Connect with English - Episode 29. Grief — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:01[Music]
2. 0:06annenberg
3. 0:10[Music]
4. 0:14media
5. 0:16additional funding is provided by the
6. 0:18stratford foundation
7. 0:21the arthur vining davis foundations
8. 0:24geraldine r dodge foundation
9. 0:28george i alden trust
10. 0:31and alfred e chase charity foundation
11. 0:45it's such a shame about about
12. 0:48patrick though he wasn't all that old
13. 0:52and now poor rebecca and kevin
14. 0:56they've got nobody but they have us
15. 0:59they have you and brendan and me two
16. 1:02aunts and an uncle
17. 1:05we'll have to be their family now
18. 1:08where did you find her brendan she's
19. 1:11much too good for you
20. 1:16rebecca kevin the entire boston fire
21. 1:18department wishes to express
22. 1:20its deepest sympathy on the death of
23. 1:22your father patrick casey
24. 1:24in recognition of your father's bravery
25. 1:26i'm presenting you with the summit
26. 1:31thank you
27. 1:34rebecca can i say a couple words
28. 1:37your father was a special friend to me
29. 1:39and i'm gonna miss the pleasure of his
30. 1:41company
31. 1:42he probably never told you this but he
32. 1:44saved my neck more than once
33. 1:46i want to know rebecca kevin if you ever
34. 1:49need anything
35. 1:50and i mean anything please call on me
36. 1:54god bless
37. 1:58matt it's good to see you
38. 2:02sandy called me i'm really sorry about
39. 2:05your father
40. 2:06thanks for coming how are you i'm fine
41. 2:09how's life in san francisco school's
42. 2:13tough
43. 2:13but i like it that's good are you going
44. 2:17back
45. 2:17staying i don't know at this point
46. 2:21i just don't know listen
47. 2:24i can't stay i i just came by for a
48. 2:26second to pay my respects
49. 2:29things take care becky
50. 2:33thank you man
51. 2:48sandy
52. 2:52sandy sandy where have you been i've
53. 2:56been worried about you
54. 2:57been calling and calling sorry i haven't
55. 3:00been home
56. 3:01what is it did jack hit you again no no
57. 3:04we talked he's promised never to do it
58. 3:08again
59. 3:10you mean you're going back to him i
60. 3:13guess so
61. 3:17uh real sorry to hear about your dad
62. 3:18thanks jack
63. 3:20let's go i'll call you
64. 3:34[Music]
65. 3:46may god bless and keep our brother
66. 3:48patrick casey
67. 3:58amen
68. 4:01my father
69. 4:04was a good father he cared about us
70. 4:11he had a big heart
71. 4:16he had a hard life after he got hurt in
72. 4:18the fire
73. 4:20and if i added to his burden
74. 4:25i'm sorry sorry if i did
75. 4:35i'm gonna miss him
76. 4:42my father had dreams
77. 4:45not big dreams
78. 4:49but small ones
79. 4:52he wanted to go fishing one of those
80. 4:55deep-sea fishing boats
81. 4:58but somehow he never did
82. 5:04he dreamed of having a house
83. 5:07not a big house just a little one with a
84. 5:09garden
85. 5:12that never happened either
86. 5:18he had dreams for kevin and me too
87. 5:23maybe we disappointed him with our crazy
88. 5:25ideas
89. 5:29i'm sorry dad if we did
90. 5:34you always cared for us and loved us and
91. 5:37provided a shoulder to lean on
92. 5:40and that has made our journey easier
93. 5:49i hope you found your dreams now
94. 5:53maybe fishing
95. 5:56or working in the garden with mom
96. 6:01bye dad
97. 6:12[Music]
98. 6:20the boston fire department came and gave
99. 6:22the family a
100. 6:24helmet rebecca kevin the entire boston
101. 6:27fire department wishes to express
102. 6:29its deepest sympathy on the death of
103. 6:31your father patrick casey
104. 6:33in recognition of your father's bravery
105. 6:35i'm presenting you this helmet
106. 6:40thank you sandy looks terrible
107. 6:44i can't believe she's still with jack
108. 6:46what is it
109. 6:47did jack hit you again no no we talked
110. 6:51he's promised never to do it again
111. 6:55you mean you're going back to him i
112. 6:58guess so
113. 7:02uh real sorry to hear about your dad
114. 7:03thanks jack
115. 7:05let's go rebecca gave
116. 7:08a very moving eulogy about her father
117. 7:13he had dreams for kevin and me too
118. 7:19maybe we disappointed him with our crazy
119. 7:21ideas
120. 7:24i'm sorry dad if we did
121. 7:31i hope you found your dreams now this
122. 7:33episode
123. 7:35reminds me a lot of my own experience my
124. 7:38my father died my parents actually died
125. 7:40when i was
126. 7:41young and
127. 7:45we didn't want to have a big elaborate
128. 7:47funeral or anything like that but we did
129. 7:49we did have a wake and all the friends
130. 7:51came
131. 7:52and my parents they were a lot of fun
132. 7:55and they had a very good
133. 7:58time in their lives and i think they
134. 7:59would have wanted that
135. 8:01it was it was very sad but people were
136. 8:04together it was very warm everybody had
137. 8:07food and drink and
138. 8:08this is at the week at the wake yes
139. 8:12awake is um i don't know if they do it
140. 8:15in your culture but in my country in
141. 8:16argentina
142. 8:18is usually done as um right
143. 8:22before the funeral before the before
144. 8:25actually before you go to to bury the
145. 8:27person
146. 8:28all the friends come and they get
147. 8:30together and
148. 8:32they sit around and usually somebody's
149. 8:35house somebody who has a big house
150. 8:37and they have something to eat and they
151. 8:39they drink
152. 8:41and um they do a bit of a celebration of
153. 8:44the life of a person
154. 8:46rather than seller than mourn the death
155. 8:48they're sad
156. 8:49but they they want to celebrate life i
157. 8:52got a phone call from my family
158. 8:54back in mexico telling me that my father
159. 8:56had died i cannot find words to
160. 8:58to tell you how i felt i felt
161. 9:01i felt like i was a little kid and i
162. 9:03felt
163. 9:04very guilty i felt um
164. 9:08i felt so many things so
165. 9:11i had a chance to be with him on his
166. 9:14last months and
167. 9:15and talk to him and talked about about
168. 9:18death
169. 9:18it was the only time that truly we had a
170. 9:21communication
171. 9:22among father and daughter that i never
172. 9:25had it for 17 years
173. 9:27you know i was just following orders and
174. 9:29saying no i said yes to this
175. 9:32this is good this is bad and just trying
176. 9:34to be the perfect kid when i left my
177. 9:36home to come to the united states it was
178. 9:38about
179. 9:39when i was 17 years old and when i
180. 9:41decided to pursue the career in music
181. 9:43when i
182. 9:44was about 14 years old he was very
183. 9:47opposed to it and many things that i was
184. 9:50doing in my life
185. 9:51he was very negative about it i never
186. 9:53had the support
187. 9:54so i never had that kind of relationship
188. 9:57that you want to have for your parents
189. 10:00so i you know i felt
190. 10:03a great deal rebecca's story brought for
191. 10:06me
192. 10:07some some of my own memories
193. 10:10a couple years ago my father passed away
194. 10:14died and he had been sick for about a
195. 10:17year
196. 10:18with cancer and we as a family
197. 10:23had the chance to to to
198. 10:26to prepare himself with him to
199. 10:29to to his dying and unlike
200. 10:32rebecca for us it was
201. 10:36a longer process because my father who
202. 10:38was
203. 10:39sick for a year and also
204. 10:42he did not die in the hospital but he
205. 10:44died at home
206. 10:45and we were very fortunate because
207. 10:49the day that he died
208. 10:53we were all there so it was
209. 10:56a similar but different in terms of an
210. 10:59experience
211. 11:00you know olga it it happened to me too
212. 11:02about two years ago
213. 11:04my father died and and it was a very
214. 11:07difficult
215. 11:08moment for us he died at home at the
216. 11:11very beginning we had no tears
217. 11:13but as it happened to
218. 11:16kevin and rebecca at the beginning
219. 11:20all those emotions that you have deep
220. 11:22inside
221. 11:24you are so reserved you don't want to
222. 11:26let them out you don't want people
223. 11:28to truly to see how you feel
224. 11:31and it was not seriously not until
225. 11:36i came back that i had tears
226. 11:42when you you talk about death you just
227. 11:46think
228. 11:46it's just gonna happen with the neighbor
229. 11:50never with you yes and then you realize
230. 11:53it can happen
231. 11:55with your family and especially when you
232. 11:57are so far away
233. 11:59from your home it's terrible
234. 12:10[Music]
235. 12:12annenberg media
236. 12:16[Music]
237. 12:18for information about this and other
238. 12:20annenberg media programs
239. 12:22call 1-800 learner and visit us at
240. 12:26www.learner.org
241. 12:29additional funding is provided by the
242. 12:32stratford foundation
243. 12:34the arthur vining davis foundations
244. 12:38geraldine r dodge foundation
245. 12:41george i alden trust
246. 12:45and alfred e chase charity foundation