble with the law. Mom, everything
16:45that's going wrong in my life is because
16:47you got pregnant as a teenager.
16:49Everything number two was my biological
16:51father. I had him right under mom. He
16:53probably was number one, but because he
16:55wasn't around, I didn't get to blame him
16:56as much, but I got to just mom throw
16:58darts at mom, make every excuse,
17:01everything that ever gone wrong, mom,
17:02mom, mom, dad, dad, dad. And and and
17:05Mel, this is crazy. I was probably 16,
17:08maybe I could have been 17 cuz I was
17:10working at McDonald's on Fenkell and
17:12Wyoming in Detroit. And uh we got pulled
17:14over by the police. It was probably
17:16about
17:174:00 or 5:00 in the morning. My boy had
17:20stolen Well, I don't know if you want to
17:22call it steal, but he was into some
17:23activities where the person didn't pay,
17:25and so he kept their vehicle. And so I'm
17:27in the car with him, and um we got
17:29pulled over by the police. I tried to
17:31explain to police I had nothing to do
17:32with any of this, nothing to do with the
17:34stuff in the car, nothing to do with the
17:35stolen car. Like I got on a McDonald's
17:37outfit. What do you
17:38He didn't believe me, so we went to
17:39jail. And it was in jail. I was by
17:43myself, and it hit me, Mel, your mom's
17:46not in prison
17:48or in jail. Your dad's not in jail. Your
17:50mom's somewhere going to work. Your
17:51dad's somewhere in Chicago going to
17:53work. You're You're homeless and you're
17:55in jail. And that was the day I realized
17:58my mom doesn't know the police officer
18:01who pulled me over. The police officer
18:02doesn't know my counselor who kicked me
18:04out of school. The counselor doesn't
18:06know my
18:07I I could go And I was like, Eric, who's
18:09the common denominator? And I said, Eric
18:11Thomas is And so that was the first time
18:14I was by myself, and I couldn't point at
18:17my mom, and I couldn't point at my dad,
18:18and I couldn't point at where I was
18:20born. And I couldn't point and it was
18:22like, Eric, you know everybody in the
18:24story, but everybody in the story
18:26doesn't know each other like you are the
18:28greatest common denominator. And it was
18:30at that point that I realized where your
18:32focus goes, your energy flows. Your
18:35focus has been on your mom. That's why
18:36your life hasn't changed. Your focus has
18:38been on your dad. That's why your life
18:40hasn't changed. Eric, your focus not
18:42needs to be on you. What are your
18:43strengths
18:45and what are your limitations and how do
18:47you fix them? Because again, now you can
18:50easily say I'm homeless because it is.
18:52You can say every reason why you're in
18:54the state you're in. It's not going to
18:56get you out of the state. And I was
18:58like, Eric, I don't want to be homeless
18:59for the rest of my life. I don't want to
19:01be 30 homeless. I don't want to be 30
19:03broke. I don't want to be 30 in this
19:05environment where somebody's putting me
19:07and like you know what it feels like
19:08that somebody put handcuffs on you. You
19:10know what it's like for somebody to put
19:11you in the back of a car. You know what
19:12it's like to put some put you in jail
19:14and you got to eat the food and there's
19:15a toilet in the middle. This is the
19:17first time in my life. I was like, what
19:19did you do? How did you get yourself in
19:21this mess? And I heard something say,
19:23the same guy that got you in it can get
19:25you out of it. He's the same dude.
19:28You're okay. Don't it's don't be
19:29alarmed. Don't don't don't fear. The guy
19:32that got you in this, if his focus
19:34changes from mom, dad, the teacher, the
19:37school system, if his focus changes to
19:39Eric Thomas,
19:41you can get yourself out of this. And
19:42that was the day that I said, there's
19:44nothing I can do about
19:46where I am,
19:48but if they let me go
19:49and I don't know what happened, but my
19:51boy said he had nothing to do with the
19:53car. He had nothing to do with the
19:54substance in here. I just picked him up
19:56from and they let me go. And I love my
19:58mom cuz they called my mom and my mom
20:00said, I'm I'm definitely not bailing him
20:02out. I don't go to work every day to
20:04bail him out of jail. He's not He
20:05shouldn't even be in the situation. He
20:06comes from a good home. He shouldn't
20:08even be in it.
20:09I I don't know what he's going to do,
20:10but he's going to have to figure it out.
20:11And they let me go two and a half three
20:13days later and I walked out of there
20:15with no cab fare, no bus fare, but I
20:18walked out that day and I said, Eric,
20:20you owe you.
20:21You owe you to get yourself together and
20:24stop making these crazy decisions and
20:26stop blaming and being a victim and
20:28become a victor.
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21:31So let's unpack the blaming thing. So
21:33where your focus goes, your energy flows
21:36and a lot of people
21:38are spending a lot of time blaming,
21:41blaming the government, blaming the
21:43their past, blaming this, blaming that
21:44and look, there's lots of moments in
21:47life where someone else or something
21:49else is to blame and it's not fair and
21:52your point when you say you owe you is
21:56what?
21:56>> So so
21:59and I'm just saying this cuz I know
22:01somebody's listening you're like, "Eric,
22:02you don't know."
22:04And I don't. You're like, "You don't
22:06know what they did to me." And I don't.
22:08I know what they did to me.
22:10But here's the deal.
22:11If they were intentionally and
22:13deliberately trying to destroy me, I'm
22:16not going to give them fuel.
22:19So like if that was their whole point
22:20like we going to destroy you. Like we
22:22going to make sure you're not happy.
22:23We're going to make sure you're not
22:24successful. If that's what they were
22:26attempting to do, I'm not going to aid
22:29you in that. So, you're absolutely
22:30right. There are certain things that
22:32happened to me that should not have
22:34happened to me.
22:36But, at the end of the day, I've got to
22:39do what I need to do to make sure the
22:41story doesn't end with me going to jail.
22:44The story doesn't end with me being a
22:45high school dropout. Yes, you're right.
22:47They were wrong. But, life is not about
22:50proving they're wrong. Life is about
22:52making things right for you. And so, I
22:55could go on and on about who's wrong and
22:57how I got in the predicament I get in
22:59and whose fault it was. But, at the end
23:00of the day, I want to hold the power. I
23:04want to control my own life. And by
23:07making better decisions, I went from GED
23:09to PhD, from homeless to to owning real
23:12estate. And so, I'm saying to everybody
23:14that's out there, you're right. Which
23:15side do you want to look at? Do you want
23:17to look at the side that they were
23:18wrong? And guess what? You would be
23:20totally right to say they were wrong.
23:22You have every right to say what they
23:24did to you. You're right. I'm just
23:26saying you're giving them the control
23:27when you do that. And I want the power.
23:30I want to control. I made up in my mind
23:32that is not going to be my reality. So,
23:34do me a favor. You're right. You can
23:35talk about everything they did wrong, or
23:37you can look at your strengths, and you
23:38can look at your
23:40opportunities, and you can put all your
23:42energy in that, and you can sit
23:44somewhere different 52 days from now uh
23:4652 weeks from now 52 years from now. You
23:49could be in a better state. So, for me,
23:51absolutely, they're wrong, but I'm not
23:53going to focus on their wrong. I'm going
23:55to focus on my right.
23:56>> Well, you said something I want to make
23:57sure we take a giant highlighter.
24:00>> Because you said, "Even if
24:03somebody is treating you wrong,
24:04>> Yeah.
24:05>> I am not going to aid you
24:08in that."
24:08>> I'm not going to aid you.
24:09>> And it sent just a chill down my spine
24:13because I think about how much time I
24:16wasted
24:18being all upset and spending lots of
24:21time yep yep yep yep yep talking about
24:23how they wronged me and this that and
24:25the other. And when you do that,
24:28you are aiding them
24:30in the power that they have over you.
24:32And when you instead just start where
24:35you are and you say, you owe you.
24:39From this point forward, I can take
24:40responsibility and make a decision that
24:43where I'm at right now does not define
24:46where I'm going.
24:47When when you're in a moment in your
24:49life where there's so much out of your
24:50control,
24:51what can you actually control and where
24:55do you want the person who feels out of
24:56control right now to focus?
24:59>> Yeah, I say perspective and decisions.
25:01I feel like those two. So so I'm going
25:03to be honest.
25:04Before I made the change, mail to be to
25:08be totally transparent,
25:11I didn't want to do the work.
25:13>> [laughter]
25:14>> I'm
25:14Guys, I
25:16I'm I owe my mother such an apology. And
25:18you know, we talked. My mom said to me,
25:20um it's it's it's probably last year.
25:22Which you know, you know how it is, man.
25:23You open up and you start, you know, you
25:25do the therapy and just stuff comes out.
25:27My mom was like, "Yo, I was so hurt
25:30how how you framed me. Like the picture
25:33that you painted of me with everybody."
25:36And you know what? I did not want
25:38opportunities. I wanted attention. I
25:41wanted an audience.
25:42>> want opportunities. I wanted attention.
25:44>> I I didn't want to change. I didn't want
25:47better. I just wanted an audience. I
25:49just I just wanted a group of people to
25:51understand how much she hurt me.
25:54I don't even know if she hurt me the way
25:56I thought she hurt me. That's why I say
25:57you got to change your perspective. But
25:59I felt like she hurt me by not telling
26:01me who my biological father was. And I
26:03just wanted everybody to be on my side.
26:06I didn't want to change. I didn't want
26:07to grow. I just wanted everybody to say,
26:10"She was wrong and you're right." And as
26:13long as I was in that mental state, as
26:15long as that was my aim, that was my
26:17focus. Again, where your focus goes,
26:19your energy flows. So my focus was, she
26:22wronged me. My biological father, he
26:24wronged me. So nothing changed in my
26:25life. Nothing happened for me. No,
26:27actually it did. I got what I I
26:29I got attention. I didn't want growth. I
26:31didn't want change. I didn't want to be
26:32better. I just wanted to say, she did
26:35it, he did it, and if she didn't do it
26:36and he didn't do it, I wouldn't be where
26:38I am. And then what when I was in in in
26:40in jail and in homeless, homeless was
26:42beautiful cuz homeless I got to spend
26:44time alone.
26:45>> Huh.
26:46>> Here's the beautiful thing about
26:47homeless. I couldn't say it was my
26:49mother's fault anymore. Like I finally
26:50had my life in my hands and I kept
26:53messing up. I had my I got I got fired
26:56from McDonald's. It was the best job I
26:58ever had in my life. Now listen to me,
26:59McDonald's was great because I worked
27:01from 5:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. so I didn't
27:03have to have a hotel. I didn't have to
27:05have a place to stay. I was one of the
27:07best there. It was more than a job. It
27:09It was the to stay off the streets, to
27:12say I lost my job telling an elderly
27:14lady, I'll spit in your food.
27:17My manager said to me, Eric, you're the
27:19best that I have. I wouldn't I would let
27:22it go. I would just tell you don't ever
27:24do that again. But the owner told me I
27:26had to And when I when he I gave him my
27:29my ribbon and I turned in all my stuff
27:31and I walked away and I said, your mom
27:33didn't do this.
27:34Your biological father didn't tell
27:35nobody was going to spit in their food.
27:37You said you was going to spit in their
27:38food. You lost your job cuz of your
27:40mouth. You lost your job because you're
27:42hurt and you're taking that hurt
27:44everywhere you go and it doesn't matter
27:46if you go to college, it doesn't matter
27:47if you get another job. That hurt shows
27:50up everywhere you go and it destroys
27:52everything you do and that hurt is not
27:54your mother's hurt, it's not your That's
27:55your hurt. And so forget the audience.
27:57Forget if everybody claps and if
27:59everybody affirms you. So first of all,
28:00why do you want to be affirmed? Cuz my
28:02biological father wasn't in my life.
28:03Okay, deal with that. Say it out loud.
28:06Talk to your therapist. Your mom got you
28:07a therapist. You don't even want to talk
28:09to the therapist. Open your mouth and
28:10tell the therapist, I'm hurt. It It It
28:13It It pains me to see other kids
28:16at sporting events with their fathers.
28:18It hurts me to go to the parent-teacher
28:20conference and they have their
28:21biological father. It hurts to see the
28:23older males pictures of three
28:25generations and you don't have pictures
28:27with your biological father. You don't
28:28know who your grandpa Just say it hurts.
28:30But stop walking around masquerading
28:32like you're this tough guy. You're not
28:34fighting because you're tough, you're
28:35fighting because you're hurt. You're not
28:37hard because you you're hard? You're not
28:40hard, you're hurt. And so I had to say,
28:43"Eric, this has nothing to do with your
28:45mom. This pain has nothing to do with
28:47your dad. This is you. And you owe you
28:51to fix it, to be honest and transparent
28:55and fix it." And so 1,000% mail, that
28:58that was the thing that that I would say
29:00to somebody who's sitting here, you have
29:02control. Everything that is ailing you,
29:05you can deal with it, you could be
29:06transparent, you can get help. Or you
29:09can continue to blame. I'm telling you I
29:11blamed and it didn't bring me to it I
29:14didn't attract the male Robins in the
29:16world when I attracted the police
29:18officers and other people who weren't
29:21who didn't have a north star, who had no
29:22clarity, who were hurt.
29:24>> You're right. If you're focused on all
29:25the excuses, if you're focused on all
29:27the reasons, if you're focused on all
29:29the hurt in the past, if you're focused
29:31on the people that did you wrong,
29:33>> you literally attract more of that.
29:35>> Absolutely.
29:36>> When you focus on making a decision
29:39to change yourself because that's the
29:41only thing you can control,
29:43now your energy is moving in a forward
29:47positive direction and it starts to
29:48build. Was there a moment when you
29:52remember making a decision like this is
29:56the turning point? This is I am
29:58changing.
29:59>> Yeah. I I I remember
30:02it has nothing to do with church, but it
30:04has everything to do with an individual
30:06at church or individuals.
30:08And I was fortunate enough to at that
30:11time
30:12um
30:13be in the proximity of Didi who's now
30:16was my girlfriend, became my wife. And
30:19there were others
30:20there who were going to college. And
30:23Didi pulled me to the side. This is why
30:24proximity is so important.
30:26>> Huh.
30:26>> And I remember Didi saying, "Hey, I'm
30:28going to college. I would love to have
30:31you go with me, but if you don't, I'm
30:33leaving and I'm never coming back." And
30:35so it was the one positive place or
30:38thing in my life and I said, "Eric,
30:41you've messed everything up. You can't
30:42mess this up. Like you have one good
30:45thing going for you." And so for me it
30:46was just a moment of
30:48"Eric, this is the defining moment. You
30:50can keep going down the path you're
30:52going
30:53or you can take the help." And often
30:55times, Mel, the first greatest decision
30:58we can make is to say, "Help." It's not
31:01us doing anything. And that's why people
31:03get overwhelmed because they feel like
31:04the change that needs to be made, I have
31:06to make it. Mel, I didn't get here
31:09because I made all the right decisions
31:11and make I was with people who made good
31:13decisions. I was with people who had
31:16hope, who had clarity, who said, "Let us
31:18help you." And that was the first
31:20decision I made. I said, "Pastor, you
31:23know what? You've been talking about
31:24GED. You've been talking about night
31:26school. How do I sign up? Didi, you've
31:28been talking about me going to college
31:29and following you. I'm about to go to
31:31night school.
31:32Uh Bob, you've been talking about
31:34getting in this youth program and coming
31:36here regularly. You know what? I'm going
31:37to take advantage of these three great
31:39opportunities and those three turned
31:41into six and those six turned into 12
31:43and those 12 turned into 24 and then one
31:45day I woke up I was on the Mel Robbins
31:47podcast. [laughter]
31:49Come on, y'all. Come on.
31:51>> Well, well, you know what I love about
31:52you is first of all you're very lovable.
31:55Second, you're extremely smart. Third,
31:57you have just a gift with words.
32:00And
32:02because you've lived it.
32:03>> Yes.
32:04>> This is not something you've read in a
32:07book and you're just like spitting it
32:08back. This is the lessons and the truths
32:12that you have learned the hard way.
32:14And
32:16what's interesting is that you know how
32:19much work it takes to resist the
32:22positive. You know how much work it
32:24takes to
32:26make excuses and to blame everybody
32:30else. And it's kind of surprising when
32:33you make a decision that you want your
32:34life to feel better
32:36how when you're finally ready for that
32:39to happen
32:40it happens pretty quickly. You know, you
32:44say [clears throat] excuses soften the
32:45pain.
32:46>> Yeah.
32:47>> What does that mean?
32:48>> Excuses just make you feel so good, but
32:50here's the challenge. You still got to
32:53get up the next day with the
32:54consequences.
32:55You still got to get up the next day
32:57knowing that you blew it. You know, you
32:59still got to get up the next day knowing
33:02that nothing changes for you. And so,
33:04that's when I started realizing while
33:06excuses may feel good,
33:09they don't help. And and Mel, I want
33:12people to hear me. You got to hear this.
33:14The greatest error I've ever made in my
33:16life is me deciding to take the hand
33:20that was dealt to me
33:21and come up with all the negativity in
33:24the hand. I never saw the big Joker that
33:26was there. I have a gift I've been God
33:29gave me a gift. Like I've been speaking
33:31before I even knew what I had, I had it.
33:33I've always been a people person. I've
33:35always loved on people and took care of
33:37people. I've always been that person.
33:39I'm the oldest in my family. I've always
33:41took taken care of my sister. I've
33:43already taken care of everybody on the
33:43block, but I always looked at what I
33:46didn't have. And the day I started
33:48looking at that same hand, but seeing
33:51what I had and started playing what I
33:53had, oh, my whole life changed. I'm
33:56sorry, Mel. I said the same mother, the
33:58same father. I I didn't grow any taller
34:01as you could see.
34:03There was a lot like nothing like
34:05happened, but I changed what I was
34:08looking at and where my focus went.
34:11My energy started to go in there. Next
34:13thing I know, I'm with Didi. I got my
34:14GED. I'm with Didi in college. I married
34:17after our freshman year. We have a
34:18beautiful family. I started speaking. I
34:20become known in the city. I leave, go
34:23back to Michigan, get a master's, a PhD.
34:26>> [laughter]
34:26>> I become ET the Hip Hop Preacher. I just
34:29everything changed when one thing
34:31changed. I looked at my hand different
34:33than I looked at it before.
34:35>> Oh, so
34:37insanely powerful and true.
34:40Cuz if all you do is complain about the
34:42hand you've been dealt,
34:43>> Yeah.
34:44>> you will lose.
34:45>> You will lose.
34:45>> You will lose. But you can win with any
34:47hand.
34:48It's all how you play it.
34:49>> It's how [laughter] you play it, man.
34:51>> It's how you play it.
34:52>> Yeah, if you haven't played cards, you
34:53know what she's saying.
34:53>> if you're from Michigan, you play a lot
34:55of [laughter] cards.
34:56Yes. And so, that is a huge takeaway. I
35:01want you to grab that and stick that in
35:03your pocket and start doing that today.
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36:08You know,
36:09I knew you would convince us that you
36:11can change.
36:13And I want you to coach me and the
36:16person
36:18who is listening
36:20who is saying to themselves, "All right,
36:23Dr. Thomas, you convinced me.
36:25I do not want to stay where I am. I do
36:27not want to be this version of myself.
36:30There are things about my life I've been
36:31making excuses around, whether it's the
36:33job or the weight or the relationship or
36:36whatever it may be.
36:38What do we How do we apply this 52-day
36:41thing? Like, how do you How do you like
36:43pick something that you're going to
36:45shift for the positive
36:47and actually stick to it?
36:48>> So, I would say this first. I would just
36:50say, "Whatever you pick, we're going to
36:52walk through it."
36:52>> Walk me through it. Yes.
36:53>> Yeah, but but I I do want you to pick
36:55something that you're going to get the
36:56greatest return on your investment. So,
36:58I don't want you to pick something that,
37:00you know, it's going to change, but it's
37:02not going to do a lot for you.
37:03>> Mhm.
37:04>> So, so me
37:07changing high blood pressure, that's
37:09that's a great return on investment. Me
37:12losing 25 lb, great return on
37:14investment. Um not snoring, and so Diddy
37:17can get some sleep at night, right? Um
37:19not eating after 6:00 anymore. I was
37:22doing some intermittent fasting, and
37:23that was helping the body, right? So,
37:26blood pressure down, everything's going
37:28to be down. So, I want you to pick
37:30something that you can get a return on
37:32your investment. But, here's the first
37:33step I want you to take.
37:35And and nobody this Listen to me. Don't
37:37ask anybody because when you start
37:39getting people's opinions, it Don't do
37:41that. Don't ask anybody for permission.
37:43You don't need permission. But, let me
37:44tell you what the first thing I did. I
37:46took a picture of where I wanted to be,
37:49and I put it up.
37:50It's the first thing I want you to do.
37:52And do me a huge favor. I did not pick,
37:55you know, that picture the Michael B.
37:57Jordan in Creed 3.
37:59>> [laughter]
38:00>> Shout out to my boy Michael B. Jordan. I
38:01did not pick that picture and put that
38:03picture on the wall. I That's not I I
38:05just wanted a better uh dad bod.
38:09I literally picked the picture that I
38:11felt when I spoke
38:13in that season was the best version of
38:15Eric Thomas at that time. I didn't pick
38:17anything that would be overwhelming,
38:19that's out of reach. I didn't want to
38:21start in the deficit. Don't do that.
38:23Don't put $6 million. Don't don't do
38:25that.
38:26Put, "I don't want to be in debt." 52
38:29days later, I want my credit score to go
38:30from 559
38:32to 600, whatever. First thing I want you
38:35to do,
38:36where your focus goes, your energy
38:38flows. Most of you need a North Star.
38:40You just need some clarity in your life.
38:43You just need something to go to to to
38:44and wake up to. And so, for me it was
38:46like, Eric, this is actually
38:48embarrassing. To be 242 is actually
38:50embarrassing. Like, come on, Eric. To to
38:53to be the number one motivational
38:54speaker in the world, you know what I'm
38:55saying? To write a New York Times
38:57best-seller, to be in a blissful
38:58marriage, to do Eric, this does not even
39:01reflect you. This is embarrassing. Like,
39:04the one area in your life So, I would
39:05just say to you, pick that area where
39:07it's like, you know better than this.
39:09It's not bringing you a return. It's It
39:12doesn't make you look good. It's not
39:13attractive on you. It doesn't feel good.
39:16And I'm telling you, putting the shirt
39:17on and
39:19There would be times I would do a video
39:20and I was like, do me a favor. Don't I
39:22wouldn't tell them, but I wanted to tell
39:24them, don't get a side angle. Like, the
39:26gut, you know what I'm saying? Don't
39:27just keep straight in front. Like, we
39:29just want to say I'm only wearing black
39:31all black shirts, right? And I got to a
39:33point where it was like, Eric, it's
39:34embarrassing at this point. So, I'm
39:35saying to you, yes, you know, but I just
39:38want you to turn that camera. Just do me
39:40a favor. Take the camera, flip it, turn
39:42it on you, look at you in the mirror and
39:43say, this is embarrassing.
39:45I I should be doing better. I know
39:47better. This has nothing to do with the
39:49the reward on the other side. Let's just
39:50start with this not even me. This is not
39:54Like, I don't even know how I got I
39:55don't know how I got Well, I do know how
39:56I got to 242. But, you know what I mean?
39:59Like, I don't know how I got to 242.
40:01Like, I don't even feel com- Like, I
40:03don't like wearing double X. I'm I'm not
40:056'6. I shouldn't be wearing a double X
40:07shirt, right? And so, that's what I
40:08would say to you. Look at the area in
40:10your life where you're like, I know this
40:12is not reflective of me. I know this is
40:15not who I am. I know this is not the
40:17best of me. Turn that camera on that
40:19person
40:20and look at that person and say,
40:24I'm firing you.
40:25You're no longer needed. You're no
40:27longer healthy. You're no longer
40:29productive. You're no longer needed in
40:31my life. You are a menace to where I'm
40:34trying to go.
40:36No more pink slips. You're out of here.
40:38So, that's what I would say. And then,
40:40do me a favor. Let's just take Don't
40:42even do 24 hours at a time. Don't do
40:44that. That's overwhelming. I don't work
40:46out 24 hours. I say, Eric, do me a
40:48favor. When I first started, I said,
40:49"Bro, give me 30 minutes." If you can
40:51give me 30 minutes on the treadmill
40:53at two speed, two incline, three
40:56incline, just give me 15 minutes. Just
40:58do enough for your body to like, "Okay,
41:00I like this." And put your body in a
41:02situation where it's muscle memory.
41:05That the first week you do it every day,
41:07you do something light, that the second
41:08week the body is like, "Are we doing
41:10that again?" So, just do me a favor. Put
41:13the picture up. I want the picture in
41:15your bathroom. I want the picture in
41:17your living room. I want the picture on
41:19your car. If you If you have a ceiling
41:22that you can get to, put the picture on
41:23your ceiling, so when you go to sleep at
41:25night and wake up, you see it. Like, I
41:27want a picture of what you want to be
41:29everywhere. I want you to see it
41:31everywhere you go. And then, do me a
41:33favor. Every day, we're just going to do
41:34a little bit, not too much, and then
41:37we're going to keep adding to that till
41:3852 days later, you're going to look up
41:40and go, "Did I do that?
41:42Did I become that?"
41:44>> You really believe you can change in 52
41:45days?
41:46>> do believe you can change your mindset.
41:48And once you change your mindset, the
41:50results may not all come in 52 days, but
41:53the mindset will come in 52 days, and
41:55the results always follow the mindset.
41:58>> Here's one other thing that struck me as
41:59you were talking.
42:02When you have the courage
42:04to admit that you're embarrassed,
42:07you're embarrassed by how you're showing
42:08up at work. You're embarrassed by how
42:11you're eating. You're embarrassed by how
42:13you've let your health go. You're
42:14embarrassed. I'll I'll give you the one
42:16that I have. I have been so overwhelmed
42:19that I feel at times like my stress
42:23and feeling frustrated, it feels very
42:27similar right now to how I used to feel
42:30when I was a young mom.
42:31And
42:32it is embarrassing to me
42:35that my work stress has gotten to me the
42:38way that it has. And I can say that
42:42because I don't like that. And when you
42:44can admit to yourself that there are
42:46parts of you, whether it's your
42:47jealousy, or maybe your spending is
42:49embarrassing. Maybe it's embarrassing
42:51that you work really hard and you spend
42:53all your money buying stuff or leasing a
42:56car cuz you want people to think a
42:57certain thing about you, but you're
42:59embarrassed that you don't have any
43:02savings cuz you're so busy spending it
43:03all to prove something to people you
43:05don't even care about. When you can
43:07admit that,
43:09I want you to understand something
43:10powerful.
43:12The new version of you, the true version
43:14of you, actually showed up.
43:17That version of you is already in there.
43:19That's why you're embarrassed.
43:21And now it's about taking on this 52-day
43:25challenge
43:26of acting like the new version of you,
43:29even if it's just for 30 minutes a day.
43:32>> Yeah. You
43:33>> Yeah, I started a transcendental
43:34meditation practice because I had to
43:36look into what do I need to learn as a
43:39skill
43:40to help me manage the very real stress
43:44of building a company like this cuz I
43:46don't want to take it out of my family.
43:47It's embarrassing. I don't want to be
43:49upset about stupid things. It's
43:50embarrassing.
43:51>> Yeah. He he said something powerful.
43:54I didn't add that as a part of the
43:57steps.
43:58>> Yeah.
43:58>> But maybe that that maybe that
44:00embarrassing inventory is kind of where
44:02you start before you even get the
44:04picture. It's like, let's do an
44:05embarrassing inventory and let's audit
44:08all the areas where either I'm
44:10embarrassed or I should be embarrassed.
44:13[laughter]
44:14Cuz maybe maybe like maybe some of the
44:16areas you you you're not taking
44:18ownership that you actually should be
44:19embarrassed.
44:20>> It's that simple. Can you give another
44:23simple example of a 52-day get-it-done
44:27plan? Like, what are some of the daily
44:29non-negotiables for you? Like, how
44:31you're coaching people through this?
44:32>> number one, schedule it.
44:34>> Okay.
44:34>> Like it for real. If it's not if you
44:36don't write it down and you don't give
44:37it a time,
44:39it's just not going to happen. So, that
44:40that's [clears throat] number one. Like
44:42actually schedule it. And and okay. Now,
44:44Diddy's going to kill me for this one.
44:46Diddy's going to kill me for this
44:47>> want to get in trouble with Diddy.
44:48>> Yeah. Yeah. Diddy's going to kill me for
44:49this one.
44:50Not only do you need to schedule it, you
44:52need to make you a priority. So, here's
44:55Diddy's thing, right? And I don't know
44:57where Diddy got it from, but she watched
44:59too much TV. So, so when we would go on
45:01a trip and we would be in the hotel, I
45:04wouldn't exercise, Mel, until she got
45:06up.
45:07Because Diddy felt like, I don't want to
45:09be in the room.
45:11>> Mhm.
45:12>> Like, you're working out, you know, if
45:13if people here with keys, anybody could
45:15come into the room. And so for a long
45:17time, Mel, I wasn't working out. And
45:19Diddy would get up, but by the time she
45:21got up, but it's like we're retired. So,
45:23we're doing worship together, we're
45:25going out to eat, she's going shopping.
45:27I never got to it. It's like, Eric, your
45:30non-negotiables are not Diddy's
45:32non-negotiables. For years, I would not
45:36get up and go work out because of her
45:38fears. They weren't even my fears, and
45:40it wasn't even true. So, number one,
45:42schedule it. Number two, non-negotiable.
45:44Once you make up in your mind you're
45:46going to work out or do whatever you're
45:47going to do, your wife, your husband,
45:49your kids, you can't let somebody else's
45:52fear or somebody else's reality consume
45:55you to the point that you're not doing
45:57what you're supposed to be doing. Number
45:58three, take it light. Don't do anything
46:01that's going to overwhelm you and make
46:03you stop and make you quit. Number four,
46:06tell somebody else you're doing it.
46:09Be held accountable. I don't know what
46:10it is, Mel, it might just be me and I
46:13feel uh silly saying it, but sometimes I
46:17would rather work out because I told you
46:19than work out because I because I said I
46:21was going to work
46:21>> There's nothing silly about that at all.
46:23I will meet you
46:25at 5:30 in the morning because I
46:27promised you I would be at that class
46:30and I will not meet myself.
46:32>> I'm just I I don't know what it is, Mel,
46:34but there's times where I just won't
46:35meet myself. But if I tell you I'm going
46:37to do it and you say, "AE, where is the"
46:41And some Oh, Mel, it feels so good when
46:43I do the hour, you know, uh treadmill
46:46and I do the 30-minute weight and I do
46:48the sauna and I send the whole thing.
46:50And my boy CJ go, "Go, E, let's go." I'm
46:53like, "Was it the workout?"
46:55>> [laughter]
46:55>> OR WAS IT HIM SAYING, "GO"? That was You
46:58know, and so I think that's important
47:00too because
47:02you can let yourself down sometimes
47:04quicker than you can somebody else.
47:05>> You know what I think you should do is
47:07you should take this episode and copy
47:10the link and text it to your best friend
47:12or to your sister or to your brother or
47:14someone and say, "I am so inspired to
47:17take on a 52-day challenge. Let's do it
47:19together. Let's each pick something."
47:21And I want to share with you, Dr.
47:23Thomas, and with you as you're listening
47:26the team that's producing this episode
47:28is listening to our conversation and
47:29they're feeling so inspired and here
47:32things that they're going to be taking
47:33on for the next 52 days. "State of my
47:35home embarrasses me.
47:37>> [laughter]
47:38>> I need to organize it. I'm embarrassed
47:42that I don't work out. I'm going to take
47:44on a 52-day challenge to start working
47:46out again. I'm embarrassed by how much I
47:49complain. So, I'm going to take on a
47:51challenge around that. I'm embarrassed
47:52by my lack of knowledge. So, I'm going
47:54to take on a challenge around reading.
47:56Um here's a note. I'm embarrassed by my
47:58posture. And so, I'm going to take on a
48:0052-day challenge to start stretching
48:02more.
48:03I'm embarrassed by not knowing how to
48:06cook. Multiple people on our team are
48:08saying this and so I am going to spend
48:1152 days learning the skill of cooking.
48:14I'm embarrassed by the amount of debt
48:15I'm in and so I'm going to spend 52 days
48:17making and sticking to a plan.
48:20And so, you can see that we like you
48:23need to take that embarrassment part
48:24because I think there's a lot out there
48:27about hitting rock bottom. Right? Like
48:30it's got to be really horrible in order
48:32for you to muster up the motivation
48:35intrinsically to say I'm so sick of
48:37myself that staying here is worse than
48:41actually doing the thing that I'm
48:42avoiding. But embarrassment
48:45is a way for you to access the truth
48:49that you're living in a way that's not
48:50aligned with your true
48:53values and who you truly know yourself
48:56and know your know you want to be.
48:59>> Yeah.
49:00>> For somebody that's really
49:02in it with us and it is
49:04has has has admitted this thing that's
49:06embarrassing. They're having their own
49:08personal reckoning. What what do you
49:09want them to know the good news?
49:11>> want to say congratulations.
49:13Like no for real, congratulations. And I
49:15say congratulations because I deal with
49:17so many people every day
49:20who know that they're not their best
49:23self and they quit. And they give up and
49:26they surrender. So I just I I honestly
49:28want to say to you, congratulations.
49:29Like I don't know if you know how big it
49:32is to say, "I'm embarrassed by this or
49:35that." Most people hide. Like most
49:37people aren't transparent. And you'd be
49:39shocked that the actual secret to
49:42success is really transparency. It's
49:44really owning up to it and saying, "Yo,
49:47I'm I'm not happy." And guess what?
49:49People who hide, they they they're
49:52they're never discovered. They never
49:54discover They never explore. They never
49:56Once you hide, that's it. But the person
49:58that says, "I got on the scale, y'all."
50:01That No, I'm being honest with you. That
50:03was the reason why I never lost.
50:05Now I know Mel would say, "You know you
50:07were big." I did, but I didn't know how
50:09big. And I didn't want to know how.
50:11Okay? I didn't want to know how big I
50:13was. Why? Because I knew once I got on
50:15the scale, guess what's going to have to
50:16happen? I was going to have to do
50:18something about it. So most of us are
50:20running from our scale. We're running
50:22from the real number, the real truth.
50:26Right? And so Mel was like, "You just
50:27get on the scale." And I got on the
50:30scale and I said, "Whoa, you in the
50:32You're in the 240." Now I got to be
50:34honest, it was 242 like a week or two
50:38when I was like, "You got to get on the
50:38scale." So I think I kind of pulled
50:40back. I might have been bigger. If I
50:41would have got on the scale and then
50:43that was in the morning too and like dry
50:44weight. That wasn't like in the middle
50:46of the day when I had, you know,
50:47something to eat. So but when I saw the
50:49242, guess what? While it was
50:52embarrassing,
50:54it was the beginning of 219. It was the
50:57beginning of 219. Like cuz 215 Didi
51:00like, "You too small. I don't like you
51:01at 215, 219, 220. She like I still feel
51:05I you know, I got something to hold,
51:06right? And so I was like E, 219. But
51:09listen to me, the day you see 242 is the
51:13day 219 comes alive. It's the day it
51:16comes alive. The day you see your worst
51:19self is the day your new self was
51:21peeking in saying, I told you.
51:24I told you. And just I all I need you to
51:26do is just tag me in. And then and the
51:28219 dude said, just tag me in. Just turn
51:32on the treadmill. Just give me a shot at
51:34the treadmill. I just dare you to go in
51:36there and be by yourself and listen to
51:37your own thoughts, Eric. I dare you. And
51:40I did it for a week and then my body was
51:42like, I dare you to do it 2 weeks in a
51:43row.
51:44I dare you. Just give me a shot. And I'm
51:46telling you that 219, which is you know,
51:49figuratively. I'm not I don't know what
51:51we're not talking about weight. But that
51:52person is daring you to tag them in.
51:55They're daring you to give them control.
51:58Give me the keys. I just told a group of
52:00kids in school. I was at a high school
52:02in Flushing, Michigan, which is right
52:04next door to Flint. And the kids was
52:06like, I hate my teachers. I hate the
52:08counselors. I hate school. I said, do me
52:10a favor. Take the keys then. Go make
52:12your own curriculum. Go study yourself.
52:15I dare you to take the keys. Go talk to
52:17your counselor. I dare you to go to
52:18college. Like I dare you if you don't
52:20like what your teacher's doing, you
52:21don't like the way the school is, take
52:23the keys and go start writing your own
52:25paper. Start doing your own research. Go
52:27meet with your teachers and find out
52:28what books they read when they were in
52:29college. I dare you to take the keys.
52:31And so I'm daring somebody today to let
52:34the best version of you take over cuz
52:36the worst one has.
52:37And I'm telling you, don't wait another
52:40day. Start the 52 right now.
52:42I don't know if you're at optimal, below
52:43I I don't know. But let's start right
52:45now and for the next 52 days, let's just
52:47operate at optimal and let's give our
52:49best self a chance. And then I'll see
52:51you January 1st. I I promise you if if
52:54you don't like it,
52:55call Mail. If you don't like [laughter]
52:57it, call Mail. And you don't have my
52:58contact, but call me Mail. And uh yeah,
53:01that's that's how I feel about the
53:0252-day transformation.
53:04>> You know, we're not going to end I'm
53:05going to have you send this.
53:06>> Okay.
53:07>> Send this, meaning send the person into
53:10the next version of themselves. Dr. Eric
53:14Thomas, what are your parting words?
53:16>> You owe you. You owe you to do what? You
53:19owe you to look at the hand that you've
53:20been dealt and play it. And so, study
53:23your hand. That's all I would tell you.
53:25Study it, and then when you study it and
53:26you learn it, play it to the best of
53:28your ability. So, you owe you. Nobody
53:31else owes you. If they help you, that
53:32would be great. But, I promise you if
53:34you help yourself
53:36and you get rid of that victim's
53:39mentality and you become a victor, I I
53:41guarantee you you too can be sitting
53:43next to whoever you want to sit next to.
53:45You could be on whatever podcast you
53:46want to be on, whatever stage you want
53:48to be on, whatever magazine you want to
53:49be on, whatever you want to do. I
53:51guarantee if you handle you,
53:53people will see how valuable you are and
53:55they'll start to bless you the way you
53:57bless yourself.
53:57>> Well, Dr. Thomas, you are a blessing.
54:00>> Thank you.
54:01>> And this structure of 52 days
54:04>> Yeah.
54:04>> and the invitation to get embarrassed
54:08>> Mhm.
54:08>> by
54:10uh where you're at
54:10>> get around the right person?
54:12>> You know what I'm saying? Like, it do
54:14you do not have to have your whole life
54:15fall apart to change. You can just be
54:17honest about what you're embarrassed
54:19about and you can [clears throat] make a
54:20decision
54:21>> Absolutely.
54:22>> going to spend the next 52 days doing
54:24something about it.
54:26Yes, that's how you roll, Dr. Thomas.
54:28So, Dr. Thomas, thank you. Thank you.
54:30Thank you. Thank you. And thank you.
54:32Thank you for making time and spending
54:34it with me and Dr. Thomas. Now, stop
54:36listening and do something about it. You
54:38take the link, you send it to a friend,
54:40you create a 52-day plan just like I've
54:44done, you challenge yourself to make
54:46your life better, to feel better about
54:48yourself, and I promise you, just like
54:50Dr. Thomas did, January 1 rolls around
54:52or 52 days from now, you are going to be
54:54a different you because you're the one
54:57who made that change happen. And in case
54:59no one else tells you as your friend,
55:00I'm going to tell you that I love you.
55:02I bet
55:03Dr. Thomas wants to say that, too.
55:05>> Absolutely. Love you. Love you. Love
55:08you. And I pray that you would learn to
55:10love yourself.
55:11>> Oh. And this conversation
55:14it is my hope that it helps you do that
55:16because you can create a better life but
55:19learning how to love yourself, you
55:21better follow everything Dr. Thomas said
55:23because that's how you do it. And you
55:25owe you. I'll see you in the next
55:26episode. I'm going to welcome you in the
55:28moment you hit play.
55:30And thank you for watching all the way
55:31to the end. I really love being here
55:33with you. Wasn't that extraordinary?
55:35Thanks for being so generous with that,
55:37[music] for being a subscriber. All
55:38right, I know because he just lit you
55:40up, you want to watch another episode
55:42[music] of the Mel Robbins podcast.
55:44You're going to love this one next and
55:45I'm going to welcome you in the moment
55:46you hit play.

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