Creating Quality Experiences- Day 24 — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:06Hello and welcome to day 24 of
2. 0:09Lifebook's 30-day challenge. Wow, this
3. 0:12challenge is going fast, isn't it?
4. 0:14Yesterday we started to explore the
5. 0:16quality of life category, and today
6. 0:18we're going to go a little deeper into
7. 0:19what most people who go through Lifebook
8. 0:21agree is the most fun category of them
9. 0:24all.
10. 0:25Because it's here that we explore the
11. 0:27things that we want in our lives, the
12. 0:29environments we want to be surrounded
13. 0:31by, and the experiences that we want to
14. 0:33create for ourselves. Like I said,
15. 0:36that's the fun stuff.
16. 0:38But you know, the quality of life
17. 0:39category isn't just fun and exciting,
18. 0:42it's also a bit unusual because it's
19. 0:44different from the other categories from
20. 0:46a structural perspective. At Lifebook,
21. 0:49we know that all 12 categories of your
22. 0:52life are deeply connected. They all
23. 0:54support each other and they're all
24. 0:56supported by each other. But the quality
25. 0:58of life category is a little different
26. 1:00in that it literally consists of the
27. 1:03other 11 categories put together. It's
28. 1:05the sum total of the other categories
29. 1:08and then some.
30. 1:10For instance, doesn't matter how nice
31. 1:12your house is. You could have an amazing
32. 1:14house, but if you're 100 lb overweight
33. 1:16and horribly out of shape and you can't
34. 1:18walk up your stairs without feeling like
35. 1:21you're going to have a heart attack,
36. 1:22your quality of life is severely
37. 1:24compromised and can you really enjoy
38. 1:27that beautiful house to the fullest
39. 1:29extent?
40. 1:31You can plan a beautiful experience for
41. 1:32yourself, like a trip to Paris, stay in
42. 1:35a great hotel, have great restaurant
43. 1:37reservations, a river cruise on the
44. 1:39Seine, but if you have a lousy love
45. 1:42relationship, if you really don't like
46. 1:44spending time with your spouse, you
47. 1:46know, you're not going to have a good
48. 1:47time. You're not going to have a good
49. 1:48quality experience.
50. 1:50You get the idea here. The quality of
51. 1:52life category is about things and
52. 1:54experiences but not exclusively.
53. 1:57A truly high quality of life, at least
54. 2:00as we measure it, begins with excellence
55. 2:03in the other 11 categories.
56. 2:05High levels of physical and intellectual
57. 2:08fitness. Quality emotions on a
58. 2:10consistent basis.
59. 2:12Great relationships with the people that
60. 2:14you care about. A fulfilling career that
61. 2:17creates financial abundance.
62. 2:20You know, the Lifebook process entails
63. 2:22striving to reach your potential in
64. 2:24every category of your life, striving
65. 2:26for excellence everywhere.
66. 2:28That's where it all starts.
67. 2:31So, once you've got your act together in
68. 2:33the other 11 categories, then we explore
69. 2:36the icing on the cake, the material
70. 2:38things that you want and the experiences
71. 2:40that you want to have in your life.
72. 2:42So, let's just talk about that for a
73. 2:43moment, starting with things, material
74. 2:46things. We're going to talk about stuff
75. 2:47right now.
76. 2:49So, it Here's how it's supposed to go,
77. 2:51something like this.
78. 2:52You work hard and you build a successful
79. 2:55fulfilling career. You make good money
80. 2:57cuz you create a lot of value for
81. 2:58people. So, you can have a nice house.
82. 3:00You can have a nice car. You can have a
83. 3:02nice, you know, wardrobe, maybe a boat,
84. 3:05a stamp collection, a wine collection,
85. 3:08whatever it is that makes you happy.
86. 3:11Now, that's kind of a simplistic
87. 3:12description of the way it's supposed to
88. 3:13work.
89. 3:15But, the thing is, the reason I'm
90. 3:16bringing it up because so many people,
91. 3:19so many teachings, so many philosophies
92. 3:22actually look down on this little cycle
93. 3:25of creating value for others and
94. 3:27enriching yourself and enjoying the
95. 3:29fruits of your labor through material
96. 3:31means. Some people just have guilt
97. 3:34surrounding having nice things for
98. 3:35themselves. Some people are jealous and
99. 3:38envious of people who have nice things.
100. 3:41Some spiritual doctrines and
101. 3:42philosophies teach that things can never
102. 3:45make you truly happy.
103. 3:47You know, materialism really takes a
104. 3:49beating in the spiritual world, right?
105. 3:50We've all experienced that.
106. 3:52The feeling is kind of, you know, if
107. 3:54you're a material person, you're kind of
108. 3:56shallow. You don't possess that deeper
109. 3:59understanding of universal truth.
110. 4:01Because true happiness and true
111. 4:03fulfillment can only come from the
112. 4:04inside. If you're an enlightened person,
113. 4:07true happiness doesn't necessarily mean
114. 4:09driving the newest Mercedes. Because
115. 4:12things can never make you truly happy.
116. 4:15Well, my personal opinion, which I would
117. 4:17never presume to push on others, but
118. 4:19which I will happily share with you
119. 4:21right now,
120. 4:22is that any first grader can figure out
121. 4:25with about 30 seconds of observing human
122. 4:29beings that things can definitely make
123. 4:32you happy.
124. 4:34Assuming that you've got a halfway
125. 4:35decent attitude as a human being, and
126. 4:37assuming the absence of severe
127. 4:39psychological or emotional problems, so
128. 4:41I'm kind of talking about the average
129. 4:43person here, things can absolutely make
130. 4:46you happy. If stuff didn't make people
131. 4:48happy, the entire human race wouldn't
132. 4:51spend so much time and energy purchasing
133. 4:53and producing stuff.
134. 4:55You know, my house, for instance, is a
135. 4:57thing, and it makes me happy every
136. 4:59single time I look at it, every single
137. 5:01time I walk around in it. It's given me
138. 5:02years of happiness. This thing produces
139. 5:06in me internal feelings of joy, which is
140. 5:08called happiness, right? And not just
141. 5:10happiness. My house generates feelings
142. 5:13of contentment and fulfillment for me.
143. 5:15I'm I'm consistently, consciously
144. 5:18grateful and appreciative every day of
145. 5:21my life that I get to live in this
146. 5:22amazing building. So,
147. 5:25that thing triggers all kinds of
148. 5:27positive emotions.
149. 5:29I have a nice car, makes me happy. Got a
150. 5:31beautiful art collection, super
151. 5:33fulfilling for me. I've got a wine
152. 5:35cellar, I go in and I fondle all my
153. 5:37bottles of Bordeaux, and I get all those
154. 5:39warm fuzzy feelings cuz I love my wine
155. 5:42collection. True story.
156. 5:45When Miss and I are out on a date
157. 5:46shopping and finds a hot dress that
158. 5:48looks amazing on her and I buy it for
159. 5:50her, it makes her happy. And I'm not
160. 5:53just talking about the love and
161. 5:54appreciation she feels for me in that
162. 5:56moment cuz I'm buying her the dress,
163. 5:58which is definitely present every time.
164. 6:00I'm talking about the actual dress in
165. 6:03the actual bag actually makes her happy.
166. 6:07And it damn sure makes me happy when I
167. 6:08see her in it.
168. 6:10So, people can philosophize all they
169. 6:12want.
170. 6:13Ice cream makes you happy and I'm going
171. 6:16to prove it to you right now.
172. 6:18Missy and I were in southern Thailand
173. 6:20with our kids when Justin was 4 years
174. 6:21old. We were visiting this temple called
175. 6:24Phang Nga, which is known as the monkey
176. 6:26temple. It's in this big limestone cave
177. 6:29with this huge reclining Buddha
178. 6:31illuminated by shafts of sunlight
179. 6:34pouring down from the entrance. It's
180. 6:35amazing. And that that cave and that
181. 6:38temple are famous because of the
182. 6:40hundreds of monkeys running around
183. 6:43everywhere.
184. 6:44Now, in most places in the world that
185. 6:47you walk through, tourist attractions
186. 6:49that have monkeys, they don't bother
187. 6:51you. But in a place like this, where
188. 6:53wild monkeys spend so much time around
189. 6:55humans, what they do is they steal
190. 6:57stuff. They steal your sunglasses if
191. 6:59they can get them, they'll come and
192. 7:00pluck off earrings if they're hanging
193. 7:02down. Anything that's not tied down, you
194. 7:04got to watch those monkeys.
195. 7:06So, we had just gone into this temple,
196. 7:09me and Miss and Jade and Justin, we just
197. 7:10experienced this amazing beautiful
198. 7:12temple with our kids and on the way out
199. 7:15got some ice cream from one of the
200. 7:16street vendors. And Justin's in heaven.
201. 7:19Why? Cuz he's four and he's got ice
202. 7:21cream and ice cream makes you happy.
203. 7:24So, we're walking back to the car, he's
204. 7:25eating his ice cream, when this monkey
205. 7:27comes tearing up from behind a big
206. 7:29banyan tree and snatches Justin's ice
207. 7:32cream. This little freaking monkey,
208. 7:35you know, takes his ice cream and hops
209. 7:36up on a concrete wall not 20 ft from us
210. 7:39and just holding this ice cream stares
211. 7:41at Justin and he just starts eating his
212. 7:43ice cream, who's now bawling in tears as
213. 7:46the monkey slowly eats his treat right
214. 7:48in front of like he was savoring it on
215. 7:50purpose.
216. 7:52And I'm not going to chase him because
217. 7:53if you get bit by by one of those things
218. 7:54you got to get rabies shots. And I, you
219. 7:56know, I might have thrown a rock, but
220. 7:58there were all these Buddhist monks
221. 7:59around and those are peaceful people, so
222. 8:01didn't do it. Anyway, here's the moral
223. 8:03to the story. Scientific evidence that
224. 8:05things can make you happy. Photo number
225. 8:08one, the kids got ice cream. He's super
226. 8:11happy.
227. 8:12Photo number two, the monkey stole the
228. 8:14kids ice cream. Now he's super unhappy.
229. 8:18Photo number three, we got the kid a new
230. 8:20ice cream. Now he's happy again.
231. 8:23So let me ask you a question. Does that
232. 8:26make Justin spiritually unevolved?
233. 8:29No, it makes him human.
234. 8:32Now you might say, well, you know what,
235. 8:33that's not true happiness. That's not
236. 8:35lasting happiness, it's temporary. It's
237. 8:37fleeting.
238. 8:39Well, come on, you know, everything in
239. 8:41life is fleeting. Life is fleeting
240. 8:43itself. Life comes and goes like a
241. 8:45flash. I say maybe we should grab every
242. 8:47moment of happiness and fulfillment we
243. 8:49possibly can in this life. And at least
244. 8:52some of those feelings are going to be
245. 8:54generated by material things. So, I love
246. 8:59nice stuff. And I don't have any problem
247. 9:01saying that. I got a bunch of nice stuff
248. 9:03and it makes me happy and I'm looking
249. 9:05forward to acquiring even more great
250. 9:07stuff in the future that will make me
251. 9:09even happier than I am now.
252. 9:12Now that being said, there's another
253. 9:13side of the coin here. There's another
254. 9:15side to that equation as there are to
255. 9:17most things. So, I will continue my
256. 9:20highly scientific exploration of the
257. 9:21subject by imparting yet another ice
258. 9:25cream story, which contains no monkeys
259. 9:27this time.
260. 9:28Missy and I were living in Bali with our
261. 9:29kids one winter. And my partner and art
262. 9:33director, who spent a couple months with
263. 9:34us, since Italian guy and that's like
264. 9:36being in a club or something, those
265. 9:38guys. And he finds this little gelato
266. 9:40place owned by an Italian family. So,
267. 9:42he's just bonding with this family, and
268. 9:46these people know how to make the the
269. 9:49real, true, creamy, rich Italian gelato.
270. 9:53So, JV places a special order, and 2
271. 9:57days later, he shows up at our villa
272. 10:00with literally a 5-gallon tub of peanut
273. 10:03butter gelato. 5 gallons. You know what
274. 10:06that looks like, right? It's like those
275. 10:07those giant buckets you get from Home
276. 10:09Depot.
277. 10:10It's hard to carry. It was like I'd
278. 10:13never seen a a bucket of ice cream that
279. 10:15big. So, he brings in this tub to our
280. 10:17villa. Best gelato ever in the history
281. 10:19of the world, especially if you have a
282. 10:21scoop of chocolate with it. You know,
283. 10:23that chocolate peanut peanut butter
284. 10:24combo.
285. 10:26So, we start eating this 5-gallon tub of
286. 10:28gelato, and it takes weeks for our whole
287. 10:30family to twice a day, after lunch and
288. 10:33after dinner, and sometimes after
289. 10:34breakfast. Massive amounts of happiness
290. 10:38and massive amounts of fulfillment were
291. 10:40generated by that 5-gallon tub of peanut
292. 10:43butter gelato.
293. 10:44But, guess what?
294. 10:47It was just too much of a good thing.
295. 10:49Like everybody Like I gained 10 lb in
296. 10:51like less than a month. And so, now I'm
297. 10:54not happy with myself anymore because
298. 10:56I'm disgusted cuz I ate too much gelato.
299. 10:58So, I've got to swear off gelato for a
300. 11:00while.
301. 11:01That is a metaphor.
302. 11:04Too much stuff can encumber you. It can
303. 11:07tie you down. It can take your life in
304. 11:09the wrong direction. That's the other
305. 11:11side of this whole material things
306. 11:13thing. If you go overboard, your things
307. 11:16can end up controlling you instead of
308. 11:18you enjoying them.
309. 11:20You can become encumbered by your
310. 11:22possessions, no matter how nice they
311. 11:24are. You can become a slave to your
312. 11:27things.
313. 11:28And since things can be so great and add
314. 11:30so much to your life. Figuring out that
315. 11:33exact right place, it's a balancing act.
316. 11:36It takes a lot of consciousness and a
317. 11:38lot of vigilance because the formula is
318. 11:40different for everyone. And you've got
319. 11:42to figure out what the recipe is that's
320. 11:45just right for you.
321. 11:48So, things can be tricky.
322. 11:50But, when it comes to the quality of
323. 11:51life category, there's something you can
324. 11:53almost always count on to be nothing but
325. 11:56positive. And that is experiences.
326. 12:00Creating quality experiences for
327. 12:02yourself and the people you love is one
328. 12:05of the best things in life. Experiences
329. 12:07last a lifetime, and they can really
330. 12:10make life worth living.
331. 12:11Missy and I over the years have just put
332. 12:13so much time and attention and effort
333. 12:16and resources and planning into creating
334. 12:19great experiences for ourselves and our
335. 12:21family. And I'll tell you, we've had a
336. 12:23lifetime of adventures.
337. 12:26I remember once when we were with Jade
338. 12:27and Justin, when they were little kids,
339. 12:29they're not so little anymore, and we
340. 12:31planned this crazy adventure on a
341. 12:33longtail boat winding through the
342. 12:36jungles of Laos on the Mekong River all
343. 12:38the way from the Thai border all the way
344. 12:40up through Laos to the ancient city of
345. 12:42Luang Prabang.
346. 12:44We stayed at the border of Laos and
347. 12:45Burma, then we lugged our bags across
348. 12:48the 100 yd of dirt to the banks of the
349. 12:50Mekong, and we got on this old longtail
350. 12:52boat with literally a lawnmower engine
351. 12:55and a guide who didn't speak English.
352. 12:57So, we were in it, baby. We were we were
353. 12:59in the thick of things, and it was
354. 13:01amazing. It was like we went back in
355. 13:03time into Indochina in the late 1800s.
356. 13:06Totally unforgettable experience.
357. 13:10At one point on that trip, we stopped at
358. 13:13a tiny village in the jungle. I don't
359. 13:15even remember the name of the village. I
360. 13:16don't even know if if I ever knew the
361. 13:18name of the village. It's not in any map
362. 13:20or in any guidebook. Maybe 20 huts in
363. 13:22the jungle with about 100 people. The
364. 13:25first thing we saw when we got off of
365. 13:27this boat was this lady and her son
366. 13:29beating the living crap out of this pig
367. 13:31with a board trying to get him to go
368. 13:33into his pen. It was shrieking and
369. 13:34yelling and until they saw these four
370. 13:37white people walking into town and then
371. 13:39they just kind of like stopped and
372. 13:41stared. There was a little monastery
373. 13:43temple in that village. There were like
374. 13:4525 kids running around, most of whom
375. 13:48were like way up in the trees.
376. 13:50There were these little school desks
377. 13:52under a house and a general store that
378. 13:54was roughly the size of an American
379. 13:56closet and we just walked around that
380. 13:59village checking things out while
381. 14:01everybody's staring at us like what's
382. 14:03going on. You know, we were the tourist
383. 14:05attraction. We weren't at a tourist
384. 14:07attraction cuz they don't see Westerners
385. 14:09too often if ever. It was an amazing
386. 14:13experience. That night we stopped just
387. 14:16before sunset at a little peanut farm
388. 14:18that had been turned into a tiny little
389. 14:20lodge halfway between the Laotian border
390. 14:23and Luang Prabang. It's probably the
391. 14:25most remote location we have ever been
392. 14:27to and we've been to some remote
393. 14:29locations. You can only get to this
394. 14:31place by taking a boat up the river into
395. 14:33the jungle. There were two other
396. 14:35families spending the night there that
397. 14:37night. One was from France and one was
398. 14:39from Russia and our little kids played
399. 14:41with their kids all night even though
400. 14:44they spoke different languages.
401. 14:46A huge crop of peanuts were planted on
402. 14:48the sandy shores of the Mekong glowing
403. 14:51bright as the sun set. The air was
404. 14:54totally crisp and clean. There wasn't a
405. 14:56car within 50 miles of us. We were
406. 14:58utterly secluded and it was one of the
407. 15:00most beautiful places we've ever been.
408. 15:03We had a lovely little local dinner by
409. 15:05the fire with those families with a
410. 15:07bottle of French wine and it was just an
411. 15:10amazing experience.
412. 15:12The next morning I got up before
413. 15:14everybody else like I usually do and I
414. 15:16was warming myself up by the coal
415. 15:18burning stove enjoying my coffee and I
416. 15:20remember thinking why do I feel so
417. 15:23different right now in this place? What
418. 15:26is it about this
419. 15:27totally unusual experience, this
420. 15:29one-of-a-kind circumstance,
421. 15:32that just feels like it's feeding my
422. 15:34soul right now?"
423. 15:37See, most people are just sleepwalking
424. 15:40through their existence, like the movie
425. 15:42Groundhog Day, waking up, doing the same
426. 15:45thing every day over and over, just
427. 15:48going through the motions of their lives
428. 15:50over and over and over. And experiences
429. 15:52like this, like what we were having in
430. 15:54the jungles of Laos, just they yank you
431. 15:57out of your everyday pattern, they wake
432. 15:58you up. Because you're experiencing life
433. 16:01from a completely new and unique
434. 16:03perspective, and human beings need that.
435. 16:06They need to feel that elevated, exalted
436. 16:09experience that breaks the trance of our
437. 16:12everyday lives and gives us the sense of
438. 16:14awe and wonder and reminds us of what a
439. 16:18miracle our lives really are. Our souls
440. 16:21need that experience.
441. 16:24And here's something really interesting
442. 16:26when it comes to consciously creating
443. 16:28great experiences for yourself.
444. 16:31I have yet to find the other side of
445. 16:34that coin, the downside.
446. 16:36Almost always when I present a big
447. 16:38concept, I explore both sides of the
448. 16:41coin, because so much of life is a
449. 16:43trade-off, and usually there's two sides
450. 16:46of the same coin, but I can tell you I
451. 16:49have explored a lot in this category,
452. 16:51and I have yet to discover anything but
453. 16:54awesomeness about creating great
454. 16:56experiences in your life.
455. 16:58Even when the experience itself isn't
456. 17:01great, and sometimes when it's downright
457. 17:03horrible, it can still work out to be an
458. 17:06amazing experience for you when you look
459. 17:07back on it.
460. 17:09An example of that is Missy and I were
461. 17:11trapped with our kids in Cairo a few
462. 17:13years back during Arab Spring when the
463. 17:15whole city blew up. Tear gas flying all
464. 17:18over the place, the city burning around
465. 17:20us. We were We were trapped in a hotel
466. 17:22on an island in the middle of the Nile
467. 17:24River. And on day four of those riots,
468. 17:27we escaped through the streets that
469. 17:29looked like a war zone to Bahrain. It
470. 17:32was a super stressful experience cuz we
471. 17:34were with our kids. It was totally
472. 17:35scary.
473. 17:37But it also turned out to be one of the
474. 17:39absolute best experiences of our lives
475. 17:41when we looked back on it. And that
476. 17:43winter was a tough winter. And in a way,
477. 17:46that horrific experience pulled it out
478. 17:48for us. It's one of the most intense and
479. 17:51interesting things that have ever
480. 17:54happened to us.
481. 17:55So, experiences, even when they're not
482. 17:58great, they can turn out great.
483. 18:01Now, for Miss and I, the number one way
484. 18:03that we create amazing experiences in
485. 18:06our life is through world travel. But
486. 18:08there are a lot of other much less
487. 18:10expensive ways. There are a million
488. 18:12different strategies you could use here.
489. 18:14Couple years ago, we went to the David
490. 18:16Bowie retrospective at Chicago's MCA.
491. 18:19And it literally moved me to tears. It
492. 18:22was 2 hours of incredible inspiration
493. 18:26that elevated me and actually created a
494. 18:29paradigm shift in my life.
495. 18:31Cost 20 bucks.
496. 18:33Took 2 hours.
497. 18:35Just takes consciousness to look around
498. 18:37you and say, "What great experiences can
499. 18:40I create for myself?"
500. 18:42So, what are the experiences you'd like
501. 18:44to create in your life?
502. 18:46And then, ask yourself this question,
503. 18:49"What am I waiting for?"
504. 18:51Life is short. Sydney Harris said,
505. 18:54"Regret for the things we did can be
506. 18:57tempered by time. It's regret for the
507. 18:59things that we didn't do that's
508. 19:01inconsolable."
509. 19:03My advice to you, bring your bucket list
510. 19:06to its knees. Do something awesome and
511. 19:10unexpected and transcend your everyday
512. 19:13existence and do it as much as you can.
513. 19:16And that takes us to our quality of life
514. 19:19exercise for today.
515. 19:22Today's exercise is fun and exciting.
516. 19:25Take out your journal and what we'd like
517. 19:27you to do is plan an experience that you
518. 19:30want to have within the next 30 days. It
519. 19:33can be any experience. Skydiving, bungee
520. 19:36jumping, anything extreme. It can be
521. 19:39inexpensive, it can be expensive. The
522. 19:42experience you plan for this exercise is
523. 19:44one that needs to improve your happiness
524. 19:47and improve your quality of life. You
525. 19:49might want to pick it from your bucket
526. 19:51list. Pick something that's really going
527. 19:52to enrich you and then commit to making
528. 19:55it happen over the next 30 days.
529. 19:59Schedule it. Use the skills and tools
530. 20:01that you've developed so far in this
531. 20:03program and find a way to create the
532. 20:05time and space to make this experience
533. 20:09happen.
534. 20:11So have fun with your quality of life
535. 20:13exercise and I'll see you tomorrow as we
536. 20:16explore your life vision together.