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El verdadero problema de la adicción a la PORNOGRAFÍA — Transcript

by Celia Betrián | Psicóloga de vínculos y sexualidad · 3,910 words · 593 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00In Spain, the average age at which a
0:02child sees pornography is around 12
0:04years old. But there are reports that
0:07place it even earlier, between eight
0:10and nine. Think right now about any
0:13child between 8 and 12 years old, their
0:15face, what worries them, what they know
0:17about life, and now think about what
0:19they are going to consume. Because when
0:23analyzing scenes from these platforms,
0:25which are among the most visited in the
0:27world, between a third and nearly half
0:29of the videos contain at least one act
0:31of physical aggression. And in the vast
0:34majority of these cases, the aggressor
0:36is him and the one receiving it is her.
0:39This child is not receiving any sexual
0:41education, and I think it goes without
0:44saying that pornography is never a good
0:46school for sexuality. But think about
0:50what they are already normalizing
0:52without even having kissed someone,
0:54without even having bonded intimately
0:57with someone, and without even, I hope,
0:59having had a sexual relationship with
1:02anyone. And mind you, I am not neutral
1:05on this subject. And this is not about
1:08morals or religion, because everything
1:10I am going to tell you in this video is
1:12backed by data and by what I see in my
1:14practice, which are the consequences. I
1:17will also tell you, this video is not
1:19against people who consume it. I am not
1:23saying that consuming it makes you a
1:25monster or someone who is mentally ill.
1:28Many of us have fallen into that trap
1:30because it is also very easy to access.
1:33It is served to you on a silver platter
1:35; we will talk about the addictive
1:37potential of all this later on. Many
1:40adults who still consume it or are
1:42addicted today, think that they have
1:44been doing it since they were 12, 13,
1:46or 14 because they were given a phone,
1:48and that phone gives them that range of
1:50possibilities. And in the end, what was
1:53curiosity at first has today become
1:55something completely normal. This video
1:58is completely against an industry, so
2:01let's see how this industry is designed
2:04, what it does to our reward system,
2:06and what has really been seen in brain
2:09scans. Because imagine how vulnerable
2:11an adolescent brain is and the damage
2:13that it could be doing from such an
2:15early age. We will also analyze exactly
2:18what those videos contain, how it is
2:20produced, what it does to your
2:22sexuality and your real sex life, and
2:24what happens when someone decides to
2:26cut back or quit. And honestly, even if
2:29you think I’m exaggerating, I promise
2:31you that these are all facts. Hi, I’m
2:33Celia Betrián, a psychologist,
2:35sexologist, and couples therapist, and
2:36on this channel, you’ll find a lot of
2:38content about self-esteem, sexuality,
2:40and relationships. So, I invite you to
2:42subscribe and also follow me on my
2:44Instagram and TikTok. Let’s get
2:46started. Let’s move to the first
2:47block. The thing is, when we consume
2:49porn, we aren't consuming real sex
2:52scenes. It’s not recorded sex; it’s
2:55a product that has been designed.
2:57Let’s compare it to ultra-processed
2:59food. A bag of chips isn't just a
3:02potato; it’s a potato optimized with
3:05salt, fat, that crunch—even the sound
3:08of the bag—to activate the reward
3:10system as much as possible, in the
3:13shortest time possible. If you stop to
3:17think about it, it isn't designed to
3:19nourish you, and the designer of that
3:21bag of chips doesn't care at all about
3:24the effect it will have on your health,
3:26which we know is harmful or, at the
3:28very least, provides no nutritional
3:30value. Wait, a quick aside: I’m not
3:33saying you should never eat
3:35ultra-processed food—I do it too—
3:36but it’s just so you understand, okay
3:38? Ultimately, that bag of chips is
3:41designed so you can’t stop, so you
3:43keep on consuming it. So, porn is
3:45exactly that, applied to sexuality.
3:49Look at what it's offering you compared
3:51to real sex. Unlimited novelty, zero
3:54waiting, zero rejection, zero
3:56negotiation. No one is tired, no one is
4:00having a bad day, no one you have to
4:02ask anything of, no real bodies, no
4:04exposure because no one is watching you
4:06, and the ability to change the
4:08stimulus the second your arousal drops
4:11a little. And this is an effect called
4:13the Coolidge effect. Arousal drops when
4:16the stimulus is repeated and spikes
4:18again when a new one appears. It’s a
4:21very ancient mechanism with an
4:23evolutionary logic. The problem is that
4:25in real life, that mechanism has a
4:27natural ceiling because you have a
4:29person right in front of you. On a
4:31screen with millions of videos, that
4:33ceiling disappears because you can have
4:3520 new partners in 20 minutes without
4:37getting off the couch. And our reward
4:40system isn't built for that, since in
4:42the history of our species, nothing
4:44like this has ever existed. So, we
4:47could say that porn is ultra-processed
4:50sex designed so you can’t stop, not
4:52to educate you or make the sex in your
4:55relationships wonderful. In this
4:58section, we are going to talk about how
5:00the reward system works and why it
5:02always asks for more. The first thing
5:04to clarify is a huge misunderstanding.
5:06Dopamine is not the pleasure molecule,
5:08nor is it what appears when you like
5:10something. It’s what drives you to
5:13seek it out, which is why something as
5:15strange as someone spending 2 hours
5:16looking for videos without enjoying any
5:18of them can happen. The "wanting" is
5:21high, but the "liking" is extremely low
5:24. So, we could call that a dysregulated
5:28reward circuit. Novelty is one of the
5:31biggest triggers of dopamine that
5:32exists. Each new video, each new tab,
5:35each new category is a spike, and in
5:38the end, the system always ends up
5:40adapting. When you bombard it with a
5:43stimulus well above normal repeatedly,
5:45what it does is lower its own
5:46sensitivity to avoid burning out. And
5:49this is what we know in psychology as
5:51tolerance. And tolerance always ends up
5:53asking for the same thing: more
5:55quantity, more frequency, or more
5:57intensity to achieve what you
5:58previously got with less. That is why,
6:01in the end, so many people describe it
6:03the same way. They started with fairly
6:05normal content and years later are
6:07watching things they never would have
6:09imagined, without really knowing how
6:11they got there. And this can sometimes
6:14carry a huge amount of shame because
6:15the person thinks it reveals something
6:17horrible about who they are. It's as if
6:20they have completely lost control of
6:23what they consume because their reward
6:25system asks them for more and more. And
6:29of course, when you consume pornography
6:31channels, there are so many things you
6:34can access with more intensity, more
6:37aggression, and much more questionable
6:40content, so the reward system never
6:42stops feeding. This escalation is
6:45telling you that your brain upped the
6:47dose because the previous one no longer
6:49did anything for it. Let's move on to
6:51the section on what has actually been
6:52seen in scans. The most cited study is
6:55that of Max Planck in Berlin. I don't
6:57know if I'm saying it right, but anyway
6:59, I'll leave it on the screen.
7:00Published in JAMA Psychiatry and
7:02literally titled "The Brain on Porn,"
7:05they scanned a group of adult men and
7:08found three things. First, the more
7:11weekly hours of consumption they
7:13reported, the lower the volume of gray
7:15matter in the striatum, specifically in
7:17the right caudate, which is a central
7:19part of the reward system. Second, the
7:22most frequent consumers showed less
7:24brain activation when viewing sexual
7:27images than those who consumed little;
7:29in other words, they responded less to
7:31the same stimulus. And that is
7:34tolerance measured directly in a scan.
7:37And the third, lower functional
7:38connectivity between that reward zone
7:41and the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex.
7:44The prefrontal, let's say, is the
7:46braking zone that plans, that weighs
7:47consequences, that lets you say, "Whoa,
7:49not now." In other words, the complete
7:53pattern we see is an accelerator that
7:55responds less and a brake that is less
7:57connected. What the authors summarized
8:00is that regular consumption seems to
8:02wear down the reward system. It is also
8:05true that this study was correlational
8:07with a small sample and does not
8:09demonstrate causality as such. It could
8:12also be that people who already have
8:14this brain profile consume more porn,
8:16and not the other way around. Both
8:19interpretations are possible, although
8:21they consider it more likely that
8:23consumption is what produces the
8:25changes. In more recent systematic
8:28reviews on brain reactivity in
8:29problematic consumption, the results
8:32are not unanimous. Some find greater
8:35striatal activation to sexual stimuli
8:37in problematic consumers, while others
8:39find no differences. In other words, it
8:42is not settled yet. But why am I
8:44telling you all this anyway? Because
8:46the conversation is not about whether
8:48it destroys your brain—which is an
8:50exaggeration and unproven, so it
8:52doesn't matter, which is an excuse. The
8:56honest conversation is that we have a
8:58product of massive overstimulation
9:00consumed daily from very early ages,
9:02and research that consistently points
9:05to desensitization and poorer
9:06prefrontal control. So with this, we
9:10can already say that this is not
9:12something harmless. There is no need to
9:14say, "Hey, this is destroying your
9:16brain." But with all these studies, we
9:19can indeed say that it is an
9:21accelerator that responds less and less
9:23and a brake that is increasingly poorly
9:25connected. Let's move to the adolescent
9:28brain block, because this is where the
9:30real problem truly lies. We have seen
9:33everything mentioned above in adult
9:35brains, but we already know that actual
9:37consumption does not start in adulthood
9:40; it starts at 12 or much earlier, at 8
9:42. And it is a different problem. First,
9:45the adolescent brain has a fully
9:47operational reward system and a
9:49half-built prefrontal cortex. The
9:52prefrontal cortex does not finish
9:54maturing until past 20 or even 25,
9:56meaning the accelerator and the brake
9:58are still in the workshop. That already
10:01explains, and I think it is no news to
10:03anyone, that adolescence is a risk
10:05stage for any addictive behavior. In
10:07adolescence, sexuality is being
10:09constructed; that is, what is it that
10:11you like? What do you expect from a
10:13body? What is it that you believe is
10:15normal in bed? What is consent? What do
10:18you associate with desire? Everything
10:20being learned there is leaving a mark.
10:23And third, there is nothing
10:24compensating for it, without real
10:26affective sexual education, without
10:28being able to ask at home, without
10:30anyone to provide context. So, of
10:33course, it becomes the only reliable
10:34source on what sexuality is. So, we are
10:38letting an entire industry explain to
10:41teenagers what they should expect from
10:44sexuality, and what sexuality is, to a
10:47whole generation; at the exact moment
10:49when everything is taking shape, in one
10:52of the most vulnerable and delicate
10:55moments and with no adult in the room.
10:59And in the end, all these consequences
11:01are already being seen, which is also
11:02why I am making this video. Studies on
11:05pornography and adolescence are
11:07describing negative effects on the
11:09quality of relationships, on mental
11:11health, and on psychosocial development
11:13. And all the sex educators working in
11:16high schools in Spain have been saying
11:19the same thing for years: that all
11:21these kids don't call violence what is
11:23actually violence. They are calling sex
11:27the act of insulting, spitting, and
11:29choking, and many describe that as
11:31their first sexual experiences. A while
11:36ago, I made a video about Viagra use
11:38among 18-year-olds, because that is
11:41exactly what pornography is achieving:
11:43that when young people experience sex
11:46for the first time, it feels like
11:48nothing to them and they don't get
11:51aroused. So, of course, imagine, many
11:54of these kids haven't even kissed
11:56someone, but they already have an
11:58entire industry telling them how it has
12:00to be. And what is worrying is that
12:02they see what they consume as normal,
12:04but they don't know how to distinguish
12:05where the limit is in reality. Let's
12:07move on to the block about what that
12:09material actually contains, what is it
12:12that really worries me. The most cited
12:14analysis reviewed more than 4,000
12:16heterosexual scenes from the largest
12:18platforms in the world. What was the
12:20result? Around 35%of the videos on one
12:23of them and 45%on the other contained
12:26at least one act of physical aggression
12:29. And in the vast majority, the one
12:32doing the aggressing was the man and
12:33the one receiving it was the woman.
12:36Second piece of data from a different
12:38analysis: it reviewed scenes and around
12:4118%of the women appeared to reach
12:43orgasm, compared to 78%of the men.
12:46Think about the message this might be
12:49installing. His pleasure is the goal in
12:52the scene, and hers is just scenery. If
12:55it arrives, great; and if not, well,
12:56that's fine too. And third, one of the
12:59analyses focused on the teen category,
13:01which is systematically one of the most
13:03searched on the planet. And it found
13:06that those videos were more likely to
13:08carry titles that suggested aggression.
13:11And, in general, degradation and
13:13aggression are depicted as something
13:15consented to and pleasurable for her.
13:17And that is the core message, that she
13:19actually likes all of that. And of
13:21course, just imagine all these patterns
13:24that are being described in all these
13:26analyses. What conclusion can we draw
13:28from all of this? Women's pain is
13:31eroticized, their lack of desire is
13:33eroticized, and their suffering is
13:35eroticized. In other words, her not
13:37wanting it is part of the scene's
13:39appeal. Now, tell me, how does he learn
13:41to interpret a "no"? A 13-year-old kid
13:43who sees this 300 times. Many men who
13:47don't understand or don't want to
13:49understand what consent is; that the
13:51fact that their partner is asleep,
13:53drunk, or unconscious doesn't indicate
13:55to them that they cannot access her
13:57body, her desire, and her pleasure;
13:59where later, consensual sex seems empty
14:01to them, seems like something that
14:03isn't fueling the passion of the
14:05relationship; that the fact that she is
14:08uncomfortable is not enough to stop the
14:10sexual act; that insisting on having
14:12sex is okay; that adding violence to
14:15the sexual act is okay without her
14:17consenting to any of it. It's as if
14:19there's an implicit message that she
14:21likes all of this, even if she says no.
14:24Even discomfort, freezing up, or lack
14:27of interest are read as consent. In
14:30other words, it is not enough that the
14:32woman is not enjoying the sexual act.
14:34And we are going to talk in this sixth
14:36block about how it's produced. We are
14:38going to talk about that consent on the
14:39other side of the camera. The big
14:41platforms function to a large extent
14:43with material that anyone can upload.
14:46That means that for years,
14:47non-consensual content has circulated
14:49and continues to circulate: stolen
14:51private recordings, revenge porn,
14:53videos of people for whom there is no
14:55guarantee they were of age, or that
14:57they were there voluntarily. There have
15:01been mass purges of content on the
15:02biggest platforms precisely because of
15:04this, and lawsuits from victims who
15:06have spent years begging for their
15:08videos to be removed without success.
15:10So, what am I trying to tell you with
15:11this? That when someone opens one of
15:14those pages, there is no way to know if
15:16what they are watching was recorded
15:17with consent. And then there's the
15:20situation of those who work on the
15:21inside. What studies may be describing
15:24are high levels of substance use,
15:26mental health issues, and instability.
15:29And women disproportionately bear the
15:32brunt of it. And this, of course, does
15:34not stay on the screen either. I also
15:36want to make a nuance here. There are
15:38adults who work in adult content by
15:40their own choice, in decent conditions,
15:43and with control over their material.
15:46It is not for me to tell them how to
15:49live. And the problem is not really
15:52that explicit sexual content exists;
15:55the real problem is this massive, free,
15:58and unverified industry that 99%of
16:01people consume. So, of course, there is
16:04no way to know if the person you are
16:07watching chose to be there. And that is
16:09information the industry has decided
16:11you do not need. Now let's talk about
16:13what it does to your sex life. Let’s
16:16bring all of this down to your bed.
16:18First, we've already seen the script,
16:21because porn is to sexuality what
16:23action movies are to driving. You can
16:26watch 1,000 chases and not have a damn
16:29clue how to park. It is teaching that
16:32sex is only penetration and everything
16:34else is just a preamble. When we know
16:37that most women do not reach orgasm
16:39through penetration alone. It teaches
16:42that there is no need to talk, that no
16:43one asks anything, and that everyone
16:45gets it right by telepathy. It teaches
16:48that desire appears out of nowhere and
16:50at maximum intensity, when for many
16:53people, especially women, their desire
16:55is responsive—meaning the context and
16:57stimulation come first, and the desire
16:59appears later. It is also teaching a
17:04specific aesthetic model of what a body
17:06, a genital, and a sound should be, and
17:08it is teaching that female pleasure is
17:11a performance aimed at a camera. That
17:14is to say, it is teaching women to
17:16perform during the sexual act. Secondly
17:20, we have comparison, because there are
17:22studies in which a portion of habitual
17:25consumers directly admit that
17:26consumption reduces their sexual
17:28interest in real partners. And thirdly,
17:32erections. And here I am going to be
17:35careful again because the relationship
17:37between consumption and erectile
17:39dysfunction is debated and is not as
17:40direct as people say on the internet.
17:44But there is something we are
17:45constantly seeing in the clinic, and it
17:48is that if your brain has gotten used
17:50to being aroused by very intense, fast
17:52stimuli and constant novelty, sex,
17:54which is ultimately slower, clumsier,
17:56more human, with one person and with a
17:58body that isn't decorated, will be
18:00harder for you; but it is not solving
18:03absolutely anything of what lies
18:04beneath. And fourth and finally, and
18:08what is said least, is loneliness,
18:10because no one is touching you, no one
18:12is seeing you, no one knows you, and in
18:14the end, we could say it is working
18:16very well as anesthesia and very poorly
18:18as nourishment. A great many people who
18:21consume it daily have an intimacy
18:23problem and have found a way not to
18:25notice it. Let's get to the end of the
18:28video on what can be done about all
18:30this. If you want to reduce it or quit,
18:34first of all, forget about willpower,
18:36because it doesn't usually work with a
18:38type of behavioral problem like this.
18:42What can work is removing that easy
18:44access, setting up blockers, keeping
18:45your phone out of the bedroom, and not
18:47sleeping with your phone in your hand.
18:50Second, I would tell you to identify
18:52the trigger. I recommend keeping a
18:54record of what happens just before you
18:57feel the urge to watch porn, because
18:59normally you will see a very clear
19:01pattern that, in many cases, has
19:02nothing to do with being in the mood
19:04for sex. It will have more to do with
19:08feeling boredom, anxiety, stress,
19:09loneliness, or perhaps right after an
19:12argument with your partner. Third, you
19:15have to replace the function. These
19:18problems persist because we don't
19:19understand what their function is. For
19:22example, the function might be that you
19:24were using it to fall asleep, so here
19:25we would have to incorporate another
19:27way for you to sleep well. Or perhaps
19:30you were using it to regulate your
19:31anxiety, so then we need to look for
19:33another resource to regulate your
19:35anxiety, because taking away the crutch
19:37without fixing the leg will never work.
19:39Fourth, expect relapses and don't turn
19:42them into a catastrophe. Relapses are
19:45part of any process. If, for example,
19:48when you relapse, you treat yourself
19:49badly or hate yourself, all of this
19:51will worsen this cycle. Treat yourself
19:53with kindness and compassion at all
19:55times, because if you add that shame on
19:57top of it, it's like adding gasoline to
19:59the fire. And fifth, if you have
20:01already tried all of this and it hasn't
20:03worked for you, I recommend therapy.
20:05And even if you want to try all of this
20:07, I would still recommend therapy.
20:10Ultimately, this video is just
20:12psychoeducational content, but it is
20:14not a tool that will magically save you
20:16. Sometimes we can't do it alone, and
20:18that's okay. And sex therapy works
20:21precisely for that, to give you a safe,
20:23judgment-free space where we can
20:25analyze its function in your case and
20:28provide the right guidelines
20:30individually. In the end, there is a
20:33diagnosis recognized by the WHO, which
20:35is compulsive sexual behavior disorder.
20:38This is, well, when it has gotten a bit
20:40out of hand—I’m not saying that's
20:42happening to you. If you have children,
20:44what do I recommend? Because I
20:45understand that all of this has worried
20:47you a bit. If your child doesn't see it
20:49at home, they will see it on a friend's
20:51phone. So, the only protection that
20:53really works long-term is having a
20:55conversation with them before the
20:57screen does. That means talking to them
20:59before they turn 12. I know it sounds
21:01very early, but it's better to arrive
21:03early than late. And arriving late
21:06means the first version of sexuality
21:08they receive will have come from the
21:11industry; you don't need a super
21:13polished, rigid speech, just explain
21:16three main ideas. Like how that is a
21:20performance, just like an action movie?
21:24That nobody does that in real life,
21:26because it teaches that hurting women
21:29is seen as something fun, which it
21:31isn't, and it’s not something we
21:33should replicate; that if they ever
21:35have doubts or it makes them feel
21:37uneasy, or if they are truly starting
21:39to feel addicted, they can come tell
21:42you without a problem. Above all, these
21:46topics must be handled at home with
21:48trust, without humiliation, blame, or
21:51shame; you should be a safe space where
21:53you won't laugh at any question they
21:55might ask. Because often, children
21:58don't tell us things for fear of being
22:00punished, and that is where the real
22:02harm is done and they experience it in
22:03greater isolation. So, we have reached
22:05the end of the video. We’ve seen that
22:09we have a product designed to
22:10overstimulate a system not built for it
22:13, which produces tolerance and is
22:15associated with a diminishing brain
22:17response and even worse prefrontal
22:19control, whose content includes
22:21aggression toward women in a huge
22:23percentage of scenes, produced without
22:25any guarantee of consent, and which is
22:27being consumed daily by 12-year-olds
22:29without any adult conversation
22:31surrounding it. The question that
22:34arises for me is, how have we managed
22:36to make all this so normalized? So, at
22:38least you have the information now. Now
22:40the honest question is, what are we
22:42going to do about it? Thanks for making
22:44it this far. I hope you liked it, and
22:46if you have any questions or comments,
22:48leave them below and I’ll read them.
22:51And don't forget to subscribe, like,
22:53and share it with those you know might
22:54be interested in this topic. See you in
22:57the next video. A huge kiss. Mua.

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