Fear - Steps on How to Get Rid of Your Fears — Transcript

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1. 0:09And so the first two are almost self-explanatory. Getting rid of them seems a little more slippery through my fingers.
2. 0:15And so I'm wondering, that's going to probably look different for each person, the tools that they use, their process.
3. 0:21But could you inflush that a little bit more onto like getting rid of fears, maybe some several menu options on what that could look like for someone with an open-ended, and it could look different depending on someone.
4. 0:52is because you have negative feelings, anything. You have anger, you have stress, you get upset, you feel frustrated, all those things that are negative.
5. 1:10That's there because you have a fear. If you didn't have fear, you wouldn't feel any of those negative things. All those negative things are attached to a fear.
6. 1:20So the next time you get annoyed, or feel unfairly treated, or unappreciated, or all of that negative stuff, you can stop and say, what's the fear that's driving that?
7. 1:37And find that fear. And this is not easy to do. So you have to be very honest with yourself. This is where the next step is of becoming authentic.
8. 1:48Becoming authentic, you really have to know yourself, know who you are. Most of us struggle with that.
9. 1:59We are so used to living out of our heads and out of our intellect that it's really difficult to know who we are at a very authentic level, where we are just living from the being level for the most part.
10. 2:14That's authentic. You know how hard it's been just getting out of your head in an exercise, lying in a booth, to get out of there and get into the being level.
11. 2:22It's not an easy thing to do. But when you're authentic, you're not living out of your head anymore. You are just who you are. The core of you is you.
12. 2:31Well, that takes some practice. And you do that by, you've probably heard a lot of slogans like, live in the moment, that sort of thing.
13. 2:42In other words, be aware of what you're doing and why you do it. Be aware of your choices. Don't go through life like a zombie. Go through life aware of why you do what you do.
14. 2:54Little choices. All sorts of choices. But particularly those choices that lead to negative feelings. Be aware of those choices. Own them.
15. 3:06You say, okay, I seem to have this problem of feeling inadequate. That's why it upsets me when I don't get the appreciation.
16. 3:17Because that scratches on that fear of being inadequate if you don't get the appreciation. That's why I don't like criticism.
17. 3:28Criticism upsets me because it resonates with that feeling of being inadequate. You go back and you find, okay, here's a fear of being inadequate.
18. 3:38Makes me a little prickly to people who don't appreciate or don't seem to, or they find fault with you perhaps.
19. 3:52Try to tell you that what you're doing is not right and it upsets you. That's a fear of being inadequate.
20. 4:00So why do you feel that way? It's not necessary to say, oh, when I was three years old, something happened that made me feel inadequate.
21. 4:14My mother came home and brought a toy for my brother and my sister, but I didn't get one. And I've been feeling inadequate ever since.
22. 4:22So it could be any little thing like that. But you find the fear and own it. Say, okay, I do feel inadequate. I just don't feel like I'm very good at it. I'll own that.
23. 4:35You own that fear. It's yours. Once you own it, you have the ability to get rid of it. If you don't own it, you can't get rid of it.
24. 4:42So as long as you stuff it away, it's yours forever. Own it and then be authentic with it.
25. 4:53Feel that inadequacy and feel how it affects your choices. Good to know it in you.
26. 5:03And if you think about all of the choices you make and have made in the past that have been made because of that fear, you will be really overwhelmed with the desire to get rid of it.
27. 5:16You'll actually know how it's been affecting your life. But you can't do that until you own it and live it a little bit.
28. 5:25So now we're at the point where you own it, you understand how it's been affecting your life, you're motivated to get rid of it.
29. 5:33The next thing you do is when you feel that coming on, you feel an interaction because now you're aware of that interaction.
30. 5:41And you're aware of that inadequacy and you're aware when it comes and triggers a reaction, triggers a choice. That's in your awareness now.
31. 5:48So when you feel that coming on, you just say, oh, that's my fear again. I don't want to go there. Let it go.
32. 5:58Don't be angry. Don't be upset. It's okay. And go on. Try to not go there.
33. 6:07Well, that's kind of intellectual. But that will, over time, if you're not just trying to push it away but you're trying to get rid of it,
34. 6:16that will, over time, make that fear come back less and less strong every time until eventually it's gone.
35. 6:22Because when you're saying that, I don't want that fear, you're really using your intent to say, be gone.
36. 6:30I'm not interested in playing this out anymore. Stop it. And that intent, over time, will make the fear go away.
37. 6:41And tension changes future probability. And that intent will get weaker and weaker and weaker until it's gone.
38. 6:48This may take a year. And that's if you're working on it really hard.
39. 6:55But if you're not working on it really hard, if it's just kind of a casual thing, you may or may not be successful.
40. 7:00So you really have to be serious about it. So that's kind of the process of getting rid of your fear.
41. 7:06Now, there's another wrinkle to that that you can do. And that is the only antidote for fear.
42. 7:14If you're going to deal with it squarely and not kind of chase it away slowly, the only antidote to fear is courage.
43. 7:22That's it. Nothing else gets rid of fear but courage.
44. 7:27You just have to have the courage to not be frightened by that fear, to not have that fear.
45. 7:36And how you express that courage is that you tell your fear, give me your best shot.
46. 7:43All right, I'm just me. I'm going to act the way I am. And let those chips fall where they may. I'm being me.
47. 7:52I have the courage to live with my inadequacy.
48. 7:59Well, once you have the courage to live with it, you've pulled the teeth out of it. It can't bite you.
49. 8:05See, what you're afraid of is that it's going to cause dysfunction in your life.
50. 8:10Other people will see how inadequate you are, and you're trying to cover that up.
51. 8:14Well, if you just own it, all right, I'm inadequate. I'm just going to live with my inadequacy.
52. 8:20I'm going to be inadequate in the things I do. I'm just Mr. Inadequate. I accept that. That's my life.
53. 8:26And I'll learn from it. See, that kind of attitude.
54. 8:31Well, now what's the worst that could happen to you?
55. 8:34The worst that could happen to you is somebody might think you're inadequate.
56. 8:37So you've already accepted that. You've pulled the teeth out of it. It can't bite you anymore.
57. 8:42There's nothing to hide. And then as you live it, you'll see that it'll just dissipate and go away.
58. 8:49Because it no longer has teeth. It can't hurt you.
59. 8:54That's like if somebody has a great secret on you and you're being blackmailed for the secret.
60. 8:59Well, one way to get rid of that is just to tell everybody.
61. 9:02Now there's no blackmail anymore. You own it. Blackmail is irrelevant.
62. 9:07Who are you going to tell? I've already told the world.
63. 9:10See, it's the same with the fear. Own the fear. Accept it. Be it. Live it.
64. 9:16And figure that's your lot in life just to be that way.
65. 9:20I don't have to hide it. I don't have to cover it up. I don't have to apologize for it.
66. 9:24I'll just live my life and it's there.
67. 9:28It can't hurt you now. But that takes a lot of courage.
68. 9:33That's another way to go. It's probably a faster route.
69. 9:37But it requires a lot of courage to do that.
70. 9:42So you're basically telling your fear, go ahead. Take your best shot. I don't mind.
71. 9:48Everybody knows anyway. I have nothing to cover up.
72. 9:56So live authentically and if you don't like the result of that, change yourself.
73. 10:05Have that intent to change yourself. It's the intent that's going to change you.