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Creating an Extraordinary Love Relationship -Day 13 — Transcript

by Developing Your Growth · 2,089 words · 366 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:06Hello and welcome to day 13 of
0:09Lifebook's 30-day challenge. So happy to
0:11have you here with me today. Now, so far
0:13in this challenge, we've covered five
0:15categories. The five that make up your
0:17personal life, your health and fitness,
0:20your intellectual life, your emotional
0:22life, your character, and your spiritual
0:25life. Those five categories represent
0:27you separate from the rest of the world.
0:30Today, we're going to be switching gears
0:32and start our exploration of your
0:34relationships.
0:36More than any other factor, your
0:38relationships will determine your
0:40happiness. They go directly to the heart
0:43of your life experience.
0:45If you have fantastic relationships with
0:47your life partner, with your children,
0:49with your friends and family, that's
0:52where you're going to get the most
0:53enjoyment out of life, the most fun, the
0:56best memories, all the feelings that
0:59you're really after.
1:00And if you have poor relationships,
1:02unfortunately, that's where you're going
1:04to experience the most pain, the most
1:06negativity, the most stress and anger
1:10and resentment, pretty much all the
1:12feelings you want to avoid.
1:14Now, fundamentally, relationships are
1:16about people interacting, relating with
1:19each other, you know, hopefully enjoying
1:21each other on life's journey, and trying
1:23to meet each other's needs at a certain
1:26level.
1:27Every good, healthy relationship should
1:30yield something positive for both people
1:32involved. Maybe it's just a little
1:34smile, or encouragement, or a compliment
1:37from a stranger on the street,
1:40all the way to the deepest, most
1:42profound emotions imaginable in your
1:45love relationship.
1:47But the bottom line is, relationships
1:49are about meeting each other's needs at
1:51some level. We'll take a look at three
1:54different types of relationships on your
1:56Lifebook journey.
1:57Your romantic love relationship,
2:00your relationship with your children,
2:02and your social life, which is your
2:04relationship with your friends and
2:05extended family.
2:07Now, these relationships are all
2:09different, and as you'll see, they
2:11require different approaches, different
2:13behaviors, and different levels of
2:15consciousness.
2:17We're going to start by looking at
2:18romantic love, your relationship with
2:21your spouse or life partner.
2:24Now, this is the most intimate of all
2:26the categories. It's deeply personal
2:28stuff.
2:29It's emotional,
2:31and it can be exciting and scary at the
2:34same time.
2:36But, what this category requires from
2:38all of us is to really open ourselves up
2:41and get in touch with our deepest
2:43feelings and bring them to the surface,
2:46even though that might not be the most
2:48comfortable thing to do.
2:50This category is so important.
2:54And I truly believe that most people
2:56have the potential to have a really
2:58great love relationship if they're
2:59simply willing to do what it takes.
3:02And especially people like you,
3:04because you're the kind of a person
3:06that's already concerned with issues of
3:08this kind, making your life better.
3:10You obviously have the courage to look
3:12deeply at yourself, or you wouldn't even
3:14be doing this 30-day challenge to begin
3:16with. You're already concerned with
3:18improving yourself.
3:20And to me, that means that you have the
3:22potential for a great love relationship,
3:25because it all starts with you. Your
3:28personal life is the foundation of a
3:31great love relationship. It's half the
3:33battle.
3:34So, we just really need to open up on
3:37this one, all the way up. Just let our
3:39guard down and give ourselves permission
3:42to go all the way in this incredibly
3:45important area of our lives.
3:47And I'm hoping that if I open up my life
3:49to you, you'll be able to do the same
3:51thing and really give this category the
3:53attention it deserves.
3:55I'd like to share a clip now from the
3:58classic LifeBook program where I share
4:00some of my fundamental beliefs about
4:03love relationships. Take a look.
4:28People have some bizarre, insane beliefs
4:32about love relationships.
4:35For example,
4:36women can't be trusted. No matter how
4:39great they seem at first, eventually
4:41they'll turn on you. All 3 billion of
4:44them.
4:45Men always lie.
4:48Men always cheat. Men always leave.
4:51All women care about is money.
4:54All men care about is sex.
4:57I'll never find the right one for me.
4:59Guess what? If you have any of these
5:01beliefs, or a single belief that even
5:03remotely resembles any one of these,
5:05it's game over. It's done before it
5:07starts, so just pack your bags and go
5:09home. You're never going to have a good
5:11relationship, period. You're expecting
5:13things to wear out. You're expecting
5:15things to go wrong. You're expecting
5:17rejection. You're expecting it to break,
5:19and believe me, you are going to be
5:22right.
5:23Come on. There are 6 billion people out
5:27there. Billion with a B.
5:30There are more than a million people of
5:32the opposite sex in America who are
5:34exactly your age.
5:37How about this belief?
5:39There's someone perfect out there for
5:40me. This person wants me. This person is
5:43waiting, looking for me. I just have to
5:45find them.
5:46How about this belief?
5:48I have a relationship right now that has
5:51the potential to be absolutely
5:53extraordinary if I make a commitment to
5:55step up and make it happen.
5:59I've probably spent more time in this
6:01category of my life book than any other
6:04because my relationship with my wife
6:05Missy is the single most important thing
6:08in my life.
6:09And not only have I spent time there,
6:12we've spent time there together.
6:14Literally hundreds of hours over the
6:15years in our life books defining our
6:18ideal vision for our marriage, defining
6:20our beliefs, setting our goals, really
6:23diving deep in this area.
6:25And I'll tell you it's really yielded an
6:27amazing result.
6:31Missy and I have a magnificent love
6:33affair.
6:34An intense, passionate, romantic,
6:37extraordinary relationship.
6:41People sometimes ask us how we can
6:43maintain the love and the passion and
6:45the adoration that we have for each
6:46other over a period of almost two
6:48decades.
6:50And the answer is simple.
6:52We have this relationship because early
6:54on we talked about it.
6:57We defined in detail exactly what kind
6:59of a relationship we wanted to build
7:01together.
7:02We made a conscious decision to create
7:04an incredible love affair that would
7:06last the rest of our lives. We literally
7:08said those words and we wrote that down
7:10years and years ago.
7:12We thought deeply about what would be
7:14required to build that kind of
7:16relationship.
7:18We defined exactly what that
7:21relationship would look like in every
7:22single area, physical, spiritual,
7:25emotional, sexual, intellectual.
7:29We agreed on the values and the
7:31attributes that we wanted to build. And
7:33most importantly,
7:35we defined the personality traits that
7:37we would have to cultivate in ourselves
7:39in order to create and maintain a
7:41relationship like that.
7:44Over the years, we defined three beliefs
7:46that make up our premise.
7:48And our vision for our relationship is
7:50built on these three beliefs. Here's
7:52what they are.
7:55First,
7:56our relationship is the foundation of
7:59our lives.
8:01Everything we have is built on our
8:03relationship. It's the foundation of our
8:05home, our family, our career, our
8:08financial life, our emotional life. It's
8:11the base of everything.
8:14If our relationship is solid and healthy
8:16and working well, we can handle
8:18anything.
8:20Anything that comes along. Anything life
8:22throws at us. We're strong people
8:24separately,
8:25but together, we're unshakable.
8:28Our relationship is what holds
8:30everything together. It's the foundation
8:31of our lives.
8:34Second,
8:36we believe that extraordinary
8:38relationships require extraordinary
8:41people.
8:43Too many people complain about the fact
8:44that they can't find the perfect
8:46partner.
8:47But, they've given very little thought
8:49to the challenges of making themselves
8:52the perfect partner.
8:54If you're looking for Mr. Right, you
8:56should ask yourself, am I Mrs. Right?
9:00If you're looking for the perfect woman,
9:02you should ask yourself, am I the
9:03perfect man?
9:05We need to turn ourselves into what
9:07we're hoping to find, and this is one of
9:09the biggest challenges with romantic
9:11love.
9:12You can't make anything good without
9:15good ingredients. You can't make good
9:16wine without good grapes. You can't have
9:18a great sports team without great
9:19athletes. And you can't have a great
9:22relationship if you're a broken,
9:24miserable, dysfunctional person.
9:27You have to be a good person to have a
9:29relationship with.
9:31So, the question here is, who am I
9:33willing to become to get the
9:35relationship that I want?
9:37What am I going to show up with?
9:39What am I going to bring to her? What am
9:41I going to bring to him?
9:42What am I prepared to bring to the party
9:44here?
9:45The most important thing I can do to
9:47have a great relationship is to be the
9:49best person I can be, to stay healthy
9:51and strong, and to live intelligently,
9:54and to create quality emotions, and to
9:56develop a good character. Basically, try
9:59to knock every single life book category
10:00out of the park. That's more than half
10:03the battle. Extraordinary relationships
10:06require extraordinary people, so I need
10:09to be one.
10:12Third,
10:13Missy and I believe that love requires
10:16action.
10:18There's a reason why some couples can
10:20sustain an active love affair over a
10:22period of decades, while for others, the
10:25fire goes out very quickly.
10:28And this has everything to do with
10:30understanding how to love each other.
10:34Missy and I learned a long time ago that
10:36true love is much more than just
10:39experiencing an emotion for a while.
10:43We've got to cultivate the ability to
10:44love as an action.
10:48As an action, love entails deep caring
10:52for the one you love, genuine concern,
10:55empathy,
10:56compassion for your love,
10:59kindness, always kindness,
11:03reliability, being the kind of person
11:05your lover can count on,
11:07dedication,
11:09the ability to make your love feel
11:10visible, really understood. These are
11:13actions. Love requires action.
11:17Most people want to be on the receiving
11:19end of these things,
11:21but the average person isn't especially
11:23good at giving them.
11:25The question here is, what am I willing
11:27to do?
11:29We made a conscious decision to try to
11:31master these skills,
11:33to demonstrate, to show each other how
11:36much we loved each other.
11:38And it's so easy to do, really. Just a
11:40little note, a sexy little email,
11:43little special surprises that can make
11:45your whole day.
11:47Love requires action.
11:55So, those are our beliefs about what
11:58comprises an extraordinary love
12:00relationship. But, I'll tell you, every
12:03love relationship is different because
12:05every person is different.
12:07We've defined what extraordinary love
12:09means to us. You've got to do the same
12:12thing for yourself.
12:14Now, a good place to start is by taking
12:17a look at the beliefs that have been
12:18controlling your relationships. Are
12:21there some beliefs that need to go?
12:23You want to really take a deep look here
12:25and be honest with yourself.
12:27If you can pull up some negative
12:28defeating beliefs about your
12:30relationships, then get rid of them. You
12:32don't need them. Root out any bad
12:35beliefs and tell yourself right now,
12:37this is a rule. This is a rule.
12:39It's got to go. This one's out of here,
12:41and I'm going to replace it with
12:43something that serves me and my life
12:45better.
12:47What do you think a great relationship
12:49is all about?
12:50Do you see it as foundational to the
12:52rest of your life?
12:53Or for you, is it more casual than that?
12:56Do you believe that a great relationship
12:58requires great people? That you have to
13:00really work on yourself first before you
13:03can have a successful relationship?
13:06Missy and I have a very, very high level
13:09of dependence on each other in our
13:11relationship. That's our love style.
13:14But, maybe you don't believe that that's
13:15what a great relationship is all about
13:17for you. Maybe you think that a great
13:20relationship requires independence. Two
13:23healthy, functional, independent,
13:26autonomous individuals who enjoy each
13:28other on life's path. And that's great.
13:31If that's your idea, that's what works
13:33for you, fantastic. This isn't about our
13:36stuff. This is about your stuff. The
13:39only reason I'm sharing our relationship
13:40with you is to kind of get get you
13:42kick-started. There's no general right
13:45or wrong answer here, but there
13:47certainly is a right or wrong answer for
13:51you. So, what is it? What do you think
13:55makes a great love relationship? Give
13:58this question a little thought, take out
14:00your journal, and write about what a
14:03great love relationship means to you.
14:05And tomorrow, we're going to do a deeper
14:08dive into this important category of
14:09your life.
14:11Until then, have a great day, and I'll
14:13see you tomorrow as we continue our
14:15exploration of your love relationship.

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