Explaining Jokes to Idiots: Oscars Edition | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO) — Transcript

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1. 0:00and for our final rule tonight it's time
2. 0:02for another edition of one of our
3. 0:04favorite departments here on real time
4. 0:06explaining jokes to idiots
5. 0:15whereas the public service i break down
6. 0:17jokes for the humor impaired
7. 0:19not that i have anyone particular in
8. 0:21mind
9. 0:24[Applause]
10. 0:28now i know we're all sick of talking
11. 0:30about the slap but i'm sorry one more
12. 0:33thing needs to be said
13. 0:35comedians
14. 0:36have been under attack for quite some
15. 0:38time and i need to stick up for my tribe
16. 0:41this war on jokes must end
17. 0:48so tonight let's zapruda film this thing
18. 0:52once and for all and explain
19. 0:54jokes to idiots
20. 0:56[Applause]
21. 1:07now at the oscars chris rock came out to
22. 1:09present a boring award and first did
23. 1:11what he is supposed to do get some
24. 1:12laughs during what we comics call crowd
25. 1:15work
26. 1:15[Laughter]
27. 1:20denzel and javier bardem each got
28. 1:23spritzed
29. 1:26and then chris made what in the business
30. 1:28is known as a some is like some
31. 1:30other joke
32. 1:34he said to jada smith jada can't wait
33. 1:36for g.i jane 2. we're
34. 1:39recalling the late 90s movie starring
35. 1:41demi moore
36. 1:43that's it
37. 1:44that's the joke you remind me of some
38. 1:46other beautiful buzz-cutted movie star
39. 1:49it wasn't an alopecia joke any more than
40. 1:51the one about the chicken crossing the
41. 1:53road is about bird flu
42. 2:03not an insult although insult humor
43. 2:08is also a staple of comedy and in fact
44. 2:10an example of insulting someone's looks
45. 2:12was on display that night when regina
46. 2:14hall said we've been dealing with coed
47. 2:17for two years it's been really hard on
48. 2:19people and amy schumer said yeah just
49. 2:21look at timothy chalamet and they cut to
50. 2:23j.k simmons
51. 2:26[Applause]
52. 2:34who made a face a lot like the one jada
53. 2:36would make later on
54. 2:40but that's where it ended it's called
55. 2:42being a good sport especially when
56. 2:43you're a rich celebrity
57. 2:45let the common people take the piss out
58. 2:48of you for one stinking minute
59. 2:57and importantly chris's joke was
60. 2:59received as funny
61. 3:05as evidenced by the audience and will
62. 3:07smith laughing
63. 3:15[Music]
64. 3:17and this is the moment where we got to
65. 3:19see a live-action real-time
66. 3:21encapsulation of how cancel culture
67. 3:23works look at what happens next jada
68. 3:27shoots her husband a look let's slow the
69. 3:29tape down to capture this moment
70. 3:31there
71. 3:32[Applause]
72. 3:33back and to the left
73. 3:35back and to the left
74. 3:38back and to the left
75. 3:41[Applause]
76. 3:47before this moment will is laughing
77. 3:49because he hasn't yet found out
78. 3:51that his original genuine reaction is
79. 3:54wrong and that he should conform
80. 3:59[Applause]
81. 4:05to a different view
82. 4:07and he's the one who's being manly
83. 4:10i've seen the same syndrome happen in
84. 4:12comedy clubs woke hecklers who literally
85. 4:15have to wait for the laughter to die
86. 4:17down before they yell that's not funny
87. 4:30this war on jokes must end will smith
88. 4:34didn't get kicked out of the oscars for
89. 4:35going ike turner on chris but kevin hart
90. 4:38got kicked out of hosting it
91. 4:40for a joke who are these people who say
92. 4:43cancel culture isn't a real thing just
93. 4:46among comedians who've gotten fired and
94. 4:49lost gigs for exercising their freedom
95. 4:51of expression the toll is high
96. 4:54gilbert godfried and kathy griffin were
97. 4:56tasteless so what that's why we like
98. 4:59them
99. 5:07comedians are the ones testing where the
100. 5:09line is we can't always be perfect any
101. 5:12more than tom brady will never throw an
102. 5:14interception
103. 5:18dave chappelle lost distribution for his
104. 5:20documentary and sarah silverman was
105. 5:22fired from a film over an old sketch
106. 5:25where she wore blackface to make fun of
107. 5:27racism
108. 5:28roseanne lost the tv show she created
109. 5:30with her name on it over tweets that
110. 5:32were very offensive but not at all clear
111. 5:35roseanne knew them to be she is crazy
112. 5:38and i say that as a friend
113. 5:47all comedians are a little crazy and you
114. 5:50need crazy on that wall
115. 6:00will smith wasn't pulled off stage but
116. 6:02comedian nemesh patel was literally
117. 6:05pulled off stage during a performance at
118. 6:07columbia for a joke
119. 6:09about how hard it is to be gay and black
120. 6:12not an anti-gay joke mind you a pro-gay
121. 6:15joke
122. 6:16but one of the event organizers walked
123. 6:18on stage and said i don't think you're
124. 6:20entitled to certain jokes you're making
125. 6:25well a sense of entitlement certainly is
126. 6:28a big part of the problem here but not
127. 6:31on the part of the comedian
128. 6:33[Applause]
129. 6:39and that's the thing the people who
130. 6:41can't take a joke now aren't old ladies
131. 6:43in the bible belt
132. 6:45they're gen z at elite colleges
133. 6:48where comedy goes to die
134. 6:52kids used to go to college and lose
135. 6:54their virginity now they go to lose
136. 6:56their sense of humor
137. 7:05vice recently interviewed college
138. 7:07bookers who revealed that before a
139. 7:09comedian even takes the stage they're
140. 7:11asked to edit out anything from their
141. 7:13act that may cause offense
142. 7:16leaving a world where more and more
143. 7:18topics are off limits and soon there'll
144. 7:20be nothing left to joke about except
145. 7:22airline food and starbucks getting your
146. 7:24name wrong
147. 7:33judd apatow has an awesome new
148. 7:35documentary coming here to hbo about
149. 7:37george carlin owner of the most famous
150. 7:40180 in comedy history when he turned his
151. 7:43back on a lucrative career in nightclubs
152. 7:46in order to let his hair down and be
153. 7:48himself in front of a younger crowd who
154. 7:50welcomed irreverence
155. 7:52in 1970 george said i got to go to
156. 7:55colleges i belong with people who are
157. 7:57open and will let me be myself an
158. 7:59experiment
159. 8:01oh george
160. 8:04it's a good thing you're dead
161. 8:13because today
162. 8:15the seven words you can't say on tv or
163. 8:17jada can't wait for g.i jane too
164. 8:30for all those who are constantly
165. 8:32demanding an apology for jokes
166. 8:35maybe it's you who should apologize to
167. 8:37us
168. 8:39for all the great jokes that we never
169. 8:41got to hear
170. 8:42the brilliant thoughts that were never
171. 8:44uttered those are the invisible scars of
172. 8:47cancel culture let's have a moment of
173. 8:49silence for that and a spot in the in
174. 8:52memoriam package
175. 8:54[Applause]
176. 8:58[Music]
177. 8:58[Applause]
178. 9:00for all the viable jokes that could have
179. 9:02lived but were aborted
180. 9:04because a voice in someone's head said
181. 9:06are you sure you want to risk saying
182. 9:08that
183. 9:09that's self-censorship the worst kind of
184. 9:12all
185. 9:12but you will get none of that on my new
186. 9:14hbo special
187. 9:16it's called adulting
188. 9:18and it premieres in this time slot a
189. 9:20week from tonight as the kids say it's
190. 9:23fire
191. 9:39you