Dealing with BPD as a trans woman #trans #bpd — Transcript

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1. 0:00I have BPD. BPD meaning borderline
2. 0:04personality disorder, not bipolar
3. 0:06disorder. You'd think it would be, like
4. 0:08BPD bipolar disorder,
5. 0:12but that's just BD, bipolar disorder.
6. 0:16I don't make the rules. But it's pretty
7. 0:18stigmatized, and so I thought I would
8. 0:20just share my experience with being
9. 0:22somebody who has it. So, one of the big
10. 0:24things is that with BPD, people have
11. 0:26very short and very intense and
12. 0:28dysfunctional relationships, whether it
13. 0:30be romantic or platonic, just any
14. 0:32relationship. And you know, that's the
15. 0:33part that I've really struggled with.
16. 0:35Most of, if not all of my romantic
17. 0:37relationships, barring my current one,
18. 0:39have been very short, dysfunctional, and
19. 0:41intense. My longest relationship,
20. 0:43barring my current one, was around 4
21. 0:46months, and it exploded in a pit of
22. 0:49fire, as did all of my other ones.
23. 0:51Because the people I pick for my
24. 0:53romantic partners were a favorite
25. 0:56person. Now, if you have BPD and you
26. 0:58understand what I just said, you
27. 0:59probably just had a reaction. Because in
28. 1:02having BPD, there is this concept of a
29. 1:04favorite person. In its simplest terms,
30. 1:06a favorite person is somebody that your
31. 1:09brain latches onto to derive almost all
32. 1:12of your emotional comfort and stability
33. 1:14from. Your brain will randomly pick a
34. 1:16person to be like, "Actually, everything
35. 1:19you ever need to be a functional human
36. 1:20being, you have to get from them, and uh
37. 1:23that's it." And then with that, since
38. 1:25you get everything from them, there's a
39. 1:26lot of paranoia with it as well, where
40. 1:28if there's even just like slight tone
41. 1:30shift, you think is going wrong. And
42. 1:32since you get all of your reassurance
43. 1:34from this one person, and then all of
44. 1:36that reassurance is going wrong,
45. 1:38everything kind of blows up, which is
46. 1:40then when people with BPD split. BPD
47. 1:43causes people to have a lot of black and
48. 1:45white thinking, and so this will apply
49. 1:48to the person, and then being the best
50. 1:50person ever in amazing awesome crazy
51. 1:52style, and then they will split, and
52. 1:55then they are the devil. And that's
53. 1:56where a lot of the very negative
54. 1:58opinions people have about BPD come from
55. 2:00is from people splitting on them. But
56. 2:02the favorite person thing is really hard
57. 2:03to explain because unless you've
58. 2:05experienced it, I you don't really
59. 2:06understand how good it feels. Like you
60. 2:10can be completely aware that it's
61. 2:11happening and know that it's going to
62. 2:13suck, but it feels so good, you kind of
63. 2:17just keep letting it happen. Like I'm I
64. 2:19don't think I'll ever be able to explain
65. 2:22using spoken words how good it feels
66. 2:25when a favorite person thing is going
67. 2:27well. And so then dating that person,
68. 2:30you see how could get a little
69. 2:32dicey. But it happens in friendships,
70. 2:34too, where randomly one of your friends
71. 2:36will become the only reason you have to
72. 2:38live. And well, you know, there's a big
73. 2:40pattern here of seeing how difficult
74. 2:42this is to manage. But yeah, it's
75. 2:44something that has affected me a lot
76. 2:46throughout my entire life and that I
77. 2:47currently am also trying to figure out
78. 2:50as an adult as well. And so, it's real,
79. 2:53it sucks, I have it, I can talk about it
80. 2:55more if you want, or I can just shut up
81. 2:57forever. I don't know.