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Delulu{Pt. 3} // Pastor Tyler Sterban — Transcript

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0:01[music]
0:03>> Hey guys, welcome to Different Church's
0:05online service. Whether you're watching
0:07on YouTube or listening on podcast,
0:09we're so thankful you're here. I'm
0:11Amanda and I'm excited to be tuning in
0:12with you. Before we hop into the
0:14message, I want to let you know of a few
0:15ways you can get connected. If you're
0:17interested in our church or how to give,
0:19you can go to dfrnt.church
0:22and follow the tabs. But if you're like
0:24me and do everything through socials,
0:26you can go to your favorite platform and
0:28follow us there to stay connected. Now,
0:29we're in our new series called The Lulu.
0:31Every year we like to do a series on how
0:34to better grow and lead our
0:35relationships. Sometimes we think we can
0:38accidentally get better and stronger,
0:39but we know it takes a relationship with
0:41God to heal all other relationships.
0:43Okay, I'm excited to hear the word.
0:45Let's hop into the message.
0:47>> [music]
1:06[music]
1:14[music]
1:22[music]
1:28[music]
1:33[music]
1:33>> Different Church, EVERYBODY IN HOUSE,
1:35HOW WE FEELING TODAY? ALL THE SECTIONS,
1:36ARE WE GOOD? ARE WE GOOD? ARE WE GOOD?
1:37ARE WE GOOD? ARE WE GOOD? OKAY. OKAY,
1:39LISTEN. ONLINE, wherever we're
1:42online, how are we feeling today in the
1:45chat room? WILL YOU JUST PUT SOME
1:46PRAYING hands emojis? And listen, you
1:48know what's so crazy?
1:49Online uh ministry, I need you to tap in
1:52for just a second. I need you to leave a
1:53comment, okay? I need you to leave a
1:55comment of like a a quote or a word
1:58because what we're finding out like 2
2:00years later people are watching sermons.
2:02And so you will incur Will you ascend
2:04Will Will you comment an encouraging
2:06word to somebody that will watch in the
2:09year 2037 of our Lord and Savior Jesus
2:11Christ, okay? Will you leave a comment
2:13real fast? BUT AS WE CONTINUE OUR SERIES
2:16CALLED DELULU. LISTEN. Get your notepad
2:20Hear me. Get your notepads out right
2:21now. Pens. Let me hear Hold on real
2:22quick. Where is Hold on. Where's my pen
2:24at? You ready for this?
2:26GET THEM OUT. GET THE NOTEPADS OUT. GET
2:28YOUR PENS OUT BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO
2:30COOK. WE'RE IN EPHESIANS chapter 5.
2:31Let's work.
2:33Can we work today? Can we grow today? I
2:35don't have much time. Last week we had I
2:37was so salty. Everyone was like, I think
2:40Ryan should preach more
2:42because
2:44I got out on time.
2:49Shut up.
2:54She was The Holy Spirit can move in 35
2:57minutes, Tyler. Can you imagine? Not 4
2:59hours and 35 MINUTES, HUH? SHUT UP.
3:03Can we work TODAY IN EPHESIANS CHAPTER
3:055? WE'RE GOING TO START in verse 21.
3:09We got to We got to edit out already. We
3:11got to move already. As we continue our
3:13series, hear me, Delulu. And there's
3:15nobody, listen, more delusional than
3:18married Christians.
3:21Love you.
3:23I'm sorry your old school church told
3:25you THAT WHEN YOU GOT married everything
3:27just worked out.
3:29Delulu.
3:31You know who else is delusional? Single
3:33Christians. That when I get married
3:36everything will work out. Dating and
3:38engaged Christians. You're delusional
3:41cuz you think, let me have the wedding,
3:43it'll work out. Delulu.
3:46Go ahead and put it in, I'm delusional.
3:48I'm Delulu.
3:50Let's work. And listen, I know single
3:53people immediately are going, "Well,
3:54this isn't for me. It's a married
3:56couple." This
3:58This better This is almost more for you
4:00than it is for married people.
4:03Let me Hear me. Let me learn ABOUT
4:06MARRIAGE BEFORE I GET INTO MARRIAGE.
4:10BEFORE YOU JUMPED into a pool, what did
4:12you learn? How to swim.
4:15BEFORE YOU GOT BEHIND THE WHEEL OF THE
4:17CAR, SOME OF Y'ALL, BEFORE YOU GOT
4:19BEHIND THE WHEEL OF THE CAR, YOU LEARNED
4:21HOW TO WHAT? DRIVE. BUT HOW COME YOU
4:25WANT TO LEARN ABOUT MARRIAGE AFTER YOU
4:27GET MARRIED?
4:29Many of us ARE PRAYING FOR A POSITION OF
4:32SPOUSE WITHOUT PREPARING TO BE A SPOUSE.
4:37AND THEN YOU'LL BECOME A SPOUSE, YOU'LL
4:39GET INTO THE POSITION of a spouse, and
4:42you'll feel UNPREPARED AND UNQUALIFIED
4:45WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE SPENT YOUR
4:46singleness studying how TO BE A SPOUSE.
4:51>> [snorts]
4:52>> BUT WE'LL THINK THE MOMENT I GET the
4:54position, GOD WILL JUST RAIN blessings
4:56on that position. If you have not
4:58prepared, it will not work.
5:03Doesn't matter.
5:05AND SO, SINGLE PEOPLE, WILL YOU TAP in
5:07today? Dating people, will you tap in
5:10today? Did you know you'll find
5:13If you read the Bible, you know if
5:15they're a man of God or not.
5:17They don't have to tell you they are,
5:19you'll know if they are.
5:21Did you know you'll know if they're a
5:23woman of God if you'll read the Bible?
5:25You don't have to have them tell you
5:27they're a woman of God. You'll be able
5:29to discern if they're a woman of God.
5:31But when you're not close to the Holy
5:33Spirit, you won't be able to discern
5:35their spirit. And then you'll get fooled
5:38and bamboozled by people who don't KNOW
5:41THE WORD, ALL because they said they
5:43went to church a couple times.
5:47You will not have to wonder if they're a
5:49man or woman of God. You know how you'll
5:50know? Because you've been so close to
5:52God, you'll know that they're close to
5:53him, too.
5:56It rubs off, right?
5:58Right? You know if somebody loves a
6:01sports team. Why? They wear the merch.
6:05You know if somebody likes an album.
6:07Why? They listen to the music.
6:10You know if somebody is a is a is a
6:13groupie for A BAND. WHY? THEY WEAR the
6:15merch.
6:17But then we're going to go, they might
6:18love Jesus.
6:20I heard them say praise God one time
6:23when they won the lottery.
6:26BUT THEY'VE NEVER ALLOWED JESUS TO RUB
6:28OFF ON THEM. THEY may not be as close to
6:30Jesus as you think they are.
6:34And listen, married people, how do I
6:35know my spouse has spent time with God?
6:39They will look like God to you.
6:41They will they will bear the fruit of
6:43Christ to you.
6:45You don't have to wonder, you'll know if
6:47you'll spend Hear me. If you'll spend
6:49time with God. So, can we move? Can we
6:51go to Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 21?
6:53And listen, I need
6:57>> [snorts]
6:57>> Can we read Hear me. Online, they're
6:59going to cancel me. I I think in-house
7:01is going to cancel me today.
7:02Can we read this not with our emotions
7:04online?
7:06Can we read this When When my car is not
7:09working, I do not cry at my car and hope
7:12my emotions fix my car.
7:14I find somebody who CAN LOOK AND
7:16DIAGNOSE MY CAR AND THEY FIX MY CAR. NO
7:19EMOTIONS ATTACHED.
7:22WHEN MY MARRIAGE IS JACKED UP, HOW COME
7:24I WANT TO CRY 24/7 VERSUS GETTING THE
7:27PLAYBOOK OUT THAT'S GOING TO HEAL MY
7:29MARRIAGE, REMOVE THE EMOTIONS, AND GO,
7:32"HOLY SPIRIT, WHAT DO WE DO?"
7:35My marriage ain't working. What are we
7:37doing? Hear me. Because marriage is not
7:39an emotional thing, it's a spiritual
7:41thing.
7:43But many of us get into relationships
7:45because of emotion drives us and not
7:47Holy Spirit driving us, and then the
7:50emotions will wear off.
7:53None of y'all because you we we've all
7:55dated and married the perfect people.
7:57The first person I ever dated, I'm
7:58married to right now.
7:59I've never slept around. I've never done
8:01anything.
8:04Let me Can I Can I be honest with you
8:06real fast before we keep moving? And
8:07some of y'all need to tap in real fast.
8:09I think the title of this message is, I
8:10wear the pants.
8:14Y'all should have seen the one I took
8:15away.
8:17Can I say it? We'll edit this out. Y'all
8:20Can I say it? I'm going to say it. Good
8:21girl.
8:25Good boy.
8:28Can I walk Hear me. Can I walk in
8:31submission to the Holy Spirit?
8:35Can I walk and follow Holy Spirit's
8:37leading in my relationship, in my
8:40marriage? Listen, in my dating?
8:44But we'll we'll put it today. I wear the
8:45pants. Listen, some of y'all are like,
8:47good girl.
8:49You need to go see a therapist. That's
8:50what you need to see.
8:51>> [laughter]
8:52>> Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 21, can we
8:55work today?
8:57Many times my marriage is struggling
9:00because we're Hear me. We're fighting
9:02for position within our marriage.
9:08When the word calls me to Listen, hand
9:11over my position
9:14so that they can BE HELPED AND EDIFIED.
9:18BUT WHERE THE enemy will jack us up is
9:21he'll HAVE LISTEN, HE'LL HAVE us
9:23fighting for position. I WEAR THE PANTS.
9:26NO, I WEAR THE PANTS. NO, I'M ON IT.
9:28LISTEN, I DON'T WEAR THE PANTS IN MY
9:30MARRIAGE. MY WIFE DOESN'T WEAR THE PANTS
9:32in our in our marriage. You know why? We
9:34wear THE ARMOR OF GOD IN OUR MARRIAGE.
9:38WEARING THE pants will not renew MY
9:40MIND, THE HELMET of salvation does.
9:44Wearing the pants WILL NOT HEAL MY
9:46HEART, THE BREASTPLATE OF righteousness
9:49does. But many of us, WE'RE SO BUSY, WHO
9:51WEARS THE PANTS? WHO WEARS THE PANTS?
9:53THEN NOBODY WEARS THE ARMOR OF GOD AND
9:55WE ALLOW SATAN TO DESTROY THE
9:57RELATIONSHIP WE prayed for.
10:01Listen, and throughout this you're going
10:03to hear some things culture really
10:04taught you was real.
10:07And they hear me, and they sound good,
10:09they're not spiritual.
10:12We heard it growing up, right? I wear
10:14the pants in this relationship. Man, you
10:15better hold it down, wear the pants. But
10:17you never wear the armor of God.
10:21And you're struggling.
10:23Wear the pants is nowhere in the
10:25scripture.
10:26You know that?
10:27Armor of God is in Ephesians, right
10:29here.
10:33There are so many PHRASES WE'VE GOTTEN
10:34COMFORTABLE WITH IN OUR MARRIAGES THAT
10:36culture has said, I know people that go,
10:39I'm the breadwinner IN THIS
10:40RELATIONSHIP. THAT MEANS YOUR
10:41RELATIONSHIP is losing.
10:44If one of y'all IS THE BREADWINNER, BUT
10:46YOU DON'T SPEND time with the bread OF
10:48LIFE, YOU ARE LOSING.
10:50I don't care what you provide, IF IT'S
10:52NOT PRAYER, YOU'RE LOSING. I don't care
10:54how much you make, IF IT'S NOT A
10:56DEVOTIONAL EVERY MORNING FOR YOUR
10:57FAMILY, YOUR family's losing.
11:01BUT WE'LL GO, WELL, I'M THE BREADWINNER,
11:02LOOK AT HOW GOOD I AM. BUT YOUR SPOUSE,
11:05YOU SAYING YOU'RE THE WINNER SAYS THAT
11:07THEY'RE THE LOSER.
11:10WHETHER I PROVIDE FOR MY WIFE, SHE
11:12PROVIDES FOR ME, WE HELP each other do
11:14one thing, what? Win. But you'll try to
11:17be THE BREADWINNER AND NOT SPEND TIME in
11:19the bread of life and lose your
11:20relationship.
11:23Why you think divorce rate's at about
11:2570% right now?
11:29And how come America is like 80%
11:31Christian right now.
11:34I mean
11:35Christian marriages are a little bit
11:37lower than like 65%. They're like 64%.
11:42BUT I THOUGHT GETTING MARRIED FIXED IT.
11:44YOU'RE FIGHTING.
11:47LISTEN, you're fighting each other.
11:50When the word says what
11:52Why do you not wear the pants?
11:54Because you submit.
11:56Ephesians chapter 5 verse 21, can we
11:58work today?
12:00And we're reading a lot. Get your uh
12:02Don't let the ADHD snatch that ADHD up
12:05in the name of Jesus. Say, I can read
12:07Listen, I can read about 15 verses.
12:10I watch 15 episodes, I can read 15
12:13verses.
12:15I listen to all three Drake albums, I
12:17can read 15 verses.
12:21Listen, I can You listen to the When
12:23Taylor released her old album and her
12:25new album but with the old songs just
12:27re-recorded, you can do 15 verses.
12:31ADHD in the name of Jesus, I will read
12:33this word. LET'S GO. VERSE 21.
12:37And further
12:39Y'all like this word right here? Ladies,
12:41let me hear you go, "Hi." Look at what
12:43it says. AND FURTHER, WHAT'S THAT WORD?
12:45SUBMIT.
12:48Good girl. Now, I'm just playing. AND
12:49FURTHER, SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER OUT OF
12:52REVERENCE FOR WHO?
12:54WHY DO YOU SUBMIT?
12:57CUZ HE'S A GOOD MAN?
12:59OR YOU SERVE A GOOD GOD?
13:03DON'T LET SOMEBODY DON'T LET SOMEBODY
13:05MISQUOTE WHY DO WE GO WORD FOR WORD? So
13:08somebody doesn't fool you verse by
13:10verse.
13:13WE DO WE NOT AT THIS CHURCH? WE GO WORD
13:15by word by word by word. So your UNCLE
13:18CAN'T PULL OUT A VERSE AND SAY HE KNOWS
13:21more than you and he understands this
13:22word. I know every word.
13:25I understand what every word means.
13:29Let's go. Verse 21. Let me stop. And
13:32further, submit to one another out of
13:34reverence for who? Christ. For wives,
13:37this means submit to your husbands as to
13:40the who?
13:42Lord. For a husband is the head of his
13:45wife as Christ is the head of the
13:46church. He is the savior of his body,
13:48THE CHURCH. AS THE CHURCH submits to
13:50Christ, so you wives should What's that
13:52word again? Submit to your husbands in
13:55everything. Verse 25. So many women are
13:58caught up on the word submit.
14:01Women will trip about the word submit.
14:03I'M TRIPPING ABOUT VERSE 25. IT TELLS ME
14:06TO DIE.
14:11NO, DON'T [screaming] NO, LADIES. I
14:13AIN'T SUBMITTING TO NO MAN. I'M NOT
14:14DYING FOR YOU THEN.
14:18ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS GO, "OKAY, I GOT
14:20YOU. UH WHAT DO I GOT TO DO?" BULLET
14:22HERE.
14:24YOU'RE NOT TRIPPING ABOUT SUBMISSION.
14:26I'M TRIPPING ABOUT SACRIFICING MY LIFE
14:28FOR PEOPLE THAT DON'T CARE ABOUT ME.
14:33I'LL GET MAD PREACHING THIS, BRO. Look
14:34at what this says.
14:37Because watch, you'll you'll read and
14:39hear one thing.
14:41You won't put it in full context, and
14:44you'll have a jacked-up understanding.
14:46Listen, of your position.
14:51For half my high school career, I played
14:53receiver. I wasn't quarterback. I was
14:56quarterback before. My position changed.
14:59My goal was not I was less than the
15:02quarterback. My goal was how do we both
15:06win?
15:08My position shifted.
15:11But what does submission say? I'm not
15:13fighting for position no more.
15:17Let me
15:18Look.
15:20For husbands, this mean This means love
15:23your wives just as Christ loved the
15:25church. He gave up his life for her. Let
15:28me submit. Listen. Hear me. I'll take
15:30the S word. Y'all take the death word.
15:32To make her holy and clean, washed by
15:35the cleansing of God's word. He did this
15:38to present her to himself as a glorious
15:41church without a spot or wrinkle or any
15:43blemish. Instead, she will be holy
15:46without fault. In the same way, husbands
15:49get
15:49me alone. Get back on the women. In the
15:52same way, husbands ought to love their
15:55wives as they love their OWN WHAT?
15:58BODIES. For a man who loves his wife
16:01actually shows love for who? Himself. No
16:05one hates his body but feeds and cares
16:07for it. Just as Christ cares for the
16:09church and we are members of his body.
16:12As the scripture say, a man leaves his
16:15father and mother and is joined to his
16:17wife and the two are united into what?
16:22One. When you get married, you are one
16:26person.
16:29What does everything in my flesh want to
16:31tell me? I'm my own man. I'm my own
16:33girl. I'm my own man. No, you're not.
16:36You had that when you were single?
16:39Oh, you've got an emotional on the
16:41government marriage. You don't have a
16:42spiritual biblical marriage.
16:46No, if you say you believe in Listen, I
16:48believe in God. I believe in his word. I
16:50trust that every word is good and
16:52edifying for me.
16:54That's why I said, we're not We're not
16:55reading this word with our minds, with
16:57our emotions,
16:58with our past, with our trauma, with our
17:01triggers.
17:02How am I reading this? Holy Spirit.
17:06Catch this.
17:08A man leaves his father and mother and
17:10is joined to his wife and the two are
17:12united into one. This is a great
17:14mystery, but it is an illustration of
17:17the way Christ and the church are one.
17:19So again, I say each man must love his
17:22wife as he loves himself. Listen, last
17:25time ladies AND THEN WE'RE DONE. AND THE
17:27WIFE MUST WHAT?
17:29Respect her husband. That's my mans.
17:36Can we go BACK TO VERSE 21 BECAUSE THIS
17:38IS A MOUTHFUL?
17:40And if my marriage isn't where it needs
17:42to be right now,
17:45IF I FEEL LIKE I'M SINGLE PEOPLE, DATING
17:47PEOPLE, ENGAGED PEOPLE, IF I'M WONDERING
17:49if
17:50this is what God's called it to be,
17:53does it show this fruit? Or listen,
17:56cuz I am not get rid get rid of the
17:58person the moment they do something
17:59wrong because God would get rid of you a
18:00long time ago, too.
18:02Okay? We don't get rid of people because
18:04they're falling short because then we'd
18:06have to get rid of you, too.
18:07Okay? We love you so much. We love them
18:09so much. We extend grace to them. But
18:12listen, your relationship, dating
18:13people, hear me. Engaged people, hear
18:15me. If y'all are not putting this in
18:17between you guys going this,
18:19I don't make the rules in my marriage.
18:21You know that?
18:22My wife does not make the rules in our
18:23marriage. You know what makes the rules
18:25in our marriage? This right here.
18:28So if I don't like something, she
18:29doesn't like something, but this word
18:31tells us to do it, suck it up.
18:34I love you so much because if I made the
18:36rules, I could bend the rules and abuse
18:38her.
18:41If she made the rules, she could bend
18:42the rules and abuse me. Abuse is not
18:45just black eyes and beating people up.
18:46Abuse is never allowing someone else to
18:48win.
18:51We're on the same court playing the same
18:53game, but I don't let you win because I
18:54keep changing the rules.
18:56SO WHAT DOES GOD SAY? NONE OF Y'ALL MAKE
18:58THE RULES.
19:00This makes the rules.
19:03For hear me, for your protection and so
19:06you don't get abused in it.
19:09Man, the Bible isn't for people in the
19:1121st. This protects me.
19:14This protects her.
19:16This protects my children from me.
19:20And the moment I'm not in line with
19:22this, MY WIFE GOES,
19:24"You need to chill out."
19:26Because someone else is the boss of
19:29this.
19:30The moment she wants to raise her voice
19:32and cuss, I GO, "WHOA, HEY." SHE DOESN'T
19:34I MEAN, I'm sorry.
19:36>> [laughter]
19:37>> Write it down out.
19:41The moment something happens, YOU I GO,
19:42"WHOA."
19:44WE'RE BREAKING RULES
19:47THAT NEITHER OF US ESTABLISHED.
19:50BUT IF YOU DON'T HAVE A rule book,
19:52you'll never know if you're winning in
19:53your marriage.
19:55Write it down. Take notes. In your
19:56dating relationship, in your singleness,
19:59are you ready to follow this rule book
20:00in your relationship?
20:02No? Then let's not get into a
20:04relationship right now, sis.
20:06Honey, let's work.
20:09Let's go. LET'S GO TO THE VERY
20:10BEGINNING. WHAT'S IT SAY IN VERSE 21?
20:12AND FURTHER, THIS IS WHAT PAUL'S TELLING
20:15US BEFORE VERSE 22. DON'T LET SOMEBODY
20:19ONLINE, DON'T LET YOUR UNCLE who only
20:21knows Ephesians 5:22 and doesn't know
20:24Ephesians 5:21 quote 22 to you.
20:29What's verse 21 say? And we submit to
20:35each other.
20:39You know what submit means? Listen, uh
20:42Where's Brandon, are you IN HOUSE REAL
20:44FAST? Are you serving kids? I can't see.
20:46He's not He's He's serving kids?
20:49Later today, he's serving kids right
20:51now, and he's got a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
20:53tournament like right after this. Pray
20:55for the kids.
20:57We ain't worried about that. No, I'm
20:58just playing.
21:03He will submit or submit somebody.
21:07Listen, and when you tap, what does that
21:09say? I'm done what?
21:12Fighting.
21:14When this says we submit to each other,
21:17WE DON'T FIGHT WITH EACH OTHER, WE FIGHT
21:20WHO? FOR EACH OTHER.
21:23WHEN THIS WORD SAYS, "HEY, IN YOUR
21:25MARRIAGE, Y'ALL submit to each other."
21:27THAT MEANS Y'ALL ARE NOT FIGHTING FOR
21:29position with each other.
21:32WE'RE NOT WE'RE NOT DOING THIS.
21:36BUT WHAT WE'LL DO, AND HOW DO I KNOW THE
21:37ENEMY wants to attack my marriage so
21:39bad? He always wants me fighting her and
21:41not sin.
21:44You You and your SPOUSE WANT TO FIGHT
21:46ABOUT SOMETHING? FIGHT ABOUT SIN.
21:48YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT
21:50SOMETHING? FIGHT ABOUT HOW OFTEN Y'ALL
21:51PRAY FOR EACH OTHER. Y'ALL WANT TO FIGHT
21:53ABOUT SOMETHING? FIGHT HOW MUCH THE
21:54BIBLE GETS OPENED IN YOUR HOUSE.
21:58But the enemy loves when we fight
22:00against EACH OTHER, NOT FOR EACH OTHER,
22:03BECAUSE THAT MAKES WHO the enemy? Not
22:05him.
22:06Her.
22:07Him.
22:08She's the enemy, not Satan.
22:11He's the enemy, not Satan.
22:14And that's when you get jacked up. Some
22:16of y'all are like, "But have you met my
22:17wife?"
22:18Have you met my husband?
22:20He might be Satan.
22:23Stop. You have an enemy, and he's not
22:26the person in your house.
22:29What does the word say? We don't fight
22:30against flesh and blood.
22:33So, why do I keep fighting my husband so
22:35much?
22:36Why do I keep fighting my wife so much?
22:39If I don't do battle against flesh and
22:40blood, what if there's a spiritual
22:42attack in your house right now?
22:46For your dating relationship, for your
22:48engagement, for your singleness, why are
22:50you trying to fight so much?
22:53Humble yourself. Submit to yourself.
22:56Yeah, I know too many people. How do I
22:57know How do I know the enemy's fighting
23:00your submission? Because you hate the
23:02word, don't you?
23:04I saw some right when I read verse 21,
23:0622, some ladies went, "Uh-uh.
23:08Tyler, I'm leaving. I'm leaving."
23:11You can leave, you're still out of line.
23:16I can be out of line if I'm not with the
23:18scriptures.
23:22Leave all you want, hate this word all
23:24you want, you will still find a lack of
23:26fulfillment in your life.
23:31We do a lot of things. We joke a lot. We
23:33do not tell lies here. We tell jokes, we
23:35don't tell lies.
23:36And I would be a bad dude if I didn't
23:38walk you through why I keep ending up in
23:40the place I'm at in my marriage, in my
23:42relationship.
23:44Because I have not submitted, listen,
23:47one to the word of God.
23:51It's going to be hard to have a godly
23:52relationship if you are not submitted to
23:54God.
23:56Hear me, and his word.
23:59The things you're praying about right
24:01now, you really You don't even got to
24:03pray about them. You know that?
24:05If it You can type in, "What does the
24:06Bible say about blank?" Prayer answered.
24:11I just spoke like I just gave you great
24:14revelation right there.
24:18He is putting his hands on me. What's
24:19that? What does the Bible say about
24:20There.
24:23Have some men of God come and lay hands
24:24on them.
24:31But you'll want to say we're a godly
24:32relationship but not know anything about
24:34God's word and wonder why it keeps
24:36getting out of line and out of
24:38alignment.
24:40God gave you where the what we are
24:42doing, how we're moving, what we are
24:44doing. And I know the first thing, "I
24:46don't SUBMIT TO NOBODY. I ain't
24:47submitting to no man." Let your boss say
24:50something.
24:52Yes, sir.
24:54You're paying me? Yes, sir.
24:57Let a doctor SAY, SIT ON THIS TABLE
24:59RIGHT NOW AND AND I'M GOING TO WORK on
25:00you. What do you do? You sit your butt
25:02on that table, you let him work.
25:04Let a police officer tell you to do
25:06something. You sit your butt down AND
25:08YOU WORK. LISTEN, WHY? THEIR POSITION
25:11welcomes your submission.
25:14And so when I understand SOMEBODY'S
25:16POSITION IN MY LIFE, I HAVE NO PROBLEM
25:20SUBMITTING TO THEM.
25:22BUT MANY OF US, WE DON'T VIEW OUR SPOUSE
25:25AS A VIABLE POSITION to us, therefore
25:29we'll never submit to them.
25:32Let your friend say something, you show
25:34up. Why? They have a position.
25:38All of us submit
25:40to somebody.
25:41Cuz what does it say in Revelation?
25:42Every knee will bow eventually.
25:45Submission, we do it daily.
25:48When Listen, when we value the position
25:51and your spouse has to have the most
25:54valuable position in your life.
25:58Therefore, what do I do? I submit.
26:00Listen, I stop fighting.
26:03I stop trying to gain position. Let's
26:05keep moving. Look at what it says in
26:06verse 21. And further,
26:08submit to one another
26:10out of reverence for who?
26:14CHRIST. WHY DO I DO IT? BECAUSE MY
26:17WIFE'S GOOD OR GOD'S GOOD?
26:20WHY DO YOU DO IT? Because your husband's
26:22good OR GOD'S GOOD?
26:25WHY DO YOU KEEP PRAYING FOR these kids?
26:27They don't CARE ABOUT YOU PRAYING FOR
26:28THEM. YOU DO IT BECAUSE THEY'RE GOOD
26:31OR BECAUSE WHO'S GOOD? GOD.
26:35I DON'T HONOR PEOPLE because they're
26:38worth honoring.
26:40I honor people because I'm honorable.
26:46I don't give grace because they're
26:48worthy of it. I give grace BECAUSE GOD
26:52GAVE IT TO ME.
26:56I SHOW PEOPLE love not because they're
26:58the most lovable PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.
27:02BUT BECAUSE I WAS LOVED FIRST.
27:07But when your relationship is built on
27:09emotion and not spirituality, you'll
27:12respond in emotion and not spirituality.
27:18Your vibe changes when your emotions
27:20change. I'll know about this
27:21relationship. We're good we're done with
27:23that now.
27:24You signed a That's why your marriage
27:26was a contract.
27:28It removed the emotions from it.
27:31You know that?
27:33It says, "Hey, here's what we're going
27:35to say your vows." Have you ever noticed
27:37how sucky vows are, but weddings are so
27:40cute?
27:43Ain't it crazy how we'll make weddings
27:44so cute, BUT THE VOWS, IF YOU READ THEM
27:47anywhere else, you'd say those are the
27:49most miserable thing YOU WILL BE WITH
27:50THEM WHEN THEY'RE healthy and when
27:53they're sick. You're down?
27:55You'll be with them when they got a lot
27:57OF MONEY AND THEY'RE POOR.
28:00You'll be with them when things are good
28:03AND WHEN THINGS ARE BAD. THAT'S VOWS ARE
28:06MISERABLE.
28:08BUT THEY'RE A CONTRACTUAL AGREEMENT that
28:11I am WITH THIS PERSON NO MATTER HOW my
28:14situation looks, cuz if we didn't say
28:17those things, if we didn't stand on
28:19scriptural values, I would leave when it
28:22gets hard. Why? Because my emotions want
28:25to leave.
28:28So today, listen, can we Here, new new
28:31title, not just I not I wear the pants,
28:33new title. You ready for this?
28:37I'm not going to do that title,
28:38actually.
28:40We'll keep I wear the pants.
28:42That one's me.
28:43I won't do it.
28:44What does it say right here in verse 21?
28:46And further submit to one another out of
28:49reverence for who?
28:50Christ. Verse 22. Can we move to women?
28:53Watch what this says. For wives, this
28:56means submit to your husbands as to the
28:59Lord. YOU KNOW WHAT I love about the
29:00Bible?
29:01It comes FOR EVERYBODY.
29:04YOUR ALGORITHM doesn't call you out,
29:07does it? It promotes you.
29:09Your friends don't call you out. It
29:12helps you.
29:13You know WHAT THE BIBLE DOES? IT CALLS
29:15YOU OUT WHEN YOUR algorithm won't.
29:18IT CALLS YOU OUT WHEN YOUR FRIENDS
29:19WON'T. IT CALLS YOU OUT WHEN YOUR family
29:22won't. The scriptures do not care.
29:25It is an equal opportunity employer.
29:29It humbles all of us in the presence of
29:33God. And what does it say in VERSE 22?
29:35FOR WIVES. SO, FOR JUST A MINUTE, for
29:38wives. Ladies, young women, LISTEN.
29:40YOUNG WOMEN PRAYING FOR A RELATIONSHIP.
29:45But not praying for submission.
29:48Be careful.
29:50Do not have high Hear me. Young ladies
29:52that are praying for this Do not have
29:54higher standards for earthly things than
29:57you do eternal things.
30:00I have a lot of standards with where
30:02someone takes me to dinner, WITH WHAT
30:03SOMEBODY BUYS FOR ME, AND WHAT KIND OF
30:05MUSIC THEY LIKE, WHAT STYLE THEY LIKE.
30:07BUT MY STANDARDS ARE SUPER LOW THE
30:10MOMENT PRAYER COMES UP.
30:12MY STANDARDS ARE SUPER LOW WHEN IT COMES
30:15TO DEVOTION TIME. MY STANDARDS ARE SUPER
30:17LOW WHEN IT COMES TO HOW THEY WORSHIP.
30:21WHEN YOU HAVE HIGHER STANDARDS for
30:23earthly things than eternal things, your
30:26relationship and your singleness AND
30:28YOUR MIND WILL GET ROBBED WHEN PEOPLE
30:31MEET THESE STANDARDS BUT NOT THESE, and
30:34the enemy gets inside and has a foothold
30:36into your relationship.
30:39Yours Raise your standards. New title.
30:40Raise your standards.
30:42Hear me.
30:43Single people, don't just raise your
30:44standards. Married Married people,
30:46listen real fast. In-house only. Raise
30:47your standards for your marriage.
30:52I know your marriage has always done
30:54that. Stop.
30:56Raise them. Right now. In the name of
30:57Jesus, raise your standards.
30:59We don't talk like that. We don't cut
31:01each other. We don't talk bad about each
31:03other. We don't fight each other. Raise
31:05your standards RIGHT NOW.
31:07STOP FIGHTING. AND WHAT DOES IT SAY?
31:10FIRST THING, WIVES, SUBMIT.
31:12Stop fighting.
31:15Cuz you know what you'll find out?
31:16You'll win the fight and lose the
31:18friend.
31:20You ever won the fight and lost the
31:21friend?
31:24YOU WERE YOU EVER RIGHT, BUT YOU LOST A
31:26RELATIONSHIP?
31:28That's when you found OUT I LOVED BEING
31:30RIGHT MORE THAN I LOVED THEM.
31:34I loved fighting for what I liked more
31:37than I loved them. And marriages die
31:40every single time. We love fighting for
31:43what we want, what we like, more than we
31:46love fighting for our spouse.
31:52Me and my wife, not too long ago, we
31:53were in the car and we were fighting
31:54about something. Literally.
31:56You ever been fighting and forgot what
31:57you were fighting about because now like
31:58you brought up, "Well, your mama did."
32:00Like
32:02We're literally in THE CAR ARGUING,
32:04BICKERING ABOUT SOMETHING. I said,
32:05"Whoa.
32:07What are we doing?
32:09I love you way more than I love this
32:12conversation."
32:13And we stopped it.
32:16It wasn't worth it.
32:18I was miserable. But Hear me. When you
32:20don't submit, when you don't walk in
32:22humility, when you don't walk in
32:23submission, you will keep trying to
32:25fight for being right and you'll lose
32:26the relationship.
32:29Be careful fighting. You can be right
32:32and not righteous.
32:34My My wife is more important than
32:36anything y'all say.
32:41I'm not going to fight about it.
32:42Why? I've submitted.
32:44I'm not wrestling with this. I'm tapping
32:46out on this.
32:49Be careful how many fights you win in
32:51your relationship. And listen, ask
32:53yourself this, man or woman of God, have
32:55you ever lost one?
33:01If you haven't, you probably haven't
33:02humbled yourself and you're probably in
33:04an abusive relationship where you are
33:05the abuser in your relationship.
33:09You never let them win.
33:11You never hear them out.
33:13You never listen to them. I love hearing
33:15my wife's voice more than I love hearing
33:17mine.
33:20What's it say right here? For wives,
33:22that means stop fighting with your
33:25husbands.
33:26Stop.
33:28Young ladies, stop. It's not worth it.
33:32It's miserable. You're miserable. In the
33:34moment it feels good. What? Fighting's a
33:35lot like a sneeze. In the moment it
33:37feels good, you're always left with a
33:39mess after.
33:43Come on now.
33:46Fight about sin.
33:49Fight about your mental health. Fight
33:51about your emotional health. Fight about
33:53what y'all are going to do tonight.
33:54FIGHT ABOUT THAT.
33:57FIGHT about
34:00Everyone's a little older. Fight about
34:02sexually FULFILLING EACH OTHER. FIGHT
34:03ABOUT THAT.
34:05Y'ALL WANT TO FIGHT ON DISHES.
34:08THAT'S HOW YOU LISTEN, THAT'S HOW you
34:10know the enemy's trying to snatch you
34:12up.
34:15Young ladies, young men that aren't
34:16married yet, are you are you ready to
34:18stop fighting? You're ready for
34:20marriage.
34:21You're not? You're not?
34:24You may not be ready for marriage yet.
34:26Look at what it says in verse 21. And
34:27further submit to one another out of
34:29reverence for Christ. For wives, this
34:32means submit to your husbands as to the
34:35Lord. Before you Hear me, young ladies.
34:38Before you submit to anyone else,
34:39because you will submit to other people,
34:41your boss, your friends, your this, your
34:44that. LET YOUR FAVORITE ARTIST SAY, "PUT
34:46your hands up." What are you doing at
34:47the club?
34:49Submitting.
34:51You are submit He's saying, "Good girl."
34:56I'M SO FOR REAL.
35:00BEFORE I SUBMIT TO ANYONE ELSE, I submit
35:02to who?
35:03My husband.
35:06You submit to your husband.
35:08You say, "Husband, what do you want?"
35:10How can I serve you?
35:11How can I Listen, how can I be of help
35:13to you?
35:15When was the last time, ladies, you
35:16said, "Am I helping you?"
35:18Or am I hindering you?
35:20Ask them.
35:22Ask them.
35:27Holy Spirit, use this next part of this
35:30message.
35:31Let it be you, Holy Spirit, and not
35:34anyone else, not anything else. And Holy
35:35Spirit, I pray
35:37that their spirits
35:39receive this word.
35:41Amen.
35:47Don't make your husband gain trust he
35:50didn't break.
35:55Don't make your husband heal your daddy
35:57wounds. He is not your daddy.
36:01And because you have daddy abandonment
36:04issues, because you never had a healthy
36:06father figure in your house, you
36:08struggle submitting to men, do you not?
36:11That is Your husband did not speak to
36:13you how your daddy spoke to you, yet now
36:15you can't look at your husband and
36:17respect him.
36:19He did not hurt you, your daddy did.
36:23You take your earthly father problems to
36:26your heavenly father.
36:28And you deal with those. You should have
36:30dealt with them when you were single,
36:31shouldn't you?
36:32And now you got a whole husband. You
36:34really can't trust him. You can't You
36:36walk on eggshells with him. Not because
36:38he broke any trust,
36:41but because you didn't have a daddy in
36:43your life.
36:45And now you're you're hoping your
36:46husband plays daddy and husband.
36:48He cannot fulfill that hole in you. He
36:50cannot heal those wounds on you. Only
36:52Holy Spirit can do that.
36:55Ladies,
36:56I pray you receive that.
36:59As I was praying for you online and in
37:01the house, as I was praying for you,
37:03your husband is not your daddy. He did
37:05not hurt you like your daddy did.
37:08Do not make him
37:11him suffer
37:13because he didn't do it well.
37:18Cuz he'll never be able to fulfill you.
37:19Let's move. For wives, this means submit
37:22to your husbands as to the Lord. For a
37:24husband is the head of his wife as
37:26Christ is the head of the church. He is
37:28the savior of his body, the church.
37:30Fellas, we're getting I'm getting to
37:31you. As the church submits to Christ, so
37:34you wives must submit to your husbands
37:36in everything. Watch this. FELLAS, DO
37:38NOT ASK A WOMAN TO FOLLOW YOU IF YOU
37:40DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
37:45Do not be blind TRYING TO LEAD A WOMAN.
37:49GO RUN YOURSELF INTO A WALL. DON'T bring
37:51her with you, too.
37:52Most women do not mind submitting to men
37:55as long as that MAN HAS A VISION FOR
37:57WHERE THEY'RE GOING.
38:00And we've got YOUNG MEN GOING, "AIN'T NO
38:02WOMAN OUT HERE BEING A TRADITIONAL
38:04WOMAN." BRO, GOD PROBABLY CALLED HER TO
38:06CHANGE THE WORLD. YOU JUST DON'T DON'T
38:08HAVE A VISION BIG ENOUGH FOR HER TO
38:09FOLLOW IT.
38:12THIS SAYS FOLLOW Women follow the man as
38:15the man leads. But then IT SAYS AS
38:18CHRIST leads the church. CHRIST HAD A
38:20VISION FOR THE CHURCH.
38:23SO, AS A MAN, I BETTER HAVE A VISION FOR
38:25THIS WOMAN.
38:27Hear me? And if they don't,
38:29don't follow them, ladies.
38:31Not yet, at least.
38:33Say, "Go get your eyes checked."
38:36>> [snorts]
38:36>> Tell them, "I'mma check you in. I'mma
38:38get you some LASIK, and we're going to
38:39get you some vision. Until then, though,
38:41I'm not following you. You're lost."
38:44You're lost.
38:46But, let's see right What does it say
38:47right here? Because there's a there's a
38:48passage, real fast. What does it say?
38:51Uh we're in verse 24. As the church
38:54submits to Christ, so you wives should
38:56should submit to your husbands. These
38:58two words, in everything.
39:02Not in context, this word this verse
39:06gets abusive.
39:09God will never CALL YOU TO FOLLOW
39:11SOMEBODY that will lead you into sin.
39:15He will never call you to lead you into
39:18sin. He would NEVER DO THAT. ALL
39:20THROUGHOUT THE SCRIPTURE, GOD HATES SIN.
39:23HE DESPISES SIN. AND HE HATES sin more
39:26than he loves y'all dating each other.
39:30He hates it so much.
39:33But, we'll go, "Well, you've got to
39:34follow me in everything." It's
39:35everything but sin.
39:38If you're asking me to do things like
39:40that, talk like that, drink things like
39:41this, smoke things like that, I don't
39:43know. I'm not doing that. Gossip like
39:44this, I'm not doing it.
39:46Look at that man. Look at that woman. If
39:49a man is causing you to sin, stop
39:51following them.
39:52If a woman is causing you to stand sin,
39:55STOP FOLLOWING THEM. BECAUSE THEY ARE
39:57NOT leading you closer to who? Jesus.
39:59How do I know this relationship WAS SENT
40:01BY JESUS? IT is leading me closer to
40:03him. NOW, I'M NOT SAYING THERE WON'T be
40:05struggles.
40:08STRUGGLES ARE DIFFERENT THAN PATTERNS.
40:13DO NOT CONFUSE. YOU'LL THINK, "WELL,
40:16THEY DO IT EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT." THAT'S
40:18NOT A STRUGGLE. THAT'S A WHAT?
40:21PATTERN.
40:23THIS IS A PATTERN OF SIN. THEREFORE,
40:25maybe their their sinful NATURE HASN'T
40:28FALLEN OFF YET.
40:32And their mind hasn't been renewed by
40:34Christ.
40:36Do not confuse struggling.
40:39When my wife and I WERE
40:41WELL, BOY, I'LL KEEP IT a buck with it
40:43out later. WHEN MY WIFE OR date my when
40:45my wife and I were dating when we were
40:47we were together before we were saved.
40:50Lord, heal us.
40:53And then we I became a pastor. She was a
40:56pastor's wife. We were Oh, no, we were
40:58dating. She was hanging out Oh, before
41:00we got married. WE STRUGGLED
41:04TWICE.
41:08OH, we can't be honest right now?
41:10Twice. And we dated for a while.
41:14It was WE SET UP NEW BOUNDARIES, NEW
41:18GUARDRAILS. THIS AIN'T A PATTERN FOR US.
41:21I'M NOT CHILLING AT YOUR CRIB LIKE THAT.
41:23THIS HEAR ME. IT WAS a struggle, not a
41:26what?
41:27Pattern.
41:29You have to notice the difference. Is
41:31there repentance
41:33I literally
41:35online send this to like 18 of your
41:38girlfriends and guys don't call their
41:40boyfriends and your homeboys. Your
41:42boyfriends. Send it to your boyfriend.
41:44Send it to your homeboys.
41:46Nobody can't No, and I'm I'm so for
41:48real. Nobody will walk you through
41:50things like Like, for some reason they
41:52make things so mystical.
41:54Like preachers want to make things so
41:55I'm I'm walking you straight through.
41:57How do I know it's not a struggle, but
42:00it's a pattern? There's no repentance
42:02after we say oops.
42:06How do I know Holy Spirit is residing in
42:09them? There's Hear me. There's a
42:11repentance after the oops.
42:15In your marriage. This ain't just for
42:16dating people, engaged people, single
42:18people. Listen, in your marriage, how do
42:20I know this is a spirit-filled Have you
42:22ever repented to your spouse?
42:27I'M SORRY.
42:29I LOVED MORE THAN I LOVED YOU. I'M
42:31SORRY.
42:35YOU HAVE You can't Hear me. You cannot
42:38marry patterns.
42:40You cannot You cannot be okay with
42:43patterns in your marriage.
42:46And listen, that doesn't mean get out of
42:47the marriage. That means set a new rule.
42:49Hear me. Set a new rule book for your
42:52marriage.
42:55Well, I'm stuck in it. Nobody
42:57I'm really thinking through later in the
42:59series like walk cuz I think the thing I
43:01get more than anything else the message
43:03our church gets more than anything else
43:04is when do I leave?
43:07It's so bad, when do I leave? I think
43:09that's a legitimate question. But my
43:11first my first and and and I want people
43:13to receive this in grace and I haven't
43:16Nobody had a gun to your head and forced
43:19you to marry them.
43:21Like I But receive that in love.
43:24Nobody forced you.
43:27We We live in the USA
43:30where everyone has the free will to
43:32marry whoever. I would imagine none of
43:35us were in arranged marriages.
43:38I would imagine.
43:41Okay, let's work.
43:43I chose this. Let's work.
43:46Let's grind. If I can do IKEA furniture,
43:48I can figure this thing out.
43:53Cuz that stuff I I have printed off
43:56papers twice because of IKEA furniture.
43:58And if I got through [laughter] that
44:01Let's MOVE IN EVERYTHING BUT SIN.
44:06DON'T FOLLOW INTO SIN NOW, BABY. Let's
44:08go. Verse 25. For husbands, this means
44:11loves your love your wives just as
44:13Christ loved the church. He gave up his
44:16life for her. Husbands, now guess what
44:19kind of submission we have? Death.
44:23Daily I lay my life on the line for my
44:26wife. But listen, that doesn't just mean
44:28I die FOR HER, BUT THAT MEANS I'D ALSO
44:31WHAT?
44:32LIVE FOR HER.
44:36YOU KNOW HOW MANY men say, "I'd take a
44:37bullet FOR MY WIFE." THEN IT SHOULDN'T
44:39BE HARD QUITTING PORN FOR YOUR WIFE.
44:43BOY, I'D JUMP IN FRONT OF A MOVING CAR
44:45FOR HER. THEN IT SHOULDN'T BE HARD TO
44:46LAY YOUR HAND IN PRAY FOR HER.
44:49BOY, I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR MY WIFE.
44:52BUT THE DEVOTIONAL AND WORSHIP MUSIC
44:54every single MORNING WHEN SHE WAKES UP?
44:57DON'T JUST WANT TO DIE FOR A WOMAN. I'M
44:59TALKING ABOUT LAY YOUR LIFE DOWN DAILY.
45:02WAKE UP EARLY AND PRAY for a woman. Live
45:05for a woman. Don't just die.
45:09Because what? Christ died for us, but he
45:11also did what? Lived sinless for us.
45:16And my husbands, when was the last time
45:18you woke up and said, "Today I'm
45:20choosing no sin."
45:23Not just because I love Jesus, but also
45:26because I love my wife.
45:28And when I sin against my body, we're
45:30one, I'm sinning against her.
45:33When was the last time, fellas?
45:35Young man that's about to get married,
45:37you ready to die to your flesh?
45:40You ready to die to sin?
45:43That's [snorts] what this is. Y'all
45:44think this is a marriage thing. Yeah, it
45:45kind of is. This is a dying to sin
45:47thing.
45:48This is a Jesus thing.
45:50Because what? Marriage is what? A Jesus
45:52thing.
45:54Your relationship is a Jesus thing. Are
45:57you ready to live for a woman?
45:59Not just take a bullet for her?
46:03Young woman that's dating somebody,
46:04that's engaged to somebody,
46:06would that person not just die for you?
46:08Would they live for you? Or Hear me. You
46:10know how you'll know? Are they living
46:11for you now?
46:16What's that private life look like?
46:19What's that anger look like?
46:21What's that jealousy look like?
46:25I don't just die and take bullets for my
46:28wife. I open the Bible for my wife, too.
46:33But we just
46:35I got to die to value something. No, you
46:37can live and value something.
46:40I don't want my daughters to just think
46:41I was good because I died. I want them
46:43to have great memories of me because I
46:45lived and I prayed for them every single
46:46night.
46:48Same for my wife.
46:49But many of us will submit to our
46:50children where they
46:53Hot. No, baby. No, stop. Stop. Stop.
46:56That's Ephesians chapter 6, not 5. We're
46:59not there.
47:01We're not there.
47:03For husbands, this mean love your wives
47:05just as Christ loved the church. He gave
47:07up her life for her to make her holy and
47:11clean, washed by the cleansing of God's
47:13word. He did this to present her to
47:16himself as a glorious church without
47:19spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.
47:22Instead, she will be holy and without
47:25fault. Look at this. In the same way,
47:28watch. And I'm about to teach And Chris,
47:30will you come play? You're on keys,
47:31right? I always forget. No, no, no. We
47:34have so many awesome keyboard players.
47:36So,
47:36yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
47:39Thank Chris. He's getting like, "Yeah,
47:40girl."
47:42Uh he did this to present her to himself
47:44as a glorious church without spot or
47:46wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead,
47:48she'll be holy without fault. Verse 20 I
47:51have so many marks in my Bible. Verse
47:5328, I think it is.
47:54In the same way, husbands ought love
47:58their wives how? How? How? How?
48:01How they love THEIR OWN BODIES.
48:07AIN'T IT CRAZY how men, real fast, we're
48:10fine if everyone else has fun but us?
48:12Like, man, let let everyone else have a
48:14good time but me. Love yourself.
48:17Because you are a work Hear me. You are
48:19a worse husband when you don't value
48:21you.
48:24Your wife wants to honor you. Be
48:25honored, bro.
48:27No, I'm so for real right now. Young
48:28man, you are valuable.
48:31I And we have so many men of God in this
48:33church that hold it down in prayer.
48:35Listen, say what you want to Everyone's
48:37like, oh man, we got We got some hitters
48:40at this church. Some men of God that
48:42pray. Some men of God that show up. Some
48:44men of God that believe in the word of
48:45God. I love it.
48:48You know your position is valuable as a
48:51man?
48:55You know that?
48:57I Hear me.
48:59Holy Spirit, I pray that they receive
49:01this as well. Amen.
49:05I know your daddy didn't know his value.
49:07That doesn't mean you shouldn't.
49:12Your daddy worked all day long. Your
49:14daddy cussed. Your daddy smoked on the
49:16sofa. Your daddy drank a fifth every
49:18single night.
49:19Value yourself more.
49:22Cuz you know what he would do? Oh, I'm
49:23just letting everyone do their thing.
49:24Winning.
49:25I'm just letting everyone This is their
49:27house. I just live in it. No. It is your
49:30Hear me. It is your house, man of God.
49:33Put the blood of Christ over the door
49:35panels.
49:42Can I cuss? I'm about
49:44Like hell you let some other dude walk
49:46into your house and make some rules in
49:47your house, would you?
49:50So, don't let nobody else's come over
49:53and do it.
49:56No aunties, cousins, nephews, none of
49:58that. Man of God, that is your house.
50:01Pray over it. Value it.
50:04Cover it.
50:05Cover yourself.
50:08Say, "Now, we don't cuss in this house."
50:11Well, who made that rule?
50:14Me?
50:15Actually, me and the Lord and our in my
50:18Say that. Me and the Lord actually made
50:19that rule in my prayer time.
50:22I did.
50:24Why? You're valuable.
50:25You don't just watch other valuable
50:27people move around around you. You're
50:29valuable.
50:30Love yourself. Value yourself. How do I
50:34know I'm loving my wife well? How do I
50:36know I can love my spouse well? Do they
50:37love themselves well?
50:42Can I tell you something real fast?
50:44Single people, dating people, engaged
50:46people, even married people.
50:49That's why at this church we're so big
50:50on purity. One, because God commands it.
50:54It's not just some hot topic we just
50:56talk about because we think it gets
50:58clicks cuz it doesn't. It always gets
51:00flagged and taken down.
51:03God commands purity of heart.
51:08Did you know purity is not just
51:10something you focus on when you're
51:11single? Do you focus on purity while
51:13you're single? Yes. Is it important to
51:16focus on purity while you're dating?
51:18Yes. Is it important to focus on purity
51:20while you're engaged? Yes. Did you know
51:22it's more important to focus on purity
51:24when you're married?
51:27Why? You have more to lose in your
51:30impurity.
51:33SO, IF MY MAN THAT I'M DATING RIGHT NOW
51:35DOESN'T VALUE PURITY, I KNOW IT HURTS
51:38NOW. LISTEN, it's going TO HURT WORSE
51:40WHEN THEY'RE IMPURE AND YOU'RE MARRIED.
51:43IF SHE can't keep her hands off of me,
51:45she can't value she can't talk She can't
51:48stop talking like that. SHE CAN'T STOP
51:50MAKING REMARKS TO OTHER PEOPLE. THEY
51:51LOOK SHE WON'T GET RID OF THE WORK BOSS
51:54OR THE WORK HUSBAND. LISTEN, THE PURITY
51:56WHILE YOU'RE DATING IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE
51:58WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, IT'S SO MUCH MORE
52:01IMPORTANT.
52:03You have more to lose.
52:06Love yourself.
52:08Put down the apps. Put down whatever it
52:10is that's on the phone. Put down the
52:12other people that aren't your spouse. If
52:14you're dating and y'all can't
52:18Holy [snorts] Spirit,
52:20do your thing.
52:22Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit.
52:25Okay?
52:28How do I know I'm being led by the Holy
52:29Spirit, young man or young woman
52:32that struggles with addictions on their
52:34phone or whatever?
52:37Can you control yourself?
52:44I know you should have dealt with it
52:45while you were single, shouldn't you?
52:47You should have. Now you're married and
52:49you lack self-control.
52:52You're struggling.
52:54Will you Will you get some young Will
52:57you get some older men, some younger
52:58men, some men around your age? Will you
53:00get them to hold you accountable, young
53:02man, to seek after purity?
53:06For the marriage you have or the
53:07marriage you're praying for, your purity
53:09is valuable.
53:11I know you been should have worked on
53:12it. Hey, [laughter] charge it to the
53:14game, baby. I know you should have
53:16worked on it a long time ago. Let's work
53:18on it today.
53:20Young ladies, do not marry a man that
53:22does not have men in his life.
53:26Because that is a boy doing what a boy
53:28wants to do.
53:30When I was
53:32Some of y'all are going to say Tyler
53:33grew up in a legalistic church.
53:36I grew up in a safe church.
53:38Receive this.
53:40When I wanted to go to marry my wife, I
53:43had to get pastors to approve of the
53:45marriage.
53:47We don't do that here.
53:50We don't.
53:52Come holler at your boy, but we don't.
53:55I said, "Hey, do you think Ryan is a
53:57good helper for me?
54:00Do you think spiritually we're in
54:01alignment?"
54:03Because they had been praying for us
54:04more than we had been praying for us.
54:06Can I be honest with you? We were just
54:08trying not to sin, not trying to reach
54:10people for heaven, right? Like we were
54:12doing it
54:14And if they would have said no, and my
54:15wife Ask my wife after church in the
54:17comments. Ask my wife. If they would
54:18have said no, I would not have married
54:20her.
54:22Because I was submitting to people that
54:24had prayed way longer for me, had spent
54:27more time in the spirit of God with me.
54:28Young men and young wo- Young women, if
54:31your guy is not submitted to some men in
54:33his life, be careful.
54:36That's a boy.
54:38Young man, I know it's uncom- I know
54:39it's uncomfortable. Can't be honest with
54:41you, if you didn't play sports growing
54:42up, submission's hard if you had some
54:44daddy issues. I played sports growing
54:46up, so I've been
54:47I've had coaches my whole life.
54:49Having a man of God speaking to my life
54:50has never been an issue for me, not
54:52because I had a great dad, but because I
54:54grew up in a culture that valued men
54:56speaking into my life. But if you did
54:58not, that will be a struggle for you.
55:01Get some men in your life
55:04that will speak life to you, that can
55:06correct you, that can guide you in the
55:09right direction in your life. Let's
55:11move, cuz we got to be done.
55:14I got to do my illustration.
55:16>> [laughter]
55:16>> In the same way husbands ought to love
55:18their wives as they love their own
55:19bodies. For a man who loves his wife
55:22actually shows love for himself.
55:27Uh Blaine, will you grab all that for me
55:29and we put it up here, like the drinks
55:30and everything?
55:32What does it say?
55:34When I love myself, I will be able to
55:38love others properly.
55:42You cannot love others. Watch this, and
55:46you cannot receive love properly if you
55:50still have some things that you haven't
55:53brought Yeah, yeah, let's go ahead. I'm
55:54going swimming. No, I'm just playing.
55:56No, I'm just playing. I'm just playing.
55:58Come on. Come on. Come on.
56:00We hold the We hold the cup Will you
56:01come over here and like get on the
56:02stage? Thanks, fam. Thanks, fam.
56:08>> [snorts]
56:09>> Let me get the drinks. I'll take the
56:10drinks.
56:10I told you I don't rehearse these
56:12things. I don't practice these things. I
56:13probably should. Will you just kneel
56:15down? And will you just hold the cup up?
56:19>> [snorts]
56:19>> Because when you have not No, you'll
56:21want to hold it like that. Yeah, yeah,
56:22yeah. You want to hold it like that.
56:23Yeah, let's go like that.
56:25Because when you have not been loved
56:27properly, you cannot hear me. You cannot
56:29handle love properly.
56:32And you'll think it's everyone else's
56:34problem why you can't find fulfillment
56:37in your life.
56:39You know that?
56:40What if their ability to love you isn't
56:42the problem? What if it's your ability
56:44to be loved [music]
56:45that is the problem? Why? You haven't
56:47experienced unconditional love. Okay,
56:49put it over there.
56:50In this container, this container has
56:53holes all in it.
56:54So, it doesn't matter how much water I
56:57fill up this container, what happens?
57:01The water doesn't stay in the container.
57:03I'LL POUR MORE. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW
57:05MUCH WATER AND YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT to
57:07do rather than water? I'M A SWITCH.
57:09MAYBE A DIFFERENT LIQUID will help it
57:11fill up. You think so?
57:13Let me try Let me see. LET ME TRY SOME
57:15DIET COKE REAL QUICK. MAYBE THAT'LL FILL
57:16THIS THING UP. Maybe that'll make
57:19Now, let me switch something else up
57:20real fast. Let me try Sprite real fast.
57:23I need this jar to be filled.
57:26I'm lacking FULFILLMENT IN MY LIFE. SO,
57:29PLEASE LET LET GET A NEW JOB. LET ME GET
57:31A NEW SPOUSE. LET ME GET A NEW CHURCH.
57:33LET ME GET A NEW PERSON. Let me get a
57:35new friend group.
57:38And you know what you'll do your whole
57:39life when you lack fulfillment and you
57:41don't know how to be loved properly?
57:43Every time you switch seasons to find
57:45more love, it'll pour out every single
57:48time. Not because they're not pouring in
57:50the words of affirmation, but because
57:52your insecurity can't hold those words.
57:56IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT JOB you switch
57:59to. Your your feeling and lack of vision
58:02in your life. It doesn't matter what job
58:04you get. It will run out, won't it? Why?
58:06Not because YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO be
58:08loved by somebody, but because you don't
58:10know how to hold the love they're giving
58:13to you. And listen, YOU CANNOT HOLD
58:15EVERYTHING GOD'S GOT FOR YOU UNTIL YOU
58:18ALLOW GOD to heal the thing that's
58:20holding what people are trying to pour
58:23into you. You don't need a new spouse.
58:25You don't need a new job. What if I just
58:27need to learn how to fix me? And fixing
58:30me will fix THE SITUATION THAT I'M IN
58:34right now.
58:36BUT YOU'LL REALLY WALK IN YOU KNOW HOW
58:37MANY PEOPLE GO, "I NEED a new church,
58:39man. I'm not being fed."
58:42You don't REMEMBER WHAT YOUR LAST CHURCH
58:43FED YOU.
58:47MAN, I JUST LISTEN, I NEED some new
58:49friends. These ones are toxic.
58:51And you get toxic WITH THEM EVERY FRIDAY
58:53NIGHT.
58:56TO FIX MY MARRIAGE, TO FIX MY MIND, I
59:00HAVE TO fix me.
59:04And what does the word say? Love
59:06yourself. Isn't that a Drake song, love
59:08yourself?
59:09>> Yeah.
59:10>> It is? Okay, cool.
59:12Will you guys make some noise for Blaine
59:13real fast while he Will you just figure
59:15this out?
59:16>> got it.
59:17>> Just figure it out. I don't know how,
59:18just figure it out. I didn't think about
59:21this part.
59:22>> either.
59:23>> Figure it out. In the name of Jesus.
59:25>> [laughter]
59:29>> For a man who loves his wife actually
59:32shows love. What if he just spilled it
59:34out? Okay, intrusive thoughts. Let's end
59:35this thing.
59:37>> [snorts]
59:37>> Actually shows love for himself. No one
59:39hates his own body but feeds and cares
59:41for it, just as Christ cares for the
59:43church, and we are members of his body.
59:45As the scripture say, a man leaves his
59:48father and mother and is joined to his
59:49wife. I don't I I've preached on this
59:52before. I'm just going to
59:54I I don't have much.
59:56I preached on it before.
59:58The easiest way to know your marriage is
1:00:00going to fail is you keep calling your
1:00:02parents to fix what your spouse is
1:00:04supposed to.
1:00:07Stop calling your mama
1:00:09when your wife you don't like her.
1:00:14You have left your mom.
1:00:16Stop calling your dad when your husband
1:00:19you get your husband to figure y'all sit
1:00:21down and you figure it out, but you'll
1:00:23call your parents, not calling your
1:00:25spouse, and you'll give your parents all
1:00:28the conversation you're supposed to give
1:00:30your spouse.
1:00:33Get them off speed dial. Is speed dial a
1:00:35thing? Get them off speed dial in the
1:00:36name of Jesus.
1:00:39I'm old, bro. As the scripture say, a
1:00:41man leaves his father and mother and is
1:00:42joined to his wife, and the two are
1:00:43united into one. This is a great
1:00:45mystery, but it is an illustration of
1:00:47the way Christ and the church are one.
1:00:49So, again I say, each man must love his
1:00:52wife as he loves what? Himself. And Oh,
1:00:56I want to close.
1:00:58And the woman, wife, must respect
1:01:03her husband.
1:01:06Don't nobody know how to tear you down
1:01:08more than a bitter woman.
1:01:11I was raised by them. Ask me how I know.
1:01:15A woman mad, a scorned woman will tear
1:01:18you down faster than anything else.
1:01:21That's why the BIBLE SAYS, "HEY WIFE,
1:01:23respect
1:01:25your husband."
1:01:29What does respect mean? I see value on
1:01:31him.
1:01:33Boy, a woman knows how to tear you down
1:01:35500 different ways and still serve you
1:01:38dinner at night, don't they?
1:01:41You ain't no good. This is what you did
1:01:4314 years ago. You ain't You ain't done
1:01:46You ain't
1:01:49That's why the word says, "Women, wives,
1:01:52respect your husband." When he can't see
1:01:54the value, when you can't see the value,
1:01:57you pull it out because you know there's
1:02:00something valuable in that man.
1:02:03Cuz you wouldn't have chosen, would you,
1:02:04if you didn't see it?
1:02:07I think that's
1:02:09How does the enemy attack a woman and
1:02:11her husband?
1:02:15A woman will believe in a man so much
1:02:19and it'll tear her down when that man
1:02:21doesn't believe in himself.
1:02:23And it will make her bitter because the
1:02:25man she knows that man can be, the man
1:02:29she believes in,
1:02:31that she knows he can be, when he's not
1:02:34rising to that, it makes her so mad and
1:02:36sometimes she has nothing She don't know
1:02:38what to do but TO LASH OUT, TO GET
1:02:40ANGRY, TO GET MAD. THAT'S WHY THE BIBLE
1:02:43SAYS, "WOMAN OF GOD,
1:02:45see the value on that man when he
1:02:48doesn't.
1:02:50See the value on that He may feel like A
1:02:53LITTLE BOY RIGHT NOW. YOU HOLD HIM AND
1:02:56you show him the value.
1:02:59Don't allow the enemy
1:03:01and your anger and the potential I
1:03:03thought I saw in that man and he's not
1:03:04rising to it. Do not let the enemy get
1:03:07in your mind.
1:03:09Keep respecting and valuing that man
1:03:12cuz the Holy Spirit might snatch him up
1:03:14tonight while he's sleeping.
1:03:17Believe for it.
1:03:18Can I pray for us in house? I know this
1:03:20is a tight message. I know this is a
1:03:22hard tight, but it's right. I know.
1:03:27This might be the most valuable message
1:03:29you hear in your marriage.
1:03:31Can I be honest with you?
1:03:33This might be the message you need in
1:03:35your marriage.
1:03:38I tried to make a few jokes along the
1:03:40way. I really did. I tried to help. I
1:03:42tried to make it a
1:03:44Sometimes I've just got to be honest.
1:03:46You got to respect them.
1:03:48You've got to lead yourself.
1:03:50You've got to chase Jesus over
1:03:51everything else.
1:03:54Can we pray? Men and women of God, can
1:03:56we pray in house? Can we pray online?
1:03:58Lord, we love you. We lift up these
1:04:00marriages to you. We lift up these minds
1:04:02to you, these hearts to you, these
1:04:03single people to you, these dating
1:04:05people, these engaged people as we
1:04:07struggle with as we are wrestling with
1:04:10struggles, as we're fighting against
1:04:11patterns. God, I pray that we would see
1:04:14you move like never before in our
1:04:15marriages, in our relationships, in our
1:04:18minds, and in our hearts. As we submit
1:04:20and stop fighting each other, but
1:04:22fighting against the enemy
1:04:24that's coming after our marriage.
1:04:28That we would not lose sight of the
1:04:29vision you gave us when we said I do.
1:04:33Lord, we love you. We praise you. We
1:04:36exalt you. It's your name we pray, and
1:04:38everybody said, "Amen. Amen. Amen."
1:04:41>> I can't act like everybody cuz I'm
1:04:43different.
1:04:45I can't walk like everybody cuz I'm
1:04:47different.
1:04:49I can't [music] please everybody
1:04:50[singing]
1:04:50cuz I'm different.
1:04:52I can't mess with everybody, so I'm
1:04:55sorry if I'm [music] inconsistent.
1:04:57>> to look like you. I just ain't got the
1:04:59time. I don't want to move like you. I
1:05:02[music] walk a different line. Yeah,
1:05:05they keep pulling me. Yeah, they keep
1:05:07pushing me. Yeah, they keep pulling me,
1:05:09[music]
1:05:10and that's why I can't like everybody
1:05:13cuz I'm different.
1:05:15I can't walk like [music] everybody cuz
1:05:17I'm different.
1:05:19I can't please everybody cuz I'm
1:05:21different.
1:05:22I can't mess with everybody [music]
1:05:24so I'm sorry if I'm inconsistent. I
1:05:26can't act like everybody cuz I'm
1:05:28different.
1:05:30I can't [music] walk like everybody cuz
1:05:32I'm different. I can't please everybody
1:05:35cuz I'm different.
1:05:37I can't mess with everybody [music] so
1:05:40I'm sorry if I'm inconsistent.
1:05:44>> [music]

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