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decision fatigue & why it's holding you back — Transcript

by Keelin Moncrieff · 6,749 words · 936 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00I've been locked out of my podcast
0:02account, like the one that you upload
0:03the episodes to. And I contacted my
0:05manager and he's trying to fix it for
0:07me, but I have no idea why I was locked
0:09out. So, I haven't been able to upload
0:10on actual podcast platforms like Apple
0:12Podcasts or Spotify or any of the ones
0:14that you listen through. So, I'm just
0:15uploading these on YouTube for now, and
0:17they will be up somehow on listening
0:20platforms. But I was talking about this
0:21with my sister. I've also been locked
0:23out of my banking app. I can't access my
0:25like I don't know how much money is in
0:26my account because I can't actually log
0:27in to see I can only just like transfer
0:29to Revolute certain certain amounts. So
0:31I'm going off by that you know I'm like
0:33trying to transfer a thousand trying to
0:35transfer 2,000 to see how much it will
0:37allow me to do anything but blaming
0:38myself. I've been like surely there's
0:40something going on with the planets at
0:41the moment that's affecting these
0:43things. Loving YouTube though YouTube
0:45we're back on track. Today's episode I
0:47wanted to talk about decision fatigue.
0:49I've been seeing loads of videos online,
0:51loads of substacks with the title I want
0:53to be everything. so I do nothing. Or
0:55the fig tree analysis, eating the fig
0:57tree, I want to be everything, but I'm
0:59lazy. It's like everybody is very
1:01ambitious, but at the same time, we
1:02can't find the motivation to do
1:03anything. And I do think this is sort of
1:05a collective feeling that we're all
1:07going through. Especially at this time
1:11of your lives, like the from the age 25
1:13upwards, you're kind of comparing
1:14yourself to your friends. Everyone
1:17starts to go in a lot of different
1:18directions. You're trying to figure out
1:20what you want to do for the rest of your
1:22life. I mean, it's sort of a a second
1:24puberty, if you will. Turning 28
1:27specifically, it's supposed to be like
1:28your Saturn return years from the ages
1:30of 27 onwards, and your life is
1:32supposedly supposed to flip upside down,
1:34but for the better, and it leads you
1:36onto a new path. I think for women, too,
1:39it's like the age 28. I don't know why
1:41that feels so
1:43monumental as an age. It seems like it
1:46feels like the same as a 21st or an
1:4818th. I feel like 28 does feel like a
1:51very significant number and a
1:52significant age in your life in terms of
1:55decision fatigue and decision paralysis
1:57that we do all on some level probably
1:59experience. I was trying to think of
2:02different analogies to simplify this
2:04that we're experiencing and I do love
2:07observing my daughter especially that
2:08she's four now and their personality
2:11starts starts to shine through and it's
2:12a really signifier of human development.
2:15Uh, so I love watching her and how she
2:17behaves. They're children are just s
2:19such interesting creatures because they
2:21don't have sort of like the outside
2:22noise from their environments, so to
2:25speak, yet it's sort of you can see the
2:27slight influences that it's starting to
2:29have the older that they get. And it's
2:32just really interesting how that like
2:33molds us into the adults that we are
2:35today because from the ages of 0 to 7, I
2:37think, are the most significant in a
2:38child's life in terms of uh determining
2:41how they'll turn out in their older
2:42years. watching my daughter in terms of
2:44like how she makes decisions because in
2:46a lot of parenting expert
2:49uh teachings they would say to allow
2:51your child to make their own decisions
2:53for specific things throughout the day.
2:56Not every single thing because that
2:57makes them feel quite unsafe and it can
2:59be overwhelming for a child to make
3:00their own decisions all day every day.
3:02But for specific things, you let them
3:03make their own decisions so they feel a
3:05slight sense of autonomy and then
3:07they're less likely to act out later on
3:09in the day if they feel like they have
3:10no control over their lives whatsoever.
3:13So, say for example, do you want to wear
3:14the green top or the pink top? And then
3:16the veget, you don't allow them to pick
3:18what's for dinner, but it's like, what
3:19vegetable would you like for your dinner
3:20tonight? Would you like carrots or
3:22broccoli? That sort of thing. What shoes
3:23would you like to wear today? It's not
3:24like, what activity do you want to do?
3:27Because there's so many options and
3:28choices for them there that can make
3:29them feel very overwhelmed and it's not
3:31actually going to have a positive impact
3:32on their behavior later on in the day.
3:34So you can kind of gauge what decisions
3:38are too heavy for a child and what makes
3:40them feel safe and what makes them feel
3:42like they have autonomy. And I do think
3:43that should be more reflected in our
3:44adulthood as well where there's certain
3:46choices that we feel very overwhelmed
3:50with making. And it's almost as if we
3:51want someone else to make the decision
3:52for us, but also we want that person to
3:54know us well enough to make the right
3:55decision that suits us because not every
3:58decision will suit everyone. And
3:59sometimes even the people that love you
4:01the most don't have your best interests
4:02at heart. they're still making that
4:04decision based off of their own beliefs,
4:06their own values, and it's not going to
4:08suit. So, say for example, you wouldn't
4:10let your parents choose for you what
4:12you're going to study in college. If you
4:13do, you're high you're the there's a
4:15high likelihood that you're going to end
4:16up doing something that you don't even
4:17like. Even if your parents love you and
4:19they know you the best, they are on some
4:21level going to pick something that suits
4:22them and impresses them. One example
4:25that I wanted to use was in terms of
4:27decision paralysis. And something I
4:29found I find exhausting is
4:32choosing what to make for dinner every
4:34night. And I was trying to think of if I
4:37asked my daughter at the age she is now,
4:38she's she's nearly four, she's four
4:40tomorrow, and [clears throat] if I gave
4:43her the responsibility of choosing what
4:44was for dinner every single night,
4:47how would she respond to that? And I do
4:50think she would find great novelty out
4:52of this in the beginning. She would
4:53think, "Oh, wow. This is fantastic. I
4:55can choose what's for dinner. I know
4:56exactly what I like and what I like to
4:58eat. Children will have their go-to. Say
5:00there's like their five favorite
5:02dinners. Pizza, chicken nuggets and
5:04chips, the classics, spaghetti
5:05bolognese, butter pasta, that sort of
5:07thing. And what they're basing that
5:09decision off is pure enjoyment. What
5:12they see as pleasurable, what they
5:13enjoy, what they like. It's not
5:15influenced by anything else. It's not
5:17influenced by the nutritional value of
5:18the meal because children don't
5:20necessarily understand that yet. They
5:21don't have a grasp on that. and it's not
5:24influenced by what everyone else is
5:26going to like at the dinner table.
5:27Whereas, if you're a parent, you have to
5:29take all those things into
5:30consideration, which adds on to the to
5:32the weight of that decision. What are
5:33you going to make for dinner? Everyone
5:35has to enjoy it. Everyone has to like
5:36it. You have to think of the nutritional
5:38value. You also have to think of the
5:39ease at which the dinner is going to be
5:42made, the amount of time it's going to
5:43take, the cost of the ingredients, if
5:45you have those ingredients available to
5:46you, if they're accessible in the local
5:48shops or around you, how many dishes
5:51it's going to make up. Do you have the
5:52right equipment in your kitchen to make
5:53that dinner in the first place? There's
5:55so many different elements that go into
5:57the weight of that decision and how you
5:59determine the decision of what you are
6:01going to make for dinner. And obviously
6:02like when we're thinking of that, I
6:04suppose we're not we don't understand
6:07why it's so exhausting to think of what
6:09to make for dinner, especially if you
6:11don't if you have if you're basing it
6:13off so many different added influences.
6:16But for a child, they're just going off
6:18of the food they like. That's how
6:19they're making that decision. And a lot
6:21of children in terms of their decisions
6:23every day, they're just going by what
6:25they like. And I think that as we grow
6:28older and older, that element becomes
6:31less and less important. It's more so,
6:34say for example, the kind of profession
6:35you want to go into, it's job security,
6:38financial security. Will other people be
6:41impressed? Will this benefit my uh
6:43community? It's less about what you
6:45enjoy and what you like because a lot of
6:47times they're not going to make you a
6:48lot of money. It might not be a safe
6:50job. It might be a freelance. It might
6:51be a wishy-washy thing where you'll get
6:53like work here and there. So, it's
6:55interesting how that changes over time
6:57as we get older. But even in terms of
7:00like jobs and professions, if you ask a
7:03child what they want to be when they
7:04grow up, there's only about three or
7:05four options that they know of,
7:07especially before they start school. So,
7:09they'll be learning about things in TV
7:11shows or movies. And majority of the
7:13time, or things that they've experienced
7:14themselves. So my daughter for example
7:16when she went to hospital she's obsessed
7:18with doctors now she wants to be a
7:19doctor. When she started going to school
7:21she wanted to be a teacher. Uh she
7:23doesn't understand the vast range of
7:26jobs that you can choose from. She
7:28doesn't even understand what I do for a
7:29living. She doesn't understand what her
7:30dad does for a living. She just knows
7:31that we are on a laptop. She knows that
7:33I talk to my phone the odd time. So it's
7:36interesting to see how children will
7:38decide on what they want to be when they
7:39grow up. Especially when you ask that
7:41question. you know, it's a dancer or a
7:43princess or a police woman, uh a
7:46postwoman, a doctor, so on and so forth,
7:48is anything that they understand uh or
7:52fully comprehend for their age. And this
7:55is what what impacts, I think, decision
7:57paralysis. It's not the fact that we
8:00don't know what we want to do. It's more
8:02so the fact that we don't know what
8:03we're basing our decisions off of. And
8:05also, having too much choice can
8:06actually be very overwhelming. It's
8:08nearly as if we have so many things
8:10accessible to us at our fingertips.
8:12Especially with the phones, we might be
8:13comparing our lives to the unnatural
8:17amount of lives that we are viewing
8:20online that we think we might be tricked
8:23into thinking that that's the life we
8:25want when actually if you were to swap
8:26lives with that person, you probably
8:28wouldn't be as happy. And I'm not saying
8:30that these elements that go into our
8:32decision-m that they're not important
8:34like financial security, job security,
8:36they absolutely are important and you
8:37kind of uh it opens your eyes up to
8:39importance especially if you have kids
8:40because you have are responsible for
8:42other people. Whereas you're more
8:43inclined to take a bit more risk if you
8:45don't have other people to worry about
8:46or think about. You can, you know, just
8:48go for things based off of more so your
8:50enjoyment rather than job security. even
8:53if like you're living at home. All of
8:54those things are going to impact your
8:56decision- making in terms of the type of
8:58job that you're going to go for and also
8:59the how you spend your free time. If
9:01you're going to invest your time into
9:02hobbies that don't make you any money or
9:05if you're going to be more inclined to
9:07try to go for a side hustle and things
9:08like that. So, there is a lot to say
9:10about what goes into making a decision.
9:13But if you're finding it hard for moving
9:16forward in your life, I've struggled
9:17with this all the time where it feels as
9:19if I have so many different avenues that
9:21I can go down that I end up doing
9:23absolutely nothing because I'm
9:25constantly just thinking about the
9:26decision rather than making any action
9:27in my life. I'm doing a lot of planning.
9:29I'm doing a lot of thinking. I'm doing a
9:30lot of talking about this the kind of
9:32thing that I want to go for, but I end
9:34up actually not doing anything. And then
9:35a year goes by, another year goes by,
9:37I've changed my mind. I've nearly talked
9:40myself out of going for anything because
9:42it's too much effort. What if I fail?
9:43What if I lose money from it? What will
9:45other people think if they see me fail?
9:47Will this impact my family? Is this
9:49embarrassing? Do I find this like an
9:53admirable thing to do? And obviously, as
9:56time goes on, all those things change.
9:58Like the more experiences you have, the
9:59more people you talk to, of course
10:01you're going to change your mind the
10:02longer you think about it or the longer
10:04you try to plan things. But the quicker
10:07obviously the the negative side to the
10:09more impulsive you are with making
10:10decisions is you can fail and like there
10:13there are going to be obstacles in your
10:14way that might then inhibit you from
10:16going any further. You might then miss
10:18out on the you might miss out on money,
10:20you might lose money, you might risk the
10:23security that you have in your career.
10:25So I'm not saying one or the other is
10:26bad, but there does need to be sort of a
10:28sweet spot where we are planning
10:30efficiently and taking into account all
10:32the risk factors, but also still going
10:35for it. And if you come into contact
10:38with any obstacles, are you going to
10:41continue? Do you want this enough to
10:42keep going? If you were faced with X, Y,
10:45and Z sort of failures that could
10:46potentially happen, are you going to
10:47continue and try again and try harder?
10:49Are you going to learn from those
10:50mistakes or are you just going to give
10:51up? I suppose those things are the most
10:53important when making a decision to take
10:55into account. But initially if you are
10:57finding it difficult what to do in your
10:59life.
11:00I find that stripping it back as much as
11:03possible really does help because I can
11:06be so heavily influenced by what other
11:09people will think is admirable of me to
11:12do. What other people think I'm
11:13impressive. I always try I'm always like
11:15imagining myself at family gettogethers
11:17or like family functions and them asking
11:19me about my life or like what I'm doing.
11:22Will I feel proud of myself when I'm
11:24explaining it or will I feel
11:26embarrassed? And a lot of the times when
11:28it comes to like things that I'm doing,
11:30I wouldn't necessarily feel proud of
11:32them when speaking to others, but I
11:35personally I am to my personal core
11:38values, my personal beliefs. I would be
11:40proud of myself, but I would feel less
11:42so if I'm talking to a specific person
11:45and that can heavily impact my
11:46decision-making and I want to try get
11:48rid of that because that's not as
11:50important as if you enjoy what you're
11:52doing and that can hold me back and make
11:54me not go for things. So the most
11:56important when it comes to decision-m I
11:58think would be to ask yourself do you
12:00like it number one and number two is
12:03which we nearly forget to ask ourselves
12:05can you do it realistically say for
12:08example you want to go back to college
12:10and study is it better to start that now
12:12when your kids are under the age of
12:13three and they need that you know they
12:15get sick very often they need a lot of
12:17attention or is this better to start
12:19when your kids are school age if they're
12:20attending primary school if you have a
12:22bit more hours during the day I think a
12:24lot of us can be misdirected in terms of
12:25our timelines in our lives. A lot of us
12:28think that we have to achieve absolutely
12:29everything before we're the age of 30,
12:32but actually what we're doing is we're
12:33making the decision we're actually just
12:34starting the journey in terms of what
12:36we're going to do for the rest of our
12:37lives. I know for my parents as well,
12:38they've had so many different careers
12:40over the course of their lives. But for
12:41some reason in terms of social media, it
12:44makes us think that everybody is a
12:46millionaire before the age of 25 when
12:47that's absolutely not the case.
12:49Everybody knows exactly what they're
12:50doing before the age of 30. That's
12:51absolutely not the case. Everybody's on
12:53their own. Not to be cheesy, everyone's
12:55on their own different journeys and
12:56timelines. As long as you're happy,
12:59that's absolutely perfect. And none of
13:01these things are restricted by time
13:03whatsoever. Especially with like going
13:04back to college, you think you have to
13:06be sort of college age to go back and
13:07study when actually I would love to go
13:09back to college, but I still don't feel
13:11mature enough to stick to one course. Do
13:14you know that kind of way? I would love
13:15to go back and study, but I have young
13:16kids. I know that I realistically
13:18wouldn't have the time. If I was say for
13:20example to fail an exam, would I
13:22continue and repeat? I know in my heart
13:24that if that were to happen to me now, I
13:26wouldn't have the energy to do it again.
13:28So I would like to wait until I'm a
13:30little bit older and feel a bit more
13:31mature to actually make the decision on
13:32what I'm want to study for three years
13:34of my life because it is a big
13:36commitment and I feel at 19 I was
13:38definitely too young to make that
13:40decision. And I did three different
13:41courses over three separate years. And I
13:43wish I just waited a little bit, but I
13:45was so determined that you had to sort
13:48of experience the college life to have a
13:51fulfilling youth when probably the most
13:54fun I had had was living with roommates.
13:56I think it was actually just that that I
13:58wanted to recreate in terms of like the
14:00college lifestyle. When I was living in
14:01Dublin, living at home and going to
14:02college, I wasn't necessarily having
14:04that sort of college experience. It was
14:06only when I moved out of home and was
14:07living with friends or living with
14:09random people that I actually felt that
14:10I was experiencing a fulfilling
14:12independent youth where I could explore
14:15different things and find out more about
14:16myself. So it's not necessarily the
14:20specific environment that you have to be
14:21in but you can recreate it yourself. Um
14:24and it could be a different thing that
14:25you're looking for rather than the
14:27education part of it to be honest about
14:29your limitations. So in my notes here I
14:32wrote down do you need money to achieve
14:34it? Say for example, if you want to
14:35start a business, you'd need in
14:36investments. Do you have access to those
14:38investments? Would you bootstrap it and
14:40get an extra job to try pay for it?
14:42Could you start events to make money
14:44from that? Could you ask for investments
14:46off anyone you know? Does this have
14:48potentiality for investment? How much
14:51money do you need for it like baseline
14:53to be able to start it? And is it a huge
14:55risk? If you lost that money tomorrow,
14:57would that absolutely ruin your life?
14:58Also, am I willing to do the work? I
15:01think what I've learned the most in my
15:03late 20s is not necessarily talent that
15:06gets you places. It's more so
15:08consistency, perseverance, motivation,
15:11ambition, and hard work. Like I was told
15:14that I remember when I started music
15:15college on one of the first days the
15:17tutors was the people who make it in the
15:19music industry is not majority of the
15:21time and it's going to be really
15:22annoying for people who are say for
15:23example like gifted or really good at
15:25whatever they do are very talented that
15:27the majority of the time it's not
15:28actually those people who are really
15:29talented or naturally gifted at
15:31something. It's whoever works the
15:33hardest or puts themselves out there the
15:35most. And then obviously to some degree
15:36there's like people who are able to get
15:38a leg up in terms of their connections
15:39or whatever but they said it's majority
15:41of the time it's the people who work
15:42hard who persevere who come into contact
15:45with obstacles and keep going anyway are
15:47able to face rejection and keep going
15:49ask yourself do I really want it that
15:51much if I were to fail at it would I try
15:54again would I keep going and also do I
15:56have the perseverance if I fail will I
15:58try again next then a limitation time do
16:00I have the time available to do this
16:03right now if not when Can I like I said
16:06earlier the example of when your kids
16:07start school for example you might have
16:09a bit more free time if you're doing
16:11like your FE1s and working at the same
16:13time but you want to start a business
16:14it's probably better to wait until you
16:16finish your F1s you know that for
16:17example and I think people wanted if
16:20they have the idea they want to do it
16:21straight away sometimes and then risk
16:24failing at it and feeling like you can't
16:25go back to it then because you've
16:26already tried at that and you've failed
16:28so what's the point next then is to ask
16:29yourself am I doing this out of
16:30enjoyment or curiosity or because it
16:32will impress people that one might not
16:34apply to everyone, but I know for myself
16:36that that does definitely impact my
16:38decision-m if my parents will be proud
16:40of me. If I bring this up a conversation
16:42with other adults, are they going to be
16:44impressed by it? I just I do think that
16:46sometimes I'm doing things so I have
16:48stuff to talk about about myself, even
16:50though I would be proud of myself anyway
16:52for just raising my kids, but I always
16:54feel as as if I have to do five things
16:56at once and have all the plates
16:57spinning. And when you have kids as
17:00young as mine, it can be really hard to
17:02have that all at once. To feel as if
17:05you're continuing on different projects
17:06and having a fulfilling life in terms of
17:08your own personhood rather than just
17:10your motherhood. But I do I just am
17:12insat. I have the insatable desire to be
17:14everything. I just do have that hunger.
17:16I want to do loads of things at once. As
17:17soon as I give birth as well, it's
17:19happened with my last daughter too. I do
17:20have this next level hunger productivity
17:23that I want to do everything at once. I
17:25think because your kids do kind of give
17:27you a kick up the earth. You want to
17:28have the best life possible for them.
17:30So, I would be just proud of myself for
17:32being a mother, but at the same time,
17:34you want to make the best life possible
17:35for them, too. But then I also have a
17:37heav a he I'm heavily influenced by what
17:39other people would think because I would
17:40be happy to sit down and talk about my
17:42kids all evening. But a lot of people
17:44don't find that interesting,
17:45unfortunately. [laughter]
17:47They don't find that interesting at all.
17:49and my mom's eyes literally glaze over
17:51if I'm like I'm doing those the
17:52worksheets now with be I'm doing the
17:54little worksheet she's defined motor
17:56skills you know like like I love doing
17:58all that um but I know it's not very
18:00interesting for everybody so and then
18:02lastly to ask yourself will this benefit
18:04the people around me so a lot of people
18:06obviously would make decisions based off
18:08of if it was going to impact your family
18:10are probably the most important but it's
18:11even an added layer an added beneficial
18:14layer if it does impact your community
18:15when I got my app idea that I'm creating
18:17at the moment That did really help me
18:20make the decision to go for it because I
18:22knew that people would use it tomorrow
18:24if it was to be created. I I would
18:26myself would use it. Yes, it would
18:27benefit me, but other people in my
18:28community, other mothers and stuff,
18:30other content creators, the two apps
18:31that I'm making, other people would use
18:33it and it would be beneficial for my
18:34community. It would impact me in terms
18:36of my career, yes, but it's also
18:38beneficial. A lot of times business
18:40ideas, I've had ideas where only I would
18:43use it. Do you know what I mean? very
18:45niche things that only I would use but I
18:47didn't take into consideration if other
18:48people would use it you know but I know
18:50after once you make these decisions then
18:53it can be very hard to follow through
18:54with them and I know our fear of failure
18:58is a primal instinct and that's holding
18:59us back in some sense and it does
19:01protect us as well because if we didn't
19:04have that we'd make the most stupid
19:06impulsive decisions that would probably
19:08make us end up dead but there's a lot of
19:11times where we don't need it anymore
19:12we're not getting chased by wild bears.
19:15We're not getting chased by wolves. You
19:17know, we're we're trying to just like
19:19pick what to make for dinner. You know,
19:20it's not that big of a deal, but
19:22sometimes your body can react in a way
19:23where it's very overwhelmed. The less
19:26noise, the less distraction, the easier
19:27it is it's going to be to make that
19:29decision. And I myself get very
19:31overwhelmed with the amount of lives
19:32that we have access to. The amount of
19:35YouTubers and different sorts of careers
19:37that I never even heard about and never
19:38knew about. It can kind of plant a seed
19:39in your head that, oh, maybe I would
19:41like that actually. you know, their life
19:43seems to be nice, but we have to
19:45remember that what we are watching
19:46online is always going to be the
19:48highlighted, the sugarcoated rose tinted
19:51glasses version. I have never watched a
19:53vlog, an 8 hour vlog of something
19:54sitting sitting at their laptop. It's
19:56always going to be before either before
19:57they start work, after they start work,
19:59what they spend their money on. Yes, it
20:01might be beneficial in terms of the
20:02financial gain of that career, but I'm
20:04not seeing the boring side of it. Would
20:06I actually like that realistically? And
20:08most of the time it's going to be a no.
20:09But there's loads of times where um when
20:12I was starting my app, it's it can be
20:13quite lonely because it's like just you
20:15sort of figuring it out by yourself. But
20:18I'd see other business owners, women
20:20business owners, where they're selling a
20:21product and they get to do fun stuff
20:22like the shoots and I think it's just
20:24the photo shoots that I find interesting
20:26or like a fun thing because you're kind
20:28of working on a project together with
20:29other people. You can uh shoot on
20:32location, you know, go go to cool stuff.
20:33But then once I think about it, I'm
20:35like, that's actually a lot of money and
20:36a lot of risk that you're doing for that
20:38single campaign that I probably wouldn't
20:39want to take, especially if you have
20:41kids. I don't really have the the means
20:43to be spending loads of money on
20:44shooting campaigns for a product that
20:46might potentially not even sell. It
20:48might look glamorous, but actually I
20:49would be extremely stressed out if I
20:51that was my career. You know, definitely
20:53just remember it is completely unnatural
20:55to have this much access to other
20:57people's lives and to try not to get
20:59influenced by all of the other types of
21:02lives that we could potentially be
21:03living cuz sometimes that can get us
21:06confused. It can get us all muddled up.
21:08And with the fig tree, I mean, if you
21:11have only 10 apples to choose from,
21:13potential apples, it makes the decision
21:15probably much easier by process of
21:18elimination. You could go through each
21:19one of those. But imagine having a fig
21:21tree with hundreds and hundreds of
21:23apples. How much time that would take
21:25you to make that decision. Your life
21:27would be finished. Your life would be
21:29over by that point. So I understand that
21:31there's a process of elimination and a
21:33thinking and planning process that has
21:35to come into consideration when making a
21:37decision. But the more decisions you
21:38have available, the harder it is it it's
21:41going to be to make to make it. So make
21:43sure that your fig tree can fit in your
21:45back garden. Guys, was that such a good
21:47analogy? Make sure that fig tree can fit
21:49in your back garden because if your
21:50patch of grass is not big enough, the
21:52roots are going to start taking up your
21:54house, aren't they? The foundations of
21:56your house are going to be rocky. Guys,
21:58I can't believe how good this analogy is
21:59getting. But the smaller the fig tree
22:01is, the more likely you're going to be
22:03be able to take a bite of those apples.
22:04You might even be able to eat all the
22:06apples on that apples. What am I talking
22:08about? You might be able to eat all the
22:09figs on that fig tree, the less there
22:10is. Whereas, if there's hundreds and
22:12hundreds, they're going to start
22:13dropping on the ground. They're going to
22:14start rotting. Think of those ideas. the
22:17the longer they you keep them up there,
22:19the more likely they are going to drop
22:20on the ground and start rotting. Now,
22:22it's good fertilizer for everyone else.
22:24That means the idea is going to someone
22:25else. But for you, that's a missed
22:27opportunity and a missed chance.
22:29Whereas, if you have 10, you can much
22:30easily digest, eat, make fig crumble.
22:35What do you do with figs? You can make
22:37fig rolls with th with those with those
22:39figs. You're giving yourself a much
22:41better opportunity to get through that
22:42over your lifetime. So put limitations
22:45on yourself. And I think children, they
22:48do feel safe. My daughter feels safe
22:50when she has rules. My daughter feels
22:51safe when she has limitations. We don't
22:53raise children to be totally free range
22:55and to make all their own decisions
22:57because that's crazy to give that
22:58responsibility to a child. But also give
23:01yourself a bit of grace because adults,
23:02it's crazy to give ourselves all these
23:04options and say you can do whatever you
23:06want because actually that's not really
23:08the truth. Can you do it and do you
23:10actually want to do it is probably the
23:12most important questions. But being
23:14being honest about the limitations is
23:16really going to be helpful in terms of
23:17making that decision. If you want to
23:19start a business, if you want to start a
23:20new hobby, if you want to learn an
23:21instrument, if you want to learn a new
23:22language, there are so many things that
23:24people have this ambition for and the
23:26hunger for in their life. But actually,
23:28you need to like just pick two and then
23:31stick with it, you know, and then go
23:32with it. Otherwise, if you're jumping in
23:34and out of each thing, you're never
23:35going to actually achieve anything. Be
23:36honest about your limitations, the time,
23:39if you want to actually do it. If you
23:40fail, will you continue to do it? I made
23:42myself a little brainstorm, a mind map
23:45if you will, guys, the lost art of mind
23:47maps. Bring them back. Remember in
23:50primary school, we were lo even in
23:52secondary school now. Loved mind maps. I
23:54don't even know what subject I was using
23:55them for, but mind map, mind map, mind
23:58map. So much easier. Simplifies what's
24:00going on in there. And what I did, I did
24:02one little cloud saying what I like
24:04doing. And then my second little cloud
24:06is called what's important to me. So
24:07that's more about your values. And for
24:10what I like doing, I have down talking,
24:12singing, parenting, video editing,
24:14learning, photography, painting. And
24:16then what's important to me, I have
24:17family, teaching, justice, the earth,
24:20and sharing. And then I saw if there was
24:22any overlaps. So there was overlaps of
24:24what I like doing talking and what's
24:26important to me teaching. So that's like
24:27two little things. I like learning and
24:29then sharing the information. Also the
24:30sharing part. Learning and sharing were
24:33also two overlapping things. And that's
24:34why I make videos because I like
24:36learning things. I like talking. I like
24:37teaching. I like sharing. So that's why
24:39I make YouTube videos. If you don't like
24:42doing any and I also like video editing.
24:43So if you don't like any of those
24:45things, maybe you're not born to be a
24:46YouTuber because I think that's one of
24:47the aspirational careers that people
24:49think about is also becoming a YouTuber.
24:51Do you like doing any of those things?
24:53Cuz it's it's 45 minutes of talking, but
24:55then it's hours of editing. Do you like
24:56editing? Personally, I love the editing
24:58part. I love the researching beforehand.
25:00I love making the notes and I love
25:02talking. So that's a it's a perfect
25:04combination for being a YouTuber. Next
25:06then obviously I love parenting and
25:07family. that overlaps. I have a little
25:09substack saved. It is called
25:12uh I want to do everything so I do
25:14nothing by Gemma SBG espeggies
25:21which I love and then I just found her
25:23Substack but she goes into more detail
25:25about the psychological impacts that the
25:26paradox of choice has on our decision-m.
25:29So the little example she has is it's
25:31the year 2000 and a researcher is
25:33setting up a jam stand at a local local
25:35supermarket. On day one, she has 24
25:38jams. On day two, she displays six jams.
25:40Based on what we think we know about
25:42human psychology, you'd think that when
25:44there are 24 jams, more people would buy
25:46something because their preferences
25:48would be reflected. The truth, when
25:50there were 24 jams, only 3% of people
25:52were able to make a decision and
25:53purchase something. But when there were
25:55six jams, 30% of people who came to the
25:57stand bought a jam. Why? Because when we
26:00have too many choices, it doesn't equal
26:02freedom. It equals overwhelm. The
26:04procons list is too large for our
26:06working mind to commute and process.
26:08There are too many factors. The risk of
26:09disappointment also increases with each
26:11potential jam. We're not really talking
26:13about jam here, right? We're talking
26:15about our lives and all the potential
26:16decisions or ideal selves or futures we
26:19want to inhabit. It's paralyzing and
26:22also makes us feel silly to be
26:24complaining about having so many
26:25options, so many goals that we can't
26:27choose one. But it stumps your brain and
26:29creates decision paralysis. The I do
26:31nothing part of this equation. I think
26:33that's really interesting and also a
26:35scientifically researched example of how
26:38having too many choices does inhibit us
26:39from making actually a decision in the
26:41first place. We end up overanalyzing,
26:44overthinking, overplanning the potential
26:47futures that we want to have for
26:48ourselves. But how are you actually
26:50going to know until you go for it?
26:51Because usually the imagined fantasy
26:55that you have in your head never really
26:57exactly computes to what is going to
27:00happen in reality. And that a lot of
27:02times can help us uh because our brains
27:05are kind of trained to have all the
27:07negative outcomes. What's going to
27:08happen if we fail? I know the potential
27:11disasters that can uh arise out of this
27:13decision that I make. But you can easily
27:16train your brain because of
27:17neuroplasticity. Your brain is plastic.
27:19You can easily train your brain to try
27:21think of the positive outcomes. What if
27:23everything works out in this decision?
27:24What if everything goes smoothly and
27:26right now? is obviously is beneficial to
27:28think of the potential obstacles that
27:30will come in your way so you can try to
27:31figure them out before they happen, but
27:32as long as it's if it's not inhibiting
27:34you from going forward with making that
27:36decision. I think you just have to stick
27:38to one thing and then actually just put
27:40your all into it. And also to allow
27:43yourself to confine a certain amount of
27:46time to this one particular project.
27:48Maybe if if I fail once, I'm going to
27:50keep going. But if I if I've tried for 5
27:53years and it's still not working, then
27:55I'm allowed to leave it and start
27:57something else. I think the putting a
28:00time limitation on it maybe is the most
28:02realistic and the most productive when
28:04it comes to making a decision. Knowing
28:06the fact that it takes time to achieve
28:08things. I mean, you're not going to be
28:09unreal at whatever it is. Like, if
28:11you're picking up a language, people
28:12know that that takes time. It's not
28:14going to happen overnight. It's going
28:15not going to happen over three months.
28:16That's like crazy to put that pressure
28:18on yourself. But to allow yourself to
28:20learn something for 5 years and will you
28:22be happy and proud of yourself in 5
28:26years to come. Imagine yourself in 5
28:28years. Will I be happy that I started
28:29this now? Or what will I feel like if I
28:32never started it to begin with? Like
28:34more of a failure if I never actually
28:35tried. And the tips that Gemma gives in
28:37this. So she says to with every season
28:39choose a major focus and then a minor
28:41focus. So, an example of a major focus
28:43is finishing your degree, launching a
28:45business, starting a podcast, writing a
28:46book, saving for a house, and then a
28:48minor focus would be starting a new
28:50hobby, make new friends, improving your
28:52style, training for a half marathon,
28:54explore new interests, that sort of
28:55thing. And then she also says to choose
28:57your first dream using the regret
28:59thermometer. How much will I regret this
29:01if I never if I never go for it? Say if
29:04you're reflecting on your life when
29:06you're 80, what dream would I regret not
29:08trying the most? And then identifying
29:10your real values. So, creativity,
29:12adventure, wealth, freedom, connection,
29:14comfort, stability, because obviously
29:15it's different per person. And I also
29:17recommend to not discuss with anybody.
29:20Maybe if you re maybe your partner,
29:23someone you're really close with, or you
29:24know that they're not going to plant
29:25seeds of doubt in your head, but only
29:28talk talk about it with people once
29:30you've made that decision and you're
29:31you've decided that you go for it. and
29:33knowing the fact that what they say
29:35isn't going to impact your decision
29:37because that can be very difficult, you
29:38know, especially parents who don't
29:40really know what they're talking about
29:41and they're like, "Is that the right
29:43thing to do?" Imagine all reactions to
29:44this. Do you still want it? Do you know
29:46what I mean? Hopefully that was helpful
29:48and hopefully now you can go for what
29:49you want. Love you.

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