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EXPERTA EN REPROGRAMACIÓN MENTAL:ASÍ PUEDES TRANSFORMAR TU MENTE EN UNA SOLA NOCHE. Begoña Del Campo — Transcript

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0:00The basis of happiness or unhappiness
0:02lies in our beliefs. People need to
0:04understand. I like to explain what is
0:06happening to them and then, well, help
0:08them understand. Once you understand,
0:10you see? That the possibility of change
0:12exists. The brain doesn't know how to
0:14delete; it knows how to substitute. You
0:15cannot simply delete a program you have
0:17installed. What you can do is replace
0:19it with another one.
0:21Psychologist and communicator, creator
0:23of the BMR system, Bego Mental Reset.
0:26Today we have Begoña del Campo with us
0:29.
0:30Where do you want to go? Who do you
0:31want to be? When you stop caring about
0:34what others think, you become
0:35unstoppable, because then you unleash
0:37your talents without any fear of being
0:39questioned or having your skills
0:41doubted. That is when you can reach
0:43your peak. It is very hard to talk
0:45about money because that’s how we
0:47were raised. What matters is health. Of
0:48course health is important, but so is
0:50money. I mean, they aren't mutually
0:51exclusive. That is the mistake.
0:53Good things can happen to us every
0:55single day. Good things can happen
0:57every day; I always say that. And seek
0:59them out through meditation, exercise,
1:01and mental reprogramming right before
1:04you sleep. I mean, this—this changes
1:06your life, César, it really does. When
1:09you practice gratitude, your brain
1:10shows you more scenarios to be grateful
1:13for, which means it shows you more
1:14opportunities. Gratitude is something
1:16extremely powerful. Tell me in one word
1:18, what do you think the world is
1:20missing? Well, that is what you have
1:23come here to provide. Begoña, after
1:32dealing with so many people for so many
1:35years in your profession,
1:38what do you think worries people the
1:41most? What worries people in general,
1:45or those who come to me, is well-being
1:48above all else; that is, finding a
1:50balance between external demands and
1:53internal pressures. That is what I
1:56detect a lot.
1:57There is a huge search for peace, for
2:00tranquility; there is a disconnection
2:03from within because we are very focused
2:06on the outside, and that causes a
2:09massive loss in quality of life. And
2:12more and more, people are looking
2:14inward.
2:15We are living very much on autopilot.
2:17Totally, absolutely. 90%of our
2:20behaviors are automatic. So, we are
2:23completely on autopilot.
2:25And what is the reason for that?
2:27It is a matter of brain efficiency. In
2:30other words, when you repeat the same
2:32task day after day, moment by moment,
2:34for the sake of brain energy efficiency
2:36, wonderful automatic behaviors are
2:38produced. I mean, this allows us to
2:41drive while talking to the person next
2:43to us about something completely
2:44different. But, what happens? That
2:46there are automatic behaviors that are
2:48good, and there are automatic behaviors
2:49that harm us. That is the, that is the
2:51key.
2:52Which ones are the ones that harm us?
2:53Those that lead us to engage in
2:55self-destructive behaviors. For example
2:58, there is an automatic behavior that
3:00is very, very in vogue today, which is
3:02looking at the phone.
3:03Uh-huh. Looking at the cell phone,
3:06being connected to social media, those
3:08are automatic behaviors that can harm
3:10us because they don't allow for
3:11concentration, they don't allow for
3:13moments of wandering. Do you remember,
3:16Cesar, when the mobile phone didn't
3:18exist, that good ideas emerged in the
3:20moments when we were bored? Suddenly
3:22you had a eureka moment, you'd say, "
3:24Wow," but now we don't give the brain
3:26time to wander and we don't give the
3:28brain time to create. So, that is an
3:30automatic behavior that is harming us,
3:32and it's that the body takes control.
3:35This is a very curious thing.
3:36The body takes control.
3:37Yes. This is something that is
3:40increasingly spreading in the
3:41scientific community due to a study
3:43that was done at the University of
3:45London. It came out in Science magazine
3:49, stating that the body, the cells, are
3:51addicted to certain emotions, for
3:53example. This works very curiously. It
3:57turns out there is a cellular addiction
3:59; that is, your cells are addicted to
4:02the dopamine produced by looking at the
4:04phone. So, you are on autopilot, like
4:07we are talking now, you are watching a
4:08movie and suddenly you don't really
4:10know why, but your body grabs the phone
4:11and looks at it, and you look at it and
4:13then you don't really know why, and oh,
4:15I'm going to put it down. It's an
4:17automatic behavior. Your body has
4:19become addicted to that dopamine. So,
4:21without realizing it, on autopilot, we
4:23grab the phone and look at it. So, that
4:26is an automatic behavior that is
4:27harming us. Walking is an automatic
4:29behavior that benefits us, obviously,
4:31driving too, but there are automatic
4:33behaviors, I insist, that are harming
4:35us, that are stealing our quality of
4:36life. Because, for example, this
4:39automatic behavior, which is the phone,
4:40it's very fashionable now to talk about
4:42dopamine, but it's just, it's just how
4:44it is. That is to say, it provides you
4:47with hits or micro-hits of dopamine.
4:49Your body becomes addicted to this, to
4:51this neurotransmitter. Cells, uh, cell
4:54membranes have receptors for different,
4:56uh, different chemicals of different
4:59emotions. So, of course, they are
5:01asking you for dopamine, they are
5:03constantly asking for these substances,
5:05these micro-hits. And the negative part
5:07of all this, well, dopamine is
5:09fantastic, the negative thing is that
5:11it is inversely proportional to
5:13serotonin; that is, the higher the dose
5:16of dopamine, the lower the doses of
5:18serotonin, which is the
5:19neurotransmitter most linked to
5:21happiness, right? The ser, which would
5:25be serotonin, and the dopa, which
5:27notice it has a prefix like "drug,"
5:28right? So, this is the, the crux of the
5:33matter, right? The, the
5:35In other words, pleasure doesn't have
5:38to give us happiness.
5:40Nothing to do with it. I mean, it's all
5:42fine, I mean, dopamine is fine,
5:44serotonin is fine, I mean, you
5:46shouldn't demonize absolutely anything,
5:47but happiness is also a very abstract
5:49and subjective concept, eh, but it is
5:51more linked to states of peace, okay?
5:54Serotonin and dopamine are linked more
5:56to states of excitement. Notice that
5:59dopamine has more to do with having,
6:01and serotonin has more to do with being
6:03. When you experience, uh, serotonin,
6:07for example, a connection with your
6:10small child, with a pet, or with your
6:12partner, that is serotonin. Then
6:15dopamine is when, well, suddenly you
6:17buy the car you want and it gives you [
6:18a rush], or you go eat somewhere and
6:20everything is delicious. I mean, the
6:23point is to know, uh, how to
6:24differentiate them and how to dose them
6:26, because the issue is that now there
6:28is a lot of inner tension because there
6:31is a lot of addiction to dopamine, and
6:33that causes serotonin to drop more and
6:35more.
6:36So, from what you're saying, society is
6:38less and less happy. Yes, absolutely.
6:42This is something I notice, since I
6:44work in mental health, I notice that
6:45there is generalized unhappiness and a
6:47lack of understanding. People need to
6:50understand. I like to explain what is
6:52happening to them, because when someone
6:55understands something,
6:57the feeling of, oh, okay, that's why,
6:59this is what's happening to me. It is
7:02the first step, to understand and then,
7:04well, to comprehend. Once you
7:06understand, that there is the
7:08possibility to change. which is what I
7:10dedicate myself to,
7:11to changing people,
7:12to changing beliefs. The
7:14beliefs. Exactly.
7:15Of course. In other words, the
7:17foundation of all behavior lies in
7:18beliefs. The foundation of happiness or
7:20unhappiness lies in beliefs. That is to
7:22say, the most effective way to change a
7:24human being, to self-modify, because
7:26nobody can change anyone other than
7:27themselves,
7:30is by working on beliefs, by replacing
7:32them, because you really can't modify
7:34them, you can't, uh, erase them. The
7:37brain doesn't know how to erase. It
7:39knows how to replace. This is a phrase
7:40I constantly say. I mean, you cannot
7:43delete a program you have installed.
7:45What you can do is replace it with
7:47another one that is more in line with
7:49the person you are today, because we
7:51are always becoming, we are evolving.
7:53So, the Caesar you are today has
7:55nothing to do with the Caesar from 20
7:57years ago or 15 years ago. Any belief
8:00you have deeply rooted in your
8:02subconscious mind might have, sorry,
8:04been very functional back then, but
8:06today it is absolutely dysfunctional.
8:09So, the key is to investigate to see
8:12which belief is the one sabotaging you.
8:15And how do we know a belief is
8:16sabotaging you? Well, because you want
8:19something on a conscious level, but you
8:21don't manage to achieve it. So, there
8:23is something holding you back. There is
8:25a belief there
8:27without us realizing it.
8:28Without us realizing it, below the
8:30level of consciousness. That is, there
8:32is a belief that is sabotaging you,
8:33that isn't letting you get where you
8:34want to go. So, that is where we are
8:37going to go and give it an alternative
8:39belief.
8:39Okay? How can we detect those beliefs
8:42that limit us?
8:44The beliefs that limit us, I always say
8:46, where do you want to go? Who do you
8:48want to be? So, based on what you want
8:50to be, what is it that what is it that
8:52is distancing you? For example, I am
8:54afraid of public speaking. So, there is
8:56a belief of external validation there,
8:58for example. And I always say the same
9:02thing, when you stop caring about what
9:03others think, you become unstoppable,
9:05because then you deploy your talents
9:07without any fear of being questioned or
9:09not questioned regarding your skills.
9:11So then you can finally reach your peak
9:14. But beliefs have to be investigated;
9:16obviously, each person is a world. So,
9:18I do work, I work with people, the work
9:21I do is very personalized. I call it
9:24like a tailored suit. Yes,
9:25So, those are the one-on-one sessions I
9:27do, but I also have...I have a WhatsApp
9:29group of, I don't know, almost 800
9:31people, and I post things there. Yes, I
9:34post things: uh, mental reprogramming
9:37audios, uh, meditations, self-hypnosis
9:39exercises. So I try to help more people
9:43, but obviously it's more generalized.
9:46Then with the people I work with in
9:48one-on-one sessions or small groups,
9:49there I can go more toward the, uh,
9:51more personalized beliefs, the ones
9:53that are holding you back, the ones
9:55that aren't letting you expand to your
9:57full potential, right?
9:58What would you say is the most
10:00generalized belief?
10:02The most self-limiting and, yes, the
10:04most self-limiting and generalized one
10:07is not being good enough
10:10in general. in general. That is to say,
10:13obviously for each person it might be
10:15not being good enough at their job or
10:17as a father or as a husband or just not
10:19being enough. So, in the end, that is
10:22the belief, and it usually comes, look,
10:24César, from behaviors or beliefs
10:28introjected in childhood.
10:31Uh-huh.
10:32From zero to 7 years old, the brain
10:34learns without questioning absolutely
10:36anything. I mean, we are, children are
10:38in that stage, in a practically
10:41hypnologic state due to brain waves,
10:43they are theta waves, okay? I mean,
10:46brain waves. Right now you and I would
10:48be in beta waves, high beta, then there
10:50are the alpha waves and then below the
10:53alpha waves would be the theta waves
10:55and then there are the gamma, etcetera.
10:57But well, children in those first seven
11:00years are in a practically hypnologic
11:02frequency. So they learn everything
11:05without questioning anything. good or
11:07bad.
11:07Good or bad. That's why I always say we
11:10must have a super kind dialogue with
11:12children, because you tell a child, I
11:14don't know, about the Three Wise Men,
11:16or the tooth fairy, and they say amen,
11:19and you tell them they are clumsy, and
11:20they say that too. So, we have to be
11:22extremely careful there. Then we have
11:24to go after those types of limiting
11:26beliefs. Then, as adults, we learn only
11:29through repetition or by lowering the
11:31brain to theta waves, which is what I
11:34do through frequencies in music and
11:37with my voice; and, well, I generate
11:40audios to be able to lower brain waves
11:42to alpha, uh, theta states, to be able
11:45to introject new beliefs that will
11:48displace the ones that no longer serve
11:51you, the dysfunctional ones. So, it's a
11:53magical thing. Yes, yes, completely.
11:55It's amazing. I mean, right now I have
11:57a group that’s been going for a month
11:58and a week, if I remember correctly, a
12:00month and a week, and it’s
12:01mind-blowing. I mean, they’re saying,
12:04"I wake up in a great mood, everything
12:07is finally going my way," and they just
12:10listen to an audio right before they
12:13fall asleep. That audio lowers their
12:16brain waves, and they tell me, "I can't
12:18even finish listening to it, I’m out
12:19cold.""Because we've opened a door to
12:22the subconscious and we've introjected
12:24a series of beliefs there that are
12:26displacing the old ones." At the end of
12:28the day, beliefs are like paths, like
12:30roads. They are neural routes
12:33predetermined by the belief system we
12:35formed, mostly back in childhood. So
12:39what we are providing are new beliefs
12:40that displace the old ones. So, César,
12:43imagine you have a cast on your arm,
12:45okay? It's in a cast, you stop using it
12:48, you lose bone mass, muscle mass; a
12:50belief is the same thing. When you stop
12:53using it, it eventually gets erased.
12:55That is how the brain forgets. The
12:57brain doesn't know how to forget, it
12:58knows how to substitute.
13:00So, the way we have to forget is to
13:02insert a belief that displaces the one
13:04that no longer serves you. So, it's
13:07magical.
13:08How great.
13:09Totally magical.
13:10Yes, yes.
13:12I understand that regarding money,
13:13there are many beliefs that limit us
13:15from being able to achieve more. For
13:17example,
13:17Look, you’ve hit on a major topic
13:20because, regarding money, so many
13:22people say, "No, no, I want to earn
13:24more money," and so on. "But there are
13:27beliefs below the level of
13:30consciousness that don't let you
13:32achieve that financial freedom, or that
13:35financial stability, or that money you
13:39want to get." When we were little, look
13:42, especially people who come from, well
13:44, more humble backgrounds, less, well,
13:47anyway,
13:48more hardworking, right? They would say
13:49, "No, to get money you have to work
13:51really hard." Hard work, rich people
13:53are bad, or people with money are like
13:56that. It's not true. I mean, whoever is
13:58bad is bad with money or without money.
14:00I mean, dough doesn't make you any
14:01better or worse.
14:02Sure, sure.
14:03Quite the opposite. I mean, if you have
14:04financial freedom, you’re likely to
14:06be in a better mood and be a better
14:07person.
14:08For sure.
14:09Absolutely.
14:10So, all of this makes the person think
14:13deep down that they are not worthy of
14:17So, um, money, like any other energy in
14:20the world, um, collapses with similar
14:23frequencies. So, of course, I mean,
14:26that belief system has to be modified.
14:28And sometimes I tell people, "You have
14:30to relate to money as if it were a
14:32person." I mean, imagine you want to
14:34win someone over and you say, "Oh, no,
14:36it's not important." Or, or no, or you
14:39either squander money or you don't give
14:42it enough value. Then it's like you're
14:45not treating that energy well. So it is
14:47super important. This may sound very
14:50esoteric, the, the energy stuff, but
14:52nowadays, um, more and more, um, the
14:54scientific world is approaching this:
14:56quantum physics, the whole subject of
14:58frequencies and all that. That dialogue
15:01, that discourse is becoming normalized
15:03, and in 15 years, 10 years, 15 years,
15:05it will be talked about the same way as
15:07before. Whoever talked about meditation
15:09was a weirdo, and now it's something
15:11super normal. Yes, the subject of
15:13energies is the same.
15:15Why do you think, then, that it's so
15:17hard to talk about money in general?
15:19Because we all have the same beliefs.
15:21Yes, there are some very deep-rooted,
15:23very widespread beliefs. It's very hard
15:25to talk about money because we were
15:27raised that way. We were raised that
15:29what's important is health. Of course
15:31health is important, but money is too.
15:32I mean, it's not mutually exclusive.
15:34That is the mistake. Health is
15:35important too. Money is important.
15:37Money allows me to do so many things
15:40for others. Money gives me the tools to
15:42be able to help others, to be able to
15:44train myself, to be able to grow as a
15:46human being and help others. So, all
15:49those limiting beliefs are there for a
15:53reason. So, um, people need, we need,
15:57um, to plug all those energy leaks
16:00regarding money. Okay? So, from a
16:05humble family, the most normal thing,
16:07humble, I mean, when it comes to
16:09talking about money, right? People who
16:11don't give importance to money, who
16:12live with just enough.
16:15The most normal thing is for their
16:16offspring, their children, to also have
16:18that way of thinking.
16:19Totally. Beliefs are inherited. Beliefs
16:22are But with money and with everything,
16:25eh? And when it comes to money, it's
16:28like a financial thermostat. I read
16:30about this concept a while ago and
16:32found it brilliant. Imagine an air
16:33conditioning thermostat, right? You say
16:35, "It's at 23 right now, 23 degrees."
16:38Fine.
16:39Well, imagine that your financial
16:41thermostat is set to X amount of money,
16:43okay? It's just like you, César, uh,
16:46you have that thermostat. Now, for
16:48example, due to a turn of events in
16:50life, uh, you find yourself living, for
16:52whatever reason, overnight, suddenly
16:54you find yourself living in a shack
16:56with a dirt floor, a metal sheet for a
16:58roof, uh, how long would it take you to
17:01get out of there? Nothing. You would
17:04find three jobs. You would get your
17:06mind working in an unimaginable way to
17:09get out of there, and it would take you
17:11, César, it would take you no time to
17:13get out of there. It would take me no
17:16time to get out of there, even if I had
17:17to work, I insist, 20 hours a day, I
17:19wouldn't care, but I wouldn't stay
17:21there because my financial thermostat
17:23isn't that. However, there are people
17:25who are born there, raised there, and
17:26spend their whole lives there—it's
17:28normal.
17:28And it's normalized. So, what happens?
17:31That you have a financial thermostat
17:32and I have my financial thermostat. So,
17:35the issue of money, when you ask me if
17:37it has to do with where one is born, of
17:38course, because you have a financial
17:40thermostat, but then suddenly there is
17:42someone, a family, that says, "I want
17:43more, I won't settle for this." And
17:46that means they raise their financial
17:47thermostat; you're no longer staying at
17:4923, now I'm going to 30. And so the
17:51mind corrects upwards and downwards.
17:54The mind corrects. If, as I say, due to
17:57a turn of life you find yourself in a
17:58shack, you'll say, "No, no, no, there's
18:00no way I'm staying here." So you
18:01correct back to your thermostat, to
18:03César's. But if suddenly a lot of
18:06money comes your way, like people who
18:08win the lottery,
18:09Yes?
18:10It corrects.
18:12That case is always very, very
18:13well-known. Yes,
18:14of course. People who win a lot of cash
18:16in the lottery or, I don't know, are
18:18suddenly very good at a sport and earn
18:20a lot of money at one point in their
18:21life, but then their mind corrects back
18:23downwards, and it's because of the
18:25limiting beliefs we have. So, you want
18:28more economic prosperity, modify your
18:31financial thermostat, modify it, adjust
18:34it.
18:35To what extent is it easy to modify
18:36that? No,
18:37You don't have to do personal work,
18:38meaning, you have to change a series of
18:40beliefs there. Money is wonderful,
18:43money comes to me, wealthy people are
18:45good, the...the...you have to start
18:47detecting what your energy leaks are in
18:49that sense and plug them, and let, well
18:52, well, what you deserve and what you
18:54are capable of achieving, not hold you
18:56back. Limiting beliefs in that sense.
19:01When it comes to wanting to get more
19:03money,
19:03yes,
19:05it is important, for example, to
19:07visualize ourselves with that money
19:08already. Totally, totally. But this
19:12isn't something esoteric or magical. I
19:14always say it, everything I say, I say
19:15based on science. Careful. Uh, so the
19:17topic of visualization regarding money
19:20or regarding anything, what you are
19:23giving it, imagine, Cesar, the
19:25conscious part is like an iPhone 4,
19:27right? Remember how you had to delete
19:29photos so there would be enough space?
19:32Well, that's the conscious part,
19:33meaning, at a conscious level you
19:35cannot detect 100%of the inputs in
19:37reality nor the opportunities, which is
19:39my point. So, there is a system that is
19:41the ascending reticular activating
19:43system in the brain, which is like the
19:45filter for attention, because attention
19:46is limited. So, suddenly you are like
19:49this, okay, with both eyes covered. Yes
19:51,
19:51when you visualize, what you are doing
19:54is this, that is, you uncover one eye,
19:57meaning, you focus this system, you
19:59focus your attention to detect
20:01opportunities. So, you visualize
20:04yourself, you visualize that this
20:05podcast is going to be incredible, you
20:07visualize that you are going to have
20:09brutal success. You are preparing your
20:12brain to be able to detect
20:13opportunities, events, people,
20:18situations that foster the fact that
20:21what you are visualizing is viable,
20:24okay? You detect opportunities and then
20:27at the same time you are telling your
20:29brain, "Feel comfortable there, this is
20:31viable," because the brain has a
20:33particularity and that is that the only
20:35thing it wants is for you to survive
20:37from the African savannah and so on.
20:39What it cares about is for you to give
20:41it food, to give it pleasure, dopamine,
20:42to survive. What happens when you are
20:44going to undertake something? The brain
20:46fills you with fear, it is telling you,
20:48"Carl, why bother if we have food and
20:49we aren't cold, why are you going to
20:50get into this mess now?" So, it scares
20:53you so you don't do it. And then
20:55there's the conscious part where you
20:57tell your brain, "Excuse me,
20:58I'm in charge here.
20:59Hold my drink." Exactly, I mean, you're
21:03telling your brain, "No, take it easy."
21:05And visualization calms your brain,
21:07because the brain can't distinguish if
21:09what you're visualizing is true or not.
21:11So, you visualize, imagine yourself
21:14giving a talk, okay? Then, your brain
21:16won't scare you as much when you have
21:18—or it's less likely to—when you
21:19actually have to give the talk because
21:21it's already lived through it and knows
21:22nothing will happen.
21:24And it knows you've done it well. So,
21:26visualization isn't something esoteric.
21:30I always say the same thing, it's very,
21:32very scientific. In fact, Olympic
21:34athletes, practically all of them
21:37practice visualization, but it's
21:39interesting not only in sports, but in
21:41any field. Because of what I'm telling
21:44you, you're orienting your brain toward
21:47where you want to go. And you have to
21:50understand that we have a biological
21:52system millions of years old that holds
21:54us back in many ways. That's why
21:57there's one part of the human being
21:58that wants to go that way, but there's
22:00another part pulling you the other way.
22:02So, you have to understand
22:05what's pulling you the other way and
22:07with that 5%conscious part, take the
22:09helm of the other 95%, which is the
22:11subconscious part; imagine the
22:12difference. The thing is, when you use
22:17that 5%, which is what I do with my
22:19method, using that 5%to go to that 95%
22:21and say, "Let's see, what do you want?
22:24What do you want to change? Who do you
22:25want to be?" When someone comes to me
22:27and consults me,
22:28yes,
22:29I tell them, "Let's see, who do you
22:30want to be? Who do you admire?" Oh,
22:32well, I admire so-and-so. Okay, well,
22:34what you admire is within you. If not,
22:37you couldn't admire it.
22:38Ah, yes,
22:39yes. I mean, and what you criticize—
22:41this is very, very beautiful. Exactly,
22:44what you admire most and what you
22:46criticize most are aspects of yourself
22:48that you aren't bringing to light. What
22:51you admire most, out of fear. That's
22:53why I tell you that when you stop
22:55caring about what others think, at that
22:57moment you become unstoppable because
22:59you say, "I'll do it, I'll do it afraid
23:01, but I'll do it because I don't care
23:03what people think or don't think. I
23:05know who I am and I'm going for it." So
23:08, what you admire in others is because
23:10it's latent in you and it's there to
23:12bloom. It has to come out.
23:14It has to come out. So, I really like
23:16awakening that in people because,
23:18besides that, I'm good at detecting
23:21other people's talents.
23:23How beautiful,
23:24right? Mine, uh, others '. I'm good at
23:26it. I'm naturally good at it. I've been
23:29teaching for many years,
23:30yeah?
23:31For twenty-something years. And it is
23:34true that whenever I've seen a student,
23:37and there are many people with many
23:39self-limiting beliefs, like in the
23:41metaphor of the eagle living among
23:43chickens, right? There are many, many,
23:47many eagles living like chickens
23:49without spreading all their wings,
23:51their potential, and that is what's
23:52beautiful and what I like the most,
23:54awakening that potential. So, of course
23:58, if you tell me, look, I admire people
24:01, I've always admired people,
24:03personally I, people who wake up
24:05consciousness, who speak in public, and
24:08that was something I wanted to do,
24:11who add value,
24:13who add value. My sense of purpose
24:15today is that, which is not the same as
24:1720 years ago.
24:18Right,
24:19I was raising my children alone. Right.
24:21So I had a different sense of purpose.
24:23The meaning of life changes constantly.
24:25Absolutely. We are not any one way. We
24:27are becoming. This is something I
24:29always tell people, "It's that I am, no
24:31, you are nothing, you are becoming."
24:33So, no, I am very forgetful, a girl
24:34told me the other day. I say, "Let's
24:35see, do you have children?""Yes, and I
24:37have a child." I say, "Have you ever
24:39left him in the car?" She says, "No, I
24:41say, you aren't forgetful because
24:42that's important."
24:43So, what happens? That it's a
24:45self-fulfilling prophecy, the brain
24:47will always fulfill what you tell it.
24:50In other words, it won't question you.
24:51If you tell yourself you're
24:53absent-minded, well, you'll basically
24:55forget things to reinforce that belief
24:57you have about yourself.
24:58Exactly.
24:58Turn it around. It’s strange at first
25:00, though, right? Because at the
25:02beginning, when you have a belief that
25:05you are a certain way, your behavior
25:07will inevitably align with that
25:09self-concept you hold. So, when you
25:11give yourself a different self-concept,
25:13it’s like dressing up as someone who
25:15isn't you. But through repetition,
25:18which is how the brain learns, just
25:20like we grow muscles by doing reps at
25:23the gym, the brain also...
25:25Exactly, exactly.
25:26It’s its own gym, right?
25:27Its own gym. I have a mind gym, I
25:28always say the same thing. I always use
25:31that metaphor because since I love
25:32training, well then, I say I train, I
25:34train, and I train my brain too; I mean
25:36, I train brains, I’m a brain trainer
25:38.
25:39I train all day long.
25:42How do you train a brain?
25:44Well, look, I always say the same thing
25:46. Cesa, if you come to me and want me
25:48to train your brain, the first thing I
25:50have to do is get to know you. Let’s
25:51see which beliefs are the ones limiting
25:53you. Who do you want to be? Where do
25:55you want to get to? Then, we detect the
25:57beliefs and then I’ll give you some
25:59work to do, right? Like if it were
26:01pills. Eh, I tell you the same thing. I
26:03say, take this every 8 hours like
26:05antibiotics. So I say, I’ll give you
26:07an audio for this in the morning when
26:08you wake up. I’ll give you another
26:10audio for this other thing. Now, if you
26:12don’t listen to them, it’s like if
26:15I give you a routine for...Right, but
26:17when people realize, for example, this
26:19group that is finishing now, we do
26:21group Zoom sessions on Thursday nights,
26:23we get them together and my soul is
26:25filled when I see them; it’s not just
26:27, "I couldn’t speak in public and now
26:29I can speak in public." It’s that
26:33I’m in such a good mood, I wake up
26:35better, I’m less reactive, I’m less
26:37negative, because your brain, all of
26:38that is brewing; I mean, all the
26:40information you feed it. Look, an hour
26:43before sleep, I always say the same
26:46thing: turn off Wi-Fi, turn off mobile
26:49data, go to bed without the internet, I
26:52mean, the brain is absolutely receptive
26:54to reprogramming in that hour before
26:57sleep. So, put quality things into it,
27:00mental protein. If you want, listen to
27:03a podcast, listen, not just success,
27:05listen to a podcast, it's mental
27:07protein, it's good, good information,
27:09okay? But don't watch the news, for
27:11example, and if you listen to one of my
27:13audios, you'll wake up feeling like a
27:14god, you know? You wake up, I mean, you
27:17don't really know what's happening to
27:19you, but you notice you're happier,
27:20less reactive, things are going better
27:22for you, and it's because the mind is
27:24very reprogrammable and this is what
27:26people have to try, that the mind is
27:28super reprogrammable. We aren't static;
27:31we are constantly, constantly being
27:32changed by our experiences.
27:34Exactly.
27:34Right now, you go out and a dog bites
27:36you, and suddenly your brain has just
27:38connected a fear of dogs. You have a
27:41belief that dogs are bad. A belief has
27:44just begun in you.
27:46Just because of that,
27:47just because of that, that belief
27:48starts. What happens? That the beliefs,
27:51then when you see a dog, your brain,
27:53which is designed to launch thoughts,
27:56will trigger a thought of fear,
27:58logically, so that you protect yourself
28:00. So there we already have a neural
28:03pathway that you just generated with an
28:05experience that has created a belief
28:07that absolutely modifies your way of
28:10thinking in that sense. So, in the same
28:13way that it is susceptible to producing
28:16a new belief, the brain is also
28:18susceptible to changing the beliefs you
28:20don't like. Who do you want to be? It's
28:23the question I ask people. Let's see,
28:24who do you want to be?
28:25It's very difficult to answer that
28:26question. I always say to think about
28:29who you admire; it helps a lot. And I
28:32don't like to speak in the negative. In
28:34fact, in an interview just recently,
28:35they asked me, "Who would you not go to
28:37dinner with?"
28:38And I said, "Oh, God." I say, "I don't
28:40know."
28:41I say, "Ask me who I would go with."
28:43I say, "Who would I?" I have a ton of
28:45people.
28:46Who would I? I can think of many people
28:49I admire and would love to spend time
28:51with, but as for who I wouldn't, I
28:53don't even waste mental energy thinking
28:55about it, and my mind went blank.
28:57So, who would you actually go to dinner
28:59with? We're saying it's the people we
29:02would like to be like,
29:04for example, or who we could learn
29:07something from. I mean, people who you
29:10find nourishing. We can learn something
29:13from everyone, mind you, but there are
29:16people who especially resonate with us
29:18in that sense. You must have people you
29:20think, "Oh, I'd love to go to dinner
29:22with this person or have a coffee, it
29:24doesn't matter, same thing." Spending
29:26time with that person, being able to
29:28look them in the eye and learn from
29:30them. Authentic people. "I really like
29:32authentic people,
29:33people who...because in the end, César
29:37, in a photo, it can be a total act.
29:41And more so nowadays with filters that
29:42even their own mothers wouldn't
29:43recognize,
29:45but in an interview, on a podcast, at
29:47dinner with someone, spending time with
29:49someone, you can see that person,
29:51the authenticity of that person.
29:53Well, there are also real...
29:55characters.
29:56Characters, you know? Who are...
29:58total impostors.
29:59Yes, yes. I find it...I would find it
30:01so exhausting if I had to come here and
30:03pretend to be someone I'm not, how
30:05exhausting.
30:05Wow, acting the whole time is
30:07complicated.
30:08How exhausting. Isn't it much easier to
30:09maintain a coherent thread and say,"
30:11Look, what if someone doesn't like me?
30:13"It's impossible to please everyone.
30:15So, it's impossible. So, I don't care.
30:17The truth is, I really don't care.
30:19So, it's what I said a while ago, when
30:21you stop caring...
30:23I don't measure my words, worrying
30:25about what I'm going to say, because
30:27then I'd be stifling myself; I wouldn't
30:28be me anymore and I would completely
30:30lose that naturalness, the spontaneity,
30:32which I believe is the most important
30:33value today.
30:35Yes. Being yourself.
30:37Completely.
30:38Totally.
30:40We can get diseases because of those
30:46beliefs.
30:47Oof! What a topic. Yes, more than 80%of
30:51illnesses today—well, let me be more
30:54exact—the people who go to the
30:56emergency room today are there because
30:59of many psychosomatic illnesses. I mean
31:05, look, when I explain it to you with
31:07the subject of stress, which is the
31:10pandemic of today, right?
31:14We have a physique that, as I've
31:16explained through evolutionary
31:18psychology, is designed to be oriented
31:20outwards, toward threats, toward
31:22predators, okay? So, the brain becomes
31:26hyperactive to be, uh, on the lookout
31:28for threats
31:30for millions of years. Like that. What
31:32happens? That now you sit in front of a
31:34screen in a Zoom meeting with your boss
31:36. Yes.
31:37And so, what does our biology do, what
31:40we've had imprinted for millions of
31:43years? Well, the heart beats faster,
31:47becomes erratic, there is a loss of
31:53heart coherence; that is, the heart's
31:55rhythm is lost, arrhythmias. It's truly
31:59wild, all of this. Uh, blood goes to
32:02the legs, the adrenal gland, yes, to
32:04flee when you can't flee because you're
32:06in a Zoom meeting. So, of course, all
32:09of that, for millions of years your
32:10body has evolved to have that
32:12physiological response, but it's no
32:14longer adapted to what we have today,
32:15which is why there is so much tension,
32:17all of that keeps the body tense.
32:19That's why at night there are many
32:20people who walk around with their
32:22shoulders like this, there's a lot of
32:23tension. Then, what I was telling you,
32:25the adrenal glands release cortisol
32:27into the bloodstream. What cortisol
32:29does is cause all of this; cortisol is
32:31fine in its proper measure and at the
32:34right moment. When an animal was
32:35chasing you, in the African savanna, it
32:37was very good for running away.
32:38Sure,
32:39as happens now with, for example, a
32:40gazelle. What happens? That the gazelle
32:42, once the animal stops chasing it,
32:43doesn't stay there stressing out saying
32:45," What an idiot, why did it pass
32:46through here, it's going to eat me,
32:48it's going to eat me tomorrow. "The
32:50gazelle doesn't do that. The gazelle
32:53uses that cortisol at the moment it
32:54needs it and then it's over, it starts
32:56eating placidly and so on. Humans don't
32:59, because the mind sends you thoughts
33:01of" oh, and now this, "and so you don't
33:03lower your cortisol level. When the
33:07cortisol level increases, what happens
33:09is that the immune system is suppressed
33:11, because it's not important to fight
33:13bacteria, viruses, and microorganisms
33:15at that moment, but rather a real
33:17external threat. What happens today?
33:21The stress we experience today, that
33:24many people have today, makes those
33:27systems, that cortisol system, that
33:30spike in cortisol,
33:31cause the immune system to be at its
33:34lowest, and then they are more exposed
33:36to illnesses, absolutely. And beliefs
33:39cause illnesses, of course. The mind is
33:42hyper-powerful, super-powerful. So, I
33:45always say, you have to choose your
33:48thoughts very carefully, because when
33:51you have a belief, you give meaning to
33:53the world, and depending on that
33:56meaning, you can experience it as an
33:59opportunity or as a threat. For example
34:02, imagine two coworkers and they both
34:04get fired. So one sees it and says,"
34:06Look, well, I'm going to start my own
34:08business, which I wanted to do;
34:09everything happens for a reason. "So
34:10they see it as an opportunity. Their
34:12parasympathetic nervous system is
34:14activated, which is the relaxing one,
34:16the one where the body grows, right?
34:19And the other says," What a disaster,
34:21it's a total apocalypse. "So for the
34:23other one, their sympathetic nervous
34:25system is activated, which is the
34:26accelerator, the one that raises
34:28cortisol, the one that makes you sick.
34:30So, it depends a lot on the
34:32interpretation of external events; you
34:35can get sick or not. That's why it's
34:38super important to modify your beliefs,
34:40to try to see the world as—I always
34:42say the same thing—there are two ways
34:44to see the world: as a threat or as an
34:46opportunity. And life, I promise you,
34:49César, that I have learned to live it
34:51as an opportunity and for me, it's
34:53exciting. I wake up in the morning
34:54excited, wondering what will happen
34:55today.
34:56Wondering what will happen today.
34:56Yes, but it's something that completely
34:58changes your way of being in the world
35:00and that's where the magic begins. So
35:02you say," Let's see, let's see, let's
35:03see what's going to happen today. "But
35:04from a place of excitement, from a
35:06place of good vibes. So that changes
35:09you completely.
35:11Good things can happen to us every
35:13single day.
35:13Good things can happen to us every
35:15single day. I always say it. And look
35:17for the good things using this filter I
35:19mentioned, okay? Using this filter. You
35:21have to educate your brain. The brain
35:22can be educated. It's waiting all the
35:24time for us to educate it. If you go
35:26out into the street—and notice that
35:28even the proverbs support this, you
35:30know? Like" I'm having a run of bad
35:31luck "or" I got out of bed on the wrong
35:33side. "So, because you’re already on
35:35a bad frequency, you’re constantly
35:37attracting those kinds of situations.
35:40It’s a it’s a wonderful thing,
35:43what they’ve instilled in us.
35:44So, flip the switch. So, sometimes I go
35:47out and walk my dog and I try to
35:49connect with people, right? When
35:52someone looks at my dog, when someone
35:53looks at my dog with good vibes, I say,
35:55that’s it, they’re my friend now,
35:57that’s it. I love this person. Or or
36:00to connect, connect with people,
36:01connect with individuals. We are social
36:04beings and it is super important.
36:06I imagine there are many studies on
36:07what I’m about to mention. Uh, rich
36:10families, for example, I understand
36:12that the parents, just like in humble
36:14or poor families, where it’s normal
36:16to be humble or poor, the same thing
36:18happens in rich families,
36:21I mean, they’re going to have an
36:22alert, open mind, eager to start
36:24businesses and take on the world.
36:25Totally, totally. I don’t know if
36:27eager to start businesses and take on
36:28the world, but with a higher financial
36:29ceiling, for sure. Like we were saying
36:31about the thermostat. So, obviously
36:34there are exceptions like like
36:36everywhere else, right? But it is true
36:40that those brakes that exist in other
36:42social strata aren't there, meaning,
36:44those beliefs that money is bad don't
36:47exist, right? Because because they’ve
36:50grown up surrounded by money and
36:51glitter. So, no, money is wonderful. So
36:55, then, obviously the connections,
36:57which is a more logical thing; but
36:59regardless of that, if we go to the
37:02concept of a financial ceiling, clearly
37:04, they have it at the top, so, they
37:07will find a way to put their money to
37:09work, because you have to put money to
37:12work for you. Meaning, wealthy people
37:16don’t work, they think. So, you have
37:18to think.
37:18Right,
37:19if you are working, you don’t have
37:20time to think. Right, when when a
37:22person wants to aspire to earn more
37:25money, to have more power, to live
37:27doing what they really want, is it good
37:29to surround yourself with people who
37:32already have it?
37:33Of course, we are the average of the
37:35five people who surround us. So, if you
37:37are next to someone who is an
37:39entrepreneur, if you are next to
37:41someone who has good ideas, if you are
37:43next to someone who, or people, in
37:45general I mean...but yes, yes, I mean,
37:48your environment pulls you down. Watch
37:51out, because if you're surrounded by a
37:52bunch of naysayers asking," Where are
37:53you going? "And now, why? We're doing
37:55so well, let's just stay in our comfort
37:57zone, right? So, in the end, who you
37:59surround yourself with is super
38:01important, and as you evolve, you
38:02realize that some people become
38:03obsolete in your life. There are people
38:06who don't keep up with you,
38:07and it feels bad. Truly.
38:09It feels bad, but you have to keep the
38:11affection while lowering the contact,
38:14because in the end, it's like, well,
38:16these are people who were part of your
38:18life at one point and were wonderful
38:20back then, but today, they’re the
38:22typical friend who, you know, is always
38:24...
38:26complaining,
38:27complaining non-stop, and that drags
38:29you down and doesn't allow you, it
38:31doesn't allow you to evolve and
38:34flourish. So, you have to surround
38:36yourself with people who have those
38:38same interests, who lift you up.
38:41Often, it's even family, right? You
38:43realize that as you grow up, getting
38:45older, you start leaving family aside a
38:48bit for that reason,
38:49because they aren't on your wavelength,
38:50right?
38:51Exactly, no. The family tree also needs
38:53pruning. I say that sometimes.
38:54Yes, yes, yes. Sometimes, yes, it's
38:57just that, of course, you have to
38:59accept it, and when there are moments
39:00where you have no choice but to share
39:02time and space with those people, put
39:04on an emotional raincoat and say," Well
39:06, your complaints won't affect me. "I
39:09mean, I know who I am, I know where I'm
39:11going. No one is going to shake my
39:12resolve on where I'm headed. I mean,
39:14sure, there will always be people
39:15trying to hold you back, basically
39:16because what they're doing is
39:18challenging you. If you say," I'm going
39:20that way, and nobody is going to stop
39:21me. "The moment you actually head in
39:24the direction you said, saying," I'm
39:26going there and I will surely succeed.
39:29"Where are you going? They will try to
39:30stop you because that challenges their
39:33own limits. I mean, when you are
39:34crossing a boundary, you're telling the
39:36world," Hey, look, this can actually be
39:38crossed, you know? "
39:39Exactly.
39:40So, when I started my degree, a lot of
39:42people told me," But, now? "But if you
39:45own a business, you have people working
39:46for you who need it, and I say," Why do
39:48I feel like it? "
39:50That's it, nothing more. Of course,
39:51because I've always wanted to do this
39:54and and I'm moved by enthusiasm.
39:56Whenever I think about this project,
39:58right? I I really look at the people
40:02who have already achieved it. It's just
40:03that
40:04Exactly.
40:04I always think the same thing, right?
40:05If one person has already achieved
40:07something, why can't you achieve it?
40:08Exactly. That's that's the key, César.
40:12Modeling those who have done it. In
40:14other words, how did they do it? Look,
40:16in the end, there are few things that
40:19Plato and Aristotle haven't already
40:21said, and the rest of us have been
40:23following in their wake, right? But I
40:26mean that yes, yes. I mean, if someone
40:28can do it, you can do it too. If
40:30someone else can do it, so can you. And
40:32there are people who focus a lot on
40:34those who don't, no, because the
40:36criticism, no, no. I mean, look to see
40:38who it works for, why it works for them
40:41, what you can do, model the best. So,
40:45if others have been able to, you can,
40:47obviously,
40:48of course.
40:49What small daily actions can we take
40:52little by little to try to change those
40:55eh limitations, those limiting beliefs
40:58we have, actions we can do every day?
41:00Anyone can do
41:02anyone. Look, I'll tell you a routine
41:04that I do and that I also recommend to
41:06the people who work with me. I start by
41:10Obviously, everyone has their own pace
41:13and and you have to adapt it
41:15individually, but there are small
41:17things, small changes that that impact
41:20your day-to-day life a lot. For example
41:23, I get up in the morning and the first
41:25thing I do is take an ice-cold shower,
41:27regardless of the season or the place.
41:29I mean, I was in Lithuania recently, in
41:31the Baltic, and cold water, and I don't
41:33care. The the brain at first tries to
41:35get you to do something your brain
41:37doesn't feel like doing. So it's a way
41:39of telling your brain," I'm in charge
41:41here, "because your brain, as I told
41:43you, all it wants is for you to feed it
41:45, give it dopamine, keep it warm, and
41:46not take risks. So, of course, it's a
41:50way of of transcending, well, that's it
41:52, it's like taking power, and besides,
41:54it also stimulates the vagus nerve. I
41:56mean, it has a lot of...The vagus nerve
41:58is what modulates the parasympathetic
41:59nervous system, which is what relaxes
42:01you; a cold shower seems like it's
42:02going to activate you, but at the same
42:04time, it stimulates the vagus nerve,
42:05which is what relaxes you. That's crazy
42:07.
42:08Yeah, yeah, but it has many
42:10physiological benefits. So, I start
42:13with a cold shower, then I have my
42:15coffee, and I dedicate 10 minutes—I
42:17don't dedicate more—to gratitude,
42:20like, just for anything. We have so
42:23many reasons to be grateful for things.
42:25Different ones every day.
42:26Every day, or the same ones, it doesn't
42:28matter. I mean, the coffee you drink,
42:30the water. And I live alone here in
42:33this huge apartment; so many people
42:36can't afford it, and I'm lucky to have
42:38this, so we're making the brain look
42:41for more emotions that are in sync with
42:44gratitude. Gratitude is something super
42:48powerful, super powerful. So, every day
42:51I start with at least 5 or 10 minutes
42:53of gratitude. Well, I have audio
42:55recordings for that. I play my own
42:57audio recordings, you know?
42:58Yeah, yeah. So, I have audios where I
43:01start with gratitude for the day, and
43:04yes, and then exercise. This is
43:07obviously because there are two ways,
43:09exercise and meditation, there are two
43:10ways to generate neurogenesis in the
43:12hippocampus. The hippocampus is what
43:14modulates the amygdala's activity,
43:15which is the one for powerful emotions
43:17and drama, okay? So, in the hippocampus
43:19, the more neurogenesis, the more
43:21neurons in the hippocampus, the more
43:22the amygdala is modulated. People are
43:24calmer. That's why people tell me," I'm
43:27calmer, I'm less reactive, I mean, I
43:29take things in better humor. "" Right.
43:31By doing meditation or exercise? "
43:33Meditation and exercise are the two
43:34ways. Well, one or the other, or if you
43:36do both, perfect, right?
43:39But meditation and exercise are proven
43:41to produce neurogenesis in the
43:43hippocampus and in the left
43:44orbitofrontal cortex, okay? Which is
43:47also what modulates emotions. So, the
43:50person becomes less reactive. Hm. You
43:54control everything much better, you're
43:57more positive, so they're all benefits.
44:00So, meditation, exercise, and then
44:02mental reprogramming right before going
44:05to sleep. I mean, this—this changes
44:07your life, César, it changes it.
44:10That is where the brain is most alert
44:12to those kinds of things.
44:13Yes. I mean, as adults, the brain
44:15learns in two ways: either through
44:17repetition or through hypnologic states
44:19, that is, by slowing down brain waves.
44:22The thing is that the topic of hypnosis
44:24, of course, is highly disparaged
44:26because of the whole circus and
44:28showmanship around it, but it is fully
44:30proven that by lowering brain waves,
44:32what we do is, let's say, make the
44:33brain act like that of a small child.
44:37So, in that sense, it's like a sponge,
44:39which is why what you are feeding it is
44:41so important. I mean, at that moment,
44:43if you go to bed listening to the news,
44:45bad idea.
44:46Bad. I mean, really bad; the next
44:48morning you'll see everything
44:50negatively, you'll enter a spiral of
44:52complaining, you'll live in fear,
44:53you'll be on edge the whole time,
44:55because that's what the news is, which
44:57doesn't mean one should be uninformed.
44:59Mind you, be informed. I don't keep
45:01myself informed; if something major
45:03happens, I'll find out, but the rest,
45:04like someone being stabbed here or
45:06there, it neither adds nor takes away
45:07from me, I'm not interested. All it
45:09does is put me in an energetic state
45:11that I don't want to be in. So, what is
45:13extremely important is right before
45:16sleeping: what is your brain consuming
45:18before sleep? Because that is what it
45:20will be cooking later during your sleep
45:22. So, when I provide people with an
45:24audio, for example, they tell me," I
45:25never finish listening to it, it lasts
45:2715 minutes, but people fall asleep
45:28before then. "People who were taking
45:30sleeping pills stop taking them. I mean
45:32, it’s a very, very...Yes, yes. Are
45:34the audios you speaking?
45:35It’s me speaking, of course. I mean,
45:38what I do is speak in a specific tone
45:41of voice, with music at certain hertz,
45:44with pauses at specific moments. I mean
45:48, it's all very well-studied, so people
45:50don't quite know why, but listening to
45:52it day after day after day in this
45:54group I mentioned, where I have so many
45:56people giving me feedback, many people
45:59privately,
46:00it's a group where you can't see the
46:01phone numbers of others for privacy
46:03reasons, but mine is public. And so
46:05many people, it gives me life when
46:07people tell me," I love it, it makes me
46:09super happy because I used to take
46:10pills to sleep and now I don't, and now
46:12I wake up happier, I'm super active,
46:14and I love the morning meditation. "
46:16Morning meditation or morning exercise
46:18is like starting the day with a good
46:21vibe, a good mood, and the one at night
46:24is to wind down and reprogram,
46:26to open the mind.
46:28Yes, we open that door to the
46:29subconscious, we put quality things in
46:32there, that is, we put in quality
46:33affirmations, we are reprogramming.
46:37It's wonderful,
46:38the subject of gratitude. More and more
46:41people tell me they do it. Yes,
46:43recently we had another guest here on
46:44the podcast who told me the same thing.
46:47I understand it works and you feel
46:49better. It's scientifically proven.
46:52Scientifically.
46:53Scientifically. In functional MRI, you
46:55can see brain activity when, for
46:57example, you get into states of
46:59meditation or gratitude. So, gratitude
47:02...I don't remember the study well, but
47:04there is a study that was also
47:05published in the same journal I
47:07mentioned earlier, Science,
47:09which talked about neurogenesis. I
47:12think it was, I don't know if it was a
47:14month or a month and a half of
47:15practicing gratitude every day. It had
47:18also produced, or rather, there was
47:20neurogenesis, I think it was also in
47:22the left ventrolateral cortex. In other
47:25words, there is scientific evidence
47:27that gratitude, practicing gratitude,
47:29or doing something for others. This
47:32study also said, for example, picking
47:35up a bag, doing one altruistic gesture
47:37a day: an elderly lady, an elderly
47:39gentleman, picking up a bag, helping
47:42them, I don't know, buying someone a
47:44coffee one day, or stopping to talk to
47:46an elderly neighbor, any act of
47:48altruism. Also, this is very powerful.
47:53I just remembered a lecture by Perla
47:55Caliman, who is a world expert in
47:58epigenetics; this woman said that
48:00altruism lengthened the telomeres of
48:02cells, which are what determine
48:05give us more life.
48:06Exactly. They determine the youth of
48:08the cell. In other words, better states
48:12of health are reported. Altruism,
48:16gratitude. When you have...when you are
48:19grateful,
48:21the brain shows you more scenarios to
48:23be grateful for, and that means it
48:25shows you more opportunities. That is
48:29the key, I mean, gratitude, which seems
48:31like something very, I insist, very"
48:33hippie, "right? It's just—it's just
48:35science. So, everything I say is based
48:38on science, and more and more, science
48:40is getting closer to what many ancient
48:42traditions have been saying for a long
48:45time,
48:45to the esoteric side of things, right?
48:46Yes, that’s exactly what I love most
48:48about the world, when we can—because
48:51we have to be very humble and realize
48:53that with the human perceptual system,
48:55we only detect a tiny fraction of
48:57reality. I mean, imagine, Cesar, 100
49:00years ago, a dog would suddenly run off
49:02, and nobody really understood why, and
49:04it's because they detect audio
49:05frequencies that a human doesn't. But
49:08100 years ago, we didn't have the
49:09instruments to measure it.
49:10Exactly.
49:11Those frequencies existed, yes, but we
49:13couldn't see them or measure them. So,
49:15what happens? We are evolving on a
49:18scientific level. Science explains a
49:21part of reality, but it’s a tiny part
49:23. I mean, it hardly explains anything.
49:25Einstein used to say that we barely see
49:27the lion's tail, not the whole lion by
49:29a long shot. So, of course, that’s
49:31why I say that, for example, gratitude,
49:34which might seem very intangible and
49:36very—well, it’s being proven that
49:38there are morphological changes in the
49:41brain. Morphological.
49:43How do we do it? We wake up, grab a
49:44notebook, and start writing,
49:46for example, there are gratitude
49:48journals, or maybe a voice note, or
49:51just opening your eyes and—I’m warm
49:55, I have a mattress, I have a bed—and
49:57opening, opening—I—there’s one
49:59thing I’ve been doing since my
50:00children were small, you know? And that
50:02is to greet the world when I wake up.
50:04Good morning, world. I’m here again,
50:06another day. And it’s very curious
50:09now because when I do it, I still keep
50:11doing it, and I open—I live in a
50:13place where a lot of light comes in, so
50:15I open the shutters and say good
50:17morning, and my dog comes running over,
50:19all excited, and I think, look,
50:21my children have already flown the nest
50:23, but my dog still comes over, catching
50:25that joy. I have one more day to enjoy,
50:28to live, for life to surprise me, to
50:30bring me beautiful things. Though, what
50:32I do notice is that there are more and
50:35more grumpy people.
50:37Yes.
50:38I mean, fewer and fewer people smiling
50:40on the street.
50:41Yes.
50:42And it’s very sad.
50:43It’s very sad. Yes. There’s a lot
50:46of—there’s a lot of dissonance
50:48between what one has inside and what is
50:51on the outside. It's partly what we
50:53were talking about, that we have a
50:55biological system designed over
50:57millions of years to function in a
50:59society we're not adapted to. To this,
51:02to this lifestyle. We are absolutely
51:04disconnected from the body. This is
51:06something that is terrible. The mind
51:08has possessed us. The mind is an
51:10instrument at our service that has
51:12taken control.
51:13That is to say,
51:14How good.
51:14The mind, yes. The mind is something
51:18that should serve us, and it does serve
51:20us, and it has served us throughout all
51:23of evolution to program, to communicate
51:25, to have thoughts, but we don't think.
51:28Now we have thoughts, which isn't the
51:30same,
51:30we don't invent anymore,
51:32creativity isn't lost, it's lost and
51:35the body, the disconnection from the
51:37body is largely the evil of these days.
51:41And something that is hyper, eh, I
51:43realize more and more the more I work
51:46with more people with different
51:47problems, the common denominator is
51:49that disconnection from the body.
51:52Emotions are messengers. Emotions tell
51:55you what it is, what is happening to
51:57you. And we aren't taught emotional
51:59education in schools so that, when you
52:01have a discomfort in a certain part of
52:04your body, you know that what's there
52:06is an emotion telling you that there is
52:08a belief that is harming you. It's just
52:10that everything goes there. That is to
52:12say, the body is communicating with the
52:14brain all the time. It's what we were
52:16talking about before regarding cellular
52:18addiction, for example, right?
52:20Eh, look at complaining, which you
52:22mentioned a while ago, César. There
52:25are people who complain at will
52:26systematically, all the time.
52:29All the time.
52:29I, there are people I tell," If you
52:30don't complain, who are you? What do
52:32you talk about? "Because sometimes I'm
52:34a bit heavy, but there are people who
52:35need it, there are people who need a
52:37jolt. So, let's see, what do you talk
52:39about when you complain?
52:40So, what happens there? That there is a
52:41cellular addiction. It's just that this
52:43is the body. We return to the same
52:44thing again. There is a chemical
52:46addiction. That is to say, if you open
52:48your eyes in the morning and your cells
52:50are accustomed to the chemistry of
52:52complaining, okay? Eh, norepinephrine,
52:54adrenaline, the stuff that puts you in
52:56a bad mood, okay? If your cells don't
52:59have that chemistry, how do they
53:01communicate? The system talks to the
53:05brain, the brain triggers thoughts to
53:08release neurotransmitters and sends
53:11them to the body to calm the cells down
53:14. The body is addicted. This is super
53:17powerful. There is a bodily addiction.
53:21The body, I insist, this is very
53:23powerful. I'm analyz—
53:25Yes, yes, yes. The body sends
53:27information to the brain. Evidently,
53:29this is at a subconscious level, this
53:31is—of course, of course.
53:32And so, when you open your eyes in the
53:35morning and don't feel anything, your
53:37body will cause your brain to send
53:39thoughts like," There's the neighbor
53:42walking, look, damn, the construction
53:44workers again, now, "because your body
53:46is used to that. So, you have to......
53:50to the negative, you have to break the
53:52body's habit.
53:53Break the habit. The body has been
53:55conditioned to complain, the way it's
53:57conditioned. Through classic
53:59conditioning, you know, just like
54:00always, you condition it. Well, the
54:02body has been conditioned to complain,
54:03so your body is asking you for the
54:05neurochemicals of complaining. So, how
54:06does it do that? Through thoughts. What
54:09do we have to do there? Go to the body,
54:11stay in the body. That is, we've lost,
54:14because of what I told you about having
54:16our attention focused outward for
54:17threats, we've lost contact with the
54:19body, but the body is communicating
54:21with us the whole time; we just don't
54:23hear it. So, meditation, for example,
54:25the mindfulness that is so trendy now
54:27is," Be present, be in your body,
54:29listen to yourself, because it's going
54:31to give you information about all this.
54:33"
54:33Wow!
54:34And then, you also need more and more
54:35each time. Look at very old people, for
54:37example, who won't stop complaining;
54:39the older they get, the grumpier they
54:40are. Of course, because they are
54:42hyper-addicted to their body, to
54:43complaining. Their cells are addicted
54:45to the, to the, to the chemistry of
54:47complaining. It's insane.
54:50Those people aren't happy, they don't
54:51smile, and—
54:52No. Because if you forbid that person
54:55from complaining,
54:56they don't know how; they, they don't
54:58function.
54:58Right.
54:59They don't know what to talk about. I,
55:01I know people, and I try not to stay
55:03long because it really—to me, since
55:06I'm in a good mood, since—
55:08Right, it drains your energy, doesn't
55:09it?
55:09Exactly. I mean, it's like," What do I
55:11talk about now? "" What do I do? "" Do
55:12I validate the complaint? "I don't feel
55:14like validating the complaint.
55:15It's funny because then those people
55:16get together with people just like them
55:18who only complain. So then let's see
55:19who complains the most, right?
55:21Exactly. At their discretion. And then
55:23they start and bring up politics, or
55:25bring up, I don't know, anything
55:26susceptible to
55:27Franco, or they go off to, I don't know
55:28, Jesus Christ, you know,
55:29whatever it may be.
55:31So it’s a discourse of complaints,
55:33and of course, when you're in a good
55:34mood, you don't feel like validating
55:36people's complaints. They think you
55:38don't know what, and you're left
55:39thinking, well, what do I say to them
55:40now?
55:41Right, right.
55:42What do I even talk about with that
55:43person?
55:44Right, right. There’s a point of no
55:47return, I mean, regarding age.
55:50Yes, yes, yes. No, I think the brain is
55:53always, until we die, waiting to be
55:56educated. I don't think there is—for
55:59me, age is not a determining factor at
56:02all for anything. Logically, there will
56:05be more cellular addiction as the years
56:06pass, but it is a cellular addiction.
56:09Just like an addiction to a substance,
56:12it is reversible. Obviously it depends
56:15on—there are degrees,
56:17but I always believe that age or time
56:21is not a determining factor,
56:24don't you think?
56:24Well, interesting.
56:25No, no, no, no.
56:26For those old folks who only complain,
56:29it’s going to be harder, but I have a
56:31technique for when it’s those old
56:33folks who complain, and it’s
56:35detecting—and that is pure alchemy,
56:38it’s amazing. Hold on, César, detect
56:41what they love, for example, imagine,
56:44it touches a nerve.
56:45Ah, yes, what they love. You say,"
56:47Let’s see, this man must have a
56:49grandchild. "You ask," And your
56:51grandchild? "And then suddenly, from a
56:53look of complaint, their expression
56:56changes in a second, it’s a second,
56:58their eyes light up." Ah, my grandson,
57:00my grandson is. "And so what
57:01neutralizes the complaint is love. Yes,
57:05which could be love for a grandchild,
57:06it could be love for their work, their
57:08dog. I mean, in the end, what one—
57:12domestic animals, for example, detect
57:14—awaken a lot of tenderness, because
57:16there are many people who say," No,
57:18animals are better than people. "Well,
57:20they've taken a lot of hard hits
57:21throughout their lives. And so they
57:23have a kind of social phobia in that
57:25sense, right? They trust, they complain
57:27, they...So when, when we bring the
57:30purity of an animal to light, that's
57:32when they feel, they feel at ease. And
57:35that's when, when you touch, when
57:37you're able to see in the other, uh,
57:40what will awaken love...Love
57:42automatically neutralizes the complaint
57:44, it neutralizes the chemistry of
57:47complaining. You are the best antidote,
57:49but well, love is, it's just that even
57:52people when they are in love don't get
57:54sick. It's real chemistry. Sure. Yes,
57:57yes. Oxytocin, uh vasopressin, these
57:59are attachment hormones, all of that
58:02makes cortisol levels drop. I mean, it
58:06is very difficult for a person, or it
58:08is much more unlikely for a person to
58:10get sick when they are living, I'm not
58:12just talking about romantic infatuation
58:14, no, love, love for your children,
58:16love for what you do. Love is, it is
58:19very multifaceted.
58:20There are people who live more years
58:22because of love.
58:23Yes. When you have a why, you find the
58:27how, as the great Viktor Frankl said,
58:29right? Life's purpose, the love for, in
58:33this book" Man's Search for Meaning, "
58:36in the concentration camp he said that
58:40those who had a why survived, for
58:42example, someone to care for and
58:45protect, a why. So, love is the great,
58:50the great why of people's lives. Love
58:54for, I insist, even for what one does.
58:57Uh, the other day I entered a building
58:59and the doorman accompanied me to an
59:01office, and I have seen few people as
59:04happy working in my life, and I
59:06congratulated him. I told him," I am a
59:08big fan of yours, "and the man didn't
59:10understand anything. He says," I've
59:11been coming here for 20, I don't know
59:13how many years, I come every day
59:14happier, I love what I do. "Sure,
59:20sure, that's another one. But yes, the
59:23guy had a sparkle in his eyes when he
59:25talked about his work and what he likes
59:26, a sparkle. So, what neutralizes the
59:30complaint is love. So there is no age
59:33for that.
59:34Right.
59:35Speaking of love in terms of beliefs,
59:39there's that typical person who is
59:42changing partners every other day
59:46because none of them fit. Can that also
59:49be because of beliefs? That
59:51it comes rooted from long ago or from
59:54another generation of your family.
59:56Phew, that's a whole different ballgame
59:57. Yes, it can come from—I'll explain
1:00:00generational inheritance, which is very
1:00:02, very powerful, there have been
1:00:04experiments recently, but I think it's
1:00:07more that people are addicted to the
1:00:09neurotransmitters of infatuation, which
1:00:12is not the same as the
1:00:13neurotransmitters of love. That is to
1:00:15say, when you are in the first phase of
1:00:18getting to know someone, the phase of,
1:00:20I call it the marketing phase, which is
1:00:22when
1:00:23you bring out all the good stuff,
1:00:24of course, of course. Like, I love
1:00:25hiking, even though maybe you haven't
1:00:27been out on the trail in 15 years. Oh,
1:00:29me too. So they meet up to go hiking
1:00:31and they both end up exhausted because
1:00:33neither of them has been hiking in 15
1:00:34years. But well, that's the marketing
1:00:36phase. So, in that first phase, the
1:00:38brain releases a lot of, or releases a
1:00:40series of hormones, rather, that are
1:00:42very, very powerful for bonding, okay?
1:00:45Oxytocin, vasopressin, adrenaline. So,
1:00:49there's an explosion and some people
1:00:51get addicted to those states, okay?
1:00:54Because obviously, that passes, it has
1:00:56a shelf life, it lasts half a year, a
1:00:57year at most, because otherwise we
1:00:59wouldn't be productive, of course.
1:01:02So, biology is wonderful, it's made so
1:01:04that you bond, so that you procreate,
1:01:06but then you relax a little bit so you
1:01:08can keep providing for...and that's
1:01:11where the crisis comes in, because
1:01:13people say," Oh, I thought this was the
1:01:15one and it's not. "
1:01:17Oh, and they seemed like such a good
1:01:18match." You don't love me anymore,
1:01:19you're not... "
1:01:20You don't love me anymore, you don't
1:01:21love me anymore. Yes, but it's clear,
1:01:23there's that addiction to that
1:01:25chemistry.
1:01:27Then there could also be something
1:01:29deeper underneath, like beliefs, right?
1:01:31That you were telling me about, even
1:01:34generational ones. Exactly, because
1:01:36beliefs,
1:01:37which is something discovered very
1:01:39recently, are inherited. They did a
1:01:42classic, lifelong conditioning
1:01:43experiment with mice that were given an
1:01:45electric shock when they approached a
1:01:46cherry blossom. Then they realized
1:01:49there were morphological changes in the
1:01:51brain and the sperm, and those mice had
1:01:53offspring. It turns out that the
1:01:55children of those mice, without ever
1:01:57having been shocked with the flower,
1:01:59had an aversion, meaning they had
1:02:02inherited the trauma
1:02:03to the cherry blossom.
1:02:04To the cherry blossom without ever
1:02:06having been subjected or exposed to
1:02:07that trauma. But the most curious thing
1:02:10of all is that the first generation
1:02:11inherited it by 80-something percent.
1:02:14But the third generation inherited it
1:02:16by 100 percent. This
1:02:17it kept growing
1:02:18100 percent. The full amount is very
1:02:21strong. What does this mean? I have
1:02:23people tell me," I don't have, there
1:02:25are people who eat very fast, who
1:02:27regulate their moods a lot
1:02:28through food, "and you think, wow. And
1:02:31who's to say that maybe, J, look,
1:02:32César, three generations ago, what was
1:02:34the situation like in Spain?
1:02:35My grandfather from the war, right?
1:02:37Hunger.
1:02:37We go to war,
1:02:38right?
1:02:38Of course, a lot of hunger.
1:02:40Hunger and saying, there could be
1:02:41inherited traumas. Yes, we could be
1:02:44inheriting insecure attachments from
1:02:46our grandparents. Meaning, an insecure
1:02:49way of bonding in a relationship, eh,
1:02:51pathological jealousy that people don't
1:02:52really understand where it comes from
1:02:54or where it's going. You can work on
1:02:56that. Of course, you have to understand
1:02:58that this is a belief that doesn't come
1:03:00to you, beliefs aren't yours, they
1:03:01always come from outside or they come
1:03:03from age zero to seven, which is most
1:03:05likely, or they can even come from
1:03:06previous generations. They can be
1:03:09worked on, of course, that's the good
1:03:11news of it all. So, we don't have to
1:03:13settle for beliefs that are sabotaging
1:03:15us. Let's turn it around,
1:03:17let's put on a new skin,
1:03:19which we can put on. That is what I try
1:03:21to shout to the world, that we can put
1:03:23on a new skin that makes us much better
1:03:25off than we are, that we are not
1:03:26condemned to live in one skin.
1:03:28Sure. Why aren't all these studies and
1:03:32this science seen more?
1:03:35It's quite recent, eh, because this,
1:03:37yes, yes, this is quite recent. There
1:03:39is going to be a modification, there is
1:03:40going to be a a revolution. The thing
1:03:43is, it's true that in the scientific
1:03:46community there are very skeptical
1:03:48people and people who say," No, this
1:03:50must be replicated in a 20-year
1:03:52longitudinal study "and all that. So,
1:03:55we have to keep an open mind and be
1:03:57humble and realize that, I insist, we
1:03:58only explain a tiny part of reality and
1:04:00he who does not look, does not see. I
1:04:02mean, what we cannot do is say," No,
1:04:04this doesn't exist. "Wait, it exists,
1:04:07it's there, and well, science is
1:04:09advancing. They are reluctant because
1:04:11part of the scientific community is
1:04:13very resistant to change; they are
1:04:14stuck in classical Newtonian physics
1:04:16and you can't move them from there. But
1:04:18, hey, watch out, there are going to be
1:04:20very, very drastic changes in the next,
1:04:22I think 10, 15 years, there will be
1:04:24very powerful changes in this regard.
1:04:26How great.
1:04:27Yes.
1:04:27Earlier, when you mentioned the subject
1:04:29of the meaning of life,
1:04:30Yes?
1:04:31Okay. When a person is lost and doesn't
1:04:35know what their meaning in life is,
1:04:37is there some way to find guidance?
1:04:40Yes. I have a phrase and I'll tell it
1:04:42to you quickly. I look the person in
1:04:44the eyes and I say, for example, I'll
1:04:46ask you, okay? Now, Cesar, I ask you,
1:04:49Cesar, what do you think? Tell me in
1:04:51one word, in one or two words, what do
1:04:53you think the world is missing? What do
1:04:56you think it lacks?
1:04:58Love.
1:04:59Well, that's what you came to give it.
1:05:01That is what you—that is your life's
1:05:03purpose, okay? That is your life's
1:05:05purpose. So, for example, what you are
1:05:09doing is providing a space, a megaphone
1:05:12to the world to bring people like me,
1:05:14like others, and what you notice or
1:05:17feel the world is missing, that's what
1:05:19you came to give it. And now I'm going
1:05:22to tell you something else. When I
1:05:24asked myself that question, I said the
1:05:25same thing.
1:05:27Ah,
1:05:28peace, love.
1:05:29People lack love. So, I have come to
1:05:32give them that, I am clear about it.
1:05:33And you have come to give that to the
1:05:34world. That is your life's purpose.
1:05:38Couldn't it also be that I believe that
1:05:40because deep down I haven't had as much
1:05:45of it as I would have liked to have had
1:05:47?
1:05:48That's a good one. Yes. And that's why
1:05:51you think it, and that's why it's a way
1:05:53—look how curious, I had never seen
1:05:55it in this way, but it is like that.
1:05:58Meaning, usually what we offer the
1:06:01world when you are a good person is
1:06:04what you feel wasn't fully provided to
1:06:07you many times, right? So,
1:06:10I am sure it's not.
1:06:11You are sure it wasn't provided to you.
1:06:14So, it comes from there; that statement
1:06:16is very powerful. Many people, many
1:06:19people have that deficiency. But you
1:06:22have children.
1:06:23Yes, I have five children. You give
1:06:26them all the love, you are the complete
1:06:28opposite.
1:06:29I would like to give them more than I
1:06:31do.
1:06:31But I'm sure you're super loving.
1:06:33Eh, I try.
1:06:35I'm absolutely sure. Because you know
1:06:37what happens, César,
1:06:38that when one has had that kind of void
1:06:40,
1:06:41there are two paths, and it's clear
1:06:43which one you've taken, because you
1:06:45either repeat the pattern or you do
1:06:46exactly the opposite. When you're a
1:06:50good person, you do exactly the
1:06:52opposite, only that due to self-demand,
1:06:54maybe it doesn't seem like enough to
1:06:56you, but I am sure, absolutely sure,
1:06:58and I have no doubt, that you are
1:07:00giving infinitely more love than you
1:07:02received. For sure.
1:07:05Yes, absolutely sure.
1:07:06Unfortunately, maybe so. Absolutely
1:07:09sure. But well, I always say that makes
1:07:12you the person you are, it makes you
1:07:16the human being you are, with your
1:07:18depth, your sensitivity, your empathy,
1:07:20with who you are. So, the the
1:07:25we are the product of our voids,
1:07:28our beliefs are based on our
1:07:33experiences. And if our experiences
1:07:37have been of deprivation, well yes, our
1:07:40beliefs will be based on our voids or
1:07:44or what we have received, right? And
1:07:47then there's the generating or creating
1:07:50a successful profession around your
1:07:52wounds. That is to say, you, look, when
1:07:56you say the world lacks love, it's
1:07:59because your beliefs or your void is
1:08:03pointing towards where to direct your
1:08:06profession or a successful profession.
1:08:11That makes sense. I am a photographer
1:08:13and and always, for example, when a
1:08:18mother with a child comes and such, I
1:08:19always tell them all. I say, I want to
1:08:23take many photos of you kissing,
1:08:25hugging each other, because I want your
1:08:27son or daughter, when they grow up, to
1:08:30have that memory that I don't have.
1:08:33How beautiful, how beautiful. Look, you
1:08:36are creating, Yes,
1:08:38around that well-healed wound.
1:08:41Hm. Well,
1:08:42a successful profession
1:08:44it's hard, eh, to earn sometimes,
1:08:45it's really hard.
1:08:47There is very beautiful work for that.
1:08:49I'll tell you about it later. Yes, I
1:08:50appreciate it.
1:08:51There is very beautiful work for that,
1:08:54and you can't imagine, César, the
1:08:56number of people who who unfortunately
1:09:01grow up in complicated settings and
1:09:03that later impacts their whole life,
1:09:06for what we've talked about, eh?
1:09:09Because from zero to 7 years old, your
1:09:11brain is a tape recorder. It's like,
1:09:14look, it's like you record everything
1:09:16without questioning absolutely anything
1:09:19, everything. And then, after 7 years
1:09:21old, it's like you press play and that
1:09:23is your voice, the one that talks to
1:09:25you, the one that says," You don't
1:09:27deserve this, where are you going? "The
1:09:30one that restricts you, the one that
1:09:32holds you back. It’s that voice.
1:09:34That’s why it’s so important.
1:09:36That’s why we often don't speak, it's
1:09:38not our voice, but what we've recorded.
1:09:41They aren't our beliefs, but those that
1:09:42come to us from outside.
1:09:44Exactly.
1:09:45And that heals because now there is an
1:09:48adult Cesar who can and is taking care
1:09:51of that child Cesar. So, it's a repair
1:09:53job for the inner child that I’m
1:09:55telling you about, and it's beautiful.
1:09:59Beautiful because you transmute.
1:10:01It must be hard, too. Extremely hard.
1:10:02Of course,
1:10:03of course. It’s totally cathartic,
1:10:06but but beautiful.
1:10:07Confronting, not confronting, but just
1:10:10talking with your childhood self.
1:10:13Exactly.
1:10:14It would be, in my case, hard,
1:10:16hard, but it would change something
1:10:19inside you because in there, look, when
1:10:21there’s a situation that
1:10:23scientifically is called an amygdala
1:10:25hijack, right? I mean, when there’s
1:10:27an outburst of anger, an outburst of
1:10:28sadness, an outburst, it’s the child.
1:10:31It is the child. It’s the child. We
1:10:33all have that child there for better or
1:10:35for worse. The child is the one who
1:10:36gets excited about things. I have a
1:10:38very alive inner child, and the less
1:10:41kind part of my child, I have already
1:10:43worked on. I have had to go back to
1:10:46childhood, I have had to embrace that
1:10:47child, I have had to tell her," It's
1:10:49okay, my girl, there's an adult in
1:10:50charge, which is me. "She’s not alone
1:10:53. So, there’s a a a a way, I don't
1:10:57know how to explain it, it’s like an
1:11:00alchemy as well in the way you function
1:11:04. I mean, you become calmer, you become
1:11:06It’s like rewriting your past a
1:11:08little bit, it's like going back to the
1:11:10past and rewriting it. Right, because
1:11:13in the end, that child isn’t to blame
1:11:15for anything,
1:11:16right?
1:11:18And of course, they don't question
1:11:20anything,
1:11:21right?
1:11:21Because it’s what they’re absorbing
1:11:22. Yes,
1:11:23but of course, when you start becoming
1:11:25aware of your life, of everything
1:11:27you’ve lived, you say," Damn, how I
1:11:30wish I could go there to avoid certain
1:11:32things, right? "
1:11:33Or to demand certain things that you
1:11:35weren't given, maybe, right?
1:11:37Or say," Why don't you ever tell me you
1:11:39love me, Mom? "Or," Why doesn't my
1:11:41father give me a hug? "You say, damn,
1:11:43in that moment you see it as normal,
1:11:47but later, damn, it makes you perhaps
1:11:50judge your parents,
1:11:53yeah?
1:11:54When maybe they aren't to blame either,
1:11:55Right?
1:11:57Because they didn't know how to do it
1:11:58any better, did they?
1:11:59Exactly, they didn't know how to do it
1:12:01better. No,
1:12:02no, César.
1:12:02So, phew, sometimes I have these mental
1:12:05dilemmas.
1:12:05You and, and I tell you, César, 80%of
1:12:08people, it’s brutal. How widespread
1:12:10childhood wounds are. And how we manage
1:12:12that because on one hand you say," Well
1:12:14, I want to forgive them, but on the
1:12:16other hand, there's anger because
1:12:17there's a child there. "
1:12:18I have forgiven them.
1:12:20Sure, there is anger, there is rage,
1:12:22there is, well, and then, besides that,
1:12:24in your adult relationships, you ask
1:12:27others for what you think you lacked. I
1:12:30mean, when you have a relationship with
1:12:32other people, this is very curious
1:12:34because many people always repeat the
1:12:36same type of romantic relationship
1:12:38because they are constantly trying to
1:12:40change the person in front of them,
1:12:42like," My mother didn't love me, but
1:12:44this person will love me. "
1:12:45Yeah.
1:12:46And so, obviously, they attract or
1:12:48enter into relationships that they
1:12:49experience as a challenge, but they say
1:12:51," I'm going to get what I didn't get
1:12:53as a child. "
1:12:55They don't enjoy them, they are tense.
1:12:57Affective bonds could fill seven
1:12:59podcasts, but the thing is that a
1:13:01change occurs in the perception of
1:13:04childhood. When you go to the boy or
1:13:07the girl and you accompany them, a
1:13:09change happens, there's something there
1:13:11, there's like a catharsis and then,
1:13:14suddenly, you rewrite your past; I mean
1:13:16, it's like you understand, beyond the
1:13:18rational explanation where you say:"
1:13:20Well, they did what they could. "
1:13:23That’s the 5%rational part, but the
1:13:2595%is messed up there, huh? I mean,
1:13:27that part is saying," Well, yeah, but
1:13:29nobody gave me a hug, nobody told me,'
1:13:30I love you, 'and on top of that, I
1:13:32thought it was me doing it wrong
1:13:33because I could see it wasn't normal. "
1:13:35Yes, that’s another thing.
1:13:36That’s another guilt.
1:13:37The guilt a child feels, because the
1:13:39child thinks," It’s me, I’m the one
1:13:41who isn't worthy. "
1:13:42So, all of that will eventually
1:13:43restrict you, it will condition you
1:13:45unless you repair that part. So, let's
1:13:48repair that part and then afterwards
1:13:49you will realize how everything else
1:13:51starts to mend because the child is
1:13:53accompanied, they are no longer alone,
1:13:54you are now in charge of the child.
1:13:57Because when two adults, for example,
1:13:58are arguing, it's not the adults
1:13:59arguing, it's the children. A
1:14:01relationship where a couple is yelling
1:14:03at each other is the wounded boy, the
1:14:05wounded girl, screaming. So, when I
1:14:07detect that my wound is being triggered
1:14:09, mine, I withdraw, I say, phew, no, or
1:14:12if you detect, or I detect that your
1:14:14wound is being triggered. Then it's
1:14:17about understanding that the child is
1:14:19there demanding, demanding that they be
1:14:21given their place, given affection,
1:14:23given that they be recognized, that
1:14:26they be validated. I mean, what's wrong
1:14:29with me that I'm not being validated?
1:14:31So, all of that is going to affect your
1:14:33life, unless, I insist, because I have
1:14:35done this myself. Also, it's something
1:14:38I always tell the people who work with
1:14:40me, for better or for worse, I already
1:14:42have a lot of accumulated experience.
1:14:45Yes, well, of course,
1:14:45I am of a certain age. So, I have
1:14:47already been through many, many
1:14:49situations in my life, many experiences
1:14:51. So, when I help someone, I help them
1:14:54not only as a psychologist, but as a
1:14:55woman, as a person, as a human being.
1:14:58So, I say," No, it's just that what I
1:14:59am going to give you
1:15:00as a person
1:15:00to do, I have already done with myself,
1:15:03and it works. "I am not 20 years old,
1:15:05just coming out of university. I mean,
1:15:07I've already been at this for a long
1:15:08time and traveled a long road.
1:15:11I have a lot of road behind me, I mean,
1:15:13I still have much to learn, so much. I
1:15:15know almost nothing of everything there
1:15:18is to know, but I do have experience.
1:15:20So, what I do is: when I say to someone
1:15:22, for example," Cesar, I think this
1:15:24could work really well for you, "it's
1:15:27because it worked for me, because I've
1:15:29done it, and because I've felt a before
1:15:31and after in that work, and with
1:15:33everyone I refer. It's a thing, so I do
1:15:35it, I say, no, I have done this myself.
1:15:38And then it happens a lot with the
1:15:40patients I have; having lived through
1:15:42so many things, because I always say
1:15:44I've lived many lives in one life,
1:15:47many, because it's true, I mean, I've
1:15:49kept reinventing myself, living, I've
1:15:52done many things, I've experienced a
1:15:53lot, and many of the problems they have
1:15:56, I have lived through.
1:15:58You identify them quickly,
1:15:59I point them out. And besides, I don't
1:16:01mind opening up my soul sometimes and
1:16:02saying," I've been through this too and
1:16:04I understand you perfectly. "And this
1:16:06happened to me, things that were
1:16:10intimate, right? And and I don't mind
1:16:12because I'm in front of a human being
1:16:14like me
1:16:15and and who is showing me their
1:16:17vulnerability, I tell them," No, no,
1:16:18don't worry, I've gone through this too
1:16:19. "And and I'm telling you from the
1:16:22perspective of my current point of view
1:16:24today, that wherever you are, you're
1:16:26going to get out of it, you're going to
1:16:28be fine, and you'll be infinitely
1:16:30better because I've been there, I've
1:16:32walked that path and I know a shortcut.
1:16:35If I take you by the hand and pull you
1:16:36out, come on, take my hand and I'll
1:16:38tell you which way to go to get out
1:16:40sooner because I've already been there.
1:16:42Of course.
1:16:43So, that is perhaps what when we talk
1:16:46about experience, about the value of
1:16:48things, the value isn't just what one
1:16:50has studied or what, it's what one has
1:16:53lived.
1:16:54Of course. Much more,
1:16:55much more,
1:16:56much more,
1:16:56much more experience.
1:16:57In fact, I studied for my degree when I
1:16:59was older. So, of course, when I went
1:17:01to university, I was, well, super
1:17:04excited. I remember in psychopathology
1:17:06when they talked about personality
1:17:08disorders, I knew people for every
1:17:09disorder, I mean, all of them. My
1:17:12classmates were younger than my
1:17:14children.
1:17:15Oh,
1:17:15it was very curious. Yes, because my
1:17:17children went to study at the
1:17:18university in Madrid and the following
1:17:20year I started my degree. I mean, my
1:17:23life is worthy of a book. Well, I'm
1:17:25actually writing one. Not about my life
1:17:28, but I am writing a book. The point is
1:17:30that for each personality disorder, I
1:17:32had a face to put to it because I had
1:17:35already lived it. So, of course, it's
1:17:39good when you study this degree, for
1:17:40example, psychology or the master's in
1:17:42neuropsychology, how the brain works,
1:17:44you do it based on life experience and
1:17:46it is much deeper, richer.
1:17:48Of course.
1:17:48So, of course, well, now I can
1:17:51understand many things that
1:17:53you see from another angle. Of course,
1:17:55completely.
1:17:56How great.
1:17:56Yes. Now that you mention psychopathies
1:17:59, uh, in childhood from 0 to 7 years
1:18:04old, I understand that many of those
1:18:06psychopathies are formed.
1:18:08Yes. Well, psychopathy has a genetic
1:18:10component and an environmental
1:18:11component.
1:18:12Genetic.
1:18:13Genetic. How do we know it's genetic?
1:18:15Well, through studies on monozygotic
1:18:17twins—that is, the same sperm, the
1:18:18same egg, meaning they are genetically
1:18:20identical. So, what happens when they
1:18:22are separated at birth? Because they
1:18:24are adopted by different families,
1:18:26their genetics remain exactly the same,
1:18:27but the environment is different.
1:18:29That's where they can see it in all
1:18:31kinds of experiments. This type of
1:18:33monozygotic twin experiment is used a
1:18:35lot in psychology. It shows how the
1:18:38environment modulates genetics, or in
1:18:39other words, epigenetics, right? So, it
1:18:42has been discovered that psychopathy
1:18:44does indeed have a genetic component;
1:18:46there is a genetic predisposition to
1:18:48psychopathy, but the environment is
1:18:50what activates those genes. In other
1:18:52words, you could come with—imagine,
1:18:55César, your genes are like a library
1:18:57full of books, but you pick some, you
1:18:59activate some books, some genes. So,
1:19:02the environment is what tells you which
1:19:04books to pick, which genes to activate.
1:19:06Yes. What happens? In psychopathy, you
1:19:09can have latent psychopathy, but it
1:19:10might never emerge. But what happens if
1:19:12you end up in a dysfunctional home
1:19:13where you have all the odds stacked for
1:19:14it to come out?
1:19:15Right,
1:19:15right. If you were beaten as a child,
1:19:17or abused as a child, you have higher
1:19:19odds of it surfacing. Evidently, in the
1:19:21case of boys, for example, if they are
1:19:24abused, they tend to have more
1:19:26aggression, while girls tend toward
1:19:28depression or borderline personality
1:19:31disorders. But to your question of
1:19:34whether a psychopath is born or made:
1:19:37it's both. There is a genetic load, but
1:19:41it doesn't determine what is going to
1:19:43happen.
1:19:46There is a very good movie on Netflix
1:19:47right now about a family with two kids,
1:19:51a wealthy family, where the children
1:19:53kill their parents. I don't know if
1:19:56you've seen it.
1:19:56No, no, no. I understand that there is,
1:19:59for example, what you say about coming
1:20:03from a good family, right? It doesn't
1:20:05make sense for those children to want
1:20:07to kill their parents, okay? But maybe
1:20:10epigenetically they have some hidden
1:20:12psychopathy.
1:20:14Totally. Yes, yes, yes, yes. There are
1:20:16children who are born into perfectly
1:20:18structured environments
1:20:19and with everything. Look, being a
1:20:21wealthy family doesn't guarantee that
1:20:23there aren't any emotional deficiencies
1:20:25. Well, imagine, I haven't seen this
1:20:27series, but if emotional, material, and
1:20:29infrastructural needs are all met, and
1:20:31suddenly they decide to kill their
1:20:33parents, it's obviously because there
1:20:35is some psychopathy there.
1:20:36But it’s both of them, I mean, it’s
1:20:38both brothers who plan everything to
1:20:40kill their parents. Well, yeah, it
1:20:42definitely looks like—I'm missing
1:20:44some details—but it certainly seems
1:20:46to have a massive genetic component
1:20:48there, regardless of the environment,
1:20:50of course. In other words, can a
1:20:53psychopath sprout or display
1:20:55psychopathic behaviors in a perfectly
1:20:57structured home? Recently, I mentioned
1:21:01that the world's leading expert on
1:21:03psychopathy is a psychopath himself and
1:21:06didn't even know it. He found out. He
1:21:09found out, yes, he found out during a
1:21:11functional MRI scan.
1:21:12That they have a different connection
1:21:14between the amygdala and the prefrontal
1:21:16cortex. There is a structural
1:21:17difference in psychopaths. So, this is
1:21:21visible on a functional MRI, and he
1:21:23realized he had the brain structure of
1:21:25a psychopath, and then his mother told
1:21:26him," When you were little, you had
1:21:28behaviors of mistreating animals, "
1:21:30which is how you spot it in a child. If
1:21:33you want to, sure, the psychopath is
1:21:34very intelligent; it's a personality
1:21:36trait of the psychopath to be
1:21:37hyper-intelligent.
1:21:38Let's go back to the beginning. What is
1:21:40a psychopath?
1:21:40Well, a psychopath is someone who
1:21:42absolutely lacks empathy. Meaning, what
1:21:44happens to you doesn't matter to them
1:21:46at all. That is the main characteristic
1:21:47of the psychopath. And then, going a
1:21:49step further, there is the sadistic
1:21:51psychopath, who doesn't just not care
1:21:53about what happens to you, but actually
1:21:55enjoys it if you're miserable. Meaning,
1:21:58they enjoy causing harm. What happens?
1:22:00They have a specific characteristic—
1:22:02they have several differences—but
1:22:04well, one of them is intelligence. They
1:22:07have an above-average intelligence.
1:22:08What happens? When they are children,
1:22:10they don't know how to fake it well yet
1:22:12, so you can see right through them.
1:22:15As they grow up, they start to fake it,
1:22:17and they can fake emotions, of course;
1:22:19they can fake crying, they can fake
1:22:21that they care—they care about
1:22:23nothing, mind you—but they fake it
1:22:25and thus go completely unnoticed.
1:22:27Generally, they tend to be in places
1:22:28where—since they are intelligent and
1:22:30love money more than anything—which
1:22:31is another characteristic they have,
1:22:33they usually end up in positions of
1:22:34power where the money is.
1:22:37So, sure, a psychopath isn't just
1:22:38someone who kills people; a psychopath
1:22:40is someone who goes up to an elderly
1:22:42person at a bank and scams them,
1:22:43blowing through all their savings.
1:22:46That's a psychopath, too. Right, a
1:22:48total psychopath.
1:22:48We’re not just talking about
1:22:50psychopaths who cause physical harm.
1:22:51No, no, no. The thing is, a psychopath
1:22:54leaves a trail of pain wherever they go
1:22:57. I mean, a psychopath could be the
1:22:59boss of a group of people, and everyone
1:23:01is depressed and crushed because the
1:23:03guy...
1:23:04And he enjoys it.
1:23:04He enjoys it, going to sleep completely
1:23:07relaxed, without a shred of remorse.
1:23:09Psychopaths, there’s a 4%rate, Cesar,
1:23:11of psychopaths.
1:23:13According to the APA, the American
1:23:14Psychological Association, 4%are
1:23:16psychopaths. How many hundreds of
1:23:18people do you and I know? Oh, just
1:23:20imagine, there are psychopaths
1:23:21everywhere. The thing is, obviously not
1:23:24all of them commit crimes, but a
1:23:26psychopath is someone who, if something
1:23:29bad happens to you...Well, if you get
1:23:34screwed over, you get screwed over. The
1:23:36coworker who walks all over you, the
1:23:38climber who doesn't care if you end up
1:23:40on the street, or the landlord who
1:23:42kicks you out with five kids and says,"
1:23:44Figure it out yourself. "That is a
1:23:46psychopath. Indeed. If that person
1:23:48enjoys it in that moment, are they a
1:23:49psychopath?
1:23:50Not necessarily. Meaning, a psychopath
1:23:52is someone who simply doesn't care
1:23:53about your suffering. And then there's
1:23:55the sadistic psychopath, which is like
1:23:58another...let's say, variety, right?
1:24:01That’s the one who actually enjoys it
1:24:03.
1:24:04I mean, it could just be a
1:24:05run-of-the-mill psychopath who thinks,"
1:24:06What do I care if you're sleeping on
1:24:07the street with your kids? I don't care
1:24:09. "That's the psychopath. But it could
1:24:11also be that they say," Man, this is
1:24:13great, they're going to sleep under a
1:24:14bridge with the kids tonight, "and they
1:24:16enjoy it. So that’s the sadistic
1:24:18psychopath, who is obviously even worse
1:24:20. Right.
1:24:21We can confuse a lot of terms there and
1:24:23compare them, or think someone is a
1:24:25psychopath. For example, is a person
1:24:27who isn't friendly a psychopath? Is a
1:24:28selfish person a psychopath?
1:24:30No.
1:24:30No, no, no. I mean, there are degrees.
1:24:32Exactly. There are people who are
1:24:35selfish. I sometimes talk about the
1:24:37three" egos, "right? The egomaniac, the
1:24:38selfish person, and the egocentric
1:24:40person. So, there are plenty of egos.
1:24:42So, the egotist is someone who thinks
1:24:44everything revolves around them. The
1:24:46one who needs to be flattered, the
1:24:48egocentric. I sometimes give an example
1:24:50and say," Imagine you're here, Cesar,
1:24:51and there's a cake, okay? And there's a
1:24:54group of us, well, the egocentric is
1:24:56the one who doesn't even see the others
1:24:59, I mean, they just eat the cake. "And
1:25:02then there's the selfish person, who
1:25:03sees everyone else and says," They're
1:25:05mine to eat. "And then there's the
1:25:07egotist, who is the one who constantly
1:25:09needs to be flattered, to be praised.
1:25:11So, no, no. I mean, the fact that
1:25:13someone lacks empathy doesn't
1:25:15necessarily mean they are a psychopath.
1:25:18The psychopath also has a differential
1:25:20characteristic, which is that they have
1:25:22fewer mirror neurons, which are the
1:25:24ones that imitate the behavior of
1:25:26others. I mean, somehow you and I, in
1:25:29this interview, are synchronizing on a
1:25:31cerebral and cardiac level. Our brain
1:25:35and heart waves synchronize thanks to
1:25:38our mirror neurons, okay?
1:25:40Oh, yeah.
1:25:41Yeah, yeah. So, there will be movements
1:25:43that, without realizing it, we will
1:25:46even do synchronously. The psychopath
1:25:48has fewer mirror neurons. Now, for
1:25:51example, imagine, I yawn, what’s
1:25:53going to happen? Normally, you’d yawn
1:25:56too.
1:25:57Because of mirror neurons.
1:25:58Well, a psychopath has a much harder
1:26:00time with that.
1:26:01Yes.
1:26:02It’s a way to detect a psychopath.
1:26:04Yawn at them.
1:26:05Everyone, everyone at home is watching
1:26:08to see who yawns.
1:26:09To see who yawns. If you yawn and the
1:26:12person in front of you doesn't, well,
1:26:14it's not 100%scientific, but it is true
1:26:16that, you know, connecting the dots,
1:26:18okay? I mean, there are studies, right?
1:26:22That say they are less likely to yawn
1:26:24because they have fewer mirror neurons,
1:26:25which are the empathy ones, the ones
1:26:27for human connection. So, naturally, I
1:26:30connect with you through my mirror
1:26:32neurons.
1:26:33We survive through mirror neurons
1:26:35because we are social beings. So, the
1:26:37psychopath also has fewer of them,
1:26:38aside from having different neural
1:26:40pathways, which is not an exonerating
1:26:42factor, for example, in a trial; I mean
1:26:43, they know perfectly well what they
1:26:45are doing and they know the damage they
1:26:46cause. I mean, it's not schizophrenia,
1:26:49which can be an exculpatory factor, for
1:26:51example, or something like that. No,
1:26:54they know perfectly well the harm they
1:26:56cause, but they don't care, yet they
1:26:58are aware.
1:27:00A normal person can end up becoming a
1:27:04psychopath, becoming,
1:27:06becoming by definition, right? Because
1:27:09they have differential functional
1:27:11traits, like this brain circuit, the
1:27:13mirror neurons. So, you can't just
1:27:14become one. I mean, you already were,
1:27:16you already were, I mean, you already
1:27:17have a genetic basis there. That is to
1:27:19say, you already have a genetic
1:27:20predisposition. What happens is that
1:27:23there are antisocial conduct or
1:27:25personality disorders, which are when a
1:27:27person who, without having a
1:27:28psychopathic structure, suddenly falls
1:27:31into a dysfunctional home, a place
1:27:32where there is abuse, mistreatment, and
1:27:35then, out of an issue of anger and
1:27:36socialization, they can debut with
1:27:38behaviors attributable to a psychopath,
1:27:40which doesn't mean they have a
1:27:42structure or meet the criteria of a
1:27:44psychopath. It's just that it's
1:27:47different.
1:27:48You've said that there are children who
1:27:50already have psychopathic behaviors.
1:27:51Yes. H
1:27:53can they be detected, I understand, h
1:27:56and can they be corrected or is that
1:27:57child going to be a psychopath?
1:27:59They can't be corrected, they can be
1:28:00modulated. That's a very good question,
1:28:02César. A great one. It can be
1:28:03modulated. In fact, this James Fallon,
1:28:05the greatest expert in, as I told you,
1:28:07in the study of psychopathy, he was
1:28:09born or fell into a super-functional
1:28:10home where they gave him a lot of love.
1:28:13His mother was an incredible woman and
1:28:15she took great care of him. And that
1:28:18man never debuted, that is, he never
1:28:21had any observable psychopathic
1:28:23behavior or anything that violated the
1:28:25law, at the very least, right? So, the
1:28:29environment can make that genetic
1:28:31predisposition remain dormant, so that
1:28:33that gene doesn't wake up. I always say
1:28:36that genetics are like the cards you
1:28:38get dealt in a poker game, but then you
1:28:40play them one way or another. So, that
1:28:43man had that psychopathy card, but he
1:28:45never played it, he never drew it, he
1:28:46never, he didn't debut, the environment
1:28:48. It can modulate a psychopathic
1:28:51behavior, it can totally inhibit it.
1:28:55An abuser, whether male or female,
1:28:57because they exist too,
1:29:00are they psychopaths? Not necessarily,
1:29:03it could be that they are, but not
1:29:06necessarily. There can even be
1:29:08behaviors due to imitation. That is to
1:29:12say, an abuser who, for example, saw
1:29:13their father abuse, it's a bit of what
1:29:15we were talking about, that when
1:29:17behaviors are very painful, you either
1:29:19do the opposite or you repeat the
1:29:21pattern. So, you can have a person, a
1:29:24child who was abused, and suddenly
1:29:26they’re the best parent in the world,
1:29:28or the other way around. Or you could
1:29:30have an abused child who normalizes
1:29:32that mistreatment, repeats that pattern
1:29:34, and becomes an abuser too. So, the
1:29:38abuser doesn't necessarily have to have
1:29:40a psychopathic brain structure at all;
1:29:42I mean, not necessarily. There are so
1:29:45many people who simply function that
1:29:48way through observation, imitation, or
1:29:51conditioning. Sometimes there are
1:29:56people who commit some offense, or
1:29:58maybe just psychological or physical
1:30:01abuse—it doesn't matter—who, at the
1:30:05moment of doing it, realize they've
1:30:08done wrong and ask for forgiveness.
1:30:13That isn't psychopathic behavior.
1:30:16Someone who causes harm and
1:30:17simultaneously is asking for
1:30:18forgiveness for causing harm,
1:30:21right? Because the psychopath—
1:30:23The psychopath doesn't ask for
1:30:24forgiveness.
1:30:24No, no, that wouldn't be—that is a
1:30:27compulsion. I see what you're
1:30:29describing more as something compulsive
1:30:31. That is to say, it's as if they had a
1:30:33physical addiction to performing that
1:30:35behavior, but then they have a kind of
1:30:36moral brake, but they return to doing
1:30:38the same thing, repeating it over and
1:30:40over again. So, no, one of the
1:30:42characteristics of a psychopath is that
1:30:43since they lack empathy, they also—
1:30:45and if they ask for forgiveness, mind
1:30:47you, they might ask for it, but only
1:30:49because they know what they have to do
1:30:50to get something, not because they
1:30:52truly feel it. Exactly. Pure theater,
1:30:54but they aren't really feeling any
1:30:56actual emotional responsibility; that
1:30:58is, they are asking for forgiveness
1:31:00because it will help them keep
1:31:02manipulating you, for example. But if
1:31:04it's someone who truly feels they've
1:31:06caused harm and asks for forgiveness
1:31:08from the heart to repair that damage,
1:31:10and then they repeat it again, it's
1:31:12because there is a compulsion there;
1:31:14that is, there could be trauma, you
1:31:16know? And there you have to go to the
1:31:18belief, you have to dig down to see
1:31:20what belief is triggering that
1:31:22compulsion and insert an alternative
1:31:24belief to displace the, the, the, the,
1:31:26the belief.
1:31:26That has nothing to do with whether
1:31:28they can enjoy doing that and then know
1:31:29, like you said, that they have to ask
1:31:31for forgiveness to...
1:31:32Yes, yes, of course. Yes, that scenario
1:31:34is possible. It could be that they are
1:31:35enjoying doing it and then ask for
1:31:37forgiveness as a means of manipulation
1:31:39to keep the victim under their thumb
1:31:41and keep doing the same thing. Of
1:31:43course, many abusive behaviors are
1:31:45maintained over time like that. I mean,
1:31:48there are many people in terrible
1:31:50situations who stay because of the fact
1:31:52that" this person is going to change, "
1:31:55or" I will get them to change. "When
1:31:58the other person has no intention of
1:31:59changing, and no one is going to change
1:32:00them either. And that person causes
1:32:03harm, then apologizes—eh, do they
1:32:05apologize sincerely, yes or no? But
1:32:08many do not. I mean, they apologize
1:32:10because they know it's what they have
1:32:12to do so that the other person remains
1:32:14under their control. So, it could
1:32:16perfectly well be the behavior of a
1:32:17psychopath, of course.
1:32:18Sure. Is there any scientific study
1:32:21that has been done at the gender level,
1:32:23that is, whether being a man or a woman
1:32:25makes a difference when it comes to
1:32:27being a psychopath?
1:32:29Well, male psychopaths show more
1:32:32evidence of physical violence. Uh,
1:32:35female psychopathy is more of a
1:32:37psychological violence, okay? And also
1:32:40in the way they exercise that violence.
1:32:44For example, if you look at murders and
1:32:46such, the male psychopath is more
1:32:48violent, I insist, and the female
1:32:51psychopath is more into poisoning and
1:32:53more, that is, using more subtle means
1:32:55that don't involve force.
1:32:58And so, I don't believe—I don't think
1:33:01, I don't know because I've read in
1:33:03studies, that there is no difference
1:33:05between the sexes, okay? I mean, there
1:33:07are just as many male and female
1:33:09psychopaths, it's the same, but they
1:33:11exercise violence in different ways. In
1:33:14different ways. But clearly, there are
1:33:15female psychopaths. Sure. I mean, this
1:33:17is obvious. And abusive women, of
1:33:19course. Certainly.
1:33:21Obviously.
1:33:22Very good. When we have children, are
1:33:26there any repetitive behaviors that
1:33:28parents watching us might take into
1:33:31account to realize that their child has
1:33:34a little problem?
1:33:36Yes. The truth is that as parents, it
1:33:38must be extremely hard to observe these
1:33:40types of behaviors and very complicated
1:33:41to see them because when something is
1:33:43very painful, the brain doesn't show it
1:33:45to you, meaning,
1:33:46you don't want to see it,
1:33:46you don't want to see it.
1:33:48Parents are always the last to find out
1:33:49about certain personality traits of
1:33:51their child, because you just don't
1:33:52want to see it. It is very complicated
1:33:55to be objective with a child; you can
1:33:56never be objective with a child. I mean
1:33:58, for us, our children will always be
1:34:00the best.
1:34:01So, you cannot be objective. What
1:34:02happens? That there are behaviors that
1:34:04are detectable, like the one I
1:34:06mentioned to you, animal abuse, or
1:34:07school problems regarding bullying,
1:34:09like being the ones who do the bullying
1:34:11. Look, notice this: when there is a
1:34:13child or children who are victims of
1:34:15bullying, it's usually motivated by one
1:34:17person. There's usually one who acts as
1:34:19the ringleader, then the rest of the
1:34:21losers orbiting around him, dancing to
1:34:23his tune for social acceptance, and
1:34:25then there’s the victim or victims,
1:34:26right?
1:34:27So, the one running the show is usually
1:34:29the one who shows signs of being a
1:34:31psychopath. I mean, if they call you
1:34:33from school and tell you about your son
1:34:35, well, you always have to take it with
1:34:37a grain of salt, mind you, evaluate
1:34:39each case individually, but, but
1:34:41psychopathic children don't know how to
1:34:43fake it well yet; so, it's easier to
1:34:44spot them then. But if parents detect
1:34:47any type of psychopathic behavior—to
1:34:49answer your question—love, love, and
1:34:51more love is the recipe. In other words
1:34:56, an environment where they feel
1:34:58unconditionally loved, where kindness
1:35:00is the family's core value, where doing
1:35:03good for others, altruism toward others
1:35:06, and toward animals are taught as
1:35:08values. So, that is the only thing that
1:35:12can cushion a potential psychopath. I
1:35:14mean, the only thing that can keep that
1:35:17personality trait suppressed, inhibited
1:35:20, so it doesn't develop into
1:35:22psychopathic behavior. The other day I
1:35:25read a study that said a large portion
1:35:28of politicians have psychopathic
1:35:30behaviors.
1:35:31I've heard that too. I don't know, no.
1:35:33It was brutal. I heard it and thought,
1:35:35wow.
1:35:36Yes. Well, the thing is that, well, in
1:35:38some Reels I've posted about
1:35:40psychopaths, putting politicians' names
1:35:42, I won't say I haven't,
1:35:44but
1:35:47but the thing is that, obviously, many
1:35:49times in certain positions of power,
1:35:51you have to get ahead by cutting heads.
1:35:54Exactly.
1:35:54So, who cuts heads? Well, the one who
1:35:57doesn't care about the heads of others.
1:35:59Exactly, I mean, I have to take a shot
1:36:01at you, I have to dig up your dirty
1:36:03laundry, even if I know it will sink
1:36:04you into misery and turn your kids
1:36:06against you, and I just don't care. So,
1:36:09what happens? That in certain positions
1:36:11of power, there are studies, of course,
1:36:14that surely show there are people who
1:36:16are psychopaths, absolutely, because to
1:36:19get there they had to keep cutting
1:36:21heads and it didn't bother them at all
1:36:23to do so. If you have principles, you
1:36:26say," Man, how can I do this to Pepe,
1:36:27who is my coworker? "the sucker, I mean
1:36:29, you're stuck there.
1:36:30You don't necessarily achieve it
1:36:31another way. Not necessarily, maybe you
1:36:33do, but you can achieve it—
1:36:35maybe it takes longer, you have to take
1:36:37another path, take a detour. Maybe
1:36:39instead of getting to the summit as
1:36:41quickly, you do it in a different way,
1:36:43but you can also reach positions of
1:36:45power with values. With values, you'll
1:36:48have to take different paths, for sure,
1:36:50but if your lifelong friend Pepe is
1:36:52your coworker, you don't have to cut
1:36:54Pepe's head off. That is, maybe you'll
1:36:57have to find another path to reach
1:36:58where you want to go without stepping
1:37:00on others, without causing harm.
1:37:02But yeah, that—
1:37:03let's wrap up this episode, okay?
1:37:05Because I would like for you to be able
1:37:07to come back later. I would love to.
1:37:08We will come back. I'll come back
1:37:10because you know I always have a
1:37:11personal challenge, and that is that
1:37:13once it crosses a million views, I
1:37:14return.
1:37:15I hope so, it would be wonderful. Let's
1:37:16go. It would be. No, but for sure,
1:37:18because it's going to happen, I mean,
1:37:21it has already happened and it will
1:37:23keep happening.
1:37:25I'd like us to talk a little bit now,
1:37:27to finish up, about the fears when it
1:37:28comes to entrepreneurship.
1:37:30Yes.
1:37:31Okay. Since we're on a podcast where,
1:37:33well, we talk about success and lack
1:37:34thereof, right?
1:37:35Yes.
1:37:36And about business, about
1:37:37entrepreneurship,
1:37:38why are we so afraid? I don't know if
1:37:42it's also somewhat instilled by the
1:37:43culture we've had regarding
1:37:44entrepreneurship.
1:37:46Yes, yes. Entrepreneurship in this
1:37:49country is also quite, quite, uh, not
1:37:52demonized, but culturally less
1:37:54widespread. A study was done, a study
1:37:56was done on young people in the United
1:37:58States and young people in Spain. We're
1:38:01talking about kids, 17, 18 years old.
1:38:03In the United States, 80-something
1:38:05percent wanted to be entrepreneurs. In
1:38:07Spain, 80-something percent also wanted
1:38:09to be civil servants. So, just with
1:38:12that, you can imagine the breeding
1:38:15ground. But why? Well, because we have
1:38:18a system where, well, the entrepreneur
1:38:20—it's not clear—the system doesn't
1:38:22encourage it.
1:38:25So, that's one side; I mean, there's
1:38:26social pressure there, and then there
1:38:28are the core beliefs that are instilled
1:38:29in us. what we were saying about
1:38:32leaving the brain's comfort zone, I
1:38:34mean: to be an entrepreneur you have to
1:38:36take risks. And also, failure is very
1:38:39demonized, when failure is a school. I
1:38:42mean, when I do something and it
1:38:42doesn't work out, I say," Oh, okay, not
1:38:44like that. "And I do it again in a
1:38:45different way. But that's how it is. I
1:38:47mean, now imagine, I'll give you an
1:38:48example. Now imagine that I tell you,
1:38:50César, I'm going to give you 49 stones
1:38:53that symbolize 49 failures and then a
1:38:55diamond that symbolizes success. Right.
1:38:57So I go and I tell you, César, I'll
1:38:59give you one stone. What do you say to
1:39:01me? Yeah,
1:39:02sure,
1:39:03fail now. I mean, I want to fail now
1:39:05because there will only be 48 left for
1:39:07you to give me the diamond, which is
1:39:09success, which is where I want to go.
1:39:11So, failure is very demonized in our
1:39:14culture too, when failure is a school,
1:39:16it's a learning process, and then when
1:39:18it comes to entrepreneurship, there's
1:39:21also the need for external validation.
1:39:24And I go back to the same thing, when
1:39:26you become invulnerable to the opinions
1:39:27of others, okay,
1:39:28you say," Let's see, what do I know how
1:39:29to do? "Let's see, I stop. Look, when I
1:39:33started as an entrepreneur, I did
1:39:35something that I don't know, it just
1:39:37occurred to me: I asked my kids, my
1:39:38siblings, the people who know me, my
1:39:40friends, like:" Hey, what do you think
1:39:42I'm good at and what am I bad at? "How
1:39:45about you? Oh, look, you're good at
1:39:47this and this and this. Okay, well then
1:39:49I think I have to do this. I mean, you
1:39:51have to know what you're good at and
1:39:52based on what you're good at, because
1:39:54often what happens is that you don't
1:39:56see the talent in yourself. Why?
1:39:58Because you normalize it?
1:39:59We don't know. Sure,
1:40:00we don't see it. Why? Well, because if
1:40:02you're very good at something, for you
1:40:04it's normal. However, it's the duty of
1:40:05those around you to tell you," César,
1:40:07man, you're really good at this. "Then,
1:40:09you know which direction you have to
1:40:10take. So, I did like a field study,
1:40:12okay, around me. I said," Don't hold
1:40:14back, huh, because I have very, very
1:40:16thick skin. "I mean," Tell me whatever
1:40:18you want, I'm not going to get offended
1:40:19. "
1:40:20No, not me.
1:40:21No, that's what happens when you come
1:40:23from certain childhoods, right? Later
1:40:26on, it makes you strong. I've already
1:40:28been told this. So it makes no
1:40:29difference to me. So that's it, right?
1:40:31And based on what you're good at, when
1:40:34you no longer care about external
1:40:36validation because you know who you are
1:40:38, then you take on the world. You say,"
1:40:41I'm going over there. "No, the thing is
1:40:45over there. And nobody can move you. So
1:40:48it's important to have focus
1:40:49because a lot of people say," Well, I
1:40:51want to be an entrepreneur, but there's
1:40:52no focus. "So, first, what do you know
1:40:53how to do? If you know how to do
1:40:55something, you're good at it, you have
1:40:57focus, and it makes money,
1:40:59go for it,
1:40:59that's it. I mean, you're going to
1:41:02crush it for sure.
1:41:03Of course,
1:41:04you can't fail. So, from there on,
1:41:09moving forward and upward, I mean, it's
1:41:12everything, it's the,
1:41:14I mean, the main thing that holds
1:41:16people back here is the fear of failure
1:41:18, basically. Yes, yes, yes. Fear of
1:41:20failure. What skills do you think a
1:41:23person should foster or work on
1:41:26who wants to be an entrepreneur?
1:41:28Tolerance for frustration and, above
1:41:32all that, the letting nothing take you
1:41:37off your focus, not derailing. That's
1:41:39very important, because there will be
1:41:42life situations that cause you to
1:41:44derail. This also happens a lot with
1:41:45women because, being more emotional,
1:41:47there are, purely due to hormonal
1:41:49issues—neither good nor bad—highs
1:41:51and lows, right? So suddenly, there are
1:41:54people who tell me," No, I was doing
1:41:55this and now, but of course, with the
1:41:57breakup. "I say," No, I mean, don't,
1:42:01don't, don't derail, don't derail. "So,
1:42:05where we put our attention,
1:42:07that is where we go. Men and women. Uh,
1:42:10I also have patients who tell me:" No,
1:42:11the other day...the other day a patient
1:42:13told me: 'When I was with my ex-partner
1:42:15, I passed two subjects in my degree in
1:42:17a year, and now that I'm single, I've
1:42:19passed seven.' "I say:" Of course,
1:42:21because your attention is on the degree
1:42:23, it's not on problems or arguments
1:42:25because, the focus is...exactly. "I
1:42:27mean, you have to have focus. Focus is
1:42:28super important. Exactly.
1:42:30Yes. Uh, when it comes to, well,
1:42:34starting a business, when we tell, for
1:42:36example, our partner, our social circle
1:42:38, our family," Hey, look, I've decided
1:42:40I'm going to do this, no matter what,
1:42:41okay? "and they start arguing with
1:42:45negative things, like," Don't do it,
1:42:47you're fine as you are, it's not going
1:42:49to work out, "and so on,
1:42:51is there any method, any way to
1:42:53trust yourself. I mean, you just have
1:42:56to trust yourself, and sometimes it
1:42:57will be hard to hear those things. At
1:43:01the end of the day, you have to fight
1:43:03for your own dreams, and there are
1:43:05people who will push you up and people
1:43:07who will drag you down. Don't listen to
1:43:10them. Don't listen to them. I mean,
1:43:12just stick to your thing. I mean, for
1:43:14me, there are people who sometimes have
1:43:16told me," But why now, aren't you
1:43:18comfortable here or what? "If I don't
1:43:20like something, I don't complain; I
1:43:21change it. So, if there's someone
1:43:24dragging you down, understand that that
1:43:26person can't give any more, that it's
1:43:28their way of being in the world, which
1:43:30isn't yours, so just do your own thing;
1:43:32let them talk. I mean, you, well, if
1:43:35anything, I'll tell you about it later.
1:43:38Right, even if it's someone very close
1:43:40to you, it can even hurt that you think
1:43:42that way.
1:43:43Yes, of course. There are people
1:43:44extremely close to you who will tell
1:43:45you at some point," Where do you think
1:43:47you're going? "And you look at them
1:43:48with affection and say," Look, well, it
1:43:50is what it is, I'm not going to change
1:43:51it, I'm not going to convince them of
1:43:53anything. "I never convince anyone of
1:43:54anything. I mean, I just go and follow
1:43:56my path, my path, my path, doing my
1:43:57thing. So, if that person doesn't
1:43:59understand it, at the end of the day, I
1:44:01support myself, right? That's what you
1:44:03have to think. Who supports you? You
1:44:04support yourself. So, that person—
1:44:08plus, in my case, that is gasoline,
1:44:12César. It gives me fuel. If you say to
1:44:16me, if someone tells me," But you won't
1:44:18be able to "or" Where are you going? "I
1:44:19say," Hold my drink and just watch. "
1:44:23That's great.
1:44:24For me, it's gasoline. So, they don't
1:44:27stop me, no, they don't. I mean, and
1:44:29besides, I think that in general our
1:44:31own worst enemy is ourselves. Uh, then
1:44:34if you are good with yourself, if you
1:44:35are very clear on where you want to go
1:44:37and what you want, and you have focus,
1:44:39what those around you say, no matter
1:44:40how close they are, won't move you. It
1:44:43really won't move you. Hey, what a
1:44:46great way to end an episode. It's pure
1:44:49philosophy, pure desire to take on the
1:44:51world, and pure zest for life. Very
1:44:53good, very good, Begoña.
1:44:54It's been a pleasure. Likewise.
1:44:56It went by super fast for me. We’ve
1:44:59been at it for an hour and 40 minutes,
1:45:00an hour and 45 minutes. Super good. It
1:45:02went by so fast.
1:45:03So fast, and we touched on some very
1:45:05interesting topics,
1:45:06very interesting. Let's see if that
1:45:07reel gets a million views or more. I
1:45:08think we will, we're going to make it.
1:45:10Come on, it's a deal.
1:45:122 million, eh.
1:45:13We're going to pass 2 million. But well
1:45:15, if we just pass one, we'll do it
1:45:16again.
1:45:17I'll be happy. I mean, if everything
1:45:19we've talked about here can help one
1:45:21person, I always say it,
1:45:22for me, that makes me happy.
1:45:24That's what makes me happy too.
1:45:26It gives life meaning. Remember that's
1:45:27what you and I came here to give the
1:45:29world. Exactly, and look what we're
1:45:31doing.
1:45:31That's it.
1:45:32We'll leave your social media in the
1:45:34description, okay? Anyone who wants to
1:45:37get in touch with you,
1:45:39ask for your help, get your advice,
1:45:42use or do your method.
1:45:44Yes, the Mental Reset, that is
1:45:47that is fundamental.
1:45:48We haven't talked about it much, but
1:45:50we have talked, yes, we’ve been
1:45:52talking about mental reprogramming the
1:45:53whole time. Yes, we have been orbiting
1:45:55around my method, so your method.
1:45:57Fantastic, fantastic. Thank you so much
1:46:00for coming from Palma.
1:46:01From Mallorca.
1:46:02From Palma de Mallorca. You came from
1:46:04Mallorca,
1:46:04Mallorca specifically, here it has been
1:46:07whenever you do that, I always tell my
1:46:09partner that it’s a responsibility
1:46:11for me, right? Because I like
1:46:13everything to be perfect, for the
1:46:14interview to go well, because otherwise
1:46:16I say," Gosh, I don't like wasting
1:46:17anyone's time, right? "
1:46:19So for me,
1:46:20everything is perfect. César, it has
1:46:22been a pleasure, just wonderful, a
1:46:25wonderful connection.
1:46:27That's important. Simply. Thank you so
1:46:29much, Begoña.
1:46:29Thank you.
1:46:30I hope everything goes great for you,
1:46:32really, and I hope to see you soon.
1:46:33Yes, thank you.
1:46:36And to all of you, as I always tell you
1:46:38, if you liked the episode, give us a
1:46:40like, share it if you think it can help
1:46:42others, and leave any comments you want
1:46:44. Begoña will drop by the episode from
1:46:47time to time and kindly reply to you.
1:46:50And above all, as I always tell you,
1:46:53life is wonderful and not just success.
1:46:56See you soon.
1:46:59Not Just Success with César González.
1:47:10Ah.

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