Don't Fall In Love With A Fantasy — Transcript

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1. 0:00it's with our fantasy that we first meet
2. 0:02the unknown right well look say you're
3. 0:05going out with a new person it's like
4. 0:06what do you do you project a fantasy on
5. 0:09them and then you fall in love with the
6. 0:11fantasy and aren't you stupid because
7. 0:13you're going to find out that the match
8. 0:16between your damn fantasy and the actual
9. 0:18person is tenuous at best and so Yung
10. 0:21would call that a a projection of either
11. 0:25Thea or the Animus you know Thea is what
12. 0:28a man projects onto a woman he finds
13. 0:30desirable it's like oh she's the perfect
14. 0:32woman it's like well how do you know
15. 0:34that you've like seen her for 4 seconds
16. 0:37you know but it grips you and the same
17. 0:39thing happens in the opposite direction
18. 0:41and it's an action of instinct you know
19. 0:43it's like you fall in love with the
20. 0:45image and but interestingly enough what
21. 0:47you do in a relationship that works is
22. 0:49that you actually I think that what you
23. 0:52see it's a rough approximation when you
24. 0:55project the ideal and fall in love with
25. 0:57it you see what could be
26. 1:00it could be that but it's going to take
27. 1:02you a hell of a lot of work because like
28. 1:04you got no shortage of flaws and the
29. 1:07other person has no shortage of flaws
30. 1:09and so you're bringing your flaws
31. 1:11together and that's going to produce a
32. 1:12lot of friction and you're going to have
33. 1:14to engage in a lot of dialogue before
34. 1:18you approach that level of perfection
35. 1:20again
36. 1:22but maybe you can do it then you get to
37. 1:25live happily ever after well wouldn't
38. 1:27that be nice well so the conscious meets
39. 1:30the unknown and it it meets it with
40. 1:32imagination and fantasy and dream and
41. 1:35art that's how you take see you don't
42. 1:38just go from what you don't know to
43. 1:40fully articulated knowledge in one
44. 1:42bloody leap you can't do that you have
45. 1:45to extend pseudopods of fantasy and
46. 1:48Imagination into the unknown that's kind
47. 1:50of what theorizing is like right even
48. 1:53scientifically you know you don't know
49. 1:54something scientifically you generate a
50. 1:56theory well it's an imaginative
51. 1:58representation that your unconscious is
52. 2:01helping you generate and so you meet the
53. 2:03unknown with fantasy that's what the
54. 2:05unconscious is for from the
55. 2:06psychoanalytic perspective that's what
56. 2:08dreams do and you can see why you dream
57. 2:11about the future you know it's like well
58. 2:14what's the future going to be like well
59. 2:15you have a little imaginative story
60. 2:17going on and it's like you don't really
61. 2:19create it it's sort of you watch it
62. 2:21unfold you know maybe you can tweak it
63. 2:23here and there but it sort of comes to
64. 2:25you from wherever the hell things like
65. 2:27that come from you know the unconscious
66. 2:30that's the psychoanalytic answer it's
67. 2:33not really much of an answer because
68. 2:35it's more like a representation of a of
69. 2:37a place that we don't understand but
70. 2:40that's where creativity comes from and I
71. 2:43mean some people are really creative
72. 2:44right down to the bloody core so in my
73. 2:47clinical practice I often see people who
74. 2:49are high in openness because they're
75. 2:50attracted to me because they watch my
76. 2:52lectures and you have to kind of be high
77. 2:54in openness to like my lectures so
78. 2:56because well you do because they go
79. 2:58everywhere you know and and they're not
80. 3:00necessarily very orderly you know it's
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110. 3:57free so anyways lots of my clients are
111. 3:59really high in openness and they're
112. 4:01funny people often especially if they're
113. 4:03smart because sometimes they have the
114. 4:05most nihilistic intelligence you can
115. 4:07imagine it's just self-critical and
116. 4:09nihilistic and brutally brutal man and
117. 4:13smart and so they just criticize
118. 4:16themselves out of existence and so often
119. 4:18I have to just try to get them to quit
120. 4:21listening to their chattering R
121. 4:23self-critical rationality and go out and
122. 4:25create something you know with their
123. 4:27massive creativity and as long as as
124. 4:29they're doing that they're engaged in
125. 4:31the world and happy as hell but as soon
126. 4:33as that self-critical rationality comes
127. 4:35in and shuts down the creativity they're
128. 4:37just they're just like walking corpses
129. 4:39you know and it's because if you're
130. 4:42really open like that's you're a tree
131. 4:44and it has some Trunks and you know your
132. 4:47your most prominent trait is the most
133. 4:49Lively trunk and if you're a creative
134. 4:51person and you're not engaging in a
135. 4:53creative Enterprise you're just you're
136. 4:56like a tree that that has been that has
137. 4:58had its vit it amputated and so this is
138. 5:02not trivial this stuff is this is deeply
139. 5:06deeply deeply rooted in your biology and
140. 5:09and those are people often who have like
141. 5:12dream lives you just can't believe I
142. 5:14have one client he has like four
143. 5:16spectacular dreams a week and most of
144. 5:18the time we just spend discussing them I
145. 5:20mean God he and I had another client who
146. 5:24could be Lucid in her dreams which is
147. 5:26more common among women she could ask
148. 5:28the damn characters what they
149. 5:30represented and they would tell her it
150. 5:31was like okay that was pretty weird and
151. 5:34like a lot of the things they told her
152. 5:36were really helpful and they were not
153. 5:38things that she wanted to hear she she
154. 5:41basically one of them told her she if
155. 5:44she was going to live she'd have to go
156. 5:46visit a slaughter house and the reason
157. 5:48for that was because she was raised as a
158. 5:51little princess and protected from
159. 5:53horrible Mother Nature until she hit
160. 5:56puberty in which time she turned into an
161. 5:58evil villain because that's how the
162. 5:59family worked perfect child evil
163. 6:02teenager overnight and then well that
164. 6:05was hard on her and she wasn't prepared
165. 6:07because she thought the world was
166. 6:08Princess world and you know she couldn't
167. 6:11go through a butcher store without
168. 6:12having a fit and no wonder you know like
169. 6:15really Jesus you know it's it's no
170. 6:17wonder but you do it but she couldn't so
171. 6:20we used to go to Butcher stores and that
172. 6:22would make her cry and and um that she
173. 6:25was a vegetarian that would make her cry
174. 6:27and you know Beman the cruelty of world
175. 6:29and it's like yeah fair enough man those
176. 6:31are bloody slabs of meat it's like I
177. 6:33don't know why everyone isn't screaming
178. 6:35when they walk through the Butcher Store
179. 6:37but but you got to get used to it man CU
180. 6:40you can't live in the world otherwise
181. 6:42and so the dream character who was a
182. 6:44gypsy told her that she had to go visit
183. 6:46a slaughterhouse which seemed rather
184. 6:49impractical and so I asked her if she
185. 6:51could think of anything else to do and
186. 6:53she thought well why don't we go visit a
187. 6:55funeral home and and watch an EMB
188. 6:57bombing and I thought oh good that's
189. 6:59sounds that sounds like a fun way to
190. 7:01spend a day and so I phoned up a funeral
191. 7:07parlor and I said I had a client who was
192. 7:09terrified of death and I was a therapist
193. 7:12who was also little shaky on the concept
194. 7:15myself and so they they had no problem
195. 7:18with that they deal with death all the
196. 7:20time which is really something to think
197. 7:21about right a human being can actually
198. 7:23have an occupation where they do nothing
199. 7:26but deal with death and they don't go
200. 7:28Stark RVE mad it's like what the hell's
201. 7:31up with that it's like working in a
202. 7:32paliative care Ward where your your
203. 7:34clients that you you know have a
204. 7:36relationship all they're going to do is
205. 7:38die this week next week the week after
206. 7:41people do that it's like those people
207. 7:43are tough man they're tough so anyways
208. 7:47we went and watched this EMB bombing
209. 7:49which was I have a rather high level of
210. 7:52disgust sensitivity so it it was a
211. 7:55little on the rough side for me but she
212. 7:58sat there and the first while she was
213. 8:00not we were outside this little room she
214. 8:02was not looking at that man no way and
215. 8:05she'd kind of go like this and you know
216. 8:07that was pretty good and then she'd go
217. 8:09like this and then she'd go like this
218. 8:11and then then she watched it and then
219. 8:15she asked if she could go in and she put
220. 8:17on a glove and she touched the body and
221. 8:19she didn't have a fit she didn't have a
222. 8:21panic attack and so she walked away from
223. 8:24there learning that there was a hell of
224. 8:26a lot more to her than she thought there
225. 8:28was and that she could see things that
226. 8:29she didn't think she could see and live
227. 8:32and after that she sort of had a
228. 8:33touchstone it's like well I'm kind of
229. 8:35afraid of this well is it as bad is
230. 8:37going to see the ab bombing no it's not
231. 8:39that bad well I guess I can do it it's
232. 8:42like an initiation right she had an
233. 8:43initiation and so did I you know and I
234. 8:47learned a lot from doing that I learned
235. 8:49that one of the things you need to do if
236. 8:51you're going to be a human being is to
237. 8:52prepare yourself to be useful in the
238. 8:54face of death and so when you have a
239. 8:56parent that dies which you know shatters
240. 8:59people people's ideas often they can't
241. 9:01even think about it if you can't even
242. 9:03think about that man you've got some
243. 9:05thinking to do because you need to be
244. 9:08able to at least think about that
245. 9:10because otherwise you're just going to
246. 9:11be a wasteland when it happens and you
247. 9:14never know you could even have a higher
248. 9:15ambition maybe you could even be useful
249. 9:18when it happens instead of being part of
250. 9:20the Heap of destroyed people who also
251. 9:23have to be taken care of you know and
252. 9:25that's brutal you have to be brutal to
253. 9:28be useful in the aftermath of your
254. 9:30parents' death you know you don't get to
255. 9:32crumble and fall apart and know you have
256. 9:35every reason to so you got to be kind of
257. 9:38some tough monster to manage that but do
258. 9:41you want to be useful in the face of
259. 9:42tragedy or do you want to be pathetic
260. 9:46[Music]