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Episode 8: Mass Denial About the Differences Between Men and Women | Master's Program | PragerU — Transcript

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0:00The better men and women understand each
0:02other, the more they'll accept each
0:04other's differences and that can serve
0:08as a very big help in their
0:10relationship.
0:15>> [music]
0:28[music]
0:42>> Where do babies come from?
0:45I doubt that there will be a subject
0:48that will be more difficult to address
0:51than this one, explaining male-female
0:54differences.
0:55And why? Because people live in denial.
1:00The denial is one I encountered when I
1:03was in college. That's a long time ago
1:06when I was told at I might add an elite
1:09Ivy League University
1:11that there are no differences between
1:13men and women, just physical ones.
1:16And I knew then there was something
1:18wrong at my college that I am being told
1:21something so foolish
1:24that there are no real [music]
1:25differences between men and women.
1:28It has caused terrible havoc in the
1:30lives especially [music] of women but
1:32certainly of men as well.
1:34This major denial of major differences
1:37between the sexes.
1:38>> Addressing gender equity. Feminine.
1:40Whatever that means. All of whom If you
1:42want to get along with the opposite sex,
1:45you've got to try to understand you and
1:47you've got to try to understand the
1:49opposite sex.
1:51That's why this is so important and
1:53that's why this is so difficult.
1:57>> [music]
2:01>> So, let's deal with this with the
2:03acknowledgement that of course [music]
2:06men and women have a tremendous amount
2:08in common.
2:10A good man and a good woman have a lot
2:12in common, goodness. [music]
2:14A smart man and a smart woman have a lot
2:17in common and by the way, I don't
2:19believe that either sex [music]
2:21is innately more intelligent than the
2:23other, not because it's a nice thing to
2:25say but because I've met so many
2:27brilliant people of each sex
2:29>> [music]
2:29>> and by the way, a fair number of dummies
2:32of each sex. It seems to be [music]
2:34somewhat equal.
2:36Men and women have a lot in common.
2:39Let's also acknowledge that not every
2:41difference applies to [music] every
2:42single male and every single female.
2:45But as I have often said, if you can't
2:47generalize, you are truly a dummy.
2:50Generalizing is
2:52>> [music]
2:52>> is the way in which we make sense out of
2:54life.
2:56We generalize
2:58all the time. We have to make
3:00generalizations but they have to be
3:02intelligent generalizations and you
3:04always have to offer examples
3:08to make your point about the
3:09generalization and that's what I will be
3:11doing. [music]
3:12I admit that there are always exceptions
3:15but if we don't understand that the
3:17general truths of life, then we cannot
3:20make any sense out of life.
3:28So, let's begin with some innate mental
3:32differences.
3:34Here is a quote from one study,
3:37the inferior parietal lobule which
3:41controls numerical brain function is
3:44larger in males than in females. On
3:46standardized tests, men often score
3:49higher on mathematical tests than women.
3:52I don't see a problem with acknowledging
3:54that but I
3:55want to note [clears throat] that this
3:57difference exists. Males are more prone
3:59to autism, ADHD
4:02and Tourette's syndrome while women are
4:05more susceptible to mood disorders like
4:08anxiety and depression.
4:10As the list continues, women tend to
4:13remember all the details while men
4:15usually keep the main point in mind.
4:18Virtually everyone who has
4:21lived with, been married to a member of
4:24the opposite sex
4:26again, virtually everyone knows how true
4:28that is.
4:30Women remember the details for example
4:32of a conversation, men remember the
4:35bottom line.
4:37God, is that ever true and it leads to
4:39certain miscommunications because
4:41sometimes women think
4:43that the man wasn't listening.
4:45So, I have a very helpful thing to say
4:48to the wives
4:50watching this video.
4:52>> [music]
4:52>> It is not true that your husband does
4:55not listen. You won't listen for a
4:57minute. So, you didn't mean a word of
4:58what you said yesterday, did you?
5:00No, that's not what I meant. Your
5:03husband does listen. [music]
5:04He doesn't remember.
5:07That's that's really significant and you
5:10do remember. In fact, women's memories
5:12are sometimes in in marriage a problem
5:15because she will remember [music]
5:16something he said 10 years ago or did 10
5:19years ago and he doesn't remember
5:21exactly what was said or done yesterday.
5:24This is not a flaw, this is just a
5:26[music] feature. Men, and I am one of
5:28them, I remember the bottom line. I
5:30don't remember the details on how we got
5:32there.
5:33>> You did talk to her, didn't you?
5:34Frankly, I forgot to do it. Slipped my
5:36mind. What? Really? You forgotten our
5:39anniversary. That's right, dear.
5:42Oh, no. No, no.
5:45I I was just trying to tease you.
5:50Men do not take things as personally
5:53[music]
5:54as insultingly, if you will, as women
5:57do.
5:57Here's a Harvard report of a study.
6:00[music]
6:01While men can be aggressive and
6:04combative, a new study shows that from
6:06the tennis court to the [music] boxing
6:08ring, modern equivalents of one-on-one
6:11conflict, men are more likely than women
6:14to make peace with [music] their
6:15competitors after the competition ends.
6:19Using videos of four sports [music] in
6:2144 countries, the professors found that
6:25quote men are far more likely to engage
6:27[music] in friendly physical contact,
6:30handshakes, back pats and even hugs
6:33following competition than women are.
6:37Ultimately, Professor Joyce Benninson
6:40said, quote, the implications of the
6:43study could reach far beyond the
6:46boundaries of the playing field. What
6:49we're talking about is women having a
6:51harder time when they have to compete
6:53with other women. Studies have shown
6:56that when two females compete in the
6:58workplace, [music]
6:59they feel much more damaged afterward. I
7:03think this is something [music] human
7:04resources professionals should be aware
7:06of so they can mitigate it.
7:08>> All I need to know is who do you think
7:11you are? Pretty much all of you know
7:14this. You don't need a Harvard report on
7:16this. So, I'll give you another example.
7:19When men really like each other, they
7:22insult each other. You're chump.
7:25Imagine two guys, good friends, even
7:29good acquaintances
7:30and they they're both at a banquet
7:34[music] or something
7:35and one guy goes to the other, you know,
7:37Jack,
7:39you are really ugly. [music]
7:42The other guy will probably insult him
7:44back. They'll both crack up and in man
7:48speak, they will know they really
7:50[music] like each other.
7:52It is inconceivable
7:54that the closest female friends in the
7:56world would [music] make such a rib.
8:00>> [laughter]
8:00>> Cindy, you you you really look ugly
8:03tonight. That could easily end a 25-year
8:06friendship. Men are also much more
8:09physically aggressive. I remember being
8:12greeted once at the door by two little
8:15sons of a friend of mine and they just
8:18jumped all over me.
8:20Basically attacked me. This is the way
8:23we like it, fast and hard hitting and
8:25clean.
8:25>> And I thought, gee, two little girls
8:27have never done that when I came to the
8:29door. Storm and take a position by sheer
8:31physical force.
8:32>> Men are more physically aggressive and
8:34of course, if it's not held in check, it
8:36could do a lot of damage.
8:39Women have to hold their natures in
8:41check and men have to do it with their
8:43natures.
8:46Why by the way is all of this important
8:49at all? Because the better men and women
8:51understand each other, the more they'll
8:53accept each other's differences and that
8:56can serve as a very big help in their
8:59relationship. That's why it's important
9:02to understand the other sex and let me
9:03tell you something. The other sex is
9:06correct. In fact, the old term for it is
9:09the opposite sex
9:10and in some ways,
9:12we are opposite sexes.
9:15But that is a very big deal about not
9:18[music] taking things personally and the
9:21fact that guys will hug after beating
9:23each other up and women won't.
9:30I have a story for you.
9:33The former president of Harvard
9:36University, Larry Summers,
9:38who was a member of the Clinton
9:41administration, [music]
9:42a lifelong Democrat, a lifelong liberal,
9:46told this story while still president of
9:49Harvard University.
9:53The report. In his talk, Harvard
9:55President Larry Summers
9:58used as an example
10:00about the different temperaments [music]
10:01of men and women one of his daughters
10:05who as a child was given two trucks
10:09in an effort at a gender neutral [music]
10:12parenting.
10:13Trucks always associated with boys
10:17yet she treated them almost like dolls
10:22naming one of them Daddy truck and one
10:26[music]
10:27baby truck.
10:29I think that's a very powerful story. Oh
10:31Mommy. What's the matter Paul?
10:35Are you hurt? Women are more innately
10:37nurturing. [music]
10:39This drives
10:41many people crazy.
10:43>> [music]
10:43>> They don't want to believe it
10:45particularly women of the world of
10:48higher education or if you will
10:49feminists.
10:51>> [music]
10:51>> They rejected this idea at the outset.
10:52This was all socially induced. Women are
10:56not more nurturing but it's really odd
10:58for people to say [music] that given
11:00that women give birth
11:02and that women are the mothers of
11:05children.
11:06>> [music]
11:06>> If women were not more nurturing it
11:09would be a very bad scene for the human
11:11race.
11:12>> You must never never touch those
11:13scissors. Do you hear? You might put
11:15your eye out baby. As anyone who has a
11:19child with a member of the opposite sex
11:21has probably experienced if the child at
11:24night moans cries
11:27it is overwhelmingly likely that the
11:30mother [music] will hear this and the
11:32dad will continue snoozing.
11:35Is that not innate?
11:37Many people believe in evolution
11:40and I'm I'm certainly not here to argue
11:42pro or con on evolution. I'm merely here
11:44to say that if you are one of the many
11:46who do
11:47believe in evolution
11:49you have to believe that the human race
11:52evolved for at least one of the sexes to
11:56be more nurturing with regard to the
11:59offspring than [music] the other.
12:01That's that's the way it works and one
12:03had to be more aggressive [music]
12:05conquer the world while one is taking
12:08care of the domestic place. I'm merely
12:11pointing out what is a physiological
12:13fact a physiological slash psychological
12:17fact.
12:19Women are more nurturing. By the way
12:20it's proved even in the macro not just
12:23not just in the home but in the macro.
12:26>> [music]
12:26>> Women overwhelmingly are more likely to
12:29vote for the parties that want to
12:31nurture
12:33those in society who are for example
12:36poorer.
12:38They vote for the nurturing party
12:41>> [music]
12:41>> the one that promises more benefits is
12:43the one that they will more likely vote
12:45for. I'm not taking a position on it.
12:47I'm merely describing how women's
12:50natures will even be reflected with
12:53regard to the [music] nurturing aspect
12:55in in terms of how they vote.
12:57>> We all know it takes a long time.
12:58>> As one psychiatrist Dr. Steven Marmor
13:02UCLA Medical School
13:04as he said to me and I quote him
13:08women are optimized it's a perfect word
13:11optimized [music]
13:12for taking care of a child.
13:17I don't see why [music] that is
13:19even worthy
13:20of
13:22denial.
13:34And now
13:36to the toughest difference
13:38because it's such a sensitive arena and
13:40it's one that causes so many problems
13:43between the sexes and that is sex.
13:49>> [music]
13:53[music]
13:55>> Let's begin with what arouses each
13:59[music] sex. They are not aroused
14:02identically.
14:03>> [music]
14:03>> With men it is and this is key and this
14:07is very very hard [music] for women to
14:10fully understand because it does not
14:13work the same way in women.
14:16Men are far more aroused
14:18>> [music]
14:18>> by the visual.
14:19>> Woody thought of Janice and how good
14:21looking she was. Hey you look mighty
14:24pretty. By the way I have a perfect
14:27proof.
14:28That is how gay men are also [music]
14:31aroused. That's proof this is not
14:33socialized. This is not something
14:36society does to acculturate men. Oh you
14:40should look at women as sex [music]
14:41objects. Gay men look at males as sex
14:45objects.
14:47By the way it's not the only way men
14:49look at women. It's not the only way gay
14:51men look at men although with some men
14:54on on a very brief hookup it is
14:57and it would be for a heterosexual man
14:58on a brief hookup. But obviously men
15:01love many things about women. However
15:04the visual is the immediate most
15:07powerful [music] turn on in the male.
15:10That is not true for the female. Of
15:12course females are turned on by the
15:14looks of some men but it's some men.
15:17>> Todd good looking nothing at all like
15:20the drips around school.
15:21>> This notion whenever I've raised it on
15:24the radio women will call up oh you're
15:25telling me I'm not turned on by a good
15:27looking man. I have never said that. I'm
15:30not saying that now. I'm just saying
15:32it's not comparable.
15:34After I gave a talk on this subject oh
15:36this has to be at least 25 years ago.
15:38>> [music]
15:39>> A guy in sales at my original radio
15:42station came over to me one day
15:45>> [music]
15:45>> and he said Dennis you have no idea how
15:48true this is about the visual.
15:50The other day I was walking past
15:53a department store
15:56and I caught myself
15:58looking up the skirt of a mannequin.
16:04If that doesn't prove the power of the
16:06[music] visual in men a mannequin an
16:08inanimate object made out of plastic
16:11women are not doing that.
16:13>> All I want you to do Cal is explain
16:15everything to my wife and then you go
16:17home.
16:18The visual is so overwhelmingly powerful
16:22in men that it is just that difficult in
16:25[music] women to understand this.
16:28That is why men spend
16:30thousands
16:32of times more money maybe hundreds of
16:34thousands maybe a million times more on
16:37pornography than women do solely because
16:40of the power of the visual.
16:42>> Queens of this theater we have some of
16:44the most beautiful girls in the world. I
16:46might add that none of this is a way of
16:49giving men a green light
16:52to act inappropriately. Oh I got turned
16:55on and I couldn't help myself. It's not
16:57an excuse.
16:59It's a problem
17:01the ease with which men are stimulated
17:03by the visual [music] is a problem.
17:06But the fact that reality poses a
17:08problem
17:10is [music] not a reason for a mature
17:12person to dismiss the reality.
17:22>> [singing]
17:25[music]
17:37[music]
17:42>> So visual turns men on.
17:45What turns women on?
17:48The visual is only one of them and it is
17:50not usually the biggest.
17:52The number of women who are attracted to
17:56men who [music] are not particularly
17:57good looking
17:59is almost equivalent to the number of
18:01men who are not particularly good
18:03looking. You don't think there's
18:04anything wrong with me? Oh forget it.
18:07I've got to go now. We'll talk about
18:08some other time.
18:10So I'll give you a little list of things
18:12that [music] turn women on
18:14more than looks.
18:16No order of importance. Voice.
18:19>> I have a secret darling.
18:21I'm an awful fool. Height brains
18:25personality
18:27money success
18:29fame
18:31power
18:32charm sense of humor
18:35confidence.
18:37By the way a man doesn't need all of
18:39them but some of them definitely are
18:42needed to turn a woman on.
18:45That's a much more complex list than the
18:48visual. Women are aroused by their
18:51minds.
18:52>> [music]
18:52>> Men are aroused by their eyes.
18:55Men are also aroused by their minds and
18:58women are also aroused by their eyes.
19:00I'm totally aware of that but if you
19:02want to be honest there's no comparison
19:05between the two.
19:07Here's what a woman writer wrote.
19:10Good looking guys are nice to look at
19:13but good looks won't hold our interest
19:17for more than a few minutes.
19:20Your face and body are side dishes.
19:24The main course is how well you're able
19:27to engage us to make us feel like we're
19:29at the center of your universe if only
19:32for a short stint
19:34which requires self awareness [music]
19:36and self confidence. We'll swoon over
19:39how you hold yourself walk and talk not
19:44how closely you resemble [music]
19:46Brad Pitt.
19:47So it takes far more to arouse a woman
19:50than just [music] seeing a good-looking
19:53man.
20:01>> [music]
20:06>> I read of a study
20:08where they asked college-aged men
20:11to sit alone in a room
20:13for hours.
20:15No book, no TV, nothing. Just sit alone.
20:19Same with same age group of young women.
20:23Then they asked them, "What did you
20:25think about?"
20:27Generally, the answer among men was
20:29sports and sex.
20:32Now, the answer of women was what really
20:35fascinated me as a man. I I yawned when
20:38I heard what the men thought of.
20:40But, the women was [clears throat] of a
20:42revelation to me.
20:45The women reviewed [music]
20:47conversations.
20:49Men don't review conversations as a
20:51general rule, just for the record.
20:55As I said earlier, they only remember
20:57the bottom line, but women remember the
21:00details.
21:01That's a very big difference.
21:04A friend of mine in high school,
21:07and I didn't expect this from him cuz he
21:09didn't strike me as a particularly
21:12active
21:13girl chaser,
21:15came over to me one day and said,
21:16"Dennis, I did some questioning of some
21:19of the guys in the class,
21:21and I've come to the following
21:23conclusion.
21:24One out of every 10 thoughts a guy has
21:29is not about sex."
21:36After the power of the visual and what
21:38turns them on as being different
21:41is the variety. Men
21:43want variety. [music]
21:45It is built into men.
21:49I'm always amazed at the at the men who
21:51are living with [music] or married to
21:54truly gorgeous women, among the most
21:56gorgeous
21:57in the world, [music]
21:59and then they will have an affair with a
22:01woman, sometimes who isn't [music]
22:04half as good-looking as their wife.
22:06Because what is moving them
22:08>> [music]
22:08>> is the variety impulse in men.
22:12Men love women.
22:15Women love a man.
22:18That's a very big difference.
22:20By the way, these differences [music]
22:21make for a lot of problems between the
22:23sexes.
22:24There's no doubt about it.
22:26But, if you're a grown-up, [music] you
22:27address life
22:29even when it's difficult, even when what
22:32you realize causes problems.
22:36That's what a grown-up does.
22:38Then you deal with it and you control
22:40yourself,
22:41and you understand the opposite sex
22:43better. [music]
22:44But, to deny it is to be a child and not
22:47be willing to be a grown-up facing
22:49[music] reality.
22:50Men want variety. That is the way we are
22:55made.
22:56>> [music]
22:56>> Period.
22:57Gay men want variety and straight men
23:00want variety.
23:01>> [music]
23:02>> Again, just for the record, this is not
23:05to absolve a man
23:07from controlling his nature.
23:09>> [music]
23:10>> Men
23:11have a lifelong battle with their sexual
23:14nature.
23:15>> [music]
23:16>> Good men win that battle.
23:18By the way,
23:20there are some good men who even lose
23:21that battle on occasion, or at least
23:23[music] once,
23:25and they shouldn't have, and it was
23:27wrong.
23:29But, it doesn't make the man necessarily
23:31bad. I mean, if if if he's a habitual
23:33cheater,
23:35this is not a good man.
23:39So, this does not absolve men,
23:41but I want every woman watching this to
23:43understand
23:45>> [music]
23:45>> the man in your life, if he's faithful,
23:48that's an achievement.
23:51It's bigger achievement than in [music]
23:53most cases when a woman is faithful. If
23:55she loves her husband
23:56and they have some degree of of of a
23:59decent [music]
23:59intimate life,
24:02it is not a struggle
24:04in her life on a on a on a regular
24:06[music] basis to stay faithful.
24:08But, no matter how much a man loves his
24:10wife, he has to fight his nature.
24:14>> [music]
24:14>> I know you'll never hear this,
24:17but it is true,
24:18and it is worth knowing.
24:21>> [music]
24:23>> I suggested on my on my male-female hour
24:26on a couple of occasions [music] that if
24:28your husband, for example, takes
24:30frequent business trips,
24:32you might just want to say to him at
24:33some point, "Honey,
24:36I know the temptations that are out
24:37there, and I I just want you to know
24:40I really appreciate your fidelity."
24:44>> [music]
24:45>> It's a big deal for a man to know that
24:47you appreciate
24:49the battle that he has to go through
24:50with his nature.
24:56American Psychological Association,
24:59February 2013,
25:01a classic study, they called it a
25:03classic study by Clark and Hatfield from
25:061989, found that men are much more
25:10likely than women [music]
25:11to accept casual sex offers from people
25:15they find attractive.
25:17That's exactly right.
25:18>> [music]
25:19>> That's part of the variety issue and the
25:21and the visual stimulation issue.
25:24>> [music]
25:24>> It's built into men.
25:27Women are not wired as men are for
25:30casual sex.
25:31>> [music]
25:31>> And we have too many proofs of the
25:36countereffects
25:38that the hookup culture, as it is called
25:40on college campuses, for example,
25:42[music]
25:44the consequences
25:46that are so negative for so many women.
25:47Not all. Nothing is all, but for most.
25:51So, what has [music] happened to women?
25:52What is the damage done by women being
25:54taught this nonsense that you have a
25:57male [music] sexual nature and can find
26:00casual sex as as enjoyable
26:04as men can?
26:06This is from the National Institute of
26:09Health, July 2013.
26:11The relationship between multiple sex
26:14partners and anxiety, depression, and
26:17substance dependence disorders.
26:20Yeah, the relationship. Australian
26:22Family Physician, December 2017,
26:25Psychological Distress and Risky [music]
26:27Sexual Behaviors Among Women
26:29Aged 16 to 25 Years in Victoria, [music]
26:33Australia.
26:34Psychological Distress.
26:37A woman writing an anonymous column in
26:40The Guardian, again from the left,
26:42[music] February 2008,
26:45expressed the problem this way, quote,
26:48"As a feminist, I believed the personal
26:50was [music] political and that I had the
26:52right to the same sexual freedom as men.
26:55In reality,
26:56open relationships were a nightmare,
26:58[music]
26:59painful, seething with repressed
27:02jealousy, and personally destructive."
27:06Women, [music] since I was in college,
27:07have been taught that their natures are
27:10just like men's.
27:12Men can enjoy casual sex
27:14>> [music]
27:14>> and a large number of different women,
27:17and by golly, why can't you?
27:21>> [music]
27:22>> Well, I'll tell you why most women
27:24can't.
27:25Cuz they're not wired in that direction.
27:29Sex is just a physical act with just
27:31another male body
27:33doesn't do for women what the physical
27:35act with another [music] female body
27:36does for men.
27:44Love and relationships.
27:46Both sexes want to be loved [music] and
27:49to love.
27:50That's a given.
27:52But, there is something additional that
27:54is [music] different.
27:56And this is the way I put it.
27:59Men want to be admired by the woman
28:02[music]
28:02they love.
28:04Women want to admire
28:06the man they love.
28:09>> [music]
28:10>> That's a difference.
28:11It's a subtle difference,
28:13but it's a big difference.
28:15A man loves a woman, he wants her to
28:18admire [music] him.
28:20And she wants to admire the man that she
28:22loves.
28:24And finally,
28:26men have bigger brains, but it doesn't
28:28mean smarter. [music]
28:29But,
28:32both sexes get stupid. Both do.
28:35When they don't think with their mind,
28:38but with another organ.
28:41>> [music]
28:41>> In the case of the woman, the heart. In
28:44the case of the man,
28:45>> [music]
28:46>> the penis.
28:49That can get you in a lot of trouble.
28:52Both sexes have a battle
28:55with one of their organs. It's never
28:57been put that way that I know of. I'm
28:59not trying to be original, but I admit
29:02[music] it's probably a new thought.
29:06One of my courses for the master's
29:09program is on the moral obligation to be
29:13happy. You should make the decision to
29:16be happy, or at least to act happy, even
29:20if you're not. We are filled with moral
29:22obligations in our lives.
29:25You can become a really wonderful human
29:27being if you battle your nature.
29:30And in the sexual realm,
29:32and in the realm of the differences
29:34between the two sexes,
29:36it's most obvious.
29:38We each have our battles,
29:40and we should help each other
29:42master
29:43those battles.
29:46When done [music] properly, the
29:48differences between men and women
29:51are sort of
29:53the proverbial jigsaw puzzle.
29:56Two very different pieces
29:58that fit
30:00almost perfectly.
30:07>> [music]
30:15[music]
30:28[music]
30:36[music]
30:41[singing]
30:41[music]
30:47[music]
30:54[music]
31:03[music]
31:09[music]
31:16[music]
31:37[music]
31:46[music]
32:09[music]
32:13[music]

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