Communication Styles and Assertive Communication — Transcript

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1. 0:01Today's topic is communication styles
2. 0:03and assertive communication.
3. 0:06There are four types of communication
4. 0:08and these include passive,
5. 0:09passive-aggressive, aggressive, and
6. 0:11assertive.
7. 0:13First, we will go over some examples and
8. 0:14clips of what these communication styles
9. 0:16look like and then we will discuss how
10. 0:18to be more assertive in your
11. 0:19communication.
12. 0:21Let's look at passive communication.
13. 0:23Passive people don't speak up for
14. 0:24themselves. They do not state their
15. 0:26needs, feelings, opinions, or desires.
16. 0:29Let's say that you go to the salon. You
17. 0:31tell the hairdresser you just want a
18. 0:33small trim and she says, "Oh, no. I
19. 0:35think you'd look much better with a
20. 0:36short hairstyle."
21. 0:38You don't want a short hairstyle, but
22. 0:39you agree to let her do what she wants
23. 0:41because you feel uncomfortable telling
24. 0:42her no.
25. 0:44That's passive communication. You did
26. 0:46not stand up for yourself or express
27. 0:47your needs.
28. 0:49Listen, you. My friend's got something
29. 0:51to say. What? Who said that? Wasn't you?
30. 0:55Tell him off, SpongeBob. Assert
31. 0:57yourself. That's my ice cream cone.
32. 1:00GREAT. NOW, LET HIM HAVE IT. YOU CAN
33. 1:03have it. SAY THANKS. THANKS.
34. 1:06NO!
35. 1:08Passive-aggressive communication is when
36. 1:10people indirectly express their negative
37. 1:12feelings instead of openly addressing
38. 1:14them.
39. 1:15For example, let's say you were taking
40. 1:17out the trash and were frustrated that
41. 1:18your family wasn't helping clean up.
42. 1:20Passive-aggressive response would be
43. 1:22saying something like, "Sure would be
44. 1:24nice if someone else picked up a little
45. 1:25slack around here."
46. 1:27Passive-aggressiveness doesn't openly
47. 1:29address the issue and more often times
48. 1:31only creates more conflict and hostility
49. 1:33between people. Hm.
50. 1:36That's two things in this house that
51. 1:38won't work. Then go fix that.
52. 1:44Two things that won't work.
53. 1:49I've changed my mind. I want soup
54. 1:50instead. Okay. Don't
55. 1:53move.
56. 1:57Here you go. It's alphabet soup. I made
57. 2:00it special.
58. 2:04The third communication style is
59. 2:06aggressive communication. This is when
60. 2:08people use hurtful actions or words to
61. 2:10get what they want.
62. 2:12An example of aggressive communication
63. 2:14could be on social media where you see a
64. 2:15political post that you do not agree
65. 2:18with. An aggressive response would be
66. 2:19something like, "Only an uneducated
67. 2:22person with a tiny brain would say
68. 2:24something as dumb as that. Your whole
69. 2:26party is brainwashed." While it may be
70. 2:28very tempting to be aggressive when
71. 2:30you're frustrated, this will not help
72. 2:31anybody and likely will make the
73. 2:33situation even worse. I'll show you how.
74. 2:37Hey, pencilneck.
75. 2:39Yeah, you. Slither over here.
76. 2:43Surrender that ice cream cone or every
77. 2:46waking moment for you will become A
78. 2:48SWIRLING TORRENT OF PAIN AND MISERY.
79. 2:55THE FOURTH and most important
80. 2:56communication style is assertiveness.
81. 2:58Assertive people speak up for themselves
82. 3:00in a calm way and express their needs
83. 3:02and opinions in a respectful manner.
84. 3:05Imagine you are standing in line when
85. 3:06suddenly someone cuts right in front of
86. 3:08you.
87. 3:09An assertive person would not ignore the
88. 3:10situation, nor would they get
89. 3:11aggressive. Rather, they would say
90. 3:13something like,
91. 3:15"Excuse me, I was waiting in this line."
92. 3:17An assertive person speaks openly, uses
93. 3:20a conversational tone, makes good eye
94. 3:22contact, shows expressions which matches
95. 3:24the message, relaxes and adopts an open
96. 3:27stance and expressions, participates in
97. 3:29groups, keeps to the point, values self
98. 3:32equal to others, tries to hurt no one
99. 3:34including themselves, and usually
100. 3:36reaches goals without hurting others.
101. 3:39One way to practice being assertive is
102. 3:40by using this three-step technique.
103. 3:43Number one, point out the behavior.
104. 3:45Number two, explain how the behavior
105. 3:47affects you. And number three, state
106. 3:49what you need to happen.
107. 3:51For example, when you don't respond, I
108. 3:53feel like I'm being ignored. I need to
109. 3:55know that you're listening.
110. 3:57Another way to be assertive is by saying
111. 3:59no. You don't always have to explain
112. 4:00yourself, but if an explanation is
113. 4:02necessary, keep it brief. For example,
114. 4:05"No, unfortunately, I can't pick up an
115. 4:07extra shift, but I hope you can find
116. 4:08someone else that can help." Your voice
117. 4:10should show no hesitation.
118. 4:13Lastly, don't forget to exhibit
119. 4:14confidence with your body posture. You
120. 4:17may even take some time to rehearse what
121. 4:18you'd like to say before a difficult
122. 4:20conversation.
123. 4:21Remember, being assertive is a skill
124. 4:23that takes time and practice. It won't
125. 4:25happen overnight. But with awareness and
126. 4:27practice of the key points explained
127. 4:29today, you will be on your way to
128. 4:30becoming a more assertive communicator.
129. 4:38SpongeBob, don't let that guy sit on
130. 4:41you. Assertiveness lesson number one,
131. 4:44TELL HIM TO GET OFF. UM, excuse me, sir.
132. 4:49You're sitting on my body, which is also
133. 4:51my face.