Dracula Has Adult Braces — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:02- My dearest Mina,
2. 0:04I fear I am trapped here
3. 0:05in the castle of Count Dracula.
4. 0:07Dracula: Yes, trapped.
5. 0:10And now I shall drink your blood.
6. 0:13Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
7. 0:14- No, Count, no, stay back.
8. 0:16Nooo!
9. 0:17Hang on.
10. 0:20Are those adult braces?
11. 0:21- [gasps]
12. 0:22[audience laughter]
13. 0:24No.
14. 0:26- Aren't you, like, a thousand years old?
15. 0:29Dracula: Just close your eyes.
16. 0:31It still vorks ze same.
17. 0:33What, no, no, don't, ahhh.
18. 0:35[audience laughter]
19. 0:36- Okay, yeah, yeah.
20. 0:37They're adult braces.
21. 0:39- No, they're just normal fangs.
22. 0:42See?
23. 0:43[audience laughter]
24. 0:45Okay, fine.
25. 0:45I got the braces.
26. 0:47I vanted to do the Invisalign,
27. 0:49but my insurance wouldn't cover it!
28. 0:51[thunder crashes]
29. 0:54Are you still scared?
30. 0:56- Uh... yeah.
31. 0:58Yeah, yeah, buddy, of course.
32. 1:01[audience laughter]
33. 1:02- Do you mean it?
34. 1:03Because I'm pretty self-conscious about it.
35. 1:07- Well, I think you're right to be.
36. 1:10[audience laughter]
37. 1:14- I vish I had taken care of this as a boy.
38. 1:17Behold, my embarrassing old smile!
39. 1:20[thunder crashes]
40. 1:21[audience laughter]
41. 1:23Jonathan: Oh, yuck!
42. 1:25I mean, you could drive a freight train
43. 1:26through that gap.
44. 1:28[audience laughter]
45. 1:29Dracula: Vy do you think I'm always doing
46. 1:30the weird arm-hiding-my-face thing, huh?
47. 1:33- Uh, uh, yeah.
48. 1:36No, yeah, I mean, that makes sense.
49. 1:38Hey, but when you get 'em off in two years,
50. 1:39you'll be glad you put in the effort now.
51. 1:41- Oh, good, yes!
52. 1:43I am confident again, ha-ha!
53. 1:46Now, I will drink your blood.
54. 1:48- No, nooo!
55. 1:50Wait, hey, oh!
56. 1:51You got a little something in your...
57. 1:53adult braces.
58. 1:54- What?
59. 1:54No!
60. 1:55Are you serious?
61. 1:56- Oh, yeah, a big old chunk of somethin'.
62. 1:58What is that, spinach?
63. 1:59- [whimpers]
64. 2:01[emotional] Today stinks.
65. 2:02- Oh, oh, come here.
66. 2:04Here, I'll show ya.
67. 2:07- Ah, no reflection.
68. 2:08[audience laughter]
69. 2:11- Bet that made it pretty tough
70. 2:11on your orthodontist.
71. 2:13- Yeah, yeah.
72. 2:14They have that tiny tool with the mirror on it
73. 2:16to see the teeth,
74. 2:17and they were like, vhat the?
75. 2:18No reflection!
76. 2:20[audience laughter]
77. 2:21- Yeah, I bet she was all like, What the?
78. 2:24- Yeah, yeah.
79. 2:27Dr. Yamada, she does great work.
80. 2:29She let me keep her book,
81. 2:32It's Aligned!
82. 2:34[audience laughter]
83. 2:36Monster Orthodontics.
84. 2:37Jonathan: Hmm.
85. 2:39Dracula: Yeah.
86. 2:39Jonathan: Oh, yeah.
87. 2:42She's good.
88. 2:42- Yeah.
89. 2:43- And, uh, oh, what's this?
90. 2:44Dracula: Invisible Man.
91. 2:45[audience laughter]
92. 2:48You should see her.
93. 2:49She accepts most insurances
94. 2:51and is conveniently located in my dungeon.
95. 2:54[thunder crashes]
96. 2:55Dr. Yamada: Help meee!
97. 2:59- Uhhh, nah.
98. 3:01I should probably head out.
99. 3:04My fiancée's probably like, Where the heck is he?
100. 3:07- Don't vorry about your sweet little Mina.
101. 3:10She shall soon be joining you...
102. 3:13in death!
103. 3:14- Stay back.
104. 3:16I don't wanna use this on you.
105. 3:17- Ha-ha-ha!
106. 3:18Let me guess.
107. 3:19A cross, a clove of garlic, a vooden stake?
108. 3:22Your silly trinkets have no powers over me here!
109. 3:26- Oh yeah?
110. 3:26And what about...
111. 3:27this?
112. 3:28- [gasps]
113. 3:30[audience laughter]
114. 3:32A caramel apple.
115. 3:33That sticky caramel
116. 3:35could really mess up my braces.
117. 3:38No, no, no, no!
118. 3:41- [laughing] Oh, yes!
119. 3:42Oh, yes!
120. 3:43- No means no, no!
121. 3:45[audience applause, cheering]
122. 3:49No, no, no!
123. 3:53[eerie music]
124. 3:55♪♪
125. 4:03- Thank you for vatching.
126. 4:05If you enjoyed that, comment down below
127. 4:07on your worst braces experience.
128. 4:11I can't vait to read zem all.
129. 4:13Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
130. 4:15But seriously, would be nice to know that I'm not alone.
131. 4:19That I'm not so...
132. 4:21strange.