DBT Skills Check the Facts — Transcript

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1. 0:00[Music]
2. 0:06okay
3. 0:07so something else that's really
4. 0:08important especially when we're talking
5. 0:10about our relationships is that we check
6. 0:12the facts checking the facts is a common
7. 0:17skill that our therapists will say like
8. 0:21you just can you just check the facts on
9. 0:22that situation
10. 0:23because oftentimes there is an event
11. 0:27there is that spark where our brains say
12. 0:30this is now the urge that's a good idea
13. 0:32or this is the thought that I'm now
14. 0:33gonna run with and that doesn't always
15. 0:36fit the facts of the situation so events
16. 0:41fuel our thoughts which fuel our
17. 0:43emotions events also fuel our emotions
18. 0:46which fuel our thoughts and so it's
19. 0:49really important for us to check the
20. 0:50facts of situations because when we are
21. 0:54set off by our thoughts and our emotions
22. 0:58that can lead us to believe that those
23. 1:01are facts and they might not necessarily
24. 1:03be for example since you guys are at
25. 1:08home there's going to be a lot of
26. 1:10communication going on or a lack of
27. 1:13communication going on so sometimes we
28. 1:16might interpret things that mom dad
29. 1:19brother sister self have said as like
30. 1:24that person is out to hurt me or they
31. 1:26meant they purposely made me feel bad so
32. 1:30those are our interpretations and our
33. 1:32thoughts about the situation which can
34. 1:35lead to increased unpleasant emotions
35. 1:39either about that relationship about
36. 1:41that person or about ourselves and so
37. 1:44when we allow our thoughts and
38. 1:46interpretations to be the facts of our
39. 1:49reality that can lead us to more intense
40. 1:53emotions more misery honestly and when
41. 1:59we allow our emotions to fuel our
42. 2:03thoughts the same can happen and so it's
43. 2:06really important for us to be able to
44. 2:08check the facts of a situation so that
45. 2:11our thoughts and our
46. 2:13emotions are not the driving truth in
47. 2:17our life because without the facts we
48. 2:21can't problem-solve and at the end of
49. 2:23the day that's what we really want to do
50. 2:25is to be able to problem-solve what's
51. 2:27going on here so in order to check the
52. 2:31facts what we first need to identify is
53. 2:34what is the emotion that I'm trying to
54. 2:38change okay so what we want to do when
55. 2:42we are checking the facts so that our
56. 2:44emotions and our interpretations don't
57. 2:48become the driving force of our reality
58. 2:51we really do get to stick to the facts
59. 2:53so that we can problem-solve situations
60. 2:55what we first want to do is identify
61. 2:58what is the emotion that I want to
62. 3:01change and so if you are sitting at home
63. 3:04and you are feeling sad you are feeling
64. 3:07shameful you were feeling guilty or
65. 3:09resentful or whatever it might be
66. 3:11identifying what is an emotion that I'm
67. 3:13trying to change and that I don't want
68. 3:16to sit with anymore
69. 3:18you don't want to ask yourself what is
70. 3:22the prompting event that led me to this
71. 3:25emotion and when we're thinking about
72. 3:28relationship mindfulness when you're
73. 3:31identifying what that prompting event is
74. 3:33really again sticking to that
75. 3:36non-judgmental stance observing and
76. 3:38describing what exactly happened that's
77. 3:41a fact Chuck often all in itself so
78. 3:45identifying what were the events that
79. 3:47prompted me to feel this way then once
80. 3:51you're able to identify that while
81. 3:55challenging those judgments challenging
82. 3:57those black and white thoughts that
83. 4:00might drive your emotions higher to a
84. 4:05point where you might not be able to
85. 4:06control them once you are able to check
86. 4:08those you then want to thank okay what
87. 4:11are my interpretations and thoughts
88. 4:13about this situation so this might be a
89. 4:17point where you do start to identify
90. 4:20what were some of my judgments here what
91. 4:24are my judgments what am i assuming
92. 4:26about the other person what does that
93. 4:27make me assume about myself really
94. 4:30starting to get into what is my brain
95. 4:33and what are my thoughts now telling me
96. 4:36is truth and might not necessarily be so
97. 4:40then you want to ask yourself once you
98. 4:43are able to sit with those
99. 4:45interpretations and really sit with is
100. 4:48is this true is this a fact you then
101. 4:55will be able to hopefully be able to
102. 4:57debunk some of those assumptions and
103. 4:59some of those myths that you are telling
104. 5:01yourself and I think also in this space
105. 5:04is where you want to start to look at
106. 5:06how much the other person have
107. 5:07experienced this or the other person you
108. 5:09know how my us as a whole family how
109. 5:12much each of those family members have
110. 5:13experienced this so this is where you
111. 5:15also want to look at the other sides
112. 5:17right all sides of the situation because
113. 5:19you may have experienced it in one way
114. 5:21and family member a may have experienced
115. 5:24it in a different way than family member
116. 5:26D B did and so you really want to look
117. 5:29at all sides of the situation and
118. 5:32validate that for many of us we have
119. 5:34been you know in emotion mind or letting
120. 5:37emotion mind be in the driver's seat for
121. 5:39a really really long time and so check
122. 5:41the facts is hard so we really want to
123. 5:43take this step by step
124. 5:45what's the emotion what happened before
125. 5:47you know what are my interpretations and
126. 5:49other people's experiences and we want
127. 5:52to make sure that we're slowly moving
128. 5:54through these steps as we start to learn
129. 5:56to check the facts so once you are able
130. 5:59to sit with those and really process
131. 6:03what's going on there it's also
132. 6:05important to recognize what is the
133. 6:08threat in this situation here because
134. 6:13oftentimes we do feel such intense
135. 6:16emotions and our brains do start to fuel
136. 6:20us with these assumptions and these
137. 6:22interpretations because there is a
138. 6:23threat there so what is the threat and
139. 6:28being really honest like the threat
140. 6:31might be if this is true like I don't
141. 6:34have control anymore and that can be a
142. 6:36really scary
143. 6:37place to be or if this is true like the
144. 6:41fuss that I am having might be true and
145. 6:43again like that can be a really scary
146. 6:44place to be so identify your thread and
147. 6:48then imagining yourself kind of handling
148. 6:53and coping with that threat or we
149. 6:57oftentimes say like go to the
150. 6:59catastrophe like if that is the threat
151. 7:02what is the worst possible case scenario
152. 7:04and can I recover from it
153. 7:08again it is really important to think
154. 7:11about that wise mind that just talked
155. 7:13about in wise mind can I handle this
156. 7:18will I be able to cope and recover from
157. 7:21this potential catastrophe in this
158. 7:23situation here and so oftentimes we will
159. 7:27have to problem-solve
160. 7:29we'll have to cope ahead there also will
161. 7:32likely be some radical acceptance which
162. 7:34will give you some of those skills too
163. 7:36and it is important to recognize more
164. 7:41often than not we will be able to
165. 7:44recover from these threats we will be
166. 7:46able to recover from this catastrophe
167. 7:47and so really just imagining how do I do
168. 7:50that and start to plan ahead for it and
169. 7:54the last question we do want to ask
170. 7:57ourselves is does my emotion and its
171. 8:00intensity fit the actual facts and this
172. 8:03is a really important part to highlight
173. 8:05because sometimes the emotion might fit
174. 8:08the facts right we might be in a
175. 8:10situation where it is really valid to
176. 8:12feel angry or sad or guilty and the
177. 8:16intensity might not fit the facts right
178. 8:19so if for example BRE did not return my
179. 8:23phone call for four days right
180. 8:26sadness could be a really really valid
181. 8:28emotion and you know being that were
182. 8:30co-workers and friends and we know each
183. 8:32other pretty well you know sadness at a
184. 8:34maybe a 10 or a 20 right something that
185. 8:37I can handle and really just say hey you
186. 8:39know BRE you didn't return my phone call
187. 8:41now if I was sad at a 100 would that fit
188. 8:45the facts right you know knowing all
189. 8:47that I know about our relationship
190. 8:49knowing all that I know about her and
191. 8:51how busy we are as therapists and in our
192. 8:54jobs you know would sadness oh no 150
193. 8:57fax probably done but what sadness may
194. 8:59be at a 10 or 25th effects yes and so we
195. 9:02do also want to remember that sometimes
196. 9:04our emotions are going to be valid and
197. 9:06because we experience emotions so
198. 9:08intensely sometimes that that intensity
199. 9:11might not fit the facts and sometimes
200. 9:14you know on the other side of it
201. 9:15sometimes you are going to experience an
202. 9:17emotion that doesn't fit the facts right
203. 9:19if Bree didn't call me back
204. 9:22for four days and I was angry at a 100 I
205. 9:26would say that that emotion probably
206. 9:27doesn't fit the facts knowing all that I
207. 9:29know about our relationship and how busy
208. 9:31we are
209. 9:32and so sometimes we will notice our
210. 9:34intensity doesn't fit the facts and
211. 9:35other times we will notice that our
212. 9:37emotion doesn't fit the facts as well
213. 9:38and sometimes we can help ourself figure
214. 9:41that out by asking does my behavior make
215. 9:44sense given this emotion or do my urges
216. 9:48make sense this intensity given this
217. 9:52current situation and that can be really
218. 9:54helpful to really start to figure
219. 9:57ourselves out and better understand the
220. 9:59people around us and so as we get
221. 10:01started
222. 10:02what's the emotion what happened how
223. 10:05intense am I feeling it and does all of
224. 10:07that for the facts
225. 10:10[Music]
226. 10:12you