Emerald Man 🌞 #minecraft #gaming — Transcript

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1. 0:00The other day, I realized that I was
2. 0:01paying way too much money in child
3. 0:02support for my baby villagers. My
4. 0:04accountant at the bank told me that I
5. 0:05was spending $5.99 a month on that
6. 0:07alone. And if you ask me, there's just
7. 0:08so many better things that I could be
8. 0:10spending that money on. Like my
9. 0:11crippling addiction to sugarcane, or my
10. 0:13psychological dependency on gambling.
11. 0:15>> [laughter]
12. 0:16>> So, I decided to do something about it.
13. 0:18My plan was simple, really. In order to
14. 0:20stop paying for child support, all I
15. 0:21needed to do was destroy the local
16. 0:23economy by diminishing the value of an
17. 0:24emerald to the point where it was
18. 0:25essentially worthless. If the currency
19. 0:27itself had no value, then technically I
20. 0:28wouldn't be spending any money.
21. 0:30>> [laughter]
22. 0:31>> So, the first thing I did was hire a
23. 0:33bunch of pillager thugs to break an old
24. 0:34wizard out of prison. The wizard was
25. 0:36serving time for multiple crimes,
26. 0:37including but not limited to
27. 0:38unsupervised necromancy, distribution of
28. 0:40contraband potions, developing illegal
29. 0:42enchantments, intoxicated spellcasting,
30. 0:44and most importantly, using a forbidden
31. 0:45spell to create counterfeit emeralds.
32. 0:47With him released, inflation was on a
33. 0:48heavy rise, but the emeralds still held
34. 0:50value in my village. So, the next thing
35. 0:52I did was ruin the trade relationship
36. 0:53with my village's number one ally. For
37. 0:55years, my village was fully dependent on
38. 0:56the trade they had with the nearby oak
39. 0:58village for food. By destroying this
40. 0:59relationship, the local economy would be
41. 1:01in ruins, and obtaining food via
42. 1:02conventional means would be nearly
43. 1:03impossible, forcing most people to have
44. 1:05to quit their jobs in order to hunt and
45. 1:06gather for their own food. So, I blew up
46. 1:08all the coal mines that my village was
47. 1:09primarily using for trade. And I
48. 1:10assassinated the leader of the oak
49. 1:11village, leaving a note saying that my
50. 1:13village was solely responsible for the
51. 1:14attack, ruining the millennial-long
52. 1:16strategic partnership, and plunging
53. 1:17everyone in my village straight INTO
54. 1:19POVERTY.
55. 1:19>> [laughter]
56. 1:21>> MY VILLAGE was now ranked one of the
57. 1:22poorest villages in the world, but the
58. 1:23emerald's value miraculously still stood
59. 1:25strong. So, I made one final attempt to
60. 1:27put an end to the currency once and for
61. 1:28all. By talking with one of the
62. 1:29village's elders, I learned that long
63. 1:31before CIVILIZATION BEGAN, A GIANT
64. 1:32EMERALD meteor crashed into the earth.
65. 1:34When villagers eventually found the
66. 1:35meteor, they discovered that it wasn't
67. 1:36just a normal rock, but rather it was
68. 1:38some kind of vessel that was
69. 1:39transporting a man made out of emeralds.
70. 1:41The man told the villagers that his
71. 1:42people had the ability to naturally
72. 1:43create emeralds, but if he ever were to
73. 1:45die, then all the emeralds he created
74. 1:46would die with him. So, the villagers
75. 1:47offered him a safe place to reside, and
76. 1:49in exchange, the emerald man provided
77. 1:51them with mountains of emeralds, which
78. 1:52were used to fund the first stages of
79. 1:53civilization. So, I made my way to his
80. 1:55secret base, destroyed the emerald
81. 1:56golems protecting it, and confronted the
82. 1:58Emerald Man. The Emerald Man begged me
83. 2:00to spare him, saying that I wasn't aware
84. 2:01what his death would truly mean. It
85. 2:03wasn't just my village that depended on
86. 2:04his emeralds, it was the ENTIRE WORLD.
87. 2:06BY DESTROYING HIM, I would basically be
88. 2:08destroying every civilization on the
89. 2:09planet. Villages everywhere would start
90. 2:11declaring war on each other for
91. 2:12resources, and the world as we know it
92. 2:13would turn into a war-torn hellscape.
93. 2:15That's when I truly realized the gravity
94. 2:17of the situation. This wasn't just about
95. 2:18me. There might be other people out
96. 2:20there suffering from the same fate as
97. 2:21me, desperately searching for a solution
98. 2:23for having to pay $5.99 a month on child
99. 2:24support. So, for the sake of all those
100. 2:26innocent people, I had no choice but to
101. 2:28ensure that Emerald Man never saw the
102. 2:29light of day again.
103. 2:31>> [laughter]
104. 2:32>> My village is now a ghost town, and
105. 2:33every civilization in the world is
106. 2:34steeped in war. But now I can finally
107. 2:36rest easy, knowing that I won't have to
108. 2:37pay $5.99 next month.
109. 2:40>> [laughter]